Janitor!Brad Predictions/headcanons From Someone Who Is Actually A Janitor (basically A List Of Things

Janitor!Brad predictions/headcanons from someone who is actually a janitor (basically a list of things they tell you not to do):

dusts right over people’s heads so it falls on them

“accidentally” throws out some of David’s belongings and watches him spend an hour trying to find them

interrupts every emotionally intense conversation by loudly opening a garbage bag right next to them, scaring the shit out of them

overhears great blackmail material because people don’t notice he’s there

steals toilet paper

kicks CW out of the janitor’s closet

mops over people’s feet

wipes down people’s chairs with a wet rag right before they were about to sit down

vacuums at the least convenient times

is terrible at driving the floor cleaning machines, which is actually kind of good for the people he tries to run over

uses the “i’m just a janitor” way more than necessary

throws out food if it’s been in the fridge for more than one day

every time there’s chaos the camera cuts to him aimlessly wiping something and looking amused

finds the pettiest reasons to accuse David of oppressing him. “Brad, I know you were about to go on your lunch break but could you refill the paper towels first?” “It’s always the people at the bottom who have to make the most sacrifices, never you bosses at the top.”

it was supposed to be a night janitor job but he wants to feel included so works during the day. David lets him because he missed him

always seems to need to clean the conference room when they’re having meetings

actually kind of enjoys it because it’s the first time he’s in a low stakes situation because there’s nothing more Zack would want to take from him

Doctor Strange Spoilers Kind of?

If I ever turn evil, just get Patrick Stewart to look into my eyes and say that “just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean their lost forever” line with his gentle, understanding eyes. I will do the fastest life makeover in the world. I will speed run that redemption arc. I will fix my mistakes so fast it breaks the space-time continuum out of sheer force of will to not disappoint him.

it’s a shame that Declan “mommy and clone-mommy issues” Lynch never got to visit 300 Fox Way

Same character, different font (and color scheme)

I loved that the D&D movie really felt like a campaign. Doing a bunch of backstory at the beginning establishing how the characters know each other like in a session zero, overpowered DMPC that has to leave the story because they’d be too helpful, finding important information at a tavern, etc. They don’t reference gameplay and yet you know exactly how it’s the game. 

Behold: my son