Esmecuckoo - Telepathic Barbie

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Well I am in a bad place right now.

Cutting this because this might get pretty dark and bleak.

Context: I am disabled, I can't work, I survive thanks to Social Security, and have done for all my life.

Every so often I have to refill out forms for health insurance, which is annoying, because nothing has ever changed, and nothing ever will about me. Just leave me alone, but I digress.

I just went through another round, and got a notification today saying that my Medicare Part A is no longer going to be covered by SS and if it's not covered by other means, they'll start deducting the cost right from my monthly check.

Which is roughly 200+ dollars, from what I've researched.

With what I get, I BARELY scrape by. I can't do much, but I have a roof over my head, the bills are paid, and I get a pinch extra.

I was JUST feeling like I was getting my feet underneath me these last few months, had actually managed to start saving money without trying for the first time in AGES, aaaand this happens.

And why do I, who does not work, am suddenly "making" too much money a month? Because last years cost of living increase, gave me more money, which is JUST above the income limits to have it covered the way it was being covered.

So basically the government said "we have decided because of inflation people on SS need more money...but now you have too much to get a certain benefit, so we're taking more money back" HOW IS THIS FUCKING FAIR?

If you're gonna increase X, why isn't Y going up? NOTHING HAS CHANGED about my life, except what THEY decided to change!!

I am alternating between panic and anger.

My best option now, if I can't get this sorted out, is to detransition, because I just can't afford to be a woman. There goes my plans to start looking into maybe changing my name. I can't afford the meager allowance I was letting myself have to buy a piece of clothing or two a month.

Even then, I don't know if that will be enough, and then it becomes a question, "Do I not pay power, or not eat?"

There are days when suicide just make logical sense. I'll at least not have to worry any more, and I'll stop being the burden on society my conservative sister always reminds me I am.

♪ rather than question it // let's deem it relevant // absent from fear or dispute // these deeply held things, yes, they mean everything // in becoming authentically you // connect to your truth (and connect to your crew) ♪

Someone help me I can’t stop drawing Lorna