TW: Suicide - Tumblr Posts
i got into a fight with my dad because he hit the dog :)
im gonna kms one day :)
it came to me in a dream and i'm sorry
So for my request, can you draw Yasuhiro Hagakure as a Remnant of Despair please? You can design the outfit he'd wear.
Under Junko’s influence, Hiro’s fortune-telling becomes both worthless and profitable. As an ultimate despair, Hina’s grief becomes a lot more deadly.
thought about buying a gun today
had a conversation with a trans friend of mine who's thinking about joining the military to escape poverty. not gonna go into detail there but it was heavy conversation and sparked these thoughts.
on the one hand, i'm queer and leftist. i'm scared when i see right wing people hoarding guns. i'd like to have one or more for the peace of mind that if push comes to shove i have something to defend myself with.
however, i know that if i do acquire a firearm, im going to put it in my mouth to see how that feels. not with any bullets or anything. just to feel it, taste it, experience that feeling.
but i know enough about mental health to know what that is. that's a big step in suicidal ideation. what's to stop me from putting a round in the chamber once i get more comfortable? and even if i'm not actively planning how i would kill myself, if i owned a gun, i would know i could. i would know deep down that if i ever wanted too id have a really easy way to do that. and is that even really different from having a plan? i also don't like that i don't know if i would play russian roulette if i purchased a revolver. i'd like to think the answer is no, but if i'm honest with myself, 17% is like, not terrible odds?
i'll be 23 soon. and i've noticed over the past few years my suicidal ideation has progressively grown. when i was in highschool, or maybe even middleschool, i realized nothing really cosmically mattered. i think soon after the idea of dying was scary but it wasn't impossible, and i thought hey it would suck but i'd be dead so it wouldn't really matter to me at that point. i wouldn't ever kill myself, but if i got hit by a bus it wouldn't be a huge deal.
and that's how it stayed really. and i still feel that way, although now that i'm actively transitioning and finding myself, i'm a lot more hesitant when i think rationally about these things. i don't want to die and have my obituary and headstone say [deadname], and what's more, things have just started getting good and i am excited to see where life takes me. despite that though, a few weeks ago i looked at my window differently. i live 5 stories up. would that be high enough? i didn't google for an answer. and i frankly still don't want to know.
objectively, i am the happiest i've ever been. ironically though, i'm also the closest i've ever been to suicide. i've been throwing that thought around my brain for a few months now. it's weird.
Quick 2 am sketch. 7-3 looks awesome, can't wait for violence layer release
Absolutely incredible work! Be aware that it might be disturbing (it features imagery of death, dying, blood, and suicide), so please enjoy safely.
Now finished below!
Keep reading
THIS!
Also a good majority of the fuckwads who even say that shit aren't even mentally ill so why the fuck do they care???? They can't even handle someone who has just has suicidal ideation one or two times in their life, let alone someone who's only thoughts are literally suicide and a LONG history of attempts. (Exaggerated that a bit btw, but you get my point)
If I hear that shit come out of someone's mouth again I am actually going to fucking explode /neg
The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.
I get how you feel. It's kinda scary having to wonder if someone's okay or not, and it can be pretty triggering for some people to have to hear about those things.
However, the main reason (as far as I am aware) why suicidal people or those with self harm struggles interact with NSO content is because NSO contains themes of self harm and other mental health struggles, and it can be relatable for people with similar struggles or find the game comforting.
W can assure you that most of us are okay, and if you are concerned about our wellbeing's, feel free to ask us about it.
Again, we apologize for the concern. /gen
PS, please don't report our accounts. We understand the concern, but there are a few reasons why we need to have our accounts.
A lot of us use our blogs as a coping mechanism since a lot of us don't have other coping mechanisms, and sadly there is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health which can make it difficult to find healthier coping mechanisms (it's not easy being mentally ill, i'll tell you that.).
In addition, some of our accounts (including mine for example) are reviewed by or recognized by professionals as a way to get our emotions out of our system (kind of like a diary), so if our account gets terminated, we lose that coping mechanism.
I don't mean to be rude when I say this btw, but just letting you know.
I might stop posting NSO content. My last few posts have been reblogged by multiple accounts that are centred on self harm and suicidal thoughts. I’ve had to report a few people because I legitimately thought they were in danger.
I can imagine a retelling of Dracula where what Jonathan really encountered in Transylvania was a village struck by a devastating illness that primarily killed infants. The terrifying women who he sees murder a baby are nurses removing a child who has died of the disease; the mother is wild with natural but inconsolable grief. Rather than seeing her ravaged by wolves, he witnessed her suicide. The thing on the Demeter is likewise this illness; the "brain fever" which would explain the "hallucinations" Jonathan and then the crew and captain experience. All that's missing is a couple of scenes showing the transmission of the disease--to the sailors, to Lucy--and you could cut from the reality of it to the hallucinations people afflicted suffer from. It would be a very interesting adaptation, I think.
And pretty timely for our current age, as well.
Fascinating to me how Dracula goes from this regular personified, well, person, into this sort of... Formless, malevolent disease; A faceless and nameless horror, not quite tangible and feeling more like a curse than a physical monster walking around. It’s surreal and even though we KNOW of Dracula, even if you knew nothing until you read the book, even if you read it in the proper order because Jonathan’s journal comes first; It’s still unsettling how Dracula has become this messed up, briefly glimpsed idea of an approaching malady. Like the inevitability of death and doctors and loved ones doing all they can to stave it off.
He almost doesn’t feel real within his own narrative, like maybe Dracula really is just Lucy’s sleep demon that her mind has made up to rationalize and explain this inexplicable condition of hers; Which just adds to her uncertainty and the dream-like surrealism of it all, that gaslights Lucy into not talking about what happened and causes her to forget. Dracula’s like a cryptid you barely catch in the dark with shining red eyes, you can’t quite pin him down because he’s so undefined and thus protean. He’s like a hallucination, an omen of death; A mere visualization of a much deeper and untouchable force, given a face to mock victims with, existing only within the mind because the illness exists in the body like a parasite. It’s creepy.
"How tragic of the fate of the lover who was left behind..."
Gonna slap a big ol' trigger warning on this one.
TW: Repeated mentions of death and suicide. Nothing is written in explicit detail, but it is mentioned multiple times towards the end of the story.
So, for those who are curious but don't want to read the story, I'll provide a safe lil' blurb up here :)
Basically, I was inspired by the autosave mechanic in Skyrim (which I've been playing an unhealthy amount of lately). I began to wonder, what would it be like if a character actually experienced going back in time after dying. I ended up writing a pretty extensive story based on such a character; the condensed version of said story is what you'll see below. It's set in the world of Skyrim.
Also I was inspired by "Left Behind" by Reinaeiry. Idk, it's pretty good imo
Anyways enough rambling
Despite being born to a family of accomplished and well-respected mages, Mynarae had little interest in magic and mages. Her passion lied in alchemy, which she had practiced since she was old enough to read and stand at an alchemy table. She was content to craft potions for use by her family, or to sell to other upper-class families, until she learned of the White Phial. Fascinated by the alchemical artifact, she left home to travel to Skyrim in search of it. After learning that its location was unknown, she gave up quickly, but remained in Skyrim to collect as many of the unique alchemical ingredients as she could carry.
During her stay in Skyrim, she settled in Markarth, then began formulating an immortality elixir. Not for any specific reason, but to simply see if she could. The new ingredients provided the creative spark she needed to devise the formula. After years of work, she believed she had finally created the immortality elixir, but held on to it for the time being. There was only one dose, after all, and she did not want to waste it. Her journey and success was shared with a friend she’d made at the local inn, who expressed great interest in her creation.
Shortly after sharing her success, Mynarae was out to gather ingredients in the wilds, when she was accosted by a bandit group. Her “friend” was among them, having told the group about the elixir, and the bandits demanded to have it or they would kill her and take it. Refusing to give up her work, Mynarae fled from the group, drinking the elixir as she went. Enraged, the bandits attempted to kidnap her instead. Too proud to allow herself to be captured and trusting her own elixir to work properly, Mynarae threw herself off a cliff into the river to escape.
She died upon impact against the rocks in the river.
Mynarae found herself back at her rented room in Markarth, just before she shared her success with her friend. Though bewildered at first, she quickly realized that rather than becoming immortal, the elixir had sent her back a brief amount of time. Armed with knowledge of the future, she severed all ties in Markarth, then set off to return home. During the journey home, she joined a caravan, where she met a man named Sidduk, a fellow alchemist. The two bonded over their shared interests, sharing notes and recipes, and grew close enough to fall in love. She decided to move to a little farm with Sidduk, where they would grow their own ingredients…
Then, one day, Mynarae created an elixir that exploded, killing her and Sidduk in the process. She was transported back in time, and averted the disaster. Then Sidduk died from illness, and Mynarae killed herself to go back and cure him. He later died from inhaling toxic alchemical fumes. She killed herself to save him.
He was mauled by wild dogs while tending the farm. Then he was crushed when a support beam gave out and collapsed the roof. Was murdered by a thief while going to town for supplies. Chased by a sabrecat that wandered onto their property. Burned alive when he accidentally spilled flammable liquid onto the fireplace. Got sick again.
Mynarae grew increasingly desperate to save him from ever dying, while becoming desensitized to the act of suicide. She had to save him. HAD TO SAVE HIM!
Then, one morning, she awoke to find that he had left the farm, leaving only a letter. Sidduk had noticed her abrupt shift into a feverish state, and was going to fetch a healer. She chased after her love, only to find his lifeless body amid the wild grasses, torn apart by wolves. Distraught, Mynarae killed herself again…
And woke up in bed. Sidduk’s letter was on the bedside table. No matter how many times she went back, she woke up in the bed every time. No matter how fast she ran to catch up, he was already dead when she found him.
Sidduk was gone.
All her work to save him, only to drive him right into the jaws of death with her behavior, and now he was gone forever.
The grief never truly went away, but it eased slightly after a few months. She buried his body on the farm, then tended to the crops for a while. Sidduk would have been sad if the farm went to ruins, she told herself. He would have wanted her to carry on. She just had to carry on… Until one night months later, Mynarae realized that there would never be an escape from the hell she was now living. If the elixir simply sent her back in time when she died, then she would never know peace. She would never join Sidduk in the afterlife.
Something snapped in Mynarae at that moment.
The grief melted away, replaced by fury and a deep-seated resolve. How dare her own creation treat her this way! She created the elixir, so she would create another that would break the effect! No one would keep her away from Sidduk! Not even her own past actions!
Mynarae became obsessed with finding or formulating a cure. Gone were thoughts of taking care of herself. She would eat just enough to not starve, sleep just enough to keep her mind sharp, protect herself just long enough to gather as many alchemy ingredients as necessary. She couldn’t afford any setbacks. There was too much to do.
She had to find a way to kill herself for good.
US Helplines:
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
UK Helplines:
Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk
b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk
b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669
Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868
FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:
Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
Australia: 13-11-14
Austria: 01-713-3374
Barbados: 429-9999
Belgium: 106
Botswana: 391-1270
Brazil: 21-233-9191
China: 852-2382-0000
(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)
Costa Rica: 606-253-5439
Croatia: 01-4833-888
Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67
Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908
Denmark: 70-201-201
Egypt: 762-1602
Estonia: 6-558-088
Finland: 040-5032199
France: 01-45-39-4000
Germany: 0800-181-0721
Greece: 1018
Guatemala: 502-234-1239
Holland: 0900-0767
Honduras: 504-237-3623
Hungary: 06-80-820-111
Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
Israel: 09-8892333
Italy: 06-705-4444
Japan: 3-5286-9090
Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292
Malaysia: 03-756-8144
(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)
Mexico: 525-510-2550
Netherlands: 0900-0767
New Zealand: 4-473-9739
New Guinea: 675-326-0011
Nicaragua: 505-268-6171
Norway: 47-815-33-300
Philippines: 02-896-9191
Poland: 52-70-000
Portugal: 239-72-10-10
Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
Spain: 91-459-00-50
South Africa: 0861-322-322
South Korea: 2-715-8600
Sweden: 031-711-2400
Switzerland: 143
Taiwan: 0800-788-995
Thailand: 02-249-9977
Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
Ukraine: 0487-327715
(Source)
my box is always there and always open.
Share. Please. In honor or this nameless hero whom because of this letter he or she sent me, could save a life tonight.
again, my box is always open.
Hot Take
Steven is in hospital for emergency psychiatric treatment. If his mental state is really as bad as it seems, it's probably deteriorating at a pace where it is unlikely to be controlled without drastic intervention. He's having flashbacks, for God’s sake.
There are a number of reasons why a person can be hospitalised in this situation:
They require medication for their mental state, and need to be kept under observation to make sure there are no adverse effects
They are so unwell that they are unable to control their responses, and may be a danger to themselves or others
They may be suicidal or show suicidal tendencies
I feel like Rebecca wouldn’t go quite that far, but given that the latest leak that more or less involved Steven saying that he didn’t want to live anymore, I wouldn’t put it past her.
I was once hospitalised due to a mental health breakdown. I hated it, and I have trauma from the expirience. I only hope that Steven manages to avoid the worst of it.
Also... Why is he in a boat? It it the H.M.S Residual Trauma?
- Pasta
Ps. Sorry for not posting much, school went back and proceeded to kick me in the ass.
Just gonna reblog my post from our system blog so I have it on my own personal one too. I literally can't stop smiling ❤
Hi I'm gonna be so brave now, but hi Erwin here, I'm super scared about existing and I'm literally shaking and holding back tears right now haha 😅 I'm uh... lowkey in an emotional flashback and I'm trying to be super brave and just sit with it and be kind to myself and be proud and happy that I didn't go through with some of my suicide plans in the past. I was a host when we were in our late teens and I recently came out of dormancy. I hope it's a sign of healing. I don't know, I feel so scared but relieved in a way? Like I'm free in a sense? Idk maybe I'm finally realising I am not having to endure abuse anymore. I don't have to let myself be used. I don't have to kill myself. God, I'm actually crying now. I really need a hug haha. Idk I'm just... It actually over? We survived? Like I thought we wouldn't. I thought we'd die and I never really wanted to die. I just felt like I needed to die to spare others because I was somehow ruining my family's life by existing. I wanted the pain to stop, but I wanted to experience the world and I was mourning not being able to go travel and try things as I was preparing the noose to hang myself in our garden
I'm alive and I don't have to let anyone use me ever again. I can just say no. I don't need to let myself be abused. I can walk away. I can fight back. Man... I did not expect myself to have this moment on a random Tuesday night, but here we are. I'm feeling so happy? Idk... Like.... Fuck... Idk how I'm alive. Shit.... Thank god...
Man... we haven't cried in ages and it feels good to finally let it out. Idk man... I'm at a loss for words kinda (I say after a long rant)
Anyway, I'm gonna stop this rambling now before I repeat myself even more times over. But we survived... fuck...
I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:
IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.
1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.
2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.
3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”
4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”
5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.
TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.
Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.
Old sketches and wips that I haven't posted, since I still don't have my drawing tablet. The first one is Deadstuck dirk-volleyball(lol) and last one is a part from a fanfic.
hiii hellooo dirkjohn lovers sorry for not posting em in like weekkks!! but if you remember that playlist post, yeah im actually making that and heres the cover/finished art
anyway smooches and hugs for all yall and i also have a twitter (@/onfirekittytutu) so follow me on there!
