Dream-wrecker-blog - Words Are But A Dream

Dear Diary #2

Today is another day in the life that I wish I had better control over. Recently I had done a reading for this Philly photographer I know of. for some shrooms. I had an interesting experience the first time I had tried it. So I wanted to try it again.

He's in town for New York fashion week. He stopped by my job to drop them off. Honestly I was a bit annoyed by him because he took an additional 3 hours to get to me. He through me off track for the evening. I have a nightly routine I like to keep to. I work out when I wake up, go to work and work out before I go to sleep.

Well, after getting the shrooms, I have to say that I honestly hesitated to take them. I was alone that night. And people have always said that if you're not experienced in it that you should not take them alone.... But! I did anyway. I like to make tinctures or teas. Instead of taking them flat out. To me I think it's easier to control them that way. If I have felt I've taken too much I can always dilute it. Or! so I thought.

After a few days of contemplating if I should do it or not. I evenly took out my portable coffee grinder. Placed the bits and pieces of the shrooms into the grinder and ground them into a course mix and added it to a tea that I had brewed for fat loss. Man!!!! was that shit nasty. lol There was not enough brown sugar in the world to replace that taste. lol

After taking a few sips, I was not feeling anything at all so I started to gulp it. Five min started to pass. Then ten, around twenty minutes. I started to hear the Tv slur. Which slightly freaked me out. I was too shocked because the high's I've ever experienced were head highs. Not body highs and this! This high, was both. I stared laughing for what ever reason. I was very confused about it. I felt like a child. I really did! I was scared & confused because I did not know what I should expect. But! at the same time I felt safe and wanted. Weird! right!?

My mind was too nervouse think about anything. Honestly all I could focus on was the good and not the bad. My shroom experience made me realize. I am not alone. I'm not a terrible man, I'm not hateful as much as I thought I was. And I'm only responding to what has been presented to me and this is not me. I'm actually a happy person. I'm beautiful or handsome if you want to add gender. I'm not a loser. I'm not alone. I have purpose and I have value. The people who walk with me in life are here because they choose to. Not because they have to. & to me that means the world. Because If you choose to do something. It says so much about the person you choose to do stuff for.

For years I have always been hard on myself. I let the experices I had define who I was. And not anymore! I'm strong enough to understand the difference between experiences and choices. All the things that I have been holding on to were and are experiences. Not my choice. Not me.

I'm not too sure if I would ever take shrooms again. I said out loud to myself several times, I don't like this feeling. I felt very whoosh and my motor functions were not the best. I felt like a methadone addict on 125th the way I was leaning in my house. The walls were trailing as I passed by them. I like it and did not like it at the same time. Ask me in a few months and I'll tell you how I feel. Knowing me, I'll probably say yes again. lol

Albeit this is me sharing my experience with you. Not! telling you to do it. I needed to know for myself what this was about and I was curious about it. Since, I've done a very small amount before this experience. I also called my Enchantress friend. So technically I was not a lone. even though She lives in the next state over!

I live art like this. So beautiful.

Future world traveler, currently beeing a professional sleeper. Robert Bashford

“Valor withers without adversity.”

— Seneca, On Providence

Are we MORE than we THINK?

So........ there’s this thing, right! Where we imagine how we are the main character of our show. The show is, obviously your name or something cooler!  And the platform of the show is the state in which you are living your life. And the internet would be your life subscription. So! in what state are you living your life? How is your show! Going to be?  

For me! If I were to think this way. Believing that I was a main character in a show. Titled “What life is left to live”  It would be a shit show with amazing ratings. My show would look a little bit like a life time movie. With a Droplets of harry potter and some cheesy gay plot that’s all wrapped up in how I use to be relevant. And how I’m clawing my way out of this programming. Programming that I have received to be more palatable for other people. The Hob goblins of this planet call (it sux) lol  

The way that I see myself,  is way more! More than, what I actually am in the real world. I think this is why Karen’s are going crazy. And are intentionally lacking the self restraint. Because the reality of what there “Poor little minds can conceive.” And what’s actually happening in the real world, is clashing horrifically. And Quite entertainingly as well. I mean! Man!!! When I need a good laugh or someone to judge. I happen to (you-tube Karen's gone crazy!!!) 

You see! I have a non conventional way of seeing the world. It’s called my p.e.r.s.p.e.c.t.i.v.e..... Although there are many who may feel I’m not supposed to have one. I can truly care less. So The show of mine would be called “What life is left to live” Or “I think I could!”  The platform of my show right now, would be “Dirty 30′s. A users manual.” Now that I think about it. That would be a great idea for a show. If you happen to take it. Link this and give me lots of credd. lol . 

Talking about credd, I know that I have a galactic amount of potential. Being a star kid and all. I also know that I can actually do anything that I put my mind to. So! Why don’t I do it? Because the plot of the show is. ”Being an adult sucks.”  And the main character slowly finds out what that means them. My character finds out there is actually no one that should be counted on. “Morbid, I know right!" Or that the one that should be counted on is ones self! All help is not good help. All free hands aren’t free. And the light that shines at the end of the tunnel actually burns just a little if your in it too long. So If we are more than we think we are. Then what are we thinking? What part of thought are we acting on. Or should I say Am I Acting On? I’m trucking on as much as I can. I’m tired of the red tape and the blurred lines and rhetoric that’s played with. But! life, shall  go on!

I whole heartedly believe in this.

Psychology Daily - Quotes