An Anxious Smile Forms On Her Lips As He Looks At Her Like That, Like He's Trying So Hard To Read Her

an anxious smile forms on her lips as he looks at her like that, like he's trying so hard to read her and decipher what she really wants. oh— damn her and her stubbornness. it doesn't help that she's also indecisive. agatha would very much like the ice because the heat just doesn't agree with her but she doesn't want to bother him! gods, but the heat is really starting to get to her now. for pete's sake— " can i please have some ice, toshiro? "

H is brows furrowed as she answered in turn. ---- She was always challenging to read and comprehend so indecision pinched at his inner crux in the semblance of pincers to adjacent clothings. - Once affixed it was essentially unattainable to acquire a pacifying liberation. Which is to say a precise discernment of her words." ----- If you're certain. "

someone was kind enough to donate the money i needed, so i've deleted the donation post <3

a soft laugh leaves the faerie and she shakes her head. " no, i don't. if they feel regret or remorse for what they did, then that's fine. if they don't, then... " she shrugs, " it's also fine. i don't really believe in exacting revenge myself or letting someone do that for me. it just... feels pointless to dredge up the past when i've moved on, and they probably have, too. " still, she does find it a bit sweet he'd defend her like that. whether he would or not if they'd met when they were kids was probably a different story, but that time didn't matter to her anymore.

" yeah, i never really understood why people say your school years are your best years. they certainly weren't for me. i also think it teaches kids to not hope for their adult years, that when they're a kid, that's the happiest they'll ever be. " but maybe that's just what agatha thinks. sure, adult life comes with a lot of hardships and responsibility, but it doesn't mean it has to be devoid of passion and joy and hope. and for those like her, who had a terrible time, it doesn't mean adulthood will be just as dark. though for agatha, it had certainly been that way for some time. she does wish someone could've told her it wouldn't always be that way, that she would find hope again.

when nnoitra talks of happiness, her smile grows and she nods. " i understand that. i hope... i can contribute to your happiness. because i do want to make you happy, nnoitra, and i hope that's something you look forward to. " she wants to be one of the reasons behind his smile, one of the reasons he gets excited to see a notification on his phone. agatha knows only time will really tell if they'll be happy together, but... she does believe they will be.

If she'd told him: I don't wanna talk about it, he wouldn't have held it against her. He could hardly imagine himself sit there and vent about his insecurities. Then again, he wasn't a girl. Girls LIKED talking about their feelings. It was different for guys. He preferred this type of setting, where he wasn't the one doing most of the talking. That made him sound like a good listener, which he wasn't. He was just even worse at talking.

It seemed like Agatha was REALLY opening up to him here. She told him about being the shy kid ( yeah, Nnoitra could see how that could get you bullied ), and - about being chubby as a kid. Again, definitely something you'd get bullied for. Especially if you were a girl. Nnoitra hated how he could relate to this. Not because he'd been fat - but because he'd been ( and still was ) the opposite. His build was what people had tried to bully him about. Nnoitra would've hated his build even without people commenting on it, but yeah the comments... They hadn't exactly helped.

So Agatha had kinda had an eating disorder then? Nnoitra knew more about that sort of thing than he wanted to. Because he'd been accused of having an eating disorder about a million times.

Agatha had gone through a lot. To Nnoitra, it seemed unfair. She just wasn't the sort of girl HE would've bullied. Or, maybe he would've, if he'd seen her back then. She wasn't overweight now. She didn't stutter. She was kinda shy but not overly so. Her eyes? They were really pretty. Nothing to make fun of there. And glasses? Who the fuck cared if you wore glasses? If anything, they just made you look smart.

Nnoitra was relieved to notice that her telling her story actually made him sympathize more with her. His I-don't-give-a-shit-about-other-people's-problems-attitude faded a little. He'd thought it was pathetic that she got traumatized by bullying, but - when she described it? He could KIND OF understand it. She'd felt weak and afraid. Two of the worst feelings in the world. Feelings Nnoitra had had only a select few times, and yeah - those had been some of his worst moments. Imagine feeling like that for years.

He hadn't interrupted her while she spoke. Just listened while he watched her fidget, like she was uncomfortable. She'd soldiered on though, and told him the whole thing. He wondered what it had cost her. He had no words of comfort. What was he supposed to say? He'd just say what he wanted to, regardless. That was just who he was.

❝ 'N ya still don't wanna get revenge? I bet ya'd feel better if a couple 'a yer bullies ended up in 'da hospital. ❞ Yeah, of course he'd jump right to what he'd wanna do. But also -

❝ Even 'ta me, it sounds depressin' as fuck, thinkin' that High School 's supposed 'ta be 'da best time 'a yer life. ❞ High School hadn't been too bad for him, actually ( until he got stabbed in the eye, that is ). But it wasn't the best time of his life. ❝ If I could choose when my happiest time would be, I'd want it 'ta be later down 'da road, yanno? So I got somethin' 'ta look forward 'ta. ❞ A reason to keep going. If he KNEW he'd be happy again, then maybe he wouldn't feel so fucking down all the fucking time. He wondered if he'd just made Agatha feel worse. Or better. Probably neither.

she takes nnoitra's silence to mean he was trying to figure out what to say. it isn't something agatha talks about very much and she doesn't expect sympathy or pity, she doesn't even want them, so she's glad when he doesn't give them. that part of her life is over and she is better thanks to therapy and friends and family. agatha was especially better after patching things up with her father. she was better, healthier, happier, still healing, and leaving the past in the past, exactly where it belongs.

still, it surprises her when he offers to hurt them in return for her. caught off guard, agatha just stares at him for a moment before laughing and shaking her head. " heavens, no. i couldn't ever ask anyone to do that, i wouldn't even want to. i wouldn't know where they live now since i moved away just to get away from them. moved as far as i could. " it had been rough, of course, but... aside from her parents and a small handful of friends, there was nothing there for her.

" they probably don't even remember me and i don't see any point in getting revenge after all this time. " agatha admits with a shrug. " if they remember and regret what they did, then they just have to find some way of dealing with that. if they don't regret it or don't remember, then, " another shrug, indifferent, " that's fine, too, i suppose. i'm moving past it, so all of that is just... in the past now." even if it wasn't in the past, even if she was still hurt and in that dark place, agatha still wouldn't wish revenge upon them nor would she want someone to achieve revenge in her stead. that just isn't who she is.

she looks back up at nnoitra with a genuine smile that reaches her eyes. " really, it's no big deal anymore. we don't even have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to. i know that kind of heavy subject matter can make some people uncomfortable or feel out of place. " she doesn't want to stay on the topic for very long and let it ruin their date, either. that is, if it hasn't already. does nnoitra see her differently now than however he saw her before? agatha hopes not.

To him, she seemed like such a happy person. He couldn't have imagined she'd been feeling so shitty she'd want to hurt herself. So, she'd what? Cut herself or something? Damn, that was some fucked up shit. Just from getting bullied? Nnoitra had... Little sympathy. He was the kinda guy who had BEEN a bully. If one of his victims had ended up hurting themselves? Fucking served them right! Nnoitra had never been in the situation she described. Feeling "numb". Feeling nothing. No. Because he'd always felt fucking terrible. Feeling nothing would've been fucking sweet!

What, was he in some sort of bitch-ass emo competition here, or what? Of course she'd be able to handle less shit than him. She was a girl. Women were fragile. Weak. And now she was so ashamed of her scars she had to watch what she was wearing? Damn. Talk about fucked up.

Even Nnoitra, with his limited social skills, understood that this hadn't been an easy thing for her to talk about. If he said the wrong thing in response, she'd for sure understand what sort of asshole he really was. What SHOULD he say anyway? It wasn't like he couldn't relate to self-harm. It was just that Nnoitra's self-harm looked different, because he'd rather let others do the work for him. But that wasn't about "feeling something". It was about punishment. About what he deserved. Surely, Agatha didn't think she did, or ever had, deserved pain?

It took a long moment for him to say anything, because yeah - he didn't know what to say that wouldn't make him sound like a total scumbag. Nnoitra wasn't going to say some lame-ass shit like: I'm so sorry that happened to you, or I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me this. Fuck no. The only thing he could do was push the conversation in a direction that suited him.

❝ Ya know where they're at now? 'Da ones who bullied ya? I can collect their teeth 'fer ya, if ya want. ❞ He cracked a knuckle, as if to demonstrate. The bullies were probably guys just like himself. Bad people. He wouldn't mind smashing their faces in. ❝ Ya regret hurtin' yerself, yeah? They should regret it too. ❞

begging for money (again) bc our internet bill is through the roof bc the government ended the affordable connectivity program. it's $96.51 and i'd really appreciate any help i can get so i can pay it off asap. paypal is allfr0gs.

" um... " she casts a cursory glance around the back area and the shop itself before shaking her head. " no, i-i don't believe so. " agatha tells him with a smile, putting a few other things away now. " well... s-sort of. i-i d-don't own the place, my boss does, but he's... well. h-he's g-getting up there in years, so he c-can't do as much around the shop as he used to. " it makes her sad to think about, but... that's just the way life works, isn't it? " he's been entrusting more a-and m-more of the work to me. b-buying supplies for the shop, paperwork, bills... " agatha trails off, a soft laugh leaving her now. " i-it m-makes me feel like i'm the one that owns the shop. "

A chuckle leaves him. "I can believe that, but I still think it's best to have help with work like this." Graves offers to the blonde with a smile, walking into the shop with her before setting the bags down. "Alright, is there more you need moves Ma'am? I've got nothin' to do right away so I can help for now. Do you run this place alone?"