Alright But Why Does No One Write Colorblind Character AUs???

alright but why does no one write colorblind character AUs??? 

(note: i am not colorblind, a friend of mine who is was just telling me about some of the shit that’s happened to him)

you accidentally took my bag instead of yours and i don’t know your name so i yelled “YOU IN THE YELLOW SHIRT” but you didn’t respond so i yelled “HEY ASSHOLE” when i finally caught up with you… and apparently your shirt is red??

we’re doing a lab in chemistry with the “flame test” where you set an element on fire and we’re supposed to record what color the flame is, but i have no fucking clue what color it’s supposed to be so i’m copying your answers and now you think i’m trying to cheat

i thought this tomato was ripe but it’s actually green and you saw me take a bite out of it and whispered “hardcore”

if you ask me “what color is this” one more time i’m going to punch you out don’t think i won’t

did you know i can’t be a police officer in certain states??? like what the fuck i will fight the system and become a police officer goddamn it, my partner can record that the perp’s shirt was fucking purple

you’re too polite to tell me that the colors of my outfit clash horribly but the jokes on you because i actually know what colors they’re supposed to be (because there’s an app for that!) and i just like making your eyes bleed

Rivalry to Romance AUs

We hate each other but we both have a mutual friend so we have to put up with each other AU

This is a mandatory partner project and since everybody else is taken I have to have you as my partner AU

You’re my jerk barista who purposely screws up my name when I order my caffeine fix AU

The Proposal AU

You used to bully/mess with me in elementary school and it turned out it was because you had a major crush on me AU

I’m trying to recruit members for my club but you keep stealing away all my potential recruits AU

You spoil all the things I’m into and it’s really pissing me off AU

So I have to spend the night at my longtime rival’s house, everything will totally be fine because their parents are there (or not) AU

If you aren’t serious about this play then leave AU

I know you don’t like me but I really need help passing this class AU

Don’t tell anyone you saw me crying AU

I don’t want to go to this party/dance alone so please be my date AU

Just got caught under the mistletoe with my arch-nemesis and now everything is slow changing between us AU

You come to the restaurant I work at and choose me as your waiter(ess) every time just to annoy me and I can’t do anything in retribution or I’ll get fired AU

I spilled my lunch on this person one time and now they hate me AU

A Walk to Remember AU

You’re the Gantu to my Stitch AU

imagine your ot3 figuring out which of them is which powerpuff girl

Dialogue Help: emotional show, don’t tell

i’m always a slut for a christmas au 

“i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”

“i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me - and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years” SNOWBALL FIGHTS

“hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cooking burning - whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”

person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)

“you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”

“YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”

“i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”

I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER

MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER

“we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”

“i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”

“’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”

“we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”

“YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”

TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you) 

“we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together” FRIENDS AU - “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 

“we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now” 

DRUNKEN CAROLLING (”that’s not a thing” “oh yes it is”) 

TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)

“there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas” 

PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF 

“i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”

Important Infrequently Used Words To Know

by Paul V. Hartman

A

alacrity  a-LACK-ra-tee     cheerful willingness and promptness

anathema  a-NATH-a-ma     a thing or person cursed, banned, or reviled

anodyne  AN-a-dine     not likely to cause offence or disagreement and somewhat dull//anything that sooths or comforts

aphorism  AFF-oar-ism     a short, witty saying or concise principle

apostate  ah-POSS-tate     (also: apostasy) person who has left the fold or deserted the faith.

arrogate  ARROW-gate     to make an unreasonable claim

atavistic  at-a-VIS-tic     reverting to a primitive type

avuncular  a-VUNC-you-lar     “like an uncle”; benevolent

Read More →