Squeaky-Doo Top Left Is Polydactyl (extra Toes And Claws), Nibbler Bottom Left , Copper Bottom Right.

Squeaky-Doo top left is polydactyl (extra toes and claws), Nibbler bottom left 🐈‍⬛, Copper bottom right.

Serve & Protect

Summary: You moved to the small quiet town of Hawkins after transferring from the NYPD and reunite with your old partner, Jim Hopper. However, Hawkins isn't as quiet as it seems, and your past follows you there.

Pairing: Jim Hopper x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Major Trigger Warning- SA. This chapter is very heavy, but nothing is described in a lot of detail. Also hints towards past SA. If any of this triggers you please don't read this chapter. Look after yourself first.

Previous Chapter

Chapter 10- Ambush

"Pizza is here!" You shouted, walking through the front door of the cabin.

Those three words were like a trigger because a second later, El's bedroom door opened, and the two young girls rushed out before you could even put the boxes on the table.

"It smells amazing!" Max exclaimed, helping you open the boxes while El grabbed four dinner plates from the cupboard.

"Thank you, Y/N." El said, already stacking slices of each different pizzas onto her plate.

You forced a smile watching her and Max load their plates while you unrolled the garlic bread hating how much your hands were shaking at the simple task.

Your heart was still hammering against your ribcage after seeing Hank at your front door.

He was at your house. He was waiting for you to come home. He was there. It was him.

All this time, there was a small part of you that had thought that this whole thing was just in your head, and you were jumping to conclusions. But it was real, and he had followed you to Hawkins.

"Are you okay?" El's gentle voice suddenly asked.

You blinked at her words too caught up in your own head to properly hear her just as she carefully took the garlic bread from your trembling hands and handed it to Max to give you her full attention.

"Did something happen?" El asked, holding your now empty but still trembling hands.

Max hovered close behind, her blue eyes looking you up and down for any injuries like claw marks from Demo-dogs like the last time she had seen you. If only it had been a Demo-dog at your house. You would rather deal with one of those monsters than this human monster.

You opened your mouth to dismiss the girls worries even though El could probably feel your emotions anyway or something. You weren't entirely sure of the extent of her powers, was that something she could do?

"What's going on?" Hopper's voice suddenly called out from across the room.

He stepped out of his bedroom with his hair dripping wet from the shower. He was no longer in his uniform instead wearing a pair of sweatpants and a flannel shirt that had no right being so attractive.

"I am unsure." El answered honestly, her brows furrowed as she stared up at you. "Something happened."

That seemed to catch Hopper's attention because he was by your side within a blink of an eye.

"Y/N?"

You met his gaze with an uneasy expression not exactly trusting your voice at the moment to speak.

Jesus Christ, you thought you had gotten better since moving here. You thought you had moved on from Hank and all the shit he had put you through but one look at him from a distance through your car windshield and you were right back to square one.

Realisation slowly washed over Hopper, "you saw him, didn't you?"

It wasn't a question. He already knew the answer, but you nodded anyway, and his jaw clenched shut in sudden fury.

"Saw who?" El asked in confusion.

"Girls eat the pizza in your room. I need to talk to Y/N privately." Hopper instructed his voice coming out calm, but you could tell he was anything but calm on the inside.

El hesitated in front of you for a moment not wanting to leave when she could tell you were in distress, but reluctantly nodded before collecting her plate of pizza and following Max back into the bedroom.

The second her bedroom door clicked shut, Hopper grabbed your hand and led you over to the couch without a word. You allowed yourself to be pulled not arguing as he gently eased you down to the couch which was probably a good idea because your legs were shaking too. In fact, your entire body was shaking, and you couldn't stop it.

Nothing even happened. Why was your body reacting this way?

"Did he hurt you?" Hopper asked, kneeling on the floor in front of you.

You shook your head and Hoppers body seemed to relax a little with that information and he gently placed his hand on top of your bouncing knee causing you to flinch at the unexpected touch.

He quickly removed his hand and looked up at you with an unreadable expression. His brows furrowed a little at your reaction to his touch, but he didn't comment on it.

"Sorry." You apologised, although you weren't entirely sure what you were apologising for. For flinching at his touch? For being so worked up? For being a burden? For making him concentrate on you instead of eating pizza? For all of it? None of it? You had no idea.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Hopper asked after a few moments of silence.

"I was- I was going to go home and get some clean clothes but... he was there. He was at my house."

"What?" Hopper questioned his eyes widening.

"He was at my front door. He was just standing there like he was waiting for me to come home or something." You elaborated glancing over at Hopper who looked ready to drive out there and kill Hank. "He took off as soon as he saw your work car. Guess he thought I was you when I pulled up."

"Did he have a car?" Hopper asked slipping straight into detective mode, but you shook your head. "What was he wearing? Any distinctive pieces of clothing? Footwear?"

"It was too dark to see. I saw a glimpse of his face in my headlights before he ran off. That's it."

Tears started to burn in the back of your eyes as you thought back to that moment only 10 minutes ago. Hank was in Hawkins. He was really here, and he was waiting for you to come home in the dark.

Fuck.

What if he had been hiding and you didn't notice him until you got out the car? What would he have done?

Nope. Don't start thinking about that. No.

"Shit." You hissed softly under your breath while hastily wiping at the tears had escaped down your cheeks without permission.

Seriously why were you reacting like this? It wasn't like anything happened. He had run away. He was gone for now. You were safe and with Hopper. Why were you reacting like this?

"Y/N." Hopper said gently, bringing you out of your thoughts as you looked over at him.

He was still kneeling in front of you watching your every move and reaction carefully. He must have come to some kind of conclusion that he didn't like, and you had a sinking feeling that you knew what he was about to ask.

"You told me that you got a restraining order against him. You said that he was harassing you at work and stalking you off duty, yeah?" He asked and you sniffed with a small nod. "Okay. Can you tell me what else he did?"

His voice was so gentle, so soft. He was... holy shit, he was using his victim's voice. You had been with him during enough interviews and statements to recognise that gentle sympathetic voice he would use on alleged victims... you just never thought he would ever have to use the voice on you.

"I already told you everything." You answered, averting your gaze because even you couldn't believe your own words.

Hopper didn't need to know every single detail. He was your boss and your best friend, but he didn't need to know... you didn't want him to know.

"Y/N..." Hopper trailed off unsure how to finish that sentence.

"It's your day off tomorrow, right?" You asked, abruptly changing the topic.

"Uh, yeah, but wait-"

"Can you swing by the station during my lunch break and come to my house with me? I need to get some new clothes but don't want to go there alone." You admitted, lifting your head to meet Hoppers worried blue eyes.

"Of course. I'll pick you up at 12. But, Y/N, about Hank... you haven't told me everything, have you?" He asked, switching the topic back on track with ease.

Damn Hopper and his stupid police interview tactics.

"I'm actually getting tired. I think I might head to bed." You suddenly said, ignoring his question completely because although Hopper was good at his job, you were too and as such knew that you didn't have to answer any questions. "Goodnight, Hopper."

You got up from the couch and Hopper stood up from where he had been kneeling. You half expected him to grab your arm to stop you from walking away or to try and push the topic further, but to your own shock, he didn't.

"Goodnight, Y/N."

You laid awake in bed for the next few hours unable to sleep. The television was playing softly in the background from the main room as you laid there staring up at the ceiling.

Memories of that night at New York in the police stations shower block played on repeat through your mind. You could almost feel Hanks hands on your body. His fingers digging into your hair in effort to stop you from resisting. The distinct scent of his potent cologne. The way the bathroom mirror shattered against your forehead. The taste of your own blood on your tongue. The sound of your horse voice screaming at him to stop... his sickening grin when he realised you couldn't escape... it all came flooding back.

Every single memory was running on loop in your brain, and you couldn't shut it off. You couldn't sleep.

Hopper came to bed around midnight. You had your eyes closed and pretended to be asleep while he moved quietly around the bedroom and carefully slipped into bed beside you not wanting to wake you. His bare shoulder brushed against yours as he laid on his back, but he didn't move away, and that unintentional physical touch was a small comfort reminding you that you were safe with Hopper.

Hopper was safe.

You were safe here.

Eventually you must have fallen asleep because the next thing you knew, you were blinking your eyes open to find daylight streaming in through the curtains.

Shit.

What was the time?

A quick look at your alarm clock had you sighing in relief because you weren't late for work. You leant over and switched your alarm off that was set to buzz in eight minutes.

Hopper was passed out beside you totally dead to the world as you silently got out of bed and glanced over at his sleeping form. The blanket over his body had pulled down during the night exposing his bare upper half dad bod.

You stood there for a few too many seconds to be considered normal while admiring his body before forcing yourself to turn away and get ready for work.

Hopper was not interested in you like that. He was your best friend. You needed to get over this stupid crush on him. Although, that crush had been there since the first day you met him in New York, so the chances of getting over it was probably non-existent. Great.

The girls were still asleep when you grabbed a piece of cold pizza from the fridge for breakfast. Well, you assumed they were asleep. The bedroom door was closed and there was no music, so you wandered around the kitchen quietly not wanting to wake them.

After eating the pizza, you grabbed your car keys and walked out the front door and went to work.

It was a normal day. The shift going by fairly quickly after a few traffic stops with Powell and a DUI with Callahan. Whilst on patrol with the guys, you kept an eye out for Hank but there was no sign of him around town.

12 o'clock came and went without any sign of Hopper. He had said he would come to take you to your house, but by 2pm there was still no sign of him. You called the house phone at the cabin but didn't get any answer and by the end of your shift he still hadn't shown up.

Figuring he must have been busy with El or something, you decided to drive out to the cabin to see if he was free to come to your house for 20 minutes. However, when you got to the cabin neither him nor El were home.

You waited an hour, but the sun was starting to set in the sky and if Hopper wasn't going to show up to help, you did not want to be alone at your house in the dark.

Screw it.

After eating another slice of pizza from the fridge you got back in the car and drove to your house to collect clean clothes.

There were no vehicles parked in front of your house. There were no people in your front yard and from what you could tell, the front door was shut and secure. There was no sign of Hank anywhere.

Taking a deep breath, you pulled the keys out the ignition and climbed out the car before making your way towards your house. It was strange feeling so scared and on edge in your own home, but you reluctantly went inside anyway despite every bone in your body telling you to just go back to the cabin.

It would only take a few minutes to get some clothes.

You would be fine…

-

… you were in fact not fine.

-

"Deputy? Hey, hey, Deputy can you hear me?" An unfamiliar voice called out.

"Her name is Y/N."

That voice you knew.

Callahan.

Wait, what was he doing here? More importantly, where even were you?

"Y/N, I need you to wake up. Y/N?" The other voice continued to say as you forced your eyes open to find a blurry paramedic hovering above you. "That's it. Can you hear me?"

"W-what happened?" You asked, your voice coming out rougher than you expected.

The paramedic frowned, "you don't remember?"

You stared at him for a moment before you tilted your head to the side and began to take in your surroundings. This was your house. You were lying on the floor of your living room.

Why the fuck were you lying on the floor?

"What..." You began to say as you tried to sit yourself up but cut yourself off with a pained hiss.

"Easy. Easy. Just take it easy." The paramedic hurriedly insisted, gently easing you back down.

Your entire body ached in pain. It was impossible pinpoint exactly where the pain was coming from. Your whole body felt like it was on fire but numb at the same time.

"Is she going to be okay?" Callahan asked.

The absolute devastation in his voice had you glancing in his direction to find your fellow Deputy hovering behind the paramedic. You had never heard him sound so utterly helpless before while he stared down at you biting his thumb nail anxiously.

You opened your mouth to ask what happened again but then it all came flooding back.

Hank.

He was already inside your house when you entered. You hadn't even noticed at first, he remained hidden behind the couch and when you turned your back...

It all happened so fast.

One minute you were picking up a jacket off the back of a chair and the next thing you knew you were being slammed into the wall. Your forehead cracked on impact putting a hole through the dry wall. Blood instantly began falling down the side of your face matting in your hair and staining the collar of your work shirt.

Hanks sickening laughter erupted from behind you and your stomach dropped at the realisation of what was going to happen.

You had tried to fight. You had tried to get away, but you couldn't.

Hank was quick to unclip your duty belt from around your waist before you could grab your gun or baton. He tossed your belt across the room but not before you got a few good punches in.

"You've gotten stronger since we last did this." Hank observed, spitting out a mouthful of blood before he slammed his fist into the side of your ribcage, knocking the wind out of you.

You doubled over, grabbing your stomach as you struggled to get air back into your lungs. Hank used your distraction to his advantage and shoved you to the ground.

"You thought you could hide in bumfuck Indianna, and I wouldn't find you? I never lost you to begin with." Hank began to say, pinning you on your back against the rough carpet with your hands held above your head in a death grip. "I've been waiting for the right moment to see you again. To do this... again. To ruin you like you ruined my career."

"Get the fuck off!" You screamed, thrashing under his grip but he shifted himself on top of you. His knees either side of your waist while he kept your wrists pinned above your head with one hand.

"C'mon, I thought you learnt from last time." He chuckled, leaning down closer until his mouth was beside your ear and whispered, "I like it better when you fight."

Hank reached for his belt with his free hand, and your fight or flight instincts went out the fucking window and you froze instead. You couldn't move. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't do anything. Your body was paralysed to the floor and there was nothing you could do when he began to reach for your pant zipper.

It all happened so fast.

It happened so fast yet so slow at the time.

You weren't sure how long it had been before there was a knock on your front door.

It was Callahan. He had seen your car parked out the front and came to see if you were okay knowing you had been living with Hopper since the soap incident.

You were fairly out of it by the time he realised something was wrong and broke through the front door. Hank was off your body and out the backdoor within a heartbeat and Callahan had... he had found you on the living room.

"Shit." You hissed softly, hot tears rising in your eyes as you remembered everything that had happened.

"She's going to be fine. But she needs to come back to the hospital. Her forehead needs stitches and... other injuries need looking at." The paramedic explained, glancing over his shoulder at Callahan who looked pale and terrified. "You can ride in the back of the ambulance if you want. Your partner took your work car, didn't he?”

"Uh, yeah, yeah Powell took off with the Cruiser. I can... ah, shit. I-I can't leave here, it's a crime scene now. I need to wait for the other officers to come in from recall to take over the scene. I... I will- I will come to the hospital after." Callahan hurriedly explained without taking a breath.

"He... he ran out the back door. He-" You mumbled but Callahan cut you off.

"I know. I know. It's okay. Powell is searching for him now as we speak, don't worry about any of that. I've tried to call the Chief, but I can't get a hold of him. I'll keep trying though." He reassured. "Everything is going to be fine, Y/N. I promise."

It was strange hearing those reassuring words from Callahan. He was always cracking jokes and teasing you at work. He was never serious or worried like this. Not with you. The two of you have had an almost brother-sister type relationship since you started at the Hawkins Police Department. He was a good friend, and you were relieved that he had shown up when he did, but at the same you kinda wished he hadn't because you never wanted him or anyone to see you like that. Ever.

The paramedics took you to Hawkins Hospital. Callahan remained at your house to guard the crime scene and you zoned out while the nurses and doctors ran their tests and scans.

Time blurred together on that hospital bed. Seconds ticking over into minutes. Minutes drifting into hours as you stared up at the classic cream paint on the ceiling above you.

Stitches were now covering the gash on the left side of your forehead. You hadn't seen yourself in a mirror yet but could feel the sting of a split lip and the tenderness around your left eye was telling you that it was going to bruise.

It could have been worse.

That was what the nurse kept telling you. It could have been worse. It could have ended worse. He could have hurt you worse.

That was all they were telling you and you hated it.

Yes, it could have been worse. But it was fucking worse enough as it was.

"We will have to monitor you tonight. Make sure there are no lingering effects from your head wound. But in the morning if everything is alright, you will be discharged." The nurse explained, looking up from the clipboard in her hand to meet your eyes.

You simply nodded at her words not having the energy to verbally respond and she must have noticed that too because she smiled sadly at you before leaving you to rest.

It wasn't long after that there was a gentle knock on your door and a moment later, Callahan stepped inside hesitantly. He looked exhausted. It was probably past midnight by now and he definitely should be at home in bed with his wife and not checking up on you, but here he was.

Neither of you said anything for a moment as Callahan walked further into the room. His worried eyes flashing over the injuries on your face.

"Did Powell find him?" You asked, breaking the silence.

He shook his head, "not yet. We got patrols searching the area though. We'll find him."

"Thank you for, uh, for..." You trailed off unable to finish that sentence, but Callahan caught on with what you wanted to say, and he instantly nodded.

"Of course. Is there anyone I can call for you?"

"Any luck with the Chief?"

He shook his head, "straight to voicemail. Sorry."

"Thanks for trying. I'll get discharged in the morning. I can contact him then, I'm fine." You dismissed, although those last two words were far from true, but Callahan didn't point that out.

"I'll swing by in the morning to pick you up, if you want?"

You were about to decline the offer out of impulse but then thought better of it. Your car was still at your house, and you had no way of getting there.

"That would be great. Thanks, Cal. Now go home." You said, nodding towards the door. "I'm fine here. Get some sleep, it looks like you need it."

"You saying I look like crap?" He asked raising his eyebrow.

You smirked ever so slightly, "obviously."

Callahan snorted softly, "thanks. You sure you'll be okay by yourself?" He asked seriously.

"I'm fine."

He gave you a levelled look that meant you were full of shit, but he didn't call you out on it. Instead, he reluctantly nodded and walked back to the door.

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah?" You looked over at him from where he had paused in the doorway.

"I'm always here for you, don't ever forget that."

You smiled softly at his words and nodded before watching him walk out the room closing the door behind himself.

-

Next Chapter

MASTERLIST pinned to profile

If anyone wants to be tagged just let me know

Love Will Take You There

Masterlist

Prologue: You grew up with a gift that anyone would envy: time travel. Some people would travel to the future to fix their mistakes, others would travel to the past to hold on to it, but that wasn't you. You loved reading biographies about tragedies in a family or situation to change their destinies, so when you read the story of the Shelby family one day you felt compassion for those people and decided to travel back in time to help them so that their story wouldn't end so horribly. What was a simple plan becomes complicated when you begin to fall in love with Thomas Shelby, changing the course of your decisions.

Warnings/Info: Mention of weapons, it's adapted to the series but I changed several things, Peaky Blinders: Season One and Two, SMUT | 18+ ONLY (MINORS DNI).

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Last Chapter

Home Again.

Based on a request by vikingsxf 

‘‘When the youngest Shelby sister goes missing as a child, the family are distraught. Twenty years later a young woman shows up at the police station claiming to be her’‘

This is the longest one shot ever (4000 words) but I couldn’t stop once I started writing! It was really fun to write for the Shelby’s mother (How I imagine her anyways) 

Elsie Shelby (I always imagine Carla Gugino as their mother)

Amelia Shelby

14th November 1923

The family had not spoken a word of her in twenty years. Not that they did not want too of course, but the memories were so painful that even her name could not be muttered without everyone exploding into tears and distress.

‘’What do you mean, they’ve found her, talk to me Thomas’’ Polly had demanded, snatching the whiskey out of her nephews’ hand.  ‘’She’s alive, Pol, at least that’s what Moss thinks’’ Tommy replied, sulking into the back of his chair, the news stirring up emotions he had not felt since before the war. ‘’Well, why aren’t we down there then, bringing her home, this is ridiculous Tommy’’ Polly rambled on, losing her train of thought.

‘’There are procedures Pol, I’ll be allowed to see her this afternoon, we don’t even know if its her, it could be anyone wanting to come into the family now we’ve got money on our side’’ Tommy sighed. He wanted to believe it, Tommy wanted to believe more than anybody that the girl sitting in Birmingham Central Police Station was his sister, but what if she wasn’t? Could he handle the screaming tears from Ada again, the silent pain from John who never said a word, the fits of anger from Arthur, and Finn, who was not even born when she disappeared, who wouldn’t begin to understand.

‘’She had a birthmark, on her left ankle, it was an almost butterfly shape, I told her it was a gift given to all Romani princesses’’ Polly’s eyes began to well up as she began to remember her baby niece. ‘’That’s how you’ll know its her, I’ll tell the others, but not until you give me the call you’re bringing her home’’ Polly nodded, reassuring herself.

Twenty years earlier, 11th December, 1903.

‘’Daddy, please can I go with you?’’ Three-year-old Amelia pleaded, tugging onto her father’s shirt. It was always hard to say no to Amelia, her raven haired curls, and her bright blue eyes made her look like a real life cherub, and even Arthur Snr, to who fatherhood did not come naturally, found it hard to resist the charms of his little girl.

‘’Why’d you wanna go to the Pub with Dad, aye, when you can stay home and play Whist with us’’ 14-year-old Arthur smirked, ruffling his baby sister’s hair. ‘’Tommy doesn’t let me win’’ Amelia sighed, pulling the meanest face she had at her brother opposite. ‘’If I always let her win, she’ll never learn to play properly’’ 12-year-old Tommy shrugged, returning to the game.

‘’I could do your hair, Mila’’ 9-year-old Ada suggested, removing the ribbon out of hers and placing it on the table. ‘’No, way, I looked bad last time’’ Amelia groaned, receiving a stifled laugh from 10-year-old John and an embarrassed look from Ada. ‘’Look, I’ll take her with me, you lot get cleaned and washed up by the time your mothers’ home from work, Arthur, you’re in charge’’ Arthur Snr patted his eldest on the head, before pulling his youngest onto his hip and heading out the door.

Amelia was beloved in the Garrison. When everyone found out that Arthur and Elsie were expecting their fifth child, everyone had put bets on a boy. The Shelby family was ruled by boys and even Polly was sure that Ada was destined to be the only girl, and in a sad way, Polly as always, had been right. He was to be Paul Shelby, or Harry Shelby, Elsie had not decided yet, and she was constantly worried about how she would manage to keep her four wild boys in check.

But to her surprise, on that brisk morning on February 14th, a little baby girl arrived, a sister for Ada. With no name to match her beautiful features, it had been Ada that had the final decision. ‘’Call her Amelia, like the princess in my book, Amelia Rosanna Shelby’’ Ada had smiled proud, placing a kiss on the top of her sisters’ head.

‘’I’m going to take a piss, you stay here on this stool and don’t move, you hear me’’ Arthur Snr sighed, staggering away from his small daughter who was perched on the bar stool with her doll.

‘’Where the fuck has Mila gone?’’ Arthur Snr sighed, as he made his way back to the bar, Amelia was no longer on the stool. ‘’I’ve not seen her, Art’’ Graham, the bartender questioned, cleaning up the glasses. ‘’I bet you she’s gotten bored and run back home, these fucking kids Graham, they rule the fucking roost, the lot of them’’ Arthur Snr groaned, slamming his penny on the bar for another pint.

It was only 6 hours later, when Arthur Snr staggered home that the family realised the severity of the situation. ‘’Where’s Mila?’’ Elsie asked, tidying up a basket of toys from the days activities ‘’Its past her bedtime you know’’ she smiled, leaning back up to meet her husbands confused face.

‘’She came home, she ran back home, she was bored’’ Arthur Snr asked, his head pounding from the drink. ‘’No, she didn’t, she didn’t come back home’’ Elsie began to panic, her hands slowly starting to shake. ‘’She didn’t come home Arthur, she’s not here, when did you last see her?’’

Elsie cried, in a full-on panic attack. ‘’Six hours, I saw her six hours ago’’ Arthur too began to panic, receiving punches to the chest from his wife. ‘’You fucking bastard, if anything has happened to her, I’ll fucking kill you’’ Elsie screamed, wailing and waking up every neighbour on the street.

’Mum’’ Tommy cried, as the siblings gathered on the stairs.  ‘’Ada, John, back to bed. Tommy, Arthur, I need you to go round all the neighbours, knock on every door, Amelia is missing’’ Elsie cried, grabbing the phone and calling the police.

There was not any news. There were no tips or information from the police, neighbours claimed to know nothing and soon carried on with business as usual. The missing posters that had been stuck with love on the posts around Small Heath were starting to fade out and the impact on the family had been detrimental.

Arthur Snr was hardly ever home, and if he was, he was either drunk or high. He could not stand the angry and heartbroken looks from his family still after all this time, and he hated himself a lot more than they could ever hate him. Elsie had tried to carry on as best she could, with help from Polly, but with each day, month and year that went by was a bitter reminder that her little girl would never come home.

Arthur was angry all the time, punching the walls of his bedroom, the bathroom door, anything that would fall with the weight under him. Tommy threw himself into the business, essentially replacing his father so they could at least keep the roof above their head. John never spoke anymore unless spoken too, and his laughter no longer filled the back room of the house.

And Ada, the one with so much belief and faith. She told everyone about her sister, anyone that would listen. One day her sister would come home again, and all she had to do was wait, keep their room tidy, say her prayers and God would return her baby sister, she was sure of it.

‘’I can’t have this baby, Polly, I just can’t’’ Elsie sighed, her head in her hands. It felt like betrayal. Mila would be 11 by now, and in the 8 years that had passed since she had gone, Elsie had not once considered another baby. ‘’Trust me, babies bring joy, they can repair families, spread love’’ Polly had reassured Elsie, rubbing a hand on her back.

Finn had brought so much joy. The perfect baby boy was so sweet and gentle, with the trademark Shelby frosty blue eyes and dark hair but his parents were lost. Elsie was struggling to feed him most days and would hand him over to Polly, her depression seeping through her like a wave of knives, piercing at her very being. As much as Elsie adored Finn, she was so scared of someone taking him from her that she felt she would never be able to love him properly. Arthur Snr had only ever held him once in the six months he had been alive, not trusting himself with the youngest again.

It had been a cold winters night when Elsie was dragged from the canal. Her body soaked, her white dress clinging to her body and her dark black hair falling to her waist. Charlie had desperately tried to resuscitate her but it had been too late. Suicide was not painless, and Polly had known then that she had to step up and take care of the children in Elsie’s place, that’s what Elsie would have wanted.

14th November 1923

‘’She’s in the back room Mr Shelby, but before you go in there, you need to know, she hardly speaks’’ Moss informed, Tommy following him down a long hallway that seemed to go on forever. As Tommy stopped at the final door, he noticed a slight murmur in his hand.

There she was. The dark-haired young woman was sat with her face turned away from him, her figure long and slender. As she turned to look at the opening door, Tommy was taken aback as her frosty blue eyes met his. He would check her ankle of course he would, for Polly’s piece of mind more than anyone’s, but he would recognise her eyes anywhere; they were his mothers.

‘’Lucy, someone is here to see you’’ Moss asked gently, not wanting to disturb the young woman who had just slept for the first time in the three days since she’d been at the station. She looked up at Tommy with a confusing look on her face which caused Tommy to feel a slight pain in his chest. He was her brother, he was her kin, but right now he had to remember that they were strangers meeting for the first time. ‘’This is Tommy Shelby, if your letter is correct, he’s your brother’’ Moss answered before she had even asked, noting the look on her face.

‘’Lucy, I know you’re scared, and confused, and so am I, I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to talk to you, okay?’’ Tommy smiled, leaning down to her level and reaching his hand out to her which she refused to take. ‘’I haven’t read the letter yet, I don’t know what it says but, I’m your brother, we are family, and we stick together. I’d like you to come and stay with us, if you want too, so we can help you get better’’ Tommy sighed, feeling overwhelmed.

The young girl just nodded with a slight smile at him. As Moss prepared to take Tommy to his office, Tommy got a glimpse of the girl’s ankle as she hopped off the bed to get changed: the butterfly, the Romani princess, his baby sister.

‘’We were called to a domestic incident at 4am, three days ago. It was a house outside Birmingham, more Coventry side. By the time we reached the home, the woman was there on her own. She refused to say what had happened but we brought her in anyways, as she was covered in cuts and bruises, and had blood on her. She had a bag of belongings on her, and in there was a letter, addressed to ‘Elsie and Arthur Shelby’. It hadn’t been opened, but we decided it was in her best welfare to open it. She said her name was Lucy, aged 23 and her birthday is February 14th’’ Moss informed, Tommy not taking his eyes off the letter in Moss’s hands.

‘’What does the letter say, Moss?’’ Tommy asked, attempting to remain calm and not get angry. ‘’It’s a letter of regret, your sister was taken on that day in 1903 by a married couple, Jean and Graham Barton. They were childless, and had recently lost a stillborn son. Graham was a bartender at the Garrison at the time. He knew your father had trouble with alcohol, and he was convinced that they could give Lucy….Amelia, a better life. They moved to Coventry afterwards which is where she grew up, according to the letter she had a good life, Tom. Jean and Graham died in a car accident when she was 15, and after that she was sent to live with an uncle, Peter’’ Moss finished, being startled by Tommy smashing his fist down onto the table.

‘’She’s coming home, Pol, we’ll be home in half an hour. I’m just waiting for her to get her things. She was ten fucking miles away the whole time Pol, ten fucking miles and we never knew, that fucking bartender, the one from the Garrison, the one that helped us search fields and empty fucking barns, he had her the whole fucking time’’ Tommy shouted into the phone trying to remain calm for his sister but wanting to murder anyone that came into his path.

The young woman had been quiet the whole journey home, looking out the window but at the same time trying to pay attention to the information Tommy was giving her. Lucy tried to feel comfortable with Tom, but as much as she tried to squeeze her mind back to being younger, she couldn’t remember him completely. She couldn’t remember any of them, and the bruises on her head weren’t helping the situation either.

‘’Right, your sister is going to feel overwhelmed, she just found out about all of us, so try not to bombard her’’ Polly asked, as the siblings gathered excitedly round the table. ‘’What’s her name again?’’ Finn questioned, stealing a biscuit off the table. ‘’Mum called her Amelia, but her name’s Lucy, so for now we have to call her that, okay’’ Ada smiled, ruffling her brothers hair.

As the front door shut, the siblings sat up at the dining table as straight as ever. As Tommy entered the room first, everyone peeked round him to see the slender brunette behind. Tommy had been right all along, with her long black hair and beautiful eyes, she looked just like Elsie.

‘’Lucy, I’m your Aunt Polly, I help with the business here’’ Polly smiled, reaching out and hugging the young woman who froze in her grasp. ‘’I’m Ada, your sister, big sister’’ Ada joined the hug. Arthur and John just sat there in disbelief. Arthur’s eyes had begun to well up, as John shared a smile with Tommy that said it wouldn’t be easy but thank god she’s home.

‘’I’m Arthur, I’m the eldest, your eldest brother’’ Arthur asked to hug her and she half smiled, letting him close. Planting a kiss on the top of her head, Lucy looked towards the table at the other two. ‘’John, I’m another one of your brothers, John’’ John smiled, ruffling her hair receiving a stern look from Tommy. ‘’Sorry, you used to like that when, when you, I mean when we were little’’.

‘’and this, this is the baby of the family, this is Finn, he’s 11, 12 on Sunday’’ Ada smiled, as Finn got up and shook the young woman’s hand. ‘’Lucy, you’re probably tired, let me show you to your room’’ Tommy smiled, nodding to the rest of the family as she followed him up the stairs.

‘’Ada likes to think of herself a fashion designer these days, so she’s filled the wardrobe of clothes you might like’’ Tommy smiled, looking around the room he hadn’t let himself stand in for nearly fifteen years. Although now modernised, the room had always belonged to Amelia. ‘’If there’s something in there for you to wear, Ada said she’d take you down to Browns on the high street and find you some shoes to match later’’ Tommy asked, not knowing really too much about women’s business. ‘’I’d like that’’ the young woman smiled at Tommy as he left the room, the first time he heard her speak.

‘’When do you think they’ll be back’’ Polly had paced, walking up and down the betting shop. ‘’Pol, I know its easy to think of Amelia…Lucy as collateral, but she’s a grown woman and we don’t want to scare her away her first day’’ Tommy sighed, reaching a cigarette out his pocket.

‘’Where do you think them bruises came from Tom, what the fuck did they do to her, the girl doesn’t speak?’’ Polly sighed, sipping down her whiskey as quick as she could to contain her nerves. ‘’I don’t know, but I’m sure, she’ll tell us in time’’ Tommy tried to remain calm, the last thing he wanted to do would be to lose his rag and his sister again forever.

‘’She’s beautiful Tom, that’s why I’m not telling anyone else at the shop about her, they’ll be like fucking piranhas’’ Arthur sighed, dragging his cigar out his mouth. ‘’Yeah, well, if anyone touches my sister, I’ll fucking cut em’’ John smirked, receiving a look from Arthur in agreement.

The hammering at the door was like no other, it was so loud that it even made Tommy reach for his gun. ‘’I’ll go’’ Tommy whispered, going to the door and opening it quickly gun in hand. Expecting to see an enemy, a drunken better or someone up for a fight, Tommy was surprised to see a young woman standing there. ‘’Sorry, I’m here to see Lucy, is she here?’’ The young woman asked, a panicked look on her face.

‘’and what’s it to you?’’ Polly entered the room, her motherly instinct wanting to battle anyone that came near her niece. ‘’I’m her best friend, Kate, she left a message at my house, but I was out of town, I asked around and was told she was here’’ Kate pleaded, looking behind Tommy to see if she could spot her friend. ‘’You’re her family, her biological one, right?’’ Kate asked, a half smile appearing on her face. ‘’You better come in’’ Polly sighed, hushing the woman in and slamming the door behind her.

‘’Lucy doesn’t speak, she has only spoken one word since she arrived, you are going to tell us what happened to her, we’re her family, we need to know’’ Polly demanded, giving the young woman a look of warning. ‘’I don’t know if I should say…’’ Kate replied, looking at Tommy for reassurance. ‘’Kate, that girl is our sister, we love her, we’ve only just got her back, so whatever you know, please just fucking tell us’’ Tommy pleaded, rolling a cigarette between his lips.

‘’We grew up together, our houses were next door. We’d play out all the time out by the horses and the stream. Lucy was always a handful though, getting herself into trouble, fighting and staying out all hours, she used to drive Jean and Graham mad’’ Kate laughed, receiving a smile from the boys and Polly, even away from home, Amelia had been a true Romani princess, a Shelby. ‘’It was about a month before they died, Lucy had come home late and her and Graham were arguing, that’s when he said she was poisoned with gypsy blood, she didn’t know what he meant at the time, but it stuck with her, you know, days before their death he told her, he told her who she was’’ Kate took a sip of the tea Polly gave her ‘’then she went to live with Peter, her uncle, and I barely saw her for a few years, he was abusive, would lock her in his room, starve her, beat her, but she would always fight back, no matter what he did, she’d give as good as she got. Quite a few times, she’d tried to run away, to find her real family, but he’d stop her, change his ways, tell her he loved her, he was sick in the head, twisted, but she had nobody else in the world, I’d tried to call the police, but Lucy wouldn’t admit to any of it’’ Kate began to well-up, her hand squeezed by Polly for reassurance.

Tommy felt physically sick. His hands shaking at the thought of his baby sister, living that life with that monster, so close to his doorstep. ‘’Where the fuck is he now, what did Moss say Tom, I’ll fucking drown him in the cut without his eyes’’ Arthur screeched punching the wall.

They were interrupted by Ada and Amelia returning from their shopping. As the girls entered the doorway, it was a relief to see her smile as she entered with her new clothes. Tommy would ensure that she had everything she ever wanted because that’s what big brothers do. ‘’Lucy, oh thank god’’ Kate jumped up strangling her friend in a tight hug. Shell shocked, Amelia stood not moving at all.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ Amelia finally spoke, looking around at her family and then her friend. ‘’I told them, I’m sorry, I’ve told them what happened, I was worried about you’’ Kate pleaded, her friend pushing her away. ‘’You’ve told them everything?’’ Amelia asked, falling into a flood of tears that could’ve drowned the whole house.

‘’Mila, Mila’’ Tommy pulled her into his arms instinctively, forgetting completely about her new name. ‘’We’re your family, we love you, and nobody in this world is ever going to fucking hurt you again, do you understand that?’’ Tommy sighed, lifting her head to look at him. ‘’Under my protection, no fucker will ever hurt you again, that man that hurt you, we’re going to kill him, he will die for what he’s done, I promise’’ Tommy kissed the top of her head, his hands still shaking with anger.

‘’You can’t kill him, I already did’’ Amelia sighed, falling into her chair. ‘’I didn’t want you to think I was a monster, an evil person for killing him’’ she asked, looking up at her family. Polly laughed, almost causing everyone to turn in shock. ‘’Oh my girl, when you learn what this family do, who we are, you too, are going to laugh for asking that question’’ Polly smiled, placing her hand on her nieces head.

‘’Look at me, we could never hate you, we could never hate a hair on your head’’ Arthur cried, kneeling to face her. ‘’You’re a Shelby, we work together, tell us where the body is, and John and Arthur will move it, we’ll dump the bastard where he belongs and forget his name’’ Tommy sighed, lighting himself a cigarette feeling emotionally exhausted yet extremely proud of his sister.

‘’Then we start a new, all of us, you stay here and we keep you safe’’ Ada smiled, brushing her fingers through her sisters hair like she used too. ‘’What about the police, I managed to drag him to the back barn before the police arrived, they never looked there’’ Amelia asked, panic setting in again.

‘’The police are on my payroll, I’ll deal with them. How about you go up and get some rest, Polly will run you a bath and Ada here will drive your friend Kate home. Arthur and John will head to the house to clean up’’ Tommy ordered, everyone beginning to move.

The house had been quiet since everyone had dispersed and Tommy had been given the call to say that the body had been destroyed. It would take a lot of healing to get his sister back to her best but Tommy was sure that she would get there- she was a Shelby after all.

‘’Can I come in, Lucy?’’ Tommy knocked on Amelia’s door but didn’t want to intrude. Ada had long moved out and Tommy would have to get used to having a younger sister again. ‘’Of course, sure’’ Amelia replied, brushing through her hair at her vanity.

‘’I know it’s going to take a while, and you don’t remember much, but I thought tomorrow we could discuss some old memories at dinner’’ Tommy asked, perching himself on her bed and looking around her room. ‘’Finn, he doesn’t remember mum and dad much either, so thought we could talk about them’’.

‘’I’d like that, but I do remember some things you know’’ She smiled, turning to face her brother. She really was so beautiful, and Tommy knew he would be in for trouble when the men of Small Heath began noticing her. ‘’You’d never let me win at Whist would you’’ Amelia sighed, pulling a similar face to the one she had when she was three. Tommy smiled, a small laugh leaving his throat, ‘’No, I always said you had to learn, games have rules and all that’’. ‘’I remember mum, she’d sing to us while cooking, she’d sing in Romani and it was so beautiful’’ Amelia welled up, a smile on her face.

‘’Mum loved you so much, she loved all of us and she never forgave herself for losing you’’ Tommy sighed, not wanting to get in too deep with his sister. ‘’I promised her, if you ever came back, I’d take care of you and I mean It Lucy’’ Tommy sighed, picking up a new lipstick she’d bought on her vanity. ‘’Even if that means I spend a cashbox a month on new lipsticks’’ he laughed, setting it back down and heading for her door.

‘’Tom’’ she asked, as he turned to look at her, ‘’call me Amelia’’ she smiled. For the first time in twenty years, with a house full of his five wild siblings, perhaps even Tommy Shelby’s broken heart could be healed.

"Look After You" || Tommy Shelby x Reader

Summary: Time and distance cannot break certain promises

Word count: 4.2k

Tags: Mentions of war, mental asylums, unjust imprisonment, mentions of controversial mental health treatments, cross dressing (?), implications of violence against women, illness, no betareading we go in raw

Author's note: You might have seen this post where I mention the life of Dorothy Lawrence. Well this is very loosely based on her life mixed with Tommy's story. Left it very open to a part 2 if people like the premise.

(Yes my people watch me put together moodboards instead of choosing gifs)

Requested tag (hope not to disappoint) @brummiereader @emotionalcadaver

The asylum stood tall and imponent before Tommy’s gaze, its towering central dome and flanking turrets framed by the bright sun rays of a cheerful spring afternoon. The radiant gardens contrasted dramatically with the derelict state of the building itself; rusty and broken drainpipes hanging from the roof, rotten wood frames and shattered window panes, missing chunks of brick on the walls, revealing the inner framing and plaster. Nothing about that place inspired trust to those who crossed its threshold, let alone hopes of betterment. The lamentable exterior stood like the perfect match of the decadence within.  

The smell of rot assaulted him the second he entered. The paint had started to peel off, and moisture stains crawled across walls and ceiling. Most windows in the main hall were shuttered, and the incandescent light bulbs did little to cut through the darkness, casting a sickly shadow over the room. The orderly that welcomed him in the entrance had an embittered face, and he questioned Tommy on his name, whom he was visiting and his reasons to. He patted him down and overturned his pockets, making him leave behind anything that could be used to harm or be harmed. Cap, cigar case, lighter, sleeve garters and shoelaces stayed behind while another orderly led him through long hallways and endless locked doors towards the morning hall where he’d meet the purpose of his visit.

Finally, they stopped before a wide set of oaken double doors with panels of rubbed glass, which allowed him a faint peek of what happened on the other side. The orderly barely opened the door enough to enter himself and told Tommy to wait outside, as if he feared something may escape from within given the chance. After a few minutes he returned, leaving the gap open for Tommy to pass through.

 “Sister Janice will take you to her. Don’t look at other patients. Don’t talk to other patients. If they come to you, ignore them. Don’t take anything they give you”

Perplexed, curious and mostly annoyed by all the delays, Tommy ducked under the orderly’s arm while he held the door open. As soon as he stepped inside the orderly let go, and the door closed behind him with a heavy click.

The sudden brightness hurt his eyes after the unceasing darkness, and Tommy had to squint briefly as his pupils grew accustomed to his surroundings. An ample hall stretched before him, arch windows spanning from floor to ceiling lining the west and north walls. Moth eaten draperies of blue velvet had been drawn back to allow sunlight in, in hopes of insufflating some life into the gelid heart of the asylum.

The room had surely once been a magnificent ballroom, but had now been reduced to the sad, dirty, abandoned alcove where the non-aggressive patients spent most of their waking hours, some engaged in the very few activities offered to them, others dragging their feet and mumbling to themselves like lost souls, their gazes absent and their appearance unkempt. Not one person appeared to have a coherent thought there, and Tommy wondered if it was due to their own ailments, or due to the medicines the nurses forced down their throats to keep them tame and peaceful, albeit stupid. 

As Tommy walked past, he couldn't help but notice the way his presence drew attention from them. The patients stopped in their tracks to stare at him as if he were the most marvellous wonder they had ever seen. They pointed at him, uttering incoherences and laughing at jokes no one else heard. Some tried to get close but were forced back with a sharp gesture by the nun accompanying him, whom only now Tommy noticed, carried a mean looking leather strap, hanging side by side with a rosary from her cord belt.

At long last, she came into view. Slouched on a rocking chair facing the windows, a ragged purple cardigan thrown over a white, floor length dress, resembling more a nightgown than any sort of decent clothing. A white linen cap covered her hair, and Tommy noticed that the ties had been removed, as had been from the rest of her garments. She looked thinner, thinner even than she did in France. She gave no indication that she had noticed their presence, her dulled eyes fixated on the gardens outside.

 “I have it from here, sister” Tommy dismissed the nun with a wave of his hand, dragging a nearby stool to sit next to the woman.

 “I’m sorry Mr. Shelby, but I cannot allow you to be unsupervised with a patient. She seems tame now, but who knows what atrocities a woman of sin like her might commit”

Tommy wanted to snort. She barely looked strong enough to hold herself in the chair, how could she harm anyone?

“She won’t attack me sister” Tommy insisted “Now step back, and I will make sure the asylum is handsomely rewarded for your troubles.”

The nun opened her mouth, ready to argue, but then chose against it. The asylum could do with some extra coin, after all. She straightened up and smoothed her habit, perhaps a way to reinstate her authority that Tommy had so brazenly challenged. 

“You have half an hour” She stated at last before walking away towards a group of patients who were seemingly arguing over a doll.

Tommy’s gaze returned to the woman in front of him, who continued to be absent from the world around her, and who gave no sign of life other than the steady rising and falling of her shoulders with each breath. Thomas allowed the pause to linger between them a few seconds longer, but he didn’t want to waste his allotted time. He wouldn’t put it past these people to drag him out like that; the laws of men did not apply in these sorts of places.

He called her name softly, in a nearly soothing whisper. Once, twice, thrice, yet it did not do to her more than the drafts howling through the broken panes or the maniac laughs of the patients around them. He didn’t want to touch her and risk startling her, but he didn’t want to spend his visit staring at her left cheek. He took his last chance, using this time a different name, a name he had not pronounced since 1915.

“Private Anders”

The name stirred something in her mind. Her back straightened a bit and her features quivered in recognition. Slowly, stiffly, she turned towards Tommy, her eyebrows first furrowing in confusion then rising in surprise.

“Sergeant Major?” Her shock could not be disguised, and she readied to rise and salute, but Tommy motioned for her to remain seated.

“At ease, private” 

~

Tommy recalled perfectly the first day he saw her. They were stationed near Albert, digging up a new front line as they tried to gain terrain from the Germans. The troops from the British Expeditionary Force and the 179th tunnelling company consisted mostly of coal miners, all turned sappers whose task was to ready up the land for battle. The clay rich soil basically melted between their fingers when it rained, making the digging of trenches and shelters a never-ending battle. The dampness crept up their legs and seeped into their bones, and Tommy had seen one too many soldiers whose feet rotted inside their boots. Even the strongest men, used to work from sun to sun in the depths of the coal mines breathing dust and methane, would sometimes succumb to the elements. 

Tommy worked paired with Tom Dunn, a man as thick of back as he was of skull. He could easily lift an adult man and throw him across the field like a sack of potatoes, and legend has it he pulled the coal carts in the mine when the horses couldn’t. If left to it, he could probably dig out the trench with only his hands and his helmet.

He had been the one to introduce Tommy to her. Dunn had hidden that little lunatic in an abandoned cottage, not too far from where the troops were stationed. Somehow, she had obtained a uniform, which she had padded with cotton wool to flatten her curves and broaden her shoulders. Her hair had been cut in a military style, scrapes on her cheeks simulated a shaving rash, and potassium permanganate attempted to sharpen her jaw and cheekbones with dark shadows. 

She slept in a damp mattress, with little more than a threadbare blanket to keep her warm; she had no means of acquiring something better, nor could she light a fire in the dusty hearth for fear of being discovered. Dunn had been feeding her with whatever he could spare from his own rations or snatch from others, which meant she had been eating the minimum for survival, since the woods offered nothing but naked branches at that time of year. 

Tommy had been left thunderstruck, far too much to react properly. A million questions came to his lips, and a million died there as his mind couldn’t exactly put into words what he wanted to know. His gaze flickered between them both, who looked at him pleadingly like a couple of children asking their parents to stay up late. His first instinct was to call up their superior and hand her over to them, for her own safety, but then he thought about it better. The things that could happen to her if he handed her over to the war office…and that’s it, if they handed her over in the first place, or chose to make justice themselves.

No, for the sake of her safety and his conscience, he would play along with them for now.

“What is your name?” He inquired, a simple question to cut through the gelid silence that had befallen them.

For an answer, she handed Tommy papers and a matching dog tag. Forgeries, most likely, and very good ones, which meant she spent money on those. Paying from her own pocket to go to war

They held each other's gaze for endless seconds. At long last, Tommy offered a handshake.

“Welcome to the 179th tunnelling company, Private John Anders. I’ll look after you” 

~ 

Tommy hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the meeting. The person who sat before him, hunched and dirty and completely lost to the world, bore no resemblance to the fiery, and perhaps a little unhinged, woman that had gone through every length to infiltrate herself in the front line. Years of memory seemed to have been erased from her mind, but she recalled vividly everything she went through in her time in France. She did not know the day and year she lived in but could easily recite the names of every man she met from the 179th, as well as every technique they implemented to dig out the clay.

Tommy was sure that, if he were to put a shovel in her hands, she would unconsciously start digging. 

He had partly placated his worries by placing a nurse in the asylum, one handpicked by Polly and paid out of his own pocket, to look after her. But that solution felt like not enough. Not by a mile. What that place did to her, what they were turning her into…Killing her bit by bit, stripping away her sanity to erase from her any memory she held of those weeks in the front. He still recalled the tunnel collapse, when the rain-soaked clay began to crumble over them like cold tar, obscuring their vision and sticking their feet to the ground. How the men dragged out each other, coated from head to toe in the reddish paste. She had tripped, her foot had gotten stuck, he couldn’t tell anymore. All he knew was that she had been left behind, and he had re-entered the tunnel for her. Feeling his way through the darkness, keeping an eye on the entrance, calling her name out; her fake name, for even in the face of danger he had the mental fortitude to remember the importance of her cover up. How she dropped her own facade, her fearful voice calling him as she stretched her arm towards him.

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy

“Tommy!” Billowed an angered female voice, dragging his thoughts back to the present time. 

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, attempting to dissipate the fogs of the past that laid over them. Because he was not in the tunnels, nor in the Western front. He was sitting in his office, behind his desk, nursing a whiskey in his hands and with Polly sitting across him, equally angered and perplexed at her nephew’s inattention.

“You know I don’t appreciate my words being wasted”. It sounded like a threat, but half of the things Polly said usually did “If you had no interest in this briefing, you could have rescheduled our meeting”.

“You hate your time being wasted” Tommy pointed out.

“Which is exactly what you’re doing now” She remarked.

Silence lingered in the office while Polly lit a new cigarette and Tommy downed his drink, which had already begun to warm in his hands. He stood to pour another, which he finished almost immediately.

“So” Polly began, exhaling the smoke in an elegant blow “Will you tell me what’s on your mind?” As usual, Polly could see through him as easily as one would do through a clean glass. It unnerved him sometimes, to be laid open so vulnerably under her watchful gaze.

“It’s nothing” Tommy sat before the fire; hands laced behind his head in an attempt to seem relaxed.

“There’s been many things on your mind, Tommy, and nothing has never been one of them”. Polly’s slender fingers ran across the glass bottles on the bar cart before settling on gin, pouring herself a more than generous serving.

“You’re thinking of her”.

Tommy immediately thought of denying it, but what was the point? When Polly knew, no one could tell her otherwise. And as much as he hated others meddling in his business, the words came tumbling before he could hold them back.

“I’m just worried. She’s not the same she used to be. I don’t know what they do to her in that place, but she’s changed. Those medicines they give her, and who knows what else they’ve done. You know the treatments” He shook his head, as if to dismiss everything he said “Just worried” 

“It’s been many years since you last saw her. Everyone changed after the war. God knows you did”.

“This is not the same. They’re killing her there” Tommy stared up at the ceiling, as if hoping to find a solution to his problems in the plaster. Polly only watched him, pondering over her next words carefully. She only hoped she would not regret whatever her nephew chose to do next.

“If her wellbeing worries you so, you have to do the right thing”

He frowned, turning to look at her with confusion clear in his eyes. Polly sipped the gin, swirling it around her mouth as she gave it a last thought. This was one of the far and few times in which Tommy proved he had a heart, and that softened her as well.

“If you are worried, you act. If they’re killing her in there, you get her out”

~

The sun had finally shone upon the soldiers after nearly a week of bad weather, when rain and fog had turned the living conditions in the trenches into nearly inhumane. The soldiers were happy, for they would no longer shiver until their bones ached, and they would at last be able to put their clothes and themselves to dry. The tunnellers were less than pleased, for the sun had dried the clay into a solid wall, forcing them to exhaust their muscles to dig out chunks the size of their heads while the sweat ran down their temples and backs. Their comrades kept them supplied with water, but it felt like pouring water on a bottomless bucket. 

Tommy worked side by side with her. Him. Her. Her identity still got tied in his mind, and he had to think through every word addressed in her direction for fear of blowing her cover. He watched her out of the corner of the eye as she swung the pickaxe with a strength and determination he never expected to see in a woman. Despite her resilience, Tommy worried about her, and kept a watchful gaze for any sign of exhaustion. She could not afford to be taken ill or injured, for a trip to the medical tent would be enough to unravel all her carefully crafted lies. He had to take care of her.

They both worked in the very end of the trench, and the sounds around them would conceal any hushed conversation. Tommy’s curiosity was stronger than his willpower

“Why?”

She didn’t react at first, and Tommy thought she either didn’t listen to him, or chose to ignore him, both of which were valid. But before he could ask again, she whispered back, keeping her manly tone

“Why what?”

“Why come here? What sane person would come here, on her own free will, to be forced into coldness and starvation? Risk your life, and for what purpose? Couldn’t find good places to dig back in England?”

She snorted, the sound quite lighter than any man’s laugh, so she concealed it by clearing her throat

“I wanted to serve my country, same as you. Is there any sin on that?”

“Is that what you tell yourself at night to sleep?”

She stopped digging for a moment, leaving the pickaxe embedded in the clay. She sat in the upturned bucket they used as stool, wiping the sweat from her brow with her sleeve. She couldn’t work shirtless, and their uniforms had been made to shield from the cold only. Tommy offered her water; she drank a sip and poured the rest on her head. He noticed her hair had grown again, and curled behind her ears. He made a mental note to give her a trim after nightfall.

“I just wanted to see what it was like. What it really was. They don’t tell us the truth back home. The newspapers make it sound as if the front is almost peaceful and the men are just laying back eating turkey while the Germans fall a hundred a day. I wanted the truth, and I want to write about it. Make a book of all the lies they fed us home.”

Her reasoning didn’t sit well with him. All that effort, that trouble, that risk, just to figure out if war was as bad as she thought? Mad, mad in the head this one.

“And what does your family think you’re doing away from home?”

She scratched her chin, in the same way Tommy did when he got a shaving rash from his blunt razors. She had picked up male mannerisms quite fast, particularly his own

“Not much family left to care what I do or stop doing. I said I’d come to France to volunteer as a nurse, but they most likely think I came as a camp follower. If they knew what I’m up to, they would have me committed to the closest madhouse”

“The madhouse is where you belong” Tommy replied, albeit jokingly, as he stopped his work to pull out a cigarette from his pocket. But he was interrupted by a ball of clay being tossed at his face with masterful precision, dampened for maximum effect.

“Shut up, Sergeant Major”

 ~

Blue skies and a pleasant breeze welcomed them at the gates of Arrow House. Tommy chose to drive this time, taking the advice from the doctor who would oversee her care, who suggested she be exposed to the least amount of people possible during the first days as she adjusted to life outside. Only Tommy, Frances and the nurse who would be her primary caretaker.

She stared at the world around her with such wonder, like a blind whose sight had been restored. Every tree, every bird, the very landscape that surrounded his manor brought such wonder onto her face, like a child with a Christmas tree. Her happiness almost managed to convince him that this was, in fact, a good idea. 

When Polly told him to get her out, he knew she meant to put her in a home of her own, with a caretaker, and allow her to have a life of her own. And Tommy considered the idea, for a while. To place her in a nice neighbourhood, in a house with a garden and a balcony where she could enjoy the sun, with a nurse and maids and a car. But it didn’t sit right with him. She had been alone ever since they took her. Imprisoned until the war ended, and then released only to be taken to the madhouse at first chance. Not one familiar face around her for nearly a decade. No, Tommy wouldn’t take her out of a cage just to put her back in a smaller, prettier one. She needed someone to protect her. And for better or worse, that one could only be Tommy. 

When the car came to a halt, she was the first one out, gaping at the imponent state which Tommy owned. 

“Is this where you live, Sergeant Major?” The wonder was palpable in her voice. But the only thing Tommy noticed was that after everything she still couldn’t find it in her to call him by his name.

“2000 acres of land, of which 12 are just garden, and 750 acres of farming land”

She cocked an eyebrow, and in the amused twinkle of her eyes Tommy saw a glimpse of the one she used to be.

“Are you a farmer now, sir?” She disguised her laugh behind the handkerchief she insisted on carrying, looking down like a bashful schoolgirl.

Tommy pulled out a cigarette; he felt the corner of his lips pulled into the shadow of a smile, pleased to see her spirits lifted.

“My business is more focused on progress and modernity, but I wouldn’t reject the idea. Perhaps one day it’ll come in hand to have crops and cows”

“That would be the bloody day” She didn’t even try to hide her laughter this time “Our mighty Sergeant Major, dressed in overalls and with mud up to his knees shovelling cow shit”

“I find myself more interested in horse shit these days. Come on, I’ll show you around” 

Tommy gave her a complete tour of the house and adjacent grounds, both to show her everything that would be at her complete disposal, and also as a way to show off how far he had come since they were both in the trenches, hunched over a meagre fire lit inside an empty can and sharing a homemade cigarette made from tobacco leftovers. Her eyes were wide with wonder, her fingers running over tapestries, leathers and carved wood with childlike wonder

He saved her room for last. A wide bedroom at the very back of the house, situated in a corner with plenty of windows. It had a view of the back of the state, so she could enjoy the gardens, the horses and the surrounding woods. In the corner with the most sunlight Tommy had placed a writing desk, supplied with paper, pens, ink and a brand new typewriter. Amidst everything sat a bunch of old and worn pages, all of different sizes and materials, kept together nicely with leather cord. She picked it up gingerly, running her thumb over the first page. Even though the paper was stained and dusty, the words could be read as easily as the first day she wrote them.

Tears flooded her eyes, and she hugged the improvised diary to her chest like it was a most prized possession. And perhaps it was. She turned towards Tommy, a mixture of bewilderment and eternal gratitude plastered on her features

“Where did you get it? I thought they would have had it destroyed when they locked me up”

Tommy only smirked, pulling out a cigarette from the golden case he carried “Remember what I told you? Always make sure someone owes you something”

That gesture, so small yet so meaningful, shifted something inside her. Her eyes brimmed with tears she attempted to fight, but they won in the end. She practically jumped into Tommy’s arms, hugging him with the eagerness of a person who has been denied a caring touch for far too long.

“How will I ever be able to thank you enough, Sergeant Major?”

His free arm circled her frame, returning the gesture

“You can start by calling me Tommy”

~

Worry crept up Tommy’s spine as the higher ups did their rounds to inspect the work on the freshly dug trenches. It had been three days since she last showed up, and he would soon run out of lies to cover up for “Private Anders’” absence. 

As much as she tried to deny it, finally the harsh conditions had caught up to her. Her health had gone down a slippery slope with the arrival of winter. First it had been just a fretless dry cough, easily softened with pine tea. But then came the bone pains, the headaches, the constant fatigue. The dampness of her safe haven had seeped into her bones and caused some sort of rheumatism. Tommy noticed the swelling of her hands as they struggled to grip the pickaxe. Her hair began to fall out in clumps.

The shivers and the fever had finally knocked her off her feet. She had been unable to leave her cottage, which in turn worsened her condition even further. Tommy had tried to bring her something more substantial to eat, but she seemed unable to eat more than a few bites of stale bread dipped in some coffee the Americans had given them. Dry, suffocating coughs racked her body until she had to gasp for air, her teeth and lips speckled with blood.

“This is the end line” She had mumbled weakly during the third night, while Tommy tried to desperately convince her to light a fire to warm and dry the place

“No. You are not going to die. I won’t allow it. I told you I’d take care of you” He stated firmly, sitting on the floor by her side with her hand in his, his other one cupping her feverish cheek. He had been in a similar spot, not too long ago. Watching life fade away from a young woman’s eyes. He refused to let her die, not like that, not there where he would have to dump her body in the river.   

“I am not going to die” She stated with a conviction her current condition didn’t match “But to survive, I have to turn myself in”

The idea of handing her over to the war office filled Tommy with panic

“No, no you cannot do that. Do you have any idea what they could do to you? Your best prospect would be to be thrown in jail, to be given 10 years for impersonating a soldier. And that’s if the higher ups are feeling compassionate” He shuddered at thinking what those wolves would do to her “Listen, I get leave tomorrow night. I’ll go to the nearest town, get some medicine, maybe I can pawn some things and get you a new blanket. You-”

“No” With great effort, she propped herself up in one elbow. Tommy couldn’t help but notice the strands of hair left in the pillow “I’ve implicated you long enough. The excuses and lies you have made for me are enough to have you dishonourably discharged and tried. You have done everything you could for me, and for that I am  forever indebted to you, Sergeant Major. This next chapter in my life, I have to write it alone”

She sounded dejected and disappointed, as if she had failed some unwritten expectation of her adventure. But Tommy thought quite the opposite. He only felt admiration for the things she had put herself through in order to tell her story. He still thought she was mad in the head, but in a completely different way

“Will you mention my name when you write your book?” He asked jokingly, helping her lay back down slowly, pulling the ragged blanket up to her chin

“Only if you want to be jailed next to me for helping an intruder” She laughed, but the sound was cut short by another fit of coughing “I’ll dedicate it to you, Sergeant Major. Everything I write and do will be because of you”

~

Tommy awoke with a startle. His eyes were wide open, darting around the room as he tried to locate the source of the disturbance. Everything seemed to be calm in his room. And then it happened again. A dry thud in the wall, followed by a muffled scream.

In a heartbeat he was out of bed, gun in hand. He followed the noises, which seemed to grow louder the closer he got to her bedroom. The door was ajar, allowing a sliver of moonlight to project in the floor, in which Tommy could see two shadows moving.

He stormed inside, gun ready to fire. But he didn’t find an intruder, no. Just her, on her knees, banging her fists against the wall as she screamed. Her nurse stood by her side, amidst a disaster of clothes and books and other objects, unsuccessfully trying to coax her back to bed

“Miss, please. The hour is quite late. You need sleep”

“No, no. The walls are coming down. We have to get out, the roof’s collapsing!” She yelled desperately, clawing at the wall trying to dig herself out of some dark place that only existed in her head. He saw her nails tear the wallpaper with ferocity. And then he noticed the nurse unlocking a cabinet and pulling out a syringe

“No” He said almost immediately as he put a firm hand on the nurse’s arm “Go to bed. I have this”

“But Mr. Shelby!”

“I said go. Leave me with her”

The nurse doubted, holding his gaze, but chose to exit the room, closing the door behind her.

Tommy walked towards her slowly, afraid he would startle her. He gingerly touched her arm, but his presence went as unnoticed as a speck of dust. He called out her name, again and again, without success. The mud had seeped deep in her brain, as it had done his, and blocked her senses from the outside world. In order to get through, Tommy had to get into the mud with her

He stood tall, in martial position, hands behind his back

“Private Anders!”

Quick like a lightning bolt, she stood up and saluted in a firm position. Tears streaked her face and her entire body quivered like an autumn leaf

“Sergeant Major sir!”

“At ease, private. You are relieved of your duties. Time to go back home”

Like the lifting of a spell, her eyes glossed over as she blinked slowly, looking around her from the bed, to the things she had thrown around in haste, and finally towards Tommy. Her lower lip quivered

“What is happening to me?”

Her knees faltered. Tommy lunged forward before she could hit herself, coming down to the floor with her held in his arms. She burrowed herself in his chest, her fingers clinging to his shirt as she wept, her body racked by sobs. Tommy shushed her quietly, his fingers carding through her hair

“Don’t cry. I’ll take care of you”

Happy Pride Month!

Faust the Crow is back and she loves you as much as she did last year!

Here's a link to my dropbox if you want to print this artwork yourself or if you want to use your preferred crow as an icon. Just keep in mind it's for personal use only (please give me credit if you're going to use it). Have a great Pride <3