For All My Friends I Know IRL And Those That Want To Enjoy A Bit Of My Daily Chaos, Let Me Present To

For all my friends I know IRL and those that want to enjoy a bit of my daily chaos, let me present to you:

OUT OF CONTEXT QUOTES FROM THE ASTRONOMY CLASSROOM

(Discussing why they need to recover your body in antarctica)

Teacher: - But anyways, death aside- (Goes into particle physics)

@renon4224: Hold up, what?

Teacher: Well if you die in antarctica your body will be dissected to find out why you died.

@renon4224: Then why aren’t we researching the sahara for the extreme heat?

Teacher: If you die in the sahara you will be eaten before we find you. NOW BACK TO THEORETICAL PHYSICS-

---

Ginger (During a test): Does Nano stand for nine zeros or nine decimal places?

Teacher: Shhhhhhhh

Ginger: But-

Teacher: Holds up nine fingers and nods

Ginger: …Helpful. Very helpful.

---

@endo-bunny: (Chilling in the room before she goes to class) Teacher, if you could be any kind of penguin what kind would you be?

Teacher: Hopefully a dead one, that sounds like a miserable existence.

---

Teacher: There is one shape that works in the arctic, and that is Round™. If the animal is not imitating a sphere, there is something wrong with it.

---

(Arguing about the shape of a galaxy)

@silnebula: Its a penguin! The general shape is a penguin!

Ginger: Its clearly a hummingbird!

@silnebula: No, that’s a penguin!

Ginger: @silnebula look at the breast. If your penguin is that skinny your penguin is dead.

---

Ginger: If you didn’t obsessively research spaghettification, what sort of childhood did you have?

@renon4224: My mom died.

---

Ginger: So basically, somebody gave the scientists crayons and we can’t take them away.

Teacher: …Yeah pretty much.

---

Ginger: (Discussing the Nice model) So basically, Jupiter and Saturn are fighting and Uranus and Neptune went and made a mess in the ball pit

Teacher: And probably lost their anonymous sibling forever along the way, yes. And then Jupiter started stealing all the toys and wouldn’t give them back.

---

Ginger: …Why does Jupiter look microwaved?

---

Teacher: Yeah that was a big contribution to WWII, the Soviet Union wanted the deepest hole and gave us the middle finger over this.

Ginger: 𝅘𝅥𝅮My hole’s bigger than yours is𝅘𝅥𝅮

---

Teacher: I don’t make the rules. If you don’t like them then topple the IAU’s dictatorship.

Class Clown: They can’t be dictators if they’re dead

@silnebula: NO.

---

Class Clown: But if you come to school sick you’ll get all the kids sick

Teacher: Didn’t you ever learn how to share?

---

Class Clown: Are you going to keep this out on the counter?

Teacher: Nobody has died from it yet. (It’s a small newton’s cradle.)

---

Teacher: Only two cars and three students were hit by the train while I was there.

Physics Student: …What?

Teacher: Sacrifices must be made to the observatory.

---

@renon4224: Actually, Hel is beautiful on one side

Ginger: And freezing cold on the other.

@renon4224: Isn’t that just the definition of a teenage girl?

---

Ginger: VENUS IS A PLANET! IT SHARES NOTHING BUT THE NAME WITH THE GOD

@renon4224: LOOK AT HOW HOT SHE IS THOUGH!

---

Ginger: Let’s justs steal metal from Venus’s atmosphere!

Teacher: There are better things to shield with than lead.

@renon4224: We can’t have children eating the spaceships.

---

@renon4224: How would you feel if you had to genetically modify your kids!

Smart Kid: That’s what orphans are for.

---

Principal: How’re we doing today?

@renon4224: Smart Kid wants to modify orphans and put them on mars.

Ginger: We’re turning the foster system into aliens.

---

Ginger: That’s why you build a ring out of the junk in orbit

Teacher: Ah yes. A space station made out of screwdrivers, bolts, and toilets.

@renon4224: How does a toilet end up in space?

Teacher: It fell off!

---

Ginger: If I had a nickel for every toilet orbiting the earth, I would have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it's still weird that it happened twice.

---

Teacher: The sand should be cool enough now to return the snake to it.

Ginger: Don’t cook the snake:

Teacher: Why?

@renon4224: Because it’s a beautiful creature!

Ginger: *At the same time* Because they don’t taste good.

---

Teacher: Yeah most chemists don’t consider Beryllium a metal, that’s an astronomy bias.

Ginger: Well does it taste like a metal?

Teacher: …No.

Ginger: Then its not a metal.

@renon4224: How many metals are you eating?!?

Ginger: …

Ginger: Yes.

---

Ginger: Teacher if you keep making us do math we’re gonna make you the next sacrifice to the nearest observatory.

Teacher: *Cackles*

--- Ginger: But chinchillas are cute!

Teacher: Not when they’re filled with flies and maggots. I found food and water and corpses when I came back.

---

Teacher: Chinchillas are just oversized cat food.

---

Teacher: *fumbles his goggles and knocks them across the desk twice, has a glass dish shatter from liquid nitrogen, and turns around just in time to watch the egg he flash froze shatter on the floor and get the still liquid yolk everywhere.*

Ginger: It is not your day, is it.

Teacher: Apparently not.

---

@renon4224: What does a spaghettified planet taste like?

Teacher: Rocks.

Ginger: Hey! That’s my question!

---

Teacher: I’m debating whether or not to inform a student’s parents on his possession or waiting for the second encounter to inform them that they need to call an exorcist.

Ginger: Anyone in our class?

Teacher: No. Sophomore, 6th period. His demons got to him and he was terrorizing his classmates.

Ginger: Huh. Usually he’s at least somewhat stable.

---

Ginger and @silnebula: Discussing Bob (Iputas)’s death in percy jackson and the sadness of it

Teacher: That is not what I think of when I hear the name Bob.

@silnebula: Well what do you think about?

Teacher: Pulls up a picture of mirror mask This?

Collective students: Shrieks and loud sounds of horror. WHAT IS THAT? W H A T I S T H A T?

---

Teacher: So I only have two people with notes today?

Ginger: What about me?

Teacher: You’re not a people, you’re a document.

---

Ginger: Vive la pluto! Make the solarsystem great again!

---

Teacher: There’s always a hole in the sun, that’s what it does.

---

Teacher: Just use Windows+shift+S

Ginger: …I use a mac.

Teacher: Well then your life is worthless.

---

Ginger: Is it ethical? No. But it's funny and you might learn something.

---

Teacher: And what causes magnetic fields in gas giants?

Ginger: … Spinning?

Teacher: Spinning what?

Ginger: … Left.

---

Teacher: I don’t do things with option keys. Options are evil.

---

@renon4224: Can we egg the IAU?

Ginger: … Field trip?

@renon4224: I was kidding-

Ginger: What are they gonna charge us with if they catch us? Biowarfare?

---

Teacher: The IAU is located in Geneva that seems like an expensive trip

Ginger: Oh even better we can break the Geneva convention while we’re there.

Ginger: All we need is a flamethrower.

@renon4224: Ginger we’re not raising Arsonists.

Ginger: (looking at the rest of the class) Too late.

---

Teacher: The last time I did a Kahoot it ended in three concussions and two broken chromebooks. It’s a bad idea.

---

Ginger: So if you had some bad experience with Kahoot but you haven’t said anything about… Jedi? Wait no-

Teacher: Yes, jedi. It was horrible, life alteringly bad experience.

Ginger: I MEANT JEAPORDY!

Teacher:... Also, yes. Bad experiences. Maybe one day I’ll tell you.

---

@renon4224: You had a bad experience with Jedi?

Teacher: Yes. It involved a scary lack of anaethetic. (he never did explain)

---

Ginger: Comments, questions, concerns?

Teacher: … possible institutionalization recommendations.

---

Ginger: (Acting out a scene from a book she read) If you’re going to kill someone, do it outside. Looking at you, (most likely person to murder.)

Ginger: Murders outside only. Got it.

Ginger: (Feigning concern for character change.) Or maybe no murders at all!?!

@silnebula: (Giggling uncontrollably at Ginger’s insanity.)

Teacher: That’s asking a lot.

---

(Person on a video makes a face)

Ginger: Eww. Don’t move your jaw like that.

@renon4224: Fix his face.

Teacher: So aside from the freak on tv-

---

@renon4224: Is Niel deGrass Tyson still alive?

Teacher: Yes.

@renon4224: … I can fix that.

---

Teacher: I have long suspected that if you put a camera on a scientist it warps their brain in unimaginable ways and strange ways.

---

Ginger: Teacher is a strange and eldritch being sent to punish us for our wicked ways.

@silnebula: … Is the punishment math?

Ginger: Probably. And bad grades.

---

Ginger: Why don’t we use the graph if it has more information?

Teacher: Because graphs scare people.

---

Ginger: What does a shrimp have to be depressed about? Did his wife leave him?

---

@renon4224: How does a star have blackbody radiation if its not black?

Ginger: (Exasperated snarling)

@renon4224: Don’t do that, it reminds me of the demon in the closet.

---

Teacher: Nope, all the technetium comes from a thorium cow in California and they milk the cow and get the technetium and send it to hospital.

---

@endo-bunny: Can I eat God?

Ginger: I like my God alive.

@endo-bunny: …I like my God scrambled.

---

Teacher: We ready for more math?

Ginger: I’m ready for a breakdown.

Teacher: Speaking of breakdown, Beryllium-

---

Ginger: Hand me a knife I have a dead guy to thrown down with on the steps of heaven

---

Ginger: Why are you cuddling the skeleton?

Teacher: Because its in my way.

@renon4224: Then move it?

Teacher: Its not that in the way yet.

---

Ginger: Retirement? I just did a report on retirement in JMG!

Teacher: But these ones you don’t have to save money for.

Ginger: What type of 401k does a Star get?

Teacher: Nuclear fusion.

---

Teacher: The sun is actually 40% brighter than it was when the earth was formed.

Ginger: Is that why I burn so easily? I’m a dinosaur?

Teacher: …… (Spraybottles)

---

Ginger: Imagine if aliens are watching us and just. Amused.

Ginger: “Why are the hairless apes screaming into the bottomless pit? Shhh, let them be curious.”

Ginger: “They’re making good progress! They’re a little unsteady, but so far they’ve made it to the edge of their back yard and have found Rocks!”

---

Teacher: When you get into the weirder theories for black holes, things get… strange.

Ginger: Eldritch gods?

Teacher: Yes.

---

Ginger: I want to become one with the fuzzball

@renon4224: We cannot feed the fuzzball with our bodies.

Ginger: I’ll feed the fuzzball with your body then sacrifice myself to the Fuzzball

@silnebula: I want to be sacrificed!

Class Clown: We can feed Smart Kid’s Orphans to the fuzzball.

@renon4224: No! We’re not feeding the orphans to the Fuzzball.

Class Clown: Who is gonna miss them? Their parents?

---

Teacher: If we get a turtle we can put the turtle corpse skeleton in there with it to traumatize it.

---

Teacher: I can fix the Geese’s weight, I have lead.

---

Physics Student: (Pointing at the list for future Zoology creatures) Gargoyles?

@renon4224: That’s for the kids who can’t be trusted around animals

Teacher: Their job is to polish it daily and sacrifice a pidgeon to it daily

@silnebula: Clean the alter of the gargoyle with a toothbrush.

---

@renon4224: If you get geese and goats in the classroom you can eat them when they die!

---

Teacher: Unfortunately, there is no law of conservation of pain. Just because you torture one thing does not mean the torture will come back to you.

@renon4224: …Therefore I can torture you, consequence free?

---

@renon4224: If you kill me to take a slice of my skin, its just carbohydrates

Ginger: Who says we have to kill you?

@renon4224: Well it wouldn’t be given willingly.

Ginger: We can obtain it unwillingly just as well without killing you.

Teacher: That’s what chloroform is for.

For All My Friends I Know IRL And Those That Want To Enjoy A Bit Of My Daily Chaos, Let Me Present To

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