Networking - Tumblr Posts
How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional
I’ll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.
A friend invited me to a party. I don’t know said friend very well, but we’re on good terms. I said yes cause why not.
I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. She’s from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and she’s interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.
What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I don’t use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that I’d have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.
I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.
So this is what you learn from example 1:
1. Learn to associate.
When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you don’t know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?
In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand what’s happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?
2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what she’s interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.
Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.
3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.
4. When you’re leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that you’re leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you haven’t exchanged contact info yet, that’s the best way to do it. “Oh let’s catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.”
—-
Example 2. I’d gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. I’m very interested in the start up world, and he’s working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups they’re looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.
We’re on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever we’re in each other’s town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out what’s happening.
Takeaways from example 2:
5. Scratch each other’s backs. You can’t just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesn’t have to be work related. Let’s say the person you’ve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.
6. What’s important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.
So.
Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.
How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional
I’ll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.
A friend invited me to a party. I don’t know said friend very well, but we’re on good terms. I said yes cause why not.
I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. She’s from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and she’s interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.
What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I don’t use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that I’d have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.
I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.
So this is what you learn from example 1:
1. Learn to associate.
When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you don’t know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?
In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand what’s happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?
2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what she’s interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.
Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.
3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.
4. When you’re leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that you’re leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you haven’t exchanged contact info yet, that’s the best way to do it. “Oh let’s catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.”
—-
Example 2. I’d gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. I’m very interested in the start up world, and he’s working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups they’re looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.
We’re on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever we’re in each other’s town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out what’s happening.
Takeaways from example 2:
5. Scratch each other’s backs. You can’t just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesn’t have to be work related. Let’s say the person you’ve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.
6. What’s important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.
So.
Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.
How To Make Full Use of Networking Events
Networking events and conferences are great because you get to meet and learn from experts but also connect with peers. I recently attended one and I wanted to share things I wish I had done before and what I learned.
1. Define an Objective
You have to determine why exactly you want to go to the event. Are you looking for a career change? A job? Advice on how to be better at your current job? How to tackle some issues in your start up? Networking? Make a list of the reasons.
2. Research
You need to research the speakers extensively. Go over their Wikipedias, LinkedIns and other social medias. Read their company websites from top to bottom. If they’ve released a book, take a look at the summary and read the reviews. Read some of their published articles.
Take this time to prepare at least 3 questions per speaker. Try to make at unique and interesting as possible, don’t ask the usual generic ones.
3. Business Cards
Definitely carry business cards. Make sure that your email, LinkedIn is mentioned clearly. Even if you work at a different company, that doesn’t matter- show your job title on the business card. Better yet, ask your HR if they can give you business cards as you would be promoting their company through your event. If you’re a student, I’d recommend you make a portfolio website of your internships/ project/ past work/ volunteer work/ hobbies/ interests.
4. Actually Talking
During the event, don’t be shy to ask questions. It doesn’t matter whether the rest of the audience thinks they’re stupid. You have spent your money to come there for your gain. Make full use of it. Ask questions. Meet the speaker after the event. Thank them for the insight, introduce yourself, ask them questions related to your objective of coming to the conference. Exchange business cards.
5. Utilising Coffee Breaks
Coffee and lunch breaks are a great way to talk to people. You may feel shy or awkward to talk to new people, but there’s very high chances that they feel the same way. You can start off by asking someone how they heard about the event, what they thought of the speaker, or pass a remark on the question they asked the speaker. Keep in mind that if the event has multiple speakers, there could be a chance that you’re talking to a speaker, even if you don’t recognise them… so be on your best behaviour.
6. Questions
Ask questions that are beneficial to you. During my conference, we had a women-leaders panel. An audience member asked the speakers how they divided their work between family and work. The speakers looked visibly annoyed at the question - because how generic is that?
Ask questions that could help you grow. If you’re in marketing, ask about their tried and tested marketing strategies. If you’re an early stage founder, ask them how they sourced their VC. If you’re struggling with time management, ask the speakers how they manage. Ask the questions for YOUR own benefit.
You can ask difficult questions but make sure you do it respectfully and tactfully. Best to start with a compliment and then ease into the question.
7. Dressing
Business casual, unless mentioned otherwise. What this means: blazer/ jackets/ trousers/ pencil skirts/ shirt/ co-ord sets/ no sneakers.
It doesn’t matter what other people wear. The way you present yourself is your brand. It also shows the respect you have for the other person - you respect them enough to not come shabbily dressed.
How To Make Full Use of Networking Events
Networking events and conferences are great because you get to meet and learn from experts but also connect with peers. I recently attended one and I wanted to share things I wish I had done before and what I learned.
1. Define an Objective
You have to determine why exactly you want to go to the event. Are you looking for a career change? A job? Advice on how to be better at your current job? How to tackle some issues in your start up? Networking? Make a list of the reasons.
2. Research
You need to research the speakers extensively. Go over their Wikipedias, LinkedIns and other social medias. Read their company websites from top to bottom. If they’ve released a book, take a look at the summary and read the reviews. Read some of their published articles.
Take this time to prepare at least 3 questions per speaker. Try to make at unique and interesting as possible, don’t ask the usual generic ones.
3. Business Cards
Definitely carry business cards. Make sure that your email, LinkedIn is mentioned clearly. Even if you work at a different company, that doesn’t matter- show your job title on the business card. Better yet, ask your HR if they can give you business cards as you would be promoting their company through your event. If you’re a student, I’d recommend you make a portfolio website of your internships/ project/ past work/ volunteer work/ hobbies/ interests.
4. Actually Talking
During the event, don’t be shy to ask questions. It doesn’t matter whether the rest of the audience thinks they’re stupid. You have spent your money to come there for your gain. Make full use of it. Ask questions. Meet the speaker after the event. Thank them for the insight, introduce yourself, ask them questions related to your objective of coming to the conference. Exchange business cards.
5. Utilising Coffee Breaks
Coffee and lunch breaks are a great way to talk to people. You may feel shy or awkward to talk to new people, but there’s very high chances that they feel the same way. You can start off by asking someone how they heard about the event, what they thought of the speaker, or pass a remark on the question they asked the speaker. Keep in mind that if the event has multiple speakers, there could be a chance that you’re talking to a speaker, even if you don’t recognise them… so be on your best behaviour.
6. Questions
Ask questions that are beneficial to you. During my conference, we had a women-leaders panel. An audience member asked the speakers how they divided their work between family and work. The speakers looked visibly annoyed at the question - because how generic is that?
Ask questions that could help you grow. If you’re in marketing, ask about their tried and tested marketing strategies. If you’re an early stage founder, ask them how they sourced their VC. If you’re struggling with time management, ask the speakers how they manage. Ask the questions for YOUR own benefit.
You can ask difficult questions but make sure you do it respectfully and tactfully. Best to start with a compliment and then ease into the question.
7. Dressing
Business casual, unless mentioned otherwise. What this means: blazer/ jackets/ trousers/ pencil skirts/ shirt/ co-ord sets/ no sneakers.
It doesn’t matter what other people wear. The way you present yourself is your brand. It also shows the respect you have for the other person - you respect them enough to not come shabbily dressed.
How To Make Full Use of Networking Events
Networking events and conferences are great because you get to meet and learn from experts but also connect with peers. I recently attended one and I wanted to share things I wish I had done before and what I learned.
1. Define an Objective
You have to determine why exactly you want to go to the event. Are you looking for a career change? A job? Advice on how to be better at your current job? How to tackle some issues in your start up? Networking? Make a list of the reasons.
2. Research
You need to research the speakers extensively. Go over their Wikipedias, LinkedIns and other social medias. Read their company websites from top to bottom. If they’ve released a book, take a look at the summary and read the reviews. Read some of their published articles.
Take this time to prepare at least 3 questions per speaker. Try to make at unique and interesting as possible, don’t ask the usual generic ones.
3. Business Cards
Definitely carry business cards. Make sure that your email, LinkedIn is mentioned clearly. Even if you work at a different company, that doesn’t matter- show your job title on the business card. Better yet, ask your HR if they can give you business cards as you would be promoting their company through your event. If you’re a student, I’d recommend you make a portfolio website of your internships/ project/ past work/ volunteer work/ hobbies/ interests.
4. Actually Talking
During the event, don’t be shy to ask questions. It doesn’t matter whether the rest of the audience thinks they’re stupid. You have spent your money to come there for your gain. Make full use of it. Ask questions. Meet the speaker after the event. Thank them for the insight, introduce yourself, ask them questions related to your objective of coming to the conference. Exchange business cards.
5. Utilising Coffee Breaks
Coffee and lunch breaks are a great way to talk to people. You may feel shy or awkward to talk to new people, but there’s very high chances that they feel the same way. You can start off by asking someone how they heard about the event, what they thought of the speaker, or pass a remark on the question they asked the speaker. Keep in mind that if the event has multiple speakers, there could be a chance that you’re talking to a speaker, even if you don’t recognise them… so be on your best behaviour.
6. Questions
Ask questions that are beneficial to you. During my conference, we had a women-leaders panel. An audience member asked the speakers how they divided their work between family and work. The speakers looked visibly annoyed at the question - because how generic is that?
Ask questions that could help you grow. If you’re in marketing, ask about their tried and tested marketing strategies. If you’re an early stage founder, ask them how they sourced their VC. If you’re struggling with time management, ask the speakers how they manage. Ask the questions for YOUR own benefit.
You can ask difficult questions but make sure you do it respectfully and tactfully. Best to start with a compliment and then ease into the question.
7. Dressing
Business casual, unless mentioned otherwise. What this means: blazer/ jackets/ trousers/ pencil skirts/ shirt/ co-ord sets/ no sneakers.
It doesn’t matter what other people wear. The way you present yourself is your brand. It also shows the respect you have for the other person - you respect them enough to not come shabbily dressed.
Do you have any recommendations for how to network while also dealing with major anxiety issues?
It's one of those things I know I should do, but I generally don't because of social anxiety. At the last event I went to (part of a class, mandatory attendance), I made sure my instructor knew I was there, but otherwise didn't talk to anyone and left at the first opportunity to narrowly avoid a panic attack.
There's another one coming up next week (also mandatory attendance), and I want to make the most of it, but I also get so stressed out thinking about it that I start crying, and don't know where to start.
I’ll be honest. I hope you can go to therapy or counselling because this is a little above my pay grade. I’ll share what I generally do.
I make a list before any social event, be it a conference, a new friend’s dinner party, etc. I write down:
1. exactly who the target market (attendees) is (professionals, young adults, senior ranked employees etc).
2. I set a few talking points for myself and write those down.
If it’s a work event, I’ll make sure I know what’s happening in the market so that I’m up to date. If I need help with a certain issue at work - let’s say something isn’t being configured in an app because of XYZ reasons - I’ll note it down so that if I find a person working in that relevant field, I can use that both as conversation but also for my benefit.
If I’m meeting new friends, I’ll quickly go over recent pop culture, travel plans, latest in politics, newly released albums, upcoming holidays. These are generally the most common topics. If there’s something I don’t want to talk about that is generally spoken about - example, my dating life - I think of the best answer to that question beforehand.
3. I set a goal for myself.
Most of the time, my goal is to talk to at least 3 people enough to get their contact numbers.
If I end up feeling really nervous before any event, I sit in my car and listen to some meditative music, talk some deep breaths, talk to myself out loud, etc. I motivate myself the way I’d motivate a friend.
Do you have any recommendations for how to network while also dealing with major anxiety issues?
It's one of those things I know I should do, but I generally don't because of social anxiety. At the last event I went to (part of a class, mandatory attendance), I made sure my instructor knew I was there, but otherwise didn't talk to anyone and left at the first opportunity to narrowly avoid a panic attack.
There's another one coming up next week (also mandatory attendance), and I want to make the most of it, but I also get so stressed out thinking about it that I start crying, and don't know where to start.
I’ll be honest. I hope you can go to therapy or counselling because this is a little above my pay grade. I’ll share what I generally do.
I make a list before any social event, be it a conference, a new friend’s dinner party, etc. I write down:
1. exactly who the target market (attendees) is (professionals, young adults, senior ranked employees etc).
2. I set a few talking points for myself and write those down.
If it’s a work event, I’ll make sure I know what’s happening in the market so that I’m up to date. If I need help with a certain issue at work - let’s say something isn’t being configured in an app because of XYZ reasons - I’ll note it down so that if I find a person working in that relevant field, I can use that both as conversation but also for my benefit.
If I’m meeting new friends, I’ll quickly go over recent pop culture, travel plans, latest in politics, newly released albums, upcoming holidays. These are generally the most common topics. If there’s something I don’t want to talk about that is generally spoken about - example, my dating life - I think of the best answer to that question beforehand.
3. I set a goal for myself.
Most of the time, my goal is to talk to at least 3 people enough to get their contact numbers.
If I end up feeling really nervous before any event, I sit in my car and listen to some meditative music, talk some deep breaths, talk to myself out loud, etc. I motivate myself the way I’d motivate a friend.
Do you have any recommendations for how to network while also dealing with major anxiety issues?
It's one of those things I know I should do, but I generally don't because of social anxiety. At the last event I went to (part of a class, mandatory attendance), I made sure my instructor knew I was there, but otherwise didn't talk to anyone and left at the first opportunity to narrowly avoid a panic attack.
There's another one coming up next week (also mandatory attendance), and I want to make the most of it, but I also get so stressed out thinking about it that I start crying, and don't know where to start.
I’ll be honest. I hope you can go to therapy or counselling because this is a little above my pay grade. I’ll share what I generally do.
I make a list before any social event, be it a conference, a new friend’s dinner party, etc. I write down:
1. exactly who the target market (attendees) is (professionals, young adults, senior ranked employees etc).
2. I set a few talking points for myself and write those down.
If it’s a work event, I’ll make sure I know what’s happening in the market so that I’m up to date. If I need help with a certain issue at work - let’s say something isn’t being configured in an app because of XYZ reasons - I’ll note it down so that if I find a person working in that relevant field, I can use that both as conversation but also for my benefit.
If I’m meeting new friends, I’ll quickly go over recent pop culture, travel plans, latest in politics, newly released albums, upcoming holidays. These are generally the most common topics. If there’s something I don’t want to talk about that is generally spoken about - example, my dating life - I think of the best answer to that question beforehand.
3. I set a goal for myself.
Most of the time, my goal is to talk to at least 3 people enough to get their contact numbers.
If I end up feeling really nervous before any event, I sit in my car and listen to some meditative music, talk some deep breaths, talk to myself out loud, etc. I motivate myself the way I’d motivate a friend.
why do you need to socialmaxx if you already extrovert?
There’s socializing the right way and socializing the wrong way and I wanted more friends and acquaintances of different cultural backgrounds.
why do you need to socialmaxx if you already extrovert?
There’s socializing the right way and socializing the wrong way and I wanted more friends and acquaintances of different cultural backgrounds.
What do you say when you reach out to your mentors and all your latest connections once a month?
Literally copy pasting messages:
Latest connections:
If they’re my age / +5 to 8 years older I’m very casual with them.
“Hi hi just checking in! How’s life/ travel in ABC country/ latest work project going?”
“Hey! I’ll be in your city / near your workplace on this day. Free to grab a coffee?”
Mentor:
“Hi Mr XYZ! How are you doing? I was wondering if we could schedule a call as per your schedule this week?”
I have this one mentor who is SO slippery I literally have to chase him a 100 times to get a meeting. I realised that in reality, I’m a dead asset to him. He’s wasting his time talking to me. So what I do is, I make a list of questions I have (this is my finance mentor) and ask him to drop me a voice note if he has the time.
What do you say when you reach out to your mentors and all your latest connections once a month?
Literally copy pasting messages:
Latest connections:
If they’re my age / +5 to 8 years older I’m very casual with them.
“Hi hi just checking in! How’s life/ travel in ABC country/ latest work project going?”
“Hey! I’ll be in your city / near your workplace on this day. Free to grab a coffee?”
Mentor:
“Hi Mr XYZ! How are you doing? I was wondering if we could schedule a call as per your schedule this week?”
I have this one mentor who is SO slippery I literally have to chase him a 100 times to get a meeting. I realised that in reality, I’m a dead asset to him. He’s wasting his time talking to me. So what I do is, I make a list of questions I have (this is my finance mentor) and ask him to drop me a voice note if he has the time.
What do you say when you reach out to your mentors and all your latest connections once a month?
Literally copy pasting messages:
Latest connections:
If they’re my age / +5 to 8 years older I’m very casual with them.
“Hi hi just checking in! How’s life/ travel in ABC country/ latest work project going?”
“Hey! I’ll be in your city / near your workplace on this day. Free to grab a coffee?”
Mentor:
“Hi Mr XYZ! How are you doing? I was wondering if we could schedule a call as per your schedule this week?”
I have this one mentor who is SO slippery I literally have to chase him a 100 times to get a meeting. I realised that in reality, I’m a dead asset to him. He’s wasting his time talking to me. So what I do is, I make a list of questions I have (this is my finance mentor) and ask him to drop me a voice note if he has the time.
What do you say when you reach out to your mentors and all your latest connections once a month?
Literally copy pasting messages:
Latest connections:
If they’re my age / +5 to 8 years older I’m very casual with them.
“Hi hi just checking in! How’s life/ travel in ABC country/ latest work project going?”
“Hey! I’ll be in your city / near your workplace on this day. Free to grab a coffee?”
Mentor:
“Hi Mr XYZ! How are you doing? I was wondering if we could schedule a call as per your schedule this week?”
I have this one mentor who is SO slippery I literally have to chase him a 100 times to get a meeting. I realised that in reality, I’m a dead asset to him. He’s wasting his time talking to me. So what I do is, I make a list of questions I have (this is my finance mentor) and ask him to drop me a voice note if he has the time.
Socialite In Training 🦋
Go out to dinner at least once a week. Try places you’ve never been before. Make an effort to hit up as many places in your city as you can so that you will always have good recommendations for people, reviews on what’s good and what’s bad, and get to know different areas better. Obviously don’t go broke doing this. Just try to dine out as often as financially feasible for you. Be friendly with the staff and make an impression on them and trust me, the special treatment will quickly come once you become a regular.
Always dress tf up. No matter if you’re walking your dog, grocery shopping, getting your nails done, depositing a check at the bank, or making a dentist appointment. Always look cute. This doesn’t mean you need to bust out a ball gown, but make sure your clothes look good, hair is done, accessories are on, and your personal style shines bright. Don’t just put on items. Give the girls a Look.
Take multiple vacations a year. At least one should be by plane to your location of choice but if you don’t have the budget to do several far away trips per year, fill up your calendar with staycations at hotels that offer activities, resorts, spend a few days staying with some friends who are out of state, and any other getaway that appeals to you. A 2 day trip to a city that’s just a few hours drive from your house can absolutely be an amazing vacation. I do it all the time!
Expand your social circle and actually make plans with them. A trip to the nail salon with one, a joint grocery shopping trip with another, lunch at that cool place you’ve been frequenting with the third. Be a social butterfly. Make memories with people, even if they are just casual outings. If you meet someone and hit it off, text them! Make a plan to hang out and do something.
Be the flashiest and most authentic version of you. Buy the things you like and wear them with showstopping confidence. Use the phrases and slang words you like. Don’t be shy to listen to the music that is your guilty pleasure or watch your favorite shows that no one else seems to care about. Embrace every part of you and wear it proudly.
Go to all of the cool events in your area. Restaurant openings, new store openings, promotional events, community gatherings etc etc. Try to always keep fun events on your horizon. Plus it’ll give you more chances to wear those cute outfits you feel too shy to wear on a normal day just bopping around target. Those leather pants and strappy heels aren’t gonna wear themself!
Socialite In Training 🦋
Go out to dinner at least once a week. Try places you’ve never been before. Make an effort to hit up as many places in your city as you can so that you will always have good recommendations for people, reviews on what’s good and what’s bad, and get to know different areas better. Obviously don’t go broke doing this. Just try to dine out as often as financially feasible for you. Be friendly with the staff and make an impression on them and trust me, the special treatment will quickly come once you become a regular.
Always dress tf up. No matter if you’re walking your dog, grocery shopping, getting your nails done, depositing a check at the bank, or making a dentist appointment. Always look cute. This doesn’t mean you need to bust out a ball gown, but make sure your clothes look good, hair is done, accessories are on, and your personal style shines bright. Don’t just put on items. Give the girls a Look.
Take multiple vacations a year. At least one should be by plane to your location of choice but if you don’t have the budget to do several far away trips per year, fill up your calendar with staycations at hotels that offer activities, resorts, spend a few days staying with some friends who are out of state, and any other getaway that appeals to you. A 2 day trip to a city that’s just a few hours drive from your house can absolutely be an amazing vacation. I do it all the time!
Expand your social circle and actually make plans with them. A trip to the nail salon with one, a joint grocery shopping trip with another, lunch at that cool place you’ve been frequenting with the third. Be a social butterfly. Make memories with people, even if they are just casual outings. If you meet someone and hit it off, text them! Make a plan to hang out and do something.
Be the flashiest and most authentic version of you. Buy the things you like and wear them with showstopping confidence. Use the phrases and slang words you like. Don’t be shy to listen to the music that is your guilty pleasure or watch your favorite shows that no one else seems to care about. Embrace every part of you and wear it proudly.
Go to all of the cool events in your area. Restaurant openings, new store openings, promotional events, community gatherings etc etc. Try to always keep fun events on your horizon. Plus it’ll give you more chances to wear those cute outfits you feel too shy to wear on a normal day just bopping around target. Those leather pants and strappy heels aren’t gonna wear themself!
One socialite said to do a friend audit. If ladies are not ahead of where they were last year at least in one thing dump then before they back stab you as they will get jealous of you from being stagnant. Quality fresh water moves but stagnant water rots until it becomes a swamp.
If you have a beautiful female friend who is happy in her relationships and growth mindset like you … keep her. Watch out that she is stagnating in an area she might not be telling you about and back stabbing you.
“Men come and go but friends are forever” = I am physically unattractive in person. Too many beautiful ladies I know their husband is their best friend and their confident is often their therapist. There is a good reason Ginie Sayles say elite take 5 years to befriend and trust you. Since they have something to lose. New people in town but also back stabbing established losers are fast friends. There is a reason it takes a lot of time to win trustworthy quality friends in person. They are out there but this is not kindergarten, you are not 5 years old, pink unicorns aren’t real and not everyone is your friend.
Part of leveling up is that each time you grow you are going to shed friends like a snake shedding skin. A spouse is more likely to stay friends than girlfriends if you are both pretty and on a level up journey because those not on the same journey will have scarcity mindset and get jealous. You hold a mirror to the laziness of lazies so they would rather break the mirror than put the effort in hustling.
In my life my female friends change over time mostly because they get a job offer or their spouse does in another country or city and people are very mobile these days. A husband is a friend obligated to stay with me as we move to different places or stay in the same city together.
If you have a good female friend that past the test of time hold on to it as it’s precious. Most people around us are acquaintances not friends, kindergarten is over. Once you start having relationship goals and finished high school most ladies are not your friends but competition or network. Suddenly people measure each other and themselves so adult friendship is different than childhood friendship. People who mistake the two get hurt. You both have to be growing to make adult friendship work.
If you are leveling up from ugly to pretty watch all the friends not on the same journey and those not advancing stab you in the back. Ladies who don’t have an abundance mindset are lethal to your level up journey and don’t let clappers gaslight you out of how hard it is to find a trustworthy female friend if you are beautiful. The expression “it’s lonely at the top” exists for a reason.
Once a year do a friend audit. I didn’t and got stabbed in the back by ladies stagnating on their level up journey and I made excuses for them and was too lienient so they bit me. Don’t be like me and be ruthless about auditing your friends once a year.
Overcoming a tragedy counts as getting ahead. Each year they should have achieved something or are better off some how than the previous one or grew. Growth mindset people are not envious. Stagnant people are.
Credit: Maria Al Massani
One socialite said to do a friend audit. If ladies are not ahead of where they were last year at least in one thing dump then before they back stab you as they will get jealous of you from being stagnant. Quality fresh water moves but stagnant water rots until it becomes a swamp.
If you have a beautiful female friend who is happy in her relationships and growth mindset like you … keep her. Watch out that she is stagnating in an area she might not be telling you about and back stabbing you.
“Men come and go but friends are forever” = I am physically unattractive in person. Too many beautiful ladies I know their husband is their best friend and their confident is often their therapist. There is a good reason Ginie Sayles say elite take 5 years to befriend and trust you. Since they have something to lose. New people in town but also back stabbing established losers are fast friends. There is a reason it takes a lot of time to win trustworthy quality friends in person. They are out there but this is not kindergarten, you are not 5 years old, pink unicorns aren’t real and not everyone is your friend.
Part of leveling up is that each time you grow you are going to shed friends like a snake shedding skin. A spouse is more likely to stay friends than girlfriends if you are both pretty and on a level up journey because those not on the same journey will have scarcity mindset and get jealous. You hold a mirror to the laziness of lazies so they would rather break the mirror than put the effort in hustling.
In my life my female friends change over time mostly because they get a job offer or their spouse does in another country or city and people are very mobile these days. A husband is a friend obligated to stay with me as we move to different places or stay in the same city together.
If you have a good female friend that past the test of time hold on to it as it’s precious. Most people around us are acquaintances not friends, kindergarten is over. Once you start having relationship goals and finished high school most ladies are not your friends but competition or network. Suddenly people measure each other and themselves so adult friendship is different than childhood friendship. People who mistake the two get hurt. You both have to be growing to make adult friendship work.
If you are leveling up from ugly to pretty watch all the friends not on the same journey and those not advancing stab you in the back. Ladies who don’t have an abundance mindset are lethal to your level up journey and don’t let clappers gaslight you out of how hard it is to find a trustworthy female friend if you are beautiful. The expression “it’s lonely at the top” exists for a reason.
Once a year do a friend audit. I didn’t and got stabbed in the back by ladies stagnating on their level up journey and I made excuses for them and was too lienient so they bit me. Don’t be like me and be ruthless about auditing your friends once a year.
Overcoming a tragedy counts as getting ahead. Each year they should have achieved something or are better off some how than the previous one or grew. Growth mindset people are not envious. Stagnant people are.
Credit: Maria Al Massani
Social climbing tips?
The concepts of high society, etc., are really reserved for old people. You, as a young woman, don’t really belong to the generation that the highest echelons of society belong to; you belong to the same generation as their grandchildren or great-grandchildren.
Because the upper class primarily consists of white people, you have to be willing to befriend them. Is it possible to socially climb and create a network of only black people? Absolutely, but it’s not going to be easy, and the black upper class is much more exclusive and bound by more rules than the white upper class.
You have to have an education. You are not socially climbing or going far without one. The term “Mrs. Degree” came into vogue because young women who wanted to social climb would use college as the first step, sororities as the second, and a packed social calendar as the third. School is important for life, not just social climbing and working towards marriage.
You have to constantly be bettering yourself. It does you no good to wait for someone in one spot. Keep working on yourself, keep learning, and keep striving for more, and the right people will meet you on your journey. Becoming stagnant will only hurt you. Stay on your journey until you’ve seen it through to the end.
Not everyone needs to be your friend, but people do need to tolerate your presence. You can’t be insufferable; you can’t be a total ass; you have to be genuinely likable. If you want people to want to befriend you, go out of their way to vouch for you, and treat you well, you can’t act however you want and expect the world to bow at your feet. You really can’t put a price on decency and good friends are very rare.
So, in other words,
I have now obtained enough followers on tumblr dot com that I can force you all to look at my favorite image of all time