fairyorb

i'm your shadow... your living reflection of the dark world.

990 posts

Comma Flirting

comma flirting

on ao3

word count: 4.4k

a collection of letters between link and ravio; ravioli falling in love

Mr. Hero,

I’m writing to inform you that your rental on the Sand Rod has expired. My assistant, Sheerow, has come to collect this item, and it will be available for re-rental at 50 rupees.

Best,

Ravio

Ravio,

I’m in the middle of assfuck Desert Palace and writing this on your envelope. Enclosed is a purple rupee. I have the rod.

Link

Mr. Hero,

Sheerow is coming again to pick up my Hookshot. Please don’t wrestle with him this time.

Best,

Ravio

P.S. Please visit the shop for purchases you make.

Ravio,

I’ll be there tomorrow.

Link

Mr. Hero,

Don’t worry when you open this letter - no rentals are due - though I’m sure you will anyway. I’ve been meaning to ask this since they’ve been in season for a while, but you haven’t been around recently. Is it alright if I harvest your apples while you’re out? You can trust me not to sell them, heh.

Thanks,

Ravio

Ravio,

Go for it, I won’t be home anytime soon. Juicer’s in the basement. Sell them and I’ll kick you out.

Link

Mr. Hero,

Since my retirement, I’ve been moving away my tables and letting the actual house part of your house take over. I’m excited for you to see the place!

Your orchard produced beautiful apples, but there’s so many I’m not sure what to do with them. I’ve never seen so much fruit in my life! I’ve learned some baking recipes from the locals, so I’ve been trying a few of those. Let me know when you’re heading home soon so I can make pie!

Stay safe.

Ravio

Rav,

I’m fine; that gash from last month is just a scar now. I’m as safe as possible. I’m going home next week to pay you for that red potion even though you refuse.

Link

Link,

Don’t pay me back for that red potion. You were unconscious from blood loss.

Do come back home though, before Sheerow gets into the pie.

Ravio

Ravio,

I’m on my way right now. Note the purple rupee in this envelope.

Link

Mr. Hero,

You’re insufferable. I’ll see you soon.

Best,

Ravio

Ravio,

I’m writing this in case your stupid bird manages to find a portal before I do. Hylia knows he will. I miss your apple pie.

I hope Lorule’s doing okay. I hope your Triforce is actually back. It’s finicky. The Goddesses don’t like to fully honor wishes I wonder if you hold Courage.

I’m sorry. This is stupid. This is a stupid letter. You’re never getting this.

Link

I changed my mind I need to keep writing before I go insane

Zelda wants me to move into the castle. I don’t want to but every time I try to bring that up I feel like there’s sand in my throat. Like that one time at the Desert Palace. I still have that letter from you. I can’t believe I always wrote on the envelopes.

She’s officially queen now and says I should retire from being Hero and reveal my princehood to the public. Fuck, I never admitted that to anyone. It’s not like you’ll see this letter. Are you Hilda’s brother too? Nevermind.

I really, really hate the castle. Is that a selfish thing to think?

My uncle died there

I’m running out of parchment so I’m throwing this away. Goodnight, Ravio.

Ravio,

I guess you’ve become my diary now. Writing things out helps, I think.

Zelda and I fought today. I think I pissed her off. Who am I kidding. I pissed her off. I told her I’m already figurehead enough as the Hero and being a prince is too much shit for me to handle. She got real butthurt and almost sad? I don’t know. I’m bad at this shit. She kicked me out of the castle and said we could talk about it later. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

I never actually told you about the brother thing, did I? We found out a while ago. My first adventure, I think. Been a while.

I know Lorule needs its Triforce but please don’t rely on it to solve everything because it doesn’t.

I need to get a notebook or something. Or just suck it up and buy more parchment in Kakariko. I’m harvesting more apples tomorrow because it helps me not to think. I miss your apple pie. I miss you. I miss not being alone in that house.

Maybe I’ll just write more letters. Oh well. Goodnight.

Link

Ravio,

Kakariko was out of parchment for a while so it’s been a month since I’ve written things down. Zelda and I worked out the prince thing, I guess, because we didn’t discuss it any more after that day. As it stands, I’m still the asshole who saved the country more than enough times.

I’ve been reading up on these legends about Heroes. I wonder how it was like for them.

Other than that it’s been boring. I decided to juice half the apples and sell the rest. You better show up soon so I don’t have to sell the next crop.

Zelda says there’s a disturbance by the Sacred Realm entrance. Almost like there’s a crack between worlds there. By the Goddesses, Ravio, what are you and Hilda doing? Just don’t be stupid and don’t get yourself killed.

Please.

Link

Link,

I can only imagine your embarrassment when this letter reaches you. The thought makes me giggle, which I know will make you more embarrassed, which makes me giggle more.

Sheerow flew through the crack as soon as Hilda and I opened it. He arrived back to me a few hours later with three envelopes that I don’t think you intended to send.

I miss making pie, and baking in general. Retirement didn’t last long after I returned home to my post serving Hilda. I hold Wisdom, not Courage, and the Triforce is doing wonders for Lorule. I’m sorry it hasn’t treated you well. You deserve better than that. I’m sorry about your uncle, too.

I’m proud you stood up for yourself. No, I’m not blood related to Hilda, as far as either of us know. But you’ve been living life fine without being a prince, you’ll continue to live fine without it. Just stay safe in your Hero business. And for the other Heroes, I don’t know. Lorule has no Heroes, other than you. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for them, though.

I’m sending Sheerow back with this letter before I officially leave Lorule with Hilda. We’ll both be in the castle. I’m sure Zelda has discovered the crack, but if you may, please tell her we’ll arriving with Lorulean soldiers and nobility. I’ll visit you as soon as possible. I miss you too.

Sincerely,

Ravio

Ravio, you bastard,

I will be at Hyrule Castle at the asscrack of dawn and if you aren’t there I will fight you.

Link

Dearest Link,

This letter hopefully won’t arrive to you via Sheerow as I’m leaving it in your pack. Inside is food, weapons, the rings you asked for, and other items that you needed. Thank Lolia your bag has an expansion charm, because even my amazing packing skills wouldn’t have cut it. For the love of the three, stay safe out there. It’s been months since you’ve last been on a journey.

As Lorule’s ambassador, I’ll be at the castle most days, but I’ll take care of the house and continue baking. Zelda has been teaching me recipes from the castle kitchens, and they’re quite lovely!

Also as Lorule’s ambassador, I request you send reports on the happenings in Hytopia so that we may bring sufficient aid. As Ravio, I need to know if you’re safe; you know how much I fret.

Please write.

Sincerely,

Ravio

Dear Ravio,

You’re the craziest worrywart I’ve met, and Queen Zelda is my sister. I’m happy to supply reports, both of Hytopia and my own health, but I promise you that I’m fine. This is either my sixth or seventh adventure. I genuinely lost count.

As the Hero of Legend, I report that Hytopia is suffering from a “fashion crisis”. The two others operating with me are sufficient in their help, and I am currently confident in our quest to save Princess Styla. I estimate six months, maximum, will be spent on this journey. I will reach out if foreign aid is needed.

As Link, I need you to know with utmost honesty that this place is fucking crazy. There are two bitches following me anywhere, and by the Goddesses are they amateurs, claiming to be the Hero of Legend. I’m so tired of them. The princess is crying and hiding around town because she’s wearing a fucking brown jumpsuit and she can’t take it off. I feel like I’m slowly losing my sanity as each day passes, but what else is new?

The fights are fine and easy. I’ve had to wear a skirt for the past week for complicated reasons, but I’ve found that this shit is actually practical. Who would’ve thought?

Write me back so I don’t go insane.

Link

Dearest Link,

I cannot deny that I’ve had to read your letter multiple times over to get through it without laughing. You never fail to take any boredom from my day, even when all I do is talk to nobility and worm my way through politics.

I’m not sure what to write about. I’ve tried apple turnovers for the first time, but they haven’t come out the best. I’m spending time with the castle’s baker and pastry chef whenever I can. I’m sure you’ll be happy once you’re home. Speaking of home, Sheerow’s starting to relieve himself in the house again. I don’t think he likes the bird cage, but I haven’t had time to fix this problem yet. Please give me your blessing to let him fly free again.

Stay sane,

Ravio

Dear Ravio,

Make that bird promise to stop shitting on my carpet and you have a deal.

I’ve had to wear more green in the past month than I’ve ever had to in my life - they made me dye my hair, for Goddess sakes - and I’m ready to never see that color again. Can you burn down the forest for me so the grass is brown? Don’t do that, Zelda will have our heads.

Apple turnovers aren’t too hard, I’m sure you’ll get it soon. Send one over if Sheerow can fly fast enough.

I’ll be home before year’s end.

Link

Dearest Link,

You’ll be pleased to hear that the forest is gone and we’ve both been banished to the Dark World.

I’m kidding. I’ve been discussing with Zelda on the prospect of me gaining Hyruleian citizenship, and Hilda says she requests you receive Loruleian citizenship as well, seeing as you’re our Hero. The process for both is very complicated and apparently the Queens can’t just write us down for both without backlash from nobility, enough that it won’t be worth it. I’ve been looking for the easiest ways, and including the benefits on tax, marriage ironically comes up. I’ll keep searching.

I got the turnover recipe down; Sheerow should be arriving with a package of them for you and your “hero” friends. Enjoy!

I’m glad you’ll be home soon, even though it’s only summer. Stay safe out there, as always.

Sincerely,

Ravio

Dear Ravio,

I don’t know Hyrulean law well but I think you can keep citizenship after divorce. I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t give a shit. We could marry for the benefits and if either of us sorry fucks finds someone, we divorce.

Link

P.S. Those were the best turnovers I’ve had in my life. Keep making them.

Dearest Link,

It’s a decade of marriage before citizenship becomes unconditional, so if you’re fine with that, I don’t mind either. I’m glad you liked the turnovers, I’ll send more once the orchard produces more apples. Also, how are you doing in Hytopia?

Sincerely,

Ravio

Dear Ravio,

I’ll be dead within the decade, so fuck it, let’s do it. I’m leaving a ring in the envelope. For my ego, please pretend like this is the best damn proposal you could have ever dreamed of.

Hytopia is doing well and Princess Styla is back to normal. I’m avoiding the ports and taking the scenic way home, so I’ll be back in two weeks.

Link

Dearest Link,

Don’t joke about that, please. I’m glad you’re on your way. I’ll see you soon.

Your proposal has had me swooning and I spent three days in recovery at the castle. On a real note, Zelda and Hilda are both confused and slightly furious at us. I believe we simply found a unique situation to this problem.

Sincerely,

Ravio

Rav,

I’m at Kakariko this morning to pick up bread. I didn’t want to wake you up. I should be back by noon.

Link

Link -

Emergency call from the castle, some monster invasion. I’m sure you’ll hear about it soon.

- Ravio

My Ravio,

Killing the monsters you had a meeting about yesterday, then Zelda wants me at the castle for wedding stuff. I’ll see you tonight.

Link

I have a dinner tonight so I’ll be gone when you get off work. Pie is in the oven for you. “My”?

- Ravio

We’re getting married, aren’t we?

Link

Link and Ravio,

I wish you the sincerest congratulations on your marriage, though the circumstances of it are definitely exploiting a loophole that I’d have half a mind to fix. Regardless, may you both be blessed with peaceful and long lives. My brother, I am so proud of you for how far you’ve come. My brother-in-law, you are an amazing friend, and I’m excited to be family with you.

Peace and prosperity for you both!

Sincerely,

Zelda

Ravio and Link,

I am amazed that this is happening, for multiple reasons. I suppose it is my fault for being surprised, however, knowing my advisor. Hero of Hyrule, I request you take care of Ravio; Ravio, I request you take care of Link. Perhaps your personalities are only compatible with each other after all.

Best wishes for you both,

Hilda

Link,

It’s been a week with no word from you, and I’m beginning to worry. I’m sending Sheerow off with this letter but I’m unsure if it’ll reach you, so if it does, I can only beg you to write back. These new monsters, the black-blooded ones, have been retreating some. Zelda is recruiting small forces of people to make them back off from towns, and it’s worked so far. We are all worried about you. Zelda and Hilda have been asking me where you are, and I don’t know how to explain that I don’t know.

I can only assume you’ve ended up in one of those portals they’ve emerged from. Your pack is missing, as well as some of your rings, armors, and gears. You left your extra pair of boots behind, I have them for you. I have your extra weapons, too. Please come back for them. Please come back.

I miss you. I hope you’re okay. Sheerow is pissing on the carpet again.

Yours,

Ravio

Dearest Ravio,

Time travel is fucking weird, so I have no idea when this’ll reach you. I’m fine. I’ve been pulled into another adventure, this time with my own kin. When the portals spit us out back home, I’ll sit down and have a long talk with you. We promised not to keep secrets from each other, remember? I trust you, but I have limited parchment so I can’t write it all down right now.

In summary, though, I’m with other Links from around history. I met my fucking descendant. It’s crazy. They call me Legend; there’s 9 of us. I’m the veteran, apparently.

I’m sorry this is short. I hope I’ll be home soon. I miss you. Tell Sheerow to stop shitting himself, and while you’re at it, tell Zelda to stop shitting herself too. I’ll be okay.

Yours,

Link

My dearest Link,

I’m relieved you’re alright. Zelda laughed when I passed on your message, and she’s in a better mood now. Hilda also seems relieved. I’m awaiting your coming home soon.

Your descendant? I expected those portals led to different dimensions, not across time. What is he like? I would consider you a veteran in your field, Link; you’ve saved more than 5 separate nations.

I made Sheerow promise not to piss on the carpet anymore, but I don’t think a bird will hold his word well, haha.

We all miss you. If When you and your traveling companions come by, I’ll be here to welcome you all. I’ll see you soon.

Yours,

Ravio

Dearest Ravio,

Stop worrying about me, damnit. The Goddess will keep me around long enough to keep running errands for her. Sheerow, you stupid bird, it’s cage for you if you don’t shit outside. I’m glad Zelda and Hilda are okay.

We call him Hyrule, the Traveler. He’s some centuries down the line, the next Link, and I’ve been to his world. It makes me worry about the future. Rav, I’m really, really worried. I don’t think I’ve done enough

Stay safe.

Yours,

Link

My Link,

You’ve done enough. More than enough. Never forget that.

If Hyrule falls, then at the very least, you defended it with all your life. You gave it precious time to be prosperous. You’re the Hero of Legend for a reason, Link.

Zelda wanted to include her own message on this letter when she heard that you’re distraught, so I’m leaving the rest of the space to her. Stay safe.

Yours,

Ravio

Link -

Hyrule’s history consists of both golden and dark ages. The Heroes of past all fought hard and performed their duty, and sometimes, the Kingdom falls regardless. However. Hyrule always rises again. I understand your worry for us, for Hyrule; but even when we fall in the future, a new Hero arises, right? Hyrule will be okay. You’ve done everything asked of you, and that is more than enough.

My doors are open if you need comfort or advice. Please, if you need to, seek me out. I’m here for you, like I’ve always been, always remember that.

Your sister,

Zelda

Dearest Ravio,

I’m sorry I worried you. I’ll be home soon. I’ll tell you everything then.

We’re in my Hyrule right now. I can tell from the magic, but we’re far out from the kingdom. Prepare ingredients for 9 - we have a cook, don’t worry - and expect me home within week’s end.

Yours,

Link

P.S. Zelda, we need to talk. There’s a curse. I’ll be at the castle promptly.

My dearest Link,

Please note the package attached to this letter. There’s two apple pies for you all, rupees for the Smith’s payment, and the Captain’s scarf which he couldn’t grab before you were all whisked away. Zelda has also left rings with protective charms for the others with none.

One more thing. The hibiscus plant is flowering, but I forgot to pick one for you earlier. I placed a stasis charm on it, so I hope it’ll be okay when it reaches you. I tried to pick the best color from your description; I hope I did her justice.

Best wishes for you all!

Yours,

Ravio

Dearest Ravio,

The hibiscus is perfect. Thank you.

The Captain thanks you for his scarf (he was whining like a toddler without it), and the Smithy sends you back your change. Pass on my thanks to Zelda for the rings. Your pies are delicious, as always.

Nothing much has happened lately, nothing worth writing about. We’re in the Champion’s Hyrule, and it’s so large that I feel grateful for the distance between our Kingdoms now. I never want to walk again.

Yours,

Link

My dearest Link,

I, once again, am entirely unsure if this will reach you. I’m writing from my bunk. It’s been an interesting past week.

I’ve been thrust through a portal of my own, thankfully able to prepare first. I met the Captain again; I can see why he recognized me now! I’m doing okay, and I’m fine and safe. I’ve run into Wind, too, and a boy who almost looks like Time.

Link, I think I met her too. She matches everything you described, hibiscus and all. I don’t know how she’s here, either. She’s kind.

I’ll write as much as I can - it should be more exciting, now! - and I hope we’ll both be home safe soon.

Yours,

Ravio

My dearest Ravio,

Excuse me, you’re fighting in the fucking War of Eras!? Tell Warriors if he puts you on the front lines I’ll kill him. Slowly. By the Three, you better not get killed or hurt or ANYTHING along those lines. And you need to get home safe as soon as possible so the chance to is gone.

I don’t know what to say about her. I don’t know how she’s there, either, but be kind to her. And tell her I say hi, I guess, if she remembers me. Don’t let her go ba

Don’t open any time paradoxes, I know I’ll be the sorry fuck who saves you. Stay safe, damnit.

Yours,

Link

My dearest Link,

You never fail to make me laugh. And you call me a worrywart! I’m fine, don’t worry. Everyone is sweet and they take extra care to keep the ones from other times alive. Unfortunately, I think informing Mr. Captain Hero Sir of your threats would create a time paradox, as he doesn’t know you yet. Feel free to threaten him after-the-fact in your group, though!

Marin remembers you. She tells you to stop being a grump, and that’s only after my few descriptions of you! She also congratulated us on our marriage, though it’s been a year since. She appreciates the hibiscus plant and your pursuit of music when you’re home. She also says you should retire.

I understand why you care for her, Link. Really, you are a sweet person.

Yours,

Ravio

My dearest Ravio,

The Captain laughed in my face, because he’s an asshole. I would bet on my life that he’ll keep you safe, though; he’s captain for a reason. And maybe I do worry too much, but I have good reason to.

I’m glad she’s alive. This is selfish, but ask her if Koholint is doing okay, please. Tell her I’ll retire when the ladies upstairs let me.

I don’t know how to reply to your last line, Rav. But thank you, I guess. It’s hard to be kind in this world.

Yours,

Link

My dearest, Link,

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to write for a while. Sheerow went missing, and with no time traveling postbird, I haven’t been able to send letters. The war has also kept me busy and the paper has been scarce. I miss you so, so much.

I’m home. I don’t know how long it’s been for you, but it was around a year and a half for me. Sheerow is safe; he’s been at home this whole time. I’ll be waiting for you here again.

I like to think I discovered a bit of courage for myself while out there. Maybe the amount you rubbed off on me finally paid off, yeah? I’m really tired, I’m going to stay here for a while and rest. This is all over the place. I’m sorry.

Marin went back to Koholint. I don’t know if she’s alive there, but I’d like to hope she is. I’m sorry you two didn’t get to meet again. I’m apologizing a lot.

Have you been around? Our house looks the same as ever. I hope you did get to visit, at least for a little, in the time I’ve been gone.

I pray for your safety. I miss you, Link.

Yours,

Ravio

My dearest, Ravio,

I can’t put my relief into words. I’m still out, but nearing the end of this adventure. I can feel it coming to a close soon, and this one feels final. Maybe I’ll actually be able to retire.

I’ve missed you so much. I thought you were dead, or hurt, or Sheerow was dead or hurt, and I swear I couldn’t sleep for months. I’ll never let that damn bird out of our sights again. Please rest, Rav. I understand how you’re feeling right now. I’ll be home to help as soon as I can - you can’t recover from something like that alone.

Marin being alive or dead is more of a discussion if she is real or not real. I find that thinking over those kind of questions too much will only lead to feeling worse. It’s better to just accept that she’s gone. I’ll be there for you.

I’ve visited some, not as much as I wish I could. There’s never much time to relax, and our house feels wrong without you there.

Never apologize again, that’s a threat. I’m so glad you’re okay.

Yours,

Link

P.S. Did you think I wouldn’t notice you flirting with me? “My dearest, Link,”?

My dearest, Link,

Thank you. I’m harvesting apples from the orchard again, and I made pie for the first time in a while. Sheerow is carrying it over for you.

It’s been hard, this past week, but I think I’ll be okay. I just need time to re-adjust. Don’t rush your adventure for me, okay? I’m glad you’ll be home soon, though.

I’m looking forward to see you again.

Yours,

Ravio

P.S. I can’t help but notice that you also placed a comma after “dearest”. Besides, aren’t we married?

My dearest, Ravio,

The portals have begun to place us in our own times, and we’re having our final goodbyes. You’ll be happy to hear that I’ll be home within a fortnight. I’m excited to see you again, finally. I love your pie; it’s amazing, as always.

I’ll see you soon.

Yours,

Link

P.S. We are married, and we’ve signed off as “yours” for over a year. Are you surprised that you’re my beloved?

My dearest, Link,

Hurry up and get home, you flirt. First you propose over letters, now you confess?

Yours,

Ravio

My Ravio,

I’m in Hyrule, three days out from home. Don’t you forget that you initiated everything.

I can’t wait to see your face again. I love you.

Your husband,