Am I - Tumblr Posts
People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.
I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.
I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.
There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me
— love is (ir)rational. ft. veritas ratio
— warnings: angst and breakups
— author's note: incredibly self-indulgent and heavily influenced by tiktoks and mitski songs. the last statement is from this article so please give it a read since its very interesting !!
to say that your relationship with veritas ratio was hanging by a thread was an understatement.
you tried your hardest to sweep every argument at night when you enter his office under the rug and prayed to the aeons that he'd forget it when morning came; you never learned how to deal with confrontation, so you did what you do best: avoid the situation entirely at all cost.
playing as the fool who couldn't see the cracks in your already fragile situation with ratio but still clinged onto the tiniest of hopes that everything will be fixed. that no argument between you two would actually leave you to split paths. you always found a way to one another, a middle ground you had unspokenly created. you always made it work. you had to make it work.
“this is not going to work, [name]!” he shouts as you fight back tears.
“you don't know that! we always make it work don't we, veritas? you can't just decide stuff like this on your own!” you argue with him the best you could, but veritas ratio was a genius.
you will never win an argument against him.
“this is hurting us. you.” he sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “we can't continue like this, and you know it.”
“then continue to hurt me.” you desperately try to claw into your lover's mind. trying to keep any piece of him because it was better to not have anything at all. “i don't care if it hurts, veritas! if it's you then it's fine, i can look past it.”
you look like a scared animal, desperate for love and the need to feel something, even if it was pain.
“we'll be fine, veritas.” you clutch onto your shirt as tears pricked your eyes. “we have to! you promised me!”
ratio was a logical man. he was a genius. someone who should've been acknowledged by nous themselves. but at this very moment, he realizes that no amount of academic knowledge will compare to the flurry of the unknown emotional wreckage that is you. someone who thinks too much of love. bewitched with the prospect of love instead of their actual partner - him.
“veritas, please… we can still make this work.”
the diplomas of his achievements were a farce; a big hoax to hide the hollowness that resides within where his heart should be.
“you and i both know that we were both too far gone to save.”
ratio closes his eyes. trying his best to rid the hurt and shrinking image of you from his mind.
“you don't know how to love yourself.” you avoided the truth to protect yourself, he traversed the universe to make the truth known. “how can you expect me to give you the love you want when you don't even know what it is?”
what an ugly pair you two make.
“that's bullshit!” you were gasping for air. scavenging your mind to try and find a way to refute him like you always do. “i want you, veritas! do you not understand that?”
“no.” he answered with a shake of his head. “no, i do not, [name].”
you feel your already broken heart crack a little more.
“that stuff is all bullshit.” your whisper now was just above whisper. “so what if what you said is true? you loved me at least didn't you?”
veritas didn't like the way you looked at him. so full of loneliness and fear. that look didn't suit you, not in the slightest.
“that's all i needed, veritas. you loved me so much i forgot what it felt like to hate myself.”
to love means to surrender intellectual control; veritas ratio cannot rationalize love even if you told him otherwise. but there was one thing you didn't tell him - one thing you refused to tell veritas ratio.
‘if your partner has inherently good qualities, but your love for them is based on a projection of your fantasy onto them, your love does not fit the qualities of the beloved that fueled your love. your love fails to be epistemically justified.’
— [name], ????. the emotion that is love.
© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.
I didn’t have a gacha phase- YOU DO- 😒🫵
Me remembering I have a YT Channel with 2.45k subs that I havnt fed in MONTHS and a video with 487k views…
Yeah no Gacha phase here… okay but seriously idk if I even have time to make vids anymore and the community is scaring me. I miss the times when I could just chat with my little community I created on my channel, now they are all gone and I’m left alone..
I wanna draw something cool but everytime time i do i start to slowly begin to morph into a weird monster head with grossly large proportions
ANON ARE YOU OK???????
first mace roll of the session and it’s a nat 20 to potentially initiate a battle by pulling a sword out of the stone. we love to see it.
also nikkie’s sigh and “it wasn’t enough.” and the way mace’s face dropped was priceless
i can't just be your friend. .i wish i never knew you.
@arlin-potato3 No no sorry I forgot to specify yes in fact he did use telekinesis he's just that cool
Ok yes we all know he needed that but..
Optimus runnn 💀✨️✨️🏃♂️
Tap 4 better quality. Tumblr sharted on it
I'm thinking of writing willy wonka X anakin skywalker fanfic. the man who is seen as a god by people? interesting
chat I want to make alex (oc) genderfluid she/he. and somehow willy would know when she changes... and he would definitely jokes something about like 'so what temperature will you be gendersolid?' (you know DAMN WELL will... I know who you are) THEY'RE SILLIEST EVER *explodes*
I know william is a common name but I'll never shut up the fact that the name is canon in the roald dahl universe or whatever you called it. you can't tell me that willy's full name isn't william
Do yall also say some male celebrity/character is hot and then act so obsessed with them but in reality you don't even think they're that attractive...
🎶🎵Time to bug my family into getting me diagnosed🎵🎶
ADHD is spending your whole life being told that you’re not doing your best and that you could do better if you tried harder and worked harder until you believe it yourself, becoming convinced that your your best work is actually only your average, and there’s a mythical, hypothetical, never-before-seen Your Best, which is surely the work of gods.
So you end up with this inflated ego and stalwart belief that you should be capable of curing cancer, discovering new planets, composing new opera pieces to take the world by storm, if you only tried harder. But for some inexplicable reason, you simply won’t put your mind and focus on it, and now you hate yourself for not being the spectacular specimen you were taught you ought to be.
And that’s why you end up having these conversations with your therapist where they are like “normal people don’t put this kind of demands and expectations on themselves”, and you dead seriously fucking answer
“Yes, but I’m not normal people.”
I always procrastinate everything no matter how important.
But today I broke my favorite mug and you best believe I was at my local arts and crafts store to buy superglue within the next ten minutes.
I WISH ROMANTIC FEELINGS HAD A REAL FUCKING DEFINITION!!!!!
"Butterflies in your tummy" I get that every time I talk to anyone because I'm an anxious wreck
"Ohh you get all blushy" I blush whenever I remember literally any compliment from anyone. I blush when someone says I blink robotically. I blush when I remember that time my driving instructor said I went through a stop sign correctly.
"You get nervous when thinking about them" I'm always nervous.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!
