Dissociatedbi - This Blog Is My Therapist's Idea - Tumblr Blog

me, being born to parents incapable of love: ah but this just means I will do the impossible! I will be a perfect child! I will do so good and try so hard they'll see it and then decide to love me! This can happen!

me, sometime later, with cptsd: and perhaps,,, I will not do the impossible,,, also help--

nothing has made me feel like an ancient grumpy crone more than the “using chatgpt for school is fine actually” sentiment among youths

“do you really wanna be on medication for the rest of your life” if you knew me unmedicated you’d want me to be on medication for the rest of my life too

Recently I keep thinking about how I wasn't allowed to clean myself properly as a child. My mother was obsessed with ridiculing me for my general hygiene making her look bad, but didn't allow me to condition my hair or moisturize my face or use soap on certain areas of my body. Like why? If you're so obsessed with how I look, why are you trying to make me look bad?

This too shall pass but like holy fuck

Hey, able-bodied folks, if a disabled person is complaining about something being unfair/inaccessible because of our disabilities, you know you don't have to explain to us why that unfairness/inaccessibility a thing, right? Chances are we know it is the way it is. It's still unfair and we still want to talk about it.

I saw a video by an amputee warning other disabled people not to go to Thorpe Park in England, as they paid full price to enter, but were only allowed on 3 rides due to their amputation. This is something I also experienced when I went to the Gold Coast (mostly at Movie World, Wet n' Wild and, to a lesser extent, Dreamworld) and at Lunar Park in Sydney. There were also several others in the comments talking about similar experiences elsewhere.

But among these comments were dozens of people saying, "it's for health and safety reasons! The ride won't be able to hold you in!" And like... yeah, we know why. It doesn't make it any less unfair that we pay the same as you for a fraction of the experience. It doesn't make it feel any less shitty when you scrimp and save to do something like go to a theme park only to have to sit on the side line and watch your friends/family have fun without you. It doesn't make it any less scummy that there's very little warning that this will be the case (most of the time) until you arrive. It doesn't make it any less frustrating that so many recreational and fun activities don't even consider the possibility that disabled people would want to join in.

It's not just this video. It happens a lot. Any time someone complains about inaccessibility, there's always someone there trying to explain why the inaccessibility is there.

A resteraunt or shop isn't accessible? "Have you considered the person just didn't know/didn't have the money to fix it/were renting and weren't allowed to fix it?"

You called to see if some place was accessible, were told it was but when you arrive, it's not? "Have you considered the person didnt actually know/ thought it was and just made a mistake?"

You complain that a device/item/furniture item you bought isn't usable because of your disability despite there being no indication this would be the case before you bought it/no way to further verify it before hand? "Have you considered that disabled people make up such a small minority of their buyers they just didn't realise?"

Yeah, we know. Every single one. We considered it. a lot more than you did, i promise. We know why. We know sometimes mistakes happen, people don't think to consider us, there could be health and safety reasons for the lack of access, that people just don't know, and that it's not usually maliciousness or intentional ableism. I promise, we know all of it. We still need to talk about it though, so things can get better.

"i would kill for you" "i would die for you" okay but would you forgive me if i forgot something important for the 51204th time in a row even though i tried my best to remember

I have this advance reader copy of a book I'm reviewing and the writing is awesome in general, the story is great, but They Be Fucking™ every damn chapter. the sex they're having is mid at best (and dv/sa at worst). I am le tired. Signed up for romantasy and got served borderline erotica instead. 🫠

it's interesting. I see the youth worry about getting old to the point where they think 30 is old, 35 is old, 40 is old, while to me, getting older is a luxury I never thought I would have. older means I'm still here. older means I made it through things I didn't think I would. older means I have more chances. I rather like older, thank you very much.

just gonna leave this here

in recognition of World Down Syndrome Day on March 21

people vaguely saying 'the horrors' as shorthand for 'life problems, don't worry about it' in conversations where the problems are not going to be delved into has got to be one of my favorite new Ways Of Speaking that has emerged. like it's polite and vague and succinct enough for impersonal conversation but also extremely honest. it's very funny. The Horrors. we all know of them.

i can get to my desk IF someone moves a chair out of the way is not accessibility

i can get in the building IF i’m having a really good day and can open the door myself is not accessibility

i can get in the building IF i go through loopholes to be allowed to use the accessible entrance is not accessibility

i can get to one desk BUT i don’t have a choice in where i sit and everyone else does is not accessibility

there is an accessible entrance BUT it is farther away and more inconveniently placed than any inaccessible entrance is not accessibility

accessibility should not have conditions. all of these are still good, compared to absolutely no access. but disabled people should not have to settle for “just barely good enough”

Nothing happened, I'm just disabled.

And if something did happen, it's not your business.

You are not owed an explanation for my disability.

My cane is not an open door for interrogation.

Let me exist.

It's a really weird moment, going to a 2nd opinion doctor at a big university hospital and being told "your doctor is right, there's nothing else we can do for you besides remove your colon and reconstruct your pelvic floor surgically."

Moment of silence for my asshole. RIP

I'm getting back to a level of chronically ill where I'm like "wow I am actually very seriously sick all the time and not able to manage and facing the possibility of an incredibly drastic surgery" and I really really don't like it. I'm just over here hurtling towards the point of no return, preparing to have a huge organ removed from my body but having to suffer with it for the next 5 months while I wait for referrals, and I'm just tired and scared and sick.

Something I haven't seen spoken about a lot is the psychological impact of being chronically ill and experiencing horrific symptoms, and knowing that literally no one can help you.

I could call a doctor, but I already know what's wrong. There's literally nothing they can do for me. And I can't afford to go just for reassurance.

I'm just in a flare and sometimes it's Like This. And you just have to swallow symptoms that live in the nightmares of well people, because you can't just have an emotional breakdown every time you're in a flare.

So I'm in horrible pain and distress, and I can't call for help, because no one can help me, and I have to act like it's fine, so I don't worry other people who get Very Upset that I can't just Fix It

And there's just a deep psychological burden in that, that I don't think well and able bodied people ever really think about.

"disability only exists because the world isnt accessible" idk how to tell you this but chronic pain still hurts

Do not talk about your abusive family on tiktok. Do not talk about your closeted identity on tiktok. Do not talk about your traumas and mental illnesses on tiktok. Do not talk about your plans to move out from your abusive household on tiktok. Do not talk about the ways you disagree with your bigoted family on tiktok.

Do not attach your face or voice to anything on tiktok that you do not want your family members, neighbors, coworkers, or classmates to see. Be smart and stay safe.