I Used To Think The Fact That My Parents Treat Me Differently Than My Other Siblings Is Because Im The

i used to think the fact that my parents treat me differently than my other siblings is because im the middle child who's also a daughter

now i know it's just because im a disappointment

oh my god, i was fucking FOUR

A few weeks ago a 15-year-old called me “Grandma” for being able to remember when the first Twilight film came out, and I still haven’t mentally or emotionally processed this

some people will have to learn how to appreciate you by losing you

there is a day that Alice decides it would be a good idea to go to a nighttime water park and dresses everyone up in High Fashion™ swimsuits. the results? Bella lets Emmett catapult her off a waterslide, Jasper accidentally stays under too long and scares a lifeguard, Carlisle has to fake-revive him, Esme catches Bella and they have to fake twelve medical emergencies to not get their dumbasses exposed. the others use eyedrops as fake tears, curtsey of eddie boy

rosalie and alice are ‘tanning’ quietly and drinking deer blood out of a margarita glass when emmett and jasper sneak up behind them with buckets of water. rosalie gets so mad she rips off jaspers arm and launches it into the waterfall volcano. when it erupts it hits some kid in the head and jasper has to pretend it’s a prosthesis. it’s a whole thing.

this is the hot dog man of destiny

once every 15.5 years this man will fend off all darkness for you

reblog in 12 seconds or you will never feel happiness again

giving twilight characters new heights

am i the only one who hates the fact that alice is four foot eleven? everytime i see canary of the cullens where alice goes by her book height, looking so small next to literally everyone else, i automatically think

a cHiLd????

the heights in the twilight books are so whack: every male is over six foot two (men in the 1600s certainly weren't that tall, in carlisles case); rosalie, bella, and esme are the only ones with actual heights that made sense

so here's the heights im giving them based off how i really see them being:

carlisle: five foot seven or five foot eifhteight (the average height for men in the 1600s was about five foot six, but i can see him being slightly taller for that time being)

esme: five foot five

edward: five foot nine

rosalie: five foot nine, you can literally try to pry it from my fingers, but i refuse to think she's anything but this. she's a top, and every top i know is tall

emmett: six foot or six foot one. he really gives me the tallest vibes, but i can't see him being so aggressively tall. i know someone irl who looks and acts a lot like emmett that's around six foot one, and it just gives me such em vibes. will rub his height in edward and carlisle's faces

alice: i see her as five foot three, just barely smaller than esme and bella. smeyer had so many pedophilic innuendos in twilight, and there's a good chance the height difference may be part of that, since alice is shorter than my twelve year old brother. i don't see her being that painstakingly short, but just slightly smaller than average

jasper: five foot ten. i refuse to believe he's over in the six foot territory, no matter how canon it may be. ge just fives me five foot ten vibes

bella: home girl's five foot four or five foot five

bonus:

jacob: five foot eight. edward probably keeps making short jokes about him and jacob has to remind him that they're literally an inch apart

leah: five foot eight, again, every top i know is on the taller side of female average heights

seth: he'd grow to be five foot nine

reseesemenenene: she's be five foot two, and alice would never shut up about finally being taller than someone

aro: five inches tall