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Snapdragon - Preview

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre College AU | Fratboy AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Cheating

Release Sept. 8, 10pm ca (CET)

Summary Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were starting to sting. What’s happening to me? Y/N finally took a trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him in the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

©️ dfdph, 2020

First of all, I would like to thank all of those who liked and reblogged this preview to my first BTS fanfic! I really appreciate it!

Unfortunately, I’ll have to postpone the release by 24h because it’s coming out much longer than I anticipated! I’m really sorry!

See you on Sept. 9, 10pm ca (CET)!

D.

Snapdragon - Preview

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre College AU | Fratboy AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Cheating

Release Sept. 8th, 10pm ca (CET)

Summary Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were starting to sting. What’s happening to me? Y/N finally took a trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him in the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

©️ dfdph, 2020

Snapdragon

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre College AU | Fratboy AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Cheating

Word count 18.5k

Summary Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were also starting to sting. What’s happening to me? Y/N finally took a deep trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him in the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

A/N Beware of poetic license and heavy citations. To be edited.

Daffodil (sequel) | Freesia (drabble)

©️ dfdph, 2020 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Part 1

     Nov. - Dec.

     November came with the wind and the colors of autumn. As per usual, the campus’ most loved café, the one near the big fountain, was packed with college students. Y/N was spending her Thursday afternoon doing her favorite hobby: drawing on her black sketchbook with a good cup of hot chocolate - with extra cream and marshmallows - in front of her. Her current subject was a young girl who was napping under a tree, an open book on her legs. She was just highlighting the shadows on her cheeks with her pencil when a sudden boisterous laugh caused her to smudge the paper in surprise. She pouted in annoyance and searched for the source of the noise. Two tables across from hers was a small group of boys, one of them was sitting with his back to her, his head thrown back in laughter. In front of him a boy with plump rosy lips was narrating something with grand gestures. Y/N sighed and smiled lightly. She was well aware of who those boys were - and she was not the only one. 

     The one nearest to her was known among students as one of the most beautiful man to be walking on campus. Kim Taehyung was majoring in Photography and was vice president of the student newspaper. He always carried with him his expensive camera and was often seen capturing every kind of thing, from random strangers to the colorful sky. His favorite subject were, of course, his friends. At first glance he seemed very intimidating but Y/N knew that he was in fact a very friendly social butterfly and was acquainted with the majority of the student body. On his right, just like always, was Park Jimin, the one who was doing the comedian. He was president of the student newspaper and legend said that he knew everything about everyone. He was just as handsome as his best friend and was famous for organizing great parties in the apartment they shared. Next to him was a cold looking man with pale skin and dark hair. With a major in Genetics, Min Yoongi shared many of Y/N’s classes over the years and participated in a couple of projects together. He was now taking his Master’s and, as rumor has it, was going to work for a major research laboratory at the end of the year. Y/N wouldn’t be surprised if that was true because she remembered him as a very intelligent, practical and straightforward kind of man. Truth be told, she admired him a whole lot. At last, was Jeon Jungkook, the one who was laughing his head off. He was the captain and the quarterback of the varsity team, the star of the campus. He also happened to share the same Major in Biology with Y/N and - despite his undeniable good looks, fame and frat membership -, going against all clichés, he was actually a great student and his GPA was one of the highest amongst his friends. 

     This small group was, of course, very well known inside the campus.

     Y/N looked back outside the window. The girl she was portraying had woken up and was packing her things in a rush. Her subject now gone, she gave her wrist watch a glance and decided it was time for her to go home as well. She finished her hot chocolate in one gulp, put her sketchbook and pencil inside her bag, and gave the waiter, Hoseok, a quick wave as she stood up. Walking by the table of the four boys she saw Yoongi looking her way. She gave him a small smile in acknowledgement which he sincerely returned. This seemed to gain Jungkook’s attention who turned his head in her direction. Recognizing her as Y/N, the Physiology professor’s beloved TA and most likely to be valedictorian of their year, he also gave her a dashing smile and waved energetically. She giggled back, waving as well before heading to the door. On her way out, three other students greeted her politely and before she could reach her apartment she was stopped by two classmates needing some help with the latest assigned paper. 

     Apparently, she wasn’t invisible herself. 

     The Monday after, Y/N was working her four-hour shift at the book shop. She had this job since freshman year and had always enjoyed it. It wasn’t only for the employee discount - that she had used abundantly - but also because she found reorganizing books alphabetically quite relaxing. A perk that was essential amidst her busy schedule. 

     Y/N has always been a devoted student, she liked learning new things and she liked the sensation of setting new goals and reaching them. It wasn’t a surprise when she became high school valedictorian and earned a scholarship from three different colleges. The one she was attending - obviously the first on her list - offered a great Biology program, perfect for her plan to enter Med School. Y/N was one of those girls who knew early on what she wanted to become as an adult: a heart surgeon - and had always worked hardly to reach this dream. Now a senior, Y/N had a GPA of 4.0, was for the second year in a row the TA of the most demanding professor of her faculty, published two research papers in a well known scientific journal, and was on her way to become valedictorian - again. 

     Needless to say, she had a lot on her plate. Fortunately, she learned to cut out some time for herself to prevent getting too stressed. Monday and Friday afternoons were for the bookstore; on Tuesday and Thursday early mornings she went for a therapeutic run in the park; and on Sundays she had her day off. She usually spent those playing games with her older brother, Seokjin, with whom she shared an apartment, or with her best friend Namjoon. 

     At the end of the day, Y/N could say that she was quite satisfied with her life.

     She was just rearranging the latest edition of the Lord of the Rings, sitting crossed legged on the floor, when someone clearing its throat caught her attention. She looked up to see none other than the football captain, Jungkook, perfectly styled hair and all. She frowned in surprise. Since she started working here, this was the first time seeing him in the bookshop. He was wearing his football varsity jacket and was carrying a small black duffle bag in one hand. From her place on the pavement, he seemed even broader and taller than usual, and if it wasn’t for the friendly smile he was showing, or the most endearing way he kept blowing away a strand of hair covering his right eye, Y/N could imagine he was what someone would call intimidating. It wasn’t only his physical appearance - even Y/N, who tended to overlook such things, could tell that he was a handsome young man - but the whole aura he emanated. She didn’t know him well, but it was common knowledge around campus how very smart, confident, committed and passionate he really was. Which was the reason why he was such a great leader, not only on the football field, but in the everyday life.

     “Hi.” she exclaimed standing up.

     “Hi, Y/N.” Jungkook smiled his notorious bunny smile. “Didn’t know you worked here.”

     “I’ve been since forever, actually.”

     “Really?” he replied slightly surprised. “Guess I’m not an avid reader.”

     Y/N smiled. “What can I do for you?”

     “I’m looking for a book” he stated matter-of-factly.

     Y/N looked around in an obvious manner, hundreds of shelves surrounding them. “You have to be more specific than that.”

     “Right.” Jungkook rolled his eyes at the ceiling. “This one.” he continued handing her a piece of paper.

     Y/N took a quick glance at it and at the girly handwriting. “Didn’t know you were interested in Botanics.” she commented motioning him to follow her. 

     “I’m not ... um ... it’s for my sister.”

     “Didn’t know you had a sister either.” she smiled getting on the tip of her toes, trying to reach a thick white book on the tallest shelf.

     “Let me.” he said easily grabbing the volume. “Is it this one?” he asked taking a look at it.

     “Yup. Come, I’ll put it in a bag for you.”

     They walked together to the counter and Jungkook quickly paid for his purchase. “Well, thanks then. That was easy.” he smiled again at her. “See you tomorrow in class?”

     “Yeah.” she smiled back. “How’s your paper going?” she asked on a second thought. “You must be one of the few that didn’t ask for my help.”

     Jungkook smirked. “That’s because I don’t need it. You might be the smartest one around, but I’m not so bad myself.”

     Y/N arched a brow at him but couldn’t find herself to disagree. “Guess you’re not. Maybe seven or eight places under me on the ranking, but no, you’re not that bad.” she joked. 

      “Let’s make that three or four.” he quipped back. 

     “Five or six, and that’s my final offer.”

     They stared at each other with feigned challenge before breaking simultaneously in a grin. “It’s always a pleasure, TA.” the boy said heading towards the door greeting her with a wave of his hand. “Thanks again.”

     “No problem, Cap. See you tomorrow.” Y/N greeted back.

     A few moments later, she was back on the floor organizing books in the fantasy section. 

     “Going for your run?” Seokjin asked her sister while pouring himself a cup of hot coffee. His eyes were still half closed and his hair was pointing in all directions. He clearly just got up from bed. He looked up at the clock on the wall: 5.25 am. “I can’t understand where you find the energy to get up this early.”

     “You’re up too, I believe.” she answered zipping up her wind jacket.

     “Because I’m bind by contract to show up at work before 7.”

     “That’s the nurse life for you. And if everything goes as planned it will be my life too.” she answered resolutely.

     “You’re still in time to change your mind.” he replied letting himself fall on the sofa. 

     “Never will. See you later, bro.” She was about to close the door behind her when she heard Seokjin call her back. “What?”

     “I forgot. You might want to change your usual route, heard they closed the city park for a few days. Tree maintenance, I believe.” he said in a yawn.

     “Oh, ok. I’ll just run around campus, then.”

     Seokjin gave her a the thumbs up, his eyes once again closed.

     Running was another favorite of Y/N’s. It allowed her to clear her mind and start the day with energy. She usually went to the park where the trail was more challenging and the landscape more pleasing, especially during this time of the year when the trees were of bright red, orange and yellow. With her earphones on, music blasting in her ears, she would run for an hour or so before going back home to take a shower and prepare for her morning classes.

     Remembering his brother’s advice, she turned left towards her college - only a block away from her apartment -, her new plan now running a couple of times around the inner perimeter of the campus. Being this her first - or maybe second - time taking this trail, she was surprised to not see anybody else jogging with her. She guessed that most of the college students weren’t kin on waking up this early to sweat, unlike her. This was a bit outputting at first and, she had to admit, a bit scary. She was used to encounter other joggers in the park and always felt safe somehow. So she decided to lower the volume of her earphones, ready to spring in case of emergency.

     The worst case scenario presented itself half an hour later, when lost in her thoughts Y/N didn’t hear the fast and heavy steps approaching her. When she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, she let out a scream and hastily turned around, her heart beating like a piston inside her chest. In doing so, she lost her balance and fell backwards on the concrete, hitting her bottom hard.

     “Oh my god! Y/N! Are you all right?!” a male voice boomed above her.

     Y/N looked up, somewhat breathless, a hand on her lower back. Now crouching next to her was a very worried Jungkook, dressed in sport shorts and a white T-shirt, sweaty strands of hair glued to his forehead. “Y/N.” he called her again. “Are you okay?”

     “Jungkook?” she stared at him dumbfounded. “You scared the hell out of me!”

     The boy grimaced. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to!” he exclaimed taking her hand in his, helping her up.

     “What the hell are you doing here at this hour?” Y/N asked accepting his help and wiping the dust away from her leggings. “I thought you were some serial killer. You really gave me a heart attack.”

     “I really - really - didn’t mean to.” he repeated. “I was taking my habitual morning jog around campus when I saw you. I’m usually the only insane one running this early, so I was quite surprised.”

     “Yeah, well. I usually run at the park but it’s closed for maintenance or something.” she answered massaging her back.

     Jungkook looked worriedly at her. “Are you okay?” he asked for the third time.

     Y/N sighed and smiled at him patting his shoulder. “I’m fine. Really.”

     “I’m so sorry I scared you.”

     “All in the past.” she shook her head and started walking again. “So you run here every morning?”

     “Not really, just everytime I can. When I’m not too tired from practice, you know?” he answered following her. “How about you?”

     “I’ve been doing it every Tuesday and Thursday since last year. But never inside campus.”

     “Yeah, we would have met sooner otherwise. Didn’t take you for a runner.”

     Y/N rolled her eyes to the sky: this wasn’t her first time hearing this comment. “What do you mean?”

     Jungkook run a hand through his hair, now slightly embarrassed. “You know ... First of class, TA, working at the bookshop ... Classic nerdy girl.” he finished feeling uneasy.

     “That’s s bit dull on your part, Jungkook.” she teased him feigning offense.

     He sighed. “Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

     Y/N grinned. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t know me well, but I’m full of surprises.” she winked at him.

     “That you are.” he smiled back. “Hey, wanna run to the café in front of the fountain? I usually have breakfast there once I’m done. They’re the only ones who open this early.”

     “Sure. I love that place.” Y/N suddenly smirked. “Race you there?”

     Jungkook stopped on his tracks and arched a brow teasingly eyeing her petite figure. “The café is nearly ten minutes jog away from here, Miss TA. I’m the captain of the football team, how about you? Sure you can make it?”

     Y/N narrowed his eyes and crossed her arms on her chest, straightening her back. “Do you want to do it or not, captain my captain?”

     The boy giggled. “You’re so on.” he got into position, the tips of his fingers on the ground, ready to sprint. Y/N quickly copied him. “Ready, set ... go!”

     Jungkook kept a fast pace since the very begin, planning to leave Y/N behind early on and prove his point. However, the girl pleasantly surprised him by keeping his rhythm with a concentrated face. Everytime he tried to speed up she was quick to accelerate. She ended up running alongside him most of the time. They chased each other like this all the way to the café, Jungkook arriving first just by a few seconds.

     “Is there something you didn’t tell me?” Jungkook asked out of his breath, hands on his knees.

     Y/N laughed, out of breath herself. “I was in the track team back in high school, used to run the hundreds.” 

      “You really are full of surprises. Well, since you lost and cheated. I say you pay for coffee.” he said entering the empty shop.

     “That’s fine with me. The shocked expression you had everytime I overtook you was enough to please me.” she teased him walking towards the counter. “What are you getting?”

     “An ice americano, grande with two extra shots, and four chocolate muffins.” he answered glancing down at her, waiting for her to comment on his order. She didn’t.

     “Make it two please, but just three muffins for me.” she placed her order surprising Jungkook. “How much is it?”

     “Here you go.” the dark haired boy quickly handed 20 bucks to the young cashier. 

     “Hey.” Y/N turned back at him, her wallet open in her hands. “I thought I was the one supposed to pay.”

     Jungkook shook his head putting an arm around her shoulders and pushing her towards the nearest table. “I was just kidding, I’ve been raised a gentleman. I would never make a woman pay for my breakfast, especially not Professor Lee’s TA. I need to be on your good side.” he winked at her and walked back to the counter to get their order.

     “What happened to being third or fourth in the rankings and not needing my help?” Y/N asked once he was seated in front of her.

     “You never now what might happen. It’s better to be safe than sorry since it’s senior year.” Jungkook answered peeling away the paper from one of his muffins and giving it a big bite. “So, I get that you’re a professional runner, but where does a small looking girl like you hide three enormous chocolate muffins?”

     “Inside my brain, obviously. I thought we agreed I’m the smartest one around.” she joked making him laugh the same boisterous laugh that distracted her the other day.

      “Yeah, you definitely must burn a lot of calories to be this smart.” he clipped back.

     Y/N nodded confidently. “Exactly.”

     They spent the next hour chatting like this, joking around and learning a few more things about each other, beyond discovering they enjoyed the same morning routine. Although they’ve been attending almost every single class together over the years, went to the same parties and frequented the same places, they barely knew each other - just two friendly acquaintances walking past each other on campus. On their way back to their own home to get ready for their Organic Chemistry class, they both wondered what was the reason behind it, especially since they had highly enjoyed each other’s company during breakfast.

     Surprising Y/N by sitting front row next to her almost an hour later, Jungkook found himself unable to find a satisfying answer. 

     The following Thursday evening Y/N was once again having her alone-time at the coffee shop, pencil in one hand and a cup of hot chocolate in another. Today’s subject was an old professor grading papers in the booth in front of hers. He had become increasingly more annoyed by the hour that Y/N couldn’t help herself and started sketching his wrinkly face. She was so immersed in her drawing that she didn’t notice a tall and broad figure approaching her. 

     Jungkook had just left the football field and had decided to stop by his favorite coffee shop for a quick americano. He usually didn’t drink coffee at this hour but the coach kept postponing the end of practice and Jungkook needed to write at least another page of his paper due the next week if he didn’t want to submit it last minute. He was just about to leave the shop when he caught Y/N’s profile. She was so into whatever she was doing that she didn’t even heard him calling her name. Stopping beside her, Jungkook looked down at her table and felt his jaw dropping. On the paper was the most perfect portrait of Professor Han, one of the oldest teachers in their college. It was so realistic, from his furrowed brows to the shadows on his disappointed face, that Jungkook almost taught it was a black and white picture.

     “That is so beautiful, Y/N.” he murmured in amazement.

     The girl suddenly jumped on her seat, surprised, and instinctively lifted her pencil to avoid leaving an unwanted mark on the face of her subject.

     “You really need to stop doing that.” she exclaimed in one breath looking up. 

     Jungkook smiled sheepishly at her, running a hand through his freshly showered hair. “Sorry. Do you mind?” he asked gesturing the free seat in front of her.

     “Suit yourself.” Y/N shrugged analyzing attentively her drawing.

     “I didn’t know you could draw like this.” the boy said putting his practice bag next to him. “You really are so talented.”

     Y/N smiled looking up at him, satisfied that the portrait was still pristine. “Thanks. It’s a hobby of mine.”

     “Miss TA, you once again surprise me.” Jungkook commented whilst putting a hand under his chin. “Have you ever thought of making a job out of it? I mean, this is really good enough to be displayed in a museum.”

     “Don’t be silly.” Y/N rolled her eyes at the ceiling, trying to be as humble as she could. “I told you, it’s just a hobby.”

     “That’s bullshit. I’m telling you, I could spend money on this.” 

     “Do you admire Professor Han that much? How much would you pay me?” she challenge him with an arched brow.

      It was Jungkook’s turn to roll his eyes. “Ok. Maybe not on this particular portrait. Do you have others? That aren’t about old grumpy men, I mean.”

     Y/N nodded and pushed her black sketchbook towards him. She watched as Jungkook opened the first page, mouth agape and eyes big as saucers. She watched him turn every page with care, taking his time in admiring every single detail of every drawing. As the minutes passed, Y/N started to feel shy, which was unusual. Her passion wasn’t a secret, and she did knew how talented she was, but somehow Jungkook’s enamoured expression was making her feel uneasy. It was as if she really wanted to impress him.

     On the other hand, Jungkook was so caught in her talent, and so impressed by it, that he felt his fingers tingle. It wasn’t only the details but the emotions captured in every picture. He could feel them, the people she portrayed, as if they where in front of him and he was watching them with his own eyes.

     “Please tell me that your major in Biology is just plan B and you are actually preparing to become the next Monet.” he told once he reached the last drawing.

     “Monet was an Impressionist. I’m more of a Courbet.” she responded taking the last sip of her hot chocolate, hiding her pleased smile.

     “I have no idea of who you are talking about, but you know what I mean.”

     “I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m planning to be the next big surgeon, not painter.” she winked at him.

     Jungkook felt his brows going up again. “Are you really?” he smirked resting his back on the sofa. “We’re gonna be rivals then, because I also want to become the next big surgeon.”

     “Really?” Y/N asked in surprise. She never gave it more than a second thought and she always assumed he wanted to play football even after college. Now, she realized he wasn’t the only one who had been narrow-minded. “Do you already know which speciality?” she asked curiously.

     “Pediatric surgery.” he answered immediately. 

     Y/N found herself taken aback once again. “Clearly I’m not the only one full of surprises here.”

     Jungkook smiled back at her. “How about you? Wait let me guess.” he narrowed his eyes in feigned concentration. “You want to become a neurosurgeon, just so you could make sure that your brain is the biggest of them all.”

     Y/N threw her eraser - which he caught easily - in annoyance. “No, you smartass. I’m all for cardio-thoracics.”

     The boy observed her intently for a minute, thinking about how much effort she seemed to put in everything she did. How much heart. “I think it suits you very much.” he finally said in a low voice.

     For the first time since she could remember, she felt her cheeks blushing under his intense gaze and she found herself playing with the rim of her now empty cup. “Thanks.” she answered timidly.

     Jungkook found himself looking at her under a new light. He already knew how great she was academically speaking, how she always found time to help other students with their assignments and how reliable she was as a TA. But he never looked past this version of her and never thought of what else was there behind the valedictorian facade. This past week revealed a lot of the real Y/N. He learned that she was full of interests and different passions, that she was able to eat three chocolate muffins in one sitting, and that she seemed to have a ready answer for everything. In that moment, he recognized how beautiful she was, in almost an intimidating way. 

     “Since we’re heading towards a common goal,” she started, awakening him from his thoughts. “How about we start studying together?” she proposed, surprising the both of them. 

     “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, kind of thing?” Y/N shrugged in response to his remark. “Fine by me.” he replied. “But are you sure you want me - the third in ranking - to be your study partner?”

     Y/N laughed. “Oh, Jungkook. Don’t think so low of yourself, I’m sure you’ll be able to keep up with my pace.”

     “Do you even have a free slot in your time table, Lady Number 1?”

     She huffed at the new nickname but answered him anyways, “Actually, I don’t. But I already go to the library every Wednesday afternoon. You could join me if you’re free.”

     Jungkook taught about it for a second before realizing that their timetable was almost the same. “That’s actually perfect for me. Wednesdays afternoons are also my designated study hours, I wouldn’t mind some company for a change.”

     “It’s a plan, then.” Y/N replied, still surprised of how at ease she felt around him.

     “Did you went running today, since it’s Thursday.”

     “Yeah, you remembered.” she smiled. “Went back to my beloved park.”

     “Hey, mind if I join you next time?” Jungkook asked before he could stop himself. “We could be jogging buddies too.”

     “You mean that you are willing to see this ugly face, not only in class but also at 5.30 am?” she joked pointing at herself.

     “And Wednesday afternoons.” he nodded showing his bunny smile. “Besides,” he continued, suddenly feeling bold. “Apparently, I find your company quite enjoyable.”

     Y/N looked at him with interest letting a few seconds pass in silence. “Ditto, Captain. Ditto.”

     It became their new routine. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings they would meet outside the campus gates, briskly walk towards the park saying their good mornings, run through the trees and at the end race each other back to their favorite café. On Wednesday afternoons, after their morning classes, they would eat lunch together at the cafeteria - often joined by either Namjoon or Jungkook’s friends - before heading to the library and study till late. 

      November went by and came the cold December, and before they knew it Y/N became accustomed to his presence and him to hers. It wasn’t unusual now to see them walking around campus side by side, laughing and teasing each other, and, after the initial curiosity, the other students got used to it too.

     Y/N became also quick friends with Jungkook’s inner circle. She was pleased to see that Yoongi was still the same silent but observant guy she remembered. He often sat quietly beside his friends, an affectionate smile on his face, watching them bicker and throwing in some random knowledge every now and then just to annoy or impress them. This had earned him the nickname “Yoongipedia”, which he pretended to dislike - Y/N had caught him a lot of times smirking in satisfaction after proving his friends wrong during some kind of discussion. 

     To Y/N’s delight, Yoongi immediately clicked with her best friend Namjoon, a nerdy one himself. Majoring in Philosophy, the boy was all about long debates  and was more than happy to find a new opponent other than Y/N who had lost her patience over the years and now tended to ignore him. Namjoon was quite surprised the first time he saw Y/N surrounded by the four boys at lunch. Even if quite friendly and always eager to be helpful, she was in fact a very solitary, reserved and somehow introverted person. She was a quality over quantity kind of girl, making Namjoon very proud of being her best friend. They met each other first year of high school, they were the first ones to arrive at their very first lesson and had quickly fallen into a deep conversation about volcanoes, tectonic plates and Darwinism. United by their love for science and their ambition, they easily became inseparable. They grew up together and always encouraged each other to achieve their dreams. Namjoon, in particular, almost felt like Y/N’s guardian angel, working on the sidelines and taking care of her without her noticing. He sometimes worried that she would forget that there was something more than studying and how important it was to enjoy the small things in life. He still remembered clearly those tough weeks during second year when she had taken so many extra courses to increase her credits that she barely left her room. She became so anxious, even more closed in herself and ill tempered, that both him and her brother Seokjin decided she needed a quick intervention before she went spiraling. It wasn’t easy, but they were able to convince her to let go of some of her responsibilities and to resume her old hobbies - like drawing and running - and find new ones. So, once over the initial surprise, Namjoon felt happy that she made new friends. 

     At the moment, all six of them were seated on the ground around the long coffee table in Beta Tau Sigma’s living room, Jungkook and Yoongi’s fraternity house. It was a slow Sunday morning and they had decided to play a game of Monopoly. Jimin had made one of his famous colorful cocktails - non-alcoholic since the hour - and Taehyung had brought his favorite snacks to share. 

     The two men were the complete opposite of the calm Yoongi. Y/N soon learned that they were the life of the party, always cheerful and carefree, making it easy to feel at ease around them. Jimin, in particular, was a ball of energy, always jumping around, screaming at the top of his lungs and inventing quirky songs on the spot. Y/N find herself always in a good mood when he was around. Taehyung, on the other hand, was more tranquil but still on the exuberant side - and maybe a bit extravagant too. He was definitely the most charming amongst his friends and he often had different people buzzing around him. Everyone seemed to enjoy his company. There was also a purity in him that Y/N couldn’t quite identify that awakened in her a desire to protect him from any harm.

     And then there was Jungkook. He was sitting on her left, an arm thrown absent-mindedly around her shoulders and a hand playing with a strand of her hair. Y/N had became accustomed to this kind of display of affection, he especially seemed to like hugging her, to engulf her small figure in his arms. She liked it too, even if she didn’t want to admit it at first, playing hard to get. The first time he had embraced her it was to stop her from arriving first at their usual morning race. He had caught her a few feet away from the finish line and had thrown her to the grass. Y/N, outraged, had climbed up his back to put his neck into a loose headlock. They entered the café like that, Jungkook carrying her upside down on his shoulder. After that everything else came natural. It was always when they were alone, or with their close friends at most, because none of them liked PDA, but it was pleasurable none the least. 

     In just over a month, Jungkook became the centre of her thoughts. She often caught herself picturing his cute dimples, the mole under his lower lip or his broad shoulders. She could now recognize his smell - a mix of freshly washed laundry, perfume and pure him - and the warmth of his hands. She liked how he would furrow his brows when he didn’t understand a certain concept during their study hours, how he would read the paragraph over and over again before biting his lip and tapping on her notebook with his pencil in defiance. She liked the way his eyes would grow big listening to her explanation and then shake his head annoyed with himself. She liked how he always listened to her every word and how he seemed to remember the smallest details even after weeks; or the way he would look at her in silence whilst she was drawing - or doing anything, really. He would make her blush with his stare, laugh with his silly jokes and provoke her with his smart remarks. 

     It was undeniable. Y/N liked Jungkook. 

     And, if she was as intelligent as she claimed to be, she thought that the feeling was mutual too. Nevertheless, neither of them acted on it. They stood facing each other in front of an invisible line, waiting for the first one to find the courage to cross it. 

     They weren’t the only ones waiting, either. Yoongi and Jimin had already placed a bet on who would be the first to come forward, Namjoon agreeing with the former that Jungkook would be the one to take control of the situation - just like a true leader -, and Taehyung siding with his best friend to cheer their headstrong new friend. But none of them had luck so far and had to settle with watching the two gravitate towards each other.

     “Ok, Miss TA.” Jungkook was saying at the moment. “It’s time to begin the negotiations. How much do you want for that worthless piece of land?” he pointed at the very last property.

     Y/N scoffed. “Do you mean Boardwalk, Cap? The most expensive land in the game?”

     “Well, it’s worthless to you since I have the other two properties to complete the set.”

     “And that’s exactly the reason why I will not sell it to you.” Y/N responded poking his side. “You already have all of the stations. I won’t make winning any easier for you.”

     “I could give you half of my winnings if you want.” Jungkook gave her his dashing bunny smile.

     “There are no winnings, Jungkook.” she remembered him.

     “How about eternal glory and the right to gloat with our friends over here?”

     “I’d prefer something more concrete, thanks.” she rolled her eyes at him. 

     Jungkook pulled her closer to his side. “How about a kiss then?”

     Y/N looked at him for a moment, caught off guard. He was looking at her too, still smiling but with a glint of seriousness in his eyes. Y/N almost taught about it, to give him a quick peck on the lips, but she could feel the silence in the room and their friends eyes watching them, and decided against it. 

     Clearing her throat and looking down on her hands she let out a mocking huff. “Ew. That would put me on the losing end of the negotiation.”

     Jungkook laughed quietly, not surprised at all by her denial. “If you want to believe so, my dear TA.”

     Nonetheless, he settled on giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head, earning her smile and making their friends roll their eyes simultaneously. 

     “I’m gonna miss you during winter break.”

     Jungkook turned his head towards Y/N in pleasant surprise. They were sitting beside each other on a park bench, watching the sunrise behind the trees. They didn’t feel like running that morning and decided upon walking and simply enjoy each others company. 

     “Have I heard you right?” the boy teased. “Did you say you were going to miss me?”

     “I’m not going to repeat myself, Jungkook.” she threatened with a smile.

     He smiled too, turning back to look at the sky. It was a rare cloudless winter morning and the faint pink and yellow were beautiful behind the leafless trees. That afternoon they were both going back home to spend the festivities with their families and wouldn’t see each other for a couple of weeks.

     “Who would have thought I’d spend my 5.30 mornings watching the sunrise with the world’s smartest person.” Jungkook murmured quietly taking her hand in his.

     Y/N felt her hearth beat a little faster. “Who would have thought I would enjoy holding hands with the world’s greatest quarterback.” she murmured back. 

     Never letting go of her hand, Jungkook put his arm around her shoulders, letting her snuggle to his side, and laying his head on hers. “Who would have thought.”

     “Y/N could you please put your phone down for a minute? Dinner is ready!”

     “A minute!” she called back from her place on the sofa. 

     It was the 29th of December and as per usual Y/N was busy texting with Jungkook. After their sweet moment at the park they agreed upon keeping in touch as much as they could. But what neither of them anticipated was how frequently they’d be looking for each other. First it was him sending her stupid memes, and then it was her sending him videos of her uncles embarrassing themselves on Christmas Eve. Sometimes Jungkook would call her late at night, making her worry that his vacation wasn’t going as smoothly as hers. She didn’t want to pry, but from what she gathered during those rare times he would let something slip, he didn’t have the best of relationships with his father. He didn’t seem to approve his dream job, which Y/N found quite strange. Who didn’t want a doctor for a son? That was unheard of. Obviously, Jungkook wasn’t coping with the situation as well as he wanted her to believe. Y/N tried to distract him as best as she could, trying to ignore the desire to steal his brother’s car keys and drive all the way to comfort him.

     “Who is she even talking to?” she heard her father saying. “Does she have a new boyfriend that we don’t know of?”

     Y/N pretended not to hear and quickly messaged Jungkook that she was going to dinner.

     “If she has a boyfriend,” Seokjin responded with his mouth full of mashed potatoes. “I want to believe I’d be the first to know.”

     “After Namjoon, of course.” responded their mother bringing a hot pot of green pees. 

    “Yeah, after Namjoon.” Seokjin confirmed slightly annoyed.

     “It’s just a friend from college. I’m still as lonely as ever.” Y/N cut short, but from the look on their faces, she knew that none of her family members believed her.

     Later that night Y/N found herself lying under her white duvet, lights off and her phone crushed between her left ear and her soft pillow. On the other side of the call was, of course, Jungkook.

     “So, for New Years Eve me and the guys are planning to go to this beach party out of town organized by one of Jimin’s childhood friends. It’s supposed to be fun, not too wild and a little bit romantic. You know, with the moon reflecting on the sea and all that.”

     “That’s nice.” Y/N smiled. “Me and Namjoon haven’t decided yet. We’ll probably crash into someone else’s party last minute, like every year.”

     “So you are also a party crasher, huh? You never cease to amaze me, Miss TA.” he joked. “How’s the rest of your winter break going?”

     “Fairly well, actually. If it wasn’t for my brother and father teasing me about staying up till late talking on the phone.” 

     She heard Jungkook muffle a giggle which made her smile back. “And who would be the fortunate one on the other side of the line?”

     “No one important, I can assure you that.” she responded making him scoff. “How about you? Everything ok?”

     “Same as always, I guess.” he answered and Y/N could imagine him shrugging. “I’m going to meet some college friends tomorrow.”

     “Really? Someone I know?”

     “No, not really. Just some teammates.” he answered dismissively. “I’ll introduce them to you once were back.” he added.

     “I’d like that.” she answered with a yawn. She was about to talk again when she heard a female voice calling his name from afar.

     “Jungkook! Are you using my phone charger again? I need it!”

     “I’m on 5%! Can’t you borrow mom’s?” the boy called back.

     “Why don’t you? Give it back, I have to go out with the girls in an hour and I’m out of battery.”

     Y/N listened to them bicker for a couple of minutes and waited for the rustling to finish before speaking again. “Was that your sister?”

     “Yeah.” Jungkook sighed. “Sorry about that, she can be very annoying when she wants to.”

     “I totally understand you.” she responded thinking about Seokjin making funny and childish faces at her during dinner. “So she’s the one into botanics?”

     “Huh?”

     “I remember you buying a botanics book from the bookshop where I work.”

     “Oh. Oh! Yeah! Right! That’s her.” he laughed awkwardly. “Listen. I have to go now. My phone is about to die.”

     “Oh, ok.” she responded a little taken a back from the suddenness. 

     “Goodnight, Y/N. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

     Namjoon was pacing back and forth outside her bathroom door. She could hear him huffing and puffing while retouching her make up. “Y/N, please, hurry up! It’s 10 pm already! It’s an hour and a half drive from here, we need to go!”

     “I’m ready! I’m ready!”, she answered throwing the door open. “Do we really have to go all the way over there? Where even is there?”

     Namjoon sighed pulling her friend by the wrist and hurriedly waving at her parents in the kitchen. “I told you, Ashley’s cousin owns a very big house on the beach and is apparently very good at organizing parties. They bought the big fireworks, Y/N.”

     “Wow, big fireworks.” she mockingly repeated opening the car door. “I bet that that’s the real reason behind all your enthusiasm.”

     “Oh, shut up.” Namjoon replied starting the engine.

     “I really hope Ashley is worth the long drive.” she teased him. “And that the fireworks are as big as you said.”

     “Y/N. Really. Shut up.”

     Even with Namjoon’s fast driving it took them almost two hours to arrive at the location: a big white wooden house perched upon a small hill that overlooked the sea. Following the music and the loud voices, they ended up going down two flights of stairs that led directly to the beach. There were at least a hundred people dancing and talking around two large bonfires, and none of them seemed to mind the cold wind blowing from the sea.

     “I’ll see you later, okay?” Namjoon almost screamed to be heard over the loud noise. Y/N watched her friend with wide eyes take his shoes and socks off as fast as he could before running backward in the sand. “It’s 10 minutes to midnight! I have to find Ashley!”

    “Are you kidding me?! Namjoon! Namjoon!” Y/N called for him, but he was already lost in the crowd. “Unbelievable.”

     Muttering curses to herself, she went barefoot too and started to wander among the crowd. She didn’t recognize anyone of the people around her and she wasn’t even in the mood to look for someone to talk to. Surrendered to the idea of celebrating New Year’s by herself, she decided to go sit on the shore and enjoy the winter breeze. Stopping before the water, she was pondering if it was worth getting her feet wet in the cold water when a voice she knew really well called her name, making her turn around in surprise.

     “Y/N?”

     Jungkook was standing a few feet from her, dressed in a heavily padded jacket, a red cup on his hand and a dumbfounded expression on his face.

     “Jungkook?” she exlaimed, just as surprised.

     They stood there looking at each other with their mouths opened, asking themselves if they were really seeing right. Y/N remembered him talking about Jimin’s friend organizing a beach party on New Year’s, but she didn’t even think about Ashley’s cousin being that same person.

     “A minute ‘till midnight!” someone screamed, making both of them jump.

     Jungkook blinked a couple of times, getting back to the present, before looking behind to where he’d come from. He paused, seemingly in the middle of deciding something, and when he faced Y/N again he had a resolute expression on his face. Handing his cup to a random guy passing by, he took too large steps toward Y/N, grabbed her wrist and started to run towards the hill. 

     Surprised at first, Y/N struggled to keep up but soon started running as fast as him, until they were side by side. She found herself smiling up at him and Jungkook soon matched her glee.

     He laughed his boisterous laugh and run even faster. “Come on, Y/N! It’s almost midnight, come on!” he screamed with the same enthusiasm of a kid.

     It wasn’t easy to get through all the people and to climb the hill barefoot. Once on the top, they stopped to catch their breath, both still smiling. Y/N turned to her left and grinned at the beautiful view. They were in a dark side of the hill and looking down at the beach she was sure that nobody could see them. The moon’s reflection was dancing on the calm surface of the sea and the sky was so clear that she could see hundreds of stars blinking back at her. She felt her whole body tingle with emotion.

    Jungkook was watching her intently, quite emotional himself. Her eyes were bright, almost watery because of the cold wind, and her cheeks were red as cherries. Her hair was tied in a high ponytail with a few loose strands dancing away with the breeze. She was beautiful. 

     “I can’t believe you’re here.” he murmured taking a tentative step in her direction.

     Y/N was for the first time at lost of words, her heart beating fast as she watched him step closer and closer. He was looking at her like he never did before, even in the dark she could clearly see how intense his gaze was. 

     Below them the crowd started the countdown. 

     “10! 9! 8!”

    Another step and he was just a breath away. Y/N felt her lips parting on their own accord.

     “6! 5! 4!”

     He was now towering over her, a strand of his dark messy hair falling over his eyes. Y/N couldn’t help but reach out a hand and move it aside lovingly. 

     “3! 2! 1!”

     A loud explosion made them both jump. Someone from the house’s rooftop was blowing up fireworks illuminating the sky in a thousand of colors. The people on the beach started to cheer loudly celebrating the New Year.

     They really did bought the big fireworks, she thought to herself.

     “Happy New Year, Y/N.” Jungkook said in a hush tone, admiring the colorful lights dancing on her skin.

     “Happy New Year, Jungkook.” she responded, eyes back at him.

     The kiss was timid and sweet at first, both enjoying the soft touch of each others lips and still overwhelmed by their emotions. Jungkook put one hand on her cheek, cupping her face delicately and caressing her skin with his thumb. The other hand went to the back of her neck to pull her up and closer to him. Y/N’s mind went blank. All she could do was feel him - his warmth, the softness of his lips and his sweet scent. 

     As they became bolder, the kiss intensified. They savored each other’s taste, hugged closer ‘till there was nothing between them. Y/N clung to his padded jacket and Jungkook tightened his embrace in response. 

     As they parted slightly to catch their breath, nose to nose and eyes still closed, Y/N couldn’t help but think how this moment was everything she had imagined and more. It was perfect. Unforgettable.

Part 2

     Jan. - May

      After winter break, they all went back to their original routine. Tuesday and Thursday mornings were still for their usual jog, Wednesday afternoons were still spent in the library. They still had lunch together with their friends at the cafeteria and still played board games on Sundays. What changed were the stolen kisses in front of Y/N’s apartment door, or the secret hand holding under the library desk.

     They unanimously agreed upon keeping their new relationship for themselves for the time being, both of them cherishing their privacy and neither anxious to get in the center of attention - which was inevitable given Jungkook’s position on the social pyramid. 

     Their close friends were the only one aware of it all. The boys were still fighting about who won their original bet and Namjoon continuously claimed how important his role had been on New Years’s Eve, annoying the hell out of his best friend. Jimin would jokingly tease the couple about releasing a first page article about them on the student newspaper, convinced that the whole student body wanted and deserved to know about the nerdy girl and the quarterback hiding in the chemistry lab to smooch. 

     Y/N had never felt better. Her classes were going great, Jungkook being a motivation and not a distraction as she secretly thought he would be. He seemed even more driven than usual, working hard to ace his assignments and raise his GPA. His main focus was, of course, leading his team towards the playoffs. Being this his last year as quarterback and captain of the varsity team, he was very determined to write his name on the page of the history of sports. It didn’t matter how many times Y/N tried to reassure him that he was already the greatest captain the campus could remember, he would always be the first one to arrive at the practice field and the last one to leave. 

     Sometimes, when he was too tired to go out on their occasional secret dates, he would knock on her apartment door with an adorable pout asking permission to cuddle on her sofa. Y/N was always happy to oblige. 

     It was a shock at first for Seokjin, catching them kissing passionately in their living room after his double shift at the hospital. They were so into each other that he had to clear his throat loudly three times before he could grab Jungkook’s attention, making him fall on the floor in panic. But Seokjin didn’t give him too much of a hard time after all, besides the initial jealous-brother-scene, they actually got along with each other really well and he soon became accustomed to his company.

     January came and went and Y/N was still in a state of bliss. It was like Jungkook was the missing piece she didn’t know she needed to be complete. Everything was as perfect as it could be - her academic life was as perfect as ever, her friendship with Namjoon was still a certainty and the other boys already owned a big piece of her heart. And Jungkook was the glue that bound all of it together. He made her feel happy.

     “Hey,” he was saying leaning on the counter of the bookstore where she worked. “Wanna come to the next game?”

     “I’m honored.” Y/N replied putting a hand over her heart theatrically. “Are you sure I won’t be of any distraction. Wouldn’t want you to catch a glimpse of my beautiful face in the middle of the crowd and lose your grip on the ball.”

     “Oh, my dear TA.” he said in a smirk. “I thought we’d already clear this out. You’re the brains, I’m the beauty. No risk in being distracted.”

     “I’m not sure if I should be upset or pleased by what you just said.” she wrinkled her nose adorably.

     “Pleased, of course. Because you know that I’m not a shallow person who appreciates you only for your rosy lips and deep, big eyes; but I value your intelligence, your creativity and all of your hardworking self.”

     Y/N arched a brow at him, secretly pleased. “Rosy lips and deep, big eyes, huh?”

     “Miss TA! Are you getting all superficial on me?” he gasped dramatically. “Jokes aside, would you come? To the game” he added.

     “Do you want me to?”

     “I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

     Y/N smiled at him. “I’ll be there, then.”

     “Is this your first game, Y/N?” Taehyung was asking the girl while munching noisily on his french fries.

     The stands were crowded with students, in spite of the late hour, more than half of them wearing their varsity team’s colors and waving huge banners for encouragement. Y/N and the guys were also wearing matching T-shirts with Jungkook’s name on them, ready to support their captain.

     “No, but it’s the first one since forever.” she responded, stealing him a fry. They were sitting front row and Y/N was enjoying the cheerleader’s routine. Their varsity squad was very good too, especially who she assumed was the captain. She was a blonde gorgeous girl with piercing blue eyes who did all the hardest stunts effortlessly, as if she was a feather in the wind. 

     “I can’t wait to see your jealous side, Y/N.” Jimin said, leaning forward from the seat behind hers.

     “What do you mean?” she looked back at him.

     “Look around you.” he murmured in a hushed tone. “Half of the girls in the stadium doesn’t even know the shape of the football ball. They’re just here to swoon over 22 men sweating and running across the field in elastic pants.”

     “That’s so stupid.” she shook her head in disbelief.

     “He’s not entirely lying, you now?” Taehyung intervened. “It can be intense sometimes. And you better prepare yourself since - you know -” he winked at her. “Our lovely Jungkookie is the quarterback and all.”

     Jimin nodded energetically. “Always at the center of attention.”

     “Stop it, guys.” Yoongi stepped in. “Or she’ll start believing in your crap.”

     But as it turned out, the boys weren’t completely bullshitting her. As soon as the game started, most of the girls turned into what Y/N imagined was society’s representation of giggly frivolous teenagers, making her inner feminist shiver. When Jungkook run to the center of the field to begin the match, two girls sitting next to them started hyperventilating and fanning themselves with their hands, and two other started to scream his name from the top of their lungs reaching the highest notes imaginable.

     Truth be told, Y/N couldn’t totally blame them. She had never seen this side of him. He was focused, charismatic and commanding. He looked like a predator on the field, dangerous yet beautiful under the artificial lights. He remained concentrated and serious throughout the whole hour and it wasn’t until the referee declared their win that Jungkook broke into a huge smile, the bunny one that Y/N had learned to love. She jumped and sang excitedly with all the stadium just as Jungkook was being thrown in the air by his teammates.

     “Are you coming to the party, Y/N?” Jimin screamed over the noise throwing an arm around her.

     “What party?”

     “We always throw a party at the frat house after a win! Celebration is necessary! Lots of low quality booze and pounding music!”

     Y/N laughed but shook her head. “Sorry, Chim. I have to assist Professor Lee with an early lab tomorrow morning and the last thing I need is to show up stoned by low quality booze and pounding music.”

     “Oh, come on, Y/N! You have to come!” Taehyung took her hands in his and made the sweetest puppy eyes he could.

     It was Yoongi who saved her from temptation, freeing her from the boys hands. “Leave her alone, would you?” he said. “I totally understand, Y/N. I remember how cranky can Professor Lee be on Monday mornings. You are perfectly justified.” he smiled at her sympathetically. 

     Y/N looked back down on the field. The team was still hugging each other happily, now joined by the cheerleaders. Jungkook had now removed his helmet, exposing his sweaty hair and red cheeks, and was chatting happily with the blonde cheerleader who seemed to be imitating one of his last plays. Y/N watched as he threw his head back in laughter at her antics before giving her a quick hug and then turning around to the sound of the coach calling his name.

     “He seems busy. Would you tell him I had to go?” she asked Yoongi while straightening her scarf. The boy simply nodded.

     The day after the game Y/N was so busy that she didn’t have the time to call Jungkook and personally congratulate him for the team’s victory. That morning the campus was vibrating with excitement and wherever she turned all she could hear were conversations about how great the team had played and how epic was the after party. She, on the other hand, didn’t even had time to eat lunch before going to work since Professor Lee had asked her to prepare a last minute power point presentation for one of his classes. Her afternoon at the bookstore was unusually challenging too because it was her turn to do the monthly inventory. When she arrived home later that night all she could do was take a quick shower before falling asleep. 

     The morning after she left her apartment at 5.30 am, ready to meet Jungkook by the campus’ gates for their morning jog. But, strangely, he never showed. She tried sending him a couple of messages and calling him a few times but with no success. Almost an hour later, Y/N surrendered to the fact that she had just been ditched. She went back home and prepared herself for class, hoping that he would show up so she could give him a bit of a hard time.

     He arrived a half an hour late, gathering the attention of the entire lecture hall and a snarky comment from the professor. He sat down silently on the seat that she had kept free for him, looking at her sheepishly. 

     You ok? She wrote on a piece of paper.

     Jungkook nodded. Overslept, he wrote back.

     Y/N tried to take a better look at him with the corner of her eye, without the professor noticing. His hair was all disheveled, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he seemed to have put on the first clothes he could find. He was doodling short straight rapid lines on his notebook, lost in thought. It was clear that he didn’t just overslept, that there was something more preoccupying him.

     Once the lesson was over she watched him pack his things without a word, put his bag over one shoulder and wait for her to exit the hall. 

     “See you at lunch?” he said running a hand through his hair. “Don’t want to be late to the next class too.”

     “Ok.” Y/N replied unsurely. At his tight smile she couldn’t help but brush his fingers with hers discreetly. “Are you sure everything’s fine?”

     Jungkook nodded with a sigh. “Sure. Just ... just my sister.”

     “Your sister?” Y/N repeated. “Did you guys fight?”

     “No ... no. It’s nothing important really.” he shook his head dismissively. “Listen, I have to go. See you later, ok?”

     “Oh, ok.” she answered, his back already turned.  

     Throughout her next class Y/N tried to shake away the uneasy feeling and worry. From what Jungkook had told her, he had a good relationship with his smaller sister, aside from the normal bickering and teasing. But she guessed it was normal to fight from time to time. She too used to fight a lot with Seokjin before learning that it was much easier to indulge him than go against his quirkiness.

       Strangely enough, Jungook seemed fine by lunchtime. He laughed and ate his chicken burrito sitting between Yoongi and Taehyung, never mentioning anything about what happened that morning, and seemed as cheerful as ever.

     Coming to the conclusion that it was, in fact, "nothing important" as he had said, Y/N felt her worry wash away and enjoyed the rest of lunch just as always.

     Distracted by their everyday life, that morning hitch was quickly forgotten and never mentioned again.

     Y/N became a steady presence during Jungkook’s games, her cheering becoming more and more aggressive as time went by. Namjoon started joining them too, alongside his new girlfriend Ashley who also happened to be an old acquaintance of Jimin and a hardcore football fan.

     By the end of March their group became so inseparable, frequently seen walking the corridors together or lounging in BTS’ living room, that it was a mystery how Y/N and Jungkook were able to maintain their relationship a secret. It wasn’t like they were trying to hide it, it just didn’t come natural to them to hold hands or to kiss in front of anyone who wasn’t part of their inner circle. Unlike Namjoon and Ashley who, two months into dating, were high on PDA.

     Between closed doors it was another matter all together. Y/N always felt the need to feel his touch, even in the smallest ways - like playing with his fingers whilst watching a movie or hugging him from behind whenever he poured himself a cup of milk. It was an uncontrollable desire, she would feel some kind of tingling on her fingers and before she knew it she was stretching her hands towards him. Fortunately, Jungkook didn’t seem to mind, always smiling softly at her and giving her a sweet peck on the crown of her head whenever he could. Then again, her absolute favorite thing were his hugs. Doubling her size in every direction, Jungkook was able to engulf her completely in a warm cocoon and Y/N would snuggle her nose on his sweater letting his signature perfume embrace her completely. And then there where the kisses. Y/N was literally craved his taste - it was like drinking her favorite hot chocolate with extra cream and marshmallows in front of a sizzling fireplace or like eating not three but six chocolate chip muffins without ever getting full. Without realizing it, Y/N had earned a new addiction.

     In just three months, Jungkook became the sun around which she revolved. She didn’t admitted it out loud yet, but she was quickly and definitely falling in love with him.

     “On your left, on your left! Jungkook on your fucking left!”

     “Jin, shut the fuck up! I’ve got him!”

     This, on the other hand, was a scene Y/N was still trying to get used to. Now completely accustomed to Jungkook’s presence in their apartment, Jin soon found in him a great Playstation buddy. Their favorite was Call of Duty - they would sit for hours on the sofa screaming at each other and kicking the coffee table in frustration. It came to the point that Jungkook would knock on their door with a six-pack, quickly peck Y/N’s lips before getting past her, asking for her brother. They would get so immersed in the game that Y/N was often left alone in her room studying, and would only get up to prepare dinner for the three of them. Not that she minded, actually liking the fact that they had established such a good relationship.

     “Get this, you stupid fucking maggot!” her brother was screaming at the moment, supposedly killing one of their enemies.

     “Guys, steak or chicken breasts for dinner?”

     “Not now Y/N!” Jin dismissed her angrily moving his joystick. “Where the fuck are they shooting from?!”

     “Shit! Motherfucking snipers!” Jungkook cursed.

     Y/N shook her head in defiance. “Steak it is.”

     More than an hour later, snuggled on Y/N’s bed with their stomachs full, Jungkook was having a rare moment of openness and was confiding in the girl about his problems with his father.

     “It’s not that I don’t get him , you know?” he was saying while playing with a strand of her hair. “Were not exactly rich, Med School is expensive and my sister still has two years of college ahead of her. I understand why he’s against it.”

     “How about these four years? You’re on a football scholarship, right?”

     Jungkook nodded. “Fortunately, yes. Guess that’s the reason why he never nudged me about it as much as this past months, he was probably waiting for me to change my mind on my own.”

     “But you would never.” Y/N smiled, knowing him well.

     “Hell, no.” he huffed. “This is who I want to be. I can’t picture myself doing anything else, you know?”

     “Yeah. I totally understand.”

     Growing up in a family of health workers, Y/N knew she wanted to become a doctor since her early teenage years, and had always worked towards that goal with all her might.

     “Is that the reason why you’re studying so hard this days? To apply for a new scholarship?”

     Jungkook hummed in agreement. “Since I can’t count on my football career after graduation, I was hoping to raise my GPA as much as I could.”

     “Your grades are already pretty good.”

     “Not as good as yours, Miss Number 1.” he jokingly poked her sides, making her jump. “I bet most schools already have your name written on their lists.”

     “Yeah, right.” she rolled her eyes at the ceiling. “How about getting a part-time job? You could save some money before Med School.”

     Jungkook sighed heavily. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. I just keep on postponing and postponing. I feel like I already have a lot on my hands and if I add something else I think I might lose my mind. This year’s classes are so demanding, the labs too, and let’s not mention how the coach has increased our practices from three to four times a week. He’s been draining us. I think he’s more stressed about winning the season than me, and that is saying something!” he grumbled. “I seriously don’t know how you do it. You have a lot on your hands too, but you don’t seem on the edge of a mental breakdown like me.”

     Y/N smiled, snuggling closer to him. “I know, I’m exceptional.”

     “And humble too.” he smirked.

     “Jokes aside, I really think you should find a job. One that isn’t too demanding and you can easily fit in your schedule. That way you can show your father that you are serious about this and that you can support yourself without weighing down on them.”

     “Yeah.” he sighed again. “You’re right.”

     The occasion presented itself not longer than a week later, when their favorite cafè announced a job offering and Jungkook didn’t even think twice before applying for it. Predictably, it was all but “not too demanding”, but the boy seemed happy about it nonetheless.

     He started training with Hoseok, Y/N’s favorite waiter, every opening hours which meant that he couldn’t join her in their morning jogs anymore. It was strange going back to running by herself, but she found comfort in watching him struggle with the coffee machine while she ate breakfast.

     The rest of the boys started coming to the shop more often too, silently showing their support for their friend. Y/N’s Thursday afternoons weren’t spent alone anymore and it soon became customary that the booth nearest to the window corner was reserved for their group.

     “Flowers are so beautiful, you know?” Ashley was saying looking at them with wide eyes. “And so underrated too! A flower isn’t just a flower, they have a story! A meaning!”

     “Careful, love. The Botanic Major in you is showing.” Namjoon teased her girlfriend.

     The girl ignored him. “For example,” she looked around before pointing outside the window. “See those white flowers over there? Near the fountain?”

     Y/N nodded curiously, taking a look at the plants in object. They had thick tall stems filled with rich, cheery, climbing blooms. Most of them were white, just as Ashley said, but others were of bright vibrant colors.

     “Those are called snapdragons. That’s because the petals resemble a dragon’s open mouth.” Ashley continued her impromptu botanic lesson. “Their ability to grow in difficult places and to stand tall even in the wind earned them the meaning of strength and grace. But during the ancient years they were often sent to mistresses as a way of saying that you were thinking of them even if separated, but also used to beg forgiveness from a lover. Because of this, the snapdragon became also a symbol of deviousness.”

     Namjoon rolled his eyes giving her a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for the lesson, babe. I got it, I won’t ever gift you snapdragons.”

     “You have to draw my eyes bigger, Y/N. Or draw me with a sexy stare. Either way you can’t draw me smiling because I hate my eyes when I smile.” Jimin suddenly said - clearly not listening to Ashley - pointing at the big paper in front of her. 

     It was a project she had been working on since two weeks prior, when she finally surrendered to Jimin and Taehyung’s nagging. In their opinion, it was of absolute importance that she drew a portrait of the seven of them before graduation, to commemorate their epic friendship. Y/N had never drew something of this size and, wanting it to be perfect, it was taking a lot of her free time.

     “But I like it when you smile, Chim.”

     Jimin sneakily put a hand around her shoulders and winked at her. “Oh, Y/N don’t let our coffee friend hear you, or he might get jealous.” he teased in a low voice.

     “So, have we decided who’s getting the drawing after it’s completed?” Yoongi interrupted, taking a sip of his dark coffee. “I personally suggest myself, since it would go really well with my new office next year.”

     “Your aseptic lab table, you mean.” Taehyung snorted. “It’s obviously going to me. The only one who can appreciate this kind of art.”

      “I say who gives the best gift to Y/N keeps the drawing.” Jimin proposed. “She’s the one doing all the work after all, it’s only right she gets something back from it.”

     Y/N nodded satisfied, patting his thigh with a hand. “Now we’re talking, Chim. Now we’re talking.”

    With April came the busiest period of the year, with their finals fast approaching and the last game of the season around the corner.  Between her TA duties, writing her thesis, studying for all of her exams and working for the bookshop, Y/N didn’t even had the energy to swing by the cafe during Jungkook’s morning shifts. So it became more and more difficult for Y/N and Jungkook to go around their schedule and all they could do was settle for short texts and sporadic late night phone calls. 

     As time went by, Jungkook seemed more and more standoffish and distant. He was often silent over the phone and talked monosyllabically, but whenever Y/N would asked if everything was ok he would brush her off by saying that he was stressed about his last football final. Y/N believed him too, since it seemed that what all campus could talk about was the beloved captain’s last game. She knew how all the expectations were weighing on him, so she just tried to offer her support as best as she could.

     The first free afternoon in her schedule came almost three weeks from the last time they were able to see each other and it coincided with the last practice before the big game.

     “I could come watch you.” Y/N proposed enthusiastically over the phone, ecstatic at the idea of being able to see him again. “I’ve never seen you practice.”

     On the other end of the call, Jungkook seemed a little taken aback. “Oh. Right. Sure. I’d like that.’

     Y/N frown at his less eager tone. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be of any distraction.”

     Jungkook sighed heavily. “No. I want you to come.” he said. “I’ve missed you so much.”

     Y/N smiled at his soft confession, curling up on her bed. “I’ve missed you too.”

     The next Friday, Y/N almost run from the bookstore to get to the football practice in time. It was already dark and the field lights were on full power. Predictably, she was the only one on the stands. When Jungkook spotted her sitting front row, he stopped mid run, the ball falling from his hands, earning a few confused looks from his teammates. Y/N giggled giddily at his reaction and waved at him.

     After the initial surprise, Jungkook went back to what he was doing almost avoiding looking up at Y/N. She, on the other hand, enjoyed watching him running up and down the field. Seeing him for the first time after weeks made her realize how much she really missed him and watching him own the football ground was making her heart pound like a teenager.

     The practice was reaching its end when a voice called her name from behind. Turning around she saw Hoseok, the boy working at the coffee shop, carrying a large thermal bag on his shoulder. He looked just as surprised to see her there as she was to see him.

     “Hoseok? What are you doing here?”

     “The coach always treats the team before the big game.” he answered sitting next to her and patting his bag. “What about you?”

     “I’m here for Jungkook.” she answered automatically before biting her lip. 

     “Right. I forgot you guys were friends.” he responded pensively looking down at the boys who were now huddled around their coach for the great speech. “Are the others here too?”

     Understanding who he meant, she slowly shook her head. “Just me.”

     “Just you?” he repeated with an arched brow.

     Y/N smiled to herself, this was the closest she ever got to confessing to someone else her relationship with Jungkook. “Just me.”

     Hoseok remained silent for a moment, watching her from the corner of his eyes, a deep frown on his face. He looked like he wanted to tell her something but decided otherwise. Y/N, oblivious to his inner battle, waved back at Jungkook who was now looking up at them curiously.

     The last game of the season was a total success. Despite the strong opponent, their team owned the better half of the match and Jungkook managed to score an epic touchdown run that had his coach jumping up and down the sidelines with his hands in his grey hair. The stadium was trembling with energy, all the student body seemingly present to celebrate the greatest game of the century. The singing was so loud that Y/N could feel it echoing inside her ribcage and vibrating under her feet. Even Yoongi, ever calm, was screaming unintelligible words from the top of his lungs flailing his arms in the sky like a maniac. Y/N couldn’t stop laughing looking at her friends leading the whole stadium in singing the most particular chant that had as main subject Jungkook, the same boy who was being showered with energy drinks by his teammates.

     Their group was the last one to leave the stadium, still singing and dancing as the team walked beneath them to get changed. It was as if they were drunk in euphoria. It took Y/N a whole fifteen minutes to convince them that it was time to leave.

     “Come on, boys! Are you or are you not hosting the greatest party of the century this evening?”

     Taehyung took her hands in his to start an impromptu dance in the middle of the corridor leading to the exit. “You are absolutely right, Y/N! The greatest party for the greatest quarterback!”

     “I’m so proud of our little boy.” Jimin added, drying off a fake tear.

     “He really was epic! The whole team was.” Ashley commented under Namjoon’s arm. “Best game ever, I’m telling you.”

     Y/N couldn’t help but agree, full of pride for Jungkook’s achievement. “I can’t wait to see him.”

     “Jungkook is getting lucky tonight! Jungkook is getting lucky tonight!” Jimin and Taehyung sing-sang jumping around her.

     “Oh, shut up!” she laughed.

     They were about to reach the parking lot when Y/N heard her name being called. Walking towards them was none other than Hoseok, his hands inside his pocket jeans and a serious expression on his face.

     “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he said tentatively once in front of her. “In private?” he added looking at the others who had stopped as well.

     “Oh. Ok. Sure.” Y/N replied, taken aback. “You guys can go on, I’ll wait for Jungkook anyway.” she said following Hoseok back towards the stadium entrance.

     “Better keep your hands for yourself, Hobi hyung!” Jimin yelled back at them. “Someone might get angry!”

     “Jimin, shut up!” Y/N screamed as well. “Sorry about that. Don’t mind him.”

     The boy shook his head dismissively before stopping near one of the secondary entrance gates. From here they could see the stairs leading to the locker rooms and on the other end of the corridor a glimpse of the empty field.

     “I’m not going to confess my love for you or anything.” he started laughing awkwardly.

     “Ok ...” 

     “I wasn’t actually sure I was supposed to tell you this.” he added frantically. “I mean, I guess it’s none of my business after all.”

     Y/N watched as he started to get more and more bouncy on his feet, just as she got even more confused. “What are you talking about?”

     “No, it really isn’t any of my business.” he grumbled on. “Really, not at all. But you’re always so nice and you seem like a really good person and I actually look forward to seeing you at the cafe because, you know, you are really nice and a good person and-”

     “Hoseok!” Y/N interrupted him, a looming sensation pervading her. “What is it?”

     The boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking again. “You’re with Jungkook, right?”

     That somewhat being the last thing she expected to hear, she batted her lashes in confusion. “Um. Yeah. I am.” she answered. “What’s that have to do with-”

     “I think he’s seeing someone else.” he cut in in one breath.

     Y/N remained frozen for a moment, not sure if her ears had heard him right. A second later her heart started beating faster, and not with the excitement of the varsity team winning but with the fear that she had, in fact, understood him right. “What?” she said, almost unintelligibly.

     Hoseok took another deep breath. “I’m sure he’s seeing someone else.” he corrected himself. “You know I’ve been training him back at the cafe, we’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

     At every word Y/N could feel her ears ring and a deep pain constricting her chest. Her eyes were unfocused, her mind somewhat empty, and her hands where starting to tremble by her sides.

     “I’ve seen him texting her and calling her a lot of times this past month. She even came to see him at work a couple of times. I actually had to cover for him once or twice.” Hoseok continued, his eyes on his feet. “I just assumed she was his girlfriend. I didn’t know you were also ... I thought you were just friends.”

     Y/N never felt anything like this before. The ache was indescribable and even breathing was agony. In front of her watery eyes she could see the last few months passing by, every touch, every hug, every conversation. Was any of it real? Did she imagine the love in his actions?

     And at that moment, as if it was already written, a sudden movement behind Hoseok caught her attention. At the far end of the corridor a woman dressed in a cheerleading uniform was slowly walking towards a tall man standing in front of the stairs of the locker room. Jungkook.

     Y/N couldn’t look away, shallow breaths coming out of her parted lips. Hoseok turned around to look too and recognizing the two figures let out an audible gasp.

     They watched as the girl stopped in front of him, as they exchanged a few words they couldn’t hear. Y/N watched her stand on here tiptoes, circle his neck with her arms and kiss him slowly on the lips.

     She turned her back at them abruptly, the first tears falling down her cheeks.

     In the midst of her shock she was able to recognize another person standing a few feet from her and Hoseok. Yoongi had come looking for her, worried not seeing her coming back. His eyes were fixed on the same scene she wanted to erase from her memory. He slowly looked back at her, his heart constricting at seeing the visible pain on her face. She looked at him with desperation, as if asking him to tell her that she was crazy and that she was imagining things.

     “Y/N ...” he murmured, lost of words.     

     Hoseok was the one to bring them back to reality. “I think ... Maybe you should take her home, Yoongi.”

     “Y-yeah ...”

     The way back to her apartment was nothing but excruciating. As soon as she sat down on the passenger seat, Y/N curled herself into a ball and started sobbing uncontrollably. Yoongi didn’t know what to do, he had never seen her like this. He never imagined her capable of being anything but her strong and smart self.

     And he was angry, beyond himself with rage. He couldn’t understand how what he had seen was real. He couldn’t understand how his friend - his best friend - could do something like that to Y/N. Never in his whole life he doubted him. Jungkook was like a brother to him.

     “Hey, I thought you weren’t coming back tonight - What happened?!” Seokjin exclamed upon seeing his sister crying next to Yoongi. He run to hug her protectively, almost pushing the other boy away. “Y/N?”

     She was sobbing so much that she couldn’t do anything but hug him back. Seokjin walked her to the sofa and sat down with her before turning his eyes to Yoongi. “Talk.” he ordered.

     Yoongi sat down too and run both of his hands through his hair. “Y/N ... I swear I didn’t know.”

     “What are you talking about?” Seokjin asked slowly. Y/N tried to take deep breaths to calm herself.

     “I know her.” he continued. “She’s the captain of the cheerleading squad.”

     Y/N taught about the beautiful blonde girl she had admired just a few weeks ago. The one that Jungkook had hugged after the game. She felt her eyes widening in recognition. 

     The cheerleading captain and the quarterback.

     “I’m going to kill him.” Seokjin promised in sudden understanding, hugging his sister closer.

     “They’ve fooled around before. Nothing serious. But I thought they’ve ended things after ...” he sighed. “After you.”

     Y/N was slowly coming back to her senses, listening to Yoongi’s words. She straightened her back and freed herself from Seokjin’s arms. A thousand questions were squirming inside her head, overlapping one another before she could even concentrate enough to answer any of them.

     But there was one thing that she couldn’t shake away. “Have I imagined all of it?” she asked no one in particular. She wasn’t speaking of today, the boys were aware of that. She was talking about everything, about their whole relationship.

     Yoongi looked up at her painfully. “Oh, Y/N ... I ... I don’t know.” he finally sighed.

     She didn’t notice it but the tears had stop falling all together. She felt drained of all her energy. “I think I’m going to sleep.” she murmured at last, standing up. 

     “Y/N.” Seokjin grabbed her hand.

     She shook her head with a fake smile. “I’m ok, really.” she attempted to reassure him. “Thank you, Yoongi. For taking me home.”

     The boys watched her walk silently to her room and close the door behind her. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both immersed in their own thoughts before Yoongi stood abruptly making Seokjin look up.

     “I have to go.” he said resolutely.

     “I’m coming with you.” Seokjin stood up too.

     “No.” Yoongi shook his head looking him in the eyes. “She might be your sister, but Jungkook is like a brother to me. He has some explaining to do.”

     Seokjin stared back at him, thinking. “I’ll be at your door tomorrow morning.” 

     The other boy simply nodded. “Seems fair. Thanks.”

     On the way to the frat house, Yoongi had all the time to think about all that happened and by the time he reached their front door he was nothing but livid.

     The party was on full blast, the music on the maximum volume and people coming in and out of the building with cups full of alcohol. It wasn’t difficult to spot Jungkook - ever the star of the party, he was in the center of their living room, standing on the coffee table with Jimin and Taehyung on each side.

     Yoongi felt himself running at him before he could control himself. He forcefully grabbed him by the collar of his football jersey making both of them fall on the nearest couch. He felt his blood boiling in his veins at the look of utmost shock on his younger friend’s face.

     “Hyung!” Jimin and Taehyung screamed in unison.

     The whole living room fell silent, watching the scene in pure shock. No one had ever seen the boys fighting before and, above all, they had never seen the famously collected Yoongi get angry.

     “H-hyung?” Jungkook muttered confused. His friend was looking straight into his eyes with a sentiment that resembled disapointment and disgust too closely. And it scared him.

     The other boy tried to calm himself down. After releasing a deep breath through his nose he opened his fists, stood back up and towered over his friend in an authoritative way. “Y/N saw you.” he stated simply.

     Jungkook felt his blood run cold. The few people around them that heard Yoongi started to whisper to each other.

     “Y/N?”

     “Did he say Y/N?”

     “Professor Lee’s TA?’

     Taehyung walked to them with a serious face and pulled Jungkook up on his feet. The boy stumbled, still looking at Yoongi in terror. “Let’s take this somewhere else, guys. We’re causing a scene.”

     The three of them walked together towards the stairs, followed by a worried looking Jimin, and the eyes of half the campus.

     “What’s going on?” Jimin asked closing Jungkook’s bedroom door behind them. “What did Y/N see?”

     Jungkook was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking completely lost and unable to hear them. 

     “Yoongi?” Jimin called.

     The oldest one was leaning on the desk, his arms crossed on his chest and his eyes never leaving his best friend. “Y/N,” he started. “Saw him kissing Sarah.”

     Jungkook turned pale and hid his face in his hands with a shaky breath.

     “What?” Taehyung gasped in disbelief. “Sarah? The cheerleader?”

     When Yoongi didn’t answer the two boys felt their mouth falling open.

     “But I thought you’ve ended things with her.” Jimin murmured in disbelief.

    Yoongi sniggered half heartedly. “I thought so too.”

     “I did.” Jungkook finally spoke, his voice trembling and unable too look at his friends. “I did.”

     “Then, for fuck’s sake. What the hell happened?”

     The next words the dark haired boy spoke were muffled by a painful sob. “I fucked up.”

     The boys spent the rest of the night closed in Jungkook’s room. Listening to his side of the story and watching over him as he cried himself to sleep. The rest of them couldn’t do the same, they sat on the floor in silence listening to the party downstairs going on as if nothing had happened. 

     “What’s going to happen now?”

     “I don’t know.”

     It was 9 o’clock in the morning when someone knocked on the door, startling them. 

     Yoongi rubbed the back of his head on his tired eyes before looking back at his friend’s sleeping form. He sighed. “That’s probably Y/N’s brother. I told him he could punch him in the morning.”

     “What?” Jimin exclaimed as quietly as he could, trying not to interrupt Jungkook’s sleep. “We can’t let him do that!”

      “I know.” Yoongi sighed, opening the door still.

     To their surprise it wasn’t Seokjin, but Y/N herself. She looked tired, her eyes red and puffy. At the same time, she looked as resolute as ever.

     “Hey.” she greeted.

     “Hey.” Yoongi greeted back.

     The girl looked at the other boys behind him, staring back at her with mirroring pained expressions, and then at the bed where Jungkook was laying asleep. “Do you mind if I talk to him?”

     Yoongi closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think of a way to delay the inevitable. But he knew that this was something they had to sort out by themselves. “I ... Yeah. Just-” he took a tired deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts. “We’ll be waiting downstairs.” he concluded. “Let’s go guys.”

     Y/N watched them get past her without a word before closing the door back and walking slowly towards the bed. She sat on the edge of it and turned her eyes towards Jungkook. He was sleeping soundly, his head turned to one side and his chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Even in that moment he looked beautiful to her.

     Unlike him, she wasn’t able to close an eye that night, too busy retracing the last few months. She searched for the signs, she asked herself how could she had been so blind, she looked for an explanation. She analyzed her memories with him one by one, searching for nothing and everything at the same time. 

     When she left her apartment that morning, getting past Seokjin sleeping on the couch, she didn’t felt the same pain as the night before but a mix of anger and confusion. What she wanted now were explanations.

     It took Jungkook another thirty minutes to wake up. He opened his eyes slowly and with difficulty as they were seemed to be glued together. The first thing that happened as he came to his senses was the overpowering pain that flood his body. Remembering the events of the night before, he felt the need to curl himself up. It was then that he registered another presence in his room.

     He sat up abruptly at the sight of the girl sitting on the end of his bed.

     “The boys let me in.”

     “Y/N.” he called in a breath.

     He felt the panic rising. He wasn’t ready to confront her. From what Yoongi had told him, Y/N wasn’t doing great when he left her apartment the night before. He told him how she had cried her eyes out on their way back home. Jungkook had never seen her cry - apart from that time they watched The Notebook together - she was always so sunny all the time, always in a good mood. In the past months they never had a fight - they bickered continuously, yes, but never fight. They were always in sync, as if they could read each other’s minds. Jungkook never felt such a connection with anybody else. 

     Y/N was still looking at him. She looked at him and she saw the beautiful man she fell in love with tremble with fear. He was afraid of her. In some way, she was scared of him too. She was scared of who he was, who he really was - because that night she had come to one conclusion: she didn’t know Jungkook. She thought she did, she thought she had learned enough of him in these past months, but she was wrong. He wasn’t the great, responsible and loving person she thought he was - because the man she thought she knew wasn’t capable of breaking her trust.

     If there was something Y/N was sure about it was her worth. Her pride and her tenacity were the qualities that allowed her to be where she was today. She was intelligent, independent and determined. Y/N was strong, and she knew it. She knew that she didn’t do anything wrong to deserve his deception. She had cried her tears and felt the pain, but no more. 

     “I just want to now why.” she said, her voice a little bit too shaky for her liking.

     Jungkook closed his eyes hard, his head pounding. “Y/N ...”

     “For how long?” she pressed on.

     The boy shook his head and took another shaky breath. He stood up and walked to his desk, trying to get some space between the two of them. He couldn’t think clearly. 

     Y/N’s eyes followed him without wavering. “I’m not going anywhere until you speak.”

     Jungkook was biting hard on his lower lip in the hope to cover up the pang in his chest. He didn’t want this. He cared about her. He loved her. But he knew, deep inside, that there was no going back from what he had done. There was no turning back from this terrible mistake.

     “I’ve broken up things with her.” was all he could say.

     “You clearly haven’t.” Y/N responded in almost a clinical manner. “For how long?” she repeated. “For how long were you seeing her behind my back?”

     The boy shook his head again, letting himself fall on the chair. “I wasn’t.”

     The girl sighed, slowly getting angrier and impatient. “I saw you kiss each other yesterday. Please, be honest.”

     “I-” he mumbled, struggling to find the words. “It was a mistake.”

     Y/N couldn’t help but smirk. “Very cliché of you to say.”

     “It really was!” Jungkook exclaimed finding the courage to look at her before cowering back seeing the disdain on her face. “It- It was after the first game after winter break.” he finally admitted.

     She furrowed her brows, going back with her memories. “The first one I watched?”

     He looked up to the ceiling, wishing he could turn back time. “Yes.”

     She thought back at that day, the same day she noticed the girl for the first time. They hugged, she remembered that yesterday too. She didn’t think anything out of it when it happened. It didn’t seem important to her. 

     Was she too naive?

     “So you had sex with her? When? At the after party?”

     He nodded. “I was drunk.”

     “You were drunk.” she repeated. “Does it sound stupid only to me?”

     “No.” he gulped. “It was stupid.”

     Y/N suddenly came to a realization. “The day after,” she remembered. “You weren’t yourself ...”

     “I couldn’t believe ... I couldn’t believe it happened.”

     “You told me you fought with your sister.” she murmured in recognition.

     “I didn’t.” Jungkook responded, fingers through his hair. He wanted this torture to end.

     Y/N was feeling slightly nauseous. She was worried about him that morning, but he was fine only hours later. He had laughed with them at lunch. “And you decided it wasn’t worth ... it wasn’t important enough?” she asked, her anger rising.

     “I didn’t want to ruin anything!” the boy exclaimed in fervor, looking back at her again. “We just started-”

     “So you went on with it.” she interrupted. “As if nothing had happened.”

     “I didn’t want to-”

     “To what?” she raised her voice. “To what Jungkook? To lose me?” she laughed a cold laugh that made the boy quiver. “That’s bullshit and you know it. And then what? You continued seeing her? Those few weeks we couldn’t see each other, you were with her, weren’t you?” she accused him in one breath, thinking about how distant he had been. 

     Jungkook was petrified. He was unable to speak against her claims, he wanted to but his throat was constricted. He could feel her slipping away by the minute and he was unable to stop her. He was losing something important, and it was all his fault.

     Y/N’s breath had turned labored with the realization of how fool she had been. Four months of lies. She couldn’t believe she fell for all of it, that she fell for him. 

     What was it Y/N? Was it his looks? Was it his personality? What about him rendered you so stupid?

     Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her now. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze again but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans, where he had hidden them. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were starting to sting. What happened to me? 

     Y/N finally took a trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

     That was it. The moment when his heart broke. 

     He watched as she got on her feet, straightening invisible wrinkles on her pants before looking him directly in the eyes. She stood tall in the middle of his room, resolute and strong. Like always. She looked powerful to his eyes. A goddess he was unworthy of.

     “I don’t want to see you again.” she said in a clear voice, without hesitation. “Please, don’t come looking for me. I won’t listen.”

     She walked out of the door without looking back and Jungkook was left with nothing but the image of her closing the door decisively behind her back.

     Waiting for Y/N in the corridor were Yoongi, Jimin and Taehyung - they didn’t wait for her downstairs as they said they would, but they stayed and listened to their every word.

    She looked at them, suddenly sad. They’ve become important too. They were her friends too, now. But she couldn’t even look at them. 

     “Please, stop him if he ever decides to come after me.” she murmured before heading towards the stairs.

     “Y/N, wait!” Jimin called back at her. “He didn’t tell you everything!”

     She shook her head without stopping. “I don’t need to hear anything else.”

     “Good evening to you all - students, faculty and families. Tonight, the first thing I want to say, is congratulations to my fellow graduating Class of 2020. I am truly honored to be your commencement speaker this year. This is my second time doing a valedictorian speech - and I am not saying this to be arrogant, but to confirm that I am still imagining you without clothes to calm my nerves. The first time I made a speech of such importance, in front of so many people, I was barely 18. I remember standing proud, with my head held high, my graduating dress perfectly ironed and my eyeliner on point. What I can’t remember, is what my disquisition was about. This realization was incredibly helpful upon preparing today’s speech because now i don’t have to worry about inadvertently influencing you in changing the lives you’ve designed till now. Given that I surrendered to the idea that most of you won’t remember me, but being - still - quite proud, I, nevertheless, searched thoroughly my mind and my hearth for the right words to say to you. When I was 18, graduating high school top of my class, accepted to my first choice college, and winner of an incredible scholarship, I thought I had perfect control over what the adults called the real life. I believed that if I had everything planned, if I gave it all I had, if I didn’t let anything stop me - then, I would feel accomplished. Accomplishment is all that I’ve search for in this past four years. I set a goal and I worked hard enough to achieve it. It felt good, I can’t deny it. But today, as I look forward to the future me, I have to admit that I feel quite scared. Everything did went as I planned, but as I step closer to the end of this journey, I can’t help but ask myself: and now what? Is it going to be like this forever? An eternal marathon? Today, I’m here to share with you my conclusion. Yes, it is. It is always going to be a run. As we dream, we will always thrive, we will always feel breathless, we will always stretch our hands towards that metaphorical end. It will always be tiring because that, my friends, is the real life. It’s not getting the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect companion or the perfect 2.5 kids. Real life is about fighting against our bounds every single day. And it’s not easy. The struggle towards freedom is complicated. It takes time, it implicates a lot of bad days, it comes with pain and with loss. And that’s okay. In my opinion, there is one thing that we humans are great at: having courage. And I’m not talking about jumping from an airplane kind of courage. I’m talking about the bravery that it takes to accept failures and weakness. Life is a sculpture that you cast as you make mistakes and learn from them. So, please, if you feel you’re going to crash, step harder on the pedal. Lose your path and find another one. Even if it’s only for a day, do something, put your weakness aside. And if you feel like you don’t have a dream, that’s okay too if you have small moments of happiness. Walk forward, even if you are shaken and afraid. If you want to turn back, go straight through your mistakes and forget them all. Change your mind and change it again. Take all the wrong directions. Breath. Learn. Discover. Love. Because that is the only way you can achieve.”

     “Have you packed everything?”

     “I think so.” Y/N said looking around her messy bedroom.

     “I can’t believe you’re living me to pay the rent alone.” Seokjin said, sitting on her bare bed. 

     The girl smiled, shaking her head. “I’m going to miss you too.”

     A week had already passed since her graduation and her questionably successful valedictorian speech. Y/N was now ready to start a new journey. She had been, of course, accepted to Med School and was moving miles and miles away that same morning. She couldn’t wait. She liked the adrenaline that came with change.

     To say that the last few months had been hard was an understatement. After everything that happened with Jungkook it took everything she got to get a grip of her life. Her anger was of great help, the disappointment fueled her. 

     Jungkook didn’t look for her, just as she had asked him that morning. She thought it was what she wanted but, as it turned out, a part of her kept waiting for him to come.

     She changed all of her routine, nonetheless, in the effort to avoid anything that remembered her of him. She stopped going to the park on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, she stopped going to the library on Wednesday afternoons, she stopped going to her favorite café.

     All she did was concentrate in finishing the last month of her college life, pretending that everything was fine until it became reality. By June, as the saying went, time had started to heal everything. All that remained was regret.

     Once her anger and her pain had subsided, Y/N felt rational enough to think about all the situation again. Truth be told, she wouldn’t have changed anything about this past year, she would have wanted everything to go just as it did. Because even if it turned out to be a lie, Jungkook had gifted her a lot of wonderful memories. What she regretted was the lack of conclusion. She felt that there was something more to say between them, but as time passed her pride and stubbornness grew stronger ‘til it was too late to go back.

     Yoongi and the other boys had looked for her the first couple of weeks after the fight. They texted her, called her and came to her apartment a couple times. Y/N knew that they had nothing to do with Jungkook’s mistakes and the right and mature thing to do was to separate her feelings towards him from her affection for them. But Y/N wasn’t able to do it and soon they stopped trying. That was another thing she regretted.

     Namjoon and Ashley were the only ones she didn’t kept away. They were just as shocked as her at the news of what had happened. Ashley knew Sarah, the cheerleader, quite well too, since they majored together in Botanics. That was how Y/N learned that the book Jungkook had bought all those months ago wasn’t for his sister but for her. Another little and stupid lie among the rest.

     The rest of the student body had a field day the morning after the infamous BTS party. None of them really knew what happened but they knew that it involved the quarterback and Professor Lee’s TA. The rumors went wild, the whispering following the group whenever they went. The campus was so used to seeing the seven of them together that the sudden change gave them a whiplash. 

     But in the end, even their curiosity ceased to exist.

     Life went on. Unstoppable. 

     What felt like an eternity were in fact only a few months. What seemed like the most tragic moment of her life was nothing more than a distant memory.

     “Come on, let’s carry these to the car. The earlier we leave, the earlier we’ll arrive. ” Seokjin said pointing at the last two boxes. “You’re really a grown up now.” he sighed dramatically melanconic. 

     “Guess I am.” she giggled.

     As Seokjin’s car rapidly passed in front of her college gates, Y/N couldn’t help herself but give a final last longing look. She had already said all her goodbyes. There was nothing left for her there.

     “Hi, Y/N. This is Sarah, from college. I think you’ll remember me as the captain of the cheerleading squad. I got your number from one of Jungkook’s friends, I really hope you don’t mind. I’m writing you because I’ve met Ashley the other day and she told me about what happened between you and Jungkook two months ago. Please, don’t blame her, she let it slip, I’m the one who insisted. It might be too late now, and you’ve probably moved on, but I thought it was only right I tell you my version of the story. I’ve slept with Jungkook a total of six times, five of which were before the end of the year. New Year’s was supposed to be the last time. He told me that he wanted to end things and I had accepted. It was nothing serious between us, just sex, so we parted our ways easily. I didn’t know you guys had started dating, none of us did. And let me tell you, you had been great at keeping it for yourselves. The last time I slept with Jungkook wasn’t planned at all. We were both drunk, I don’t even remember it. He was out of his mind the next morning. I didn’t investigate, maybe I should have had. I would have told him to man up and tell you everything. All hell went loose a month later, when I discovered I was pregnant. As you can imagine, it was a total nightmare. I was positive it was his, so I told him about it. He didn’t took it well either but he offered to take care of me. To do the right thing, let’s say. He was great, really. Helped me a lot during those weeks. When you saw us that night, after the game, I kissed him because I taught it was the right step to take. It clearly wasn’t, he rejected me and got drunk at the after party. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you two were together, believe me. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did. For all that matters, it turned out that the baby isn’t his after all. I got the paternity test results the other week. He is a good guy, Y/N. Thinking about it, I’m pretty sure he was in love with you. He just wanted to do the right thing. I hope you can forgive him. And I really am sorry. Hope you have a nice day. Sarah.” 

Reblogging in case you’ve missed it 🥺

Snapdragon

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre College AU | Fratboy AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Cheating

Word count 20k

Summary Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were also starting to sting. What’s happening to me? Y/N finally took a deep trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him in the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

A/N Beware of poetic license and heavy citations. Currently editing.

©️ dfdph, 2020

Keep reading

Daffodil - Preview

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female) ; Hoseok / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Release March 8, 2021

Summary “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first!

©️ dfdph, 2021 - All rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Daffodil - Preview

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female) ; Hoseok / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Release March 8, 2021

Summary “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him … I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so … I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first!

©️ dfdph, 2021 - All rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Daffodil - Sneak Peek

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female) ; Hoseok / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Release March 9, 2021

Summary  “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

Disclaimer English is not my first language, you might find a couple of mistakes here and there.

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first! I’m postponing for the last time, I swear! Since I’m terrible at following my own time table, here’s a little sneak peek to make up for my delay. See you tomorrow! 

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

[...]

     To keep herself occupied, Y/N decided to bring her new sketchbook and pencils to her new favorite coffee shop down the street. She discovered it during one of her runs and fell in love with it. It was small but cozy, with wooden furniture, lots of plants and delicious chocolate muffins.

     Drawing was one of those hobbies she had lost during Med School and rediscovered during this period of vacation. Since she lost practice, she wasn’t as good as she was before and wasn’t as satisfied with her portraits as she used to, crumpling and wasting more paper than she cared to admit. 

      Today’s subject was a little boy, peacefully doing his homework with his legs dangling under the table, his mother next to him reading a heavy looking book while sipping a cup of something smoking hot. He was just too cute to ignore. She was just sketching his left eye when she suddenly heard a male voice calling her name.

     “Y/N? Is that you?”

     She looked up at the sound. It took her a second to recognize the man standing next to her. He had changed over the years, looking more mature. He was wearing glasses now, a pair that made him look alluring, a vibe enhanced by his attire: black turtleneck, black trousers and black chelsea boots.

     “Yoongi?” Y/N exclaimed standing up. She gave him a quick instinctive hug, her body moving on its own accord. The man didn’t seem to mind, embracing her back with the same amount of affection. She couldn’t help but being surprised of seeing him. What were the chances of meeting someone you haven’t talked to for years in such a big city?

     “How are you?” the man sincerely smiled down to her. He too looked genuinely happy to see her. “It’s been ages since we last saw each other.”

     “My graduation.” she nodded sitting back down. “I’m fine, great actually. How about you? Hey,” she added shyly, not waiting for an answer. “Why don’t you seat with me. We could catch up.”

     “Actually,” Yoongi responded tentatively. “I’m meeting with the guys. Do you mind if they join us? I bet they would be happy to see you.”

     “By the guys, you mean the guys? You’re still in touch with each other?”

     Yoongi smirked sitting down on the chair in front of her and ordering an ice americano to a passing by waiter. “Of course we are. We’re brothers, you know?”

     Y/N smiled fondly in response. “Right.” They really were brothers. Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook were inseparable even back then. For a period of time Y/N was part of that family too. She felt nostalgic all of a sudden. “How are they? How are they doing?”

     “They’re doing great. Jimin and Taehyung work for the same magazine and are still as annoying as ever.” he smirked. “I’m still working in that research laboratory from years ago, remember? The one that hired me straight out of college.”

     “What about Jungkook?” Y/N asked. “Did he get into Med School?”

     “He did, actually. He’s going to start his residency this summer.” he answered. “How about you? Are you still focused on becoming the greatest heart surgeon of the country?”

     “You remember that?” Y/N giggled, recognizing her old catch phrase. “Of course I am. I’m starting my residency this summer too.”

     “Really? In the city? In what hospital? You and Jungkook might go to the same one.” 

     Before she could answer his question, Y/N heard her name being called once again, this time by two loud men. Jimin and Taehyung walked up to them with complete surprise printed on their faces. The last thing they expected to see that morning was their long-time friend sitting next to such a familiar face.

     Just like Yoongi, the two boys had changed quite a lot over four years. If possible, they became even more handsome. Taehyung had longer hair now, dark wavy locks falling over his eyes, giving him some kind of gloomy and mysterious vibe. He seemed broader too, his shoulders wider than she remembered. His fashion style had changed too, going from college heartthrob to company executive. Jimin had gone blonde, a color that suited him very well, in a manner that made him look ethereal like a prince. He looked like he walked straight from a fashion shoot, wearing luxurious looking shoes and sunglasses and standing there with all of his confident aura. 

     Y/N didn’t need to look around to know that their presence had captured the attention of everyone inside the shop and she found herself smiling.

     Just like the old days.

     “Jimin, Taehyung.” she saluted them with a hug as well. She wasn’t sure if it was to be considered awkward greeting someone she hadn’t seen for years like that, but she did it nonetheless. “Long time no see.”

     “No kidding!” the blonde said, grabbing a chair from the next table to join them. Taehyung followed him suit. “Are you back in town?”

     Y/N nodded. “I was just saying to Yoongi that I’m going to take my residency here.”

     “In that big ass hospital a few minutes from here?” Jimin asked.

     “Yeah, that.”

     “Jungkook also got accepted there.” Taehyung said before furrowing his brows. “That might be awkward.” He added before he could stop himself.

     Y/N shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t think so. It’s all water under the bridge. I mean, it was a long time ago.” she answered sincerely. All her feelings for him had vanished years ago. Truth be told, their memories together had become blurry too, a little bit romanticized even. Those few times she inevitably found herself thinking about him over the past few weeks was with fondness and a little bit of regret, but nothing more.

     Yoongi sighed. “About that.” he exchanged a furtive look with the others. “We never had the chance to clear things out. I’m not sure this is the right time or place since we just met each other again, but the thing is -”

     The woman put a hand up interrupting him. “There’s no need, Yoongi. Sarah explained everything to me a couple of months after graduation.”

     The boys stared at her with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

     “Sarah? That Sarah?” Taehyung clarified.

     Y/N nodded. “That Sarah. She sent me a message after she learned about me and Jungkook.” She remembered how unexpected it had been, much like a bolt from the blue. Just when all thoughts of him had finally disappeared, after weeks of anger and pain, everything she believed he did turned out to be a total misunderstanding. It gave her quite a whiplash.

     “Then, if you knew what really happened, why didn’t you contact us?” Jimin asked with a pout, half teasing and half serious. “We tried reaching out to you a lot of times but ...”

     “Don’t try making her feel guilty, Jimin.” Yoongi rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

     “No, he’s right.” the girl sighed playing with the teaspoon of her hot chocolate. After leaving their frat house that morning, the three boys had tried speaking to her for weeks, calling her, waiting for her after her classes and even coming to her apartment. But she never gave them a chance, too hurt to be able to separate her feelings towards Jungkook from those for the three of them. “I should have called you.” she admitted. “It’s just that ... I don’t know. I thought it was futile, too much time had passed. We all moved on with our lives by then.”

     The guys exchanged a quick knowing look, a little sad. 

     “I am sorry.” she said finally, looking up. “I guess it was immature of me.”

[...]

Daffodil 

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Word count 21k

Summary  “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

Disclaimer English is not my first language and I might be a little out of practice.

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first! I made good use of my Grey’s Anatomy knowledge. This is yet to be proof read. To be edited.

Freesia (drabble)

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Part 1

     Mar. - June

     The cup of coffee had run cold in her hands, untouched. She had been staring at it for quite a while now, lost in her chaotic thoughts, trying unsuccessfully to calm down her breathing. She was well aware of the fact that her hands had never sweat that much in her life and that her lower lip was a another bite away from bleeding. 

     Y/N had never been this anxious before, not even the day she waited for the acceptance notice from her Med School of choice. Maybe that was it. Choice. She didn’t have any this time. Her future was in the hands of an algorithm. 

     She had spent last night tossing around in her bed, thinking. The fact that she couldn’t control in any way the results of the Match drove her crazy. Yes, she did submit a rank list and yes, she did aced both her Medical Licensing Examinations and yes, she was top of the class of one of the best Medical programs of the country. But this time she was not sure that was going to be enough. 

     Residency programs were highly competitive, especially those of general surgery. The best teaching hospitals only took a bunch of interns every year and obviously everyone wanted to get in their first choice. Unfortunately, that wasn’t always the case. Once the algorithm had decided your destination, that was it, there was no changing it. You could either accept it or take a year off and try again.  

     The uncertainty scared Y/N to no end. Since she was a teenager she had had her future planned perfectly. It was a detailed seven-steps-plan that she swore with her life to follow rigorously. First, graduate high school with the highest GPA and do some volunteering in the big public clinic in her neighborhood. Second, get into the best college and get a Major in Biology. Third, ace the Medical College Admission Test. Four, get into the best Med School of the country. Five, attend Med School and pass all the Boards top of the class. Six, get into the best general surgery residency program and complete it. Seven, finish fellowship in Cardio-thoracics. 

     Steps one to five weren’t too difficult to achieve. Y/N wasn’t presumptuous - not too much anyways -, but she was one to work hard to reach her goals, whatever they may be. Always independent and maybe a little bit too proud, Y/N was confident in saying that she got where she were all by herself. She liked having control over her life, so this time, for step number six of her plan, it was only normal that she was a bit more anxious than usual.

     She dreaded the Match Day. What if she wasn’t accepted into her first choice? If she wanted to become a great heart surgeon she needed to get into the best surgery program. Of course, she knew that getting into any program was something to be happy about - but who was she kidding, the best was the best for a reason. And she wanted it. 

     She had been working hard since she was fourteen. Fast forward 12 years and she was now 26 years old, two steps away from finally achieving her dream. 

     This was it.

     It was customary to attend a big party during Match Day, one where all the aspiring residents would open their envelopes all together to share their destiny, good or bad. It wasn’t Y/N’s type of thing. She invited only the closest to her, all now sitting in her small living room. Her brother Seokjin had taken a few days off from work and had flew miles to be with her on this special day. He wished, just as much as Y/N did, that she would be assigned to the teaching hospital of her choice, not only because it had the best surgery program but also because it was the very same hospital he was working in as a nurse. He couldn’t wait to finally have her little sister back home and to call her his colleague. 

     Sitting next to Seokjin was Namjoon, her forever best friend. Even if the two of them parted ways after college - the man choosing to stay in order to earn a Master in Diplomacy and International Relations - they continuously stayed in contact through the years, as if they lived only a few minutes apart. It was clear that their bond was unbreakable. Any excuse was good enough to go and visit his best friend and today wasn’t an exception. Just like Seokjin, Namjoon gladly took a few days off from his job as a Foreign Affairs Specialist on the making and brought with him his longtime girlfriend Ashley.

      Over the years the two girls had built a strong bond, to the point that they called each other the best of friends. Of course, Namjoon loved the fact that the two most important women in his life were so close. Ashley was the best girl friend Y/N ever had - she always preferred hanging out with men. Girls were typically over competitive about even the smallest and shallowest of things, a trait that Y/N didn’t appreciate because - well, she already was the most competitive person she knew, and she was more than enough. Ashley, on the other hand, was anything but. She somehow lived in her own world made of flowers and trees, bringing the carelessness that sometimes Y/N unfortunately lacked of. 

     Beside her was Y/N’s boyfriend of two years, Hoseok. The two of them had known each other since college, him being a waiter in Y/N’s favorite coffee shop, but weren’t actually that close. After graduation, just as simple acquaintances do, they parted ways and never talked to each other again. Until two years later, after accepting a job offer as a choreographer for a big dancing school, Hoseok moved in the apartment next to Y/N’s. The transition was easy after that: a couple of drinks reminiscing about the past and a couple of dates talking about the future. 

     Y/N found in Hoseok the perfect boyfriend, so perfect, in fact, that sometimes she found herself thinking that he was especially crafted for her. He was just as ambitious and hard working as her, so they often found themselves encouraging each other. He knew how to lift the over bearing pressure over her shoulders and she was the inspiration in his everyday life. As a couple, they had a lot of fun, sometimes by going to crafty original dates and sometimes just by dancing around in their now shared living room.

     When the time to send the applications for the Resident Matching Program came, Y/N found herself surprisingly hesitant because winning an internship meant that she would likely had to move across the country. She didn’t doubt for a second that following her dreams was the right thing to do, it was still her first priority, but she knew that it was a choice that would bring a strain to their perfect relationship. Yet Hoseok once again didn’t disappoint her. 

     The evening that they sat on the couch together to talk about it, the man stayed silent for a moment before releasing a long breath. He hugged her close and reassured her, saying that they both knew that this moment was going to come, that he would never ask her to stay for something as trivial as distance and that she had worked too hard to get where she was to second guess. Even if it was going to be difficult he was going to support her no matter what, even if it meant that he had to quit his job and move across the country with her. A part of Y/N knew it was egoistical of her to find comfort in his words, but nevertheless felt reassured that they were on the same page as always. 

     So the plan was this: Y/N would move wherever she had to, in time for the beginning of her training in July, and Hoseok would follow her in June, once the project he was working on was completed. They knew they could bear a few months apart and jokingly took it as a chance to test their love.

     Hoseok knew very well how important this moment was for Y/N. Since they were in college she was famous for being the perfect student, the valedictorian of their year. He knew how hard she worked for this very day and he also knew how scared she was of not being matched to her dream surgery program. He knew that she wasn’t able to sleep last night, he felt her tossing around beside him, lost in her thoughts. He didn’t try to comfort her though because he knew it wasn’t what she needed and that it would only worsen her anxiety. 

     The signs of her distress was clear all over her body, everyone from the couch could see them. She was still staring at her coffee cup, biting away over her lip. She was pale and even the make up she had put on for the occasion couldn’t hide the dark circles under her eyes. The computer was all set up in front of her on the coffee table, her inbox page ready to be refreshed for the special email. 

     “Am I the only one who doesn’t understand why she’s so anxious?”, Seokjin murmured in Namjoon’s ear. “She’s literally the smartest person on this planet.”

     “I know, right?”, the other boy murmured back. “As if she ever failed anything in her life.”

     “Yeah. Do you know how annoying that is? I’m stuck with being the handsome and funny one in the family.” Y/N’s brother sighed dramatically making the others laugh.

     “Now that I’m thinking about it, I actually did never saw her fail in anything. Not once.”, Namjoon huffed. “You’re right, she’s gonna get what she wants this time as well.”

     “No doubt.”, Ashley nodded.

     “Come on, guys.”, Hoseok said under his breath, trying to hide a smile. “She’s human too.”

     “Are you sure?”, the three of them responded all together, louder than they meant to. 

     Y/N jumped from her place on the armchair, startled by the sound. “What?”, she asked looking up.

     “Nothing, sis. We were just talking about how unnecessarily anxious you are.”

     “Jin!”

     “Come on, Ash. You were with us just a second ago. She’s gonna get in and we all know it.”

     Y/N gasped. “Oh my god! I swear if you just jinxed it I’m going to kill you.”

     “As if.”

     Y/N sighed and run her hands through her hair. “I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Seriously.”

     Hoseok walked up to stand beside her and put an arm around her shoulders reassuringly. “Babe, what we’re saying is that you’re so brilliant that it is statistically impossible for you to not be matched to your first choice. You have nothing to worry about.”

     “You guys are really jinxing it.” she cried leaning against her boyfriend. The man hugged her closer.

     “Listen, Y/N.” Seokjin sighed as theatrical as always. “No one was surprised when you got a scholarship for three of the best colleges of the country. No one was surprised when you entered Med School either. And no one is going to be surprised this time as well. I’m telling you ... if you don’t get that internship at that goddamn hospital I am going to pierce my tongue!”

     The woman giggled, successfully distracted. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

     “That you do.”

     “Anyways, guys.” Ashley exclaimed. “It’s almost time!”

     Y/N looked down at her wrist watch: 11.58 a.m. Ashley was right, two more minutes and her future was going to begin. She actually said that same phrase at least three other times in her life and also meant it , but this one was different. Her residency would define the surgeon she was going to be and to be the best surgeon, she needed to match with the best program. 

     She felt her heartbeat fasten once again and before she knew it she started clicking on the refresh button aggressively. 

     11.59. Nothing yet. 

     She was really going to have a heart attack at 26. Which, now that she thought about it, was very ironic since she wanted to become a Cardio-thoracic surgeon.

     12.00. One last refresh. The others leant forward, ready to capture every change in her expression. Ready to celebrate.

     There was it, punctual as predicted. With a trembling finger Y/N clicked on the link, holding her breath. 

     Hoseok was the first one to react. He smiled widely just a few seconds after the page opened. It wasn’t easy to miss it, really: it was written in bold black letters. Y/N, on the other hand, had to read the sentence at least ten times before believing it.

     “Oh my god.”, she gasped.

     “Come on, guys. On my three let’s all act surprised!”

     “Remember to call me when you get there.” Hoseok said, squeezing his girlfriend in his arms. This was more difficult that the both of them thought it would be. 

     They were standing a few meters away from the airport security gates, saying their goodbyes before Y/N’s flight. Three weeks had passed since Y/N discovered she was accepted to her dream job. She was ecstatic, of course. Everything she ever wanted was coming true. Plus, after four years away she finally got to go back home, even if it meant living with her annoying brother again. She couldn’t wait to practice real medicine on real patients with real pathologies. She could finally start calling herself a doctor. Doctor Y/L/N. She loved the sound of that.

     Of course, the downside of it all was that she had to leave Hoseok behind. Even if it was only for a couple of months. Knowing that this moment was bound to arrive didn’t make it any easier.

     “I’m going to miss you so much.” she murmured in his chest, inhaling deeply. She was going to miss his smell, so particular - it was what she thought the sun would smell like, mixed with a little bit of vanilla. She was going to miss how his hugs would engulf her and make her feel safe, or the way he laughed, his boisterous laugh. Jung Hoseok was the only one who could make her stop from continuously running. He brought peace in her overworking mind.

     “I’m going to miss you too.” he sighed kissing her forehead. “But we are going to get through this. I’m going to call you every hour ‘til you get tired of me.”

     Y/N smiled. “If you do call me every hour I will get tired of you.”, she looked up to his eyes, her chin resting on his chest. “A call every five hours should do it.”

     “Every five hours? That sounds outrageous.”

     “Doctors are very busy, don’t you know that?”

     Hoseok smiled sweetly down at her. “Doctor.”, he repeated proudly. “My girlfriend is a doctor. How cool is that?”

     “Super cool.” Y/N giggled.

     The man sighed one more time, turning serious once again. He leaned to give her a slow but deep kiss, trying to convey all his emotions. “I love you.”, he was usually the shiest of the pair in voicing his emotions, but this time there was no holding back.

     Y/N felt a single tear running down her cheek. “I love you too.”

     “Don’t you feel like we’re two overdramatic teenagers?”

     The woman giggled giving him a cheesy peck on the lips. “Who cares.”

     Moving back with her brother was just as annoying as she predicted it was going to be. She loved him to bits, really, but after four years she forgot how exasperating Seokjin could be. 

     He still lived in the same apartment as years ago, the one near her college, but he had completely taken over it, as it was expected. It became the definition of a man cave, complete with unironed sheets and expired milk bottles. His excuse was the lack of time and energy caused by his agonizing long shifts at the hospital, to which Y/N often responded that it was only an excuse and what he really needed was a partner in his life. The bright side was that he was still the great cook she remembered he was.

     With the move Y/N rediscovered her old habits. For starters she began going on frequent jogs again, something she had stopped doing because it turned out that Med School was much more demanding and draining than college. The neighborhood park was as beautiful as she remembered, especially with the spring colors. And it was during one of those morning runs that she bumped into her old Physiology teacher, Professor Lee, the one she used to TA for. She was extremely fond of him. He was the most feared teacher of their major, the most strict and hated of them all. But he was actually quite pleasant with Y/N, he was the one who wrote the greatest recommendation letter she could hope for, the one that most probably got her into Med School. They caught up on their lives over a cup of americano in her favorite coffee shop, the very one near the big fountain in their college square. 

     That was a nice trip to memory lane too. For instance, that was the place where she met Hoseok for the very first time. But aside from him, the place did hold a lot of memories. Most of them very happy too. And most of them involved a group of loud boys.

     For the first time since forever she found herself thinking about them, wondering how they were doing. They shared a lot of time together during senior year, they were practically inseparable. It was unfortunate that they parted ways in such an unfriendly manner. 

     Discovering that her boyfriend of the time, the one she thought had cheated on her, the one she hated like no one else, was actually a good man ... well, it didn’t do any good to her conscience. She thought about reaching out to him, to clear things up and give their relationship the conclusion it deserved. But too much time had passed and she didn’t find it in her to open old wounds. For all she knew he moved on with his life. The truth was, she was just too proud.

     It burdened her for quite some time, until it didn’t anymore. 

     She smiled thinking about it now, because what felt like the biggest heartbreak of her life was actually just a few months fling. Insignificant compared to what she had with Hoseok. 

     “I found this great apartment ten minutes from the hospital.” she was just telling him over the phone. “It’s a little bit small but it has all we need. It’s freshly renovated and the shower is quite big.”

     “We do love a big shower.”

     “We do.”, Y/N nodded stealing a potato chip from her brother who was scrolling through the Netflix page for their movie night. “I also did some research and there’s this dance school just a couple blocks away. It’s nothing like the one you are working in now but it looked nice.”

     “Nice is good, I suppose.”, Hoseok giggled. “I can work with nice.”

     “If they hire you you can make them great. No, Jin. Not The Hangover again. Let’s watch something serious for once.” 

     “Serious is annoying. And we already have you for that.” Seokjin responded pointedly.

     “Shut up. Hobi, I’m telling you, I can’t wait for you to get here so I can finally get rid of my obnoxious brother.” 

     Since her training wasn’t going to start ‘til July, Y/N had a lot of time in her hands. Months of it. It was nice the very first weeks but it soon got boring. She settled all there was to be settled and now she didn’t know what to do with herself. She was beginning to feel restless, she wasn’t used to having so much free time. She started second guessing her decision to move so many months prior the beginning of the program. Other than apartment hunting and settling those couple of other boring things, she discovered that there really was no need to leave this early. She could be with her boyfriend now.

     Hoseok, on the other hand, was busier than ever. His crew was hired to dance in a music video of a pop singer, which was supposedly a big thing, something that would open him - the main dancer and the choreographer - a lot of doors in the industry. So over the past month all he ever did was work in the dance studio, to the point that he almost lived there and he was so busy and tired that their daily calls got shorter and shorter. Not that Y/N blamed him, she was happy for this opportunity. If anything it lifted a heavy burden from her shoulders. The truth was she felt guilty for putting her dreams before his, for forcing him to leave everything to follow her. He never blamed her for it, of course. He never showed an ounce of hesitation.

    To keep herself occupied, Y/N decided to bring her new sketchbook and pencils to her new favorite coffee shop down the street. She discovered it during one of her runs and fell in love with it. It was small but cozy, with wooden furniture, lots of plants and delicious chocolate muffins.

    Drawing was one of those hobbies she had lost during Med School and rediscovered during this period of vacation. Since she lost practice, she wasn’t as good as she was before and wasn’t as satisfied with her portraits as she used to, crumpling and wasting more paper than she cared to admit.

     Today’s subject was a little boy, peacefully doing his homework with his legs dangling under the table, his mother next to him reading a heavy looking book while sipping a cup of something smoking hot. He was just too cute to ignore. She was just sketching his left eye when she suddenly heard a male voice calling her name.

    “Y/N? Is that you?”

    She looked up at the sound. It took her a second to recognize the man standing next to her. He had changed over the years, looking more mature. He was wearing glasses now, a pair that made him look alluring, a vibe enhanced by his attire: black turtleneck, black trousers and black chelsea boots.

    “Yoongi?” Y/N exclaimed standing up. She gave him a quick instinctive hug, her body moving on its own accord. The man didn’t seem to mind, embracing her back with the same amount of affection. She couldn’t help but being surprised of seeing him. What were the chances of meeting someone you haven’t talked to for years in such a big city?

    “How are you?” the man sincerely smiled down to her. He too looked genuinely happy to see her. “It’s been ages since we last saw each other.”

    “My graduation.” she nodded sitting back down. “I’m fine, great actually. How about you? Hey,” she added shyly, not waiting for an answer. “Why don’t you seat with me. We could catch up.”

    “Actually,” Yoongi responded tentatively. “I’m meeting with the guys. Do you mind if they join us? I bet they would be happy to see you.”

    “By the guys, you mean the guys? You’re still in touch with each other?”

    Yoongi smirked sitting down on the chair in front of her and ordering an ice americano to a passing by waiter. “Of course we are. We’re brothers, you know?”

    Y/N smiled fondly in response. “Right.” They really were brothers. Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook were inseparable even back then. For a period of time Y/N was part of that family too. She felt nostalgic all of a sudden. “How are they? How are they doing?”

    “They’re doing great. Jimin and Taehyung work for the same magazine and are still as annoying as ever.” he smirked. “I’m still working in that research laboratory from years ago, remember? The one that hired me straight out of college.”

    “What about Jungkook?” Y/N asked. “Did he get into Med School?”

    “He did, actually. He’s going to start his residency this summer.” he answered. “How about you? Are you still focused on becoming the greatest heart surgeon of the country?”

    “You remember that?” Y/N giggled, recognizing her old catch phrase. “Of course I am. I’m starting my residency this summer too.”

    “Really? In the city? In what hospital? You and Jungkook might go to the same one.”

    Before she could answer his question, Y/N heard her name being called once again, this time by two loud men. Jimin and Taehyung walked up to them with complete surprise printed on their faces. The last thing they expected to see that morning was their long-time friend sitting next to such a familiar face.

    Just like Yoongi, the two boys had changed quite a lot over four years. If possible, they became even more handsome. Taehyung had longer hair now, dark wavy locks falling over his eyes, giving him some kind of gloomy and mysterious vibe. He seemed broader too, his shoulders wider than she remembered. His fashion style had changed too, going from college heartthrob to company executive. Jimin had gone blonde, a color that suited him very well, in a manner that made him look ethereal like a prince. He looked like he walked straight from a fashion shoot, wearing luxurious looking shoes and sunglasses and standing there with all of his confident aura.

    Y/N didn’t need to look around to know that their presence had captured the attention of everyone inside the shop and she found herself smiling.

    Just like the old days.

    “Jimin, Taehyung.” she saluted them with a hug as well. She wasn’t sure if it was to be considered awkward greeting someone she hadn’t seen for years like that, but she did it nonetheless. “Long time no see.”

    “No kidding!” the blonde said, grabbing a chair from the next table to join them. Taehyung followed him suit. “Are you back in town?”

    Y/N nodded. “I was just saying to Yoongi that I’m going to take my residency here.”

    “In that big ass hospital a few minutes from here?” Jimin asked.

    “Yeah, that.”

    “Jungkook also got accepted there.” Taehyung said before furrowing his brows. “That might be awkward.” He added before he could stop himself.

    Y/N shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t think so. It’s all water under the bridge. I mean, it was a long time ago.” she answered sincerely. All her feelings for him had vanished years ago. Truth be told, their memories together had become blurry too, a little bit romanticized even. Those few times she inevitably found herself thinking about him over the past few weeks was with fondness and a little bit of regret, but nothing more.

    Yoongi sighed. “About that.” he exchanged a furtive look with the others. “We never had the chance to clear things out. I’m not sure this is the right time or place since we just met each other again, but the thing is -”

    The woman put a hand up interrupting him. “There’s no need, Yoongi. Sarah explained everything to me a couple of months after graduation.”

    The boys stared at her with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

    “Sarah? That Sarah?” Taehyung clarified.

    Y/N nodded. “That Sarah. She sent me a message after she learned about me and Jungkook.” She remembered how unexpected it had been, much like a bolt from the blue. Just when all thoughts of him had finally disappeared, after weeks of anger and pain, everything she believed he did turned out to be a total misunderstanding. It gave her quite a whiplash.

    “Then, if you knew what really happened, why didn’t you contact us?” Jimin asked with a pout, half teasing and half serious. “We tried reaching out to you a lot of times but ...”

    “Don’t try making her feel guilty, Jimin.” Yoongi rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

    “No, he’s right.” the girl sighed playing with the teaspoon of her hot chocolate. After leaving their frat house that morning, the three boys had tried speaking to her for weeks, calling her, waiting for her after her classes and even coming to her apartment. But she never gave them a chance, too hurt to be able to separate her feelings towards Jungkook from those for the three of them. “I should have called you.” she admitted. “It’s just that ... I don’t know. I thought it was futile, too much time had passed. We all moved on with our lives by then.”

    The guys exchanged a quick knowing look, a little sad.

    “I am sorry.” she said finally, looking up. “I guess it was immature of me.”

     “We get it.”, Yoongi reassured her with a smile. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you.”

     “Anyways,”, Taehyung clapped. “What’s done is done, we can all be friends again now.”

     So they spent the next hour talking and laughing, catching up about their lives and awakening their old friendship while waiting for Jungkook, who was running late. It was simple to fall at ease with each other and Y/N was grateful too see that there was no awkwardness between them. More than what happened with Jungkook, she regretted cutting ties with them the most. Maybe it was strange, they barely spent together half a year, but she really was fond of them. What she loved the most about them was how easily they could make her laugh. She never admitted it out loud, but with all the stress that came with senior year their company became her only escape from reality.

     “So tell us, Y/N.”, Jimin said with a teasing tone. “How’s your love life going?”

     She shook her head amused. “Still a gossiper I see.”

     “Come on, its been four years since you broke up with Jungkook. You said it yourself, all water under the bridge. No hard feelings here. I wanna know the juicy stuff.”

     Y/N laughed. “Fine. I’ve been in a relationship for two years. You might remember him actually. Hoseok? From college?”

     “Hoseok?”, Taehyung repeated. “The waiter from our coffee shop?”

     Y/N nodded.

     “Wow.”, Jimin exhaled. “Isn’t he the one who spilled the beans about Jungkook and Sarah?”

     “Jimin.”, Yoongi admonished him once again.

     “What? It’s a fact! It’s not like I’m accusing him or anything.”, the other snorted. “I liked the guy.”

     “Is it weird?”, Y/N asked sincerely curious. “Not that it matters, but do you think Jungkook will find it weird?”

     “Found what weird?”, asked a voice making Y/N jump on her seat for the third time that morning. “Y/N.”, he breathed. “I thought it was you.”

     If the other guys changed, Jungkook went through a complete evolution. He was already something before, but this ... this was another thing altogether. Just like Taehyung, he had grown his hair longer and got a lot more muscular, he also got both of his ears pierced, more than a couple of silver rings adorning them. He had a black leather jacket over a black shirt, a couple of buttons undone showing maybe a little bit too much of his chest. His jaw was as sharp as ever and his eyes shone with a mischievous light. 

     She would never admit it but her heart did skip a bit.

     “Jungkook.”

     Meeting Jungkook again went more bizarrely than what she expected. She had to admit that she did thought about it more than once, years ago, fantasized even. She thought about what she would say to him, what he would say to her. She imagined them getting back together, or parting ways once again. She thought about saying sorry to him for not giving him the benefit of the doubt. And then she stopped thinking about it altogether.

     But seeing him again that day ... well, it was weird. The fact that he looked completely different from what she remembered was stupidly surprising. Whenever he popped into her mind she imagined the old Jungkook, frozen in time, not this. Back in college he already was handsome and charismatic, the very good looking and talented quarterback that everybody loved and admired. But this was a whole other level of ridiculous. And Y/N was only human, she didn’t even had the time to control her thoughts before it was too late.

     He was sexy as hell.

     So she felt somehow uneasy, despite what she had said just minutes ago about things being in the past. Plus, to make the situation even weirder, the fact that they ended things the way that they did made the both of them act like two awkward teenagers.

     “Hi.”

     “Hi.”

     “How are you?”

     “I’m fine, thank you. How about you?”

     “I’m fine, too.”

     “That’s good.”

     “Yeah.”

     The other boys watched the scene with amusement. It was only predictable that two exes meeting again after a long time would act that way. None of them expected hugs and kisses, of course. 

     “Sorry I’m late, guys.”, Jungkook finally said, looking away from Y/N and sitting on the empty chair they saved for him. They were getting a little too crowded around the table which was originally meant for two people, but none of them made a move.

     “No problem.”, responded Jimin. “Y/N here was keeping us great company. Where were you anyways?”

     “Uhm.”, Jungkook mumbled scratching his neck, clearly embarrassed. “Lisa’s car broke down so I had to pick her up.”

     Y/N felt uneasy, the sole reason being that he looked in discomfort as well. She could only imagine that Lisa was his girlfriend.

     “Is she okay?”, Taehyung asked.

     “Yeah, she was just running late for work so she asked me to accompany her.”

     There was a moment of silence where Taehyung, Jimin and Yoongi watched as the other two avoided looking at each other.

     Y/N had no memory of Jungkook being timid, if anything he was one of the most confident person she knew. Now that she thought about it, they often bickered over their respective cockiness. She sighed, gathering some courage to speak. 

     This is ridiculous. We broke up ages ago.

     “The guys told me that you’re starting your residency this summer.”, she said at the end. Someone had to act maturely.

     “Oh yeah. This July.”, he answered, looking happy that she had taken the first step. “How about you? Are you back in town?”

     “Yeah. We’re going to be colleagues, actually.”, she said tentatively watching his reaction.

     He smiled lightly at her, unsurprised. “I was sure we would be.”, he admitted catching Y/N and the others by surprise.

     “You were?”, she exclaimed.

     “You always aimed for the best.”, he smirked knowingly, finally resembling the smug boy she remembered.

     Y/N was brought back to four years ago, when they used to study together between their busy schedules aiming for the same goal, when they used to spur each other in the moments of doubt. She finally remembered. 

     He was proud, he didn’t like asking for her help unless it was strictly necessary, and those times he caved he would later reprimand himself for not being able to understand the concept on his own, always thanking her with a kiss because he wasn’t competing against her but with himself. There were times when she was so tired that she would get pessimistic and cynical, it was a trait of her personality that only few people knew because she didn’t like being seen weak. Jungkook was always there when those moments came, he could tell just by the way she would start scribbling angry lines on the side of her notes. He didn’t try talking her out of it saying things like ‘you have no reason to worry’ or ‘you can do it”, because he knew that they were meaningless words. What he did was make her hot chocolate with a lot of cream and a lot of marshmallows, he would sit on the couch and cradle her like a baby, humming the first song that came to mind. Y/N loved it, it made her feel all warm inside. Jungkook knew all of her struggles, he knew how hard she worked for what she wanted and how more often than not she was close to giving up. And he had been there for her.

     Y/N smiled back. “That I still do.”

     And just like that the ice was broken.

     It came naturally. That day at the coffee shop was only the beginning of their renewed friendship. A couple of days after that they went for drinks, joined by Namjoon and Ashley, restoring the old group. It was like senior year all over again, but at the same time it was nothing like it. All of them had changed over the years, some more than others. Jungkook, for example, had become quieter, more tranquil. He still made silly jokes and smart remarks, sure, but not as much as Y/N remembered. She guessed it was only right, she had probably changed too. 

     After the initial embarrassment, the two connected easily and Y/N discovered that she quite liked the idea of them being friends again. She had to admit that just for a second she wondered if it was wrong of her to hang out with him again, giving that he was her ex boyfriend and she was now with someone else. But she convinced herself rather easily that she wasn’t doing anything bad, after all ignoring him would have meant that there were still some kind of feelings lingering between them and that was not the case. She talked to Hoseok about it nonetheless, not because she wanted his permission but out of respect. He did seemed a bit jealous about it but was mature enough to know that it was not right of him to stop her.  

     Besides, Jungkook was with someone as well. She learned about Lisa, his girlfriend of over a year who he had met while jogging at the park - Y/N teased him about it, since that their relationship had started in the same way. And when they discovered that both Lisa and Hoseok were professional dancers, they both had a field day. Y/N also learned that he didn’t want to become a pediatric surgeon anymore, but changed his goal to trauma surgery, surprising her quite a lot. Jungkook then told her how he had received an offer to play in the NFL just a couple of days after they broke up but ended up turning it down, living Y/N with an uneasy feeling. It gave them an excuse to finally talk about what happened between them.

     “Was it my fault?” she asked seriously, looking down at her drink.

     “Of course not.” he reassured her. “It was never my dream.”

     “I know.” she replied looking back up at him. They were leaning against the wall, getting some fresh air while the others where inside the bar doing drinking games in honor of their reunion. “Still, it was a big opportunity.”

     “Huge.” Jungkook corrected her with a smile. “I could have been worth millions now.”

     “And living in an expensive loft, driving expensive cars.” she joked back.

     “Instead I’m sharing a small apartment with Yoongi hyung and driving a second hand wreck.”

     Y/N giggled at the dichotomy. The road to become doctors wasn’t an easy one for sure. “Have you ever regretted it?”

     “More than I care to admit.” he sighed. “If I have to tell the truth I almost said yes.” he paused to look at her from the corner of his eyes. “Because of Sarah.”

     “Oh. Of course.” He taught he needed to be able to take care of his child and its mother within a very short time, playing as a professional quarterback would have been the most obvious choice. “Why didn’t you?”

     “Because I knew deep down that it wouldn’t make me happy.” he answered looking up to the night sky. “Because just like you, I wanted to realize my dreams, even if it meant that I had to work two jobs. Which I ended up doing, by the way.”

     “Even after ... you know, you discovered that the baby wasn’t yours?”

     “Yeah.” Jungkook sighed once again. “My parents didn’t take it well - both the fact that I got a random girl pregnant and that I refused such a once in a lifetime opportunity. I don’t know if you remember, but our relationship was already strained and it pretty much broke after that.”

     “I’m sorry.” Y/N murmured sadly. She could only imagine what a difficult time he could have had. 

     “It’s not your fault.” he reassured her.

     “Maybe not, but I played a part in it all.” she said drinking in a single sip what was left of her drink. “I really am sorry. For everything.”, she took a deep breath before speaking again. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I should have asked you for an explanation. And after I discovered the truth I should have called you to clear things up. I was immature.” she admitted.

     Jungkook shook his head. “I don’t blame you, after all I did cheat on you, even if I don’t remember it. I would have reacted the same. Besides, I should have fought for you, instead of letting you walk away just like that. Despite Sarah’s pregnancy, I should have fought for you.”

     They shared a sad smile, recognizing their faults. A lot of things could have gone differently if they’ve put aside their pride. But it was too late now, a lot of things had changed.

     “Maybe ...” Y/N spoke after a moment of heavy silence. “Maybe we really didn’t want to solve things. Maybe we didn’t want it enough. If we did we both would have fought harder, don’t you think?”

     “I guess so.”, he answered looking up at the sky again.

     “Maybe it was supposed to go as it did,”, she added. “So that we could be with those who we love today.”

     Jungkook bit the inside of his cheek, uneasy. “Maybe.”

     Y/N and Hoseok were talking on the phone just like every evening. The first weeks apart had been difficult for both of them since they were used to be together almost  24/7. A year into their relationship Y/N had given up her apartment to move into Hoseok’s, which was only a natural choice since he literally lived next door. Living together as a couple worked perfectly fine for both of them. Hoseok was a very tidy person who loved to keep the house in order, unfortunately he was a disaster in the kitchen so Y/N had finally found an excuse to put to practice all she had learnt from her home cook brother. Their timetables were mostly the same, Hoseok working at the dancing studio till dawn and Y/N attending Med School classes five times a week. On Saturdays and Sundays they would often go on dates, they especially liked going on last minute trips and visit nearbye cities, and sometimes they liked being a little more adventurous by trying adrenalic activities such as bungee jumping and hang gliding. Yet there were also times when they were both too tired and they would end up spending the weekend in their pajamas watching reruns of their favorite series.

     Hoseok was the typical man the girls dreamed of. Not only he was good looking, but he was also passionate and smart. He was kind and very considerate. He knew how to listen and he knew how to laugh. He rarely got mad but he stayed true to his values and ideals and when he knew that something was morally wrong he didn’t hesitate to speak out about it. Hoseok was sweet and very loving, he never stopped courting Y/N, always the hopeless romantic. She was lucky because she never wanted for anything with him. 

     “I’ve been drawing a lot lately.” she told him while taking a bite from her pepperoni pizza. Dinner time was usually when their calls would take place and to have some privacy from Seokjin Y/N had gotten used to eating on her bed. “Today I went to the coffee shop I told you about and drew this old woman who was talking loudly on the phone with her speakers on full volume. One of the waiters had to ask her three times to lower her voice before she finally heard him.” Y/N giggled remembering the scene. “It was quite entertaining.”

     Hoseok smiled over the phone. “You used to do that a lot in college.”

     “What?”

     “You spent a lot of time drawing in my workplace, remember?” he explained. ‘Why did you stop?”

     “I don’t know.” she shrugged, reaching a hand to her nightstand to grab her sketchbook.  “I guess I lost the inspiration.” She ansered going through the dozen of portrait she had done over the past few weeks. She was getting better, her drawings getting more and more realistic.

     “I’m happy you found it again.”

     Y/N smiled. “Me too.”

     “Have you signed the contract for the apartment?” Hoseok changed the subject, his voice muffled because he was eating as well.

     “This morning. You’re going to love it. The windows overlook the park and the living room is so spacious that you can do tumbles in it.” she told him enthusiastically. “I’d move tomorrow if i could.”

     “When is the tenant leaving again?”

     “First week of July.” Y/N huffed annoyed. “Just in time before I start work.”

     “I can’t wait to get there next month.” he confessed. “I miss you so much.”

     She sighed falling back on the mattress. “Me too. Can you believe its been a month since we last saw each other?”

     “Yeah. I’ve felt every single day of it.”

     “Tell me about it.” Y/N looked up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling her chest constraint. “Can we talk about something else?”

     “Are you going to cry?” he teased her.

     “I might.” she grunted. “And you know I hate crying.”

     “I know.” he said, Y/N could hear the smile on his voice. “What do you want to talk about?”

     “I don’t know. Something exciting happened to you this days?” she asked sitting up again to grab another slice of pizza.

     “Not much really. I feel like all I’ve been doing is work, work, work and work.” Hoseok groaned. “You’re the one who’s having all the fun.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “Aren’t you hanging out with the guys a lot these days?”

     Y/N giggled. “Oh. Yeah. It’s actually been very nice seeing them again.” she admitted. “They’re so much fun to be with.”

     “I remember. You guys used to be the talk of the school back then.” Hoseok recalled amused. “You were like the Avengers.”

     “What are you talking about?” she laughed at the analogy.

     “Think about it.” he chuckled as well. “The valedictorian, the quarterback, the cold one, the heartthrob, the party guy, the philosopher and the botanist. Am I missing someone?”

     Y/N cackled. “I don’t think so.”

     “You guys were the most incoherent crew on campus. You were like a social experiment.”

     “I guess we were, weren’t we?” she joked back. They really were a variegated group of people. “Why is it that you never joined us? We used to hang a lot at the coffee shop and its not like we weren’t friends.” she pondered.

     “We were amicable.” he corrected her. “You guys were like exclusive.”

     “No we weren’t.” she snorted almost offended. “We were very friendly.”

     “You were, but you gave off this type of vibe ... you used to walk around campus like you were untouchable.” he recalled.

     Y/N furrowed her browse pensively. “We did?”

     “Yeah. It wasn’t until Jungkook started working at the coffee shop that I started seeing you guys from another perspective. Before that you were pretty much Hollywood superstars.”

     “You make us sound so obnoxious.” she said in a pout.

     “You weren’t.” he reassured her smiling. “You were just on another level of the social pyramid.”

     “I’m not sure I like that image.” Y/N confessed. “I never cared for such things and neither the others for what I remember. Taehyung, for example, was friends with everyone during college.”

     “Taehyung was friendly to everyone during college, there’s a difference.” he corrected her once again. “Listen, I didn’t want to offend you, everyone had their crew back in college. If anything I’m saying that we common people admired you a lot.”

     “No, I get it.” she pouted again. “It’s just the first time I’m hearing about it. I guess we did have a special connection between us. We still do actually. You’ll see when you get here. I’ll give you a special pass to enter our exclusive club.” she joked.

     “I’d like that.” he smiled.

     “Besides you have an advantage, you were already friends with Jungkook back then. You guys can hang out together again.”

     There was a pause on the other side of the phone call. “Yeah. I guess I’d like that too.”

     “So you guys are hanging out again?”, Seokjin asked his sister over breakfast dinner. Y/N had just told him about how they were all planning on having a Mexican dinner in Yoongi and Jungkook’s shared apartment the day after tomorrow, and how she wanted to try and bake a Mexican hot chocolate pie to prove them that her skills in the kitchen had improved over the years. Seokjin was aware of the fact that Y/N had met her old friends - and her ex - a couple of times, but it kind of surprised him discovering that they were planning themed dinner dates. “Does Hoseok know about it?” 

     Y/N couldn’t help but roll her eyes, playing with her potatoes with the fork. “Of course, he does. Why wouldn’t he?” she asked defensively.

     Seokjin shrugged. “Just asking. Jungkook is there too, right?”

     “Right.” she sighed annoyingly. “So?”

     “So, all I’m saying is that he has every right to be jealous. He’s your ex boyfriend after all.”

     “Well, he is not. Besides, he has no reason to be.”

     Seokjin arched an eyebrow, doubtful. “Really?”

     “Really.” she insisted. “It’s not like I’m going to cheat on him or anything. He knows that.”

     “I didn’t say that.” Seokjin huffed. 

     “You thought about it.” Y/N accused him with her fork. “We’re friends, that’s all.”

     “Exes can hardly be friends.”

     Y/N narrowed her eyes. “You are so limited. Of course they can. Besides,” she said with her mouth full of potatoes. “It wasn’t that big of a love story. We were together for like ... what? Three months? Four? It was more like a spring fling or whatever.” she continued dismissively putting her empty plate in the sink.

     Seokjin watched her washing the dishes with a furrowed brow, not entirely convinced. It was true, their relationship was brief, but he clearly remembered how it was and a part of him knew that the two of them could have been great together. It was unfortunate that they didn’t gave their relationship time to evolve. Seokjin liked Hoseok, he treated his sister like a princess, just as she deserved, and was overall a great guy. Still, if he had to chose between him and Jungkook, he would choose the latter. There was no specific reason why, really. It was not like Y/N was better with him than with the other or anything. He just liked Jungkook more, even after all that had happened years ago. Maybe it was the fact that he was good at Call of Duty.

     Seven o’clock was the perfect hour to go for a run, it wasn’t too early and it wasn’t too late, the park wasn’t yet packed but it wasn’t empty either. Y/N had started jogging every other day aiming to build up her stamina in sight of the long shifts that awaited her on July. With her earphones blasting hype music she would run the trails a couple of times before walking to her new favorite coffee shop to cool down and there, just like she used to when she was in college, she would order an ice americano grande with two extra shots and only one chocolate muffin - when she was younger she used to be able to eat three of them in one go.

     “I think I’m having a deja-vu.” said a male voice, too close to her ear making her jump in surprise. She took one earphone off and turned to her left.

     It was Jungkook. 

     It was obvious that he had been running too, his damped with sweat hair  framing his pretty face. He was out of breath, his chest rising up and down while he fanned himself with his white t-shirt.

     “You should stop listening to music at such a high volume.” he chastised her with a lopsided grin.

     “And you should stop coming behind people when they’re clearly distracted.” she replied crossing her arms. “One of this days someone might punch you in the face as a defense mechanism.”

     “Sorry.” he giggled. They started walking again, side by side. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

     “So you still love running, huh?” Y/N observed looking up at him. Now that he was wearing only a short sleeved t-shirt she could clearly see just how much muscular he had gotten over the years. Not that he had a small frame before, but he was on the buff side now, nothing too much, just enough to make her heart skip a bit.

     “I could say the same thing to you.”

     “I actually just started again.” she confessed. “I had to stop during Med School. Too tired, you know? I’m a little bit out of shape, in fact.”

     Jungkook stopped on his tracks, arching his brow teasingly. Y/N followed him suit, confused. “So your saying,” he said with clear mischief in his eyes. “That if I race you to the coffee shop down the street you would actually lose?”

     Y/N opened her mouth in bewilderment. She immediately understood what he was referring too because they used to do this a lot back in college. Always competitive, the two of them would race each other back to their favorite cafe’ and since he was a quarterback back then and she was a former sprinter, the challenge had always been fun.

     She was never going to admit it out loud, but he was probably right: she would surely lose this time. Yet she was proud and she didn’t want to give in too easily.

     She turned her back at him, ready to run. “The loser pays for breakfast.”

     Of course, the loser turned out to be her. Those couple of hundred meters never felt so long. Her lungs were burning, her face was heating up and she could literally feel her legs wobble. 

     “Shit.” she cursed with her hands on her knees. 

     “You ok?” Jungkook grinned, catching his breath as well. “Do I need to reanimate you?”

     “Fuck you.” was all she could say with her throat burning for air.

     The man laughed before straightening up. He put an arm around her shoulders to sustain her and started walking towards the glass doors of the shop. “Come on, breakfast is on me.”

     “Just give me a couple of weeks and we can talk again.” she promised. “I really need to freshen up, I feel like burning.” she then added pushing her hair away from her face.

     “Go on. I’ll take your order.”

     “An ice americano grande with two extra shots and a chocolate muffin.”

     Jungkook stared at her for a moment, something clearly going on through his mind. He smiled sweetly. “You’re still the same.”

     “You remember?” she asked half surprised.

     “Of course I do.” he replied tilting his head to the side. “Don’t you remember mine?”

     Y/N smiled back. “Of course I do.” she mimicked him. “It was the same as mine.”

     They looked at each other with fondness, lost in the old memories.

     “Go freshen up.” he finally said. “I’ll look for a table near the window.”

     “Those are my favorite seats.” she replied.

     “I know.” he grinned walking backwards towards the counter. “As I said, you’re still the same.”

     Once inside the bathroom Y/N had to lean on the door for a second. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel her cheeks burning. It wasn’t because of the exertion of the race but for another reason entirely. A reason she was too afraid to explore.

     “So are you ready to start our residency?” Jungkook asked taking a big bite from his third muffin.

     “God, I can’t wait. I’ve been ready since I was fourteen.” Y/N admitted.

     It had taken her more than a couple of minutes to calm down after their brief exchange. Her brother’s words rang annoyingly through her ears. She didn’t want to dwell on what she had felt and decided that ignoring everything altogether was the easiest thing to do. So she went to the sink and splashed her face with cold water at least ten times, trying to clear her mind. 

     Once she exited the bathroom, her heart rate finally normal and her skin color of a natural pink, she had no difficulty in spotting Jungkook. He had chosen the table next the biggest window and was sipping on his drink while watching those who passed by on the sidewalk.

     He smiled at her when she sat down and pushed towards her two plates of chocolate muffins saying that he knew that she had asked for only one but he thought that she needed the extra energy. 

     “So when did you fell in love with trauma surgery?”

     “I’m not as focused as you are.” he teased. “But really, no big story behind it. I just realized while studying that maybe I didn’t have it in me to treat sick kids.”

     “But you do for broken limbs and car crash victims?” she questioned amused.

     “Don’t forget gunshot and stab wounds.” he replied enthusiastically.

     “Yeah, let’s not forget those.” she rolled her eyes at the ceiling.

     She felt comfortable speaking with him, as if they never went their separate ways. She wondered if it was normal.

     “How’s your brother?” Jungkook asked pulling her away from her thoughts.

     “Seokjin? His fine, always annoying. He is definitely too happy about us working in the same building.”

     “Right. I forgot he was a nurse there. Does he remember me?”

     Y/N arched a brow. “Why wouldn’t he? You used to play games all the time. In fact, I think he would be happy to see you.”

     “Yeah?” he exclaimed cheerily. Then he suddenly became serious. “He gives good punches.” 

     “What How would you know that?”

     “Because he gave me one that same day you broke up with me.” he recalled. “Just a few minutes after you left, actually. Yoongi just let him in my room while I was crying my eyes out. Didn’t really see it coming, really, he just went full swing at my face and left without a single word. Jimin screamed like a girl.”

     Y/N felt her mouth fall. Seokjin never mentioned anything like this happening. He was never one for violence, truth be told she rarely saw him angry at all. Discovering that he went full knight in shining armor caught her by complete surprise.

     Imagining the scene Y/N couldn’t help but throw her head back in laughter amusing Jungkook who couldn’t contain a smile either. “I didn’t know I had an overprotective brother.”

     “He was kinda cool.” he admitted taking another bite from his muffin. 

     It was nice talking about the past like this, without embarrassment. Y/N was thankful that they had cleared things up. “I’m glad we’re friends again.” she confessed with a soft smile.

     “Me too.” he replied in a low voice.

     The next time Y/N and Jungkook meet is to celebrate Yoongi’s promotion to Clinical Project Manager for the medical research institute he worked for. He had planned a Korean dinner night complete with a portable stove grill for the barbeque and expensive soju and Korean beer. Having these themed dinners had become customary. Every Monday one of them would propose a cuisine on their group chat and the following Saturday they would meet at Yoongi’s apartment who usually did all the cooking. Until they had tried Italian, Mexican and Japanese.

     As the night progressed the seven of them began getting tipsier and tipsier, enjoying the alcohol the eldest bought a little bit too much for the late hour. Y/N, who was a quiet drunk and was worried about the neighbors, had tried more than once to make them lower their voices. It was useless. As Jimin and Taehyung started a karaoke competition, Y/N felt the sudden need of a little bit of silence. Wobbling on her feet she pushed herself through the living room and through the corridor until she met a white door head first. She opened it and found herself in a moon lit bedroom. She looked around, her vision a little bit blurry. A queen sized bed was sitting in the middle of the room, the white sheets perfectly folded. At the head of it hang a big wooden frame, the content of it hinting the owner of the chamber. It was Jungkook’s varsity jersey, the very one with which he had won four championships in a row, three of them as captain of the team. On either side of the shirt a very large number of medals were hanging by their colorful ribbons. Y/N couldn’t help but sneer, she had only see a wall of his room and it was already evident how much Jungkook liked to brag.

     “Hey, you ok?” a voice came behind her making her jump. Unsteady on her feet she almost fell however Jungkook’s big hand grabbed her by the elbow just in time to keep her straight.

     “Gosh, you have to stop doing that.” 

     “Sorry.” he giggled half drunk as well. “I saw you hitting your head on the door.”

     “Mmmh.” Y/N mumbled incoherently as she sat down on the edge of his bed. “I’m not exactly sober at the moment.”

     “I can see that.” he replied joining her. He lied on his back beside her and let out a big yawn.

     Y/N looked at him through her clouded eyes. He was wearing a black baggy t-shirt today, one that couldn’t hide his broad chest even if it was clearly twice his size. His matching cargo pants were perfectly hugging his thighs as well. Laying like that, with his eyes now closed and his hair in disarray, Jungkook was the epitome of sexy. Y/N felt herself blushing and diverted her eyes from his figure.

     She looked around the rest of the room. There wasn’t much, really. Just a big cupboard, some weights lying on the floor, a small library and an untidy desk. Over the latter were hanging smaller picture frames which subjects Y/N couldn’t decypher because of the dark. Yet one of them caught her attention, even from where she was sitting she could recognize that it didn’t contain a photograph like the others. It was bigger than the rest and occupied much of the space on the wall. She squinted her eyes trying to get a better look but too lazy to stand up. It took her a couple of tries before her drunk mind recognized the image. She felt her mouth fall in shock, her heart skipping a beat simultaneously.

     “Is that ...” she gasped. “Is that my portrait?

     Jungkook opened an eye at her words before leaning up on his elbows to get a better look at what she was referring to. “Oh, that.” he mumbled. “Yeah.”

     The portrait in question was a drawing the boys had commissioned her four years ago, all seven of them were in it and it took her almost a month to finish it before she was completely satisfied with her work. She recalled how the four bouys used to joke around on who was supposed to get it, making bets and giving her small treats to get on her good side. Last thing she remembered Taehyung had won the competition just by giving her his signature puppy eyes, she could never say no to that. Jungkook was quite bitter that his position as her boyfriend didn’t win him any points.

     Y/N couldn’t believe that he had it hanging on his bedroom floor and she felt herself getting emotional. “Why do you have it?” she whispered staring at him with wide eyes.

     Jungkook sat up straighter and scratched his neck, slightly embarrassed. “Taehyung surrendered it to me after - you know, after we broke up. As a consolation price, I guess.” he laughed softly looking at her from the corner of his eyes.

     “Why do you still have it?” she whispered again in disbelief.

     He shifted his eyes over the portrait pensively. He had it hanging over his desk since the day he had got it. He knew every line and every shadow by heart. “Because its beautiful.” he said matter-of-factly. 

     “Beautiful?” Y/N repeated looking back at the frame again. 

     “Yeah.” he nodded in a low voice. 

     She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol in her system but Y/N felt like there was a hidden meaning behind Jungkook’s words. To her drunken mind, a gift from an ex being beautiful wasn’t enough of an excuse for keeping it for four whole years. Yet she was too tipsy to dwell on it.

     “Doesn’t your girlfriend mind?” she asked curiously after a moment of silence.

     “Why would she?” he shrugged laying on his back once again.

     “Because I’m the one who drew it.” 

     “So?” he asked nonchalantly closing his eyes and entwining his hands over his stomach.

     “So I’m your ex.” it came out more as a question.

     Jungkook sighed before opening a single eye again. “Y/N its just a drawing. No need to dwell on it.”

     Y/N wasn’t convinced as she looked at him with her brows furrowed. Yet again, she wasn’t sober enough to insist. She laid down beside him, mimicking his position and closing her eyes as well. 

     “If you say so.”

     She felt him nodding through the darkness. Now that she had her eyes shut, she felt all of her other senses amplify. She could hear him breathing, could smell his perfume and could feel his skin just a couple on inches away from hers. She felt goosebumps running trough her arms, her heart beating faster once again. She felt the urge to touch him and clenched her fists to resist it. Trying to calm herself down, Y/N took a few deep furtive breaths keeping her eyes closed tight. But it looked like she wasn’t successful in being sly because she felt Jungkook turning his head towards her. To make things worst, the man rolled on his side and had the brilliant idea of putting a hand over Y/N’s.

     “Hey, are you ok?’ he asked worriedly. 

     His touch ignited a shiver down her spine that caused her to tighten her eyes even more. Her espression might have looked like she was in pain because Jungkook anxiously got up on his elbow to hover over her face.

     “Y/N?” he called her.

     The woman shook her head fervently, which she regretted immediately since she suddenly felt the whole world spinning. “I think I’m drunk.” she mumbled.

     “Ok.” Jungkook replied. “Do you want some water?”

     Y/N nodded. “Please.”

     “I’ll get it for you. Wait here.” 

     She felt him get up from the bed and walk towards the door and only when she heard it closing behind him that she released a deep breath, finally opening her eyes to the ceiling.

     “What the hell was that?”

     It was the first week of June and Y/N had been apart from Hoseok for two months now. To be honest, the long distance relationship wasn’t going as bad as she thought it would be. The first few weeks were brutal, of course, but as time went by she started feeling the weight of his absence less and less, making her feel conflicted about her emotions. She missed him, she loved him, yet she didn’t feel the urge to buy a one way ticket to be with him again. Nothing was stopping her from doing just that, either. She still had a few weeks left before her training and the new apartment wasn’t going to be available until the end of the month, so she really didn’t have a reason to stay there other than keeping her brother company. Nevertheless, she didn’t feel like going anywhere. She was enjoying this long vacation, because come to think of it she never had one before. She discovered that she didn’t mind being alone. Y/N had always been a solitary person, a quality over quantity type of girl, but since she had started dating Hoseok she got used to living life as a pair, and didn’t realize how she missed being alone. She liked this newfound independence and at the same time felt guilty about it. 

     Plus, Hoseok had gotten very busy over the past month, the music video project draining him of energy and time, causing their phone calls to be sporadic and brief during the day. He was enthusiastic about it, he had hired at least thirty people to dance an intense choreography, ready to show to the world what he was worth. Most of the time it was all he could talk about.

     “I never did anything like this.” he was just saying on the other side of the call. Y/N was laying on her bed, playing around with a cat shaped stress ball that Yoongi had gifted her the other day. “It’s huge, really. Everyone’s gonna see this music video and everyone’s gonna see my choreography. Can you believe that?” he continued enthusiastically. “If I do this right ... I don’t wanna jinx it.”

     Y/N laughed, smitten by his cuteness. “You’re gonna do great, Hobi.” she really was happy for him, she understood how great of an opportunity this was for his career. 

     “I really hope so.” he sighed. “Actually, I need to tell you something.” he continued tentatively.

     “What is it?” she asked.

     “I don’t think I will be able to fly there next week.” Hoseok said in one breath. “The thing is there is so much I have to do. I want everything to be perfect. You know what a perfectionist I and I still have to complete part of the choreography. I also have to train at least another group of dancers, just in case, you know? And the company was talking about doing a b-side music video too. That means I have to choreograph a whole new routine, you know me, I can’t do the same thing twice. And -”

     “Hobi.” Y/N interrupted his rumbling. She sat up and crossed her legs pensively. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the news. She was already confused as it was and she was looking forward to him joining her so that she could wash away her doubts. “When do you think you’ll be able to come?” she asked sadly.

     “I’m not sure.” he murmured defeated. “Maybe in August.”

     Y/N’s eyes widened. “In August?!” she gasped. “That’s two months from now!”

     “I know.” he grimaced. “They said they planned on recording both videos by the end of July.”

     Y/N closed her eyes, running her fingers trough her hair. “How long have you known about this?”

     “Y/N ...” he pleaded. “A week.”

     “A week.” she repeated slowly. “Why are you only telling me now?”

     “Because I know you would be angry.”

     “Of course I’m angry!” Y/N raised her voice. “We haven’t seen each other for two months! How do you think I would have reacted?”

     “I know, I’m sorry!” he exclaimed defensively. 

     Silence fell in both ends of the call. Y/N didn’t know what to say. She was angry and sad, but there was also a part of her, a part she was trying hard to suppress, that felt somehow relieved by the news. 

     “You could always come back home.” Hoseok said tentatively. 

     “What do you mean?”

     “You could come back home.” he repeated. “There’s no reason for you to be there.”

     Y/N knew what he meant, she knew he was right, but somehow she stupidly felt offended by his words. “I’m going to work here.” she hissed.

     “Not until July.” he responded firmly. “There’s no reason for you to be there now. You could come home. You’ve been doing nothing this past month, you could have come back home weeks ago.”

     Y/N didn’t fail to notice his accusing tone. “That’s not my home anymore.” she mumbled before she could stop herself. 

     Hoseok fell silent for a moment. “I’m supposed to be your home.” he replied matter-of-factly.

     Y/N knew that he was hurt by her words and he had every reason to be. “I’m sorry.” was all she could say, biting her lip.

     “Yeah.” he sighed.

     Their conversation had gone bad so quickly. Y/N couldn’t understand her feelings. She was angry at him for going back on his word, guilty that she didn’t care as she should, regretful of what she had said and ashamed that in a moment like this, for a reason that she didn’t understand, a familiar face kept popping in her head.

     Jungkook. 

     “I’m going to bed.” he announced suddenly bringing her back to reality. “I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”

     “Ok.”

     “I love you.” Hoseok breathed slowly.

     “I love you too.” she replied, but for the first time in two years she didn’t fully mean it.

Part 2

     July - Aug.

     Day 1 of the general surgery residency program had finally arrived.

     Y/N was beyond thrilled. She had waited her whole life for this moment, her whole family were health workers, her father being an anesthesiologist and both her mother and brother being nurses, she was destined.

     That night she could barely sleep, not only for the excitement of the new adventure but also because she wasn’t used too sleeping alone in an empty house anymore. She loved her new apartment over looking the park, but she had rented it for herself and her boyfriend and, now that he had postponed his departure to the end of the summer, it just felt too big without someone to share it with.

     The past few weeks had been hard for their relationship, at least on Y/N’s side. She wasn’t sure if Hoseok only pretended not to see it, but she was feeling more and more distant to him. She tried to fight it during their daily phone calls, yet she still recognized that her attitude towards him had changed. She didn’t feel as excited as before when seeing his name on her screen, sometimes even ignoring him for a couple of hours until she could without worrying him. Their conversations were still naturally cheerful because she did care for him and she did enjoy talking to him after all. However she could feel that something had shifted inside her. 

     It was sad to admit but Y/N had gotten used to his absence. Her days didn’t evolved around him anymore, on the contrary, most of the time he was the last thing she would think of. She felt guilty about it, obviously and had a hard time admitting something that deep down she already knew.

     She didn’t speak of it with anyone because doing so would only make things real and she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with it. So she kept everything for herself, trying very hard to ignore her feelings and hoping that it was only a temporary situation caused by the distance between them. After all, Hoseok had nothing wrong. He was still as sweet and caring as ever despite they haven’t seen each other in person for three months now. He never failed to prove to her his love, sometimes even sending her little gifts that would make her smile contently, making her remember why she fell in love with him in the first place.

     His last gift had come by the mail just a couple of days before: a brand new stethoscope of a major brand.

     “I know you planned on keep using your father’s old stethoscope, for good fortune.” the note attached to the box read. “But I thought it was only right for you to start this new adventure with a pair of your own with the hopes that it will accompany you throughout this whole journey and that it could help you create your own fortune. I’m proud of you and I love you.”

     She had called him with tears that night.

     Y/N had been struggling about her feelings for Hoseok for weeks, keeping her distracted and absent-minded, but that day, her first day as an intern, she had no space for him in her mind. All she could think of was the adrenaline rushing through her veins, she felt wide awake even if she had slept only a few hours and it was 6 o’clock in the morning.

     “Here’s your chocolate.” Jungkook’s voice came from behind her. “Are you sure you don’t want some coffee? It’s hella early.”

     They were sitting inside the hospital cafeteria having breakfast together since they still had an hour before their appointment with their resident. The two of them had spent a lot of time together over the past week, going together at the dinner party for the interns and at orientation day. They had decided that since they lived farely close too each other now, and as soon as their shifts allowed it, they would come to work together, Jungkook picking her up with his second hand car. Fortunately enough, they were also assigned to the same resident which meant that they would spend their whole year as interns together.

     “No.” she answered to his question. “I’m already agitated as it is. Caffeine is the last thing I need.”

     “Good for you.” he replied taking a good sip of his own coffee. “I don’t know if its a defense meccanism or whatever but I feel like I could sleep till tomorrow.”

     “You’re still gonna be here tomorrow.” she noted.

     “I know.” he sighed. “Can you believe it? This is going to be our life now.”

     “Get ready, Dr. Jeon.” Y/N teased him. “I’m going to kick your ass this time as well.”

     Jungkook arched a brow at her. “You were only good in college because it was all theory, Dr. Y/L/N.” he bit back. “It’s all practice now. We’re in my field.”

     “Bet I’ll be the first of the two of us to hold a scalpel.” she said firmly reaching out a hand.

     “Bet I’ll be the first of all the interns to hold a scalpel.” he retracted smugly.

     Y/N smirked at his cockiness, already enjoying the challenge. “Deal.” she answered shaking his hand firmly.

     Their assigned resident didn’t seem to like the idea of having five interns to take care of. He was surly, angry half of the time and ignored them the rest of it. He didn’t like himself repeating himself twice and explained things only if asked to. On the other hand he demanded for them to answer correctly and promptly to all of his questions, and got annoyed easily if they took to long on doing basic medical procedures.

     Y/N and Jungkook’s first 6 hours as interns went like a living hell. The resident had noticed that the former was the first one to answer correctly most of his questions, even the trickiest ones, and instead of praising her for it he taken it upon himself to treat her us badly as possible, even accusing her of little things she didn’t do. Jungkook, always the knight, had made the mistake of defending her, getting on his bad side as well. 

     By lunchtime, the two of them had spent all of their energy by keeping themselves always on high alert, not only when they were with their resident but also when they were alone. Neither of them could relax, first because their teacher was the reincarnation of the devil and second because it turned out that the hospital was one hell of a scary place. Everything they did felt like it could kill a patient, even simply writing down the vitals of a lady with appendicitis. Y/N had checked at least five times if she what she had in hand was the right chart before writing anything down. She was visibly so anxious that Jungkook didn’t even find it in him to tease her about it.

     “This isn’t going as good as I thought it would.” Y/N said playing with the meat on her plate. They were at the cafeteria once again, stopping for the first time since that morning. “He hates me.”

     “He hates me too.” Jungkook said. “I think he hates us all.”

     “You shouldn’t have defended me.” she reprimanded him with a pout. “You’re making me feel guilty.”

     Jungkook sneered. “No way I was staying silent.” he exclaimed waving his fork at her. “He accused you of clamping the thoracic drainage of that man when you didn’t even touch it! He’s a bitch.”

     “Guess you’ve met Dr. Park.” a voice sniggered above their heads. Seokjin was carrying his lunch on a tray and was smiling at them with glee. 

     “You could have told me!” she accused her brother as he sat down at the table with them. “You knew!”

     “Of course I knew.” he laughed. “But where was the fun in that.”

     “I should have known.” Jungkook grimaced giving him a stern look. “You were too quiet that day and you’re never quiet.”

     After the initial awkwardness the two man had recovered their friendship as well, even playing games together again. Even when they were a couple, Y/N found their relationship strange, they had too much syntony despite having a 5 year age gap. For example, Jin didn’t act as comfortable with Hoseok, even if they had known each other for two years. But maybe that was just because they lived far from each other. 

     “According to my experience,” Seokjin said. “the more he gives you a hard time, the more he respects you.”

     “Why is that?” Y/N asked, suddenly curious.

     “See it this way. He knows you exist.”

     “Thanks. I feel better now.” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

     “No, really. Think about it. Has he spoken to any of the other interns?”

     Y/N thought about it for a second before shaking her head. “I don’t think so.”

     “Because he was too busy screaming at us.” Jungkook pointed out.

     “Because he saw you.” Seokjin corrected him.

     “How romantic.” the other puffed annoyed.

     “He might have a point, though.” Y/N said trying to convince herself that a hellish year wasn’t laying ahead.

     “Where are the other interns, anyway?”

     Jungkook shrugged. “Hiding away to cry, most probably.”

     “He doesn’t like them very much.” Y/N explained to his brother. “Two of them went to Med School with him and our total douchebags.”

     “The other one is a daddy’s girl who doesn’t even know how to put a tourniquet on.” the boy added. “Prepare yourself, Y/N. I’m going to glue myself to you.”

     “As if you haven’t already.” she smirked. “You were practically my shadow today.”

     “Only because you needed someone to defend you against Dr. Park.”

     “You’re my knight in shining armor.”

     Seokjin groaned. “Please, don’t start flirt in front of my salad.”

     Maybe because she was tired or maybe because she had spent the whole day close to him, but that night, alone in her big apartment, Y/N dreamt of making love to Jungkook.

     The next phone call she has with Hoseok was painful. It was the morning after her first shift and he was so enthusiastic about hearing how it went while all Y/N could think about was how guilty she felt of dreaming about being with another man. It had happened before, of course, but all with fictional characters or actors she had a crush on, never with real people she actually knew. Let alone her ex boyfriend.

     She tried to blame it on the fact that she hadn’t had sex for three months now and that it was only due for her to have a wet dream. Jungkook was the subject of it only because she had been seeing a lot of him lately. Nothing more.

     It wasn’t easy to stop thinking about it, the whole thing vivid in her memory. The fact that her subconcious remembered Jungkook’s anatomy in detail didn’t help either. Of course, he had changed over the years, he was more muscular and had those long wavy hair now. Not to mention how good he looked with his scrubs on. Twelve hours of internship and he already had all the female staff at his feet.

     Jungkook was sexy as hell. There was no denying it.

     But he was also smart and kind and funny. He was the complete package.

     And he was taken. Hell, she was taken too. She shouldn’t be thinking about her ex without his shirt on. Especially when on the other side of the phone the most perfect boyfriend was trying hard to get her attention.

     “A little bit distracted today?” Hoseok asked with a sigh. 

     “I’m sorry.” she run a hand through her hair feeling terrible. “Just tired.”

     “I get it.” she felt him smiling over the phone. “Do you want me to call you later?”

     “Do you mind? I think I’m gonna nap for another hour.”

     “Sure. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” he said sweetly.

     “Love you too.”

     Now alone again in her room, Y/N felt even worse than before. Not only she felt relieved that he had hung up, but she also wasn’t sure if she meant those last words anymore. 

     She wanted to go for a run to clear her mind but chances were that she would meet Jungkook, the very one he wanted to avoid. The only thing she could do was lay on her bed, snuggle under the covers and feel like the most terrible person on earth.

     When did this started? When did she started feeling this way for Jungkook again? Did she really had feelings for him? Or was it only the fact that Hoseok was far away?

     Still it didn’t excuse her for feeling the way she did. If she truly loved him she wouldn’t be thinking of another man even if they lived two continents apart. Right?

     So she didn’t love Hoseok anymore? But she did, she could feel it. She cared for him a lot, she still cheered for him, she still liked his attentions. Then what was it? Why wasn’t it enough?

     And why Jungkook of all the people? Maybe it was because he saw him everyday, maybe if she didn’t see him as much she wouldn’t have developed this feelings.

     But really, what feelings were they anyway? She wasn’t in love with him, of that she was sure of. Hoseok was the one she loved, yes. Hoseok who was perfect. Where would she find another man like him? But yet again, Jungkook was perfect too. She had tested it.

     Except for the fact that he had cheated on her. Of course, it was a long time ago and she wasn’t even sure that she could call it cheating. They were barely at the beggining of their relationship back then, their very short relationship.

     What was she even thinking of? Leaving Hoseok for him? That was stupid. Why would she trade a perfect love story with the uncertainty of a college flirt with a tragic ending? Besides, Jungkook never showed any interest towards her since she had come back.

     Because he has a girlfriend.

     He probably loved her to bits too. 

     Yet ... he never talked about her. Hell, Y/N never even saw her once. Why would he never invite her during their group dates? Not even once. That was strange. Come to think of it, Y/N didn’t even know how she looked like. All she knew about her was that she was a professional dancer like Hoseok. That’s it. She never bothered to ask, truth be told.

     Because I don’t care.

     Y/N wanted to silence the voice inside her head. She felt like screaming. 

     She was with someone, for god’s sake. Someone that loved her, that made her feel loved. She didn’t need this.

     Maybe it was only a sexual attraction. Right, maybe that was it. It was impossible to not be attracted to Jungkook after all, she was only human. 

     She was in sex withdrawal and Jungkook happened to be the most fuckable living being that her restless mind could think of.

     Sexual attraction. Yes. That explained everything.

     She trew the covers over her head, hiding from the world, and started repeating the same phrase all over again, like a mantra.

     “I’m in love with Hoseok. I’m in love with Hoseok.”

     To celebrate surviving their first week as interns, Y/N and Jungkook had decided to invite their friends to a night out. 

     Y/N decided to dress up for the occasion: there was no use in denying it anymore, she wanted to attract Jungkook’s attention. So she put on her favorite summer dress, styled her hair and put on some red lipstick. After days of self pity, she had finally surrendered to the idea that, for one reason or another, she was attracted to the man. Physically speaking, of course. Nothing more than that. 

     What she couldn’t explain was why it never happened before. Never with this intensity, anyways. She had met a lot of men during the past years, undoubtebly handsome men too. Yet not one of them had caused such a reaction from her. What was so special about Jungkook?

     Despite still feeling guilty about it, a part of her was now convinced that there was nothing wrong with feeling a little attracted to someone. She was only human, after all. She wasn’t a saint. Therefore what was the harm in having a little fun?

     Ever the competitive one, Y/N wanted to test Jungkook. She couldn’t believe that she was the only one feeling this connection. She wanted to provoke a reaction from him, nothing major, just enough to not make her feel alone in her misery. It was stupid, she was aware of it, and morally wrong.

     It’s not like I want to have sex with him, she thought wearing her black leather jacket and grabbing her keys.

     Well, she did want to. But she wasn’t actually going to do it.

     She respected Hoseok, loved him. Cheating was not part of her plans.

     The walk to the pub was a quick one since it was only a few blocks away from her apartment. She was the last one to arrived, which she sort of planned on happening: she wanted to make an entrance. She had imagine the scene in her head while she was taking a shower. 

     Her friends would be waiting for her outside the bar and she would walk confidently towards them. Jungkook would be standing there looking all handsome and breathtaking, he would look up - at 0.5x speed - only to see her looking all gorgeous and sexy as well. His jaw would drop, his heart would skip a bit. They would look into each others eyes intensely, exchanging a silent message between them. And then ...

     And then that was it. That was how far she let her imagination go.

     To some extent, what she pictured did come true. Jungkook was all handsome and breathtaking, she was all gorgeous and sexy, but there was no jaw dropping and no silent message. On the contrary the man averted his gaze almost immediately upon seeing her.

     “Hey, sexy.” Jimin teased her, putting an arm around her shoulder. “Did it hurt?”

     Y/N frowned at him. “When I fell from heaven?” she pretended to vomit. “Does that even work?”

     The man laughed, squeezing her affectionately against his body. “Guess not. Not that I never needed pickup lines to get the ladies to fall in love with me.” he winked at her.

     Y/N rolled her eyes before greeting the others. Jungkook smiled tightly at her. She returned, a little bit confused.

     For the first part of the evening, the boy acted awfully strange towards Y/N, in such a way that was impossible for her to ignore it. He would avoid her eyes at all cost, even avoid her touch - which was nearly impossible since they were sitting next to each other in a too small booth for the seven of them. Y/N was unable to relax feeling him so tense and found herself pulling away from his body as well, to the point that she was practically glued to Ashley’s arm. To ease her nerves a little she started drinking her cocktail way too quickly, ignorant of the fact that Jungkook was unknowingly matching her pace.

     It took them a first round of shots to be finally able to loosen up. Laughing hard to one of Jimin’s stupid jokes she found herself leaning her head against Jungkook’s bicep, and before she knew it she felt his hand over her naked thigh, just a few inches above her knee. He didn’t seem to have done it on purpose since he had his head thrown back in laughter as well. Nevertheless, Y/N had to try hard to act as normally as possible and pretend like feeling the heat of his skin on hers was nothing to make a fuss about.

     Jungkook didn’t remove his hand from its place even after the conversation had shifted. On the contrary, he started drawing little circles on her inner thigh, slow and featherlike. Y/N’s heart hadn’t stopped hammering for minutes now, every nerve in her body electrified by his touch. This skinship was something she did not expect, it caught her completely off guard. As far as she knew, Jungkook had never proven any interest towards her, beside those of friendship. 

     She tried reliving the moments they had spent together over the past few months. Did she miss something? She didn’t, did she? This was the first time he acted like this. Was it because of the alcohol? They had been drunk together before and nothing had happened. Was it the dress then? But he had seen her in shorts multiple times.

     She was still in the middle of the umpteenth internal battle when Jungkook suddenly took his hand off her. Y/N’s eyes looked up at him instinctively. He too was looking at her, slightly smiling. She tried to read the meaning behind it. What kind of smile was that? Was he angry that she didn’t reciprocate his touch? Or happy that she didn’t push him away?

     Then Taehyung called Jungkook’s name and he had to divert his eyes from her to listen to what he was saying.

     Looking at his profile, Y/N thought hard on what to do next. She missed his touch already, she wanted more. Should she put a hand on his jean-clothed thigh too? Maybe she could lean her arm against his, trying to act as naturally as possible. She didn’t want the others to catch up to her inner turmoil.

     And then she noticed his hand, the same one that was on her skin just a few moments ago. It was laying between them on the wooden bench, his long fingers holding its edge. She stared at it for a minute. Did he left it there intentionally? She didn’t care.

     She looked up, pretending to listen to whatever conversation the other’s were having, and grabbed a few chips for good measure. Then, as carefully as possible, she put her hand next to his, their pinkies brushing against each other. Just that movement and heart went stammering again, she couldn’t here a word the others were saying, her eyes unfocused. She could feel the electricity running between them and wondered if Jungkook was feeling it too. 

     She took a deep breath trough her nose, smiling to Namjoon who seemed to be speaking to her, and put her finger across his. Just a finger. With her lip beneath her teeth she waited, counting to three inside her head. If he moved away she could still pretend she didn’t do it on purpose, that it was a complete accident. Yet Jungkook didn’t move. He kept his head turned away from her, still listening to Taehyung. With his other hand he grabbed the bottle of his beer and took a large sip from it. 

     What happened next made Y/N blush. Even if it was such a simple thing, making her feel like a kindergarten kid.

     Jungkook carefully freed his pinkie from hers and then, with a sweetness that Y/N didn’t expect, intertwined their last two fingers together. 

     If it made any sense, this felt better than his whole hand on her thigh. Y/N smiled. She didn’t know what this whole thing meant, yet she didn’t care. She would think about it tomorrow.

     They stayed in that position for the rest of the evening, playing with each other’s digits and caressing each other’s skin. Neither of them moved their hands from under the table, both enjoying the secrecy.

     Y/N believed they did a good job in hiding it too. But it turned out she was wrong.

     At the end of the night, when the time to go home came, the group hug each other goodnight. It was then that Y/N realized that the moment to finally face the reality had come.

     As Ashley hugged her close she heard her whispering in her ear. “You. Me. Breakfast tomorrow. You have some explaining to do.”

     Y/N dreaded this moment. One thing was to fantasize on her own, having her best friend looking at her with inquisitive eyes was another matter altogether.

     Ashley showed herself at her doorstep early in the morning, true to her threath. She had brought with her breakfast and a very intimidating stare that made Y/N quiver.

     “Are you cheating on Hoseok?” she had said once they were both sitted at the kitchen table. Her straightforwardness almost made Y/N choke on her coffee. “Not here to judge, of course.” she added. 

     “I’m not!” Y/N exclaimed defensively. “I’m not cheating on Hoseok.”

     The other girl arched an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Then what was going on between you and Jungkook yesterday?”

     “You saw that?” Y/N grimaced.

     “Of course, I saw that.” Ashley laughed. “Taehyung did too.”

     Y/N felt her eyes widen. “Taehyung?!”

     “I think you didn’t noticed,” her friend teased her. “But we were literally glued to eachother inside that booth. If I could see you getting sneaky under the table, he could too. He was sitting next to Jungkook after all.”

      Y/N moaned in pain, putting her hands over her face. “Are you sure he saw it too?”

      “Positive.” she nodded. “We caught each others eyes.”

      “Great. Now it will only be a matter of days before he tells Jimin and we all know how much Jimin likes to gossip, he’ll tell Yoongi for sure.” she cried. “Please tell me you didn’t tell Namjoon.”

     “Y/N ...” Ashley said tentatively. “We’ve actually known for weeks. We have a group chat.”

     Y/N blinked a couple of times, she wasn’t sure she heard her right. “You have a what?”

     “A group chat.” the other repeated as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Seokjin is in it too.”

     “Seokjin what?!” she exclaimed flabbergasted.

     Ashley nodded, entertained by her friend’s reaction. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but we are actually taking bets. We’ve done it back in college too, come to think of it.”

     “Wait, wait, wait.” Y/N put her hands forward. “This is way too much information. You’re betting on what exactly?”

     “On whether you leave each other’s partners by the end of the summer.” she shrugged. “Yoongi is convinced you won’t be able to resist, too much sexual tension. I disagree, I know you better than he does. You’re not the type of person to go break someone’s trust.”

      “Thank you, I guess.” Y/N felt her head spinning. “Is this why you asked me whether I cheated on Hoseok or not? Because you made a bet on it?”

     “Are you mad?” Ashley asked.

     Y/N thought about it for a moment, before releasing a long breath. “I think I’m supposed to be. The truth is that my emotions have been all over the place this past month.”

     “You want to talk about it? Jokes aside, I’m really here to help.”

     The other smiled at her friend. Perhaps it was best to let it out, after all, instead of keeping it all in. “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once.” she rumbled on. “But when I’m with him ... I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so ... I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him.” she confessed all of a sudden. She never had said it out loud. “Oh my god, what did I just say? Oh my God.” Y/N gasped hiding her face behind her hands. “This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

     “Y/N, they already know.” Ashley smiled at her sadly. “We’ve been watching you guys gravitate around each other for a while now.”

     The other girl furrowed her brows. “We do?”

     Ashley nodded fervently. “You said it yourself, you’re like too magnets. You might not have been conscious about it, but it’s always been there.”

     “How can that be?” Y/N questioned. “Yesterday was the first time anything happened between us.”

     “What? Holding hands under the table?” Ashley giggled. “That’s nothing compared to the way you look at each other. Haven’t you noticed the way he has to force himself to look away from you sometimes? Or even the way you guys joke around, how you tease each other.”

     Y/N didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t entirely sure she knew what her friend was talking about. “He looks at me?” she repeated dumbfoundedly.

     “He does.” Ashley nodded once more. “A lot actually.”

     “How come I’ve never noticed?” she murmured.

     “I don’t know. Maybe you guys were too caught up in pretending to be just friends to realize what was really happening. You do it too, you know? Look at him with hearts in your eyes.” she clarified.

     “I don’t look at him with hearts in my eyes.” Y/N exclaimed slightly offended.

     “Maybe not at first.’ Ashley conceded. “But tell you what, I’m able to exactly tell you when you stopped thinking about him as only your friend.”

     Y/N crossed her arms over her chest. “Please enlighten me because I still have to figure that out myself.”

     “Last May you run into him one morning while jogging, remember? I do because you spent a whole hour talking about it on the phone.”

     “I did not!” she cried out.

     “Yes, you did!” Ashley exclaimed pointing a finger at her. “You called me saying you wanted to catch up but the truth is you needed to talk to someone about your feelings for him. Even if you weren’t aware of it yet. You were all ‘Jungkook is so this’, ‘Jungkook is so that’, ‘I’m so happy that we’re friends again’ and bla bla bla.” she mimicked her friend. “That’s the moment the things shifted.” she added fervently. “That’s when you stopped being friends.”

     Y/N looked at her with wide eyes, trying to process what she had said. She tried remembering that phone call, but she couldn’t. Yes, she remembered calling Ashley as soon as she had gone home, but she couldn’t recall what their conversation had been about. “I - Are you sure I did that?”

     “I am.” Ashley nodded. “If its of any consolation, Jungkook did the same with Yoongi. He created the group chat right after.”

     “Yoongi created the group chat?” Y/N asked taken by surprise.

     The other girl giggled. “I think he might be your number one fan, actually.”

     “So what are you guys saying? That we’re in love with each other?” Y/N mumbled after a moment of silence.

     “You tell me.” Ashley replied sweetly, understanding her friends struggle.

     “I love Hoseok.” Y/N responded automatically.

     “But are you in love with him?”

     That seemed such a stupid question at first, didn’t she just answer that? But then she spotted the difference. Being in love. Over the past month she had repeated over and over again that she loved Hoseok. Of course she did, she cared for him. But was she still in love with him?

     “He’s perfect.” she whispered to herself.

     Ashley smiled at her sadly. “This is going to sound so cliche ... He might be perfect, but maybe he is not perfect for you.”

     Y/N felt tears prickling the corner of her eyes, her heart slowly coming to terms with the reality. “He’s done so much for me.”

     “I know.”

     “He’s such a great man.” she cried. “He didn’t do anything wrong.”

     “Of course, not.” Ashley replied, taking her friends hand in hers. “But neither did you, Y/N There’s nothing wrong in falling out of love with someone.”

     At her words Y/N started sobbing, she had finally stopped denying what deep down she already knew. She was overwhelmed by the pain, she had never felt anything like it. The idea of hurting someone as precious as Hoseok killed her, her heart aching in such a way that it took her breath away. Ashley stood up to hug her friend from behind, feeling her body shake against hers.

     “What am I going to do?” she sobbed.

     “I think you already know.”

     The days after her conversation with Ashley weren’t easy for Y/N. She had spent the rest of the day crying her eyes out, laying on her bed. Her friend had stayed with her until she fell asleep from the exhaustion and left only because she had to go to work. As soon as she was outside the apartment she called her boyfriend and Y/N’s long time best friend, Namjoon, who didn’t think twice before asking Seokjin the spare keys for his sister’s apartment.

     He stayed with her for the rest of the afternoon, giving her words of comfort and understanding, cooling her some ramen and making sure that she drank some water. He had never saw his friend like this, not even Jungkook’s break up had had this effect on her. It was probably the fact that she had anger on her side that time, she had a reason to hate him and that had helped her to move on. This time was different, Hoseok didn’t cheat on her, he didn’t lie to her, he didn’t do anything wrong. He had been the perfect partner despite the distance. 

     Namjoon had no idea what it felt like, discovering that you didn’t love someone anymore, someone with whom you’ve made lifetime plans with, someone you thought would always be by your side. But looking at her best friend, staring far away in the distance with her eyes all red from crying, he hoped he would never have the chance to discover it.

     Y/N had to gather all of her courage and energy to be able to go to work the next morning. The last person she wanted to see that moment was Jungkook, a part of her blamed him for everything: if they hadn’t met again, nothing of this would have happened, she would be still happily in love with Hoseok. 

     Of course, she knew he was only a scapegoat.

     Unfortunately, she had forgotten that Jungkook had promised to pick her up every morning to go to work together, so she had to meet him before she was ready.

     The ride to the hospital was silent and uncomfortable. The boy had noticed her swollen eyes immediately and thought better than ask her about it. Y/N didn’t even try to pretend that she was fine, she didn’t care if he was curious, if he was worried.

     They didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the day, Y/N made sure that she was always as far from him as possible. All she wanted was to stay away from the man with whom she supposedly fell in love with.

     That day turned out to be the worst day of her life. With everything that was going on inside her head, she was too distracted. She wasn’t able to answer to half of Dr. Park’s questions, had to rewrite some of the charts and lost herself on the fourth floor. To make things worst, Y/N had to lead her first code blue, the patient didn’t make it and she had to question her actions for the rest of the shift, wondering if she could have done something more.

     The rest of the week didn’t turn out to be any better. She kept avoiding Jungkook who had now gone from worried for her to angry with her. He had tried to start a conversation, trying to understand why was she so mad at him because, really, he had no clue. 

     Jungkook wasn’t the only one she was treating with the cold shoulder. She had started ignoring Hoseok’s calls too, feeling guilty but not yet ready to do what she knew she had to do. She would send him short messages, making excuses and promising to call him back. She was being coward and she knew it.

     Finding the courage to break up with someone wasn’t easy at all. Especially when that someone was Hoseok, the definition of good.

     Her feelings for Jungkook had taken a back seat. She wasn’t even sure yet that what she felt for him was actually love. And the thought that she was breaking someone’s heart for something so uncertain pained her even more. 

     But nevertheless, what mattered was she couldn’t be with someone she didn’t love anymore, because no matter how painful it was, it wasn’t fair to neither of them.

     At the end of the third week of July, eight days after Y/N had started acting strange around him, Jungkook had finally had enough. 

     She was walking towards the intern’s locker room, ready for her night shift, when she felt a hand grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her throughout the corridor.

     “Jungkook!” she shouted, recognizing his black hair and broad shoulders. “What are you doing?!”

     “I’m kidnapping you.” he answered sternly pushing her inside a small deposit room and closing the door behind him, blocking her only way out. “What the hell is going on?”

     Y/N took an instinctive step back, looking away from him. “Nothing’s going on.”

     “Don’t play stupid.” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “We both know that you’re not stupid. You’ve been awfully distracted this week, you haven’t been answering any of our messages on the group chat and ...” he took a deep breath. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

     “I wasn’t avoiding you.” she lied poorly.

     “Please. Y/N. Tell me what’s going on.” he pleaded taking a step towards her and reaching out his hand to take hers. . She took another one back, surprising him. The last time she had avoided his touch was four years ago. It was a painful memory for both of them. “Is it ... Is it because of the other night? At the pub?” he murmured hesitantly. “Because if that’s what has been on your mind ... We can forget about it if you want.” he said slowly.

     Y/N bit her lip. She wasn’t ready for this conversation yet. “Jungkook ...” she sighed. “It’s not that.” Not entirely, at least, she thought.

     “What is it then?” he asked softly. He tried reaching out for her hand again. This time she couldn’t find it in her to deny him. 

     She had taken his hand a thousand times before when they were together, she always enjoyed how small it looked compared to his, yet this time it felt different.

     I think I’m in love with you, she wanted to tell him. But you have Lisa and I have Hoseok. I’m going to break his heart for you.

     Y/N closed her eyes, trying to push the tears away and trying to ignore the way Jungkook was looking at her, like he would give his right hand to make her smile again. Was this the look Ashley was talking about? Had he really been looking at her like this? How could she miss it?

     “I broke up with Lisa.” Jungkook suddenly confessed making her open her eyes in shock.

     “You what ...” she gasped.

     He squeezed her hand tighter, a determined yet fearful look on his face. “I broke up with Lisa.” he repeated. “Two weeks ago. I haven’t told anyone.”

     Y/N released a shaky breath. “W-why?”

     “Because I didn’t love her anymore.” he said. “I think I never really loved her.”

     Y/N’s mind went blank. She looked down on her shoes, she could feel herself trembling. “Why are you telling me this?”

     Jungkook took a deep breath, intertwining their fingers together. “You know why.”

     Her heart started hammering inside her chest like crazy, her ears ringing.

     What was he saying? That he left her for her? Why? Where was this coming from? What was she supposed to do now? Should he tell him that she was thinking about living Hoseok, too? What would that imply? That they should start dating each other again? She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. She had barely come to terms with all of her feelings. This was too much all of a sudden.

     “The portrait,” he started saying, his voice trembling. “Your portrait, I’ve kept it because I couldn’t find the courage to throw it away, even after all this years. Y/N ... It might have been easy for you to forget me back then, but it wasn’t for me. It still isn’t.” he confessed. “You weren’t a fling for me. I fell in love with you. Everyday since that morning four years ago, I’ve regretted letting you go. Finding you again, being friends with you again, is the greatest thing that happened to me since then. But it’s not enough for me. Not anymore.”

     Y/N felt paralized, she didn’t know what to say. She just looked at him with her mouth half open, his words repeating themselves inside her head.

     “Please say something.” Jungkook pleaded once again.

     Even in a moment like this Y/N couldn’t help herself but to find him handsome. His brows where furrowed in worry, his big doe eyes shone despite the dim light. Jungkook was beautiful and he had just confessed his feelings for her. Yet she couldn’t speak, as if she didn’t know how. 

     She watched defiantly as his expression changed with every second passing in silence. She saw the exact moment all the hope left his body  but still didn’t anything to stop it.

     “Okay.” he murmured in surrender, slowly letting go of her hand. “Okay.”

     He turned her back at her, ready to leave. She could have stopped him, he had given her one last chance to, yet she didn’t.

     And so he left, leaving her alone inside the deposit room.

     It took Y/N three whole days to understand fully what had happened. It took both Ashley’s and Namjoon’s scolding for her to realize that she was about to ruin something beautiful, again. It took Yoongi’s message reading ‘Jungkook told us what happened. Whatever you decide to do, please don’t close us out again. We love you, all three of us.’ for her to decide that enough was enough. It took Seokjin banging like a mad man on her apartment door for her to finally gather the courage to do what she needed to do.

     It took Y/N a total of eleven days since her conversation with Ashley to finally break up with Hoseok.

     “Hey.” he had responded at the fifth ring.

     “Hey.”

     They both sighed on each other’s side of the call. A few moments of silence followed as they listened to each other’s breathing.

     “Y/N ...” he sighed.

     “Yeah?”

     “I’m supposed to fly there in two days.” 

     She closed her eyes, the first tears falling down her cheeks.

     “I know.”

     A pause. “Do you want me to?”

     “I don’t know.” she replied weakly. “Do you?”

     “I don’t know.” he repeated. She heard him taking a deep breath. “It’s over, isn’t?”

     Y/N bit her tongue, trying to suppress a sob. “You’re perfect, Hoseok.” she cried. “We were perfect together.”

     “We were.” he cried as well.

     “I’m so sorry.”

     “Me too.”

     They listened to each other’s cries in silence, feeling the gravity of the moment.

     “I never resigned from the dance studio.” Hoseok suddenly confessed with a broken voice. “I never bought the plane ticket.”

     Y/N didn’t feel angry as she was supposed to, instead she felt relieved. She smiled through the tears. “That’s your place.” 

     “It is.” he agreed sadly. “Y/N?”

     “Yeah?”

     Another pause. “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

     Y/N felt her heart squeeze in pain. She put a hand over her chest, trying to ease the pain and started crying even harder. He felt the same. 

     “I think I’m in love with Jungkook.” she confessed before she could question whether it was right or wrong. Nevertheless she felt a burden lifting from her shoulders once the words came out. She didn’t want anything to be left unsaid between them.

     Hoseok sobbed on the other side of the phone. “I’m not going to ask you if something happened between you two ...”

     “It didn’t!” she interrupted him immediately, she didn’t want him to think that she had disrespected him and their relationship. “I swear.”

     “I’m not going to ask you,” he continued. “Because it wouldn’t change anything.”

     This was it. It was over. Nothing they could say would turn back things around.

     “I really am sorry, Hoseok.”

     “Me too, Y/N.” he said trying to calm down his breathing. “I think I’ve known that it was over for quite some time now, but I’ve been trying to act normal because I thought it was only the distance. I wasn’t brave enough to face the truth.”

     Y/N wanted to laugh: the idea that even in a moment like this the two of them had the same thoughts was sadly ironic.

     “I really thought you were the one, you know?”

     “I thought so too.”

     There was another moment of silence in which the both of them calmed themselves listening to the other’s steady breathing, preparing for the final goodbye.

     “Do you think we could be friends some day?” Y/N asked sincerely curious.

     “Not for some time.” Hoseok smiled.

     She nodded in understanding. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

     “Thank you for being my best supporter.”

     “I still am.” she smiled.

     “I’ll send you the link to the music video.” he joked.

     “I’ll be waiting for it.” she giggled softly.

     They lingered another minute in silence, savoring their last moment as a couple.

     “Goodbye, Hoseok.”

     “Goodbye, Y/N.” he hang up.

     Staring at the screen of her phone she felt one last tear falling. She looked at the flower vase that was sitting on her nightstand. Ashley had gifted it to her the day before.

     “These are daffodils.” her note had read. “They represent rebirth, new beginnings.”

     She smiled.

     A week later Y/N woke up in at 3 a.m. in the morning. She had another dream about Jungkook. She had been having a lot of them lately, some of them innocent, some of them not.

     After her break up she had decided to give herself some needed time to put the pieces of her life back together. Truth be told, everything happened way to fast.

      She told herself that before giving Jungkook an answer she had to be 100% sure that she really wanted to be with him. He deserved that at least. 

     Jungkook, rightfully so after he had lost all hope to be with Y/N again, had started giving the same treatment she had given him a week prior: he avoided her. Those few times she was able to steal a better look at him, Y/N noticed that he looked paler and had dark circles under her eyes. She couldn’t believe that she never saw his feelings for what they really were, Jungkook had the most expressive eyes she ever saw. And she called herself an intelligent person. 

     More than once Y/N had to fight the urge to just grab him from the collar of his scrubs and just kiss the hell out of him and put an end to both of their misery. That would serve a lesson as well to those girls who kept flirting with him everywhere he went.

     That night, at 3 a.m., had woken up from a very vivid dream. A distant memory. Their first kiss. 

     It was New Years Eve and Namjoon had dragged her to this beach party because he wanted to see his crush. There, she run into Jungkook. As the people around them started counting down for midnight, he had taken her hand and had run with her over a hill. With the fireworks exploding behind them he had taken her face in his hands and had kissed her. In the most passionate way.

     Reliving that moment brought chills to her spine and before she could second guess she jumped out of the bed, put on her running shoes and grabbed her house keys.

     She run. She run down the stairs of her building, run around the park until she got to Yoongi and Jungkook’s shared apartment in record time. She took a deep breath and pushed their name on the intercom. Once, twice, three times until Yoongi’s raspy from sleep voice answered.

     “Who the hell is it.”

     “It’s me, Y/N.” she replied a little out of breath. “Open the door.”

     “Y/N?” he exclaimed dumbfounded. “You better have an explaining for this.”

     “I do. Please, open the door. I need to talk to Jungkook.”

     There was a pause before the door finally opened. She climbed the stairs two at a time. Yoongi was already waiting for her, hair all over the place.

     “If you didn’t come here to tell him that you love him I’m going to call the police on you.” he threatened.

     Y/N smiled at him widely before jumping into his arms to give him a quick hug. “You can go back to sleep, Yoongi.”

     Without waiting for his reply she walked briskly towards Jungkook’s bedroom and opened his door quietly. She knew that he was still asleep, not even a cannon ball could wake him up at this hour.

   She tiptoed to his bed and layed beside him under the covers. He was beautiful even in his sleep, with his mouth open and a little bit of snoring. She put an arm around his chest, hugging him and waiting for him to feel her presence. It took him a few seconds.

     He turned to his side and put an arm around her body, engulfing her into his own. “Y/N.” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Is this a dream?”

     She smiled, putting a hand on his cheek. Enough waiting. Enough denying. “It’s not.”

     “You’re really here?” he asked with a doubtful and cute pout.

     “I am.” she whispered back. She snuggled closer to him.

     Jungkook then slowly opened his eyes only to find Y/N’s staring right back at him. His breath hitched. “Y/N.”

     “Hey.”

     “What are you doing here?”

     “What do you think?’ she smiled caressing the skin under his eye with her thumb. She wanted to kiss away those dark circles.

     “I’m not fully awake yet.” he admitted making her laugh.

     “Go back to sleep then.”

     “You’re staying here?” he asked his eyes already half closed.

     “Do you want me to leave?”

     He shook his head. “No. Stay right here.” he sighed contentedly as she snuggled closer, their nose grazing one another. “I haven’t slept well for days.”

     “I know.” she whispered, her breath fanning over his lips.

     “I’m really tired.” he whispered back inching closer.

     “I know.” she repeated.

     “I might be having hallucinations.”

     Y/N sighed, slightly annoyed. “You’re not.”

     “So if I kiss you, you’re not gonna disappear?”

     “I’m not.”

     “Good.” and then his lips were on hers.

     It was slow and gentle. They savored each other’s taste, long forgotten but still familiar. They trembled in each other’s arms and breathed the other’s breath. It was just as magical as Y/N’s dream. Just as magical as the first time.

     Once they separated she heard Jungkook sigh once again. “Please tell me you left Hoseok.” he pleaded, his voice unsteady.

     “I did.” she assured him hiding her face in the curve oh his neck. He smelled like beautiful memories.

     Jungkook stayed silent for a minute, hugging her closer to him, if that was even possible. “We have a lot to talk about.”

     “I know.” she nodded. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow at breakfast.”

     “Ice americano, grande with two extra shots?”

     She smiled against his skin. “And a chocolate muffin.”

     They listened to each other’s breathing until they started falling asleep once more. Both happier that they’ve ever been over the past month.

     “Y/N?” Jungkook suddenly called her.

     “Mmmh?” she mumbled half in the arms of Morpheus.

     “If this is your way of saying you love me too, it’s a little bit creepy.”

     “Shut up.”

Daffodil 

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Mentions of cheating

Word count 21k

Summary  “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, Ash.” Y/N sighed looking up at the ceiling. “It’s totally stupid, I know. Completely foolish. Definitely useless. I’m with the most perfect guy, literally the most perfect guy in the whole world. He’s sweet, smart, funny and attentive. He makes me feel loved, he makes sure I don’t need for anything. He’s the perfect man to build a family and grew old with. I know I love him, I never doubted it, not even once. But when I’m with him … I feel this thing. It’s like a pull, yes, like there’s a magnet between us. He just does something to me, he messes with my head. And I’ve been trying to fight it but it’s so … I swear if I wasn’t with someone else I would have already jumped him. Oh my god, what did I just say! Oh my God. This is so stupid. I’m a terrible person. This is our secret, okay? Promise me to not tell Namjoon! Shit, never tell my brother either!”

Disclaimer English is not my first language and I might be a little out of practice.

A/N This is a continuation of Snapdragon, it is strongly recommended to read it first! I made good use of my Grey’s Anatomy knowledge. This is yet to be proof read. To be edited.

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

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Edited!

Snapdragon

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre College AU | Fratboy AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Cheating

Word count 18.5k

Summary Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were also starting to sting. What’s happening to me? Y/N finally took a deep trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him in the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

A/N Beware of poetic license and heavy citations. To be edited.

©️ dfdph, 2020 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Keep reading

Updated again because I suck at my own deadlines.

Freesia coming today!

Updated: November 30, 2021

Continua a leggere

Freesia (A Snapdragon drabble) 

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst

Warnings Mentions of cheating

Word count 3k

Summary The feeling was that of déjà-vu. The scene before her eyes felt way too familiar to her heart. And the ache – the ache was just the same.

Snapdragon (main) | Daffodil (sequel)

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

             The pub was as packed as always, people’s voices echoing throughout the big room and a soft music playing in the background. Y/N felt a little irritable that evening and didn’t really feel like socializing, but since her friends insisted so much she convinced herself to go. That morning’s shift was especially hard on Y/N. For unknown reasons Dr. Park, her assigned resident, was in a very bad mood and, of course, took it all out on her – more than he already did. Moreover, as if being insulted every other minute wasn’t enough, Y/N lost one of her patients. She couldn’t have done anything really, the old man was terminally ill, but she had grown quite fond of him.

              The group was sitting around a long table in the corner of the pub. The guys were chatting and laughing about something, but Y/N wasn’t really paying attention. Her eyes were fixed at the bar counter where her boyfriend of two months Jungkook was waiting to get his order through. She wasn’t looking at his wide shoulders or the strong profile of his face. There was something else that was bothering Y/N and it was the presence of a woman next to him. She was clearly eyeing him out, from head to toe. From her perspective she seemed like a beautiful woman, her figure was for sure. Not even the winter apparel could hide her slim body and the ample curve of her breasts. In his defence, Jungkook wasn’t even looking in her direction, but Y/N felt a pang of jealousy nonetheless. She guessed it was one of the cons of having such an attractive boyfriend.

              As he walked back to their table, making the whole pub his personal runaway, Jungkook smiled sweetly at her and she smiled back. Since they started dating again, the man had been nothing but perfect to her, really. Just like in those couple of months they dated back in college, Jungkook proved himself to be very attentive, funny and romantic – and just like back then he – apparently – gave Y/N no reason not to trust him. But tonight – she was not sure if it was because everything went wrong that day – Y/N felt something was off.

              Yet the rest of the night went by smoothly. The guys were being their loud selves as always, reminiscing about past misadventures and laughing about the present. Until, at 2 a.m., they finally decided to call it a night.

              “I’ll go to the toilette first.” Y/N told Jungkook. He nodded, taking his car keys out of his pocket.

              The two of them had started unofficially living together in Y/N’s apartment over the last couple of weeks. It came naturally since they spent most of their time together anyways. It was strange for Y/N at first, sharing her space with another person again after Hoseok, but Jungkook made it easy as he took it slowly and carefully.

              The line to the toilette was long, longer than Y/N expected, half a dozen girls waiting ahead of her. She would have waited as well if it wasn’t for the fact that she was so tired. All she wanted to do was go home and cuddle with her boyfriend under the blankets. She turned around, deciding to catch up with the others, but stopped abruptly on her tracks at the sight in front of her.

              At the end of the dimly lit corridor was a scene that felt way too familiar. Jungkook was leaning on the wall, his hands inside the pocket of his jeans, his eyes on a girl standing in front of him. Y/N recognized her immediately, she was the same one that was staring at him at the counter and was now playing flirtingly with a strand of her wavy hair. The parallel was immediate. The feeling was that of déjà-vu. The scene before her eyes felt way too familiar to her heart. And the ache – the ache was just the same. Y/N felt as if she had been taken back to that day in college, at the last football game of the season, watching as Sarah and Jungkook shared a kiss.

              Her breath hitched and her heart stopped, just like that day. Maybe it was precipitous but Y/N immediately felt pessimistic. She bit her lip, trying to calm herself. She tried pushing the unpleasant feeling aside and forced herself to wait before assuming the worst. She tried to analyse the situation.

              Jungkook wasn’t speaking and was wearing – she was happy to see – a disinterested expression, eyes unfocused on the person in front of him. The latter was the one doing all the talking, standing way too close to him for Y/N’s liking. The fact that Jungkook seemed almost annoyed made her feel slightly better, her feelings going from anxious to jealousy in a heartbeat. She didn’t like seeing another girl talking to him.

              Y/N took a deep breath, her confidence back up, and decisively walked towards the couple. As Jungkook saw her approaching, a smile crept to his face. He broke away from the wall, startling the girl in front of him, and met Y/N halfway.

              “That was quick.” He commented, holding out his hand for her to take.

              “The line is too long.” She answered, intertwining their fingers, her eyes fixed on the other girl who, understanding the situation, cleverly walked away in a hurry. “Let’s go home.”

              The drive to the apartment went quietly. Even if she saw with her own eyes that nothing had happened, Y/N couldn’t help but let her thoughts wonder. Her emotions were going up and down like a rollercoaster, going from jealousy to anger to dismissiveness.

              What if she didn’t walk on them the moment she did? What if she was a few minutes late? What if what she saw wasn’t Jungkook being disinterested but him being cautious? What if the two of them knew each other already?

              A huge part of her knew she was being foolish, but Y/N couldn’t help but feel anxious nonetheless. She knew deep down what was the reason behind what she was feeling, even if she didn’t want to admit it. She couldn’t believe that something that happened so long ago was affecting her now. She couldn’t believe that the first thought she had when seeing Jungkook with another woman was his younger self kissing Sarah near the locker rooms.

              Jungkook, on the other hand, who was now closing the apartment door behind him, had no idea of how deep her girlfriend’s worries were and almost felt amused and pleased by it. From his point of view, his girlfriend being jealous was proof of how much she cared for him.

              He watched as Y/N distractedly took of her coat and then head towards the bathroom without a word. He sighed, trying to suppress a smile.

              He took of his shoes and walked towards their shared bedroom, preparing himself for the talk that was about to come, because there was no way she was letting this slide. He knew her too well. He sat down on the edge of the bed as he heard the water flush. Y/N entered the room a minute later, her eyes down and clearly pensive.

              “Y/N?” he called as she started undressing, her back at him. He decided it was best if he took the lead because he knew how proud she was.

              “Mh?”

              “Can you look at me, please?” Jungkook said softly. The woman didn’t answer nor moved, putting on her pajamas. “Why are you angry at me?”

              “I’m not angry at you.” She replied flatly.

              “Yes, you are.” Jungkook smiled. He never saw this side of her and was looking forward to it, his ego already inflating.

              “I’m not.” She said, still keeping her back at him, combing her hair just to keep herself occupied, an excuse to avoid him.

              Y/N - completely unaware of Jungkook’s thoughts - knew that she was being irrational. Just a couple hours ago she was thinking of how perfect he was for her and here she was now, being angry at him for something he didn’t do but could have done.

              “I know you.”

              “Not well enough, apparently.” She answered more bitter than she meant to.

              Jungkook sighed. “Do you want me to tell you why I think you’re angry?” Y/N shrugged stubbornly. “I think you’re angry because you saw that girl talking to me back at the pub.” He continued unable to hide the smirk in his voice. “And you are being all jealous about it.”

              Y/N kept quiet. She tried to decipher his mood since it didn’t match her own. As she turned around to face him, she surprisingly found him smiling gleefully at her. She felt angry all over again.

              “You think its funny?” she barked seriously.

              It caught Jungkook off guard, he didn’t expect such harshness.

              “You think it’s funny?” she repeated. “I caught you with another woman and you laugh?”

              “Y/N.” Jungkook called her name warningly, straightening his back, finally catching on how serious the situation was. “You were there. You saw what happened.”

              “I didn’t see anything.”

              “Exactly.” He murmured standing up and putting his hands on her shoulders. “Because nothing happened.”

              She shrugged him off instinctively, secretly regretting it as soon as she saw the hurt in his face. “Who was she?” she questioned, giving voice to all her worries.

              “I have no idea.” He admitted sincerely.

              Y/N looked down on the floor, her hands closed in fists. “I saw you talking to her at the counter earlier.”

              Jungkook frowned. “What are you talking about?”

              Somehow, his defensive tone irritated her even more. “Earlier.” She repeated. “While you were ordering your drink, she was next to you.”

              “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He replied.

              Y/N huffed, her heart beating faster for some reason. “I saw you.” She insisted before she could think twice about it. “First at the counter an then in the corridor. Are you sure you don’t know her?”

              “Are you being serious right now?” Jungkook sighed, running his hands through his hair with frustration. “I can’t believe this.”

              Y/N started feeling defensive. “I am serious.”

              “She was some random girl at the pub, Y/N. Are we really doing this?” he asked looking up at her with some undefined emotion.

              She looked away, unable to handle his stare. She knew that this conversation was completely useless and groundless but she was unable to stop herself, it was like she wanted to have this fight. “We are.” She replied. “Because I don’t b–“ she stopped herself abruptly, she knew that what she was about to say was harsh and untrue. But it was too late, Jungkook had caught on it.

              “You don’t believe me?” he completed, clearly offended.

              A heavy silence fell among them. As the seconds passed, the opportunity to correct herself vanished, giving the statement the importance it didn’t have.

              Jungkook looked at her face, trying to meet her eyes with no avail. She wasn’t throwing a tantrum, it was clear to him now. She was deadly serious, she was sincerely hurt. And now he was too. How could she really believe that he would cheat on her? He never gave her the reason to –.

               But I did, he came to a sudden realization. A heavy breath left his lips.

               He too now remembered all those years ago, when everything went downhill for a mistake he had made. He taught that it was in the past, he taught that they cleared that misunderstanding. Apparently, there were still some unsaid things between them.

              All the anger washed away from his body, replaced by nothing but hurt and sadness. Discovering that the woman he loved had no trust in him was terrible enough, but knowing that he gave her the reason for it was heart breaking.

              He took a step away from her, suddenly feeling unable to be near her, guilt invading his whole body, making him ache all over.

              As she saw him walking away, Y/N felt instant panic. She didn’t mean for all of it to degenerate. Logically speaking, she knew that he had done nothing wrong that night. “Where are you going?”

              Jungkook didn’t answer, walking out of the room with heavy steps. Y/N followed. “Jungkook?”

              “What?” he sighed.

              “Where are you going?” she repeated.

              “To get some water, Y/N.”

              She watched as he took a glass from the counter and fill it with fresh water, she watched as he stared to its surface without drinking it, hundreds of emotions in his eyes. She wanted to say she was sorry, that she didn’t mean it, but no words came out of her mouth.

              “I really had no idea who she was.” He mumbled after a while. “She came to me. Yes, her intentions were clear, but I swear I minded my own business.”

              Y/N nodded slowly. “I believe you.”

              Jungkook smiled sadly at her. “Do you?”

              She gulped. He seemed to be looking straight through her. “I do.”

              “I can’t stop people from talking to me.”

              “I know.” She said walking slowly towards him, her anger subsiding for the nth time that evening.

              He put the full glass down and took both of her hands in his. “I have no interest in any of them.”

              Y/N nodded once again, looking down at his thumbs drawing sweet circles on her skin. “I know.”

              “I love you.” Jungkook confessed, trying to convey every emotion he was feeling. “I’m in love with you.”

              Y/N felt her eyes swell with tears as she looked up at him. He looked incredibly sad, his eyes red as well. “I know.” She repeated. “I’m sorry.”

              He shook his head. “I’m the one who is sorry. It’s my fault.”

              “It isn’t.” Y/N reassured him. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

              “I did. Maybe not tonight, but I did.” Jungkook whispered. “And that’s the reason why you don’t trust me.”

              Y/N squeezed his hands guiltily. “I do trust you. I was being stupid. I know that you did nothing wrong.”

              “Yet you feel betrayed nonetheless.”

              “I-“

              Jungkook shook his head, interrupting her. “It’s okay. I understand.” He said, raising a hand to caress her cheek. “I think – I think that maybe we haven’t really talked about what happened four years ago. I mean really talk about it. We assumed that since it was so long ago it wouldn’t have consequences on our relationship, but clearly we were wrong.”

              “I thought I was over it.” She admitted, relieved that he understood where she was coming from, even before she found the courage to admit it out loud. “I really thought I was.”

              “Me too.”

              “It made me jealous. Seeing you with another girl.” She clarified. “Even if I saw and I knew that nothing happened. It was completely irrational.” She acknowledged. “It brought me back to that day.”

              Jungkook took a deep breath, well aware of what she was talking about. He too was thinking about it, about the day she poured all of her hate towards him and he did nothing but cry in the arms of his friends. “I think I’ve never really apologized to you for what I did. I really am sorry, Y/N, for breaking your trust. For breaking what was meant to be something beautiful.”

              “I’m sorry too.” She smiled through the tears. “For not giving you a chance to explain and for running away.” She thought back at how she closed the door to all of their friends, how she ignored all of their messages or how she completely changed her habits just to avoid him.

              “I should have come to you. I could have but I didn’t. Despite the whole situation with Sarah I should have fought for you.” He rest his forehead against hers. “If only I did, what you felt today would have had a completely different weight.”

              “Just a silly girlfriend being jealous of her handsome boyfriend.” She joked, tears streaming down her cheeks.

              Jungkook nodded grimly. “Instead of a girl fearing of being cheated on once again.”

              “Jungkook.” She cried.

              “It’s what happened.” He reassured her. “There’s no use it denying it.”

              Y/N knew he was right. She wouldn’t have felt the way she did if there wasn’t a precedent.

              “We were young.” She mumbled.

              Jungkook shook his head. “I was stupid and we were proud.” He corrected her.

              “And we aren’t anymore?” she teased.

              “Of course we are.” He smirked drying her tears with his thumb. “The proudest couple in the world. But I don’t want our pride to create misunderstandings between us.” He continued, now seriously. “Let’s promise each other to always talk, to never let anything linger and to always clear things up.”

              “That seems reasonable.” She smiled.

              Jungkook smiled back. “Are we okay?”

              Y/N circled his torso in a hug and nodded. “We are. I’m sorry for overreacting.”

              “I’ll make it up to you.” He promised kissing the crown of her head. “Until one day we’ll completely forget about it.”

              The next morning Y/N found a beautiful bouquet of white flowers laying beside her on the bed. She had slept late, too tired from all that happened the day before. Jungkook, on the other hand, had the morning shift and left the apartment early.

              Y/N sat up on the bed, her hair all dishevelled and brought the flowers to her nose. Their smell reminded her of sweet summer fruits and something delicate.

              She picked up the folded paper attached to it and opened it. He clearly took time to write it and Y/N could imagine him hunched over, thinking about his words. As she read the note, she started tearing up once again.

              “These flowers are called freesias. They symbolize ‘trust’, something that I realized is missing in our relationship. I won’t make the same mistake again. I will not let it ruin what we are trying to build. So I promise to you, Y/N, that from this day forward I’ll work hard to earn your trust again. I promise to you, that you will never feel that way ever again. I committed a terrible mistake years ago and if I have to spend the rest of my days correcting it, I will. Even back then I knew how special you were and I sincerely regretted letting you go when I did. Finding you again, falling in love with you again so easily … it might sound clichéd, but I feel it was destiny. So please, trust me when I say that I love you. I love you, Y/N. More than anything in this world. Jungkook.”

Are you planning on continuing Snapdragon???

If we are talking about another 20k chapter ... not so sure at the moment. But I'm planning on writing some drabbles about it! Snippets of the past and the future!

I actually just published one called Freesia! Hope you give it a read!

i really wanted to enjoy daffodil, but i just couldn’t bring myself to. i love the way you write, going into detail of every step during the process of ocs love story. i love the first part, snapdragon, but i just couldn’t love the sequel. i’m not used to change, and maybe it’s because i wanted oc to have a happy ending with hoseok because he was perfect, but reading how oc lost feelings for hoseok and gained them for jungkook made my skin itch. i couldn’t bring myself to finish the last few parts of it, but you’re a great writer.

Hi! That's totally fine and I totally get it! I wanted to talk about falling out of love, even if the person seems so perfect, because sometimes it's just not meant to be, you know?

Thank you for giving Daffodil your time! Hope to see you in other stories of mine!

Freesia (A Snapdragon drabble) 

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre Med AU | Romance | Angst

Warnings Mentions of cheating

Word count 3k

Summary The feeling was that of déjà-vu. The scene before her eyes felt way too familiar to her heart. And the ache – the ache was just the same.

©️ dfdph, 2021 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Continua a leggere

Hi! Im a bit lost about Snapdragon and the two drabbles after. So what did jk actual do to the oc? We obviously know cheating,but was it just that kiss that Sarah did or did he sleep with her while in a relationship with the oc? Because I’m pretty sure it says something like that, but with the drabbles afterwords it kind of implies that the cheating jk did was the kiss that Sarah initiated and not the sleeping with her, like that was before him and oc were dating. In one of the drabbles (I forgot which one 😭) but it says something along the the lines of the oc thinking that jk actually cheated on her but it was a misunderstanding and that has to be about the kiss, but then in the same drabble I believe, jk says something like how he doesn’t even remember what happened, so I’m thinking that’s about the after party he got drunk at and slept with Sarah that was mentioned in the first fic. And in the Fressia drabble, all that is mentioned is the kiss when bringing up the cheating.

the oc just talks about it being a misunderstanding and that he really didn’t cheat but at the same brings up that he cheated but it’s only about the kiss. While in the the fic it implies that they slept together when he and the oc were dating, so it’s not a misunderstanding, he’s a cheater. And I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen jk talk about his side of the story yet, only Sarah’s and that says that they slept together but he told her he was breaking things off but then said they slept together again (if I’m remembering correctly) and that she was the one who kissed him Etc. I’m just really confused on what actually happened 😭

Hi!! So sorry I’m super late to this!

So, chronologically speaking JK and Sarah were sex buddies before he met Y/N. As he started developing feelings for Y/N he started seeing Sarah less and less and the last time they were together was on New Year’s Eve (when JK and Y/N had their first kiss).

Fast forward weeks, JK and Y/N are officially a couple, but ... after party happens, alcohol and muscle memory I guess ... JK has drunk sex with Sarah.

 From my point of view - or JK’s subconscious’ point of view - since it was early on in their relationship, JK wasn’t in love with Y/N yet. He really really really liked her and care for her. He knew he fucked up nonetheless and was afraid of losing what he thought could have been the love of his life (?). He was so scared of the consequences that he didn’t talk about it to his bestest of friends. So - cowardly, or better yet superficially - he decided to completely eliminate the memory from his head. And at some point I think he really did because after the initial guilt-phase everything got back to normal. 

From Y/N’s perspective, the kiss is the trigger. It’s what she saw with her own eyes, she knows he had sex with another girl but it didn’t hurt as much as the kiss because she was in love with him when it happened. Y/N had thought about it over the years: if JK confessed as soon as the after party thing she would have left him, yes, but because he would have hurt her pride more than her heart. And probably she would have given him a second chance too if given the time to get over it. 

I’m not sure I’m making any sense. 

Again, chronologically speaking:

1. JK and Sarah are sex buddies.

2. JK and Y/N meet and start developing feelings for each other.

3. JK starts seeing Sarah less and less, New Years’ Eve is the last time he sees her.

4. At midnight JK and Y/N kiss for the first time, they become a couple. Not in love yet!

5. JK gets drunk at the after party and has sex with Sarah.

6. Okay, now they are in love.

7. Sarah is pregnant, thinks JK is the father, makes a move and kisses him. Y/N sees.

8. They break up. Y/N has kissing trauma (haha)

Aaand again, I’m not sure all of this answer your questions. I tried!!

I really thank you so much because I didn’t know I needed this! It made me realize that there are a lot of things I need to clear up! So you just inspired me! 

More of Snapdragon JK and Y/N to come!!

Snapdragon

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook / Reader (female)

Genre College AU | Fratboy AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Warning Cheating

Word count 18.5k

Summary Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed with her head down and her hands on her knees, her knuckles white. He wished he could avert his gaze but something inside him wanted to masochistically remember this moment. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his own hands trembling inside the pocket of his jeans. If he didn’t know himself better, he could swear his eyes were also starting to sting. What’s happening to me? Y/N finally took a deep trembling breath, as if she was trying to compose herself and not cry. She looked him in the eyes with all the courage she could gather and finally spoke the words he had been secretly preparing himself to hear. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Jungkook. With all my heart.”

A/N Beware of poetic license and heavy citations. To be edited.

©️ dfdph, 2020 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

Keep reading