Ep.1 "Even If I Have To Go To The End Of The World | Ep.40 "No Matter What It Takes"

Ep.1 "Even if I have to go to the end of the world | Ep.40 "No matter what it takes"

@diveintovortex has just made the remarkable observation that there is a background music in Beyond Evil that isn't part of the official OST album.

I have yet to check the accuracy of this in rewatching the whole show (and isn't it insane to rewatch a whole series just to check the OST, my god Beyond Evil drives us all insane) but so far, this one special soundtrack plays in only two key moments:

1. The moment when Han Kihwan was in his car with Lee Changjin, telling him about how Han Joowon takes after his mother, Lee Suyeon, in that they're both pathetic and weak people because they don't know how to reach out to others for help. 2. The moment when Han Joowon arrests Lee Dongsik.

Again, I'm not sure if there are other moments in which this specific soundtrack is played, but with these key moments as the only ones the music is used so far, it's safe to say that this music is something akin to "Han Joowon's Theme".

It's—a heartrending juxtaposition of loss and abandonment: the loss of human connection, the fear of losing someone you love.

It's—a heartbreaking juxtaposition between Han Joowon's mother, and Han Jowoon's partner.

Lee Suyeon, the mother who abandoned him, and made Joowon into the kind of person who believes that everyone he ever allows himself to love will leave him in the end—therefore there's no use for human attachment.

And then, to juxtapose that with him arresting Lee Dongsik, heartbreakingly reinforcing the fact that in the end, he has to let go of everyone he has ever allowed himself to love.

And in both cases—it's because of him.

“If I leave Joowon here, will you let me go?”

"If you don't arrest me, I won't ever turn myself in. Please arrest me now."

This is the young boy who had never forgotten that the only reason his mother felt trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage is because of him.

This is the young man who had never forgotten that his partner had promised to turn himself to him, for him to arrest himself.

This is the young boy who stepped back when his mother reached out to him, refusing when she asked him to come to her.

This is the young man whose partner had to be the one to reach out to take his hand, for him to make the final arrest.

This is—the music of Han Joowon's heart breaking over and over again as he is forced to let go of the person he loves.

Because this is what they believe is the right choice they should make for their own life. Even if it meant breaking Joowon's heart.

Even if it meant breaking Joowon.

It makes the coda in the end so much more meaningful now, to juxtapose the scene of Joowon finally visiting the grave of the mother who abandoned him—and reuniting with the partner he himself had handcuffed, once upon a time.

His mother had never—and will never—come back to him, ever.

His partner—did.

sorry yeah ive got a bad case of Thinking About My Friends. im afraid its incurable. symptoms include happiness and love and wishes that they will have the life they want to live.

every day i get my heart ripped out & every day i simply just continue

will i ever watch/read that? no, probably not.

but do i still go on ao3 to search up its most popular homoerotic ship and get infodumped all the necessary lore in order to enjoy the fics? yes, give me 14 more of that.

Difang beloved