Have You Ever Wanted Something So Much It Hurts?

Have you ever wanted something so much it hurts?

And I don't mean wanting something someone else wants, so the fear of disappointing them makes you crave it just so you don't let them down.

No I mean craving something you want .

Have you ever experienced that?

I have never till today. And I'm so scared I'll lose that, but even my fear of disappointing people with what I want isn't gonna stop me this time cause I've never wanted something like I want this. So I'll keep trying till I get it.

There's no other option.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought I wanna love you.

I wanna love you when you're in so much pain you don't know what to do with yourself. When you are in so much pain, I feel like I feel it too.

I wanna love you when you are happy. So happy it's like the sun has settled beneath your skin, and I have to squint so I can see you because you're too beautiful to look away from.

I wanna love you when you're angry and venting.

I wanna love you when you're calm and we are bored together. When life is outside, our window passes us by like spilled molasses. Sticky and syrupy sweet.

I just wanna love you.

I wanna love you in the morning when your face is puffy and your hair is a rats nest.

I wanna love you when we're grocery shopping and fighting over what brand of chips to buy.

I wanna love you even when loving you is hard, and it would be so much easier to not love you anymore.

I wanna love you even when our love fades.

I wanna love you even when I no longer love you.

I want our love to be a choice and an obsession.

I wanna love you with an intensity that scares me.

" I'll love you till the stars die", she says.

The stars are already dead.

I told you I can't sleep. It feels like I'm having a perpetual panic attack that won't stop. I can't breathe, I can't think. Nothing wrong has happened, but my brain is trying to convince me I've broken everything.

I hurt.

I had a dream about bread

I think I cried over it

Fuck, it was good bread

Do you ever look at someone and realize all the different ways you could fall in love with them?

But you know that you would never be the kind of love they deserve.