I Weighed Myself Today And Took Off My Shirt For Inspection And Noticed I Was Looking Pretty Good! I

I weighed myself today and took off my shirt for inspection and noticed I was looking pretty good! I wanted a better look so I got my web cam and phone out and just started jiggling my blubber and MAN have I filled out and I personally gotta say it looks GOOD! My love handles are doing pretty nicely and the little fat folds above them are just getting more and more curvaceous! It looks like all my fat is being pulled forward and down. Now I’m considering getting some Whataburger on my way home to supper! Maybe some for lunch too! I feel good.

There is something to be said for losing weight (while you still can). It’s often what keeps me from going all out on my eating because I’m not quite to the point of no return where even if I lose weight I’ll still have a whole bunch of loose skin and stretch marks, I’d still have some stretch marks but I could get back to less fat. As of right now it’s something I’d still like to do, I want to be able to see every change I was too impatient to take note of when I was younger. The thing is I get impulsive all of a sudden and start seeing the beauty in gaining all anew and I end up getting a bunch of food to stuff myself with! After I’ve feasted I start thinking about how much of a setback I’ve just created and end up questioning whether it’s even feasible to lose weight. I have normally have enough self-discipline to diet and I genuinely like exercise (especially working out and beefing up my muscles), but the problem is that I keep on wanting to gain, how can I counteract that? It certainly doesn’t help when I start leveling out then start unintentionally gaining weight back, that just reminds me of how nice it feels to jiggle. Perhaps one day soon I’ll figure it out, but if I really want to, it better be soon before the benefits of weight loss I most desire are forever pulled out of my grasp. Even if that happens I’ll enjoy becoming a bigger, jigglier, and more blubbery guy.

I'm feeling so frustrated with school that I want to go out to multiple locations and get the cheapest and most fattening food possible. First hit the grocery store and shop while hungry to get the most fattening foods. Then go to some fast food restaurant and order two or three meals and eat them there, scarfing them down like an unrepentant hog. Afterwards go through the drive through of the same place and order even more food. I don't know, I just feel like filling my stomach right now- I'm hungry and there is something I'm having trouble learning with the provided material and Google isn't helping either. As a result I want to stuff my face and truly act out, sometimes stress just mops the floor with you after so much time and you just want to feel better. It's like this: I could be trying to figure this thing out, but not be irritated and pissed off that I can't comprehend it- instead I could just be happy sitting here blissfully gorging on pastries, peanut butter, juicy hamburgers, greasy fries, and thick milkshakes. Gaining aside, maybe I really ought to stock up on things to munch on- I mean if it helps me get the job done why not shovel in a couple packages of mini donuts, a little cake, or even a little bottle of heavy cream. A couple of pounds wouldn't make a difference if I'm getting all my school done on time and reducing my stress! Maybe it's time for another Freshman 50! I don't know. I might actually end up doing this. Thinking of how easily I let little things get to me, this idea would most definitely get me growing a lot larger!

I ate 1450 calories of mini donuts before a shower and still wasn’t satisfied, then I ate around 800-1000 calories worth of Oreos and stopped just before it made me feel completely sick. It’s been a couple hours since and I’m already good to eat more, but I already brushed my teeth! Perhaps I’ll get some big donuts or some McDonalds in the morning.

I suppose that is the double edged sword of stuffing, you get to a point where you are full but never stuffed and you have to pace yourself so you don’t vomit up all the wonderful calories. I wonder how I’ll feel in the morning, usually after a stuffing, I get hungry very easily for weeks afterwards.

Super cool thing though, a pajama shirt that’s always been on the small side now shows the wobbly bottom of my growing belly!

Ended up gaining right back to where I started and am wondering if I should start gaining again. I’m not sure what I’ll do because I’m a little afraid I’ll become a massive blob with no hope of a return to normalcy if I start gaining again. I’m honestly afraid I’d take myself into immobility. I think I’d like to enjoy my life a little before that point. Maybe some nice lady will come along and be my feeder and help me pace myself comfortably, and help me stay motivated losing weight if I get scared. I’ve been feeling lonely lately and have been wanting to date, but unfortunately I have very few options at this point in time. I’m afraid of being alone and I’m afraid of letting my life pass me by. I yearn for companionship, but I’m too busy worrying about everything to take any steps to remedy the issue.

I’ve not been actively gaining as of late, but I keep scrolling through Tumblr and occasionally see other guys saying, ”Yeah, I just had a Vanilla Wafer every night for a week and gained 20 lbs.”

I start thinking to myself, ”DANG! I really have to get back to stuffing myself; otherwise I’ll be too thin and fit! Then everyone will think I’m lazy!”