Bartending As Daoism

Bartending as Daoism

So one of my day jobs is that I work as a bartender for a nice local wine and beer lounge in the city. I had to miss last week's shift because of a meeting I had to attend, and coming back today I felt incredibly clumsy and awkward from just that little break.

But as I got back into the swing of things, I found myself floating through the bar almost instinctively. My hands knew where all the bottles were, how we were doing on snacks, how often to check on patrons, and so on. It was pretty busy for a Sunday night, but somewhere during the shift I came to the realization that bartending is a rather perfect example of Daoism in action. It requires a pretty focused mindfulness of the present moment as the bar fills up. You can't plan too far ahead and you can't focus much on past mistakes. You've got to keep your attention on the patrons you have in front of you, and making sure they're happy at that exact moment. The "now" moment is constantly there, and without proper training or perspective, it can be pretty overwhelming to deal with everything. But with the right mindset and practice, I felt like I was just able to move and flow with everyone in the bar at the same time. Making sure drinks are going there, bills are going here, glasses ready to be dried, tables to be cleaned, on and on there's always something to do. And with a sort of effortless effort (I can speak in paradoxes too!), you're able to just surrender yourself to the moment and keep the pace.

I have a feeling at least a few of you also have had this sort of experience with your own work. I think it's a mistake when people call this sort of thing "mindless," as anything that requires your hands to move or your brain to function must involve your mind being active on some level. Feel free to submit your own stories about being within the present moment at work, I'm sure we could all learn from each other's experiences. 

The only thing I would want to add is that even as we know anger as a negative and generally harmful emotion, you still must recognize and accept that you are experiencing it. Trying to deny that reality, whether to others or to yourself, can be very harmful as well. As with my thoughts on sorrow and loss, once you accept the emotions you are feeling, you can then observe what triggered them and let them pass by. What has made you angry? Is it something external, or did that simply set off something pent up within? See the truth of your feelings and your ability to control and check your ego will improve drastically.

Controlling Anger

Controlling anger is no different than control of any other harmful emotion.  First and foremost, our anger subsides naturally as we progress spiritually. It becomes very difficult to react with anger when we live our lives with compassion and kindness. 

Second, what is anger and where does it come from? Anger is a natural defensive response when we feel threatened or frustrated and our ego senses danger. When we become angry several physical things happen to us. We release adrenalin.  Our breathing and heart rate increases so our muscles are prepared for conflict.  We sometimes get the urge to void our bowels or bladder to better prepare for internal injury. 

You see, anger is a very primitive emotion it’s purpose is not to help you win an argument with your Mom but to fight a predator.  So, for this reason, anger is often a very poor response in a non lethal setting.  Anger shuts down the reasoning part of our minds and sends us into an action mode.  I guess the body figures that the time for talk and reason has passed.

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(via Dan Gilbert: The surprising science of happiness)

A scientific argument for Daoism? It's worth watching, and like most TED talks, only 20 minutes long. There are a couple things I'd like to talk about, and it's best if you watch the video first.

Essentially, the research and the data show that happiness is not only created in our own minds, but it is the same whether it is generated internally or externally. This confirms the words of both the Dalai Lama and Shakespeare, that a state of happiness is truly dependent on your individual self.

So this begs the question, what causes unhappiness? Why don't people just choose to be happy all the time? Dan Gilbert hints at this a bit, but I'll just state it outright: people are generally unhappy because the world around them has told them to be unhappy, and they believe it. When we desire things that we don't really need, when we attach ourselves to things that are fleeting, when we look out for satisfaction on the horizon instead of on our very own doorstep; these are all ways that people outside of ourselves have taken us away from the Path, and it's really up to us to get back on it. The first step, of course, is to turn away from the illusions that our lives have been saturated with.

No, growing older will not be so terrible.

No, you are not as ugly as you think.

No, you do not need to become wealthy and powerful.

These are lies that have been sold to us since the day we were born, essentially to keep society in a state of perpetual unhappiness, so that they may continue to go out and buy and put money in other peoples' pockets.

But we can see past these illusions, and we can accept reality for what it is. As the science shows, by accepting what cannot be changed, we can actually choose to be happy with what we have.

Now, this can lead to some troubling implications, I must admit. Loki, the supervillain conqueror from The Avengers, describes this quite clearly, that "Freedom is life's great lie." So if the data show that people are indeed happier without the freedom of choice, does this mean that Loki is right? That humans crave subjugation and authority?

This is the real puzzle of the Dao. Trying to strike the balance between actively following your Path and yet still yielding to its flow. In the extreme sense, one could argue that the research indicates yes, humans are sheep that must be corralled and controlled, and that we will find our greatest happiness in this state. But I see a different indication. As the video shows, we will always choose to be able to choose, as it were, even if that choice (whether we know it or not) will lead us to unhappiness. It is in our nature to accept and even create happiness in the face of uncontrollable circumstances, but it is also our nature to choose our own destiny. This is what I mean when I say we must actually walk down the mountain instead of just lying down on the side of the road. We are meant to find our own way through this world, even if that means not walking along it all the time. It's a bit tricky to explain, but I would say that people that are not walking along their true Path are doing so for a reason, that perhaps they are not on their Path so that they can find and choose it for themselves further on. You could even argue that in the grand scheme of the Universe, those who fight against their Path are actually still in line with the larger Path of the cosmos. But perhaps this is getting a bit too distant to see clearly. I would say that even if people choose Unhappiness over Happiness, it is their choice to make, and that they either will or will not choose to follow a Path to Happiness in the future (we are assuming, of course, that Daoism is meant for people to find Happiness). The most we can or should do is to choose Happiness for ourselves and see if others take note. Of those that take note, see if some ask how. Of those that ask how, see if some understand. And of those that understand, I believe that all will change their choice.

Live in the moment, live in the Dao.

Now be honest, have you not seen yourself in every single one of these categories? Human beings are dynamic and always changing. We will all float through these different stances on life, I think it is a bit silly to try and define yourself by just one of them forever.

1. Sanguine: The person with this type of personality is impulsive, pleasure-seeking, outgoing, warm, friendly, sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social events, meeting new people and making new friends. They are often lively, energetic and enthusiastic. They are also creative and...

“The concept of portraying evil and then destroying it - I know this is considered mainstream, but I think it is rotten. This idea that whenever something evil happens someone particular can be blamed and punished for it, in life and in politics, is hopeless.”

- Hayao Miyazaki