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The Star Wars Tennis Challenge

Kylo: Why are we here again, General?

Hux: It was a challenge, sir. Never let it be said that the First Order turn down a challenge. Those Resistance bastards would claim it as a victory.

Phasma: I agree, we must crush them at all costs.

Kylo: Fine. What’s the game again?

Hux: It’s called tennis, you basically just hit balls at each other over a net.

Kylo: That sounds pleasingly violent.

Phasma: Well, there is a little more to it, you’re not actually aiming for….

Kylo: What the hell is this? *Holds up black t-shirt and shorts*

Hux: Ah, yes, you see apparently you have to wear this sort of thing, it’s like a uniform. And I did manage to find it in black.

Kylo: I am not wearing that. It’s so…..revealing.

Phasma: Oh, come on, just give it a try. It’s actually very comfortable.

***********

Finn: I bet they don’t show up. Can you actually imagine them dressed in….

*Kylo, Hux and Phasma enter*

Poe: Oh my.

Rey: I CAN SEE THEIR KNEES

Rose: Are they allowed to wear black?

Finn: I think, given the circumstances, we will let that one go.

************

Hux: So, Ren, it is you and I up first. Now, we needed a team name, so I have chosen ‘Kylux’

Kylo: I’m sorry, what?

Hux: It’s a combination of both our names, you see, Kylo and Hux. Don’t you think that is clever?

Kylo: It’s awful. Never mind. Let’s just get on with this.

************

Finn: OK buddy, you and I have got this, let’s destroy these guys.

Poe: Great. What’s our team name?

Finn: Oh, you’ll like this; Stormpilot. Because, you know, I was a stormtrooper and you are a pilot.

Poe: Ooooh I do like that. Right, let’s go. You serve.

*************

Kylo: General Hux, we seem to be losing. Why are we losing?

Hux: Well, two reasons as far as I can tell, Ren. Firstly, they are very good at the game, and secondly, we are not very good at it.

Kylo: Well, get better General. Get better fast.

Hux: I….. yes, Supreme Leader.

**************

Hux: Aaaaargh!

Kylo: Stop screaming, General.

Poe: Hugs, are you OK?

Hux: My ankle….I think it’s a sprain…. it’s not made for exercise.

Kylo: Stop complaining and get back up, you worthless insect, or we will lose.

Poe: Actually, you could bring Captain Phasma in as a replacement.

Kylo: Oh, wonderful. In that case, get off the court at once, General. Captain Phasma, you are up.

Phasma: With pleasure, Supreme Leader. I will just adjust our team name *crosses out Kylux and writes Kysma*. We meet again, FN-2187.

Finn: Fuck off.

Poe: Perhaps, if we are going to mixed doubles, I should head off too and….look after Hugs here?

Finn: Fine. Rose, you in?

Rose: You bet. I’ve always wanted to hit things at those two.

Finn: New team name; Finnrose.

Rose: Love it.

**********

Finn: Ow! Stop doing that!

Kylo: I thought you said that we were not aiming for our opponents, Captain?

Phasma: I apologise, Supreme Leader. I will not do it a fifth time.

Kylo: No need to apologise Captain. It appears that you are far superior to Hux at this game. If only we weren’t so far behind. Wait a minute, I may have had an idea.

************

Rose: You cheated!

Kylo: How dare you accuse me of cheating!

Rose: The ball was clearly headed out. You must have changed it’s direction with the force!

Phasma: A ridiculous claim.

Finn: That’s how you have got back so many points!

Kylo: Nonsense. You have no proof.

Finn: No, but we do have our own force user. Rose, would you mind swapping out for Rey?

Rose: What? I can’t believe you want her rather than me! I’ve only just…

Finn: Please, Rose, look, this isn’t about you and me, it’s about the game. And Rey hasn’t had a chance to play yet, which is….

Rose: Oh fine. Whatever. *Stalks off court*

*Rey walks on, in short white shorts*

Rey: Great! Hi Ben.

Kylo: Hjkgfdjhkcd

Rey: So I guess our team name is now Finnrey?

Finn: Sounds good.

Kylo: *Glares*

*************

Phasma: Supreme Leader, I don’t mean to criticise you, but you seem to have slightly lost focus.

Kylo: *breaking off from staring at Rey*…..I’m sorry, what?

Finn: Match point to us. One more point and the game is ours. The Resistance wins. The First Order loses. The…

Rey: OK Finn, I think they get it.

Phasma: Kylo, I really need you to pay attention to this point. Rey is serving to you. You need to get the ball back *quietly* by any means necessary.

Kylo: What? Oh, yes. Of course.

*************

Finn: OK look, this is getting ridiculous.

*All the players stare at the ball, which is hovering in mid air over the line*

Phasma: Push it over, Kylo!

Kylo: I….am……trying…….

Finn: Rey, just let it go. We can win on the next point.

Rey: Not….a…….chance…..

*The ball explodes*

Phasma: Well, I assume that means it is a draw?

Finn: But we…..yeah, fine, whatever, it’s getting late.

Phasma: I believe it is traditional for us all to shake hands at this point.