The Person Youre Most Mad At, Im Afraid, Is Me. Clyde Happened Because I Left You All Alone In That House

The person you’re most mad at, I’m afraid, is me. Clyde happened because I left you all alone in that house so much. Clyde did that to me, Mama, not you. But where was I? You were working two jobs because Daddy left us. You’re not hearing me, Anna Mae.

Bonus:

I think about you everyday for so long it makes my heart sore. I want you to be here. I want to be planning to take time after this weekend to watch all of our favorite episodes.

I wanna lay on your chest and listen to all of our favorite songs. I want a cup of coffee, but I want you to say my order for me. I wanna push your shoulder one more time. I’d give my whole life just to hear you say “pookie.”

I don’t ever want to forget all we talked about and how you looked so seriously into my eyes when we talked about how perfect the other was.

I want it back. I want more than just seeing Facebook memories but I know they help. I know I can’t lie to myself and tell myself I didn’t mean anything to you at all, when it’s so flagrantly sitting in front of my face. I don’t wanna forget the sound of you telling me how much it meant to you that I not only fought depression day by day but that I shared my fight so no one felt alone.

I never wanted you to feel alone.

I never wanted to wake up and not finally get a vacation to spend making memories with you that we could just add to all those stupid memories.

I said I wanted to take you home. I forgot you weren’t even the one going home that night. No one was. One of the greedy fewest times, none of us had anything to do. For once. Now I have trouble doing anything. I told you how lonely I felt with loss and you made yourself a permanent fixture I can’t seem to shrink or hide.

I miss you so much today.

Darling. Life will never be the same. 💔

7x13 - The Slice Girls