Max Ryan Annoys The Fuck Out Of Me. I Dont Know If Thats A Controversial Opinion But Man. I Get The Vibe

max ryan annoys the fuck out of me. i dont know if thats a controversial opinion but man. i get the vibe that his character functions at least partially of a parody of the "retired detective who returns to solve That One Case" character because he feels like such an exaggeration of it. every sentence out of his mouth feels like he's thinking of the best and most dramatic quote to use in a book. just incredibly insincere.

(not a critique of the writing. i think this is how i'm supposed to feel. maybe.)

okay. i love this scene. BUT. headcanon. this is not going to be angsty by the way. it's going to sound like it's going to be angsty at first but it's not i promise.

reid is a very insecure person, especially in the early seasons, and, given his past, has a tendency to take even very lighthearted teasing quite personally. so i have a headcanon that he went home genuinely embarrassed that he didn't know how to use chopsticks and resolved to learn. i could go either way on if it's out of "spite" (not nearly so strong, but i cant think of a better word) or self-consciousness.

anyway, sometime later, on a particularly bad case, they find themselves in a restaurant with chopsticks as the default utensil, and everyone starts (affectionately) ribbing reid before anyone's even started eating. at first, he defaults to offense/hurt/embarrassment, then puts two and two together. it's a really bad case. everyone is on edge...and they've chosen this restaurant specifically because reid not knowing how to use chopsticks provides levity they desperately need. if reid knows how to use chopsticks at this point? well. they don't need to know that. if he hasn't figured it out yet, he stops trying to.

(i have another, sillier version of this headcanon where morgan walks in on reid eating doritos with chopsticks so he doesn't get the flavouring on his fingers and gets through several minutes of affectionate bullying before going Hey. Wait a Fucking Minute.)

ANYWAY. this is longer than i wanted it to be and it might be better in my head but bottomline. idk. reid does sleight of hand im sure he could figure out chopsticks. but i think he knows the team needs some easy comic relief sometime. do you get me. do you see the vision.

Derek is always the first one to be like, "Mm no, we shouldn't take this case. Nope. This isn't a bau case. Nuh, uh."

this episode breaks me every single time. im too devastated by what i know is coming to be especially coherent but. i dont know. there's something about this specific line that makes me need to lay down. she's so quickly established as an almost unwaveringly kind person. days away from her death and she almost immediately compliments one of the agents sent to interview her. maybe it's something about this line being addressed to reid, who, while loved dearly by his mother, doesn't have the most conventional relationship with her.

(here's this screenshot brightened up because the lighting is Not Great:)

hey @sootliker remember when i made you try on my glasses and your vision improved. haha.

Glasses people love to make you try their glasses on to see how fucked up their eyes are. It's a sign of respect in their culture.

man criminal minds is just full of these lines that never ever come back. nothing in this scene causes me immense pain in hindsight.

(also: just because it's a little hard to tell from the screencaps and I'm unsure if this is information that's okay to include in Alt Text given that it's context not included in the screencaps—here is the conversation with who says what.

ELLE: You know how many rapists I saw walk during my Sex Crime days? [...] It was enough to make you explode.

JJ: Well, it's a long way from feeling like that and actually committing murder. Don't you think?

HOTCH: Oh, not really.