Cheap Perfume

Cheap perfume

and toothless smile

Childish dreams

and broken spine

Daddy’s home

Until he’s not

take a lesson

drink more wine

he’s not selfish

he is kind

he was sad

now he’s done

loosen kidneys

lose the kid

feed the girl

get one more drink

he was gone

all night and day

take a lesson

please behave

take a picture

made in vain

he’s not shallow

he’s not deep

not to show

not to show off

take the money

put it in the bag

go to sleep

never come back

Daddy’s house

is big and large

Family’s not

the only child

dead to me

dead to him

take a lesson

remember him

put the name

write it in stone

he was here

and now he’s gone

Model to my mother

Model to my father

Model to the daughter

Never seen

Never been

Only extractions

Of behaviors

Daddy’s laugh

Mommy’s dieting

Daddy’s depression

And mommy’s pain

Picture perfect happy house

Never ever wish to leave it

Cause they say that’s where the love is

Love comes in different forms

Yelling and shouting

Or maybe it comes by drinking

Mixing

Pouring down my stupid face

Liquor I wish to ingest

Mommy this I learned from you

All these years I see you too

How you mix and splash the drinks

Near the toilet or the kitchen sink

Model to my grandma

Murderer of hope

Killer of happiness

Destroyer

Burglar

Thief

My throat got sore

From these past days

It’s sore and my teeth are weird

A weird sensation to it

My head is pounding bad

Nights come with a surprise

Maybe there’s a devil under my bed

Or in my bed

Sometimes I forget

listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees when it’s snowing it’s something else

tom friedman, “untitled,” 1996, chromogenic print

Drinking was all the rage back then

Now things have clearly changed

They say starving works better

Cause it makes you feel prettier

They didn’t tell you about the fact

That the brain has lost its focus

And it does things to your body

Wanting to become nobody

Heart is feeling out of order

Not even love can put it back together

And your body wants some more

But less is better so I hear

And you must know that’s better to surrender

Cause the voice will eventually get quieter

It kills to know that you need food

But it kills more to put in your mouth

Enemy of happiness

Soldier of death

It announces itself by intrusive thoughts

Speaks loudly in your ear

That you’re shit and that you’re big

That those clothes won’t fit no more

If you put that fork anywhere near your mouth

And you are wide

But not awake

But those shoulders got so big they have a voice of their own

The problem is with those legs

Not that they hurt when you walk

Or that they tremble

But that they’re gross to look at

The recipe for disaster is to get yourself some pills

And laxatives

Cause they promote some thinness, so I hear

It tells me to stop when I’m not even full

And it begs me to walk until I feel like I’m going to pass out

Living with numbers for food

I’ve been handed the math expert diploma

Cause I’ve added and I’ve multiplied

And the answer doesn’t seem that right

So these idiots must be wrong

Cause when a small number equals so much

Fake the number

Fake the face of happiness

Cause in your head you know you will get there

With a little bit of patience

And be ruled by the voice of death.