I've Misread (or, More Accurately, Misinterpreted) A Post About The Constructicons Plugging Into Each

I've misread (or, more accurately, misinterpreted) a post about the Constructicons plugging into each other. It was probably about them plug'n'playing, but regardless of the method, this medieval picture of Turkish men party-harding and chain-fucking each other got stuck in my head, and I can't UNTHINK it and unimagine the Constructicons having a circle orgy. It's like a circle jerk, but on a whole other level. Holy crap.

NSFW under the cut.

Fuck off, Tumblr, this is historical context. I post it for education. For friendship leaves a vacuum still, which love, and love alone, can fill. I teach about aşk here.

Making it fit

Expandable valves. Hell yeah. Instead of breaking and hurting with a bigger partner, why can't high-tech alien robot cunts just adapt to accommodate them? Their internal components can literally be rearranged temporarily without any damage. 

But what if this technique is not that easy to perform? While it requires a T-cog, it's still not an ordinary transformation. And you have to hold it like that while being profoundly fucked, otherwise you'll be ruptured. And you are supposed to enjoy it.

Imagine older bots such as Kup being tidbits because in their years they're likely to master the art of taking it real big. Maybe it's easier for triple-changers, more so for quadruple-, and so on.

(But since it's my blog my rules here, I'll die standing on conviction that the most tempting are those whose valve is naturally big and ample.)

Rodimus slightly fucking with the discipline while slightly fucking the discipline enforcer.

Working with Ultra Magnus can sometimes be a hell of a task. Who says that interfacing with him would not? Yet Rodimus would not trade having Magnus by his side for anything. And, when after Minimus' true identity was revealed and things started taking quite an intimate path, it came to them exploring each other in a way that was never an option for an enforcer of the Tyrest Accord (but for just Minimus Ambus, well, could be discussed), there was a lot to figure out. 

One minute Minimus could be a lovely pile of moaning, trembling metal and wires, coated messily in fluids. And after a short post-overload bliss, he's quickly put back together with his usual self-control and, sadly, his compulsory habits. And for Rodimus, having Minimus all grumpy and fiercely trying to immediately clean up is an act of cruel party-pooping. Can't they just cuddle for a little bit?

Solution? Take Minimus to the captain's personal washracks and cuddle there under the streams of solvent. 

That's how they end up again, Rodimus standing under the steaming fall, hissing over his plating, with Minimus tucked into him back-to-chest and Rodimus' right hand holding him safely over his middle. And the other hand is purposefully ruining the blissful idleness of the moment, holding a hose against Minimus' hips. A warm stream, strong but not overly firm, is meeting with Minimus' lower torso, traveling to his spread tights, then traveling back, and again. 

Minimus is quivering, his expression quickly losing its stiffness. But he continues with his words about how they are violating the rules of using the ship's washracks, which paragraphs they're breaking. And how they're just wasting the solvent, and how it's all just "Rodimus, it's not necessary.".

"Sorry, can't hear you," Rodimus snorts. "Too steamy here, the sound must be dispersing."

He aims the massaging stream at Minimus' uncovered valve, gaining a precious moan and feeling his own array pinging him for stimulation in sympathy. He knows the nodes over the entrance are pulsing with crimson light, just as they do every time he's taking this valve with his spike or his tongue. Speaking of spikes… The stream is moving higher, hitting little nodes on the underside of Minimus' spike, and Minimus is undignifiedly kicking the air with his legs. And back to the nodes around the tightening entrance. The moment Minimus gets the sweet pressure back on his biggest node, he convulses with his whole frame, adding to the solvent with his own wetness. He sags and hears Rodimus' frantic swearing. 

Rodimus is unsure of what to do with himself. Fuck his tired partner again? He's not an asshole. 

"Give me the hose, Rodimus." He's not arguing. With his both hands he's moving Minimus lower until the small, hot valve is pressed to the upper side of his shaft, and clumsy fingers are touching the head, and the firm stream is hitting his own nodes this time. Rodimus has to lock all the joints and servos in his legs to just stand straight, crying out in overload, one or two expletives leaving his voice box. 

Oh, how Minimus will scold him and lecture him on terms of use of the ship's washracks. But he's thankful for a good minute of just relaxing under the warm shower with (finally) a completely relaxed Minimus.

Why punctuation is important I saw a "bed, wed, behead" post with TFP Megatron without a comma between "bed" and "wed". A Freudian slip occurred, and my train of thoughts was unstoppable as usual. Megatron, the bed-wetter? Well, weird, I've never considered. But, eh, logical.

I recalled a German movie about Hitler hiring a Jewish man to help him improve his eloquence. And there Hitler was portrayed as a nervous addict pissing his bed. It is this type of comedy that makes you wonder what the bloody hell you are watching and WHY, and makes you wanna put your brain in a dishwasher. But now I think maybe it's a legit way to portray a dictator?

Not to mention that being high can make your body betray you in the lowest ways. So, Dark Energon can have an unforeseen side effect.

And all that because of one missed comma. 

(I'm not sure if I should tag this as kinky stuff. At this point, it's not kinky, but maybe we could explore this side in this blog later.)

[This post is sponsored by Minimus Ambus, your favorite grammar Na… oh no, not now.]

$10 says there will be an eddying rush of porn with virgin Orion Pax on equally virgin Megatron (I don't expect much Elita, I know where I am). And I await it. Inexperienced lovers awkwardly exploring each other and the whole sex thing is one of my top favorite genres of erotic content.

(And good guys Quintessons could give us more friendly tentacle porn. C'mon, fearsome polylimbic masters can't fulfill the niche for strong organic (or at least semi-organic) folks fucking big robots on equal terms for mutual enjoyment, they should try better.)

Well, I'm not even gonna watch Earthspark anymore (I tried, I failed, I'm good with it), but my god, I have to make a point. Why I understand those who're tired of Starscream being a piece of shit. It seems to me that all these people who are openly pissed about Starscream being an evil bastard again are not ignorant of the fact that he's canonically a villain in every continuity, except for SG. It's hard not to notice that he's such a traitorous baddie he's got his own evil trope on TV Tropes.

Starscream being the traitor to Megatron's big bad, whose part in the story is to overthrow his leader (well, to be accurate, to try and fail and get his ass kicked), is a core principle of almost any TF narrative. An absolute law of the TF universe.

Look, there's no Jesus' character arc without Judas betraying him. (Some may argue that Judas didn't betray him, he just SOLD him, but, eh, still not nice.) I absolutely love how it was reflected in L. Andreyev's "Judas Iscariot", where it clearly pains Judas to betray his master. But he has to. Otherwise, the story won't happen, the purpose won't be fulfilled, the act of providence won't be done, the myth of Christ won't happen. And from my postmodern point of view, I admire how well this aspect of the myth creation was nailed. Even if I'm doing some crazy hermeneutics here.

So, Starscream being evil, betraying Megatron, and becoming the leader of the Decepticons is fine. It serves the narrative. The problem is that his characterization does not evolve. Cartoon G1 Megs is a far cry from what we're getting now. By this moment, he's been a proletarian, a revolutionary, a gladiator, a poet, an activist, an atoner, Optimus' friend, the Autobot's ally, the American government's ("humanity's") ally. Bad guy, good guy, misunderstood guy. It's all Megatron.

And Starscream? Oh, he's a motherfucker with a heart of a jerk, vile, cowardly, incompetent, prone to gloating, morally inferior, having no goals aside from being the leader for the sake of being the fucking leader. Yeah, they experimented with his personality, his goals, and his methods in Armada. In IDW Starscream was doing better before it turned out to just serve Windblade's arc. But it's not much in comparison with what Megatron's getting.

It's too early to tell in which direction they're gonna take Steamcream in TF: One. But I'm inclined to expect him to follow his usual characterization and tropes. A despicable, corrupt asshole, while Megatron seems like a nice guy turned rebellious and violent under oppression.  Again, it's the authors' favorite boy Megatron and their whipping boy Starscream to pin all the lowly evil shit on.