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Trans Anger Is Justified. I Have Been Told My Entire Life That Who I Am Was Less Important Than How People
Trans anger is justified. I have been told my entire life that who I am was less important than how people feel about me and when I came out, I was bombarded with denial. I've been told that I'm predatory simply because I am trans, I've been called names, I've been put under the microscope dozens of times.
If trans anger makes you uncomfortable, know that transphobia has made millions of trans people uncomfortable and unsafe.
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More Posts from Deruwan2


đBarbie, eat your heart out.đ
you wanna take this outside bro???? you wanna watch the stars with me bro????? confess our feelings under the moon bro?????

My whole queer experience has been â¨denialâ¨
On fae/faer pronouns and cultural appropriation
HOW IT STARTED
I had a handful, a very small handful but more than two, responses in the Gender Census feedback box telling me that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative. The reasons didnât always agree, and the culture that was being appropriated wasnât always the same, but hereâs a selection of quotes:
âFae pronouns are cultural appropriation and are harmful to useâ - UK, age 11-15
âIâm not a person who practices pagan holidays but, my understanding is that pronouns like fae/faeself are harmful because the fae are real to pagans and is like using Jesus/jesuself as pronounsâ - UK, age 11-15
âI know youâve probably heard this a million times, so has everyone on the internet, but the âmere existenceââof the fae pronoun feels really uncomfortable for some of us. Iâm personally not against neopronouns like xe/xim, er/em and the like, I am a pagan but apart from the, imo most important, reasoning of that pronoun being immensely disrespectful, I worry as an nb about people who banalize the usage of pronouns â'for funâ, and Iâm quoting what some people have told me.â - Spain, 16-20
âI donât agree with fae/deity pronouns just from a pagan perspective itâs very disrespectful to the cultures they come from. Like Fae are a legit thing in many cultures and they hate with a fiery passion mortal humans calling themselves Fae to the point of harming/cursing the people who do itâ - USA, age 16-20
âonly celtic people can use far/ faers otherwise itâs cultural appropriation, many celts have said this and told me thisâ - USA, age 16-20
So thatâs:
â Someone who doesnât say whether theyâre pagan or Celtic.
â Someone who definitely isnât pagan.
â Someone who is pagan.
â Someone who doesnât say whether theyâre pagan or Celtic.
â Someone who doesnât say whether theyâre pagan or Celtic.
So, just to disclose some bias up-front, I am English so Iâm not Celtic, but I do live in Wales so I am surrounded by Celts. The bit of Wales that I live in is so beautiful in such a way that when my French friend came to visit me she described it as fĂŠerique - like an enchanting, magical land, literally âfairylikeâ or thereabouts. Coincidentally I have also considered myself mostly pagan for over half of my life, and I canât definitively claim whether or not the Fae are âpart of paganismâ because paganism is so diverse and pickânâmix that it just doesnât work that way.
To me the idea that fae/faer pronouns would be offensive or culturally appropriative sounds absurd. But also, I am powered by curiosity, and have been wrong enough times in my life that I wanted to approach this in a neutral way with an open mind. Perhaps what I find out can be helpful to some people.
So since we only have information from one person who is definitely directly affected by any cultural appropriation that may be happening, the first thing I wanted to do was get some information from ideally a large number of people who are in the cultures being appropriated, and see what they think.
~
WHAT I DID
First of all I put some polls up on Twitter and Mastodon, which have not closed yet, but theyâve got enough responses that i feel pretty okay about publishing the results.
I specified that I wanted to hear from nonbinary Celts and pagans, just so that the voters would be familiar with fae/faer pronouns. I asked the questions in a neutral way, i.e. âHow do you feel aboutâŚâ with âgood/neutral/badâ answer options, instead of something more leading like âIs this a load of rubbish?â or âare you super offended?â with âyes/noâ options. I provided a âsee resultsâ option, so that the poll results wouldnât be skewed as much by random people clicking any old answer to see the results. And I invited voters to express their opinions in replies.
Question #1:Â Nonbinary people of Celtic descent (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall, the Isle of Man, and Brittany), how do you feel about non-Celtic people using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ Itâs good / No strong feelings/other / Itâs bad ]
Question #2: Nonbinary pagans, how do you feel about non-pagans using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ Itâs good / No strong feelings/other / Itâs bad ]
The Twitter polls got over 700 responses each, and the Mastodon polls got over 100 responses each. With a little bit of spreadsheetery I removed the âN/Aâ responses to reverse engineer the number of people voting for each option, combined those numbers, and recalculated percentages.
Obviously this approach is not in the least scientific, but thankfully the results were unambiguous enough and the samples were big enough that I feel comfortable drawing conclusions.
Celts on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-Celts (343 voters):
Itâs good - 40.5%
No strong feelings/other - 45.9%
Itâs bad - 13.6%
Pagans on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-pagans (316 voters):
Itâs good - 44.3%
No strong feelings/other - 42.2%
Itâs bad - 13.5%
Hereâs how that looks as a graph:

The limitations of polls on these platforms means that we have no way to distinguish between people who have more complicated views (âotherâ) and people who have âno strong feelingsâ, so we canât really draw conclusions there. If we stick to just the pure positive and pure negative:
Celts were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-Celts using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.
Pagans were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-pagans using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.
So Celts and pagans are way more likely to feel actively good about someoneâs fae/faer pronouns, even when that person is not a Celt/pagan. Thatâs some strong evidence against the idea that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative, right there.
~
CORRECTIONS
To be clear, I havenât done any research about the roots of fae/faer or the origins of the Fae and related beings, but my goal here was to get a sense of what Celts and pagans think and feel, rather than what an historian or anthropologist would say.
On the anti side, here were the replies that suggested fae/faer either is or might be inappropriate:
âI only worry that not everyone understands the origin of the word outside of modernized ideas of fairies.â - pagan
âAs a vaguely spiritual Whatever (Ireland), I think a mortal using âfaeâ as a pronoun/to refer to themselves is asking for a malicious and inventive fairy curse (on them, their families and possibly anyone in their vicinity, going by the traditions). I have not heard of this term before, so this is an immediate reaction from no background bar my cultural knowledge of sidhe/fae/term as culturally appropriate. My general approach is people can identify themselves as they want.â - Celtic
So weâve got a pagan whoâs wary that people who use fae/faer (and people in general) might not have a fully fleshed out idea of the Fae. And weâve got a Celt who doesnât mind people using fae/faer personally, but based on what they know of the Fae they wouldnât be surprised if the Fae got mad about it. No outright opposition, but a little concern.
There were not a lot of replies on the pro side, but not because people werenât into it, judging by the votes. There were a lot of âitâs more complicated than thatâ replies, many of which repeated others, so quotes wonât really work. Hereâs a summary of the Celtic bits:
âFaeâ is not a Celtic word, and Celts donât use it. It is French, or Anglo-French.
âFaeâ can refer to any number of stories/legends from a wide variety of cultures in Europe, not one cohesive concept.
There are many legends about fairy-like beings in Celtic mythologies, and there are many, many different names for them.
The Celts are not a monolith, theyâre a broad selection of cultures with various languages and various mythologies.
And the pagan bits:
Paganism is not closed or exclusive in any way. It might actually be more open than anything else, as âpaganâ is a sort of umbrella term for non-mainstream religions in some contexts. A closed culture would be a prerequisite for something to be considered âappropriatedâ from paganism.
From my own experience, pagans may or may not believe in the Fae, and within that group believers may or may not consider the Fae to be sacred and/or worthy of great respect. (Iâve certainly never met a pagan who worshipped the Fae, though I donât doubt that some do.)
And then we get into the accusations. đż
âthis issue wasnât started by Celtic groups or by people who know much about Celtic fae. It was started primarily by anti-neopronoun exclusionist pagans on TikTok.â
â[Iâm] literally Scottish [âŚ] and itâs not appropriative in the least and honestly to suggest as such is massively invalidating towards actual acts of cultural appropriation and is therefore racist. Feel like if this was actually brought up it was either by some people who seriously got their wires crossed or people who are just concern trolling and trying to make fun of both neo-pronouns and of the concept of cultural appropriation and stir the pot in the process.â
âIt wouldnât be the first time bigots falsly claim âitâs appropriative from X marginalized group" to harass people they donât like, like they did with aspec people when they claimed âaspecâ was stolen from autistic language (which was false, as many autistics said)â
âItâs been a discussion in pagan circles recently ⌠People were very quick to use the discussion as an excuse to shit on nonbinary people.â
âI think it would be apropos to note that the word âfaerie/fairyâ has been a synonym for various queer identities for decades, too. The Radical Faeries are a good example.â (So if anyone has the right to [re]claim itâŚ)
A little healthy skepticism is often wise in online LGBTQ+Â âdiscourseâ, and some of these people are making some very strong claims, for which Iâd love to see some evidence/sources/context. Some of it certainly sounds plausible.
~
HOW DID IT START?
I had a look on Twitter and the earliest claim I can find that fae/faer pronouns are cultural appropriation is from 18th February 2020, almost exactly one year ago today. Again, tweets are not the best medium for this, there was very little in the way of nuance or context. If anyone can find an older claim from Twitter or Tumblr or anywhere else online, please do send it my way.
I have no idea how to navigate TikTok because Iâm a nonbinosaur. (Iâm 34.) I did find some videos of teens and young adults apparently earnestly asserting that they were Celtic or pagan and the use of fae/faer pronouns was offensive, but the videos were very brief and provided nothing in the way of nuance or context. For example:
This one from October 2020 with 29k â¤ď¸s, by someone who I assume is USian based on the word âmomâ?
This one from December 2020, that says âI am pagan and i find it rather disrespectful. Itâs like using god/godr or jesus/jesusr.â Thatâs probably what inspired the feedback box comment above that refers to hypothetical jesus/jesusr pronouns.
If anyone is able to find a particularly old or influential TikTok video about fae/faer pronouns being appropriative Iâd really appreciate it, especially if itâs from a different age group or from not-the-USA, to give us a feel for how universal this is.
For context, fae pronouns were mentioned in the very first Gender Census back in May 2013, though youâll have to take my word for it as the individual responses are not currently public. The word âfaeâ was mentioned in the pronoun questionâs âotherâ textbox, and no other forms in the set were entered so we have no way of knowing for sure what that personâs full pronoun set actually is. This means the set may have been around for longer. The Nonbinary Wiki says that the pronoun set was created in October 2013, as âfae/vaerâ, later than the first entry in the Gender Census, so Iâll be editing that wiki page later! If anyone has any examples of fae/faer pronouns in use before 2013 I would also be very interested to see that.
~
IN SUMMARY
Obviously I canât speak for everyone, as the Twitter polls are not super scientific and they only surveyed a selection of Celts and pagans within a few degrees of separation of the Gender Census Twitter and Mastodon accounts, but I can certainly report on what I found.
For a more conclusive result, weâd need to take into account various demographics such as age, culture, location, religion, race/heritage, etc.
As far as I can tell based on fairly small samples of over 300 people per group at the time of writing, a minority of about 13% of Celtic and/or pagan people felt that use of fae/faer pronouns is appropriative.
A much higher number of people per group felt positive about people who are not Celts or pagans using fae/faer pronouns. The predominant view was:
It canât be cultural appropriation from Celtic cultures because fairy-like beings are not unique to Celtic cultures and Celtic cultures donât call them Fae.
It canât be cultural appropriation from pagan cultures because paganism is not âclosedâ or exclusive in any way, itâs too broad and open.
~
If your experience of your gender(s) or lack thereof isnât described or encompassed by the gender binary of âmale OR femaleâ, please do click here to take the Gender Census 2021 - itâs international and it closes no earlier than 10th March 2021!
theyâre so handsome