I Told You I Can't Sleep. It Feels Like I'm Having A Perpetual Panic Attack That Won't Stop. I Can't

I told you I can't sleep. It feels like I'm having a perpetual panic attack that won't stop. I can't breathe, I can't think. Nothing wrong has happened, but my brain is trying to convince me I've broken everything.

I hurt.

Maybe the night will devour us whole. Chasing a hunger that will never be satiated.

Have you ever wanted something so much it hurts?

And I don't mean wanting something someone else wants, so the fear of disappointing them makes you crave it just so you don't let them down.

No I mean craving something you want .

Have you ever experienced that?

I have never till today. And I'm so scared I'll lose that, but even my fear of disappointing people with what I want isn't gonna stop me this time cause I've never wanted something like I want this. So I'll keep trying till I get it.

There's no other option.

I hoard my interests, I'm too afraid to tell others for fear of what they might say, in my mouth under my tongue. They are as heavy as stones. My jaw aches.

Will you whisper secrets at sunset with me?

I promise I'll only tell you the good ones, maybe then you won't leave