Have You Ever Wanted Something So Much It Hurts?

Have you ever wanted something so much it hurts?

And I don't mean wanting something someone else wants, so the fear of disappointing them makes you crave it just so you don't let them down.

No I mean craving something you want .

Have you ever experienced that?

I have never till today. And I'm so scared I'll lose that, but even my fear of disappointing people with what I want isn't gonna stop me this time cause I've never wanted something like I want this. So I'll keep trying till I get it.

There's no other option.

They say we're made of stardust of beauty and myth. I think I was made with the tears of the damned instead.

I hoard my interests, I'm too afraid to tell others for fear of what they might say, in my mouth under my tongue. They are as heavy as stones. My jaw aches.

I am a flower, learning how to bloom.

I had a dream about bread

I think I cried over it

Fuck, it was good bread

I told you I can't sleep. It feels like I'm having a perpetual panic attack that won't stop. I can't breathe, I can't think. Nothing wrong has happened, but my brain is trying to convince me I've broken everything.

I hurt.