Check Out This Gorgeous Caspeter Fanart That I Commissioned The Amazingly Talented @wannastayugly (aka

Check out this gorgeous Caspeter fanart that I commissioned the amazingly talented @wannastayugly (aka theviscountjask on Twitter) to create for me.

It is based on one of my favorite scenes that I wrote in my fanfic 'Our Hands Are Tied' (specifically chapter 11) and I just LOVE how this turned out. 🥰

I LOVE that you discovered that moment because of my video :D  And that you probably weren’t the only one.  

There’s a cool feature in YouTube’s creator studio that graphs the number of views for every second of a video’s runtime so, if there’s a moment that gets replayed multiple times, then that generates a spike in views for that moment.

While the spike is less obvious now, there was actually a time when there was quite a big spike of views for that scene in my video. So people must have replayed it a lot to see if it was actually Caspian's arm or something :D

Not enough people are talking about this Caspeter scene so I’m just going to fix that right now…

When I realised this brief two second moment is actually Caspian’s arm around Peter, helping him to stand… well it just made me very happy, okay :’)

Why could you not give us a better shot of this scene Andrew Adamson??

This is immediately followed by Caspian giving Peter a friendly bolstering pat on the back but, in my my mind, this scene ends differently. Instead, Caspian’s arm lingers around Peter for a moment once he’s standing, wanting to make the most of this brief moment of closeness before the duel resumes.

Not enough people are talking about this Caspeter scene so I’m just going to fix that right now…

When I realised this brief two second moment is actually Caspian’s arm around Peter, helping him to stand… well it just made me very happy, okay :’)

Why could you not give us a better shot of this scene Andrew Adamson??

This is immediately followed by Caspian giving Peter a friendly bolstering pat on the back but, in my my mind, this scene ends differently. Instead, Caspian’s arm lingers around Peter for a moment once he’s standing, wanting to make the most of this brief moment of closeness before the duel resumes.

🌟 You Are My Destiny 🌟 - A Caspeter Playlist

A small tribute to @equixen's new fanfic "Our Hands Are Tied" 🫶

True Love - P!nk

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say / Sometimes I wanna slap you on your whole face / There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down / I know life would suck without you / At the same time I wanna hug you / I wanna wrap my hands around your neck / You're an asshole, but I love you / And you make me so mad, I ask myself / Why I'm still here? Or where could I go? / You're the only love I've ever known / But I hate you, I really hate you / So much I think it must be true love

I Found - Amber Run

And I'll use you as a warning sign / That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind / And I'll use you as a focal point / So I don't lose sight of what I want / Oh, and I found love where it wasn't supposed to be / Right in front of me / So talk some sense to me

Wicked Game (Cover) - Ursine Vulpine, Annaca

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you / It's strange what desire will make foolish people do / I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you / And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you / Oh I don't want to fall in love / Oh I don't want to fall in love with you

War of Hearts - Ruelle

I can't help but love you / Even though I try not to / I can't help but want you / I know that I would die without you

Neptune - Sleeping at Last

I'm only honest when it rains / If I time it right the thunder breaks / When I open my mouth / I wanna tell you but I don't know how / I'm only honest when it rains / An open book with a torn out page / And my inks run out / I wanna love you but I don't know how / I don't know how

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

So, before you go / Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? / If only I've known you had a storm to weather / So, before you go / Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? / It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless

The Great War - Taylor Swift

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair / And we will never go back to that / Bloodshed, crimson clover / Uh-uh, the worst was over / My hand was the one you reached for / All throughout the Great War / Always remember, uh-uh / We're burned for better / I vowed I would always be yours / 'Cause we survived the Great War

Who Wants to Live Forever - Queen

There's no time for us / There's no place for us / What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us? / There's no chance for us / It's all decided for us / This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Arcade - Duncan Laurence

A broken heart is all that's left / I'm still fixing all the cracks / Lost a couple of pieces when / I carried it, carried it, carried home / I'm afraid of all I am / My mind feels like a foreign land / Silence ringin' inside my head / Please, carry me, carry me, carry me home / I've spent all of the love I saved / We were always a losing game / Small town boy in a big arcade / I got addicted to a losing game / Oh, all I know, all I know / Loving you is a losing game

In My Veins - Andrew Belle

Nothing goes as planned / Everything will break / People say goodbye, in their own special way / All that you rely on and all that you can fake / Will leave you in the morning but find you in the day / Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out / Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth / Oh, you run away 'cause I am not what you found / Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out

Dynasty - MIIA

The scar I can't reverse / The more it heals, the worse it hurts / Gave you every piece of me / No wonder it's missing / Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant / And all I gave is gone / Tumbled like it was stone / Thought we built a dynasty that Heaven couldn't shake / Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made / Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up

All I Want - Kodaline

All I want is nothing more / To hear you knocking at my door / 'Cause if I could see your face once more / I could die a happy man, I'm sure / When you said your last goodbye / I died a little bit inside / I lay in tears in bed all night / Alone, without you by my side / But if you love me / Why would you leave me?

Rewrite the Stars - Zac Efron, Zendaya

How do we rewrite the stars? / Say you were made to be mine / Nothing can keep us apart / 'Cause you are the one I was meant to find / It's up to you, and it's up to me / No can say what we get to be / Why don't we rewrite the stars / Changing the world to be ours / You know I want you / It's not a secret I try to hide / But I can't have you / We're bound to break and my hands are tied

Fire on Fire - Sam Smith

When we fight, we fight like lions / But then we love and feel the truth / We lose our minds in a city of roses / We won't abide by any rules / I don't say a word / But still you take my breath and steal the things I know / There you go, saving me from out of the cold / Fire on fire, would normally kill us / But with this much desire, together, we're winners / They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners / But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms / 'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me / And look in my eyes / You are perfection, my only direction / It's fire on fire

King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men

Howling ghosts, they reappear / In mountains that are stacked with fear / But you're a king and I'm a lionheart / And in the sea that's painted black / Creatures lurk below the deck / But you're a king and I'm a lionheart / As the world comes to an end / I'll be here to hold your hand / 'Cause you're my king and I'm your lionheart

Two Men in Love - The Irrepressibles

If I asked you now / Will you be my prince? / Will you lay down your armor / And be with me forever? / When you open me / All the power in me moves / How you want to see / All the depths of me real / When you open me / All the power in me moves / I feel real / I love you

Turning Page - Sleeping at Last

I've waited a hundred years / But I'd wait a million more for you / Nothing prepared me for / What the privilege of being yours would do / If I had only felt the warmth within your touch / If I had only seen how you smiled when you blushed / Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough / I would have known what I was living for all along / What I've been living for / Your love is my turning page / Only the sweetest words remain / Every kiss is a cursive line / Every touch is a redefined phrase

Saturn - Sleeping at Last

You taught me the courage of stars before you left / How light carries on endlessly even after death / With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite / How rare and beautiful it is to even exist / I couldn't help but ask / For you to say it all again / I tried to write it down / But I could never find a pen / I'd give anything to hear / You say it one more time / That the universe was made / Just to be seen by my eyes

You - Keaton Henson

If you must leave / Leave as though fire burns under your feet / If you must speak / Speak every word as though it were unique / If you must die, sweetheart / Die knowing your life was my life's best part / If you must die / Remember your life

A Time for Us - Barratt Waugh

A time for us someday there'll be / When chains are torn by courage born / Of love that's free / A time when dreams so long denied / Will flourish as we unveil / The love we now must hide / A time for us at last to see / A time worthwhile for you and me / And with our love through tears and thorns / We will endure as we pass surely / Through every storm / A time for us someday there'll be / A new world, a world of shining hope for you and me

It’s official. It’s now been one year since I rewatched the three Walden Media Narnia movies and sent myself on quite the fandom journey.

As someone who has been in and out of many fandoms over the years to varying degrees, this fandom in particular has become truly special to me and while I’m in a reflective mood, I thought I would post something in honour of my first year in this fandom.

I will probably take this down In future when I inevitably become self-conscious about how much I have shared about myself on the internet but, for now… behold my rambly post about my journey to discovering Narnia, my first year in the fandom and why Narnia is so important to me. And sorry in advance to anyone who actually decides to read this because it definitely became a bit long :)

I’m not sure when my Narnia journey started exactly but I remember reading The Horse and His Boy when I was quite young, long before 2005 when I saw the first movie. I simply picked up that book because it was about a horse and back then, I read everything about horses. :) I don’t remember whether I enjoyed it but I imagine I might have been a bit confused at times since I literally knew nothing about the world of Narnia at the time. I do still have that copy of The Horse and His Boy though.

Sometime after that, 2005 came around and I ended up seeing The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe at the cinema with my sister. I absolutely LOVED it and quickly jumped into reading the original TLTWATW novel. I later saw Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader as they each came out but I didn’t feel like they were as good as the first for different reasons (I thought PC was too much like TLTWATW in terms of the grand epic battle and TVOTDT was too different from the others with it being set on a ship the whole time). I had no idea about how closely PC and TVOTDT resembled the books they were based on because at that point, I had only read The Horse and His Boy and TLTWATW novels.

I had quite fond memories about the movie series as a whole though and had been wanting to rewatch for a while as I hadn't seen any of them since 2010 after TVOTDT came out. So, at the start of March 2023, I finally sat down to watch all three in the space of one weekend on Disney+.

The timing was important because this just happened to line up with the start of my gap-year (of sorts) from work. Both my husband and I had the great fortune of being able to take all of 2023 off work to focus on hobbies and just destress after our respective last few years. A mini trial retirement if you will. I had grand plans of catching up on various video editing projects through the year but after rewatching the Narnia movies, those plans quickly evaporated.

Not only do I love all three movies equally now (they are just so darn heartwarming), I felt super nostalgic while watching them and loved their messages of personal growth and learning to believe in one’s self (the latter of which, I still struggle with). I also found myself feeling so sad about the endings of Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader knowing the Pevensies would never return to Narnia (a feeling which will become significant later on in this post). Although, that sadness was nothing compared to the sadness I felt once I found out what happened to all the Pevensies (and Susan in particular) in The Last Battle. I was gutted when I found out about that, but I digress.

Anyway, I also found myself feeling super intrigued by the enemies-to-lovers potential for Caspian and Peter and after reading a few fanfics, I quickly became obsessed with Caspeter and the franchise as a whole. I promptly purchased all three movies on Blu-ray so I could try editing a video montage about Caspian and Peter and, as soon as the Blu-rays arrived, I watched all three movies again. Partly for ‘research’ for my video but mostly because I just wanted to live in that world again. I also managed to convince my husband to watch them with me and while he’s not nearly as big a fan as I am, I’m happy to say that at least some of my enthusiasm for the series has rubbed off on him over the last 12 months lol.

By the end of 2023, I had watched each of these movies no fewer than four times each and read all the novels too. While I currently consider the Walden Media movies to be my favourite adaption, I also really enjoyed watching the BBC TV show adaption which I found to be utterly charming. I’m also a fan of Doctor Who, including the classic serials of the 60’s through to the 80’s, so the episodic feel, style and lower budget of the BBC Narnia series just reminded me of the classic Doctor Who serials in all the best ways. I also adored the Focus on the Family radio plays and, while you might think I’d be happy to stop there with the various adaptions… nope, I have now lined up the old animated The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe movie to watch this weekend and I also want to try and get my hands on the BBC’s Narnia audio plays too :)

Back to the Caspeter video montage I mentioned… well, one video was quickly followed by three more but upon finishing and uploading the fourth, a Caspeter reunion video edit, I secretly hoped it might inspire a fanfic writer to write something based on the video’s premise. It quickly became apparent however, that I already had the story in my head. I simply had to write it down.

Thus, my first Caspeter fanfic was born. This was the first time in 20 years that I tried writing fan fiction (although the first fic I wrote was for the Xena fandom which was a one-time thing for a school assignment so it’s barely worth counting). My first Caspeter one-shot was quickly followed by a second and that second one has since been expanded into a 62k word fic. Where that came from, I still have no idea. :) So, between the 6 videos and 3 fanfics (one of which is practically a novel), I think I can safely say I’ve never been more inspired by a fandom.

So, why do I love Narnia? I have been giving this some thought and, while this is not a definitive list, I think these are the main reasons why this series now means so much to me.

Well, to start, the Pevensie sibling I relate to the most is the movie version of Peter. I’m also the oldest sibling in my family and even though I try not to, I often take things personally when my opinions/suggestions are overruled, especially in a work setting. I really struggle not to become defensive in those situations and hate it when things in my life feel like they are outside of my control. But I’m also intensely loyal towards my family and friends and just want fairness and equality for everyone. Basically, I’m a delight. But only when you get to know me and I let my guard down around you :)

I love all the Pevensies though and I especially adore their sibling relationship. Though they may be dysfunctional at times and poke fun at each other, it’s clear they still care deeply for each other. Sadly, the differences in personality between my younger sister and I are too insurmountable at times and often gets in the way of us getting along.

The world of Narnia is absolutely fascinating. I’ve been obsessed with Greek Mythology for as long as I can remember thanks to growing up watching Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys on TV during the 90’s so I love that Narnia is filled with creatures from the ancient Greek myths. And who doesn’t want a talking horse as their best friend?!

As for Caspeter, I can’t help but see similarities in the personality dynamics between Caspian and Peter (well, my head canons of their relationship based on their personality traits in the movies) and my husband and I. My husband is definitely the calmer and more balanced one out of the two of us and while he doesn’t see it this way, I do think he has the patience of a saint for putting up with my emotional tendencies as well as my fandom obsessions (especially this fandom, given how much it has taken over my life lol).

And on a more general note, the stories of lovers being separated and either, finding each other again after a long period of time or being forever separated because of the cruelties of fate, have always resonated with me. So that, combined with my other love of stories featuring enemies-to-lovers relationships, I feel like the Caspeter pairing was made for me :)

I haven't mentioned religion so far, and that’s because I’m not religious, but I still very much appreciate the themes of belief/faith that run through the Narnia series as a whole. And while I don't personally believe in an afterlife, I've always loved the idea of there being a place after death where people can be reunited with their loved ones. Yeah, as you can probably tell from my writing, I fear being without my husband one day.

And lastly, the characters having to go back to their world and being unable to return to Narnia quickly became symbolic for the end of my year off (my personal version of Narnia) and the start of 2024 when I would have to go back to work. And that transition back to full-time work was about as difficult as I expected it to be, let me tell you.

It does feel like my obsession with Narnia came along at just the right time to take on real meaning in my life and I’d venture to say that Narnia/Caspeter has become one of my top five fandoms of all time. Because if I didn't watch those three movies when I did at the start of 2023, I wouldn't have had as much time to spend on making video montages and therefore probably wouldn't have gotten to the point of making that one particular video that inspired me to write fanfic for the first time. I certainly wouldn’t have had the time to focus on writing a fanfic that became as long as it did. And, I probably wouldn't have connected with the franchise so strongly either if I wasn’t experiencing my own personal version of Narnia in real life and if I didn’t have my husband in my life to help inspire my personal head canons of the Caspeter relationship.

So, now I'm back at work, what is next for me?

Well, I sadly won't have as much time to contribute to the fandom anymore and I highly doubt I’ll have the time or patience to write anything as long as ‘Our Hands Are Tied’ turned out to be, but you never know. Before a year ago, if anyone suggested I was about to write any fan fiction at all AND post it online for the first time, I would have thought they were crazy. So, anything is possible :)

That said, Narnia and Caspeter are still very much at the forefront of my mind despite now being back at work. I have two general Narnia videos (one about the Pevensies and one about Susan) that I started last year so I want to try and finish those soon. Plus, I have a few more Caspeter video ideas I’ve been thinking about maybe doing AND I have two new ideas for Caspeter fanfics that have popped into my brain over the last few weeks (one of which definitely warrants a longer word count if I write it). So, we shall see what comes of those :)

So yeah, happy one year Narnia anniversary to me! :) And stay tuned for what else might come out of my brain I guess :)

'I vowed I would always be yours, 'cause we survived the great war' - The Great War by Taylor Swift

My head is just all Caspeter, all the time at the moment :)