Jack Krauser

Jack Krauser

also hey can we talk about violent psychosis for a sec. cause i really appreciate all the talk surrounding psychosis positivity and stuff but a lot of it is "we're not all violent! sometimes hallucinations can be positive!" like sorry mine are not. im scary psychotic.

im "cant have anything that even remotely could be used as a weapon in the house" psychotic. im "if i miss my meds one day i have to go to the hospital for homicidal and suicidal thoughts that literally aren't my own thoughts but theyre controlling my actions" psychotic. im "im seeing horrors you cant even imagine to the point where i dont exist in the same world as you anymore" psychotic.

im not going to hurt you, i just need help. when im rocking in the corner talking to myself at 3am, remember that i am in a state of terror. im afraid for my life. i either genuinely believe everything is trying to kill me, and i only know one way to deal with it; or something is telling me to be violent or else it will kill me; or i have dissociated so hard that i autopilot myself to violence to try and wake myself up.

some of us are violent, and that's okay, because it has to be, because it's the truth. just get us help.

im sick of people turning schizophrenia and psychotic disorders into an aesthetic. it's not pretty skinny girls making art of their hallucinations.

it's waiting for your husband to come home. he walks in the door. then he walks in again. and again and again and again. by the time he's actually come home, you don't know if he's actually there. it's counting the people in a room, making sure nobody has appeared. is that man in the corner real? is he? he looks strange. nobody else is talking to him. don't talk to him just in case he's not real and you look like a weirdo. it's being suspicious of your cat, because he's changed personality recently, and you're sure the government has stolen your cat and replaced him with a spy. by the time you've come out of this delusion, your cat doesn't act the same around you because you were so distant from him. it's covering mirrors because they whisper to you and there's people in there for crying out loud. anytime you look into a mirror there's a world waiting for you. it's showering with your underwear on so they can't see you. you can't shower naked. it's smashing up your favourite ornaments because you need to find that bloody microphone that's spying on you. it's red raw skin because you scratch and scrub to try and get the bugs out of your skin!!!!!! or maybe you see wires under your skin and you need to get them OUT. it's not recognising faces because they don't look like people anymore. your best friends face melts before your eyes. it's waking up in the middle of the night because a voice screams in your ear. it's the constant, constant noise and chatter. it's knowing you have special powers, you know you were put here for a higher purpose, but you don't remember why. maybe your mother goes into hospital and you should have seen this, you should have stopped it, the voices said something bad would happen if you didn't tap the light switch 5 times. something bad happened because you didn't hurt yourself when you were told to. you could have stopped this. youre evil. you put your mother into hospital. maybe if you didn't medicate yourself you would have noticed the signs. its coming out of a delusion after months and having to face the reality youre not special. you're just a very sick person. it's checking all holes and nooks and crannies and covering them up with stickers so they can't spy on you. it's trying to talk and it makes perfect sense to you so you cant understand why you're being looked at weirdly and asked to repeat yourself. turns out you'd been talking nonsense, just a word salad. it's doubting your own religion because maybe that spell worked, maybe your deities did speak to you, or maybe its just your brain making things up again. its being unable to talk at all. or repeating the same word over and over and over. complete divorce from reality.

you still like the idea of being a romantic schizophrenic?

gravity falls au where nothing changes other than bill controlling people ratatouille style via their hair instead of going into their brain & ford has to go bald

Amalgam cover by bran

Here we are. I kind of just put a bunch of true lab stuff and threw it into my mental blender. This is what came out.