Sometimes Im Like Ancient Greek Plays Are So Old, How Am I Going To Relate To The Characters? But Then

Sometimes I’m like “ancient greek plays are so old, how am i going to relate to the characters?” but then 

I regret to inform you all that, as excellent an example of misguided teachers or unscientific Americans as this would be, it was unlikely to have been the OP's history teacher who sent in the Barbie doll, as Harvey Rowe, the author of this letter, writes that it is a spoof. http://emganin.tripod.com/home/id18.html

Can we please talk about how our history teacher sent a barbie to the smithsonian as proof of the presence of man two million years ago

Imagine if Dudley did have a magical child though.

He and Harry haven’t spoken since ‘I don’t think you’re a waste of space’ and he’s matured enough to realise his parents were not good to Harry, especially since the birth of his own little girls because God forbid anything happened to him and they were treated like Harry was.

On Daisy Dursley’s eleventh birthday theres a knock on the door and his wife, Anita, just stares and he feels his stomach drop because the stern lady on the doorstep is wearing a cloak and pointed hat.

They listen to the woman - Professor McGonagall - explain and Anita is surprised but receptive, Daisy is excited and Dudley is terrified of what this means.

It’s a surprise to his wife and little girl when at the end of her explanation, while Daisy’s flicking through a book with moving pictures and Anita peers over her shoulder, Dudley blurts out ‘it’s safe now then? Your world?’

Professor Mcgonagall gives a wry smile and assures him that the magical world is indeed safe. It dawns on him that she was expecting this, that she’d perhaps researched him and was aware of his relation to Harry.

He then admits to Anita and Daisy that his cousin is a wizard, before turning to the Professor and asking if she by chance knows a Harry Potter. Looking amused, professor Mcgonagall acknowledges that she does.

’D'you know where he lives?’

That does surprise her a bit, and she tells him that yes, she knows and that though Daisy’s acceptance into the school has been confidential up until this point, Harry would likely not mind a visitor if he wanted a word.

Daisy begs to come along and he relents eventually, bringing Anita and their youngest, Poppy, along.

All four of them stand on the doorstep of a modest house that Dudley would call nice if there weren’t squat little creatures snickering and running around the front garden.

The door is opened by a slouching boy with turquoise hair who arches a purple eyebrow at them. He yells over his shoulder for someone named Ginny and steps back to let them in, and, when he notices Daisy staring at his hair, he smirks and a second later it’s bubblegum pink.

Daisy squeals in delight and Dudley is still trying to get his head around that when young girl and boy around Daisy’s age with bright red hair and thick brown curls respectively, hurtle down the corridor.

‘Teddy you promised you’d practice the sloth grip roll with us!’ The girl yells in an accusatory tone.

A woman with hair the same shade of flaming red as the little girl appears with what Dudley recognises as a wand in her hand as the boy with blue hair flashes a grin at them before chasing the two younger children outside to a shout of ‘No higher than the treetops Teddy!’

Harry is much like Dudley remembers him, lanky with a pointed face, straight nose and mess of untameable black hair. It’s awkward, but, apparently forewarned, Harry greets him pleasantly and introduces his wife before Ginny goes outside to reign in a gaggle of children he assumes aren’t all Harry’s.

A woman with thick, bushy hair pulled into a messy bun with a wand stuck in it smiles and makes an effort to talk to Anita. She’s not too strange, he thinks, and reassures them that her parents were just as baffled when they found out she was a witch.

‘Why don’t you take Daisy outside to see the broomsticks, Al?’ Harry suggests to Daisy’s obvious delight and Dudley swears Harry’s trying not to laugh.

By the end of the visit Dudley is more informed about the wizarding world than he ever thought he would or wanted to be. Daisy, with a bruise on her forehead and scraped knees, because despite both his and Harry’s warning she hadn’t been able to resist trying to fly, is bouncing off the walls because ‘daddy how could you not tell us?!’

They visit Harry’s a lot over summer and Daisy befriends Lily Luna Potter and Hugo Weasley. Dudley doesn’t feel up to the trip to Diagon Alley but regrets his decision to not go when Daisy comes back with two owls, ‘uncle Harry bought the second one for me! So you can write without having to wait for me to send my owl!’

Petunia Dursley faints when she finds out, and Vernon spends a good half hour cursing and brandishing things aimlessly before retreating to his shed.

Dudley being introduced to what he calls ‘all those bloody gingers’ some of whom are only just on the right side of civil to him (one cheerfully introduces himself as someone who once visited his childhood home in a flying car and asks if he’s going to need to do the same for Daisy or will she be allowed to attend without punishment).

Daisy is shocked to find out Harry’s famous, and finds out as much as she can about him during her first term, which she relays to an increasingly guilty feeling Dudley, who’s gradually coming around to the idea.

It’s not as bad as his parents made out it was. He’s learned to understand Daisy’s ramblings about her subjects and spells and is proud of her achievements at school. He’s met a handful of witches and wizards through Harry and the world that he’s always been told is terrible doesn’t seem too bad anymore, after all, how could it with his little girl in it? He is prepared come excitable little Poppy’s eleventh birthday, for her to join her sister at Hogwarts instead of standing jealously on the platform as she leaves.

Poppy Dursley never gets a letter.

I think I just need to accept that I totally don’t have the capacity to get angry at canon, which is probably pretty fannishly aberrant. Like, yes, I’ve seen the Kingsman 2 spoilers and am still psyched for the film, and yeah, I’m still just hanging out over here reading all the Hartwin. Like, bring me all the stuff. It’s cool.

(I was like this with Glee too and probably all my other fandoms. I WILL EVEN DEFEND SEASON 3 OF HOUSE OF CARDS TO YOU). Canon’s a junk drawer for me, not a service. I’ll find a weird use for that bolt that doesn’t seem to fit anything eventually).

Please help me get better so I can write more for you.

Guys I hate to do this again, but I need help. I had really thought by now that we’d be in a better situation, that my health would have gotten better or at the very least remained stable enough that I could live with my symptoms. But I can’t. I can’t go on living with acute attacks of pain in my side that take my breath away so that I can’t even cry, and I certainly cannot go on enduring the chronic, exhausting pain that eating is causing me. (living on clear broth atm for the last few weeks) I need testing and I need it sooner rather than later, and my insurance is fighting me for every penny not going to cover enough, though they have since took a chunk out of my previous bills.

At the moment it looks like my endoscopy and biopsy alone is going to cost anywhere between $3000 to $4000, and my insurance is unlikely to cover all of it. I also need another ultrasound which my insurance is bringing down to $300 from $500. None of this even covers the pathologist fee or the anesthetist who cannot give me an estimated cost at this time, nor does it cover follow up treatments. This is to say little of the medical bills from January when a routine CT scan very nearly could have killed me as I went into delayed anaphylactic shock from the IV contrast solution. That bill is still being disputed by my provider, but is so far sitting at several thousand dollars worth of medical debt. (Update: as of this morning they have adjusted their costs by a few hundred dollars but it’s still bordering on $1.5k+)

I’m applying for medical assistance, but because we earn just above the threshold, help is unlikely, leaving us to negotiate payment plans which still leave us with very little money to live on each month. God forbid something else in the house breaks because we wont be able to fix it without help. My parents— who are 4000 miles away— are already paying my remaining dental bills.

Several people have told me to set up a gofundme or a youcaring, and I am looking into those right now and hope to set them up properly once I have a more accurate idea of what my bills will be (and will post photos and screenshots of them), but in the meantime my paypal is up and running. (if you cannot use paypalme then the email for it is fi.s.bizzel @ live.com) Even if all you can spare is $2, that’d $2 toward bus fair to get to clinics so husband doesn’t need to keep driving me everywhere.

In return I will write you anything you want. Anything. My main fandoms are Discworld, Dishonored, Dragon Age, The Parasol Protectorate and Finishing School, The Lies of Locke Lamorra and some Star Wars but I will turn my hand to just about anything for you. I can even post original content if anyone would be interested in that. I’m currently working on a polyamorous supernatural romance which several people have expressed interest in, donating would enable me to keep working on this and hopefully get it up on amazon kindle sooner, and I would count donations towards receiving a final e-format of the book if you so desire.

And I know it’s a lot to ask for, I really do know. I’ve looked at my friends posting things like this before and wished I could do more than give them my last $10 for that month. But even if all you can do is reblog and send well wishes, that too will help a lot and I will forever appreciate it. I wouldn’t be doing this again if it wasn’t bordering on desperate, and I hope you can forgive me, especially when I know there are others out there so much worse off. But I really am at breaking point mentally with trying to deal with this. I can’t hide that anymore.

Thank you to everyone so far who has sent me lovely messages and words of encouragement. You give me hope and strength where I thought there was no more to be had. I love you, and I hope you know that.

-tumblr mom x

(updated for insurance updates, more fandoms, and emphasis that I am offering an e-book in return for a donation, which if you would like a personalized e-copy, please let me know <3)