My Mental Health Is Hanging By A Thread Where I Can Spend The Whole Day Listening To Taehyung Singing
My mental health is hanging by a thread where I can spend the whole day listening to Taehyung singing "If we live fast let us die young"...
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More Posts from Emerald-notes
Parallel
Fandom: BTS Pairing: Jungkook x Female Reader x Yoongi Warning: It’s extremely angsty, toxic relationship (bit problematic too), physical and emotional abuse, drinking, manipulative behavior?
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I look at him in disbelief. “Is it really the Jungkook I fell in love with?” I ask myself.
My cheek hurts from the slap that Jungkook’s hand had just landed on my face. Tears are forming in my eyes. I can’t see him properly through my blurry vision.
Instead who came to my mind was my ex, Yoongi. He was wasted that night. I should have understood and kept quiet. Instead I let my emotions take control of me and shouted at him, causing him to break the empty wine bottle right beside me. Pieces of glass flew to my face. I wasn’t badly hurt. But I was scarred inside. A scar, I knew, would never heal.
I remain silent. I wish I had done that before Jungkook’s anger rose to the point of hitting me.
Jungkook seems to have come back to his senses. He steps toward me, “y/n,” he whispers. I step back. Jungkook’s voice cracks up as he speak, “Are you going to leave now that I’ve done that to you?”
Yoongi, too, had come to me once he was sober. That day, I saw him crying for the first time. He had begged me to stay. He told me, “I’m not what you think I am.”
I answer to Jungkook the same reply I had given Yoongi that day.
“I can’t love someone I’m afraid of.”
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My Masterlist
Note: I don’t know why I keep thinking about such violent scenarios. Personally, I don’t think Jungkook and Yoongi could do such an act. But I had to imagine someone before I make a scene on my mind. Them being my biases, automatically came to my mind first. Forgive me, lord. Forgive me, Jungkook and Yoongi.
True Self - Part 2
Fandom: BTS Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader Genre: Angst with a little fluff Warning: A bit angsty, toxic ARMYs, cyber bullying, swearing etc. Word Count: 1k Words Note: Please bear it in mind that it’s totally fictional. I tried my best to include some of the aspects of Namjoon in here. Personally I think, Namjoon is one of the best men to ever exist. Wish I could do him justice.
Summary: Once you find out that Namjoon is an Idol, you start to see him differently than you did before...
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 [Complete]
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My mother kept denying it saying that Namjoon was trying to prank me until I showed her his profile in Google. It was hard for me to believe it myself at first.
Namjoon told me that he would like to introduce me to his band mates. What? I was going to meet with the biggest band of the world. And I didn’t even know them. I felt like an idiot for never trying out K-pop before.
I spent most of my time streaming their music and other videos which I found too hilarious. I kinda regretted it now for not knowing about these precious gems existing. Now, I could see why people loved BTS from the bottom of their hearts.
The leadership quality in Namjoon was something on another level. He was definitely one of the many reasons of BTS being BTS. I felt somewhat proud for knowing him in person.
One thing that shocked me every time was Namjoon’s ability to produce the most relatable lyrics. Those were the words I had always wanted to say, but better. I felt like, we were one person in mind.
“Does that make him my soul mate?” I thought. Soul mate or not, he was definitely my ideal type; which I had never imagined I would get to meet in real life let alone date him.
I started to see Namjoon in a new light. He was no more just a silly boy who talked about books and nature. He was a superstar, a role model for people to look up to. He was intelligent and artistic. But he was also someone who was out of reach; which I had realized the hard way.
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"We were dying to meet you." The one called Hoseok said as soon as Namjoon had introduced me to them.
"Me too!" I said, "I was very excited." Which was partly true. Actually, I was more nervous than excited. I was worried they might find me boring.
Fortunately nothing of the sort happened. I met the Bangtan boys at a restaurant near their house. They had welcomed me and made me very comfortable around them. Soon, we were talking and eating like they had known me for years.
I had learnt that it was extremely rare for them to date anyone because of their busy schedule. They tended to avoid going into relationships to keep it easy.
"But do you know what hyung told me?" Jimin said with a smirk on his face, "He said, ‘Yah, Jimin, I don't think I can keep away from her.’"
"Jimin-ah!" Namjoon yelled at him while the others burst into laughter. I was blushing so hard that I had to cover my face pretending to cough.
At some point, Namjoon had a call and he asked me to excuse him for a moment. When he returned, his face was grave.
"Something came up." He said apologetically, "I’m sorry, darling. I really have to go now."
"It's Okay," I nodded, "Maybe one of the boys can drive me."
It was agreed on that Jin would take me back home. Then, Namjoon left. Even though, we still stayed there for half an hour more, I felt Namjoon's absence every moment. I wasn't enjoying the dinner anymore.
Finally, Jin was giving me a ride as promised. He probably noticed the change in my expression. "You know," he said, "when we said it's hard, we really meant it."
I nodded my head slowly. I understood. It would indeed be hard to date an idol.
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“Happy Birthday, darling.” Someone softly placed a kiss on my forehead.
I woke up from the touch and slowly opened my eyes. At first a little blurry, then, I could make up the face in front of me. It was Namjoon. As soon as I recognized him, I pulled him into a tight hug.
“Woah!” He exclaimed, “Hey, calm down. I’m not going anywhere.”
I shook my head as I didn’t let go of him. Namjoon hugged me back and chuckled, “You’re acting like your little sister now.”
I didn’t care. I had met him in person after 2 whole months. We didn’t even get to talk online often. As always, Namjoon was way too busy to make time for our relationship. And I was worried it might fall apart at any time.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re coming, huh?” I asked pretending to be furious at him since we had an argument last night.
He put on his best dimple smile and said, “To surprise you, of course.”
“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, “Showing off how romantic you can get?”
Namjoon spent the whole day with me and my family. Apparently, my mother already knew about his visit, which shocked me since she was incapable of keeping secrets. My little sister was super happy to meet her ‘oppa’ after a long time too. Overall, it was one of the best days I had in a long time.
Namjoon planned a dinner for my birthday at a fancy restaurant. I put on my best dress. I also put on a lot of makeup. When I was finally pleased with my outfit, we sat off for the little date I was longing to have.
The restaurant was beautiful. We got our table at the furthest corner to enjoy some privacy. The food was delicious as well.
“What?” I was completely shocked when Namjoon announced that he was going away tonight.
“I’m really sorry, darling.” He apologized once again, “It was already hard but I still managed to get a day off to celebrate your birthday.”
“I can’t believe it.” I said, “We are meeting after 62 days and you are already leaving in a day.”
“I know it sounds ridiculous.” He tried to laugh it off, “But I promise, next time, I’ll get more time and we’ll go on a long vacation. Does that sound good?”
“Next time!” I whispered.
Namjoon took my hands in his, “I’m really sorry.”
“Can you please stop apologizing already?”
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The threats kept coming one after another and so was the mean comments.
“Why don’t you go die in a ditch, you freak!”
“You’re so fucking ugly that you make me puke.”
“How did you make our handsome Namjoon hyung to fall for you, witch?”
Some reporters had found out about us. Now, the news got leaked into the media. And some of his fans couldn’t accept it.
At first, I was crying at night silently. I was a sensitive person. So, every harsh comment felt like a knife through me. Eventually, I became numb towards the hatred. I stopped posting online. Ultimately, I deleted all my social media accounts.
“Don’t worry, darling.” Namjoon would call every day to console me over the situation, “Nothing’s made official. They’ll get tired of it. It will be over soon.”
“Does it even matter?” I asked once.
“Why are you saying that?” Namjoon’s voice sounded as if he was worried.
“If it takes not making our relationship public for the hatred to go away, that means, we will never be official.”
Namjoon was silent for a moment. Then, I added, “Perhaps someday, it will be over for us as well.”
“Don’t you worry about it, darling.” He said, “We will overcome the struggles.”
I wiped a tear from my cheek, “I wish I was as strong as you.”
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Special 8 Photo-folio Masterlist
My Personal Masterlist
"Love"
Fandom: BTS
Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader
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My phone rang at 3 a.m. I woke up with a start. It was a video call from Taehyung.
"Baby?" I called in a sleepy voice. It was dark on the other side, I could barely see his face from the little light of the phone.
Taehyung sniffed and said, "I'm so sorry I called you this late."
His voice sounded abnormal to me. My immediate thought was "he's crying."
"No, no," I said, "It's alright. Talk to me."
He stayed quiet for a moment. Then he said, "I don't know why I'm feeling down lately."
I could hear him sobbing softly now. I guessed letting him talk would be a better way to comfort him than actually saying something.
"Hmm?" I urged him to speak more.
"I miss you so much. I wish you were here."
"I miss you too, baby."
"Can you stay on line till I fall asleep? I'm lonely." He sounded like a child pleading to his mother to let him sleep with her so that he won't get scared.
"Yeah, sure, baby." I said.
We stared at our screens for a while. I could see Taehyung's face a little clearer now.
"Would you like some music?" He asked.
"I would like it very much."
Taehyung turned on the song we used to listen to all the time. It was our song, "Love" by Lana Del Rey.
"It's enough just to make you feel crazy, crazy, crazy."
The song played on, the lyrics touching my heart directly. I closed my eyes. Taehyung's sigh could be heard occasionally. It almost felt like he was lying next to me.
The finishing music ended with the iconic "Don't worry, baby."
I said, "We'll meet soon. We'll listen to music and lie next to each other and hold on tight till we fall asleep. Don't worry, baby."
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My Masterlist
Careful What You Wish For
Fandom: BTS Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Human!Reader (Female) Genre: Fantasy/Angst Warning: Slight swearing, mild horror atmosphere, vampirish activities (please don’t ask me), blood, biting, fighting, wolves and a sprinkle of smut. Word Count: 4k Words Note: Totally fictional, some parts of the plot is inspired by the classic Dracula. Some people might feel uncomfortable. Please, read at your own risk.
Summary: When you’re stuck in a deserted road surrounded by wilderness, you have no other choice but to enter the huge mansion you see before you. The man you meet inside is mysterious. But he is too alluring for you to stay away from...
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“Oh shit!” I swore as an animal passed by in front of my car and I had to break really hard.
It was past midnight and raining heavily. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to reach the destination of my work till dawn. I still had a long way to go.
I tried to start the car again. But it wasn't responding anymore.
"No, no, please," I pleaded to my car, "this is not the right place. For God's sake..." I kept muttering.
I had to give up trying after a few attempts. The car was a second hand one and it didn't function properly. I tried calling for the recovery. But there was no phone signal either.
Being hopeless, I got down from the car and got drenched immediately.
"Yeah, no, SHIT!" I swore in exasperation. I was cursing myself for agreeing to go into this remote area in the first place. I desperately wished for a miracle.
I looked around me. It felt like the road was in the middle of nowhere. All around me, I could see only wilderness. But there was a faint glow of light ahead of me. Without any further ado, I started to walk towards it.
What I found was astonishing and terrifying at the same time. There was a huge mansion. The front gate was wide open as if it was already aware of my intrusion and was welcoming me all the same.
I went inside the boundary, and knocked on the door. Even through the heavy rain, the sound of someone pushing open the door from within was heard clearly. I took a step backward as I look at the person in front of me.
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There stood a man in dark clothes. I couldn't see his face properly due to the lack of light.
"Welcome!" He announced without any sign of hesitation, his voice sharp yet not cold.
I tried to explain what had happened in a few sentences before he said, "Perhaps it would be better if you come inside first. I can see you're wet."
I nodded my thanks and went inside despite having some doubts within myself.
He led me through a dark corridor into what looked like a very fancy living room to me. The fire was lit on the fireplace and I was grateful for the warmth.
"If you don't mind waiting here for a moment, love, I have to take care of something." Then, the man was gone.
I found everything really weird. I mean, who talked like that nowadays. His accent and the choices of words were really out of the ordinary.
I noticed that the whole room looked really dark despite being lit up by many candles all around it. I was still sitting by the fire when he came back with a towel and some clothes.
I was about to say it wasn't necessary, that he should not trouble himself with them, when he cut me off and said, "It's not every day a guest come to stay at my place. I'm glad to do anything to make you feel at home. And I apologize early. You might not get full attention since I had sent all the servants away for a week. After all, I was not aware of your arrival."
With that being said, I couldn't argue any further. He again led me to a bedroom and asked me to get changed while he prepare the supper.
The clothes he had given me were all old fashioned. But they were still as new as if no one had ever worn them.
When I came out to the dining room, I was awestricken by the amount of food that were presented before me on the table. The fact that it was done in such a short time by a single person was more fascinating.
The man was sitting on the very corner and called me to sit opposite him. I didn't make any further inquiries as I was starving and the smell was delicious. After having a few bite, I decided to make a conversation.
I found out that the man was called Jeon Jungkook and he was the landlord of the entire mansion. All of his family members had died in a tragic accident leaving him with a huge fortune. He lived alone with some servants to take care of him and the mansion.
As we were talking, I couldn't help but notice how incredibly handsome he was. He had a fine figure. His eyes were almost pitch black and they were huge. He was wearing old fashioned clothes like mine and wore fine silver jewelry. He also had a lot of piercings in his ears, eyebrows and lip.
And Oh God, his lips. As I looked, I couldn't take my eyes off them. I was looking at him in a very devoted way throughout the whole conversation. He was indeed very handsome. In fact, he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen my entire life.
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Jungkook had promised to call the recovery for me at dawn (I would call him by his name since he had insisted me upon calling him that). As I lied down, I realized how terribly tired I was. So, I closed my eyes.
"How old is he?" I thought before falling into a deep sleep. He never mentioned his age.
In my dream, I was in a complete different world. There was darkness all around me. The warm room started to get cold as I felt someone coming near. The stranger climbed my bed and lied beside me, his hands slowly reaching to catch both of mine. Suddenly he was on top of me.
“You’re blessed.” He softly whispered on my ear. I could feel his breath going down slowly towards my neck. His lips touched my skin. I felt a sharp pain throughout my whole body.
Then, everything changed. I couldn’t feel the reality anymore. Nothing felt solid. It was as if I was floating through the air. I could see all the colors at once. But then again, there were no colors at all. It felt like every color, matter and surrounding had merged into one. It was a terrific feeling, but a pleasant one too.
“Who are you?” I wanted to ask. But I felt like I already knew the answer. I didn’t want to acknowledge it right away. Because then, I had to come back to the reality; which I didn’t want just then.
I couldn’t tell how long the strange feeling lasted. Slowly my surrounding started to get clearer. Half consciously, I could make out a man’s silhouette raising from my bed. He walked towards the door.
I tried to call out his name. But it seemed like I couldn’t move my muscles. He glanced back at me one last time before making his exit through the door.
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I woke up with a jolt and found myself covered with sweat. I was gasping for air as I found it hard to breathe properly. My heart was pounding in my chest. I sat down and tried to relax.
“What time is it?” I thought. It was hard to guess whether it was night or day. I looked around me and saw that my room still looked the same. But I felt like an eternity had passed already.
The windows were covered with heavy thick curtains. So, it was possible that the morning sunlight couldn’t get inside. I slowly rose from my bed and opened one side of a curtain. The scorching heat from the sun reached my face. My eyes closed shut as it couldn’t adjust with the bright light suddenly.
I closed the curtain and went towards my bed again. I was feeling a little weak. There was a dull pain on my neck. I sat down for a while, thinking about last night’s incidents.
Then, suddenly I remembered about my business. I had to be present there before 10 o’clock. I hurriedly got out of bed and sprinted to the living room. Jungkook was sitting on an armchair by the fireplace. Just like my bedroom, all the curtains had blocked out the sunlight here as well.
“Good afternoon, love.” He greeted me with a smile, “did you sleep well?”
“Afternoon?” I gasped, “Oh no!”
“Is there a problem?” he rose from his chair and walked towards me.
I explained that I had an important meeting at 10 and that it was the reason as to why I had come to this place. Now I had already missed it and I didn’t know what to do.
“I’m so sorry, love,” he said, “I didn’t want to wake you up early. I thought you must’ve been very tired since last night’s tragedy.”
I noticed a faint line of smile on his face. It didn’t appear to me that he was sorry at all. In fact, it looked like he was actually glad.
I shook my head. It sounded ridiculous. Why would this man want me to miss the meeting? What was there for him in it?
“As there is nothing you can do about it now, I would suggest you to stay here as long as it takes for your car to be repaired.” Jungkook announced. I didn’t say anything. I was still very confused about everything that was happening.
“You look so pale.” He said, “Come, sit here.” I went over to sit by the fire. He poured a glass of wine and handed it to me.
As I took the glass, our hands touched for a moment and I shivered. His hands were surprisingly cold.
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After lunch, Jungkook took me to the library. I was going through the books on the shelves while he sat quietly in a corner. There was a book in his hand. But I could sense that he wasn't reading. He was secretly watching my every move.
I thought about my strange dream. It felt more real than any dream I ever had. But the feelings I felt were too strange to explain in reality. No matter how excited I felt the night before, at day time, I felt like there was an air of melancholy all around the house.
It started to rain again. I inquired about my car. Jungkook told me that it might take a day or two to properly fix it. I asked him if he could give me a ride to the town. He said I would rather enjoy my time in the mansion more.
He spoke with a voice of authority which made me shut up. I couldn't bring myself to argue. Even though I was strongly attracted by his appearance, there was a part of me who was frightened.
Time seemed to move at a different speed here. I tried reading something for a while but kept getting distracted by my own thoughts. It was mostly the memories of last night and those strange feelings.
Casting my fear aside, I thought it would be better to talk to my companion. So, I asked, "It rains an awful lot here, doesn't it?"
Jungkook shut down his book and smiled at me, "Yes, love. It does."
There was something in the way he called me 'love'. It made me blush almost every time. I was swept off for a whole minute by his answer.
He then chuckled to himself and said, "They say, the woods belong to the nine tailed fox that resides in here. After all, he controls the weather."
"He?" I asked, "Isn’t a Gumiho always a woman?"
"Is it, though?" He asked as if he had met a real Gumiho who was a man.
I shrugged my shoulders and added, "He must've been really sad for him to make it rain most of the time."
"Yes, love." Jungkook whispered under his breath, "He’s lonely. Just like I am."
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Jungkook apologized and said he couldn’t join me for the dinner as he had some important works to be done. He then left me alone to have mine.
As I was eating alone, all kinds of doubts kept revolting around my head. I never saw him eat. He didn’t even joined me for lunch. But why? And how did he prepared the foods all alone in such a short time? I remembered how cold he was when our hands had touched.
But there was something that bothered me much more. He sounded very sad while telling me about the Gumiho. He sounded as if it were true. Or at least he believed it to be.
“He is lonely.” I thought, “Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want me to leave.”
The feeling of loneliness was something I was very much used to. I had never received any love from my family. They had never admired me or appreciated me for anything. In fact I was always considered a disappointment in my family.
All my life, I had searched desperately for a friend who would understand me and love me for who I was. It was the only wish I had cherished since childhood. So, I decided I would not mention about leaving unless Jungkook, himself, asked me to.
I waited for Jungkook for a while to bid him goodnight. But he didn’t come. I thought he might have already been to bed. So, I made my way towards my bedroom.
As soon as I fell asleep, my dream returned. He was on top of me, whispering in my ear, “I don’t want you to leave.”
But this time, I replied, “I don’t want to leave either.”
“Stay with me, will you?”
“Don’t let me go.” I mumbled as I felt his lips on my neck. Something sharp was pushed through my skin and I felt that quick pain all over my body again.
All the strange feelings of the previous night returned. But this time, everything felt more pleasant as I didn’t resist. I let myself loose.
When I came back to my senses, I could see his face clearly. It was indeed Jungkook. I knew it all along. But instead of shying away or being frightened, I was relieved.
He placed a soft kiss on my lips and whispered, “Sweet dreams, love.”
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I woke up next day with the same feeling like the day before. I was sweating and it was hard to breathe. As soon as I tried to stand up, my head felt dizzy.
“Was it a dream too?” I pondered over last night. Whatever it was, the feelings I felt were a little too strong for me to avoid. I wanted to find out the truth. And the only way to do that was meeting Jungkook.
He was sitting by the fire as usual and looked up with a warm smile on his lips, “You’re awake.”
I slowly nodded and sat down on the armchair opposite him. “What time is it?” I asked.
“The same time you woke up yesterday, I believe.” He said casually. His expression turned serious as he looked at me closely, “Are you feeling well, love?”
I didn’t know whether to tell him the truth. What if it was really a dream? He would think I was mentally unstable. At that point, I was questioning my own sanity as well.
“I feel…” I hesitated before saying, “I’m fine.” Jungkook nodded. But he looked like he didn’t believe it.
“I’m glad that it’s not raining today.” I said, “Maybe, we can go out? Take a walk?”
“No.” Jungkook said sharply, a sudden terror reflected in his eyes. Then, he turned to me and his expression turned soft, “I don’t think you’re quite fit for the job presently, love.”
Then, he left to prepare my lunch. Just like the day before, I had to have lunch alone. But this time, he sat beside me while I eat, looking at me with somewhat fondness.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” I asked.
“I already had mine.” He said.
I was still questioning his behaviors. He was being such a gentleman, taking care of me all alone without any help. Giving me a place to stay when I needed it the most. But there was still a little bit of suspicion I couldn’t get rid of.
I felt weaker than I did the day before. I kept sitting most of the time. Jungkook offered to read me a poetry. I found his voice much more soothing than the poem itself. He could be reading the worst poem ever written in history. But I would still enjoy it as much.
When Jungkook left me to prepare the dinner table, I was walking around to explore some more territory by myself. But the more I walked, the dizzier my head got. At a point, my knees gave up and I started to fall.
But before I could actually touch the ground, Jungkook was already by my side, holding me firmly on his arms. I could see his face from up close. He was genuinely worried about me.
“Love,” he called softly.
I nodded to let him know that I was still conscious. He lifted me up in a bridal style and carried me towards my bedroom. I looked at him earnestly. I needed to ask it or I wouldn’t be able to rest.
“Was it you?” I whispered, “Or was it a dream?”
Jungkook put me to bed slowly. Then, he looked me in the eyes and said, “It was me, alright. But so was your dream.”
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I woke up in the middle of the night. I felt better than before. I looked around searching for Jungkook. But there was no one in my bedroom.
“Why wouldn’t he come tonight?” I thought, “Was he worried about my health?” Whatever he was doing to me, I could feel it was making me weak. But I still wouldn’t want it to stop.
I walked out of my room. He was nowhere to be seen, not in the living room nor in the library. I walked towards the direction I believed was his bedroom. He wasn’t there either. At that time, I heard the sound of the front gate opening.
I thought he might have went out. So, I followed the previous route I took to get inside and was already in front of the main door. It was wide open. This time I was sure he had gone out.
“But why at this time?” I thought. Hesitantly I went out to check the matter myself. It was a moonlit night. So, there was enough light to see through the woods. I walked around for a while when the howling of the wolves started.
I got scared. But I had already walked a long way from the mansion. I sped up and started to head back. The noises kept coming nearer. I started to run. But the wolves seemed to be just beside me. As I glanced sideways, I saw a wolf jumping right at me.
I fell down, eyes closed and heart beating up to my throat. But the wolf hadn’t touch me. As I looked up, I saw Jungkook. He was standing in between me and the pack of wolves. I couldn’t see his face properly since his back was towards me.
Then, with a hissing sound, he leapt towards the wolves. All the wolves were jumping at him one at a time. But he was invincible. He was dodging almost every attack from the wolves.
I couldn’t make out most of the fight. There was chaos all around. I couldn’t even move a muscle in fear. One of the wolves bit Jungkook on his neck and he screamed in pain. I got up to go near him. But at that moment, what I saw scared me to death.
I looked at Jungkook in disbelief. His face bore the expression of a wild beast. His eyes were scarlet and glowing in the moonlight. Blood was dripping from his mouth.
Our eyes met for a moment. He seemed to have seen the fear in my eyes. I took a step back. His face softened. He tried to walk towards me, mouthing the word, ‘love’.
I turned back and ran.
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I ran until I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t know where I was going. As I ran, all the memories from the mansion kept replaying in my head.
I never saw Jungkook eat or rest. He was terrified at the idea of going out. All of his room had thick curtains and they blocked the sunlight. His red eyes, his wild expression, the blood in his mouth…
I eventually lost consciousness and fell down on the ground. When I woke up again I was back at the mansion. I was lying on my bed while Jungkook sat at the very corner, looking at me.
I sat up quickly. His face was back to normal again. But I still couldn’t shake off the fear.
“Welcome back, love.” he said. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer. I looked out of the window where the curtains were drawn back. The moon was huge tonight.
Jungkook’s voice sounded very serious when he said, “You don’t have to be scared. The wolves won’t bother you anymore.”
I slowly nodded. I didn’t know whom I was more scared of, the wolves or my savior himself.
“Your car had been repaired.” He announced.
Then, he did something quite unexpected. He came to sit closer to me and took both of my hands in his. He looked me in the eyes and said, “You are free to go, love.”
“What have you done to me?” I was in tears.
“I know I have hurt you.” He whispered, “But trust me, I did it because I had no other choice.”
I started to sob. In between all of this mess, there was a kind of comfort I thought I had found. But my hope of an eternity together with this stranger I started to care about, was hanging by a thread.
“I’m so sorry that at some point, I started to care for you. It could have ended easily if I didn’t.” he said. I looked at his eyes. They were full of sorrow and regret.
“What are you?” I asked finally.
“I think you already know that, love.”
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I stayed awake in my bed. It had been a while since Jungkook left. I couldn’t sleep. The thought of leaving this mansion for good had surrounded me. I was in despair.
I didn’t know for sure how Jungkook was feeling. But he had said he started to care about me even if it was not supposed to have happened. I didn’t know about my own feeling as well. All I knew was that even if it wasn’t love, I was madly craving for him. What could it be? Desire, lust or infatuation?
Love was a complete foreign idea to me. All my life, I had only needs and wants. And I did everything to have them. Now I felt I needed Jungkook. I needed him to care for me. I needed him to make me feel at home. I needed him to do whatever it was that he did.
I had made up my mind. I went to his room. He was sitting up with a book in his hand. He looked at me in confusion.
“I thought I made it clear.” Jungkook said, “You can leave tomorrow.”
“What if I refuse?” I asked. Jungkook’s eyes opened wide. He looked as if he never expected that answer.
“You told me earlier that I was free to go. Does that also mean that I’m free to stay as well?” I asked again.
He shook his head, “I don’t think you understand, love. It’s dangerous. We are two very different things. You can’t live with me.”
“I know,” I said and climbed on to his bed, “Make me just like you.”
“Love!” he whispered, looking hurt by my words.
“I understand how you’re feeling about it. But let me tell you something honestly about me.” I moved closer and took his hands on mine like he had done earlier.
Then, I said all the things I had always wanted to tell a friend, someone who would understand me, someone who would care. Jungkook was the closest I ever had to a friend.
“I don’t have anyone or anything to return to.” I finished by asking him, “Will you accept me to be a part of your world?”
Jungkook chuckled, “I think I should be the one asking you that.” Then, his eyes lit up. It turned bright red as he came closer to whisper in my ear, “So, will you be my bride for an eternity, love?”
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