Favourite Narrative Tropes:

Favourite narrative tropes:

“That was ONE time!”

“Due to an administrative error”, or any major plot point which is caused almost entirely by bureaucratic fuckups

“Contrary to popular belief” appended to something that’s either really obvious or completely subjective

A character makes an assertion, then cut to the narrator contradicting it (‘“Everything’s fine!” Everything was not fine.’)

First-person narrators who call a specific character by a series of increasingly convoluted nicknames

Unusual narrative euphemisms. I still hold that describing around a curse word is almost always funnier than just using the word.

Establishing character moments which subvert your expectations right from the get-go. The best example is in the Brooklyn Nine Nine pilot, where Jake’s fooling around at the crime scene before revealing that he’s already solved the case.

Montages. Just montages of any kind, for any reason, anytime. I actually think they work better in text form because you can do so many creative things with them.

Side characters with a level of fourth-wall awareness / quasi-supernatural ability which is never quite certain, like the janitor in Scrubs.

Double meanings in narration that take a while to make themselves clear.

Really, really specific similes.

I Had a Great Idea

for a Humans are Weird story.

So human babies REALLY need to be touched. Its totally critical for development. Small babies can literally die if you don’t cuddle them enough.

But imagine that the aliens are more like reptiles, in that they just sort of hatch and their parents feed them or stay around (and presumably, like, educate them, since they’re intelligent aliens), but don’t carry them around or cuddle in the same way.

So one of them gets stuck with a human baby that they’re responsible for and of course, they go ask a xenobiologist or someone ‘what do you do for a human baby, they’re all weird and squishy’.

And the scientist says: well, you have to stroke them. Like actually pick them up and stroke their skin.

Why, says the alien, what could that possibly accomplish. Does it make their skin tougher. Will they grow proper scales.

No, no, that’s just what human skin is like, you just… you have stroke them or they won’t grow right. They get a stroking-deficiency and can die.

Royalty AU sentence starters!

A big mix of them, so have fun with them! Intrigue, revolts, and fairytales~

“Your majesty, the invaders have breached the castle walls – you must flee!”

“I pledge my fealty to you.”

“One day, you will become a fine ruler of this land.”

“I need no king/queen.”

“You should do something about those revolts.”

“And on this day forth, you shall hold crown and scepter in the name of the people as its fair and just emperor/empress.”

“My king/queen, do not fret for there will be no one else I would rather die for.”

“Kings/queens do not weep so weakly.”

“I am not the true king/queen – I am merely their body double.”

“Oh, sweet Prince/Princess, would you care to be mine?”

“The king and queen have arranged it – you will be married to the child of the opposing nation so that peace may come to both our kingdoms.”

“In a few hours your head will roll through the town square – what say you, deposed one?”

“You are the king’s illegitimate child and I have come to collect you.”

“My name is unimportant – you, tyrant, will die today by my blade.”

“Oh, cruel majesty…for your selfishness and evil ways, I place a curse upon you and your house…”

“Royal balls are such a bore, aren’t they?”

“I wonder what it’s like beyond the palace walls?”

“You are hereby condemned, exiled from this kingdom, stripped of your title for crimes against the kingdom.”

“Oh, highness, do not shed anymore tears – I am here to rescue you.”

“As per the rules of the tourney, I am granted one wish: I wish to marry your son/daughter.”

“Let’s overthrow the king together, shall we?”

List of Negative Character Traits

A: abusive, accident-prone, addicted, afraid to take risks, affected, affected by peer pressure, afraid of change, afraid to take risks, aggressive, aloof, anal retentive, annoying, anti-social, anxious, argumentative, arrogant, artless, attention seeker, authoritarian, avaricious, awkward

B: backstabbing, badgering, barks orders, base, belligerent, belittling, blames everyone else, boorish, boring, bossy, bovine, brags, brutal, bully, bumbling

C: callous, catty, caustic, chauvinistic, cheap, cheats, cheerless, childish, clumsy, cocky, cold, cold-hearted, combative, competitive, complacent, complainer, conceited, confrontational, confused, conniving, controlling, corrects others constantly, corrupt, covetous, coward, critical, cruel, cynic

D:  deceitful, defeating, delusional, demanding, denial, deranged, destructive, directed by externals, directionless, disagreeable, discourteous, dishonest, disorganized, disrespectful, dissatisfied, distant, does everything by the book, does what is convenient, doesn’t listen, doesn’t think things through, dogmatic, dominating, domineering, doubtful, dour, downer, draconian, drags people down, drama queen, drinker, drugs, dull, dysfunctional

E: easily aggravated, easily fooled, easily offended, easily threatened, egoist, embarrassing, emotionless, envious, erratic, evasive, exacting, excessive, exhibitionistic, extravagant

F: facetious, faded, false, false bravado, fanatical, fawning, fearful, feels superior to others, fickle, fidgety, finicky, finishes sentences for others, flippant, follower, foolish, forgetful, frantic, fraudulent, furtive, fussy

G: gives up easily, glares often, glib, gold-digging, goody-goody, gossiper, greedy, grim, grumpy, guarded,  gullible

H: harasses, hard, harsh, hateful, heartless, high-handed, hogs spotlight, holier-than-thou, hostile, hot-tempered, humorous, hyper

I: ignorant, ill-behaved, ill-bred, ill-will, immature, immodest, impatient, imperious, impolite, impractical, impulsive, inactive, inarticulate, inconsiderate, inconsistent, indecisive, indifferent, indulgent, inefficient, infantile, inflexible, inhibited, insane, insecure, insensitive, insincere, inspires guilt, interrupts, irresponsible, intimidator, intolerant, irresponsible, irritable, isolated

J: jealous, jittery, judgmental

K: kept-back, killjoy, know-it-all

L: lacking conscious, lack of effort, lack of self-confidence, lack of stamina, lazy, liar, life stinks attitude, lonely, low energy, lordly, loud, low drive, low self-esteem

M: macho, mad, makes fun of people, makes others uneasy, malicious, manipulative, martyr attitude, materialistic, mean, meek, melodramatic, merciless, messianic, messy, misanthropic, miserable, miserly, mistrusting, monosyllabic, moody, mopey, morbid

N: nagging, naïve, narcissistic, narrow-minded, naughty, needling, negative, negligent, never happy unless miserable, non engaging, noisy, nosy

O: oblivious, obnoxious, one-dimensional, opinionated, ostentatious, outrageous, outspoken, overbearing, overly emotional/excitable, overly flirtatious, overly polite, overly proper, overly sensitive, overly serious, over wrought

P: panicky, paranoid, passive, pathetic, pessimist, petty, petulant, phony, pigheaded, pitiful, plotting, pompous, poor judgment, posturing, power-hungry, predatory, predictable, prejudiced, pretentious, prim, prissy, procrastinate, promiscuous, proud, prudish, puritanica

Q: quarrelsome, quixotic, quitter, quick tempered

R: racist, radical, random, rash, rebellious, recalcitrant, reckless, rejects change, reluctant, remote, repressed, repulsive, reserved, rigid, rude, ruled by peer pressure, rules with an iron fist, ruthless

S: sanctimonious, sarcastic, sardonic, scathing, scatterbrained, schemer, scornful, second-guessing, secretive, sees bad in everything, self-centered, self-conscious, selfish, self-righteous, self-satisfied, self-serving, severe, sexist, shallow, shameless, shifty, short-sighted, show off, shy, short-fused, slanderer, sloppy, slovenly, small goals, smug, sneaky, snobby, social approval required, sociopathic, soft, somber, sophomoric behavior, speaks in monotone, spendthrift, spiteful, squeamish, static, stalker, starchy, stick-in-the-mud, stingy, stoic, stony-faced, stubborn, stuck up, sullen, suspicious, swaggering

T:  taciturn, tacky, taker, take over, talker, talks over people, tattletale, temper, temperamental, terse, thinks everyone is stupid, thin-skinned, thoughtless, timid, tiresome, touchy, trivial, troubled, two-faced, typical

U: unable to relax, unappreciative, uncaring, uncompassionate, uncommitted, uncommunicative, uncooperative, uncouth, uncreative, undemonstrative, undependable, undisciplined, unethical, unexpressive, unfeeling, unfocused, unforgiving, unfriendly, ungrateful, unhappy, unhelpful, unkempt, unimaginative, unmotivated, underhanded, unorganized, unpolished, unprincipled, unproductive, unrealistic, unreceptive, unreliable, unresourceful, unresponsive, unrestrained, unruly, unscrupulous, unsmiling, unsophisticated, unsure, unsympathetic, uptight, untrustworthy, user

V: vacant, vague, vain, vengeful, venomous, vindictive, violent, visionless, volatile, vulgar

W: wary, wasteful, weak, wears drab clothes, weird, weary, wet blanket, whimsical, whines, willful, wily, wise-assed, wishy-washy, withdrawn, womanizing, worrier, wretched

X: N/A

Y: yellow-bellied

Z:  zealot

[x]

MORE AU IDEAS FOR YOUR OTP

nervous flyer and random seat mate AU

cyclist saves pedestrian who wandered onto the bike path AU

optometrist and patient AU

met in the veterinarian’s waiting room AU

your voice sounds just like my phone sex operator’s voice AU

met on an embarrassing singles cruise AU

fender bender AU

seated together at a family-style restaurant and everyone thinks they’re a couple already AU

took your suitcase from the airport baggage claim on accident AU

met at a family reunion but not related to each other AU

studying abroad AU

your kid hates my kid AU

cutie working the drive-thru AU

foster parent and social worker AU

manager at a no-tell motel and frequent room renter AU (bonus points: assumed they’re a sex worker AU)

Real Domestic OTP Scenarios

Okay, as I’ve embraced being a Fandom Old Person ™, I’m tired of seeing all the cute, domestic OTP scenarios written by people who probably haven’t lived with a significant other before, except for maybe a romantic weekend where all the “sleepy good morning kisses” and “dancing in their underwear at midnight” happen. I want to see them after a few years like:

A sleepy good morning kiss that ends up with a palm in the face and a muttered, “brush your damn teeth first.”

A sleepy good morning kiss that ends up with a palm in the face and a muttered, “I will push you off the fucking bed if you don’t let me sleep.”

Watching scary movies on the couch and one of them falls asleep, head tilted back, mouth open, snoring loud enough to wake the neighbors.

“You unclog the toilet.” “No you unclog the toilet!” “Don’t you love me anymore?” “Only if you unclog the toilet.”

“Are those my jeans?” *shrug* “Does it matter anymore?”

Stealing a kiss while one is making dinner and getting smacked in the ear with the spatula.

Person A: “Can you pass me the oregano?” Person B: “I need payment first.” *puckers lips* Person A: *holds out a dollar*

Getting snowed in an arguing for an hour about whether to make the hot chocolate with milk or water until one of them just dumps the packet over the other’s head.

After having long, languid sex with strawberries and whipped cream, both of them laying in the wreckage of the bed, sheets, towels. Both: “that was such a bad idea. We’ll never get this all cleaned up.”

Holding hands after a date, wandering through the romantic twilight, so in love, and one says, “shit, it’s getting late and we haven’t gone grocery shopping yet.”

Person A coming up behind Person B, wrapping their arms around their waist, gently kissing the back of their neck and murmuring, “you’ve got more gray hair back here.”

Renewing their wedding vows 10, 20, 30 years later and still crying like they did when they were young and youthfully in love and said “I do” for the first time.