Is Fandom Merch Envy A Thing? If Not Amma Make It A Thing Cause Lookin For Stuff For These Two Is Just

is fandom merch envy a thing? if not amma make it a thing cause lookin for stuff for these two is just

bruh

minor life note: due to doctor/health nonsense I'm off both adhd and mood stabilizer meds. hopefully gonna get around to scheduling a psych soon, keeps not happening cause energy and executive dysfunction. for time being sorz if i'm a mess, if i ever seem concerning it's impulsivity + low swing and will be fine. 9/10 times its me being cranky from lying in bed dead tired with a headache for 6-8 hours yet not sleeping any [not joking, happened multiple times recently and it sucks]

have spent the past few days in bed either unconscious or tired enough to be. have a messed up Sou

venting/me being depressed

one part about withdrawing is feeling like it'd be best to just quietly disappear. don't see why anyone would ever desire to talk to me, hardly have any value as a person. it's hard to see anything in future when you're thoroughly convinced you're going to die alone and deserve it. at this point am more just breathing than living, hope for body to not wake up again every time i go to bed.

am not at risk of doing anything btw, it's more that just waiting for it to be over sorta thing i guess.

attempts at being in a group in any way results in mind screaming, "They were better without you, you're just ruining it for others." and stressing till it's painful to breathe.

dunno whats wrong with head but wouldn't wish this on anyone

not being able to do things you were looking forward to cause body refuses to sleep or wake up for no reason sucks.

hesitant to see a psych cause they'd probs put me under watch [couldn't fault them, most of time is spent thinking about dying these days]. its hard to even just talk to people cause the feeling that i'm better off dead is so loud i end up shutting down.

Was gonna try to do a backside but mood swing.

do whatevs with it, i'm too lazy and scatterbrained to make things myself [and sure as hell don't have the self value to charge anything]

png/psd link

even when it's free designs it's so hard to justify sharing art when your mind is trying its best to convince you that you're just subjecting people to it and negatively effecting everyone.

probs gonna log off for a while, not handling how physically painful this is too well

Thank you to everyone that's tried to reach out.

I'm so sorry for being like this and making people worry.