I'm Tired. Sketches Are Rough Today. Want To Take A Nap, But I Have To Get Ready For Work. No Energy

I'm tired. Sketches are rough today. Want to take a nap, but I have to get ready for work. No energy for being philosophical today. Be gay do crime, don't hurt people.

I grew up in an aggressively Christian Low income house. Sometimes, I look back, telling myself that it wasn't so bad and that my brain exaggerates things. I spent a good two years in a house that had no insulation and was missing several walls on the inside. The door I had to my room at one point was a sheet that was held in place by thumbtacks. The house itself held a 10 year old me, a 5 year old brother of mine, a 3 year old brother of mine, and my sister, who had to be 2. Then there were the adults, my uncle, who was an alcoholic, my stepmother, who was awful to me but cared greatly for her kids, my dad who was a drug addict to the point of me finding his stashed needles in my clothes basket, my grandmother who was the only one making money and it was her unemployment as she had gotten too old to keep working as a nurse, and my grandfather ... he was the one who took me to church, among other things that I'm not quite ready to post on the internet yet. The house was a 3 bedroom 2 bath. Things sucked to put it lightly, but I still tell myself to this day that it wasn't so bad. Yes, people have it worse, and they have every right to complain .... but that does not make your complaints invalid, you know? Like people can be worse off than you, but that doesn't mean you were well off. I got lost in the sauce on this one. I don't know where I was going anymore. Something, something religious, teachings that are meant to hide trauma and convince you that things were just great when they were not, are harmful, so on so forth.

Welp after an hour of trying sketches are eh today. At least it's something, I guess.

Headed home from my mini vacation aside from a few annoyances it was pretty nice. Now to get home and play Skyrim for the 7542nd time.

I'm not doing well this evening. My grandmother, who has been taking care of my cat for a few years now, just let me know he is not doing well health wise, and she can not get him to eat regularly. She has tried a lot of different food, but nothing seems to work for long. He might not have long left. The last time I saw him was before the covid lockdowns. I'm going to miss him. A couple of old pictures I have of him, his name is Garfield.

Unfortunate update here I was told today that my little man has been cremated.

I find myself constantly wishing I could do more. Help the people who are important to me more, work more, and play more Skyrim. It feels like a weird cycle to find myself in doing everything I can, but it is not feeling like enough. I think it is one of those things that kind of nailed into me when I was young and then reinforced once I was able to start working. I think I'll start working on myself a bit more and using this place to post/keep track of it.