Episode 15 Is Almost Upon Us And I'm Still And Forever Will Be Obsessed With Tanfang In Episode 12:

episode 15 is almost upon us and I'm still and forever will be obsessed with tanfang in episode 12:

how can I move past fang's "you already are" [my safety my comfort my home my hearth] when tan says he wants to be both his family and his safe zone? how can I forget the way my heart cracked into two with the further revelation of fang's fear of being left behind? his "if you disappear I would be in so much pain" is a desperate plea that tan—beautiful, attentive tan—instantly responds to because he sees him, he sees him. tan's "look at me, I'm so crazy over you." tan's look at me, I love you with every breath that I take, I love you in the seconds of every single day I love you with every fibre of my existence.

and the way fang smiles, so helplessly, tenderly charmed by this man before him whose unflinching devotion means everything to him. fang, who has always known love with conditions—of being the perfect son, the responsible brother, the fraying string barely holding his so-called family together. and here is tan, who sweetly, exuberantly, loves him unconditionally, whose "I love you no matter what" holds fang's shadows at bay.

because what do you mean "thank you for loving me" when I was made to hold you to protect you to cherish you to adore you?

But you said you wanted to go home.

random bad buddy gifs 

Almost a week and Fang's quiet 'I miss you' to Tan while he pushes Phum and Peem to meet their parents, the quiet way he stays by himself in the family meeting and smiles at the peaceful moments but never brings his boyfriend there, never introduces Tan, just goes home to him instead... it's so sweet. It's everything to me. Fang has his safe space. Fang has a home that lets him be himself. There's pain to see him there alone when he's been dating Tan longer than Phum has been dating Peem but there's also a joy in the comfort he gets from loving Tan, from knowing that he goes home to Tan, to choosing not to bring Tan when he has to wear a mask because Tan is where he goes to take that mask off.

We Are truly says 'love your friends and love your family and love your lovers and love everyone important to you because love is what heals and love is what grows and if you love you will heal and you will grow' with its whole chest.

I'm still just caught up in how the show is clear that Fang might have a better surface relationship with his parents but he still isn't bringing Tan around or talking to them about the love of his life. Phum brings Peem over for moral support but Fang has the world of love and the world of his family kept apart. Tan is his safe space and that means keeping him safe. Keeping him apart. Keeping him as his own secret, his own safe space, his own comfort, the one place he can truly relax and simply be loved.

Fang is always the good brother, the good son, the quiet one, the understanding one... but with Tan he gets to be too much, to be upset, to act on what he wants, to ask for affection, to ask for more, to need more. Tan is the space where Fang gets to be more than the good one, gets to simply be himself.

And nothing illustrated that more then his quiet statement about missing Tan over the phone but very carefully not including him in the family dinner. Because that easily could have been the answer. But that was never a choice. Tan is not part of Fang and Phum's family. He is Fang's chosen family. And Fang needs him to stay that way.

Fang plays the part of the good son because that is his role in the family but he is holding more secrets and hiding more of himself than Phum ever has and he hides it all with Tan, in his safe space, where he can be needy and over the top and silly and loving and too much.

I need a kiss on the cheek to console me.

TANFANG + KISSES IN EP 15 WE ARE SERIES (2024)