Me: No Im Not Into Calling Anyone Daddy And Quite Frankly I Think Its A Bit Gross

Me: No I’m not into calling anyone daddy and quite frankly I think it’s a bit gross

Me after watching Bo Burnham call himself daddy in his new comedy special: Aw fuck

Man I love going to the bar with my one guy friend because he can never get the bartenders attention for the life of him so I have to order for both of us. Problem is he only drinks fruity drinks and I tend to order whiskey, so every time the bartender sees this intimidating 6’4 dude and this barely 5’3 chick and has to guess who gets the cosmo, and who gets the whiskey on the rocks. They have yet to guess right.

Ok so hear me out. If all Gen 3 synths are composed of a modified version of Shaun’s DNA and he’s the “Father” of all modern synths and Danse is a gem 3 synth, doesn’t that make danse your grandson?

ER Nurse: So you’re a chef?

Me: Yep. Have been for 2 years now.

ER Nurse: How’d you manage to cut your finger then? Aren’t you trained with knives.

Me: I never said I was a good chef.

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For all your dnd purposes

Another day, another unwanted porn bot following me.