I Dont Know Where My Spleen Is

I Don’t Know Where My Spleen Is

Jim Kirk x gn!reader

⚠️: I don’t think there are any

~at this point it’s just my goal to find concerning titles~ word count: 355

It was shore leave, one of the few that you genuinely got to have without fighting some alien or being invaded by tribbles for. For god only knows what reason, the crew (and by crew I mean Kirk) decided that it would be fun for the crew and officers to try American football 🏈. So far it’s caused a lot of injuries, a headache for Bones, and the current situation. ——— “You’re crushing my spleen!” Kirk shouted as I had an elbow in his ribs and was trying to pry the ball away from him. “Oh come on, Captain!” I tried prying a little harder before continuing, “you don’t even know where your spleen is, there’s no way you would know if I were crushing it” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re right” he said before flipping me over and getting up, “I don’t know where my spleen is” just as he was about to run I grabbed him by the ankle and he fell face first (this had to be against the rules, but I don’t think we’re really playing by the rules anymore). Bones could be seen standing on the sideline and shaking his head. I climbed up over Jim so we were face to face. I smiled at him (he should have known I was planning something right then) I leaned in and began kissing him. I could hear a chorus of disgusted groans and sighs from all around the field, “Get a room!” Scotty shouted from one end of the field. I slowly worked my hands around to Jim’s sides. I snatched the ball and ran. Meanwhile behind me, Jim was still laying on the ground, dazed over and staring up at the sky. “Alright, Jim, I think that’s game over for you” Bones said as he helped Jim off the ground and onto the bleachers. I blew Jim a kiss from the end zone and he blushed, just before I got tackled to the ground by Nyota. “Serves you for making out during the game” she playfully chastised before sprinting to the other end of the field with the ball.

New ask game:

Reblog if you want your followers to tell you what your trademark ™️ is. Like, what’s that thing that really identifies you.

Saving Spock’s Eyebrows

Y/N is in there for a bit, but Spirk is kinda the star of the show here.

Inspired by this pin

⚠️: none

word count: 2,121

The words “OH MY GOD!!! I AM SO SORRY, SPOCK!!!!” ringing through the engineering deck, were simultaneously terrifying and sort of hilarious. Despite their previous engagements, every engineer came running, mostly because the words were preceded several seconds by a loud clang and what sounded like an engine blowing up. Sure they all cared about Spock too, but the reason the Enterprise still flies is because there's a whole crew of people who consider this ship their wife/baby. In mere moments Y/N and Spock were surrounded by a sea of redshirts and a chorus of, “What the hell happened?!?!” and , “What did you do to the ship?!?!” but it all stopped when Spock and Y/N turned to face them all. “Mhm,” Y/N cleared their throat and blushed, “Mr. Spock was just supervising my rerouting of the iron gluon centrifuges, when I hit my head trying to answer one of his questions,” Y/N explained shamefully, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. The surrounding crew burst into fits of stitch ripping laughter, “What, may I ask is so funny?” Spock inquired. Scotty spoke up over the crew men’s raucous laughter, “Ye laddies, ‘ave no eyebrows!” He shouted the information from somewhere within the crowd, Y/N instantly went to feel their face. Much to their own horror, Y/N found that Scotty wasn’t lying, the look of terror subsided for a moment when they realised that Scotty said neither of them had eyebrows. Y/N slowly looked over to spock, who was clearly raising his now nonexistent eyebrows. They did their damnedest not to laugh at him as they said, “He’s right!” Spock's lip curled slightly upward in a slight smile, “It would seem so,” He stated in an amused voice that very few would actually recognise as amused. They were both ordered to go down to medbay by Scotty, who insisted it was “Because you may have been affected by the combustion in some way we can’t see,” but Y/N was fairly certain that Scotty just wanted to give everyone between here and the medbay a good laugh. “What the hell happened to you!” McCoy shot through fits of laughter as they both walked into the room. “Engineering accident,” Y/N stated without hesitation or humour. They didn’t even bother staying and instead went down to the bridge to get it over with. Upon stepping off of the turbo lift and entering the bridge, Kirk turned around and was about to say something, but it dissipated into hearty laughter. Once his laughter stopped, Jim looked genuinely concerned, getting up to wrap his arms around Spock, “Are you okay, Sweetheart?” He asked Spock, still trying not to laugh as he placed a kiss where Spock’s eyebrow had been. “I’m quite fine, I assure you,” Spock informed with a light green blush painted over his face. Jim’s face lit up with unmistakable mischief, “I could help, you know!” He exclaimed in complete and earnest glee. “Help with what, might I ask?” Spock asked with an attempted brow raise. “Put your eyebrows back,” Kirk replied as though his meaning were a given, “I don’t believe that will be necessary,” Spock nodded curtly. “No, no, please!” Jim pleaded desperately, “I promise, I can’t make it worse!” Jim reasoned. “He’s got you there,” Y/N pointed out with a chuckle, “You already have no eyebrows, what’s the worst that could happen?” Y/N asked innocently.

-Famous last words-

The next morning Spock came down to the officers’ mess with orange eyebrows, one of which must have been placed a solid quarter of an inch higher than the other, giving him a permanent look of concern. “Oh god!” Y/N howled from beside Scotty, “How did this happen?!?” Y/N asked as Scotty laughed loud enough to almost cover the question. “I believe the captain called them Crayola markers,” Spock said and raised an eyebrow, making it now level with the other one. “Don't be so surprised!” Scotty bellowed as Spock sat down across from the two of you. Spock was shortly followed by Jim, “Ah, and I assume that this is our own aspiring Picasso,” Y/N jeered as he took his seat next to spock. “At least his masterpiece is washable,” Scotty commented as he took in a drink of water.

-Mission Save The Vulcan Brows (so deemed by the captain himself) Day 2-

“Uhura, can I borrow your makeup?” Kirk asked her, “Still trying to fix his brows?” Uhura asked as casually as she could possibly manage, but some of her intense curiosity peaked through the facade. “Yeah,” He admitted sheepishly, “At least you’re using stuff meant for his face this time,” She sighed and handed him her makeup bag. “Thanks Uhura, you’re a lifesaver!” Kirk exclaimed as he ran off, “No, just a protector of brows everywhere!” She called after him. “Spock!” Jim called him from the nearest comm he could find, “Yes, captain?” The question came in slightly fuzzy, “I have the next solution! Meet me in my quarters,” Jim playfully ordered. “Alright, Jim, I believe I’m ready to know what your plan is,” Spock said, trying not to smile too much. “This!” Jim explained, without really explaining anything as he dumped Uhura’s makeup bag out onto his bed. “Do you know what any of these things are for?” Spock inquired, concern seeping into his tone as he scanned the alarming number of products scattered around the bed. “Not exactly, but we’ll learn together!” Jim exclaimed in such a way that Spock really couldn’t say no to this. “Let’s try this!” Jim said, holding up a flat and angled makeup brush that he thought looked perfect for recreating the generally very sharp shape of Spock’s brows. He dug around the products a little longer before coming to a colour palette that had a shade of black that Jim thought to be at least somewhat similar to his hair colour. “Okay, this looks like it’ll work,” Jim said more to himself than his boyfriend as he climbed into Spock’s lap to begin doing his makeup. “Hold still,” Kirk told Spock in a hushed tone as he dipped the brush generously into the black pigment. He started with drawing the inner end of the left brow, and tried pulling the colour out to create the bottom of the brow, which he tried to do evenly three times before he gave up because the brow had already become substantially thicker than he meant it to be. Moving to do the right brow, he took a different approach, pinching Spock’s face a little bit to feel where his brow usually sat and just filling in that space instead. While Jim’s theory for the right brow seemed like a good idea, the result was an alright looking human eyebrow, which did not at all match the incredibly dense looking Vulcan brow he had drawn on the left side of Spock’s forehead. Jim’s face fell as he scrutinised his work, “What is it, Jim?” Spock asked, raising an eyebrow (The one that at least looked kinda Vulcan), “I think I’ve done it wrong,” Kirk in a downtrodden tone. “I’m sure you did fine,” Spock assured, giving Jim’s hand a gentle kiss. Jim nervously handed Spock the compact mirror from Uhura’s things, Spock opened it and looked at himself in the small mirror. He laughed, “It’s fine,” Spock told Jim with a kiss on the lips, “Are you sure, I could try it again,” Jim offered, “No, it’s fine, I have duties to attend to at the moment,” Spock assured and informed. “Okay,” Jim conceded and slipped out of Spock’s lap to let him go. Spock walked out of Kirk’s quarters and the first person who saw him was Bones, “Oh my, thank god!” Bones smiled as he looked up as if actually blessed by god himself. “Your human half is showing!” Bones said with glee as he wiggled his eyebrows.

-Mission Save The Vulcan Brows, Day 3 (alternately titled: Trimming Tribbles)

To Jim there was exactly one good thing that came from being infested with Tribbles- their hair. Nobody has any clue how, but Jim managed to get one to stop reproducing and hold still long enough to trim it. Turns out those little things have so much fur for a reason, they’re real disturbing buggers underneath all that hair. Running to Spock’s quarters, Jim was now holding a plastic bag full of Tribble fur, with a new idea in mind. He punched the code into the keypad on Spock’s quarters, barging into the room, Spock looked up from his book. It was still so strange for Jim to see him without any eyebrows, he didn’t think it would make that much of a difference, but it did. “Another plan, Captain?” Spock asked teasingly, “In fact, I have!” Kirk replied, rather pleased with himself as he held up the tribble hair. At this point Spock just let the pieces fall where they may because Jim seemed to be having a good time with the whole thing. “Alright,” Spock agreed and stood from his chair to move to his bed. Much like before, Jim climbed into Spock’s lap, but this time he pulled a small bottle of glue out of the bag. Spock tried not to show it, but with the addition of glue the stakes seemed rather high and he was growing concerned at the prospect of whatever might happen. Jim unscrewed the top of the glue and used applicator inside to paint far too much glue on the spaces where Spock's eyebrows usually resided. Jim put the lid back on the glue and began to carefully press the fur to Spock's face, this process didn't take him nearly as long as trying to draw them on. When Jim was done he pulled back just a few inches to see the entirety of his work. His eyebrows furrowed together and the colour drained from his face as he saw his work in full. His eyes widened as he realised something more, "I uh, don't actually know how to remove this," Jim choked on his words as tears began to prick the corners of his eyes. "Oh, no, no, no, T'hy'la," Spock cooed, "I'm sure it's alright, I really don't care what it looks like. Did you have fun?" Spock prompted, Jim chuckled quietly as Spock swept the tears away from his face. "Alright," Spock sighed, in a joking manner, "Show me the damage," He requested and Jim walked him to the bathroom mirror. Spock took one look in the mirror and started to laugh, and not just a little bit either, but full body shaking as he doubled over and white knuckled the edge of the sink. "It's not that bad, is it?" Jim asked, "No, just a bit surprising," Spock informed as he straightened up to look at himself in the mirror again, his newly installed eyebrows were altogether the wrong colour, and the hairs were far too long. "Perhaps," Spock began, making eye contact with Jim through the mirror, "This ought to be the end of your mission, captain," Spock suggested, "I guess," Jim agreed. It took Spock many, many more showers to finish washing all the Tribble fur off of his face.

-Project Shine-

"Y/N!" Jim quietly pestered them during lunch. "Yes, Jim?" They acknowledged through a bite of their sandwich. "Have you got any rhinestones?!?" Jim asked with a glimmer in his eyes. "Yes, why?" Y/N asked, not particularly inclined to hand them over to the suspicious captain. Jim just wiggled his eyebrows and winked, Y/N got the message, "ah, they're all yours," they responded. After lunch Y/N delivered blue Rhine stones and makeup glue directly to Jim's quarter and found, unsurprisingly, that Spock was there too. "Special delivery," Y/N announced when Jim answered the door. "Come in, come in!" He ushered them through the door. "Spock" Jim sing songed, "Yes, Jim?" Spock asked from where he sat on the couch. "Just one more?" Jim pleaded, "Fine, but please only one more," Spock bargained, "Just one more!" Jim instantly agreed at the hint of getting his way. Spock moved to sit at the table with Jim and Y/N. "Here," Jim started, "You get the left brow while I get the right one," Jim directed Y/N.

Not five minutes later they had finished the job, and were quite proud of themselves too. This had been Spock's best set of replacement eyebrows yet. "Best to end the mission on a high note," Y/N commented as they looked over Spock's new and shiny brows.

Bonus scene: Spock was walking down the hall when, "I knew you had a little sugar in the tank, but I think this is a bit much for you," Bones commented.

Here, have some doodles I did while writing this.

Having a normal one

mr. Spock upon feeling one(1) human emotion

I’m at the point where if I forget what an animal is called, I just call it a tribble without thinking about it