I Think It's Interesting That Edwin Attracts Lonely People.

i think it's interesting that edwin attracts lonely people.

-the cat king has seemingly never had a real substantial relationship. he lives his lives playing tricks and games, not actual connections

-monty literally only ever spoken to one (1) other person, and that's his fucked up mother familiar mommy situationship that he needs, like, so much therapy to unpack

-simon, maybe the only other gay kid in this boarding school, completely isolated from his peers by virtue of his identity and society and shame

-niko, who has been hiding in her room, avoiding other people for months out of grief and something larger (the inherent unavoidable devastation of growing up alone)

-and, of course, charles. charles, who died alone. charles, one of the only non white kids at that boarding school. charles, who's dad didn't love him and who's mom didn't say anything. charles, who flirts with every girl he meets. charles, who would follow him to the end of the earth but won't ever talk about his feelings because he's brills, mate, aces. charles, who spent his entire life alone and now won't spend a minute of his afterlife alone

i dunno. i think it's interesting. edwin, who we know is lonely, attracts other lonely people.

and, not to overstep my bounds as a silly little person on tumblr, but i think it's interesting that the show has attracted a lot of lonely people, too. and i think there's a lot of reasons for that. the target demographic is teenagers & young adults, a notoriously lonely group. the show features a lot of minority characters, which will attract minority audience members, and often people who are a part of a minority feel lonely and different from the people around them. the show is about friendship and found family, and i think that attracts a lot of lonely people. shit, i'm lonely, and i was drawn to this show. yes, for the incredible music and acting and cinematography, but also because the themes are so fundamentally resonant and raw.

and THAT is why dead boy detectives is an important show. because it is a show for the lonely and the grieving and the lost. AND it is a show for the hopeful and the learning and the coping. it is a show for people who have their shit together, and people with no shit together, and people who don't even know their shit is spilt all over the floor. this show MATTERS because it speaks to the fundamental devastation in human existence AND it finds the beauty to celebrate. it says, yes, loss is horrible and life altering, and you will be okay. yes this will be awful but you will carry on. and that is SO important. do you understand how important that is?? because everyone, everyone goes through loss and change and hardships. everyone. it is a show for lonely people! and we're all fucking lonely, aren't we? isn't part of the human condition just being lonely??

dead boy detectives is a show for people wronged by men. it is a show for people coated in grief. for people who are dealing with their sexuality late in life. for people with fucked up parental relationships. for people who date as a distraction. for people who are doing great and just like a silly little ghost show! for people not doing great but trying their best anyway. most of all, it is a show for lonely people.

just. FUCK! this show MATTERS! this show MEANS SOMETHING to SO many people!! including me!!! it matters to ME!!!! and i will continue yapping about it, even if it's just into the void!!!!!!!!!!!!

compilation of thoughts relating to trauma, dbda, & ghosts

ghosts can't grow up. by definition, ghosts are trapped at the ages they died at. that's how it works. so edwin is sixteen and charles is sixteen and technically they are fifty and a hundred but mostly they are sixteen.

trauma can often stunt someone at the age you are traumatized at. this can relate to a singular field (ie, have a traumatic romantic relationship, and thereby not maturing in romantic relations), or all around.

i saw in an interview with one of the show creators -i can't remember which interview- but that season two would be about growing up, and how that's ironic because they are ghosts.

god, there was this dbda fic i read once where edwin lost his memories of being dead and charles says something like "he hasn't been sixteen in all the time i've known him."

edwin is sixteen. he is a ghost and he is traumatized. and he is also not sixteen. he is also an adult and devastated and a child and mostly he is scared and traumatized.

in that big comic compilation thing that i don't own but have seen screenshots of, it says edwin's essence is that he wants to feel safe. edwin is sixteen and at a new boarding school and he needs to feel safe, and edwin is 123 and so deeply traumatized that he needs to feel safe. has edwin ever felt safe? has edwin ever felt like a child?

trauma can mature you and it can infantilize you. it can make you never feel safe, even when the danger is gone.

i've heard that saint hilarion's is a boarding school for military brats. which means edwin's dad is fighting in world war one. edwin would have been drafted if he hadn't died. they both might have died in the war. they could have died side by side or having not spoken for months. he does not have the safety of knowing his dad will survive the week.

something something being a ghost isn't an allegory for trauma but they do intersect. death and trauma and life and what could have beens and the nothingness that is between it all

i felt sick while making this

Friendly reminder to keep streaming Dead boy detectives ❤️‍🩹

Something about how loudly Edwin says Charles' name in this scene has been driving me insane and I think I've finally figured out why.

When Charles finds Edwin in hell, Edwin is rolled into a little ball of misery, covered in blood and quietly sobbing. It's probably a position he's developed over decades, making himself as small as possible, being as quiet as possible, trying to take up as little space as possible. He's almost pretending he doesn't exist in order to stretch out the moments before the spider finds him and the loop starts again.

And then Charles says his name and Edwin looks up and sees Charles, and it's like all of his defenses just vanish. He doesn't whisper Charles' name, he says it, loudly, as if he has completely forgotten where he is and that they need to be quiet. He gets up, unfurls his limbs, slowly standing up to his full height, taking up space again. Every instinct in his body should tell him to stay hidden and as invisible and silent as possible, but Charles has just smiled at him, and Edwin speaks again, asking "Is that you?" and letting out a shaky breath of relief.

He is completely vulnerable and exposed now, like Charles' arrival has made him completely forget that they are in hell and that he could be ripped apart by a spider doll demon at any moment. All the defences he has built up over literal decades just completely crumble as soon as he hears Charles' voice.

And then the spider comes and rips him away, and I don’t think it would have done (at least not yet), had Edwin not alerted it to his presence like that. I think that’s why this moment wouldn’t let go of me, because I always thought it shouldn’t be this easy for Edwin to abandon a survival tactic he has developed over decades of torture. But all it takes is Charles being there, and Edwin forgets everything else.

"we didn't matter."

they didn't matter. whatever they did, whatever they accomplished, no matter how good they were, no matter how much they hid themselves; they. didn't. matter.

charles was stuck in this place in time that was on constant egg shells, anything could set him off. his name, his being, his music, his voice. anything. didn't matter what he did. and then with his "friends". they were everywhere, they decided to kill him because he helped another pakistani boy, and he was half. but even then, he was half. it was a hate crime, it was useless, and nothing he did mattered.

edwin was hidden in a place, he hid with his own thoughts, but he never let them travel far. but it didn't matter. people still just looked at him, just one look and they judged him for his femininity. they looked at him with his books, and how he hid in a corner and they decided to drag him out, and they decided that he should be sacrificed because he didn't matter.

charles was too loud, and edwin was too quiet.

thank god they found each other.