I Forgot To Read The URL At First And Just Accepted This As Reality.

I forgot to read the URL at first and just accepted this as reality.

I found proof of John Mulaney being immortal because I found a set of detective comics made in 1958 where he was the main character.

the doctor: so you’re an angel and a demon, like, properly? I’ve never met and angel and a demon. well, I’ve met the devil, after a fashion, but not a demon-demon, not the way you seem to be. that’s–fascinating.

aziraphale: yes well. you smashed my wine. and knocked over my books. 

crowley, giving him the eye from head to toe: you’re not a human are you. with the. hair. and the suit. 

the doctor: nah. i travel all through time and space.

aziraphale: that doesn’t explain anything really.

the doctor: you can come if you want. never had an angel and a demon on board. the miracle thing would probably be handy, actually. 

crowley: i don’t do miracles. i do temptations.

aziraphale: you do too do miracles.

crowley: only for you, angel, i’m not doing miracles for–whatever he is. him. not doing it. 

the doctor: are you two - ?

aziraphale: no

crowley: yes

aziraphale, startled: i mean – oh. i mean yes?

crowley, at exactly the same time: i mean no. 

the doctor, disappearing back into the tardis: great. well it’s all of time and space if you like. coming? 

aziraphale: oh we can’t. crowley we can’t. we exist outside of time and space, we can’t go traveling through it. 

crowley: who says we can’t? god? well, bugger to her, then. 

aziraphale: i thought you didn’t like him.

crowley: i don’t, but nobody else here is offering the whole time and space bit. 

aziraphale: well, who will guard humanity if we’re not here?

crowley: well i guess i got the impression that he did. so we’d still be doing it, just a bit, well. out of order.

aziraphale: …out of order.

crowley: and all over space. we could go all over. mars. the whole of the milky way, we could go star-sailing. see what else is out there. 

aziraphale: we could…see some of the systems you made, couldn’t we?

crowley: sure. yeah, we could, sure.

aziraphale, putting down his book and decidedly not reacting to the interior of the tardis: doctor? hello doctor fellow? we’d like to come.

the doctor, all knowing smiles: yeah? where to first, boys?

crowley, stepping into the tardis: well she’s no bentley, that’s for sure. 

aziraphale: alpha centauri.

crowley: al…alpha centauri?

aziraphale: alpha centauri. 

the doctor: there’s no making out on the bridge. there’s no–THERE’S NO MAKING OUT ON THE BRIDGE, oh, for time’s sake. 

Gentle self care

Get a big glass of water and see how good you are at chugging. Sipping water is for pussies, scull that sweet sweet agua like a bitch ass winner.

Do you have a pet? Fucking pet that motherfucker. Give your lil floof all the love you were denied as a kid.

Why are you wearing pants at home??? Seriously why? Who are you trying to impress?

For that matter, people with boobs, why are you wearing a rediculous spandex chest prison??? Get rid??? Set your flappy skin free???

Get outside. Sit in the sun. Roll on the grass. Eat a plant for all I care. Just make sure you do that like a fucking badass.

Eat a fucking apple or some shit. It’s sweet and delicious and your body wants it. Go to town on that apple. Make love to that apple. Destroy that apple with your rabid hunger.

Sleep naked, at least once. No one’s gonna see or judge. Trust me on this, you’ll never feel more free in your life. Just make sure it’s not winter otherwise you’ll never feel colder in your life.

Make some hecking ice lollies. Step 1: juice, Step 2: water, Step 3: freeze that bitch. Bam, you’ve got yourself a nutritious treat and its delicious as f Uck.

Take your arms and wrap the around your buddy. EMBRACE your brethren like the punk rocker you are. Give them a hug, a proper one, none if that half assed pat-on-back shit. HUG LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

Wash, rinse and repeat.

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that’d be a tragedy.”

“Not quite”, says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raises her hand: “if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explained the president. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy? “

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, “If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed Mr. Trump. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well’, said little Johnny, “because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

💚💜💖

Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.