Daffodil - Sneak Peek

Daffodil - Sneak Peek

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female) ; Hoseok / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Release March 9, 2021

Summary  “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

Disclaimer English is not my first language, you might find a couple of mistakes here and there.

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first! I’m postponing for the last time, I swear! Since I’m terrible at following my own time table, here’s a little sneak peek to make up for my delay. See you tomorrow! 

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

[...]

     To keep herself occupied, Y/N decided to bring her new sketchbook and pencils to her new favorite coffee shop down the street. She discovered it during one of her runs and fell in love with it. It was small but cozy, with wooden furniture, lots of plants and delicious chocolate muffins.

     Drawing was one of those hobbies she had lost during Med School and rediscovered during this period of vacation. Since she lost practice, she wasn’t as good as she was before and wasn’t as satisfied with her portraits as she used to, crumpling and wasting more paper than she cared to admit. 

      Today’s subject was a little boy, peacefully doing his homework with his legs dangling under the table, his mother next to him reading a heavy looking book while sipping a cup of something smoking hot. He was just too cute to ignore. She was just sketching his left eye when she suddenly heard a male voice calling her name.

     “Y/N? Is that you?”

     She looked up at the sound. It took her a second to recognize the man standing next to her. He had changed over the years, looking more mature. He was wearing glasses now, a pair that made him look alluring, a vibe enhanced by his attire: black turtleneck, black trousers and black chelsea boots.

     “Yoongi?” Y/N exclaimed standing up. She gave him a quick instinctive hug, her body moving on its own accord. The man didn’t seem to mind, embracing her back with the same amount of affection. She couldn’t help but being surprised of seeing him. What were the chances of meeting someone you haven’t talked to for years in such a big city?

     “How are you?” the man sincerely smiled down to her. He too looked genuinely happy to see her. “It’s been ages since we last saw each other.”

     “My graduation.” she nodded sitting back down. “I’m fine, great actually. How about you? Hey,” she added shyly, not waiting for an answer. “Why don’t you seat with me. We could catch up.”

     “Actually,” Yoongi responded tentatively. “I’m meeting with the guys. Do you mind if they join us? I bet they would be happy to see you.”

     “By the guys, you mean the guys? You’re still in touch with each other?”

     Yoongi smirked sitting down on the chair in front of her and ordering an ice americano to a passing by waiter. “Of course we are. We’re brothers, you know?”

     Y/N smiled fondly in response. “Right.” They really were brothers. Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook were inseparable even back then. For a period of time Y/N was part of that family too. She felt nostalgic all of a sudden. “How are they? How are they doing?”

     “They’re doing great. Jimin and Taehyung work for the same magazine and are still as annoying as ever.” he smirked. “I’m still working in that research laboratory from years ago, remember? The one that hired me straight out of college.”

     “What about Jungkook?” Y/N asked. “Did he get into Med School?”

     “He did, actually. He’s going to start his residency this summer.” he answered. “How about you? Are you still focused on becoming the greatest heart surgeon of the country?”

     “You remember that?” Y/N giggled, recognizing her old catch phrase. “Of course I am. I’m starting my residency this summer too.”

     “Really? In the city? In what hospital? You and Jungkook might go to the same one.” 

     Before she could answer his question, Y/N heard her name being called once again, this time by two loud men. Jimin and Taehyung walked up to them with complete surprise printed on their faces. The last thing they expected to see that morning was their long-time friend sitting next to such a familiar face.

     Just like Yoongi, the two boys had changed quite a lot over four years. If possible, they became even more handsome. Taehyung had longer hair now, dark wavy locks falling over his eyes, giving him some kind of gloomy and mysterious vibe. He seemed broader too, his shoulders wider than she remembered. His fashion style had changed too, going from college heartthrob to company executive. Jimin had gone blonde, a color that suited him very well, in a manner that made him look ethereal like a prince. He looked like he walked straight from a fashion shoot, wearing luxurious looking shoes and sunglasses and standing there with all of his confident aura. 

     Y/N didn’t need to look around to know that their presence had captured the attention of everyone inside the shop and she found herself smiling.

     Just like the old days.

     “Jimin, Taehyung.” she saluted them with a hug as well. She wasn’t sure if it was to be considered awkward greeting someone she hadn’t seen for years like that, but she did it nonetheless. “Long time no see.”

     “No kidding!” the blonde said, grabbing a chair from the next table to join them. Taehyung followed him suit. “Are you back in town?”

     Y/N nodded. “I was just saying to Yoongi that I’m going to take my residency here.”

     “In that big ass hospital a few minutes from here?” Jimin asked.

     “Yeah, that.”

     “Jungkook also got accepted there.” Taehyung said before furrowing his brows. “That might be awkward.” He added before he could stop himself.

     Y/N shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t think so. It’s all water under the bridge. I mean, it was a long time ago.” she answered sincerely. All her feelings for him had vanished years ago. Truth be told, their memories together had become blurry too, a little bit romanticized even. Those few times she inevitably found herself thinking about him over the past few weeks was with fondness and a little bit of regret, but nothing more.

     Yoongi sighed. “About that.” he exchanged a furtive look with the others. “We never had the chance to clear things out. I’m not sure this is the right time or place since we just met each other again, but the thing is -”

     The woman put a hand up interrupting him. “There’s no need, Yoongi. Sarah explained everything to me a couple of months after graduation.”

     The boys stared at her with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

     “Sarah? That Sarah?” Taehyung clarified.

     Y/N nodded. “That Sarah. She sent me a message after she learned about me and Jungkook.” She remembered how unexpected it had been, much like a bolt from the blue. Just when all thoughts of him had finally disappeared, after weeks of anger and pain, everything she believed he did turned out to be a total misunderstanding. It gave her quite a whiplash.

     “Then, if you knew what really happened, why didn’t you contact us?” Jimin asked with a pout, half teasing and half serious. “We tried reaching out to you a lot of times but ...”

     “Don’t try making her feel guilty, Jimin.” Yoongi rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

     “No, he’s right.” the girl sighed playing with the teaspoon of her hot chocolate. After leaving their frat house that morning, the three boys had tried speaking to her for weeks, calling her, waiting for her after her classes and even coming to her apartment. But she never gave them a chance, too hurt to be able to separate her feelings towards Jungkook from those for the three of them. “I should have called you.” she admitted. “It’s just that ... I don’t know. I thought it was futile, too much time had passed. We all moved on with our lives by then.”

     The guys exchanged a quick knowing look, a little sad. 

     “I am sorry.” she said finally, looking up. “I guess it was immature of me.”

[...]

Someone - ‘No One’ AU - Preview

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Extreme Sports AU | Slice of Life AU | Heavy Angst

Warning Death | Mentions of Suicide | Mentions of Depression (Please, do NOT read if these themes are sensible to you)

Release April 26,2021 ca

Summary “He was the same man she encountered at the coffee shop the day her very first article was published. She remembered his black leather jacket, his bunny smile and his semicolon tattoo. Y/N had regretted not asking his number soon after he left the store. And she continued regretting it years later. She daydreamed about the handsome man from the coffee shop from time to time, but she had also surrendered to the fact that she would have never seen him again. So finding out that she had been a friend’s cousin away from him and that they were going to jump in tandem together, really made her believe in Yoongi’s words. She did live the picture perfect life.”

A/N This is a “What if?” on No One, it is highly recommended to read it first! 

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

@triviafics Thank you so much for recommending No One! 😍💜

Hi! Here are some of my recs for slice of life week (I love this blog btw 😊)

A&P by @btsarmy9593 (myg)

Depth of Field by @coepiteamare (myg)

One Step by @cutechim (ksj)

No One by @dfdph (jjk)

Electric Love by @sunshinekims (kth)

All This Stigma by @army-author (kth)

I’d also like to self-rec two of my own works, The Library of Our Love (knj) and Scintilla (jhs) (my blog username is @triviafics )

Thank you for compiling all these recs every week!!

♡ thanks for the recs for our weekly theme !! the fics are now in the reblog queue. stay tuned for the compiled masterlist of fic recs at the end of the week!

- ficscafe admins.

Daffodil 

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Word count 21k

Summary  “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

Disclaimer English is not my first language and I might be a little out of practice.

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first! I made good use of my Grey’s Anatomy knowledge. This is yet to be proof read. To be edited.

Freesia (drabble)

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Part 1

     Mar. - June

     The cup of coffee had run cold in her hands, untouched. She had been staring at it for quite a while now, lost in her chaotic thoughts, trying unsuccessfully to calm down her breathing. She was well aware of the fact that her hands had never sweat that much in her life and that her lower lip was a another bite away from bleeding. 

     Y/N had never been this anxious before, not even the day she waited for the acceptance notice from her Med School of choice. Maybe that was it. Choice. She didn’t have any this time. Her future was in the hands of an algorithm. 

     She had spent last night tossing around in her bed, thinking. The fact that she couldn’t control in any way the results of the Match drove her crazy. Yes, she did submit a rank list and yes, she did aced both her Medical Licensing Examinations and yes, she was top of the class of one of the best Medical programs of the country. But this time she was not sure that was going to be enough. 

     Residency programs were highly competitive, especially those of general surgery. The best teaching hospitals only took a bunch of interns every year and obviously everyone wanted to get in their first choice. Unfortunately, that wasn’t always the case. Once the algorithm had decided your destination, that was it, there was no changing it. You could either accept it or take a year off and try again.  

     The uncertainty scared Y/N to no end. Since she was a teenager she had had her future planned perfectly. It was a detailed seven-steps-plan that she swore with her life to follow rigorously. First, graduate high school with the highest GPA and do some volunteering in the big public clinic in her neighborhood. Second, get into the best college and get a Major in Biology. Third, ace the Medical College Admission Test. Four, get into the best Med School of the country. Five, attend Med School and pass all the Boards top of the class. Six, get into the best general surgery residency program and complete it. Seven, finish fellowship in Cardio-thoracics. 

     Steps one to five weren’t too difficult to achieve. Y/N wasn’t presumptuous - not too much anyways -, but she was one to work hard to reach her goals, whatever they may be. Always independent and maybe a little bit too proud, Y/N was confident in saying that she got where she were all by herself. She liked having control over her life, so this time, for step number six of her plan, it was only normal that she was a bit more anxious than usual.

     She dreaded the Match Day. What if she wasn’t accepted into her first choice? If she wanted to become a great heart surgeon she needed to get into the best surgery program. Of course, she knew that getting into any program was something to be happy about - but who was she kidding, the best was the best for a reason. And she wanted it. 

     She had been working hard since she was fourteen. Fast forward 12 years and she was now 26 years old, two steps away from finally achieving her dream. 

     This was it.

     It was customary to attend a big party during Match Day, one where all the aspiring residents would open their envelopes all together to share their destiny, good or bad. It wasn’t Y/N’s type of thing. She invited only the closest to her, all now sitting in her small living room. Her brother Seokjin had taken a few days off from work and had flew miles to be with her on this special day. He wished, just as much as Y/N did, that she would be assigned to the teaching hospital of her choice, not only because it had the best surgery program but also because it was the very same hospital he was working in as a nurse. He couldn’t wait to finally have her little sister back home and to call her his colleague. 

     Sitting next to Seokjin was Namjoon, her forever best friend. Even if the two of them parted ways after college - the man choosing to stay in order to earn a Master in Diplomacy and International Relations - they continuously stayed in contact through the years, as if they lived only a few minutes apart. It was clear that their bond was unbreakable. Any excuse was good enough to go and visit his best friend and today wasn’t an exception. Just like Seokjin, Namjoon gladly took a few days off from his job as a Foreign Affairs Specialist on the making and brought with him his longtime girlfriend Ashley.

      Over the years the two girls had built a strong bond, to the point that they called each other the best of friends. Of course, Namjoon loved the fact that the two most important women in his life were so close. Ashley was the best girl friend Y/N ever had - she always preferred hanging out with men. Girls were typically over competitive about even the smallest and shallowest of things, a trait that Y/N didn’t appreciate because - well, she already was the most competitive person she knew, and she was more than enough. Ashley, on the other hand, was anything but. She somehow lived in her own world made of flowers and trees, bringing the carelessness that sometimes Y/N unfortunately lacked of. 

     Beside her was Y/N’s boyfriend of two years, Hoseok. The two of them had known each other since college, him being a waiter in Y/N’s favorite coffee shop, but weren’t actually that close. After graduation, just as simple acquaintances do, they parted ways and never talked to each other again. Until two years later, after accepting a job offer as a choreographer for a big dancing school, Hoseok moved in the apartment next to Y/N’s. The transition was easy after that: a couple of drinks reminiscing about the past and a couple of dates talking about the future. 

     Y/N found in Hoseok the perfect boyfriend, so perfect, in fact, that sometimes she found herself thinking that he was especially crafted for her. He was just as ambitious and hard working as her, so they often found themselves encouraging each other. He knew how to lift the over bearing pressure over her shoulders and she was the inspiration in his everyday life. As a couple, they had a lot of fun, sometimes by going to crafty original dates and sometimes just by dancing around in their now shared living room.

     When the time to send the applications for the Resident Matching Program came, Y/N found herself surprisingly hesitant because winning an internship meant that she would likely had to move across the country. She didn’t doubt for a second that following her dreams was the right thing to do, it was still her first priority, but she knew that it was a choice that would bring a strain to their perfect relationship. Yet Hoseok once again didn’t disappoint her. 

     The evening that they sat on the couch together to talk about it, the man stayed silent for a moment before releasing a long breath. He hugged her close and reassured her, saying that they both knew that this moment was going to come, that he would never ask her to stay for something as trivial as distance and that she had worked too hard to get where she was to second guess. Even if it was going to be difficult he was going to support her no matter what, even if it meant that he had to quit his job and move across the country with her. A part of Y/N knew it was egoistical of her to find comfort in his words, but nevertheless felt reassured that they were on the same page as always. 

     So the plan was this: Y/N would move wherever she had to, in time for the beginning of her training in July, and Hoseok would follow her in June, once the project he was working on was completed. They knew they could bear a few months apart and jokingly took it as a chance to test their love.

     Hoseok knew very well how important this moment was for Y/N. Since they were in college she was famous for being the perfect student, the valedictorian of their year. He knew how hard she worked for this very day and he also knew how scared she was of not being matched to her dream surgery program. He knew that she wasn’t able to sleep last night, he felt her tossing around beside him, lost in her thoughts. He didn’t try to comfort her though because he knew it wasn’t what she needed and that it would only worsen her anxiety. 

     The signs of her distress was clear all over her body, everyone from the couch could see them. She was still staring at her coffee cup, biting away over her lip. She was pale and even the make up she had put on for the occasion couldn’t hide the dark circles under her eyes. The computer was all set up in front of her on the coffee table, her inbox page ready to be refreshed for the special email. 

     “Am I the only one who doesn’t understand why she’s so anxious?”, Seokjin murmured in Namjoon’s ear. “She’s literally the smartest person on this planet.”

     “I know, right?”, the other boy murmured back. “As if she ever failed anything in her life.”

     “Yeah. Do you know how annoying that is? I’m stuck with being the handsome and funny one in the family.” Y/N’s brother sighed dramatically making the others laugh.

     “Now that I’m thinking about it, I actually did never saw her fail in anything. Not once.”, Namjoon huffed. “You’re right, she’s gonna get what she wants this time as well.”

     “No doubt.”, Ashley nodded.

     “Come on, guys.”, Hoseok said under his breath, trying to hide a smile. “She’s human too.”

     “Are you sure?”, the three of them responded all together, louder than they meant to. 

     Y/N jumped from her place on the armchair, startled by the sound. “What?”, she asked looking up.

     “Nothing, sis. We were just talking about how unnecessarily anxious you are.”

     “Jin!”

     “Come on, Ash. You were with us just a second ago. She’s gonna get in and we all know it.”

     Y/N gasped. “Oh my god! I swear if you just jinxed it I’m going to kill you.”

     “As if.”

     Y/N sighed and run her hands through her hair. “I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Seriously.”

     Hoseok walked up to stand beside her and put an arm around her shoulders reassuringly. “Babe, what we’re saying is that you’re so brilliant that it is statistically impossible for you to not be matched to your first choice. You have nothing to worry about.”

     “You guys are really jinxing it.” she cried leaning against her boyfriend. The man hugged her closer.

     “Listen, Y/N.” Seokjin sighed as theatrical as always. “No one was surprised when you got a scholarship for three of the best colleges of the country. No one was surprised when you entered Med School either. And no one is going to be surprised this time as well. I’m telling you ... if you don’t get that internship at that goddamn hospital I am going to pierce my tongue!”

     The woman giggled, successfully distracted. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

     “That you do.”

     “Anyways, guys.” Ashley exclaimed. “It’s almost time!”

     Y/N looked down at her wrist watch: 11.58 a.m. Ashley was right, two more minutes and her future was going to begin. She actually said that same phrase at least three other times in her life and also meant it , but this one was different. Her residency would define the surgeon she was going to be and to be the best surgeon, she needed to match with the best program. 

     She felt her heartbeat fasten once again and before she knew it she started clicking on the refresh button aggressively. 

     11.59. Nothing yet. 

     She was really going to have a heart attack at 26. Which, now that she thought about it, was very ironic since she wanted to become a Cardio-thoracic surgeon.

     12.00. One last refresh. The others leant forward, ready to capture every change in her expression. Ready to celebrate.

     There was it, punctual as predicted. With a trembling finger Y/N clicked on the link, holding her breath. 

     Hoseok was the first one to react. He smiled widely just a few seconds after the page opened. It wasn’t easy to miss it, really: it was written in bold black letters. Y/N, on the other hand, had to read the sentence at least ten times before believing it.

     “Oh my god.”, she gasped.

     “Come on, guys. On my three let’s all act surprised!”

     “Remember to call me when you get there.” Hoseok said, squeezing his girlfriend in his arms. This was more difficult that the both of them thought it would be. 

     They were standing a few meters away from the airport security gates, saying their goodbyes before Y/N’s flight. Three weeks had passed since Y/N discovered she was accepted to her dream job. She was ecstatic, of course. Everything she ever wanted was coming true. Plus, after four years away she finally got to go back home, even if it meant living with her annoying brother again. She couldn’t wait to practice real medicine on real patients with real pathologies. She could finally start calling herself a doctor. Doctor Y/L/N. She loved the sound of that.

     Of course, the downside of it all was that she had to leave Hoseok behind. Even if it was only for a couple of months. Knowing that this moment was bound to arrive didn’t make it any easier.

     “I’m going to miss you so much.” she murmured in his chest, inhaling deeply. She was going to miss his smell, so particular - it was what she thought the sun would smell like, mixed with a little bit of vanilla. She was going to miss how his hugs would engulf her and make her feel safe, or the way he laughed, his boisterous laugh. Jung Hoseok was the only one who could make her stop from continuously running. He brought peace in her overworking mind.

     “I’m going to miss you too.” he sighed kissing her forehead. “But we are going to get through this. I’m going to call you every hour ‘til you get tired of me.”

     Y/N smiled. “If you do call me every hour I will get tired of you.”, she looked up to his eyes, her chin resting on his chest. “A call every five hours should do it.”

     “Every five hours? That sounds outrageous.”

     “Doctors are very busy, don’t you know that?”

     Hoseok smiled sweetly down at her. “Doctor.”, he repeated proudly. “My girlfriend is a doctor. How cool is that?”

     “Super cool.” Y/N giggled.

     The man sighed one more time, turning serious once again. He leaned to give her a slow but deep kiss, trying to convey all his emotions. “I love you.”, he was usually the shiest of the pair in voicing his emotions, but this time there was no holding back.

     Y/N felt a single tear running down her cheek. “I love you too.”

     “Don’t you feel like we’re two overdramatic teenagers?”

     The woman giggled giving him a cheesy peck on the lips. “Who cares.”

     Moving back with her brother was just as annoying as she predicted it was going to be. She loved him to bits, really, but after four years she forgot how exasperating Seokjin could be. 

     He still lived in the same apartment as years ago, the one near her college, but he had completely taken over it, as it was expected. It became the definition of a man cave, complete with unironed sheets and expired milk bottles. His excuse was the lack of time and energy caused by his agonizing long shifts at the hospital, to which Y/N often responded that it was only an excuse and what he really needed was a partner in his life. The bright side was that he was still the great cook she remembered he was.

     With the move Y/N rediscovered her old habits. For starters she began going on frequent jogs again, something she had stopped doing because it turned out that Med School was much more demanding and draining than college. The neighborhood park was as beautiful as she remembered, especially with the spring colors. And it was during one of those morning runs that she bumped into her old Physiology teacher, Professor Lee, the one she used to TA for. She was extremely fond of him. He was the most feared teacher of their major, the most strict and hated of them all. But he was actually quite pleasant with Y/N, he was the one who wrote the greatest recommendation letter she could hope for, the one that most probably got her into Med School. They caught up on their lives over a cup of americano in her favorite coffee shop, the very one near the big fountain in their college square. 

     That was a nice trip to memory lane too. For instance, that was the place where she met Hoseok for the very first time. But aside from him, the place did hold a lot of memories. Most of them very happy too. And most of them involved a group of loud boys.

     For the first time since forever she found herself thinking about them, wondering how they were doing. They shared a lot of time together during senior year, they were practically inseparable. It was unfortunate that they parted ways in such an unfriendly manner. 

     Discovering that her boyfriend of the time, the one she thought had cheated on her, the one she hated like no one else, was actually a good man ... well, it didn’t do any good to her conscience. She thought about reaching out to him, to clear things up and give their relationship the conclusion it deserved. But too much time had passed and she didn’t find it in her to open old wounds. For all she knew he moved on with his life. The truth was, she was just too proud.

     It burdened her for quite some time, until it didn’t anymore. 

     She smiled thinking about it now, because what felt like the biggest heartbreak of her life was actually just a few months fling. Insignificant compared to what she had with Hoseok. 

     “I found this great apartment ten minutes from the hospital.” she was just telling him over the phone. “It’s a little bit small but it has all we need. It’s freshly renovated and the shower is quite big.”

     “We do love a big shower.”

     “We do.”, Y/N nodded stealing a potato chip from her brother who was scrolling through the Netflix page for their movie night. “I also did some research and there’s this dance school just a couple blocks away. It’s nothing like the one you are working in now but it looked nice.”

     “Nice is good, I suppose.”, Hoseok giggled. “I can work with nice.”

     “If they hire you you can make them great. No, Jin. Not The Hangover again. Let’s watch something serious for once.” 

     “Serious is annoying. And we already have you for that.” Seokjin responded pointedly.

     “Shut up. Hobi, I’m telling you, I can’t wait for you to get here so I can finally get rid of my obnoxious brother.” 

     Since her training wasn’t going to start ‘til July, Y/N had a lot of time in her hands. Months of it. It was nice the very first weeks but it soon got boring. She settled all there was to be settled and now she didn’t know what to do with herself. She was beginning to feel restless, she wasn’t used to having so much free time. She started second guessing her decision to move so many months prior the beginning of the program. Other than apartment hunting and settling those couple of other boring things, she discovered that there really was no need to leave this early. She could be with her boyfriend now.

     Hoseok, on the other hand, was busier than ever. His crew was hired to dance in a music video of a pop singer, which was supposedly a big thing, something that would open him - the main dancer and the choreographer - a lot of doors in the industry. So over the past month all he ever did was work in the dance studio, to the point that he almost lived there and he was so busy and tired that their daily calls got shorter and shorter. Not that Y/N blamed him, she was happy for this opportunity. If anything it lifted a heavy burden from her shoulders. The truth was she felt guilty for putting her dreams before his, for forcing him to leave everything to follow her. He never blamed her for it, of course. He never showed an ounce of hesitation.

    To keep herself occupied, Y/N decided to bring her new sketchbook and pencils to her new favorite coffee shop down the street. She discovered it during one of her runs and fell in love with it. It was small but cozy, with wooden furniture, lots of plants and delicious chocolate muffins.

    Drawing was one of those hobbies she had lost during Med School and rediscovered during this period of vacation. Since she lost practice, she wasn’t as good as she was before and wasn’t as satisfied with her portraits as she used to, crumpling and wasting more paper than she cared to admit.

     Today’s subject was a little boy, peacefully doing his homework with his legs dangling under the table, his mother next to him reading a heavy looking book while sipping a cup of something smoking hot. He was just too cute to ignore. She was just sketching his left eye when she suddenly heard a male voice calling her name.

    “Y/N? Is that you?”

    She looked up at the sound. It took her a second to recognize the man standing next to her. He had changed over the years, looking more mature. He was wearing glasses now, a pair that made him look alluring, a vibe enhanced by his attire: black turtleneck, black trousers and black chelsea boots.

    “Yoongi?” Y/N exclaimed standing up. She gave him a quick instinctive hug, her body moving on its own accord. The man didn’t seem to mind, embracing her back with the same amount of affection. She couldn’t help but being surprised of seeing him. What were the chances of meeting someone you haven’t talked to for years in such a big city?

    “How are you?” the man sincerely smiled down to her. He too looked genuinely happy to see her. “It’s been ages since we last saw each other.”

    “My graduation.” she nodded sitting back down. “I’m fine, great actually. How about you? Hey,” she added shyly, not waiting for an answer. “Why don’t you seat with me. We could catch up.”

    “Actually,” Yoongi responded tentatively. “I’m meeting with the guys. Do you mind if they join us? I bet they would be happy to see you.”

    “By the guys, you mean the guys? You’re still in touch with each other?”

    Yoongi smirked sitting down on the chair in front of her and ordering an ice americano to a passing by waiter. “Of course we are. We’re brothers, you know?”

    Y/N smiled fondly in response. “Right.” They really were brothers. Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook were inseparable even back then. For a period of time Y/N was part of that family too. She felt nostalgic all of a sudden. “How are they? How are they doing?”

    “They’re doing great. Jimin and Taehyung work for the same magazine and are still as annoying as ever.” he smirked. “I’m still working in that research laboratory from years ago, remember? The one that hired me straight out of college.”

    “What about Jungkook?” Y/N asked. “Did he get into Med School?”

    “He did, actually. He’s going to start his residency this summer.” he answered. “How about you? Are you still focused on becoming the greatest heart surgeon of the country?”

    “You remember that?” Y/N giggled, recognizing her old catch phrase. “Of course I am. I’m starting my residency this summer too.”

    “Really? In the city? In what hospital? You and Jungkook might go to the same one.”

    Before she could answer his question, Y/N heard her name being called once again, this time by two loud men. Jimin and Taehyung walked up to them with complete surprise printed on their faces. The last thing they expected to see that morning was their long-time friend sitting next to such a familiar face.

    Just like Yoongi, the two boys had changed quite a lot over four years. If possible, they became even more handsome. Taehyung had longer hair now, dark wavy locks falling over his eyes, giving him some kind of gloomy and mysterious vibe. He seemed broader too, his shoulders wider than she remembered. His fashion style had changed too, going from college heartthrob to company executive. Jimin had gone blonde, a color that suited him very well, in a manner that made him look ethereal like a prince. He looked like he walked straight from a fashion shoot, wearing luxurious looking shoes and sunglasses and standing there with all of his confident aura.

    Y/N didn’t need to look around to know that their presence had captured the attention of everyone inside the shop and she found herself smiling.

    Just like the old days.

    “Jimin, Taehyung.” she saluted them with a hug as well. She wasn’t sure if it was to be considered awkward greeting someone she hadn’t seen for years like that, but she did it nonetheless. “Long time no see.”

    “No kidding!” the blonde said, grabbing a chair from the next table to join them. Taehyung followed him suit. “Are you back in town?”

    Y/N nodded. “I was just saying to Yoongi that I’m going to take my residency here.”

    “In that big ass hospital a few minutes from here?” Jimin asked.

    “Yeah, that.”

    “Jungkook also got accepted there.” Taehyung said before furrowing his brows. “That might be awkward.” He added before he could stop himself.

    Y/N shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t think so. It’s all water under the bridge. I mean, it was a long time ago.” she answered sincerely. All her feelings for him had vanished years ago. Truth be told, their memories together had become blurry too, a little bit romanticized even. Those few times she inevitably found herself thinking about him over the past few weeks was with fondness and a little bit of regret, but nothing more.

    Yoongi sighed. “About that.” he exchanged a furtive look with the others. “We never had the chance to clear things out. I’m not sure this is the right time or place since we just met each other again, but the thing is -”

    The woman put a hand up interrupting him. “There’s no need, Yoongi. Sarah explained everything to me a couple of months after graduation.”

    The boys stared at her with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

    “Sarah? That Sarah?” Taehyung clarified.

    Y/N nodded. “That Sarah. She sent me a message after she learned about me and Jungkook.” She remembered how unexpected it had been, much like a bolt from the blue. Just when all thoughts of him had finally disappeared, after weeks of anger and pain, everything she believed he did turned out to be a total misunderstanding. It gave her quite a whiplash.

    “Then, if you knew what really happened, why didn’t you contact us?” Jimin asked with a pout, half teasing and half serious. “We tried reaching out to you a lot of times but ...”

    “Don’t try making her feel guilty, Jimin.” Yoongi rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

    “No, he’s right.” the girl sighed playing with the teaspoon of her hot chocolate. After leaving their frat house that morning, the three boys had tried speaking to her for weeks, calling her, waiting for her after her classes and even coming to her apartment. But she never gave them a chance, too hurt to be able to separate her feelings towards Jungkook from those for the three of them. “I should have called you.” she admitted. “It’s just that ... I don’t know. I thought it was futile, too much time had passed. We all moved on with our lives by then.”

    The guys exchanged a quick knowing look, a little sad.

    “I am sorry.” she said finally, looking up. “I guess it was immature of me.”

     “We get it.”, Yoongi reassured her with a smile. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you.”

     “Anyways,”, Taehyung clapped. “What’s done is done, we can all be friends again now.”

     So they spent the next hour talking and laughing, catching up about their lives and awakening their old friendship while waiting for Jungkook, who was running late. It was simple to fall at ease with each other and Y/N was grateful too see that there was no awkwardness between them. More than what happened with Jungkook, she regretted cutting ties with them the most. Maybe it was strange, they barely spent together half a year, but she really was fond of them. What she loved the most about them was how easily they could make her laugh. She never admitted it out loud, but with all the stress that came with senior year their company became her only escape from reality.

     “So tell us, Y/N.”, Jimin said with a teasing tone. “How’s your love life going?”

     She shook her head amused. “Still a gossiper I see.”

     “Come on, its been four years since you broke up with Jungkook. You said it yourself, all water under the bridge. No hard feelings here. I wanna know the juicy stuff.”

     Y/N laughed. “Fine. I’ve been in a relationship for two years. You might remember him actually. Hoseok? From college?”

     “Hoseok?”, Taehyung repeated. “The waiter from our coffee shop?”

     Y/N nodded.

     “Wow.”, Jimin exhaled. “Isn’t he the one who spilled the beans about Jungkook and Sarah?”

     “Jimin.”, Yoongi admonished him once again.

     “What? It’s a fact! It’s not like I’m accusing him or anything.”, the other snorted. “I liked the guy.”

     “Is it weird?”, Y/N asked sincerely curious. “Not that it matters, but do you think Jungkook will find it weird?”

     “Found what weird?”, asked a voice making Y/N jump on her seat for the third time that morning. “Y/N.”, he breathed. “I thought it was you.”

     If the other guys changed, Jungkook went through a complete evolution. He was already something before, but this ... this was another thing altogether. Just like Taehyung, he had grown his hair longer and got a lot more muscular, he also got both of his ears pierced, more than a couple of silver rings adorning them. He had a black leather jacket over a black shirt, a couple of buttons undone showing maybe a little bit too much of his chest. His jaw was as sharp as ever and his eyes shone with a mischievous light. 

     She would never admit it but her heart did skip a bit.

     “Jungkook.”

     Meeting Jungkook again went more bizarrely than what she expected. She had to admit that she did thought about it more than once, years ago, fantasized even. She thought about what she would say to him, what he would say to her. She imagined them getting back together, or parting ways once again. She thought about saying sorry to him for not giving him the benefit of the doubt. And then she stopped thinking about it altogether.

     But seeing him again that day ... well, it was weird. The fact that he looked completely different from what she remembered was stupidly surprising. Whenever he popped into her mind she imagined the old Jungkook, frozen in time, not this. Back in college he already was handsome and charismatic, the very good looking and talented quarterback that everybody loved and admired. But this was a whole other level of ridiculous. And Y/N was only human, she didn’t even had the time to control her thoughts before it was too late.

     He was sexy as hell.

     So she felt somehow uneasy, despite what she had said just minutes ago about things being in the past. Plus, to make the situation even weirder, the fact that they ended things the way that they did made the both of them act like two awkward teenagers.

     “Hi.”

     “Hi.”

     “How are you?”

     “I’m fine, thank you. How about you?”

     “I’m fine, too.”

     “That’s good.”

     “Yeah.”

     The other boys watched the scene with amusement. It was only predictable that two exes meeting again after a long time would act that way. None of them expected hugs and kisses, of course. 

     “Sorry I’m late, guys.”, Jungkook finally said, looking away from Y/N and sitting on the empty chair they saved for him. They were getting a little too crowded around the table which was originally meant for two people, but none of them made a move.

     “No problem.”, responded Jimin. “Y/N here was keeping us great company. Where were you anyways?”

     “Uhm.”, Jungkook mumbled scratching his neck, clearly embarrassed. “Lisa’s car broke down so I had to pick her up.”

     Y/N felt uneasy, the sole reason being that he looked in discomfort as well. She could only imagine that Lisa was his girlfriend.

     “Is she okay?”, Taehyung asked.

     “Yeah, she was just running late for work so she asked me to accompany her.”

     There was a moment of silence where Taehyung, Jimin and Yoongi watched as the other two avoided looking at each other.

     Y/N had no memory of Jungkook being timid, if anything he was one of the most confident person she knew. Now that she thought about it, they often bickered over their respective cockiness. She sighed, gathering some courage to speak. 

     This is ridiculous. We broke up ages ago.

     “The guys told me that you’re starting your residency this summer.”, she said at the end. Someone had to act maturely.

     “Oh yeah. This July.”, he answered, looking happy that she had taken the first step. “How about you? Are you back in town?”

     “Yeah. We’re going to be colleagues, actually.”, she said tentatively watching his reaction.

     He smiled lightly at her, unsurprised. “I was sure we would be.”, he admitted catching Y/N and the others by surprise.

     “You were?”, she exclaimed.

     “You always aimed for the best.”, he smirked knowingly, finally resembling the smug boy she remembered.

     Y/N was brought back to four years ago, when they used to study together between their busy schedules aiming for the same goal, when they used to spur each other in the moments of doubt. She finally remembered. 

     He was proud, he didn’t like asking for her help unless it was strictly necessary, and those times he caved he would later reprimand himself for not being able to understand the concept on his own, always thanking her with a kiss because he wasn’t competing against her but with himself. There were times when she was so tired that she would get pessimistic and cynical, it was a trait of her personality that only few people knew because she didn’t like being seen weak. Jungkook was always there when those moments came, he could tell just by the way she would start scribbling angry lines on the side of her notes. He didn’t try talking her out of it saying things like ‘you have no reason to worry’ or ‘you can do it”, because he knew that they were meaningless words. What he did was make her hot chocolate with a lot of cream and a lot of marshmallows, he would sit on the couch and cradle her like a baby, humming the first song that came to mind. Y/N loved it, it made her feel all warm inside. Jungkook knew all of her struggles, he knew how hard she worked for what she wanted and how more often than not she was close to giving up. And he had been there for her.

     Y/N smiled back. “That I still do.”

     And just like that the ice was broken.

     It came naturally. That day at the coffee shop was only the beginning of their renewed friendship. A couple of days after that they went for drinks, joined by Namjoon and Ashley, restoring the old group. It was like senior year all over again, but at the same time it was nothing like it. All of them had changed over the years, some more than others. Jungkook, for example, had become quieter, more tranquil. He still made silly jokes and smart remarks, sure, but not as much as Y/N remembered. She guessed it was only right, she had probably changed too. 

     After the initial embarrassment, the two connected easily and Y/N discovered that she quite liked the idea of them being friends again. She had to admit that just for a second she wondered if it was wrong of her to hang out with him again, giving that he was her ex boyfriend and she was now with someone else. But she convinced herself rather easily that she wasn’t doing anything bad, after all ignoring him would have meant that there were still some kind of feelings lingering between them and that was not the case. She talked to Hoseok about it nonetheless, not because she wanted his permission but out of respect. He did seemed a bit jealous about it but was mature enough to know that it was not right of him to stop her.  

     Besides, Jungkook was with someone as well. She learned about Lisa, his girlfriend of over a year who he had met while jogging at the park - Y/N teased him about it, since that their relationship had started in the same way. And when they discovered that both Lisa and Hoseok were professional dancers, they both had a field day. Y/N also learned that he didn’t want to become a pediatric surgeon anymore, but changed his goal to trauma surgery, surprising her quite a lot. Jungkook then told her how he had received an offer to play in the NFL just a couple of days after they broke up but ended up turning it down, living Y/N with an uneasy feeling. It gave them an excuse to finally talk about what happened between them.

     “Was it my fault?” she asked seriously, looking down at her drink.

     “Of course not.” he reassured her. “It was never my dream.”

     “I know.” she replied looking back up at him. They were leaning against the wall, getting some fresh air while the others where inside the bar doing drinking games in honor of their reunion. “Still, it was a big opportunity.”

     “Huge.” Jungkook corrected her with a smile. “I could have been worth millions now.”

     “And living in an expensive loft, driving expensive cars.” she joked back.

     “Instead I’m sharing a small apartment with Yoongi hyung and driving a second hand wreck.”

     Y/N giggled at the dichotomy. The road to become doctors wasn’t an easy one for sure. “Have you ever regretted it?”

     “More than I care to admit.” he sighed. “If I have to tell the truth I almost said yes.” he paused to look at her from the corner of his eyes. “Because of Sarah.”

     “Oh. Of course.” He taught he needed to be able to take care of his child and its mother within a very short time, playing as a professional quarterback would have been the most obvious choice. “Why didn’t you?”

     “Because I knew deep down that it wouldn’t make me happy.” he answered looking up to the night sky. “Because just like you, I wanted to realize my dreams, even if it meant that I had to work two jobs. Which I ended up doing, by the way.”

     “Even after ... you know, you discovered that the baby wasn’t yours?”

     “Yeah.” Jungkook sighed once again. “My parents didn’t take it well - both the fact that I got a random girl pregnant and that I refused such a once in a lifetime opportunity. I don’t know if you remember, but our relationship was already strained and it pretty much broke after that.”

     “I’m sorry.” Y/N murmured sadly. She could only imagine what a difficult time he could have had. 

     “It’s not your fault.” he reassured her.

     “Maybe not, but I played a part in it all.” she said drinking in a single sip what was left of her drink. “I really am sorry. For everything.”, she took a deep breath before speaking again. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I should have asked you for an explanation. And after I discovered the truth I should have called you to clear things up. I was immature.” she admitted.

     Jungkook shook his head. “I don’t blame you, after all I did cheat on you, even if I don’t remember it. I would have reacted the same. Besides, I should have fought for you, instead of letting you walk away just like that. Despite Sarah’s pregnancy, I should have fought for you.”

     They shared a sad smile, recognizing their faults. A lot of things could have gone differently if they’ve put aside their pride. But it was too late now, a lot of things had changed.

     “Maybe ...” Y/N spoke after a moment of heavy silence. “Maybe we really didn’t want to solve things. Maybe we didn’t want it enough. If we did we both would have fought harder, don’t you think?”

     “I guess so.”, he answered looking up at the sky again.

     “Maybe it was supposed to go as it did,”, she added. “So that we could be with those who we love today.”

     Jungkook bit the inside of his cheek, uneasy. “Maybe.”

     Y/N and Hoseok were talking on the phone just like every evening. The first weeks apart had been difficult for both of them since they were used to be together almost  24/7. A year into their relationship Y/N had given up her apartment to move into Hoseok’s, which was only a natural choice since he literally lived next door. Living together as a couple worked perfectly fine for both of them. Hoseok was a very tidy person who loved to keep the house in order, unfortunately he was a disaster in the kitchen so Y/N had finally found an excuse to put to practice all she had learnt from her home cook brother. Their timetables were mostly the same, Hoseok working at the dancing studio till dawn and Y/N attending Med School classes five times a week. On Saturdays and Sundays they would often go on dates, they especially liked going on last minute trips and visit nearbye cities, and sometimes they liked being a little more adventurous by trying adrenalic activities such as bungee jumping and hang gliding. Yet there were also times when they were both too tired and they would end up spending the weekend in their pajamas watching reruns of their favorite series.

     Hoseok was the typical man the girls dreamed of. Not only he was good looking, but he was also passionate and smart. He was kind and very considerate. He knew how to listen and he knew how to laugh. He rarely got mad but he stayed true to his values and ideals and when he knew that something was morally wrong he didn’t hesitate to speak out about it. Hoseok was sweet and very loving, he never stopped courting Y/N, always the hopeless romantic. She was lucky because she never wanted for anything with him. 

     “I’ve been drawing a lot lately.” she told him while taking a bite from her pepperoni pizza. Dinner time was usually when their calls would take place and to have some privacy from Seokjin Y/N had gotten used to eating on her bed. “Today I went to the coffee shop I told you about and drew this old woman who was talking loudly on the phone with her speakers on full volume. One of the waiters had to ask her three times to lower her voice before she finally heard him.” Y/N giggled remembering the scene. “It was quite entertaining.”

     Hoseok smiled over the phone. “You used to do that a lot in college.”

     “What?”

     “You spent a lot of time drawing in my workplace, remember?” he explained. ‘Why did you stop?”

     “I don’t know.” she shrugged, reaching a hand to her nightstand to grab her sketchbook.  “I guess I lost the inspiration.” She ansered going through the dozen of portrait she had done over the past few weeks. She was getting better, her drawings getting more and more realistic.

     “I’m happy you found it again.”

     Y/N smiled. “Me too.”

     “Have you signed the contract for the apartment?” Hoseok changed the subject, his voice muffled because he was eating as well.

     “This morning. You’re going to love it. The windows overlook the park and the living room is so spacious that you can do tumbles in it.” she told him enthusiastically. “I’d move tomorrow if i could.”

     “When is the tenant leaving again?”

     “First week of July.” Y/N huffed annoyed. “Just in time before I start work.”

     “I can’t wait to get there next month.” he confessed. “I miss you so much.”

     She sighed falling back on the mattress. “Me too. Can you believe its been a month since we last saw each other?”

     “Yeah. I’ve felt every single day of it.”

     “Tell me about it.” Y/N looked up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling her chest constraint. “Can we talk about something else?”

     “Are you going to cry?” he teased her.

     “I might.” she grunted. “And you know I hate crying.”

     “I know.” he said, Y/N could hear the smile on his voice. “What do you want to talk about?”

     “I don’t know. Something exciting happened to you this days?” she asked sitting up again to grab another slice of pizza.

     “Not much really. I feel like all I’ve been doing is work, work, work and work.” Hoseok groaned. “You’re the one who’s having all the fun.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “Aren’t you hanging out with the guys a lot these days?”

     Y/N giggled. “Oh. Yeah. It’s actually been very nice seeing them again.” she admitted. “They’re so much fun to be with.”

     “I remember. You guys used to be the talk of the school back then.” Hoseok recalled amused. “You were like the Avengers.”

     “What are you talking about?” she laughed at the analogy.

     “Think about it.” he chuckled as well. “The valedictorian, the quarterback, the cold one, the heartthrob, the party guy, the philosopher and the botanist. Am I missing someone?”

     Y/N cackled. “I don’t think so.”

     “You guys were the most incoherent crew on campus. You were like a social experiment.”

     “I guess we were, weren’t we?” she joked back. They really were a variegated group of people. “Why is it that you never joined us? We used to hang a lot at the coffee shop and its not like we weren’t friends.” she pondered.

     “We were amicable.” he corrected her. “You guys were like exclusive.”

     “No we weren’t.” she snorted almost offended. “We were very friendly.”

     “You were, but you gave off this type of vibe ... you used to walk around campus like you were untouchable.” he recalled.

     Y/N furrowed her browse pensively. “We did?”

     “Yeah. It wasn’t until Jungkook started working at the coffee shop that I started seeing you guys from another perspective. Before that you were pretty much Hollywood superstars.”

     “You make us sound so obnoxious.” she said in a pout.

     “You weren’t.” he reassured her smiling. “You were just on another level of the social pyramid.”

     “I’m not sure I like that image.” Y/N confessed. “I never cared for such things and neither the others for what I remember. Taehyung, for example, was friends with everyone during college.”

     “Taehyung was friendly to everyone during college, there’s a difference.” he corrected her once again. “Listen, I didn’t want to offend you, everyone had their crew back in college. If anything I’m saying that we common people admired you a lot.”

     “No, I get it.” she pouted again. “It’s just the first time I’m hearing about it. I guess we did have a special connection between us. We still do actually. You’ll see when you get here. I’ll give you a special pass to enter our exclusive club.” she joked.

     “I’d like that.” he smiled.

     “Besides you have an advantage, you were already friends with Jungkook back then. You guys can hang out together again.”

     There was a pause on the other side of the phone call. “Yeah. I guess I’d like that too.”

     “So you guys are hanging out again?”, Seokjin asked his sister over breakfast dinner. Y/N had just told him about how they were all planning on having a Mexican dinner in Yoongi and Jungkook’s shared apartment the day after tomorrow, and how she wanted to try and bake a Mexican hot chocolate pie to prove them that her skills in the kitchen had improved over the years. Seokjin was aware of the fact that Y/N had met her old friends - and her ex - a couple of times, but it kind of surprised him discovering that they were planning themed dinner dates. “Does Hoseok know about it?” 

     Y/N couldn’t help but roll her eyes, playing with her potatoes with the fork. “Of course, he does. Why wouldn’t he?” she asked defensively.

     Seokjin shrugged. “Just asking. Jungkook is there too, right?”

     “Right.” she sighed annoyingly. “So?”

     “So, all I’m saying is that he has every right to be jealous. He’s your ex boyfriend after all.”

     “Well, he is not. Besides, he has no reason to be.”

     Seokjin arched an eyebrow, doubtful. “Really?”

     “Really.” she insisted. “It’s not like I’m going to cheat on him or anything. He knows that.”

     “I didn’t say that.” Seokjin huffed. 

     “You thought about it.” Y/N accused him with her fork. “We’re friends, that’s all.”

     “Exes can hardly be friends.”

     Y/N narrowed her eyes. “You are so limited. Of course they can. Besides,” she said with her mouth full of potatoes. “It wasn’t that big of a love story. We were together for like ... what? Three months? Four? It was more like a spring fling or whatever.” she continued dismissively putting her empty plate in the sink.

     Seokjin watched her washing the dishes with a furrowed brow, not entirely convinced. It was true, their relationship was brief, but he clearly remembered how it was and a part of him knew that the two of them could have been great together. It was unfortunate that they didn’t gave their relationship time to evolve. Seokjin liked Hoseok, he treated his sister like a princess, just as she deserved, and was overall a great guy. Still, if he had to chose between him and Jungkook, he would choose the latter. There was no specific reason why, really. It was not like Y/N was better with him than with the other or anything. He just liked Jungkook more, even after all that had happened years ago. Maybe it was the fact that he was good at Call of Duty.

     Seven o’clock was the perfect hour to go for a run, it wasn’t too early and it wasn’t too late, the park wasn’t yet packed but it wasn’t empty either. Y/N had started jogging every other day aiming to build up her stamina in sight of the long shifts that awaited her on July. With her earphones blasting hype music she would run the trails a couple of times before walking to her new favorite coffee shop to cool down and there, just like she used to when she was in college, she would order an ice americano grande with two extra shots and only one chocolate muffin - when she was younger she used to be able to eat three of them in one go.

     “I think I’m having a deja-vu.” said a male voice, too close to her ear making her jump in surprise. She took one earphone off and turned to her left.

     It was Jungkook. 

     It was obvious that he had been running too, his damped with sweat hair  framing his pretty face. He was out of breath, his chest rising up and down while he fanned himself with his white t-shirt.

     “You should stop listening to music at such a high volume.” he chastised her with a lopsided grin.

     “And you should stop coming behind people when they’re clearly distracted.” she replied crossing her arms. “One of this days someone might punch you in the face as a defense mechanism.”

     “Sorry.” he giggled. They started walking again, side by side. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

     “So you still love running, huh?” Y/N observed looking up at him. Now that he was wearing only a short sleeved t-shirt she could clearly see just how much muscular he had gotten over the years. Not that he had a small frame before, but he was on the buff side now, nothing too much, just enough to make her heart skip a bit.

     “I could say the same thing to you.”

     “I actually just started again.” she confessed. “I had to stop during Med School. Too tired, you know? I’m a little bit out of shape, in fact.”

     Jungkook stopped on his tracks, arching his brow teasingly. Y/N followed him suit, confused. “So your saying,” he said with clear mischief in his eyes. “That if I race you to the coffee shop down the street you would actually lose?”

     Y/N opened her mouth in bewilderment. She immediately understood what he was referring too because they used to do this a lot back in college. Always competitive, the two of them would race each other back to their favorite cafe’ and since he was a quarterback back then and she was a former sprinter, the challenge had always been fun.

     She was never going to admit it out loud, but he was probably right: she would surely lose this time. Yet she was proud and she didn’t want to give in too easily.

     She turned her back at him, ready to run. “The loser pays for breakfast.”

     Of course, the loser turned out to be her. Those couple of hundred meters never felt so long. Her lungs were burning, her face was heating up and she could literally feel her legs wobble. 

     “Shit.” she cursed with her hands on her knees. 

     “You ok?” Jungkook grinned, catching his breath as well. “Do I need to reanimate you?”

     “Fuck you.” was all she could say with her throat burning for air.

     The man laughed before straightening up. He put an arm around her shoulders to sustain her and started walking towards the glass doors of the shop. “Come on, breakfast is on me.”

     “Just give me a couple of weeks and we can talk again.” she promised. “I really need to freshen up, I feel like burning.” she then added pushing her hair away from her face.

     “Go on. I’ll take your order.”

     “An ice americano grande with two extra shots and a chocolate muffin.”

     Jungkook stared at her for a moment, something clearly going on through his mind. He smiled sweetly. “You’re still the same.”

     “You remember?” she asked half surprised.

     “Of course I do.” he replied tilting his head to the side. “Don’t you remember mine?”

     Y/N smiled back. “Of course I do.” she mimicked him. “It was the same as mine.”

     They looked at each other with fondness, lost in the old memories.

     “Go freshen up.” he finally said. “I’ll look for a table near the window.”

     “Those are my favorite seats.” she replied.

     “I know.” he grinned walking backwards towards the counter. “As I said, you’re still the same.”

     Once inside the bathroom Y/N had to lean on the door for a second. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel her cheeks burning. It wasn’t because of the exertion of the race but for another reason entirely. A reason she was too afraid to explore.

     “So are you ready to start our residency?” Jungkook asked taking a big bite from his third muffin.

     “God, I can’t wait. I’ve been ready since I was fourteen.” Y/N admitted.

     It had taken her more than a couple of minutes to calm down after their brief exchange. Her brother’s words rang annoyingly through her ears. She didn’t want to dwell on what she had felt and decided that ignoring everything altogether was the easiest thing to do. So she went to the sink and splashed her face with cold water at least ten times, trying to clear her mind. 

     Once she exited the bathroom, her heart rate finally normal and her skin color of a natural pink, she had no difficulty in spotting Jungkook. He had chosen the table next the biggest window and was sipping on his drink while watching those who passed by on the sidewalk.

     He smiled at her when she sat down and pushed towards her two plates of chocolate muffins saying that he knew that she had asked for only one but he thought that she needed the extra energy. 

     “So when did you fell in love with trauma surgery?”

     “I’m not as focused as you are.” he teased. “But really, no big story behind it. I just realized while studying that maybe I didn’t have it in me to treat sick kids.”

     “But you do for broken limbs and car crash victims?” she questioned amused.

     “Don’t forget gunshot and stab wounds.” he replied enthusiastically.

     “Yeah, let’s not forget those.” she rolled her eyes at the ceiling.

     She felt comfortable speaking with him, as if they never went their separate ways. She wondered if it was normal.

     “How’s your brother?” Jungkook asked pulling her away from her thoughts.

     “Seokjin? His fine, always annoying. He is definitely too happy about us working in the same building.”

     “Right. I forgot he was a nurse there. Does he remember me?”

     Y/N arched a brow. “Why wouldn’t he? You used to play games all the time. In fact, I think he would be happy to see you.”

     “Yeah?” he exclaimed cheerily. Then he suddenly became serious. “He gives good punches.” 

     “What How would you know that?”

     “Because he gave me one that same day you broke up with me.” he recalled. “Just a few minutes after you left, actually. Yoongi just let him in my room while I was crying my eyes out. Didn’t really see it coming, really, he just went full swing at my face and left without a single word. Jimin screamed like a girl.”

     Y/N felt her mouth fall. Seokjin never mentioned anything like this happening. He was never one for violence, truth be told she rarely saw him angry at all. Discovering that he went full knight in shining armor caught her by complete surprise.

     Imagining the scene Y/N couldn’t help but throw her head back in laughter amusing Jungkook who couldn’t contain a smile either. “I didn’t know I had an overprotective brother.”

     “He was kinda cool.” he admitted taking another bite from his muffin. 

     It was nice talking about the past like this, without embarrassment. Y/N was thankful that they had cleared things up. “I’m glad we’re friends again.” she confessed with a soft smile.

     “Me too.” he replied in a low voice.

     The next time Y/N and Jungkook meet is to celebrate Yoongi’s promotion to Clinical Project Manager for the medical research institute he worked for. He had planned a Korean dinner night complete with a portable stove grill for the barbeque and expensive soju and Korean beer. Having these themed dinners had become customary. Every Monday one of them would propose a cuisine on their group chat and the following Saturday they would meet at Yoongi’s apartment who usually did all the cooking. Until they had tried Italian, Mexican and Japanese.

     As the night progressed the seven of them began getting tipsier and tipsier, enjoying the alcohol the eldest bought a little bit too much for the late hour. Y/N, who was a quiet drunk and was worried about the neighbors, had tried more than once to make them lower their voices. It was useless. As Jimin and Taehyung started a karaoke competition, Y/N felt the sudden need of a little bit of silence. Wobbling on her feet she pushed herself through the living room and through the corridor until she met a white door head first. She opened it and found herself in a moon lit bedroom. She looked around, her vision a little bit blurry. A queen sized bed was sitting in the middle of the room, the white sheets perfectly folded. At the head of it hang a big wooden frame, the content of it hinting the owner of the chamber. It was Jungkook’s varsity jersey, the very one with which he had won four championships in a row, three of them as captain of the team. On either side of the shirt a very large number of medals were hanging by their colorful ribbons. Y/N couldn’t help but sneer, she had only see a wall of his room and it was already evident how much Jungkook liked to brag.

     “Hey, you ok?” a voice came behind her making her jump. Unsteady on her feet she almost fell however Jungkook’s big hand grabbed her by the elbow just in time to keep her straight.

     “Gosh, you have to stop doing that.” 

     “Sorry.” he giggled half drunk as well. “I saw you hitting your head on the door.”

     “Mmmh.” Y/N mumbled incoherently as she sat down on the edge of his bed. “I’m not exactly sober at the moment.”

     “I can see that.” he replied joining her. He lied on his back beside her and let out a big yawn.

     Y/N looked at him through her clouded eyes. He was wearing a black baggy t-shirt today, one that couldn’t hide his broad chest even if it was clearly twice his size. His matching cargo pants were perfectly hugging his thighs as well. Laying like that, with his eyes now closed and his hair in disarray, Jungkook was the epitome of sexy. Y/N felt herself blushing and diverted her eyes from his figure.

     She looked around the rest of the room. There wasn’t much, really. Just a big cupboard, some weights lying on the floor, a small library and an untidy desk. Over the latter were hanging smaller picture frames which subjects Y/N couldn’t decypher because of the dark. Yet one of them caught her attention, even from where she was sitting she could recognize that it didn’t contain a photograph like the others. It was bigger than the rest and occupied much of the space on the wall. She squinted her eyes trying to get a better look but too lazy to stand up. It took her a couple of tries before her drunk mind recognized the image. She felt her mouth fall in shock, her heart skipping a beat simultaneously.

     “Is that ...” she gasped. “Is that my portrait?

     Jungkook opened an eye at her words before leaning up on his elbows to get a better look at what she was referring to. “Oh, that.” he mumbled. “Yeah.”

     The portrait in question was a drawing the boys had commissioned her four years ago, all seven of them were in it and it took her almost a month to finish it before she was completely satisfied with her work. She recalled how the four bouys used to joke around on who was supposed to get it, making bets and giving her small treats to get on her good side. Last thing she remembered Taehyung had won the competition just by giving her his signature puppy eyes, she could never say no to that. Jungkook was quite bitter that his position as her boyfriend didn’t win him any points.

     Y/N couldn’t believe that he had it hanging on his bedroom floor and she felt herself getting emotional. “Why do you have it?” she whispered staring at him with wide eyes.

     Jungkook sat up straighter and scratched his neck, slightly embarrassed. “Taehyung surrendered it to me after - you know, after we broke up. As a consolation price, I guess.” he laughed softly looking at her from the corner of his eyes.

     “Why do you still have it?” she whispered again in disbelief.

     He shifted his eyes over the portrait pensively. He had it hanging over his desk since the day he had got it. He knew every line and every shadow by heart. “Because its beautiful.” he said matter-of-factly. 

     “Beautiful?” Y/N repeated looking back at the frame again. 

     “Yeah.” he nodded in a low voice. 

     She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol in her system but Y/N felt like there was a hidden meaning behind Jungkook’s words. To her drunken mind, a gift from an ex being beautiful wasn’t enough of an excuse for keeping it for four whole years. Yet she was too tipsy to dwell on it.

     “Doesn’t your girlfriend mind?” she asked curiously after a moment of silence.

     “Why would she?” he shrugged laying on his back once again.

     “Because I’m the one who drew it.” 

     “So?” he asked nonchalantly closing his eyes and entwining his hands over his stomach.

     “So I’m your ex.” it came out more as a question.

     Jungkook sighed before opening a single eye again. “Y/N its just a drawing. No need to dwell on it.”

     Y/N wasn’t convinced as she looked at him with her brows furrowed. Yet again, she wasn’t sober enough to insist. She laid down beside him, mimicking his position and closing her eyes as well. 

     “If you say so.”

     She felt him nodding through the darkness. Now that she had her eyes shut, she felt all of her other senses amplify. She could hear him breathing, could smell his perfume and could feel his skin just a couple on inches away from hers. She felt goosebumps running trough her arms, her heart beating faster once again. She felt the urge to touch him and clenched her fists to resist it. Trying to calm herself down, Y/N took a few deep furtive breaths keeping her eyes closed tight. But it looked like she wasn’t successful in being sly because she felt Jungkook turning his head towards her. To make things worst, the man rolled on his side and had the brilliant idea of putting a hand over Y/N’s.

     “Hey, are you ok?’ he asked worriedly. 

     His touch ignited a shiver down her spine that caused her to tighten her eyes even more. Her espression might have looked like she was in pain because Jungkook anxiously got up on his elbow to hover over her face.

     “Y/N?” he called her.

     The woman shook her head fervently, which she regretted immediately since she suddenly felt the whole world spinning. “I think I’m drunk.” she mumbled.

     “Ok.” Jungkook replied. “Do you want some water?”

     Y/N nodded. “Please.”

     “I’ll get it for you. Wait here.” 

     She felt him get up from the bed and walk towards the door and only when she heard it closing behind him that she released a deep breath, finally opening her eyes to the ceiling.

     “What the hell was that?”

     It was the first week of June and Y/N had been apart from Hoseok for two months now. To be honest, the long distance relationship wasn’t going as bad as she thought it would be. The first few weeks were brutal, of course, but as time went by she started feeling the weight of his absence less and less, making her feel conflicted about her emotions. She missed him, she loved him, yet she didn’t feel the urge to buy a one way ticket to be with him again. Nothing was stopping her from doing just that, either. She still had a few weeks left before her training and the new apartment wasn’t going to be available until the end of the month, so she really didn’t have a reason to stay there other than keeping her brother company. Nevertheless, she didn’t feel like going anywhere. She was enjoying this long vacation, because come to think of it she never had one before. She discovered that she didn’t mind being alone. Y/N had always been a solitary person, a quality over quantity type of girl, but since she had started dating Hoseok she got used to living life as a pair, and didn’t realize how she missed being alone. She liked this newfound independence and at the same time felt guilty about it. 

     Plus, Hoseok had gotten very busy over the past month, the music video project draining him of energy and time, causing their phone calls to be sporadic and brief during the day. He was enthusiastic about it, he had hired at least thirty people to dance an intense choreography, ready to show to the world what he was worth. Most of the time it was all he could talk about.

     “I never did anything like this.” he was just saying on the other side of the call. Y/N was laying on her bed, playing around with a cat shaped stress ball that Yoongi had gifted her the other day. “It’s huge, really. Everyone’s gonna see this music video and everyone’s gonna see my choreography. Can you believe that?” he continued enthusiastically. “If I do this right ... I don’t wanna jinx it.”

     Y/N laughed, smitten by his cuteness. “You’re gonna do great, Hobi.” she really was happy for him, she understood how great of an opportunity this was for his career. 

     “I really hope so.” he sighed. “Actually, I need to tell you something.” he continued tentatively.

     “What is it?” she asked.

     “I don’t think I will be able to fly there next week.” Hoseok said in one breath. “The thing is there is so much I have to do. I want everything to be perfect. You know what a perfectionist I and I still have to complete part of the choreography. I also have to train at least another group of dancers, just in case, you know? And the company was talking about doing a b-side music video too. That means I have to choreograph a whole new routine, you know me, I can’t do the same thing twice. And -”

     “Hobi.” Y/N interrupted his rumbling. She sat up and crossed her legs pensively. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the news. She was already confused as it was and she was looking forward to him joining her so that she could wash away her doubts. “When do you think you’ll be able to come?” she asked sadly.

     “I’m not sure.” he murmured defeated. “Maybe in August.”

     Y/N’s eyes widened. “In August?!” she gasped. “That’s two months from now!”

     “I know.” he grimaced. “They said they planned on recording both videos by the end of July.”

     Y/N closed her eyes, running her fingers trough her hair. “How long have you known about this?”

     “Y/N ...” he pleaded. “A week.”

     “A week.” she repeated slowly. “Why are you only telling me now?”

     “Because I know you would be angry.”

     “Of course I’m angry!” Y/N raised her voice. “We haven’t seen each other for two months! How do you think I would have reacted?”

     “I know, I’m sorry!” he exclaimed defensively. 

     Silence fell in both ends of the call. Y/N didn’t know what to say. She was angry and sad, but there was also a part of her, a part she was trying hard to suppress, that felt somehow relieved by the news. 

     “You could always come back home.” Hoseok said tentatively. 

     “What do you mean?”

     “You could come back home.” he repeated. “There’s no reason for you to be there.”

     Y/N knew what he meant, she knew he was right, but somehow she stupidly felt offended by his words. “I’m going to work here.” she hissed.

     “Not until July.” he responded firmly. “There’s no reason for you to be there now. You could come home. You’ve been doing nothing this past month, you could have come back home weeks ago.”

     Y/N didn’t fail to notice his accusing tone. “That’s not my home anymore.” she mumbled before she could stop herself. 

     Hoseok fell silent for a moment. “I’m supposed to be your home.” he replied matter-of-factly.

     Y/N knew that he was hurt by her words and he had every reason to be. “I’m sorry.” was all she could say, biting her lip.

     “Yeah.” he sighed.

     Their conversation had gone bad so quickly. Y/N couldn’t understand her feelings. She was angry at him for going back on his word, guilty that she didn’t care as she should, regretful of what she had said and ashamed that in a moment like this, for a reason that she didn’t understand, a familiar face kept popping in her head.

     Jungkook. 

     “I’m going to bed.” he announced suddenly bringing her back to reality. “I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”

     “Ok.”

     “I love you.” Hoseok breathed slowly.

     “I love you too.” she replied, but for the first time in two years she didn’t fully mean it.

Part 2

     July - Aug.

     Day 1 of the general surgery residency program had finally arrived.

     Y/N was beyond thrilled. She had waited her whole life for this moment, her whole family were health workers, her father being an anesthesiologist and both her mother and brother being nurses, she was destined.

     That night she could barely sleep, not only for the excitement of the new adventure but also because she wasn’t used too sleeping alone in an empty house anymore. She loved her new apartment over looking the park, but she had rented it for herself and her boyfriend and, now that he had postponed his departure to the end of the summer, it just felt too big without someone to share it with.

     The past few weeks had been hard for their relationship, at least on Y/N’s side. She wasn’t sure if Hoseok only pretended not to see it, but she was feeling more and more distant to him. She tried to fight it during their daily phone calls, yet she still recognized that her attitude towards him had changed. She didn’t feel as excited as before when seeing his name on her screen, sometimes even ignoring him for a couple of hours until she could without worrying him. Their conversations were still naturally cheerful because she did care for him and she did enjoy talking to him after all. However she could feel that something had shifted inside her. 

     It was sad to admit but Y/N had gotten used to his absence. Her days didn’t evolved around him anymore, on the contrary, most of the time he was the last thing she would think of. She felt guilty about it, obviously and had a hard time admitting something that deep down she already knew.

     She didn’t speak of it with anyone because doing so would only make things real and she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with it. So she kept everything for herself, trying very hard to ignore her feelings and hoping that it was only a temporary situation caused by the distance between them. After all, Hoseok had nothing wrong. He was still as sweet and caring as ever despite they haven’t seen each other in person for three months now. He never failed to prove to her his love, sometimes even sending her little gifts that would make her smile contently, making her remember why she fell in love with him in the first place.

     His last gift had come by the mail just a couple of days before: a brand new stethoscope of a major brand.

     “I know you planned on keep using your father’s old stethoscope, for good fortune.” the note attached to the box read. “But I thought it was only right for you to start this new adventure with a pair of your own with the hopes that it will accompany you throughout this whole journey and that it could help you create your own fortune. I’m proud of you and I love you.”

     She had called him with tears that night.

     Y/N had been struggling about her feelings for Hoseok for weeks, keeping her distracted and absent-minded, but that day, her first day as an intern, she had no space for him in her mind. All she could think of was the adrenaline rushing through her veins, she felt wide awake even if she had slept only a few hours and it was 6 o’clock in the morning.

     “Here’s your chocolate.” Jungkook’s voice came from behind her. “Are you sure you don’t want some coffee? It’s hella early.”

     They were sitting inside the hospital cafeteria having breakfast together since they still had an hour before their appointment with their resident. The two of them had spent a lot of time together over the past week, going together at the dinner party for the interns and at orientation day. They had decided that since they lived farely close too each other now, and as soon as their shifts allowed it, they would come to work together, Jungkook picking her up with his second hand car. Fortunately enough, they were also assigned to the same resident which meant that they would spend their whole year as interns together.

     “No.” she answered to his question. “I’m already agitated as it is. Caffeine is the last thing I need.”

     “Good for you.” he replied taking a good sip of his own coffee. “I don’t know if its a defense meccanism or whatever but I feel like I could sleep till tomorrow.”

     “You’re still gonna be here tomorrow.” she noted.

     “I know.” he sighed. “Can you believe it? This is going to be our life now.”

     “Get ready, Dr. Jeon.” Y/N teased him. “I’m going to kick your ass this time as well.”

     Jungkook arched a brow at her. “You were only good in college because it was all theory, Dr. Y/L/N.” he bit back. “It’s all practice now. We’re in my field.”

     “Bet I’ll be the first of the two of us to hold a scalpel.” she said firmly reaching out a hand.

     “Bet I’ll be the first of all the interns to hold a scalpel.” he retracted smugly.

     Y/N smirked at his cockiness, already enjoying the challenge. “Deal.” she answered shaking his hand firmly.

     Their assigned resident didn’t seem to like the idea of having five interns to take care of. He was surly, angry half of the time and ignored them the rest of it. He didn’t like himself repeating himself twice and explained things only if asked to. On the other hand he demanded for them to answer correctly and promptly to all of his questions, and got annoyed easily if they took to long on doing basic medical procedures.

     Y/N and Jungkook’s first 6 hours as interns went like a living hell. The resident had noticed that the former was the first one to answer correctly most of his questions, even the trickiest ones, and instead of praising her for it he taken it upon himself to treat her us badly as possible, even accusing her of little things she didn’t do. Jungkook, always the knight, had made the mistake of defending her, getting on his bad side as well. 

     By lunchtime, the two of them had spent all of their energy by keeping themselves always on high alert, not only when they were with their resident but also when they were alone. Neither of them could relax, first because their teacher was the reincarnation of the devil and second because it turned out that the hospital was one hell of a scary place. Everything they did felt like it could kill a patient, even simply writing down the vitals of a lady with appendicitis. Y/N had checked at least five times if she what she had in hand was the right chart before writing anything down. She was visibly so anxious that Jungkook didn’t even find it in him to tease her about it.

     “This isn’t going as good as I thought it would.” Y/N said playing with the meat on her plate. They were at the cafeteria once again, stopping for the first time since that morning. “He hates me.”

     “He hates me too.” Jungkook said. “I think he hates us all.”

     “You shouldn’t have defended me.” she reprimanded him with a pout. “You’re making me feel guilty.”

     Jungkook sneered. “No way I was staying silent.” he exclaimed waving his fork at her. “He accused you of clamping the thoracic drainage of that man when you didn’t even touch it! He’s a bitch.”

     “Guess you’ve met Dr. Park.” a voice sniggered above their heads. Seokjin was carrying his lunch on a tray and was smiling at them with glee. 

     “You could have told me!” she accused her brother as he sat down at the table with them. “You knew!”

     “Of course I knew.” he laughed. “But where was the fun in that.”

     “I should have known.” Jungkook grimaced giving him a stern look. “You were too quiet that day and you’re never quiet.”

     After the initial awkwardness the two man had recovered their friendship as well, even playing games together again. Even when they were a couple, Y/N found their relationship strange, they had too much syntony despite having a 5 year age gap. For example, Jin didn’t act as comfortable with Hoseok, even if they had known each other for two years. But maybe that was just because they lived far from each other. 

     “According to my experience,” Seokjin said. “the more he gives you a hard time, the more he respects you.”

     “Why is that?” Y/N asked, suddenly curious.

     “See it this way. He knows you exist.”

     “Thanks. I feel better now.” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

     “No, really. Think about it. Has he spoken to any of the other interns?”

     Y/N thought about it for a second before shaking her head. “I don’t think so.”

     “Because he was too busy screaming at us.” Jungkook pointed out.

     “Because he saw you.” Seokjin corrected him.

     “How romantic.” the other puffed annoyed.

     “He might have a point, though.” Y/N said trying to convince herself that a hellish year wasn’t laying ahead.

     “Where are the other interns, anyway?”

     Jungkook shrugged. “Hiding away to cry, most probably.”

     “He doesn’t like them very much.” Y/N explained to his brother. “Two of them went to Med School with him and our total douchebags.”

     “The other one is a daddy’s girl who doesn’t even know how to put a tourniquet on.” the boy added. “Prepare yourself, Y/N. I’m going to glue myself to you.”

     “As if you haven’t already.” she smirked. “You were practically my shadow today.”

     “Only because you needed someone to defend you against Dr. Park.”

     “You’re my knight in shining armor.”

     Seokjin groaned. “Please, don’t start flirt in front of my salad.”

     Maybe because she was tired or maybe because she had spent the whole day close to him, but that night, alone in her big apartment, Y/N dreamt of making love to Jungkook.

     The next phone call she has with Hoseok was painful. It was the morning after her first shift and he was so enthusiastic about hearing how it went while all Y/N could think about was how guilty she felt of dreaming about being with another man. It had happened before, of course, but all with fictional characters or actors she had a crush on, never with real people she actually knew. Let alone her ex boyfriend.

     She tried to blame it on the fact that she hadn’t had sex for three months now and that it was only due for her to have a wet dream. Jungkook was the subject of it only because she had been seeing a lot of him lately. Nothing more.

     It wasn’t easy to stop thinking about it, the whole thing vivid in her memory. The fact that her subconcious remembered Jungkook’s anatomy in detail didn’t help either. Of course, he had changed over the years, he was more muscular and had those long wavy hair now. Not to mention how good he looked with his scrubs on. Twelve hours of internship and he already had all the female staff at his feet.

     Jungkook was sexy as hell. There was no denying it.

     But he was also smart and kind and funny. He was the complete package.

     And he was taken. Hell, she was taken too. She shouldn’t be thinking about her ex without his shirt on. Especially when on the other side of the phone the most perfect boyfriend was trying hard to get her attention.

     “A little bit distracted today?” Hoseok asked with a sigh. 

     “I’m sorry.” she run a hand through her hair feeling terrible. “Just tired.”

     “I get it.” she felt him smiling over the phone. “Do you want me to call you later?”

     “Do you mind? I think I’m gonna nap for another hour.”

     “Sure. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” he said sweetly.

     “Love you too.”

     Now alone again in her room, Y/N felt even worse than before. Not only she felt relieved that he had hung up, but she also wasn’t sure if she meant those last words anymore. 

     She wanted to go for a run to clear her mind but chances were that she would meet Jungkook, the very one he wanted to avoid. The only thing she could do was lay on her bed, snuggle under the covers and feel like the most terrible person on earth.

     When did this started? When did she started feeling this way for Jungkook again? Did she really had feelings for him? Or was it only the fact that Hoseok was far away?

     Still it didn’t excuse her for feeling the way she did. If she truly loved him she wouldn’t be thinking of another man even if they lived two continents apart. Right?

     So she didn’t love Hoseok anymore? But she did, she could feel it. She cared for him a lot, she still cheered for him, she still liked his attentions. Then what was it? Why wasn’t it enough?

     And why Jungkook of all the people? Maybe it was because he saw him everyday, maybe if she didn’t see him as much she wouldn’t have developed this feelings.

     But really, what feelings were they anyway? She wasn’t in love with him, of that she was sure of. Hoseok was the one she loved, yes. Hoseok who was perfect. Where would she find another man like him? But yet again, Jungkook was perfect too. She had tested it.

     Except for the fact that he had cheated on her. Of course, it was a long time ago and she wasn’t even sure that she could call it cheating. They were barely at the beggining of their relationship back then, their very short relationship.

     What was she even thinking of? Leaving Hoseok for him? That was stupid. Why would she trade a perfect love story with the uncertainty of a college flirt with a tragic ending? Besides, Jungkook never showed any interest towards her since she had come back.

     Because he has a girlfriend.

     He probably loved her to bits too. 

     Yet ... he never talked about her. Hell, Y/N never even saw her once. Why would he never invite her during their group dates? Not even once. That was strange. Come to think of it, Y/N didn’t even know how she looked like. All she knew about her was that she was a professional dancer like Hoseok. That’s it. She never bothered to ask, truth be told.

     Because I don’t care.

     Y/N wanted to silence the voice inside her head. She felt like screaming. 

     She was with someone, for god’s sake. Someone that loved her, that made her feel loved. She didn’t need this.

     Maybe it was only a sexual attraction. Right, maybe that was it. It was impossible to not be attracted to Jungkook after all, she was only human. 

     She was in sex withdrawal and Jungkook happened to be the most fuckable living being that her restless mind could think of.

     Sexual attraction. Yes. That explained everything.

     She trew the covers over her head, hiding from the world, and started repeating the same phrase all over again, like a mantra.

     “I’m in love with Hoseok. I’m in love with Hoseok.”

     To celebrate surviving their first week as interns, Y/N and Jungkook had decided to invite their friends to a night out. 

     Y/N decided to dress up for the occasion: there was no use in denying it anymore, she wanted to attract Jungkook’s attention. So she put on her favorite summer dress, styled her hair and put on some red lipstick. After days of self pity, she had finally surrendered to the idea that, for one reason or another, she was attracted to the man. Physically speaking, of course. Nothing more than that. 

     What she couldn’t explain was why it never happened before. Never with this intensity, anyways. She had met a lot of men during the past years, undoubtebly handsome men too. Yet not one of them had caused such a reaction from her. What was so special about Jungkook?

     Despite still feeling guilty about it, a part of her was now convinced that there was nothing wrong with feeling a little attracted to someone. She was only human, after all. She wasn’t a saint. Therefore what was the harm in having a little fun?

     Ever the competitive one, Y/N wanted to test Jungkook. She couldn’t believe that she was the only one feeling this connection. She wanted to provoke a reaction from him, nothing major, just enough to not make her feel alone in her misery. It was stupid, she was aware of it, and morally wrong.

     It’s not like I want to have sex with him, she thought wearing her black leather jacket and grabbing her keys.

     Well, she did want to. But she wasn’t actually going to do it.

     She respected Hoseok, loved him. Cheating was not part of her plans.

     The walk to the pub was a quick one since it was only a few blocks away from her apartment. She was the last one to arrived, which she sort of planned on happening: she wanted to make an entrance. She had imagine the scene in her head while she was taking a shower. 

     Her friends would be waiting for her outside the bar and she would walk confidently towards them. Jungkook would be standing there looking all handsome and breathtaking, he would look up - at 0.5x speed - only to see her looking all gorgeous and sexy as well. His jaw would drop, his heart would skip a bit. They would look into each others eyes intensely, exchanging a silent message between them. And then ...

     And then that was it. That was how far she let her imagination go.

     To some extent, what she pictured did come true. Jungkook was all handsome and breathtaking, she was all gorgeous and sexy, but there was no jaw dropping and no silent message. On the contrary the man averted his gaze almost immediately upon seeing her.

     “Hey, sexy.” Jimin teased her, putting an arm around her shoulder. “Did it hurt?”

     Y/N frowned at him. “When I fell from heaven?” she pretended to vomit. “Does that even work?”

     The man laughed, squeezing her affectionately against his body. “Guess not. Not that I never needed pickup lines to get the ladies to fall in love with me.” he winked at her.

     Y/N rolled her eyes before greeting the others. Jungkook smiled tightly at her. She returned, a little bit confused.

     For the first part of the evening, the boy acted awfully strange towards Y/N, in such a way that was impossible for her to ignore it. He would avoid her eyes at all cost, even avoid her touch - which was nearly impossible since they were sitting next to each other in a too small booth for the seven of them. Y/N was unable to relax feeling him so tense and found herself pulling away from his body as well, to the point that she was practically glued to Ashley’s arm. To ease her nerves a little she started drinking her cocktail way too quickly, ignorant of the fact that Jungkook was unknowingly matching her pace.

     It took them a first round of shots to be finally able to loosen up. Laughing hard to one of Jimin’s stupid jokes she found herself leaning her head against Jungkook’s bicep, and before she knew it she felt his hand over her naked thigh, just a few inches above her knee. He didn’t seem to have done it on purpose since he had his head thrown back in laughter as well. Nevertheless, Y/N had to try hard to act as normally as possible and pretend like feeling the heat of his skin on hers was nothing to make a fuss about.

     Jungkook didn’t remove his hand from its place even after the conversation had shifted. On the contrary, he started drawing little circles on her inner thigh, slow and featherlike. Y/N’s heart hadn’t stopped hammering for minutes now, every nerve in her body electrified by his touch. This skinship was something she did not expect, it caught her completely off guard. As far as she knew, Jungkook had never proven any interest towards her, beside those of friendship. 

     She tried reliving the moments they had spent together over the past few months. Did she miss something? She didn’t, did she? This was the first time he acted like this. Was it because of the alcohol? They had been drunk together before and nothing had happened. Was it the dress then? But he had seen her in shorts multiple times.

     She was still in the middle of the umpteenth internal battle when Jungkook suddenly took his hand off her. Y/N’s eyes looked up at him instinctively. He too was looking at her, slightly smiling. She tried to read the meaning behind it. What kind of smile was that? Was he angry that she didn’t reciprocate his touch? Or happy that she didn’t push him away?

     Then Taehyung called Jungkook’s name and he had to divert his eyes from her to listen to what he was saying.

     Looking at his profile, Y/N thought hard on what to do next. She missed his touch already, she wanted more. Should she put a hand on his jean-clothed thigh too? Maybe she could lean her arm against his, trying to act as naturally as possible. She didn’t want the others to catch up to her inner turmoil.

     And then she noticed his hand, the same one that was on her skin just a few moments ago. It was laying between them on the wooden bench, his long fingers holding its edge. She stared at it for a minute. Did he left it there intentionally? She didn’t care.

     She looked up, pretending to listen to whatever conversation the other’s were having, and grabbed a few chips for good measure. Then, as carefully as possible, she put her hand next to his, their pinkies brushing against each other. Just that movement and heart went stammering again, she couldn’t here a word the others were saying, her eyes unfocused. She could feel the electricity running between them and wondered if Jungkook was feeling it too. 

     She took a deep breath trough her nose, smiling to Namjoon who seemed to be speaking to her, and put her finger across his. Just a finger. With her lip beneath her teeth she waited, counting to three inside her head. If he moved away she could still pretend she didn’t do it on purpose, that it was a complete accident. Yet Jungkook didn’t move. He kept his head turned away from her, still listening to Taehyung. With his other hand he grabbed the bottle of his beer and took a large sip from it. 

     What happened next made Y/N blush. Even if it was such a simple thing, making her feel like a kindergarten kid.

     Jungkook carefully freed his pinkie from hers and then, with a sweetness that Y/N didn’t expect, intertwined their last two fingers together. 

     If it made any sense, this felt better than his whole hand on her thigh. Y/N smiled. She didn’t know what this whole thing meant, yet she didn’t care. She would think about it tomorrow.

     They stayed in that position for the rest of the evening, playing with each other’s digits and caressing each other’s skin. Neither of them moved their hands from under the table, both enjoying the secrecy.

     Y/N believed they did a good job in hiding it too. But it turned out she was wrong.

     At the end of the night, when the time to go home came, the group hug each other goodnight. It was then that Y/N realized that the moment to finally face the reality had come.

     As Ashley hugged her close she heard her whispering in her ear. “You. Me. Breakfast tomorrow. You have some explaining to do.”

     Y/N dreaded this moment. One thing was to fantasize on her own, having her best friend looking at her with inquisitive eyes was another matter altogether.

     Ashley showed herself at her doorstep early in the morning, true to her threath. She had brought with her breakfast and a very intimidating stare that made Y/N quiver.

     “Are you cheating on Hoseok?” she had said once they were both sitted at the kitchen table. Her straightforwardness almost made Y/N choke on her coffee. “Not here to judge, of course.” she added. 

     “I’m not!” Y/N exclaimed defensively. “I’m not cheating on Hoseok.”

     The other girl arched an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Then what was going on between you and Jungkook yesterday?”

     “You saw that?” Y/N grimaced.

     “Of course, I saw that.” Ashley laughed. “Taehyung did too.”

     Y/N felt her eyes widen. “Taehyung?!”

     “I think you didn’t noticed,” her friend teased her. “But we were literally glued to eachother inside that booth. If I could see you getting sneaky under the table, he could too. He was sitting next to Jungkook after all.”

      Y/N moaned in pain, putting her hands over her face. “Are you sure he saw it too?”

      “Positive.” she nodded. “We caught each others eyes.”

      “Great. Now it will only be a matter of days before he tells Jimin and we all know how much Jimin likes to gossip, he’ll tell Yoongi for sure.” she cried. “Please tell me you didn’t tell Namjoon.”

     “Y/N ...” Ashley said tentatively. “We’ve actually known for weeks. We have a group chat.”

     Y/N blinked a couple of times, she wasn’t sure she heard her right. “You have a what?”

     “A group chat.” the other repeated as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Seokjin is in it too.”

     “Seokjin what?!” she exclaimed flabbergasted.

     Ashley nodded, entertained by her friend’s reaction. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but we are actually taking bets. We’ve done it back in college too, come to think of it.”

     “Wait, wait, wait.” Y/N put her hands forward. “This is way too much information. You’re betting on what exactly?”

     “On whether you leave each other’s partners by the end of the summer.” she shrugged. “Yoongi is convinced you won’t be able to resist, too much sexual tension. I disagree, I know you better than he does. You’re not the type of person to go break someone’s trust.”

      “Thank you, I guess.” Y/N felt her head spinning. “Is this why you asked me whether I cheated on Hoseok or not? Because you made a bet on it?”

     “Are you mad?” Ashley asked.

     Y/N thought about it for a moment, before releasing a long breath. “I think I’m supposed to be. The truth is that my emotions have been all over the place this past month.”

     “You want to talk about it? Jokes aside, I’m really here to help.”

     The other smiled at her friend. Perhaps it was best to let it out, after all, instead of keeping it all in. “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once.” she rumbled on. “But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him.” she confessed all of a sudden. She never had said it out loud. “Oh my god, what did I just say? Oh my God.” Y/N gasped hiding her face behind her hands. “This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

     “Y/N, they already know.” Ashley smiled at her sadly. “We’ve been watching you guys gravitate around each other for a while now.”

     The other girl furrowed her brows. “We do?”

     Ashley nodded fervently. “You said it yourself, you’re like too magnets. You might not have been conscious about it, but it’s always been there.”

     “How can that be?” Y/N questioned. “Yesterday was the first time anything happened between us.”

     “What? Holding hands under the table?” Ashley giggled. “That’s nothing compared to the way you look at each other. Haven’t you noticed the way he has to force himself to look away from you sometimes? Or even the way you guys joke around, how you tease each other.”

     Y/N didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t entirely sure she knew what her friend was talking about. “He looks at me?” she repeated dumbfoundedly.

     “He does.” Ashley nodded once more. “A lot actually.”

     “How come I’ve never noticed?” she murmured.

     “I don’t know. Maybe you guys were too caught up in pretending to be just friends to realize what was really happening. You do it too, you know? Look at him with hearts in your eyes.” she clarified.

     “I don’t look at him with hearts in my eyes.” Y/N exclaimed slightly offended.

     “Maybe not at first.’ Ashley conceded. “But tell you what, I’m able to exactly tell you when you stopped thinking about him as only your friend.”

     Y/N crossed her arms over her chest. “Please enlighten me because I still have to figure that out myself.”

     “Last May you run into him one morning while jogging, remember? I do because you spent a whole hour talking about it on the phone.”

     “I did not!” she cried out.

     “Yes, you did!” Ashley exclaimed pointing a finger at her. “You called me saying you wanted to catch up but the truth is you needed to talk to someone about your feelings for him. Even if you weren’t aware of it yet. You were all ‘Jungkook is so this’, ‘Jungkook is so that’, ‘I’m so happy that we’re friends again’ and bla bla bla.” she mimicked her friend. “That’s the moment the things shifted.” she added fervently. “That’s when you stopped being friends.”

     Y/N looked at her with wide eyes, trying to process what she had said. She tried remembering that phone call, but she couldn’t. Yes, she remembered calling Ashley as soon as she had gone home, but she couldn’t recall what their conversation had been about. “I - Are you sure I did that?”

     “I am.” Ashley nodded. “If its of any consolation, Jungkook did the same with Yoongi. He created the group chat right after.”

     “Yoongi created the group chat?” Y/N asked taken by surprise.

     The other girl giggled. “I think he might be your number one fan, actually.”

     “So what are you guys saying? That we’re in love with each other?” Y/N mumbled after a moment of silence.

     “You tell me.” Ashley replied sweetly, understanding her friends struggle.

     “I love Hoseok.” Y/N responded automatically.

     “But are you in love with him?”

     That seemed such a stupid question at first, didn’t she just answer that? But then she spotted the difference. Being in love. Over the past month she had repeated over and over again that she loved Hoseok. Of course she did, she cared for him. But was she still in love with him?

     “He’s perfect.” she whispered to herself.

     Ashley smiled at her sadly. “This is going to sound so cliche ... He might be perfect, but maybe he is not perfect for you.”

     Y/N felt tears prickling the corner of her eyes, her heart slowly coming to terms with the reality. “He’s done so much for me.”

     “I know.”

     “He’s such a great man.” she cried. “He didn’t do anything wrong.”

     “Of course, not.” Ashley replied, taking her friends hand in hers. “But neither did you, Y/N There’s nothing wrong in falling out of love with someone.”

     At her words Y/N started sobbing, she had finally stopped denying what deep down she already knew. She was overwhelmed by the pain, she had never felt anything like it. The idea of hurting someone as precious as Hoseok killed her, her heart aching in such a way that it took her breath away. Ashley stood up to hug her friend from behind, feeling her body shake against hers.

     “What am I going to do?” she sobbed.

     “I think you already know.”

     The days after her conversation with Ashley weren’t easy for Y/N. She had spent the rest of the day crying her eyes out, laying on her bed. Her friend had stayed with her until she fell asleep from the exhaustion and left only because she had to go to work. As soon as she was outside the apartment she called her boyfriend and Y/N’s long time best friend, Namjoon, who didn’t think twice before asking Seokjin the spare keys for his sister’s apartment.

     He stayed with her for the rest of the afternoon, giving her words of comfort and understanding, cooling her some ramen and making sure that she drank some water. He had never saw his friend like this, not even Jungkook’s break up had had this effect on her. It was probably the fact that she had anger on her side that time, she had a reason to hate him and that had helped her to move on. This time was different, Hoseok didn’t cheat on her, he didn’t lie to her, he didn’t do anything wrong. He had been the perfect partner despite the distance. 

     Namjoon had no idea what it felt like, discovering that you didn’t love someone anymore, someone with whom you’ve made lifetime plans with, someone you thought would always be by your side. But looking at her best friend, staring far away in the distance with her eyes all red from crying, he hoped he would never have the chance to discover it.

     Y/N had to gather all of her courage and energy to be able to go to work the next morning. The last person she wanted to see that moment was Jungkook, a part of her blamed him for everything: if they hadn’t met again, nothing of this would have happened, she would be still happily in love with Hoseok. 

     Of course, she knew he was only a scapegoat.

     Unfortunately, she had forgotten that Jungkook had promised to pick her up every morning to go to work together, so she had to meet him before she was ready.

     The ride to the hospital was silent and uncomfortable. The boy had noticed her swollen eyes immediately and thought better than ask her about it. Y/N didn’t even try to pretend that she was fine, she didn’t care if he was curious, if he was worried.

     They didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the day, Y/N made sure that she was always as far from him as possible. All she wanted was to stay away from the man with whom she supposedly fell in love with.

     That day turned out to be the worst day of her life. With everything that was going on inside her head, she was too distracted. She wasn’t able to answer to half of Dr. Park’s questions, had to rewrite some of the charts and lost herself on the fourth floor. To make things worst, Y/N had to lead her first code blue, the patient didn’t make it and she had to question her actions for the rest of the shift, wondering if she could have done something more.

     The rest of the week didn’t turn out to be any better. She kept avoiding Jungkook who had now gone from worried for her to angry with her. He had tried to start a conversation, trying to understand why was she so mad at him because, really, he had no clue. 

     Jungkook wasn’t the only one she was treating with the cold shoulder. She had started ignoring Hoseok’s calls too, feeling guilty but not yet ready to do what she knew she had to do. She would send him short messages, making excuses and promising to call him back. She was being coward and she knew it.

     Finding the courage to break up with someone wasn’t easy at all. Especially when that someone was Hoseok, the definition of good.

     Her feelings for Jungkook had taken a back seat. She wasn’t even sure yet that what she felt for him was actually love. And the thought that she was breaking someone’s heart for something so uncertain pained her even more. 

     But nevertheless, what mattered was she couldn’t be with someone she didn’t love anymore, because no matter how painful it was, it wasn’t fair to neither of them.

     At the end of the third week of July, eight days after Y/N had started acting strange around him, Jungkook had finally had enough. 

     She was walking towards the intern’s locker room, ready for her night shift, when she felt a hand grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her throughout the corridor.

     “Jungkook!” she shouted, recognizing his black hair and broad shoulders. “What are you doing?!”

     “I’m kidnapping you.” he answered sternly pushing her inside a small deposit room and closing the door behind him, blocking her only way out. “What the hell is going on?”

     Y/N took an instinctive step back, looking away from him. “Nothing’s going on.”

     “Don’t play stupid.” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “We both know that you’re not stupid. You’ve been awfully distracted this week, you haven’t been answering any of our messages on the group chat and ...” he took a deep breath. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

     “I wasn’t avoiding you.” she lied poorly.

     “Please. Y/N. Tell me what’s going on.” he pleaded taking a step towards her and reaching out his hand to take hers. . She took another one back, surprising him. The last time she had avoided his touch was four years ago. It was a painful memory for both of them. “Is it ... Is it because of the other night? At the pub?” he murmured hesitantly. “Because if that’s what has been on your mind ... We can forget about it if you want.” he said slowly.

     Y/N bit her lip. She wasn’t ready for this conversation yet. “Jungkook ...” she sighed. “It’s not that.” Not entirely, at least, she thought.

     “What is it then?” he asked softly. He tried reaching out for her hand again. This time she couldn’t find it in her to deny him. 

     She had taken his hand a thousand times before when they were together, she always enjoyed how small it looked compared to his, yet this time it felt different.

     I think I’m in love with you, she wanted to tell him. But you have Lisa and I have Hoseok. I’m going to break his heart for you.

     Y/N closed her eyes, trying to push the tears away and trying to ignore the way Jungkook was looking at her, like he would give his right hand to make her smile again. Was this the look Ashley was talking about? Had he really been looking at her like this? How could she miss it?

     “I broke up with Lisa.” Jungkook suddenly confessed making her open her eyes in shock.

     “You what ...” she gasped.

     He squeezed her hand tighter, a determined yet fearful look on his face. “I broke up with Lisa.” he repeated. “Two weeks ago. I haven’t told anyone.”

     Y/N released a shaky breath. “W-why?”

     “Because I didn’t love her anymore.” he said. “I think I never really loved her.”

     Y/N’s mind went blank. She looked down on her shoes, she could feel herself trembling. “Why are you telling me this?”

     Jungkook took a deep breath, intertwining their fingers together. “You know why.”

     Her heart started hammering inside her chest like crazy, her ears ringing.

     What was he saying? That he left her for her? Why? Where was this coming from? What was she supposed to do now? Should he tell him that she was thinking about living Hoseok, too? What would that imply? That they should start dating each other again? She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. She had barely come to terms with all of her feelings. This was too much all of a sudden.

     “The portrait,” he started saying, his voice trembling. “Your portrait, I’ve kept it because I couldn’t find the courage to throw it away, even after all this years. Y/N ... It might have been easy for you to forget me back then, but it wasn’t for me. It still isn’t.” he confessed. “You weren’t a fling for me. I fell in love with you. Everyday since that morning four years ago, I’ve regretted letting you go. Finding you again, being friends with you again, is the greatest thing that happened to me since then. But it’s not enough for me. Not anymore.”

     Y/N felt paralized, she didn’t know what to say. She just looked at him with her mouth half open, his words repeating themselves inside her head.

     “Please say something.” Jungkook pleaded once again.

     Even in a moment like this Y/N couldn’t help herself but to find him handsome. His brows where furrowed in worry, his big doe eyes shone despite the dim light. Jungkook was beautiful and he had just confessed his feelings for her. Yet she couldn’t speak, as if she didn’t know how. 

     She watched defiantly as his expression changed with every second passing in silence. She saw the exact moment all the hope left his body  but still didn’t anything to stop it.

     “Okay.” he murmured in surrender, slowly letting go of her hand. “Okay.”

     He turned her back at her, ready to leave. She could have stopped him, he had given her one last chance to, yet she didn’t.

     And so he left, leaving her alone inside the deposit room.

     It took Y/N three whole days to understand fully what had happened. It took both Ashley’s and Namjoon’s scolding for her to realize that she was about to ruin something beautiful, again. It took Yoongi’s message reading ‘Jungkook told us what happened. Whatever you decide to do, please don’t close us out again. We love you, all three of us.’ for her to decide that enough was enough. It took Seokjin banging like a mad man on her apartment door for her to finally gather the courage to do what she needed to do.

     It took Y/N a total of eleven days since her conversation with Ashley to finally break up with Hoseok.

     “Hey.” he had responded at the fifth ring.

     “Hey.”

     They both sighed on each other’s side of the call. A few moments of silence followed as they listened to each other’s breathing.

     “Y/N ...” he sighed.

     “Yeah?”

     “I’m supposed to fly there in two days.” 

     She closed her eyes, the first tears falling down her cheeks.

     “I know.”

     A pause. “Do you want me to?”

     “I don’t know.” she replied weakly. “Do you?”

     “I don’t know.” he repeated. She heard him taking a deep breath. “It’s over, isn’t?”

     Y/N bit her tongue, trying to suppress a sob. “You’re perfect, Hoseok.” she cried. “We were perfect together.”

     “We were.” he cried as well.

     “I’m so sorry.”

     “Me too.”

     They listened to each other’s cries in silence, feeling the gravity of the moment.

     “I never resigned from the dance studio.” Hoseok suddenly confessed with a broken voice. “I never bought the plane ticket.”

     Y/N didn’t feel angry as she was supposed to, instead she felt relieved. She smiled through the tears. “That’s your place.” 

     “It is.” he agreed sadly. “Y/N?”

     “Yeah?”

     Another pause. “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

     Y/N felt her heart squeeze in pain. She put a hand over her chest, trying to ease the pain and started crying even harder. He felt the same. 

     “I think I’m in love with Jungkook.” she confessed before she could question whether it was right or wrong. Nevertheless she felt a burden lifting from her shoulders once the words came out. She didn’t want anything to be left unsaid between them.

     Hoseok sobbed on the other side of the phone. “I’m not going to ask you if something happened between you two ...”

     “It didn’t!” she interrupted him immediately, she didn’t want him to think that she had disrespected him and their relationship. “I swear.”

     “I’m not going to ask you,” he continued. “Because it wouldn’t change anything.”

     This was it. It was over. Nothing they could say would turn back things around.

     “I really am sorry, Hoseok.”

     “Me too, Y/N.” he said trying to calm down his breathing. “I think I’ve known that it was over for quite some time now, but I’ve been trying to act normal because I thought it was only the distance. I wasn’t brave enough to face the truth.”

     Y/N wanted to laugh: the idea that even in a moment like this the two of them had the same thoughts was sadly ironic.

     “I really thought you were the one, you know?”

     “I thought so too.”

     There was another moment of silence in which the both of them calmed themselves listening to the other’s steady breathing, preparing for the final goodbye.

     “Do you think we could be friends some day?” Y/N asked sincerely curious.

     “Not for some time.” Hoseok smiled.

     She nodded in understanding. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

     “Thank you for being my best supporter.”

     “I still am.” she smiled.

     “I’ll send you the link to the music video.” he joked.

     “I’ll be waiting for it.” she giggled softly.

     They lingered another minute in silence, savoring their last moment as a couple.

     “Goodbye, Hoseok.”

     “Goodbye, Y/N.” he hang up.

     Staring at the screen of her phone she felt one last tear falling. She looked at the flower vase that was sitting on her nightstand. Ashley had gifted it to her the day before.

     “These are daffodils.” her note had read. “They represent rebirth, new beginnings.”

     She smiled.

     A week later Y/N woke up in at 3 a.m. in the morning. She had another dream about Jungkook. She had been having a lot of them lately, some of them innocent, some of them not.

     After her break up she had decided to give herself some needed time to put the pieces of her life back together. Truth be told, everything happened way to fast.

      She told herself that before giving Jungkook an answer she had to be 100% sure that she really wanted to be with him. He deserved that at least. 

     Jungkook, rightfully so after he had lost all hope to be with Y/N again, had started giving the same treatment she had given him a week prior: he avoided her. Those few times she was able to steal a better look at him, Y/N noticed that he looked paler and had dark circles under her eyes. She couldn’t believe that she never saw his feelings for what they really were, Jungkook had the most expressive eyes she ever saw. And she called herself an intelligent person. 

     More than once Y/N had to fight the urge to just grab him from the collar of his scrubs and just kiss the hell out of him and put an end to both of their misery. That would serve a lesson as well to those girls who kept flirting with him everywhere he went.

     That night, at 3 a.m., had woken up from a very vivid dream. A distant memory. Their first kiss. 

     It was New Years Eve and Namjoon had dragged her to this beach party because he wanted to see his crush. There, she run into Jungkook. As the people around them started counting down for midnight, he had taken her hand and had run with her over a hill. With the fireworks exploding behind them he had taken her face in his hands and had kissed her. In the most passionate way.

     Reliving that moment brought chills to her spine and before she could second guess she jumped out of the bed, put on her running shoes and grabbed her house keys.

     She run. She run down the stairs of her building, run around the park until she got to Yoongi and Jungkook’s shared apartment in record time. She took a deep breath and pushed their name on the intercom. Once, twice, three times until Yoongi’s raspy from sleep voice answered.

     “Who the hell is it.”

     “It’s me, Y/N.” she replied a little out of breath. “Open the door.”

     “Y/N?” he exclaimed dumbfounded. “You better have an explaining for this.”

     “I do. Please, open the door. I need to talk to Jungkook.”

     There was a pause before the door finally opened. She climbed the stairs two at a time. Yoongi was already waiting for her, hair all over the place.

     “If you didn’t come here to tell him that you love him I’m going to call the police on you.” he threatened.

     Y/N smiled at him widely before jumping into his arms to give him a quick hug. “You can go back to sleep, Yoongi.”

     Without waiting for his reply she walked briskly towards Jungkook’s bedroom and opened his door quietly. She knew that he was still asleep, not even a cannon ball could wake him up at this hour.

   She tiptoed to his bed and layed beside him under the covers. He was beautiful even in his sleep, with his mouth open and a little bit of snoring. She put an arm around his chest, hugging him and waiting for him to feel her presence. It took him a few seconds.

     He turned to his side and put an arm around her body, engulfing her into his own. “Y/N.” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Is this a dream?”

     She smiled, putting a hand on his cheek. Enough waiting. Enough denying. “It’s not.”

     “You’re really here?” he asked with a doubtful and cute pout.

     “I am.” she whispered back. She snuggled closer to him.

     Jungkook then slowly opened his eyes only to find Y/N’s staring right back at him. His breath hitched. “Y/N.”

     “Hey.”

     “What are you doing here?”

     “What do you think?’ she smiled caressing the skin under his eye with her thumb. She wanted to kiss away those dark circles.

     “I’m not fully awake yet.” he admitted making her laugh.

     “Go back to sleep then.”

     “You’re staying here?” he asked his eyes already half closed.

     “Do you want me to leave?”

     He shook his head. “No. Stay right here.” he sighed contentedly as she snuggled closer, their nose grazing one another. “I haven’t slept well for days.”

     “I know.” she whispered, her breath fanning over his lips.

     “I’m really tired.” he whispered back inching closer.

     “I know.” she repeated.

     “I might be having hallucinations.”

     Y/N sighed, slightly annoyed. “You’re not.”

     “So if I kiss you, you’re not gonna disappear?”

     “I’m not.”

     “Good.” and then his lips were on hers.

     It was slow and gentle. They savored each other’s taste, long forgotten but still familiar. They trembled in each other’s arms and breathed the other’s breath. It was just as magical as Y/N’s dream. Just as magical as the first time.

     Once they separated she heard Jungkook sigh once again. “Please tell me you left Hoseok.” he pleaded, his voice unsteady.

     “I did.” she assured him hiding her face in the curve oh his neck. He smelled like beautiful memories.

     Jungkook stayed silent for a minute, hugging her closer to him, if that was even possible. “We have a lot to talk about.”

     “I know.” she nodded. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow at breakfast.”

     “Ice americano, grande with two extra shots?”

     She smiled against his skin. “And a chocolate muffin.”

     They listened to each other’s breathing until they started falling asleep once more. Both happier that they’ve ever been over the past month.

     “Y/N?” Jungkook suddenly called her.

     “Mmmh?” she mumbled half in the arms of Morpheus.

     “If this is your way of saying you love me too, it’s a little bit creepy.”

     “Shut up.”

📚BTS Fic Reads - 2021 April Jungkook

Some are new, some re-reads, while some are past reads that haven’t been reblogged yet. Fics are not mine. Credits go to all the writers. Please show them love by reblogging and/or commenting on their work 🥰.

April 2021 Reads Part 1:  Other Members

Ongoing Series -  will be in a separate post moving forward so I can better track.

Note: Most of fics have smut content. FOR MUSLIM READERS, THIS IS NOT RAMADAN-SAFE (only few fics are SFW).  A lovely reader requested for SFW fic recs so please enjoy these lists instead:

🌷 Fic Recs (SFW) Fluff/Angst Stories:

Part 1 (Recommended Authors + selected fics)

Part 2 (Recommended Fics) - Taehyung | Jungkook (the reader requested for these members)

Tip: If link doesn’t work, click on author and go to their masterlist

S - smut | F - fluff | A - angst | 🌷 - with reaction/review on some completed fics (if reading these help)

🥕 Jungkook Two-shots | Completed Series

Angel in the Darkness @icyhobi​ - series [11/11] | 54.4k | Mafia AU, Prostitute AU, Rehab Center Staff!Reader | A, S, F (reblog of old faves) 🌷

Before You Go @barefacedjiminbias​ - two shot [2/2] | 12k | Mafia AU, feat cruel mafia head Namjoon (OC’s brother), Doctor!OC, Friends to Lovers to Exes AU | A, F

Comfort Inn Ending @joonbird​ - series [7/7] | 49k | Idol AU, Break UP AU, Exes AU, Infidelity | A (very angsty), S (a reblog of old faves) 🌷

Cream & Sugar @gukslut​ - series [6/6] + drabble  | 36k | Coffee Shop AU, Barista AU, Escort AU, Enemies to Lovers, Jerk!Jungkook in the beginning | S, F, A 🌷  (a reblog of old faves)  

Falling For You (Falling From Grace) @sunshyngal​ - series [8/8] |15k | FWB AU, Enemies with Benefits, Coworker AU, Boxer AU | S, A, F 🌷

Finding Me Through You + Part 2 @ditttiii​ - two shot [2/2]  | 4.9k | Hybrid AU, hurt/comfort, Strangers to Friends, Friends to Lovers | F, A 🌷

Iris + Part 2 @namjoonchronicles​ - two shot | 9.2k | Break Up AU, Exes AU, kind of Tsundere Jungkook to Fuckboy Jungkook, CEO AU, Idiots to Lovers (I love this) | A, F 🌷

Kick in the Right Direction @/xiaokoo - drabble series[7/7] | 6.1k | Football Player!Jungkook x Mascot!Reader, Jock AU, College AU, Jock!JK | F

My Name is 01001010 01001011 + My Name is JK @someonewhowannadielol​ - two shot | 11.9k | Alien AU, Established Relationship, in the fic some humans were shipped to Alien!JK’s planet to permanently live | S, F 🌷

this is really cute 🥰! Alien JK is so earnest to find more about humans so he could be with her

Sugar & Coffee @jimlingss​ - series [23/23] | 101k | Patisserie School AU, Chef AU (students actually), Slice of Life, slight enemies to lovers (just ch 1) | Fluffiest fluff!  🌷

this was one my quarantine reads last year and finally got to scream about it in my fave-fics blog 🥰

Synchronicity @sehunpeachy​ - two shot | 14.5k | Office AU, Coworker AU, Neighbor AU | F, A, S 🌷

Take My Hands Now + Close the Door Now @manggojooz​ - series [12/12] + epilogue drabbles [2/2] | 32k | College AU, slice of life, supernatural (OC can feel pain of another person by touch), Playboy JJK, hurt/comfort  | F, A 🌷  #holygrailfics⭐

Keep reading

Someone - No One AU

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Extreme Sports AU | Slice of Life AU | Heavy Angst

Warning Death | Mentions of Suicide | Mentions of Depression (Please, do NOT read if these themes are sensible to you)

Word count 11k

Summary “He was the same man she encountered at the coffee shop the day her very first article was published. She remembered his black leather jacket, his bunny smile and his semicolon tattoo. Y/N had regretted not asking his number soon after he left the store. And she continued regretting it years later. She daydreamed about the handsome man from the coffee shop from time to time, but she had also surrendered to the fact that she would have never seen him again. So finding out that she had been a friend’s cousin away from him and that they were going to jump in tandem together, really made her believe in Yoongi’s words. She did live the picture perfect life.”

Disclaimer English is not my first language, beware!

A/N This is a “What if?” on No One, it is highly recommended to read it first! To be edited.

No One (main)

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

2010

     Professor Han’s lecture in Entrepreneurship turned out more interesting than Jungkook thought it would be. When he woke up at six o’clock that morning at the sound of his alarm, he had every intention of recovering at least a couple of hours sleep hiding in the last row of the conference hall. The night before, in fact, he had stayed out late again playing videogames with his roommates, too caught in the match to care about the time.

      However, after the first few boring minutes where the professor introduced the topic, Jungkook found himself hanging on his every word. Half an hour into the lecture and he had already taken three full pages of notes. Those around him seemed interested as well, everyone busy scribbling on their notebooks or typing away on their laptops. The room was completely silent.

     So the sound of his phone vibrating inside his bag, even if muffled, made Jungkook jump in surprise. He rummaged through his things with one hand, never diverting his gaze from the slideshow. Once he found the object in question he gave a quick glance to its screen before silencing the call and throwing the phone inside his bag again.

     It was his aunt, Ahreum. 

     It was quite strange, actually, for her to call him. They were quite close, yes, but they rarely spoke to each other over the phone. He wondered if he had forgotten some special occasion, was it her birthday? He made a mental memo to call her back once the lecture was over.

     However the phone vibrated three more times after that, to the point that he had to turn it off because he was starting to gather annoyed glances from those sitting beside him. 

     “Sorry.” he whispered clicking on the off button of his iPhone 4.

     Jungkook turned it back on only a couple of hours later, once he was back in his room and had grabbed a quick lunch at the cafeteria. To his shock, he found a total of 26 missed calls from his aunt and a few more from a number he didn’t recognize. 

     Slightly anxious, he hurriedly called Ahreum back, throwing his bag on the floor and sitting down on the edge of his bed. The woman answered after just two rings.

     “Jungkook.” she called him with a tone he couldn’t place but that made him feel uneasy.

     “Hey, sorry if I ignored your calls.” he said in a rush. “I was in class and couldn’t answer. Is everything okay?”

     There was a moment of heavy silence on the other side of the phone, in which the nineteen year old boy started having a very bad feeling.

     Ahreum suddenly let out a pained whimper. “Jungkook ...” she cried.

     “What happened?” he mumbled, his heart beating faster inside his chest. The woman couldn’t reply, now completely taken over by her sobs. “Aunt, what happened?”

     “Jungkook ...” she stuttered through her tears. “Your parents ...”

     She wasn’t able to finish the sentence before she was sobbing again, but somehow she didn’t have to. Jungkook’s mind went blank, his heart stopped for a moment and a strangled breath escaped from his mouth. His ears started to ring and he had to tighten his grip on the phone to not let it fall on the ground. His free hand went to his chest, pressing over his heart that started constricting painfully all of a sudden. His eyes started to water, he closed them tightly to try ease the burn.

     “Please ...” he whimpered. “Please don’t ...”

     Please don’t say it.

     “Jungkook ... They had an accident.” his aunt managed to say. “They ... they are dead.”

          The flight back home went in a blur. An hour after his call with Ahreum he finally managed to get out of his room and walk towards his shared small living room in a drunken state. His roommates noticed quickly that something was wrong because they all stood up from their seats on the couch to run to him.

     “My parents are dead.” he had said robotically, his eyes blank.

     His friends were the ones who booked his airplane tickets, prepared a small hand luggage and accompany him to the airport the very evening. One of them even offered to go with him because none of them had the courage to let him travel alone in that state.

     Jungkook couldn’t remember how he got in front of his aunt’s door. He had stayed silent and unmoving for the whole journey, his body following his friend automatically.

     It was only when Ahreum opened the door and he registered her swollen red eyes and her pain stricken features that he finally came back to reality. He almost fell into her arms, the very first tears running profusely down his cheeks. The two hugged each other tightly, clinging on one another while sobbing.

     “I’m sorry, Jungkook.” the woman cried. “I’m so, so sorry.”

     “Where’s Haneul?” he gasped suddenly, detaching himself abruptly from the hug. “She’s not ...”

     Ahreum shook her head quickly. “She wasn’t with them. She was at school. I managed to put her to sleep just a few minutes ago, she’s in my room.”

     Jungkook run past his aunt and up the stairs without a word, climbing the steps two at a time. Once in front of the bedroom door he paused, his hand wavering over the knob. He took a deep shaky breath and turned it open.

     The room was dark and his eyes took a minute to adjust. On the bed he could recognize the silhouette of a small body curled on its side. He slowly walked towards it, careful to not make any sound. He climbed on the mattress and lay under the covers, right beside the sleeping form of his sister. 

     As if sensing his presence, the twelve year old girl snuggled closer to his body, hiding her head in his chest and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. Jungkook looked down on her, hugging her back. She was still asleep.

     He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip to muffle a sob. He hadn’t seen his sister in months, since the last time he had come back from college for their father’s birthday. He had missed her everyday, but never in a thousand years he imagined this would be the reason he would hug her again. 

     It was when he felt his t-shirt getting wet on his skin that he realized that the little girl was silently crying in her sleep. And somehow that was when the reality crushed upon him.

     They were orphans.

2011

     The past year had been very difficult for Jungkook. After his parents’ funeral there were a lot of things he had to take care of and a lot of changes he and his sister had to get accustomed to. First of all, aunt Ahreum moved in with them to help out with things. She was the only close relative they had any real relationship with and the only one who really understood what they were going through, so it seemed only right for them to live together. 

     As the oldest son, Jungkook inherited all of his parents’ possessions, not only their savings but also the two story house he grew up in and both of their cars. All of a sudden, Jungkook found himself with a lot of money but with no parents.

     The hardest part of it all was acting strong for his sister’s sake. She was probably the one who felt their parents’ absence the most, she was only a little girl after all, she still fully depended on them. 

     After a few weeks of mourning, Jungkook and Ahreum tried to bring back some normality in their lives. The very first day Haneul went back to school, Jungkook spent the whole morning worried for his little sister. Since the funeral they had spent every moment together, Haneul clinging to him for comfort and him welcoming it, not seeing her for hours made him incredibly anxious. To make things worse, Haneul acted strange the whole ride back home. She kept silent, despite Jungkook’s attempts to make conversation and run into her room without a word as soon as they arrived. This went on for the rest of the week, worrying Jungkook and Ahreum to no end, until one Friday Haneul had a full blown tantrum, screaming and throwing all of her books and pencils to the wall. The boy didn’t know what to do, he had never seen her like that before. He run to hug her tight, trying to calm her down. They ended up crying into each other’s arms, until they fell asleep on the floor, drained of all energy.

     Things started getting a little better after that, at least for Haneul. It might have been because of the lightheartedness of her age, but she seemed to move on a lot faster than her brother did. Jungkook, on the other hand, after seeing his sister lose control the way that she did, started having frequent panic attacks to the point that he had to go drive to her school in the middle of her classes just to make sure she was okay and safe. He had trouble sleeping, lost appetite and the will to do anything but think about Haneul.

     Ahreum sat him down one night, when she finally had enough. She found him sitting on the floor beside the closed door of his sister’s bedroom, dark circles under his eyes and head lolling forward, nodding off.

     “You have to take care of yourself too.” she had said worriedly. “You have to move on with your life as well. We’ll be doing fine here, Haneul is doing fine. I’ll take care of her. But you have to move on.”

     And so he did. He tried. After a week of hesitation he decided to fly back to college. Haneul had been nothing but supportive, despite his concerns. She was smarter and braver than he was.

     Going back to his old routine felt strange and confusing. He had missed a lot of his classes and, even though most of his professors had been understanding, he quickly started to struggle to keep up. Ironically, that same struggle helped him keep his mind busy, so he dived headfirst into his studies. He had surrendered to the idea that he would be graduating late, the only thing he could do was to keep his grades up. That was the only thing he did. Study, eat and sleep. And sometimes watch some TV. He stopped going to the gym, stopped  playing games with his roommates, stopped going out for drinks with his friends. His bike had started collecting dust and dead leaves, untouched for weeks.

     Until one day, just like aunt Ahreum, his friends had enough of watching him waste away. They dragged him from his desk, ignoring his protests, and threw him in the backseat of a car, sitting on either side of him so that he couldn’t escape. They drove for more than an hour until they reached the countryside and all Jungkook could see were hectares of fields. They went trough an open gate with a big banner hanging on top that read in big capital letters: skydiving school.

     Before his parents’ death, Jungkook had talked about trying skydiving for a long time. His father was an adrenaline junkie himself, they had tried bungee jumping together a couple of years back and had promised themselves they would go skydiving for the first time together as well. That promise was, of course, long forgotten. Finding himself in front of a Twin Otter aircraft, parked on the airstrip, was a complete shock for Jungkook. He suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline pumping through his veins, making his fingers tingle with excitement. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt for a long time, an emotion that, at least for that day, erased all the bad ones.

     The fall itself was something indescribable, Jungkook had never felt anything like it. Flying up to the sky, all geared up, he felt the reality of his decision and it was scary and exhilarating at the same time. Once the door opened, 14 000 feet above the ground, he felt the cold wind hit him with force giving him goosebumps all over his body. It was a matter of seconds, one moment he was on the edge of the plane and then he was free falling. His brain had trouble understanding what was happening, a wave of rollercoaster emotions pervaded him. The first 60 seconds were thrilling. Then the instructor pulled the parachute open and he felt a sharp tug, slowing his speed short. From that moment on, it was like soaring through the sky. He felt free like a bird, flying with the wind surrounded by the beautiful scenery and the breathtaking view. He enjoyed the sudden change of temperature, the air getting warmer and warmer as they glided softly towards the ground. He enjoyed the quiet, the peace. 

     When he finally touched the ground, his mind mind finally processed what happened and a liberating feeling pervaded him. He fell on all fours and started crying. But it wasn’t for sadness, or grief or anger this time. He felt free.

2012

     Professor Lee was giving a propaedeutic class in Business Law, one of the most important courses in his third year as a Business Management major and Jungkook was set on acing it. Nevertheless, when he felt his phone vibrating inside the pocket of his pants, he didn’t hesitate to check who was calling him.

     The last time his phone had rang during a lecture inside the conference hall was two years ago. That time he had ignored the insisting calls of his aunt Ahreum and it didn’t turn out good. He had learned his lesson.

     His heart dropped seeing it was, in fact, her once again. He stood up rather abruptly from his second row seat, ignoring the annoyed glance the professor gave him, and quietly made his way to the exit. He answered the call as soon as the door was closed behind him.

     “Aunt?” he said, slightly apprehensive. “Everything ok?”

     He heard her sigh on the other side. “Jungkook, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you, but ...” she paused.

     “Don’t worry. What happened?”

     “It’s your sister. She’s not been feeling well these past weeks.”

     Jungkook furrowed his brows, confused. “Yeah, she told me she caught the stomach flu. I spoke with her just yesterday.”

     Ahreum sighed again, worriedly. “It’s not the flu.” she replied. “She’s been having stomach problems, yes. But she’s also been very drowsy, she was barely able to hold a glass of water the other day and ... her sight has been acting weird. I got worried.” she admitted, taking a calming breath. “I brought her to the doctor this morning.”

      “O-ok.” Jungkook mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “What did he say?”

     “He looked very concerned too.” Ahreum replied. “He prescribed her a lot of exams. It ... It looks serious, Jungkook.”

     The boy closed his eyes in worry. It felt like a deja-vu. “Do you want me to come home?”

     The woman sighed once more. “I think you should.”

     “I’ll get on the first flight.”

     Jungkook didn’t have the time to realize what was happening. Everything went downhill too rapidly. Haneul’s pediatrician got her admitted to the hospital just a couple days later, when he had called him in panic after he had found her fainted on her bedroom floor. 

     It was a revolving door of nurses and doctors after that, everyone at Haneul’s bedside. A few blood tests and an MRI scan later and the boy was told to prepare himself. The diagnose was clear and unmistakable. His sister had a brain tumor. It was uncommon at her age, they said, but it wasn’t rare either. Unfortunately the cancer was on an advanced stage, the treatment was going to be aggressive. There was nothing they could have done to prevent it, it was not their fault. All words that Jungkook failed to comprehend.

     That night, watching his sister sleep in her hospital gown, attached to all kind of wires, he cried like he hadn’t done in a while. Two years had passed since their parents’ deaths and Jungkook was foolish enough to think that the worst was over. Two years and he was just beginning to feel happy again, really happy. Two years to overcome the pain and the anger.

     And now, his sister, barely fourteen, was diagnosed with cancer. Haneul who had the annoying habit to steal all of his stuff and eat his biscuits. The girl who liked dancing in the middle of the living room, the one who broke her arm doing somersaults in the park. The one who loved to call him ‘my cool big brother’ in front of her friends. Haneul, his little sister.

     He sat beside her bed, his head in his hands, and sobbed, feeling the comforting hand of his aunt on his left shoulder. “If she dies, I’m not going to make it.”

2013

     All odds were against her, they’ve told him that. They did try to prepare him for this moment. They’ve tried everything, everything to save her. Yet, as Jungkook hugged the limp body of his little sister tightly in his arms, he couldn’t help but pray one last time. 

     The doctors had talked to him that morning, they said that the time had come, that all he could do now was to be with her. He almost punched one of them. How could they give up on her? But, deep down, he knew that they were right.

     It took the cancer only ten months, two weeks and three days to win over Haneul’s small body, almost a record. She got worse rather rapidly, the hallucinations taking over and all the energy quickly abandoning her. Over the last week she had been barely awake, just enough to give him a smile. The last.

     Jungkook hadn’t moved from her side, lying down next to her on the hospital bed, too conscious of her shallow breaths and too scared to leave her alone. Aunt Ahreum couldn’t stay in the room, she didn’t have it in her to watch her little nephew fade away. But, Jungkook stayed. He prayed. He prayed for a miracle, a big one. That someone, something, anything, would save her from death. But nothing happened. 

     So he waited, wondering if it was this second or the next. He waited for the moment his sister would die in his arms. Surrendering to the reality of things. He told her that it was okay, that she could go. He told himself that he was ready.

     He waited, caressing her smooth bald head, rocking her small frame.

     “It’s okay, baby girl.” he murmured, his eyes staring into the void, tears falling down silently over his shallow cheeks. “I understand.”

      Fifteen years old. 

      Haneul was only fifteen.

      He was supposed to give her the birthday letters he had been writing over the years in a few weeks, for her sweet sixteen, just like their mother had planned. She wanted to show Haneul that her brother had loved her since the very first day.

     Jungkook closed his eyes, resting his left cheek over her right temple. “I’m so sorry, Haneul. I wasn’t a good brother to you.” he sobbed quietly. “I should have stayed with you. You needed me and I abandoned you. I’m so, so sorry.” he took a deep breath, kissing the top of her head. “I hope you can forgive me. I love you.”

     Ten months, two weeks and three days weren’t enough to prepare him for the scary sound that came soon after, not even if he tried so hard to convince himself that he was prepared. He wasn’t.

     They were inside the room just a second later, as if they were ready. Jungkook stared at them wide eyed as the beeping sound rang through his ears. He looked down to her sister, still in his arms. He counted five seconds in his head and looked for any sign, a movement. But he could tell, she had stopped breathing.

     “H-Haneul?” he called her, shaking her slightly. “Haneul?”

     She is just sleeping.

     He felt a hand on his shoulder, a voice calling his name slowly. “Jungkook ...”

     He turned around, his body shaking in agony. It was Haneul’s doctor, looking at him sadly. “N-no. No. Please, do something.” he turned again, looking at the others standing by the door. “Please. Do something.”

     No one moved.

     He looked down once more, the sobs taking over him. Haneul looked peaceful, so small next to his body.

     Just sleeping. She is just sleeping.

     Fifteen years old.

     The doctor turned off the monitor swiftly, putting an end to the excruciating beeping noise. 

     “No ...”

     She is just sleeping.

     The funeral was over in a heartbeat. Jungkook was only physically there. He felt empty inside.

     They had buried her right next to his parents, a little white marble tombstone with a few cursive words engraved on it: sky, heaven. 

     He had chosen them. He couldn’t think of anything else but that, her name. But he thought it fitted her nonetheless.

     He looked at the wooden box in his hands. It contained Haneul’s birthday letters. He had planned to get it buried with her, but changed idea last minute. He wasn’t sure why but he couldn’t find the courage to let go of it.

     He looked back at the gravestones. His mother, his father and his sister.

     They all had left him. He was alone.

2014

     Jungkook sealed the letter tightly. Today was supposed to be Haneul’s sixteenth birthday, this letter was supposed to be special. Indeed, it was.

     No One. His new friend. 

     He smirked to himself. “I’m ridiculous.”

     He got up from his place on the floor and stumbled drunkenly to his desk where he had left the wooden box. He had added a few things to it over the past year. Dried flowers, pictures, tickets. Things he taught his sister would have liked. He put the envelope on top of the others before closing the lead with care.

     It was almost midnight and his apartment was immersed in darkness, just the flickering light of his bed lamp to illuminate the room. He walked unsteadily back to the end of his bed, a half empty bottle of beer in a hand, letting himself fall on it with a thud.

     Jungkook was drunk. Had been for days probably. The empty bottles were abandoned all over the house. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten, or the last time he had taken a shower. He couldn’t recall if he had called sick at work or not. He wasn’t even sure where the phone was. Not that he cared, really. For all that mattered, they could fire him. What was he working for, anyways?

     What was the purpose of it all?

     No one cared for him and he had no one to care for.

     “I’m all alone in this big, big world.” he giggled, emptying the bottle in one gulp.

     He had done the math that morning. It was easy even in his drunken state. It had been four years since his parents had left him and a little over a year since his sister had died in his arms. All gone.

     Aunt Ahreum? Aunt Ahreum was useless. All she could do was worry and worry and worry about him. All day, all week.

     What was there to worry about? 

     “Useless.” he repeated to himself. “She’s useless. Everything’s useless. And I’m the most useless of them all.”

     He turned to look at the closed door. Behind it was the corridor that led to the rest of the apartment. To the kitchen and to the bathroom. To the cutlery drawer and to the medicine cabinet.

     He closed his eyes, letting the now empty bottle fall on the wooden floor to join the others and preparing himself for the same sad game he had been playing since that afternoon. 

     “Knife. Pills. Knife. Pills. Knife. Pills.”

     A cut was painful, but he wasn’t good with taking down pills.

     “A rope?”

2015

     After a year in which Jungkook let himself get overwhelmed by the darkness, he could now finally say that he was slightly doing better. He wasn’t sure what changed but, one day he realized that if he didn’t even have the courage to end his life, he might as well live it. It wasn’t easy getting out of the tunnel of depression and he wasn’t sure he was really out of it. It was a silent battle he decided to fight on his own. None of his past therapists had been able to help him, his friends didn’t seem to notice his struggle and, besides, he didn’t want them to share his burden. 

     He hid behind the joy of skydiving, the adrenaline of falling in the air helping him. He set a goal to keep himself going: reach 500 jumps. Every flight was one step closer to freedom and everytime he opened his parachute was a win against his monsters.

     Haneul’s seventeenth birthday coincided with Jungkook’s 250th jump, which meant that he was halfway through becoming a skydiving instructor. To celebrate the occasion, he decided to do something he had set his mind upon a long time ago, since his bad boy teenage years: get a tattoo. At first he wasn’t sure what he wanted to get inked, but then, one day, he remembered a girl he had met outside his last therapist’s office. He heard her explaining her new tattoo to the secretary. It all started as a non profit project some year past, a small punctuation mark to wear with pride. A symbol of survival: a semicolon.

     He knew he hadn’t reached his goal just yet, but he wanted to give himself a reminder that, one day after the other, he could choose not to put an end to his sentence, to his life.

     So, that’s what he did. After wandering aimlessly around the city, he entered the first tattoo shop he encountered and asked for a simple yet brave request. 

     A black semicolon on his wrist.

     In that brief moment it took the artist to draw the symbol on his skin, he thought about all the times he opened his parachute at the very last minute, the times he had emptied the bottle of his antidepressants on his hand, the times he laid the point of a knife on his wrists. And through the pain of the needle pinching his skin, he promised himself he would do better.

2016

     Most days were good. Most days Jungkook felt happy. 

     And then there were days that he was not. There were days that it wasn’t just melancholy, it wasn’t just him missing his family, it wasn’t just him feeling lonely. It was all of the above and more.

     Those days were overwhelming. Those days were hard.

     Those days Jungkook felt like a failure. Just when he thought he was finally over the darkness, one morning he would wake up submerged by it once again. And getting out of it got harder and harder. 

     Today was one of those days.

     Today was his last jump before obtaining his instructor license. He had tried to fight the heavy feeling hovering on his chest, tried to ignore the evil voice whispering in his ear. He pretended to be thrilled, to be excited as his coworkers congratulated him. He put on a smile getting on the small plane, ready to take off.

     He controlled his gear once again. He was sure he had secured it, but he controlled nonetheless. Parachute and altimeter, all on set. 

     He closed his eyes, feeling the aircraft rumble trough the airstrip, and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He tried, he really tried, but it didn’t matter how hard he thought about happy things, the bad ones just kept overpowering the others. 

     When he jumped, 14 000 feet off the ground, his eyes were still sealed. He counted in his head 60 seconds, the approximate time that he knew it took him to reach the right altitude to open his parachute.

     59, 58, 57.

     It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

     53, 52, 51.

     You have your aunt, she loves you very much.

     46, 45, 44.

     Your friends love you too. They care about you.

     32, 31, 30.

     He could just do it. Put an end to it all. Who was he kidding? He was not doing okay. It was all pretend. He had no one to count on. His parents were dead. His sister was dead. And he was a failure. A failure as a son and as a brother. He failed to take care of his little sister. He abandoned her. She was dead, he was alive. He didn’t deserve it. He was the one who was supposed to die, not her. His life ... his life had no value, but hers did. She still had a lot to do. He took that opportunity from her.

     10, 9, 8.

     He fought, he fought hard, a hand tight over the handle of the parachute, ready to pull it. Ready to save himself.

     I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

     I’m not a failure. I’m not a failure. I won’t fail them.

     He pulled the string with all of his force, letting out a pained scream that got lost in the wind. His flight slowed down in that known canopy ride. He slowly opened his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheek. The sky was of a beautiful blue, white clouds painted artistically on it. Beneath him, a sheet of green, yellow and brown. He imagined his father’s hand on his shoulder, reassuring him. He imagined his mother humming a peaceful song in his ear to calm him, his sister smiling widely at him, telling him she loved him.

     I can do this. I won’t fail them.

     A couple of weeks later, Jungkook finally found the courage to go to the cemetery and visit his family’s graves. It was the first time since Haneul’s funeral, three years ago. He knew his aunt went regularly and it was evident thanks to the fresh flowers and the pristine tombstones.

     When he decided to go he hadn’t made a clear plan on what to do. He didn’t know if he was supposed to talk to them out loud or else. He felt weird and he wasn’t sure it did him any good.

     He ended up leaving soon after he had arrived and driving around the city on his motor bike, lost in his thoughts.

     While waiting on a stoplight he noticed a nice coffee shop and suddenly realized he had a craving for something sweet, he had skipped breakfast after all. He parked right in front of the store and hang his helmet on the handlebar, planning on making just a quick stop.

     The place was well decorated with wooden furniture and green plants that gave it a cozy feeling. There was only a lady in line in front of the cashier and Jungkook couldn’t help but notice her. She was all jittery, dancing on the balls of her feet, making her hair bounce softly.

     “Two iced americanos, one caramel macchiato and one flat white.” he heard her order in a sweet voice. “Oh, and one hot chocolate with extra cream, please. And marshmallows if you have them, thanks.”

     He watched her pay and move to the right where another waiter had started preparing her order. He could hear her humming and it made him smile. She was clearly having a good day.

     “I’ll get the same thing as the lady.” he found himself saying. “Not all of it. Just the hot chocolate part. To go, please.”

     The woman turned her head around at the sound of his voice and he could finally get a look at her face. She looked young, probably around his age, and was undeniably beautiful. He felt her studying him as well and he smiled.

     She smiled back. “Marshmallows are indispensable.” she said.

     “Only when paired with cream.” he grinned.

     “I see you’re a man of good taste.” she replied tilting her head slightly.

     “It takes one to know one.”

      They looked at each other for another moment, without saying a word before the waiter interrupted the comfortable silence by calling both of their orders. Jungkook lingered for a moment, pondering whether he should help her with her heavy tray. But before he could act on his thought the woman picked it up easily and looked up at him again.

     “Have a nice day.” she smiled once more at him.

     He sighed internally, strangely disappointed, and picked up his hot paper cup. “You too.”

     Driving away from the coffee shop, Jungkook found himself regretting not asking for that girl’s number.

2018

     This was the best day of her life. Y/N was sure of it.

     She had just been promoted to senior journalist at her newspaper, which was a hell of a big thing seeing that the competition was fierce and she had less work years on her curriculum than others. Apparently, someone thought she deserved it. And damn well, she did!

     It wasn’t common for a 24 year old woman to achieve such a position for a major newspaper. Not even if she slept with the director himself - which she didn’t.

     If she had to be honest, she was completely caught by surprise. Not because she doubted her abilities, but because she had already prepared herself for years of being underappreciated. So, when she read the email, she actually cried.

     “I can’t believe how lucky you are.” Yoongi had commented, sipping on a glass of red wine. He was, of course, the first person she called after her parents. “You literally live the picture perfect life.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “Where to start,” he said ironically. “Best internship? You got it. Dream job? You got it. Your own apartment? Have you seen this place?” he listed on his fingers. “Big promotion at 24? Hell, yeah.”

     “Maybe I’m just that good at what I do.” she winked at him.

     “Okay. Let’s dig dipper.” Yoongi answered, putting down his glass on the table and starting counting on his other hand. “You have great parents who always supported you and had raised you damn well for being an only child.”

     “Thanks.”

     “Your first kiss was with none other than Kim Taehyung, who is Gucci’s current favorite male model.” he continued.

     “I should have kept in touch with him.” she nodded pensively.

     “You lost your damn virginity with our school’s most popular boy, Kim Seokjin.”

     “We both know how that ended.”

     “Yeah, but he’s the only exception, really.” Yoongi pointed out. “Every other story you had since you left him were completely peaceful. What’s with that? No drama at all! You literally have the record for most peaceful breakups!”

     Y/N laughed. “That’s because I am great at choosing people to be with. Look at you, you are my friend.”

     Yoongi nodded agreeingly. “Yeah, that too. You have the perfect best friend.”

     “That you are.” she rolled her eyes, amused. “Anyways,” she added, lifting her own glass of wine. “Let’s make a toast to my picture perfect life!”

     Later that week, Namjoon had convinced the group that there was no better way to celebrate Y/N’s promotion than doing something completely crazy. Like skydiving. His cousin happened to work in the office of a skydiving center and she had been urging him to try for years, but he never had the courage. The others weren’t sure why that day he finally changed his mind, but his speech was so convincing that they found themselves signing the papers without realizing it.

     Yoongi, Jimin and Hoseok backed off just after the first hour of the lesson, some sense coming back to them. On the other hand, Y/N felt quite eager and excited. She never put too much thought on it, but she always liked the idea of skydiving. This would be her first try on anything more adrenalinic than a roller coaster, to be honest, so she was scared too. By the end of the lesson she felt so anxious and thrilled at the same time that she couldn’t utter a single word, only nodding or shaking her head to her instructor’s questions.

     Said instructor was one of the reasons Y/N felt so excited that morning. He didn’t seem to remember her, which was totally normal since the first and last time she had seen him was two years ago and for a total of five minutes. But he clearly left an impression because Y/N recognized him immediately.

     He was the same man she encountered at the coffee shop the day her very first article was published. He had ordered her same drink, a hot chocolate with extra cream and marshmallows. She remembered his black leather jacket, his bunny smile and his semicolon tattoo.

     Y/N had regretted not asking his number soon after he left the store. And she continued regretting it years later. She daydreamed about the handsome man from the coffee shop from time to time, but she had also surrendered to the fact that she would have never seen him again.

     So, finding out that she had been a friend’s cousin away from him and that they were going to jump in tandem together, really made her believe in Yoongi’s words. She did live the picture perfect life.

     She took it back soon after, though.

     The skydiving experience per se was incredible, like nothing she ever experienced. What went wrong was the aftermath. She was so drunk on the adrenaline that she made the stupidest, craziest, most unreasonable thing she could have ever done.

     She kissed him. Like hands planted on his face, kissed him.

     Needless to say, once the adrenaline rush was over, all she wanted to do was buy a shovel, walk barefoot to the most secluded place of the country and dig her 30 feet deep grave.

     As easily as that, what was supposed to be the most beautiful moment of her life became the most embarrassing. And if earlier that day she thought she could finally do what she couldn’t two years past, leaving the center - as she hid herself behind Yoongi’s not so big form - she was set on never thinking about his face ever again.

     Yet, as Hoseok started driving their car away from the parking lot, Y/N couldn’t help but hesitate. She had already regretted not going after him once and here was destiny, giving her a second chance. It wasn’t everyday that things like that happened, not with guys like Jungkook for sure. Besides, she already made a fool of herself, she had nothing to lose.

     “Stop!” she screamed scaring the hell out of Hoseok who hit the break hard by surprise.

     “What?!”

     “I’m going to ask for his number.” Y/N announced resolutely.

     She opened the car door and sprinted back to the center before she could change her mind.

     “This is even better than that time drunk Y/N had a cat fight with Namjoon’s ex girlfriend.” Yoongi said, laughing while watching his best friend from the side-view mirror.

     She found Jungkook at the front desk, chatting with another instructor, looking devilishly handsome in his suit. He was leaning on the counter with his elbow, drinking an energy drink as if it was beer. 

     She took a deep breath and walked to him with fierce. ‘Hi.”

     The man turned around at the sound of her voice, rising his brows in surprise. “Hi.”

     Y/N looked at him straight in the eyes, trying to overcome the embarrassment. “Would you like to go on a date with me?” she blurted.

     She watched as his eyes widened. She bit her lip, trying to ignore his colleagues who where enjoying the scene. Jungkook seemed to think about it, maybe a little to long and Y/N felt her cheeks redden, ready for the rejection. Yet, to her relief, after what felt an hour, he smiled.

     He leaned over the counter to grab a pen before taking her left hand in his. She followed his movements in awe as he carefully wrote his phone number on her palm. And then, ever teasing, he smirked down at her.

     The first thing Y/N did after getting inside Hoseok’s car, was to save Jungkook’s number to her contacts, she didn’t want to risk sweating on her palm and losing it.

     Now that she was finally back home, away from her teasing friends and finally able to reminisce about the eventful day in peace, Y/N found herself conflicted on whether she should call Jungkook now or wait for tomorrow. She didn’t want to appear desperate but at the same time she didn’t want to wait too long.

     Staring at her phone screen, she thought back at how sexy Jungkook had been, writing on her palm like that. It felt like a movie scene. She still couldn’t believe that she had met the handsome guy from the coffee shop again and that she had kissed him on a whim, on top of it all. 

     What if he gave her a fake number?

     “There’s only a way to find out.” she mumbled, picking up her cellphone from her kitchen table.

     Hi, she dialed. Simple.

     She started preparing dinner while she waited for his response, trying to stop herself from checking her phone every 5 minutes. She didn’t have to wait too long, though. She was just plating her steak when she heard the notification alarm go off and she almost flew across the room to get to her phone, out of excitement.

     “Hi.” the message read.

     “Is this Jungkook?” she replied quickly.

     “It is.”

     “I’m the girl who kissed you this morning.”

     “I figured.” he answered with three laughing emoticons.

     “Do you still like marshmallows on your hot chocolate?”

     “Are you a stalker?”

     Their first date took place two days later in a coffee shop near the skydiving center. Jungkook’s agenda was full and the only free time he had that week were two hours in between two dives. Y/N took it, it didn’t matter if she had to drive an hour to get to there.

     “I’m going to make up for it, I promise.” Jungkook said while paying for their orders. “I’ll pick you up next time.”

     Y/N tried not to get too excited thinking about a ‘next time’, she hadn’t been so giddy about a guy in so long and she didn’t want to get ahead of herself. “Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t too long of a drive.”

     She followed him to the nearest table. The place wasn’t anything fancy, it was quite spartan, in fact. It looked like an old family business, with outdated furniture, simple menus and loyal clientele. Y/N didn’t mind, their cappuccino was actually quite good.

     “So,” she started after a moment of awkward silence. “For how long have you been a skydiving instructor?”

     “A couple of years.” he answered curtly, taking a sip from his ice americano.

     “Cool.” Y/N quipped back. “And what got you into it?”

     “I love the adrenalin. I feel like flying.”

     “Yeah. I get that. Does it always feel the same, even after all the times you’ve done it?”

     Y/N grimaced internally. The conversation was sounding more and more like an interview rather than two people getting to know each other. Surprisingly enough, Jungkook didn’t meet her expectations. The cool guy guise he had going on didn’t meet with this timid demeanor. The ability to read people was a requisite in Y/N’s line of work and she thought she was quite good at it. Just two minutes into their date and she quickly realized that Jungkook wasn’t a talkative person. He didn’t seem to be uninterested, he actually looked into her eyes while replying to her questions, listening. He just wasn’t the type to elaborate on things if not asked to - which was a bit counterproductive in this particular situation. Nevertheless, Y/N wasn’t one who was easily discouraged, she was going to find a subject with which he felt more comfortable.

     It turned out it wasn’t easy. His job clearly wasn’t it, he didn’t seem to have any hobbies either, apart from biking. When she tried bringing up his family, he distinctly looked uncomfortable so she quickly changed the subject onto college. Not it, either. Eventually, she ended up doing all the talking and Jungkook, turned out to be a good listener. She talked and talked about whichever came to her mind, watching his reactions, and, fortunately enough, he really did seem interested in her stories as he laughed and commented at all the right moments. 

     Yet, two hours later, when his break was finally over and he had to go back to work, Y/N wasn’t sure what to think of him. Was he interested in her? Or was he not? Because despite him being so introverted she still wanted to see him again. Besides, two hours weren’t enough to judge a person and, if anything, the mystery made him even more attractive to her eyes.

     Nonetheless, she still had some pride left in her. She had made all the moves, it was his turn now.

     To her delight, Jungkook didn’t waste a second.

     “There’s going to be a fair a week from now in a seaside town a few kilometers from here. It’s one of those things on the piers with lots of games and old ferries wheels. Do you wanna go?”

     Y/N beamed ear to ear. “That sounds so cool.”

     This second date went a lot better.

     Jungkook picked her up in the late afternoon with his motorbike, as handsome as always with his black leather jacket.

     The drive to the fair is long, but neither of them mind. Y/N had never been on a bike before and couldn’t stop herself from hugging his torso tightly out of fear the first few minutes. But, as the time went by, and she realized Jungkook wasn’t driving as fast as it seemed, Y/N started actually enjoying the ride. As she relaxed more and more against his back, Jungkook started speeding up a little, the engine roaring underneath their legs. Y/N found herself laughing, making him smile as well. He knew that euphoric feeling well, it somehow resembled that of jumping from a plane.

     The pier was packed with people and the atmosphere was nothing but cheerful. Y/N had never been in a fair this big, with so many beautiful lights, shops, games and whatnot. She felt like a kid. A ten year old kid high on sugar.

     She was a ball of energy. She wanted to see and do everything. Within the first ten minutes since they arrived, she had dragged Jungkook to the cotton candy stand, the duck pond game and the balloon and dart game, where she discovered that she had really bad aim. By her third try, Jungkook finally pitied her and took things in hand. That’s how she ended up with the first of many plush toys.

     For dinner they decided to get some corn dogs and cheese fries at a stand overlooking the sea. This time Jungkook looked a lot more at ease and actually made an effort to talk about himself. Y/N enjoyed all the little things he shared. 

     She learned that he really liked romantic movies, one of his favorites being “The Notebook”, and that he had actually cried watching it. He wanted to learn how to play the guitar, but never got himself into buying one. He told her about his fears of microwaves and his fixation with laundry detergent, he laughed admitting that he had secretly bought a pair of those weird socks, those with toes, and actually found them quite comfortable.

     Y/N really had fun that evening. If Jungkook had looked like a cold one at first, by the end of the night he was anything but. He was sweet and attentive, lending her his jacket when the wind blowing from the sea started getting colder. He was smart and opinionated as they discussed about the latest front page article the newspaper she worked for had released. He was witty, funny even, in a very timid kind of way. He could look intimidating with his good looks, ear piercings and tattoos, but he was actually very cute and timid, a dichotomy that Y/N found endearing.

     On their way back home Y/N finds herself daydreaming about a goodnight kiss. The two had shared a couple of innocent touches throughout the evening, even holding hands as she pulled him towards the children’s rollercoaster, and she had indeed felt that little sparkle at the bottom of her stomach. The date had went well, at least she thought so. A kiss at her front door would have been the perfect ending to a great night.

     Yet, as they said their goodbyes, as she gave him his helmet back, Y/N’s expectations were disappointed.

     “I had fun tonight.” she said, grabbing her keys from her purse.

     “Me too.” Jungkook smiled sweetly at her. “Haven’t enjoyed myself that much in a while, actually.”

     Y/N grinned. Something deep inside told her it was kind of a big deal. “Yeah? I’ll take all the credit, if you don’t mind.”

     He giggled. “That you do.”

     An awkward silence followed in which both of them seemed to wait for the other to make a move. They waited and waited until the right moment passed and the situation got too embarrassing.

     “Well, thanks for the ride.” Y/N said after a while.

     “N-no problem.” Jungkook replied, scratching the back of his neck.

     “I guess I’ll see you around then.”

     “Sure.”

     Y/N gave him a very awkward wave and walked to her building, internally scolding herself. But then, just as she was about to close the door behind her, she heard Jungkook calling her back. She looked up at him curiously, still standing on the sidewalk where she had left him.

     “Are you free next Monday night?” he asked hurriedly, biting his lip worriedly.

     Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. She felt like they were back in high school, still new to the world of dating. He was just too cute, all awkward and dancing on the balls of his feet.

     “I very much am.”

     That Monday, Jungkook took her out for dinner in a fancy restaurant. He had showed up at her apartment wearing a white button down and black tailored pants that fitted him perfectly. He had brought her flowers, a beautiful composition of lilies that took Y/N’s breath away.

     She too had decided to dress up. She wore her so called battle dress: red and strapless that made all of her curves justice. Paired with black stilettos she was ready to leave an impression. And that she did. Jungkook couldn’t take his eyes away from her.

     “You look very beautiful tonight.” he had told her after giving their orders to the waiter.

     “You look very handsome as well.” she had flirted.

     After spending the weekend texting each other at any given minute, Jungkook had finally started getting a little more confident, getting slowly used to Y/N’s more extrovert self.

     “I was a mess when I was little.” she was telling him that very moment, cutting through her steak. “There was this one time that I almost set fire to the house while making microwaved popcorn with my friends.”

     “Told you microwaves are dangerous.” he commented.

     “And I broke so many bones when I was little.” she continued, smiling at the memory. “When I was 11 I broke my ankle playing at the park. There was this little girl who was pretending to be a ballerina, twirling around in the playground. I had been taking dance lessons since I was 8 and I really loved it, so I joined her and we pretended to be on a big stage with props and all. Anyways,” she laughed. “There was this wooden castle with swings and a slide which was a perfect setting. Little did we know that it was actually under maintenance, with chains and stops signs that we failed to acknowledge, too occupied with our ballet. Moral of the story we both fell into a hole, seven meters from the ground. I think she broke an arm.”

     Jungkook let out an audible gasp, making her look up from her dinner. “When was this?” he whispered.

     “I told you, I was 11. Why?” she furrowed her brows. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

     “Was she your age? The other girl, I mean.”

     Y/N shook her head. “She was definitely younger, maybe 6 or 7. Are you ok?” she was starting to get worried, he looked a little pale.

     “Do you remember what she was wearing?” he mumbled, looking at her with his eyes big as saucers.

     Y/N suddenly giggled because, as strange as it might have been, she actually did. “Of course, she had a very sparkling purple tutu. It was one of the reasons she caught my attention.”

     Jungkook gulped. “I think that was my sister.”

     Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise. “What? Really? That’s so cool! Do you think she’d remember me?”

     “She died.” he replied almost automatically, making Y/N’s smile drop. “Five years ago.”

     “I’m so sorry.” she whispered, her heart aching for him. “It must have been very hard for you and your parents.”

     “They’re dead too. A car accident when I was 19.” Jungkook revealed.

     Y/N didn’t know what to say, completely taken aback. She never expected a news like this. “Shit, Jungkook.”

     The boy looked up at her, getting back to reality. He grimaced, seemingly embarrassed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to drop it on you like that.”

     “You don’t have to be.” she tried to reassure him. “It’s my fault, I guess.”

     “It is a weird coincidence, though.” he said in an afterthought. “That you and my sister met all those years ago. What are the chances?”

     “Yeah.” she smiled slightly. “Might be destiny.”

2019

     It hadn’t been easy for Y/N to make Jungkook open up to her. It didn’t take her long to realize that he had a lot of baggage, a lot of heavy ones, and she had to admit it did scare her. The two of them were polar opposites. Where he was reserved she was outspoken, where he was cautious she was impulsive. His life had been a continuous challenge, whereas hers was nothing but perfect.

     The first time he really opened up to her, Y/N’s automatic response was crying. She had tried not to because she wanted to show him strength, but she couldn’t help it. Jungkook had sadly dried her tears as he told her about how difficult the last years had been, as he explained the meaning behind his semicolon tattoo and how many times he had struggled to maintain his own promise. He had given her an exit, telling her that he understood if she didn’t want to deal with his troubles. It was only for a brief moment, but Y/N had to admit that a part of her wanted to take that offer. Yet, she didn’t. She was already too much into him to let him go.

     The first few months she was the one who took the lead in their relationship. She didn’t mind, she understood why he was so wary. He had told her about his ex partners, about how his past had played a great part in their breakups. Yet, Y/N showed to be very different from the very beginning. She never pressured him, showing him patience and adapting to his own pace, and he never failed to show her how grateful he was for it.

     Y/N made Jungkook laugh, she had the weird ability to take away his worries. He felt carefree around her, light and cheerful. He soon realized that he craved for her presence. She was like the sun. 

     They got adventurous together. Every other week they would hop on Jungkook’s motorbike and ride across the country to go on hikes or picnics, to visit new cities and discover new places. She tried bungee jumping and hang gliding for the first time and he took her skydiving with him once again. Y/N had never felt more alive and, to her ignorance, Jungkook felt exactly the same. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so happy, really happy, like the way he felt when he was with her. He stopped having nightmares, stopped seeing everything in grey, stopped pretending his smile in front of others. And his change didn’t went unnoticed.

     Four months into dating Jungkook introduced Y/N to his aunt, Ahreum, his only living family. Y/N loved her, she was witty and intelligent and obviously cared for her nephew very much. The woman told her that she was the first one he ever brought for her to meet and that it probably meant that she was very special. She told her she was very thankful because Jungkook finally looked like the beautiful boy she once remembered, the one he was before he had lost everything. Y/N felt really emotional at her words, a little bit pressured but also very honored.

     The first time Y/N realized she was in love with him was when he told her he wanted to try the wingsuit. He had explained it to her excitedly, showing her pictures and videos on his phone, telling her that it was even better than skydiving, that it really was like flying. She wanted to be as thrilled as he was, show him her support, yet all Y/N could think about was how scary it looked. It was fascinating, yes, but it was undoubtedly very dangerous. The moment she felt real fear for his life, fear of losing him, was the moment she knew she had fallen in love with him. She had blurted the three words out, just like her style, the very moment she realized her feelings, interrupting Jungkook’s rumbling. His ears turned bright red, a big smile opening on his face, but he didn’t say it back. Instead, he made love to her until she fell asleep in his arms.

     Jungkook openly reciprocated her feelings only months later, when Y/N had finally given up on hearing the words out loud. She compensated by telling him ‘I love you’ every chance she got. 

     Almost a year into their relationship, on his dead sister’s birthday, Jungkook confessed his last secret: the letters. He had kept the wooden box to himself, never quite ready to reveal this side of him, to show her tangible proof of the dark moments he had lived. They had read them together, snuggled in his bed and sipping on some red wine. They had laughed realizing how many times their lives had crossed over the years, she cried going through Jungkook’s tear stained writing with a finger. 

     That same day, on Haneul’s 20th birthday, Jungkook asked Y/N to accompany him to the cemetery. 

     Standing in front of the two gravestones, hand in hand, Y/N saw the man crying for the very first time.

     “I’m in love with you.” he sobbed making her heart skip a beat. “You took away my fear. I’ve been scared for years, Y/N. Since my parents died, since I lost my sister. I was scared of life, all this time I was scared of living.” he confessed, looking down on their intertwined fingers. Y/N felt her eyes water, aching for his words. “You brought back the light into my life. And I know it isn’t easy being with me, I know I’ve been a burden and that I still am. I am.” he insisted as Y/N started shaking her head. “I know I still have a lot of work to do and I’m not sure it does ever really end. But I wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have met you and that I sincerely believe our lives were meant to cross each other. I’m sorry for taking too long to say it back, but I really, really, love you Y/N. I really do.”

2022

     Y/N walked carefully through the pathways. Despite all the years, she still couldn’t remember the way and she didn’t want to get lost in a cemetery. She had brought with her three simple bouquets and a book. Her book.

     Jungkook was waiting for her at his family’s gravestones. It was his sister’s birthday and just like every year he had gotten ahead to have a little alone time with her. He had made it a tradition, he had stopped writing her letters and had started visiting her tomb instead. He still didn’t like speaking to her out loud, he still found it uncomfortable, but he liked making great conversations with her inside his head. He would tell her trivial things, like how his day went or his plans for the future. Most times he would tell her he missed her.

     He turned around, hearing someone approaching and smiled at the sight of his fiance. He reached out a hand that Y/N took readily. “Hey, you.”

     The woman gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Hey you, too.”

     “Is that it?” he asked with a smile, eyeing the book she was holding.

     Y/N nodded, setting the flowers down on the stones. “It is. Fresh off the press. I wanted you to have the first copy, it’s your story after all.”

     Jungkook looked down at the volume now in his hands. He still remembered clearly the day Y/N had tentatively shared her idea of writing a book about him. It was shortly after he had decided to quit his job at the skydiving center. He had gotten into an almost fatal accident with the wingsuit, his emergency parachute opening just in time for him to end up with both arms broken and not splattered against the face of a mountain. Y/N had threatened, dead serious, to leave him if he ever gave her another scare like that, saying that she had enough of praying that he would land safely in once piece everytime he wore his suit. As it turned out, Jungkook had grown tired of it too. By the time he was discharged from the hospital, with months of physical therapy ahead of him, he had made up his mind: the adrenalin of jumping from a cliff wasn’t worth the risk of living a life without Y/N. He still skydived, from time to time of course, but not as frequently as before. He realized that he finally cared about his life again. 

     Sharing this realization with Y/N one night, the woman found the courage to talk about the little project she had in mind, one that she had been scared to voice out loud in fear of his reaction. She wanted to write a book, a biography of Jungkook’s life. The journalist in her couldn’t help but acknowledge the fact that this was indeed a great story to be told. A story of loss and rebirth.

     Some time after they started dating, Y/N convinced Jungkook to give therapy another chance, this time really believing in its purpose and really willing to open up. The process had been long and definitely not easy, he had to go through a lot of ups and downs, until one day he realized all of his anger towards those who had left him and toward those who had taken them away from him had dissipated. 

     As Y/N feared, Jungkook hated the idea of the novel at first. They fought, harder than they ever did. He got really angry, accusing her of wanting to make an income out of his suffering. She had tried to explain that she never meant to mention his name nor any of those of his family, that she wanted to use fictional characters, but Jungkook didn’t want to hear any of it. They didn’t speak for weeks, Y/N even sleeping at Yoongi’s apartment to avoid the heavy atmosphere. She really thought she had ruined everything, worrying that he would go back to those dark places because of her.

     To her surprise, it was Ahreum who came to her help. Jungkook had told her about the reason why the two of them where on the verge of breaking up and the old woman had voiced her disapproval. She actually liked the idea of their story being told, she thought that if anything it gave meaning to all of their pain. Besides, she thought it could help others going through the same things he had gone through.

     His internal conflict wasn’t easy to get over to, but at the end, thinking about how he had struggled alone all those years, how he thought no one could understand him, how he had wished he had someone to rely to, Jungkook finally changed his mind. And one night he showed up at Yoongi’s apartment, looking for his girlfriend, his wooden box of memories under one arm.

     More than a year had passed since then and both Y/N and Jungkook looked forward to the book’s publishing. They had chosen a simple yet significant tile for it: ‘Someone’.

     “Can you believe it’s finally done?” Y/N asked him.

     “You’ve done a very good job.” Jungkook said kissing the crown of her head.

     “You too, my brave, brave man.”

     Jungkook smiled at the nickname, one that Y/N loved to use but that he never felt his. She never failed to see the better in him, she never failed to remind him that he was enough and even more. She saved his life, he had told her as much just the night before, kneeling on one knee with a diamond ring in his hands. 

     “You really are my ‘someone’, do you know that?”