Ehb1997 - Em - Tumblr Blog

“When I’m with you, I feel a kind of calm I’ve never felt in my life. I’m tangled up in you and you’re tangled up in me and it feels right. Like it was meant to be.”

— Rachel Gibson, Tangled Up In You (via thoughtkick)

It hurts in a way that I cannot describe, that I’ve only ever been loved by people I cannot force myself to love back, and that everyone I’ve ever loved, has not felt nearly so strongly about me.

Sometimes you can’t explain what you see in a person. It’s just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.

All I ever wanted was to love you and getting loved by you in return, but slowly I'm starting to think that will never happen.

I am so tired and exhausted and it would be for the best for me, to just let you go. But at the same time the thought of not loving you, of not having you in my life terrifies me.

Every day I'm breaking a little bit more and I don't think I can do this much longer. I need to figure out how to let you go without losing myself completely, because if I stay, there won't be anything left of me either.

I never thought loving someone could be this painful.

“In my clearest mind, I️ miss you, and even when I️’m not 100% there, you are.”

— Unknown (via surqrised)

Broken thoughts of a lonely heart, pt 17

(Last part)

11:11 marks the clock, making a wish to see you one day. Don't know what would hurt more, to have you for a fleeting moment or loving you from a distance. I don't want to see your face anymore, because it brings me pain. Reminding me of all the things i want, everything i lost without even having.

Eights years have been, since you came into my life, i was a naive girl back then, and you weren't any different. But even then, with all those people around i knew there was something especial in you. You're wonderful sunshine, sweet honey and calming melody. All about you, comforts and breaks me at the same time. How can this be? Is this what love is? Comfort and pain. Joy and tears.

I want to stop thinking about you, i want to give up on you. And i keep saying I don't know what love is, even after meeting you. I'm such a fool, for thinking that way. When in true, all i want is to see your face, to trace the endless constellations on your skin, to kiss every one of your moles, and tell you how much you mean to me.

I never knew i could miss someone so much until you came into my life...

The idea of losing something i don't even have, i can feel my heart breaking at the thought.

Is it possible to miss someone you don't know?

To grieve something you've never had?

To long and treasure memories you can't recall?

It took me long to understand what this is, and even now, there are endless tears. But after all the pain and doubt, now that I'm not giving up on us.

I'll keep being strong, even with all the memories hunting me. I'll keep loving you, even with the thousand kilometers between us. I'll keep fighting, even with all the time it takes to get you.

- D

i wish i had learned from you. i wish i could remember the lessons that i was supposed to have learned. i’m still here where you left me, waiting by the phone, stuck in the time when you still wanted me. i never lived past you, i never learned to live without you. my heart beats for you, even after all this time and all the ways you told me you didn’t feel the same.

j.e.b. (( the dust still gathers here. ))

i don’t write poems anymore.  i think about it, but it never happens. i still collect words here and there, just in case. but i have run out of language to convey them. this new reality feels insincere. clinging to me like an indolent child. i’m left with a profound sense of sadness, -closing the door.

For you to think of me - even just a moment.

To cross your mind. A fleeting thought.

To somehow have left an impression big enough to make you think of me even for a minute and maybe ask yourself if what you did might've hurt me.

Just a thought. Not even that long. A moment of your time, in between your games and your love for her.

I wonder if you could ever think about the one you treated as a disposable joke.

“It feels like I’m just wading in the shallow end of depression. Like I’m in the shallow end of a pool, and I’m floating on the surface. And it’s okay, I can stand it a bit longer. I can pretend I’m fine for just a bit longer. But I know, if I relax or shift, even just a little. I’ll start to sink.”

— Excerpt from a Book I’ll Never Write

“So yes, sometimes I just wish that you could love me and I could tell you. And then somehow...somehow, this feeling of co-existing could last.”

@theunrequitedfeels

I’m told often that I’m loved, and I feel it from time to time. But I rarely ever think of myself as a lovable person.

It feels like “All the love in the world is useless”

And I can’t really remember what’s the point of a love that doesn’t understand depth ? what’s the point of love that chooses to be blind to the ugliness that defines me?

Whats the point of forcing my heavy steps; when they choose to step all over me ?

And “How can I trust in love? How can I trust in anything that can be so present one moment and so absent the next?”

i can’t just let them love me when it only please them…

So I highlight my own flaws With the colors of an iridescent sunset. Too beautiful, for them to ever relate.

I’m waving a red flag but there is too many shades… And they are busy deciding what to name it.

Or maybe i was seen, but only on a surface level. Not enough to insure balance.

Cause i sense the insecurities of others, too easily for my own good. Then absorb it all, every tick, And body gesture. Memorize every detail like an actor waiting for the moment they will be in spotlight. And if they don’t put some effort on trying to see deeper than the show I put.. then all they’ll ever see is a projection.

So what does it mean when they say they “love me” ? Do they love the person that brings their own colors to life by being absent? Or is it the looming promise of my presence?

"if you love me, you don't love me in a way I understand."

•••

Quotes: Ingeborg Bachman/ Franz Kafka/ Beau Taplin Oscar Wilde/Albert Camus/richard siken

Paintings reference:

1. George Elgar Hicks - On the seashore (1879). 2. under his wings, daniel f. gerhartz. 3. The Pact, 2020, by Eliran Kantor. 4. Farewell, 1913 (fragment) – Arthur Hacker. 5. Stańczyk, 1862 – Jan Matejko. 6. Art by Hüseyin Özçelik

“I think perhaps I will always hold a candle for you – even until it burns my hand. And when the light has long since gone… I will be there in the darkness holding what remains, quite simply because I cannot let go.”

— Ranata Suzuki

There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.

Edit- I added the visualizer for this piece on my YT, check it out here

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

Mary Oliver, from Worm Moon in “Twelve Moons”

Jane Austen - "Sense and Sensibility"

“I lost my way, I lost myself, and I’m trying to find myself again, but it’s hard.”

— Spencer Hastings, Pretty Little Liars

tell me, am I so base that all that I can do is write about you? It’s not even that I try to write about anything else. my words only form about love– Most often lost– love pushed away not fought for or simply faded into nothing. and what’s worse for my heart– I’ve no idea who you are, or rather knowing that you’re not real, just an image of all I’ve lost.

I can’t even see your face, because it never seems the same– all you are seems to ever run together. Every tender touch, it comes, from a different set of hands, every kiss we’ve felt, had from different lips. Every stupid fight, I swear, that I hear a different voice, looking deep into your eyes, that always seem a different colour. I can’t nail you down because, you are so many different people. The love I’m hurting for was never even real. What the hell is wrong with me?

She wishes for a meaningful connection

The bond with you to be as clear as hyaline

One that'll let her know

She can readily come nearer,

And close the distance

She maintains in the absence

Of any conviction,

Only you can illuminate

The world which seems

Filled with haze to her,

Give a crystal clear meaning

Conveying what her presence

Means to your existence

Setting her free

From the never-ending struggle

To become known as someone

Who matters to you

To a significant extent.

not a day goes by you're not on my mind.

I can't even come close to explaining the way I feel right now..

I'm sorry.

I wish I had the chance to let you know how sorry I am for everything I've ever done.. it wasn't till after I lost you that I realized how much you really loved and adored me.

after losing you I realized a lot of things, one of them being how blessed I was to have you as a father.

I never told you enough how much I appreciated you.. or how much you meant to me.

they say when a father dies, his love carries on forever.. this is true, I feel your love every day.

when I wake up in time to see the sun come up I know you're sitting there beside me as well.

every time I see a train go through town, you're counting the carts as they go by.

I know you constantly send me little hints to let me know you're close by, and in those moments I feel as if everything will be okay.

when the world felt like it was caving in on me you told me that it would be okay, and in the end you always made it okay.

going on with my life without you has been and will forever be the hardest thing I'll ever do.

i know i should had knew better but i cannot help myself to be with you everytime you called my name .

“they say young love isn’t supposed to last. but it’s been six years and you’re still all my heart talks about, all my mind thinks about. six long years and you’re the only one i wish for from every shooting star, every birthday candles, every 11:11, every wishing wells.”

via vsco.co