WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

When I'm in a bad mood, I take time to journal about what has upset me?  I ask a series of questions ..

What is upsetting me?

What caused this upset to happen?

What should I do to resolve this upset?

How do I feel at the time of this writing?

Can I live with the upset and that which caused me to become upset?

What to do I gain by becoming upset?

What would I give up to stop feeling upset like this?

What would I gain if I stopped responding this way?

What do I want?

I then take a nap and fall asleep.  The questions, solutions, wants are subconsciously processed . New possibilities surface, and that which caused me to become upset ceases to upset me any more.

In the political arena, how does Obama show positive leadership in handling the fiscal cliff for the benefit of the greater good of all, when the Republican leadership (as well as the Democratic leadership with its principles) refuses to consider any plan that involves raising taxes, or essentially breaking the Norquist Mandate. Does good leadership in this case mean compromising to meet the mandated deadline? Or does it mean sticking to one's principle? Or a combination of both? 3rdmurnau

There are a couple of different things I could talk about concerning this question.  I could talk about the different types of leadership:

Great Leadership, 

Positive Leadership,

Good Leadership,

OK Leadership,

Bad Leadership,

Negative Leadership, and

Dark Leadership

But these styles of leadership are only a method to reaching the goal, they are not the goal in itself.  

The goal as many would have you believe is to fix the fiscal cliff.  But is that really the goal, or is someone just trying to control the conversation?  What is the real problem and is that the goal?

Could the real goal be to move social security and medicare insurance into the private sector?  And what would happen if these organizations were privatized? Why do Republicans want military spending to go up? Why do Republicans believe that too many people are abusing the system - choose your system, including voter fraud. Maybe the real goal is to develop a stable economy, where everyone can prosper? But this goal would require the government to return to it's former practices of redistributing wealth, in order to benefit all, not just a few.

Compromise will come once we understand what the goals are. This is the unfortunate part, since the intent of the Democratic party and the Republican party may not be the same.  And to-date, the Republican party has been unwilling to budge on even those points which they have in common with the Democratic party. It's become an all or nothing atmosphere.

So, how should President Obama lead in this instance. The President has the ability to influence not only the Republicans and the Democrats in the House and Senate, but also those at all levels of government. While the President is charged with upholding the laws passed by Congress, he usually isn't fully funded to administrate all of them.  We saw this when is informed his personnel and the public that certain individuals would no longer be sought after for deportation. 

Another way that the President could lead in this instance is to take his case to the general public.  While most people believe that the President only influences the House and Senate, he has clearly demonstrated that he can influence the general public to "Get Out To Vote!" Through an information campaign, or as  mentioned before, take control of the conversation and reshape how the public perceives the problem, the goal, and the steps towards achieving that goal.

Since, information is power, the President can do what he has been doing all long very well: outline the facts, provide the options, and discuss his plan on how we can pressure the House and the Senate to move.  Letter writing campaigns can be very effective when it comes to getting representatives to move at all levels of government, especially when their whole party is at stake of being overturned.

Now should President Obama allow Norquist Mandate to go into effect?  While at first this might seem like a bad thing, it could also be like a parent telling their children that if they don't straighten up, then the punishment will be a night in their room without dinner.  As harsh as it may seem, children usually get the message the first time around when you stick to your strategy. So, the worst that could happen is that the American public becomes upset with their representatives and decides to vote them out of office.  

And if these groups of people don't want to wait till the next election for that representative's due date, then they can gather the necessary signatures for a petition and vote them out early using a recall election.  I, though, doubt that President Obama would publicly call for this type of grass roots action be taken, but it may be necessary in the next year to adjust the House and Senate to remove the blocks, and get the Republicans to come to the table.

I think right now the Republicans have a very hard decision to make. Stick to their principles and wants, or watch their constituents turn on them and remove them one by one or on mass.  Personally, I'm for the on mass option, as they would get the message that much faster.

How deep does the lotus blossom's color run through your curiosity?

Dalai Lama

We need to understand the inadequacy of an educational system so slanted towards material values. The solution is not to give an occasional lecture, but to integrate ethics into the educational curriculum. To do this effectively requires a secular ethics, free of religious influence, based on common sense, a realistic view and scientific findings.

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I don't believe that this post is from the Dalai Lama. What stands out is that the Dalai Lama is making several judgments, which he would never do. The Dalai Lama projects a vision about what education could be. The judgments are: inadequacy of an educational system, slanted towards material values, not to give an occasional lecture, and secular ethics free of religious influence based on common sense. The vision of a better education system looks at the problem of getting young minds to engage in the process of discovery. For example, how does a lotus blossom's color come to be? What minerals are needed? How do these minerals move through the flower? What role does water, mud, sun, and surrounding environment play?What sounds are made as a lotus grows? What do cross sections of the flower look like if drawn by hand?  If the child were curious about just a flower and nothing else, how could this motivation to learn as much about a flower as possible be used to shoe horn in other subjects needed to study the flower .. like reading, writing, composition, comprehension, science, art, music, competition, ecology, and so on. The vision is to improve education. How then does judging and deeming it inadequate help? This creates two, separate, and unequal parts. It is better to point towards the flower, and say, "There is only 1, when two are of the same mind".  The master guides the student's curiosity and discovery.

6 Tips on How to “Partner” with a Corporation

Below are steps to consider, with suggested reading material, concerning building partnerships with corporations.  There are many more factors involved than are described here, which present themselves through the suggested reading material.  And for transparency, this post was influenced by another post ...

Safeway Foundation: 6 Tips on How to “Partner” with a Corporation

http://thirdsectortoday.com/2013/09/09/partner-safeway/#comment-19

Step 1 - Marketing - identifying your suspects, making your target audience aware of your organization's goals, through initial / personal contact letters. Those looking to understand in greater depth what suspects, prospects should read: - "Crossing the Chasm" (1946), Geoffrey A Moore, ISBN 0-88730-717-5. - "Little Black Book of Connections" (2006), Jeffrey Gitmoer, ISBN 1-885167-66-0. - "Online Marketing Research" (2001), Joshua Grossnickle and Oliver Raskin, ISBN 0-07-136114-6 - "Strategies for e-Business" (2005), Tawfik Jelassi and Albrecht Enders, ISBN 0-273-68840-5

Step 2 - Breaking the Ice - connecting with your prospect in person, and engaging in a discussion about what motivates / drives them. When where why and how do they choose to engage in an alliance, supporter role, sponsorship or a partnership with another organization. And most importantly, how can your organization help them with their fund raising and marketing efforts? - "The Art of Mingling" (1992), Jeanne Martinet, ISBN 0-312-08316-5 - "Questions that Sell" (2006), Paul Cherry, ISBN 978-0-8144-7339-9 - "Power Questions" (2012), Andrew Sobel and Jerold Panas, ISBN 978-1-118-11963-1

Step 3 - ReUse, Rinse, and Repeat Step 2 again, and again in successive meetings. This builds familiarity and confidence in both organizations. "I can trust you can be there, you can trust that I will be there." Sales people loose patients. Marketers know that it takes 7 different meeting points before a suspect will become a prospect. Also, during this time you can "Qualify" your suspect - "Make sure they are a fit for partnership with your organization." You may find that they have a dirty little secret that could damage your organization.

Step 4 - Small proposals - Using information gleaned in Step 3, write a strong proposal for your prospect. Proposals describe the prospects current situation, desired results and benefits that will receive when they complete the project. Each proposals is tailored uniquely for a particular prospect. No two proposals are identical, since each client has their own set of hot button issues and evaluation criteria. Propose a small project to test how well both of you can work together. Can "YOU" co-coordinate a project? - "Writing Winning Business Proposals" (1995), Richard C. Freed et.al., ISBN 0-07-021924-9 Step 5 - The First commitment – To prepare, start by reviewing books on fund raising, project management, motivating followers and leadership. John C. Maxwell makes a good point in his book, "When you can lead a group of people who have no reason to follow you, you are a leader" - "The Everything Fund Raising Book" (2003), Rich Mintzer, ISBN 1-58062-953-9 - "PMBOK" (2004), Global Standard, ISBN978-1-930399-45-8 - "Organizational Behavior" (2007), Stephen P. Robbins & Timothy A Judge, ISBN 0-13-189095-6 - "Motivating & Rewarding Employees" (1999), Alexander Hiam, ISBN 1-58062-130-9 - "1001 Ways to Reward Employees" (2005), Bob Nelson, ISBN 0-7611-3681-9 - "Leadership 101" (2002), John C. Maxwell, ISBN 0-7852-6419-1,

Step 6 - Joint rights and responsibilities - Who is responsible for what when where and how? Many of the books above will prepare you for who needs to do what, this is part of Project Management. One point here is that of Cross Marketing. The organization you are partnering with is helping you to raise awareness and/or funding for you, and you are raising awareness of how they are helping you, which will bolster their bottom line ... In other words, if you help them sell more product, you help them pay you more money. It's a simple reciprocal equation. - "Contracts" (2010), Richard Stim, ISBN 978-1-4133-1281-2

Step 7 - Meeting Regularly & Mixing It Up! - No one likes change, and no one likes repetition - it becomes stale, dull and boring. This is similar to Step 3 - ReUse, Rinse, and Repeat. Each organization's situation changes, and it is important to stay on top of these changes and how they will affect both organizations. You will need to continue using Step 3's wisdom to insure that Step 4's proposals are relevant.

Why do people need guidance?

The most prominent reason why people need guidance is because they don't know everything.  Think about that for a moment.  How much do you know, and how much do you not know?  And who is out there to take advantage of that, and who's out there to help you not be taken advantage of?

If you need something to really help you understand this point, "How much don't you know?", open a yellow pages phone book and look at all the categories that products and services are grouped into.  How many could you do and how many can't you do?

Now, let's assume that you have all the time in the world to learn every single thing there is that a human can do.  Would you want to? Or would you choose instead to spend your time doing some of the things that were the most fun for you to do?  For example, would you really want to be a mortician?  Or would you want to be a pilot of the space shuttle?  Or would you want to teach people how to be better leaders?

It is this every reason, that we can't know everything, that there we need leaders.  That at any moment you could step into an auto-mechanics shop and ask, "What's wrong with my car?"  In that very moment, the auto-mechanic has become a leader. He is explaining to you what is wrong with your care, providing you with information about what is needed to fix your car, and helping you make informed decision that require a balance between cost and long term reliability.

But not all guidance is equal, the same, or even meant to be guidance. Some people who are seeking guidance some times come in contact with people who wish to take advantage of their innocence. These people misdirect those looking for guidance.  Just as easily there are those looking for guidance who are doing so under false pretenses.  In either case this is where the intentions are not congruent with your understanding of their intentions.  And, in addition, there are others who see a benefit to helping some people with achieving their goal, because it will help them achieve a larger goal afterwards.

There are many examples of people seeking guidance only to be swindled by con-artists. The con-artists watch for people seeking guidance, and misdirect them into all kinds of trouble for their own personal gain.  While, one image of a con-artists comes from street gambling, others could be bank fraud, unnecessary car repairs, or dental work, or so forth.  Things that you are told you need to have in order to get your car, computer, plumbing, money, safety, or other category in order, but that you really don't need.

Then there are people seeking guidance from honest people providing it only to have the guidance misused.  Examples of this behavior would be to learn to do a medical procedure, and then perform the medical procedure even though they are not licensed to perform it. Or they are representing themselves as the owner of a bank account. The bank teller helps them, only to find out later, that they were misrepresenting themselves and the bank teller helped them commit fraud.

The third kind is the person who provides guidance but seeks a bigger reward beyond the initial help provided.  Take for example an individual who joins a trail blazing team. He helps finance the trip, and at the end goes on his way to claim a buried treasure, open gold mine, dig for precious metals, or find rare artifacts. If their intentions were known upfront, the acceptance of their support may be rejected on various moral grounds.

This is why, in a free market society, the slogan has always been, "The Buyer Be Ware!"  You may think you're getting a bargain, but what you might be getting is a piece of crap.  And, since such might be the case, there are many checks and balances to insuring that the people seeking guidance and the people giving guidance are certified.

Certified guides come with a higher level of assurance that what they are providing is reputable.  And that the people who are seeking their guidance are actually seeking it, able to afford it, and are going to use it within the initial expectations for the information.  They are more expensive, since they are paying due to various organizations that audit and confirm their good behavior, as well as mediate with disgruntled clients.

A good example of a certified group is the BAR, which certifies lawyers.  If a lawyer is practicing unethically, and the BAR determines such is occurring, the lawyer will loose their law license, and be prevented from providing legal representation.  The same holds true with a medical license, a radio frequency license, and a 501c3 non-profit status.

So how do you tell if someone is telling the truth or not?  One way to determine the truth is to ask 3 independent sources.  This method is the same method used in scientific testing.  A scientist performs an experiment 3 times and gets the same results.  Then 3 other scientists perform the same experiment 3 times. If their results are the same as the first scientist, then it's probably a good bet that the original test is correct.  However, if at any time the test results are different, then the scientists have to look hard at what the differences are.

This is where the adage comes from, "An informed consumer is not fooled easily."

So the next time you ask for guidance, or are asked for guidance, consider the source of the question.  

Why are you asking for help? 

Why are you being asked for help?

What is their intention with this information?

What is the intention of the individual helping you?

Are there benefits unknown to you?

Have you asked 3 independent sources?

Become an informed consumer?

Can Leadership be Taught?

Leadership is not an innate trait built into genetic code, nor is leadership provided through the "Divine Right of Gaud".  No instead it is a natural phenomena that can be nurtured and taught.  There are many reasons why some people seem to become great leaders and others don't become leaders at all.  But that is for another article, in this article I'd like to discuss the topic of teaching individuals how to become leaders.

Leadership is guiding intent with integrity. These three qualitative values "Guiding", "Intent", and "Integrity" work together to help people choose a style of leadership that works for them personally as well as works for the group they are guiding.  The first step in teaching someone to be a leader is to help them see the vast range of methods used to guide.

Guiding someone is not an art.  Someone asks a question, you give an answer.  You point them in a direction.  You provide them with feedback on what has happened.  You console them.  The guidance provided though is based on your intent.

Your partner asks you if this looks good, how do you respond and why do you respond in that manner?  Do you tell them that they look good even when they don't?  Do you tell them that they don't look good in that outfit?  Is the outfit appropriate for the environment you are going to attend?  Or do you find another way to help them towards their goal?

Intent isn't just about your intent, it's also about their intent.  What is it that they intended for themselves.  If your partner wants to look good, then the language you use will help guide them to a better choice.  Or the language you use will trigger an emotional episode.  Is your intent to make them emotionally dependent on you, or emotionally dependent?

Finally there is integrity.  Integrity has many different synonyms that mean roughly the same thing:  accountability, ethics, morality, virtue, sound, honest, chaste, and so on.  In the sense that we will use integrity here, it is in relation to the social contract.

The social contract is the written or verbal agreement made between the leader and the follower.  The accountability determines whether or not the leader and the follower are following this social contract, and if not how are they correcting each others deviation from the contract?  Are they demanding that the contract be adhered to, are they  penalizing each other for not holding to the contract, are they talking about the contract as malleable  or are they looking at the social contract as the target they want to reach?

There are many different things that the social contract can become.  It can become a beacon of hope, or a weapon to beat each other up with.  It depends on how the contract is designed and what it is designed to do.  As this is an agreement between two people, the contract can always be re-evaluated and adjusted as needed.  But, in order for that to occur, both parties need to be willing to examine how the contract is affecting themselves and see how the contract is affecting others.

A good question to determine if the social contract or integrity of the people involved is in line, is to ask, "What is the goal?"  Many people use rules that determine a persons integrity.  Above 50% and you're good, below 50% and you're bad.  However, in many games there is the goal at end of the field.  In order to reach that goal all parties have to work together to reach it. So, if the social contract is written at the 50 yard line, then the parties involved are constantly battling over who is in integrity.  But if the social contract is written with a focus on the goal, then every play that helps everyone move towards the 100 yard becomes a positive reinforcing step in the right direction.

While the short answer is that leadership can be taught, there is a lot to learn about what affects leadership.  While looking at Guiding, Intent, Integrity, and the Goal we also learned that language and the social contract play an important role in the guidance given. We can make people dependent on us or independent on us. We can celebrate the small victories or fight over the small upsets, the question is what is used to measure progress, and where is the goal marker?