Chapter Drop: Leaking Spark, Ch 13

Chapter Drop: Leaking Spark, ch 13

Okay so on the one hand yes you are observing correctly i have published an insane amount of writing today and yesterday and should probably slow down

On the other hand I'm basically stuck in immobile limbo and moving hurts (TL;DR: chronic health stuff + batshit crazy start to my week), so escape the fuck into story i do once mandatory life chores and needs are tended, so enjoy the flood while it lasts 🤣 story updates will not always be this rapid. Y'all being spoiled this week.

Animal caretaker venting continued:

I'm gonna fucking lose it i just took a fucking STAPLE away from Gizmo. I asked him what the heck he was chewing on and that's what he spat out onto the floor in front of me.

*places face in pillow. Screams.*

(Bird-mom Venting)

Not me blasting 20 of the 13 spoons of energy i woke up with today, because I ache all over and needed to rest and yake it slow and easy aaaaand...

...in the middle of getting my birds corralled for breakfast and settled, Echo (Indian Ringneck) is acting funny for his usual behavior at breakfast. I thought perhaps my routine and well-being being off was provoking it, and then i saw movement in my peripheral and both my birds attention shifted

GIZMO KITTY STEPPED A FOOT IN THE BIRD ROOM BECAUSE THE BIRD ROOM DOOR WAS OPEN *AND* THE DOOR TO MY SPOOKY EPIC STAIRWELL WHERE I LIVE DOWNSTAIRS' DOOR WAS OPEN AND THAT'S EXCLUSIVELY *MY* FAULT AND HOW THE FUCK DID I FUCK UP OR SKIP MY SAFETY CHECKS I HAVE LIKE FIVE SAFETY CHECKS FUCK YOU MIND FOG AND FATIGUE AAAUUUUGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHH

like literally the basement door to my apartment has a little slide lock on it so I can ensure kitties cannot open the door by figuring out the doorknob, and also because doing that means NORMALLY paying attention and not forgetting to ensure the door is fully actually shut not just almost shut aiabfiwoeofnyvidbe.

*screaming crying vibrating in place*

And i think i might have actually teleported across the room after Echo took flight, and Gizmo promptly went "what the fuck was THAT WOAH" and turned to trot after him towards the livingroom and i

Channeled energy i haven't used since the last time i had to yeet over and grab my baby Bongo (green cheek conure) off Echo's cage because she is so pretty and so emotionally aware and astute with PEOPLE because she was hand raised and taken from her parents by people and AAAAAAAAH SHE JUST STOOD ON HIS CAGR TO LET HIM ATTACK HET LIKE A CONFUSED GOLDEN RETRIEVER.

i did not faint this time after crisis was averted, however. That was good. Last time after I got Bongo off Echo's cage and the blood stopped with cornstarch over her confused beeps, told my mom who to call (thank the Gods for good Zoos with good exotic species veterinarians) and I think i passed her off not let her fly over, and then i promptly blacked out. Not from panic, though that didn't help, the panic actually came after i came to sitting up and someone telling me i passed out and THEN i panicked because i realized i was utterly useless in a crisis situation but at least i got everything critical accomplished and passed off to those who could (Bongo was okay, one expensive vet trip and my forever sorrow she's now missing one talon but it healed remarkably well)

I never feel more like a failure as a bird or cat or anything mom, as the viscerally real and tangible moments when my babies get hurt or could have gotten hurt.

Whooooooo weeee. Okay. Yeah.i just had to scream about that for a hot minute there because i got everyone settled, everyone is fine, Gizmo heard me raise my voice in full No Nonsense Mom Emergency Command hollar (the kitties are the newest members of our family) for the first time ever, and Echo finally went in to eat his breakfast.

Now I'm shaking and chilling with oatmeal and tumblr and wow okay imma just. Sit here for a bit. O w.

(for context, those of you new to my blog, i have chronic issues that cause problems with balance and paina nd just kind of existing on the physical plane in general weeeeee, so thr things i am not suppossd to do that i used to do all tbe time, include moving fast, standing up quickly, and turning pr moving my head too quickly. All of whi h i just did l. Weeeeeee. That is why i mentioned blowing all my spoons of energy. That one crisis save just killed most my plans for tbe day vut also wow it was more effective than any coffee or energy drinkcould ever be on waking me the fuck up.)

Chapter Drop: Leaking Spark, ch 10

New chapter dropped! :3

Gauging Interest:

So....

....i actually got inspired to consider doing this project by my Star Wars fic, Travel Buddies, which has reached a large enough audience i often wonder of any people who might struggle to read through longer chapters, or who would love to listen and have the mental space to, but don't have the time to stare at a screen actually reading.

I sometimes throw my own stories on a text-to-speech reading to listen to while I'm physically busy doing cleaning or work or art or other tasks, and while i can fall into the story, sometimes that fake voice breaks my immersion with weird pronunciations of names and such, and I wanted to just do a reading outright.

My biggest hangup... i SUCK at voice acting. I used to practice it all the time as a kid and then i got teased all the time because i just fucking. If someone has an accent and I'm talking to them it's a struggle to not pick it up, it's not even intentional i just do it and my friends loved making me talk British or Aussie (which was often because friends in that group were in Britan and Australia xD) before i had to GO TO CLASS OR WORK FUCK

Fuuuuuuuuck

Anyhow

I miss it

I strangled it out of myself being self conscious without even realizing that and i kinda want fix that. I'm not the greatest I'll never be the best but i can talk decent.

I don't necessarily need to make a dedicated published project out of my practice though, so my question is-- would anyone wish to hear an audio book of my fanfics? I would be doing all of them, though I'd likely start with Leaking Spark and Travel Buddies as they have the easiest flow for me to read without getting self conscious.

(reblogs appreciated! ❤️)

update: Bongo has pain meds, antibiotics, and a fancy foot cream. One dislocated toe knuckle that may heal crooked abd if so she will still be able to get around

Picture tax now that i am calmed marginally enough to think of it:

Info dump below the cut. You've been warned.

The big gest concern is ensuring the injuries stay clean and heal well, she's a very tough little gal and is being a big trooper. She's gotten her Forbidden Favorite Junk Food of Sunflower seeds (i fed her other seeds; she was eating almost exclusively sunflower when i adopted her and was literally addicted to them and it took about eight years off my life in the six months it took to convince her to even TRY a fancy stupid good and healthy pellet cold pressed to preserve nutrients and expensive because it's lacking stupid artificial vitamin K that has questionable effects on parrots long term feed with it and lacking stupid filler things that interrupt vitamin absorption or are unhealthy as fuck when eaten in too much quantity (IM LOOKING AT YOU, SUNFLOWER SEEDS. Epic treat. Bad primary food choice.) and no dyes or blah blah blah

My birds often eat better than i do xP

So she's been spoiled with extra seeds, her favorite almonds, and she got to eat the sunflower seeds from the vet. She's mostly needy in wanting company so I'll be sleeping near her tonight and also to monitor just in case she has mobility issues, she's pretty tired and sore and it's telling in the way she moves. Birds are exceptionally good at hiding pain and injury (please see the first time something like this happened, and i didn't NOTICE SHE HAD A BLOODY ASS FOOT FOR AT LEAST THREE HOURS BECAUSE SHE HID IT. I only noticed because when i asked her to step up to s perch, she used the wrong foot and i wondered why she changed her pattern.), so seeing her show any sign of distress makes my mom agony meter blast orbit with anxiety

Anxiety i was able to stuff down long enough to take care of her, she should date willing be okay ;-; new scars, but okay. It freaks me the fuck out in the most existential and absurd way that she... Reminds me so much of me. Bingo is basically my kid. Not in the "she's a people too!" No, she's a bird, she has bird properties etc etc etc but she is family to me, and she is my responsibility to take care of and there's no glorious future of rehabilitation and wild release just like there's not for 99% of any captive raised bird.

i get nervous admitting that out loud because my whole life I've known so many people who are very aggressive on anything they perceive as "not putting humans first exclusively and in all matters ever"

Like no bro

I would drive scary ass mountains for this bird if i had to or climb up thorny trees without protective gear or tackle a big ass dog. I HAVE hauled myself through the mires of both whole body shutdown because my stupid glitchy nervous system says "shit this math is too hard. Im tired of keeping up with this humans too fast movements. Just shut everything down for a bit" in order to make sure she was taken care of and then i can go crash and implode (i am approaching the implode stage but writing about it is helping me do that in a more managed way hooooo boy. Thank fuck for breathing exercises.) and i kindly said no duck you

Then promptly blacked the duck out and fainted the instant i had finished getting everything crucial done, handed off to other people. Weeeee. Glad this time there was no fainting, thank fuck. I was the only one home to take care of her so also thank whoever and all i have for watching out for us today. Bongo could have been hurt so much worse, I'm really very confident in being able to tend these wounds fate willing, so it's not like doomsday of "wow. My bird lost her entire foot" or worse.

She's drinking, eating, being sassy and cuddly and her usual self.

And there's something so freaky about relating so hard to her. Sometimes i have to remember to consider to let someone know I'm in a lot of pain, because it just. Doesn't show unless you really know me. Bongo reminds me of when i was a kid and frighteningly fearless and too tough by half. It just keeps smacking me in the face lately with that like

That thing you see when people are like

"hahaaa i hope you get a child just like y o u"

Me, with a bird too much like me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Echo is, by the by, okay as well-- i didn't find any injuries on him, and he was mostly just pretty shaken up and exploding with anxiety (which is an understatement). I had to towel him for the first time since adopting him-- something was have avoided like the plague and reserved for emergencies.

He needs to be taught how to be comfortable with towing, but that's not something he's ready for yet, so it's something we haven't done anything with and damn if my baby bird didn't handle that scary thing well for him. I was scared i would come home to him with a bloody face; Echo has a downright phobia of being confined in a cage (don't blame him, i really don't) and it brought me to tears the first time he went into his cage all on his own without any treats to lure him in, he went inside just because he *wanted* to and we'd established enough trust he was confident in knowing i would in fact let him out regularly and he'd not be trapped all day.

So this being

The first time I'd personally toweled him (he's been toweled by the vet of course, but for now we let only them do that and he gets spoiled with treats after)

I left WITH Bongo for.... Like eight hours? That might not seem like much especially if you don't know birds, but Echo has serious anxiety issues that if he's so provoked into panic, and lately we've been having issues with him freaking out when Bongo leaves the room but he's still in it (i cannot let them out at the same time, please see; they will fight; I cannot let Bongo loose in the bird room like I can Echo, because Bongo is the kind of smart that knows how to calm a human down and manipulate a household by how she directs her attention (she very deliberately takes "turns" spending time with each person in the house it's so fucking cute. And while she's being a Whoever's Bird she will snub her nose at everyone else for cuddles or games or anything except mandatory routine which she follows still)... And Bongo is also the kind of stupid that flies to Echo's cage, lands on it, then stands there and bitches him out and just. Just let's him attack her feet. She might take a single sidestep i swear to Gods Bongo you've taken a few years off my life in a matter of seconds i lived those moments for ETERNITY GWUHUUH.

Anyhow. Echo was shaken up, but chill enough after i stepped in to confirm he was uninjured and his water was still filled (he trashed his food bowls, and also yanked favorite perch off which is a first), that he started quiet with just a few contact calls while I went through all the steps of getting Bongo her first doses of medicine (she protested of course but we got them done), and getting her hospital cage assembled. (It's a flimsy was fuck fold up thing I'm disappointed by because we wanted it for a travel cage, but it works great for exactly this)

Once she was all settled, then i went over and hung out with Echo for a bit, then gave him some blueberries which he snatched with the desperate grab of Swindle reaching for rust sticks; actually hungry and excitedly ravenous for it and also needing that reassurance that comes with a gift of food.

Birds don't just yeet their fledglings out of the best and duck off. At least the species I've researched, there could be some exceptions I'm sure. But most birds, they continue to take care of their babies even when they're not really babies anymore and are fully grown and can feed themselves now-- parent birds will comfort them or praise them with sharing food or other interactions. They're highly social creatures.

Yeah Echo and Bongo fought and she got hurt but he's not the bad guy or villain in this situation; if blame goes anywhere it's on me as the human captor who controls every aspect of their lives from what food they have access to to where they can and cannot fly and and and

It's suffocating for birds to feel controlled. It's an exhausting dance between offering them as many choices and opportunities to be independent and act on preferences was possible, while still ensuring I'm making sure they're safe and healthy and not doing something they won't live to learn a lesson from.

I'm not really mad at him. I am frustrated, but that frustration comes from feeling helpless to not know how to unravel his behavioral patterns of late so i can help him be more comfortable.

Sigh but that's a whole other novel of sorry and I've vented enough.

Bongo is okay

Echo is okay

I will be okay. Whoooooo. Sold some painted skulls so that right there covered the costs of the vet visit and medicine thank duck.

...

I'm going to just accept the duck typo. It amuses me. Also fuck you phone

(Bird-mom Venting)

Not me blasting 20 of the 13 spoons of energy i woke up with today, because I ache all over and needed to rest and yake it slow and easy aaaaand...

...in the middle of getting my birds corralled for breakfast and settled, Echo (Indian Ringneck) is acting funny for his usual behavior at breakfast. I thought perhaps my routine and well-being being off was provoking it, and then i saw movement in my peripheral and both my birds attention shifted

GIZMO KITTY STEPPED A FOOT IN THE BIRD ROOM BECAUSE THE BIRD ROOM DOOR WAS OPEN *AND* THE DOOR TO MY SPOOKY EPIC STAIRWELL WHERE I LIVE DOWNSTAIRS' DOOR WAS OPEN AND THAT'S EXCLUSIVELY *MY* FAULT AND HOW THE FUCK DID I FUCK UP OR SKIP MY SAFETY CHECKS I HAVE LIKE FIVE SAFETY CHECKS FUCK YOU MIND FOG AND FATIGUE AAAUUUUGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHH

like literally the basement door to my apartment has a little slide lock on it so I can ensure kitties cannot open the door by figuring out the doorknob, and also because doing that means NORMALLY paying attention and not forgetting to ensure the door is fully actually shut not just almost shut aiabfiwoeofnyvidbe.

*screaming crying vibrating in place*

And i think i might have actually teleported across the room after Echo took flight, and Gizmo promptly went "what the fuck was THAT WOAH" and turned to trot after him towards the livingroom and i

Channeled energy i haven't used since the last time i had to yeet over and grab my baby Bongo (green cheek conure) off Echo's cage because she is so pretty and so emotionally aware and astute with PEOPLE because she was hand raised and taken from her parents by people and AAAAAAAAH SHE JUST STOOD ON HIS CAGR TO LET HIM ATTACK HET LIKE A CONFUSED GOLDEN RETRIEVER.

i did not faint this time after crisis was averted, however. That was good. Last time after I got Bongo off Echo's cage and the blood stopped with cornstarch over her confused beeps, told my mom who to call (thank the Gods for good Zoos with good exotic species veterinarians) and I think i passed her off not let her fly over, and then i promptly blacked out. Not from panic, though that didn't help, the panic actually came after i came to sitting up and someone telling me i passed out and THEN i panicked because i realized i was utterly useless in a crisis situation but at least i got everything critical accomplished and passed off to those who could (Bongo was okay, one expensive vet trip and my forever sorrow she's now missing one talon but it healed remarkably well)

I never feel more like a failure as a bird or cat or anything mom, as the viscerally real and tangible moments when my babies get hurt or could have gotten hurt.

Whooooooo weeee. Okay. Yeah.i just had to scream about that for a hot minute there because i got everyone settled, everyone is fine, Gizmo heard me raise my voice in full No Nonsense Mom Emergency Command hollar (the kitties are the newest members of our family) for the first time ever, and Echo finally went in to eat his breakfast.

Now I'm shaking and chilling with oatmeal and tumblr and wow okay imma just. Sit here for a bit. O w.

(for context, those of you new to my blog, i have chronic issues that cause problems with balance and paina nd just kind of existing on the physical plane in general weeeeee, so thr things i am not suppossd to do that i used to do all tbe time, include moving fast, standing up quickly, and turning pr moving my head too quickly. All of whi h i just did l. Weeeeeee. That is why i mentioned blowing all my spoons of energy. That one crisis save just killed most my plans for tbe day vut also wow it was more effective than any coffee or energy drinkcould ever be on waking me the fuck up.)

CoverArt: Gladiators of Kaon

(Fanfic link below the cut)