World Where We Don't Collide

World where we don't collide

Short story about MC's therapy after 5 years since Hannah was found

words: 1600

warnings: probably none, maybe a bit mean MC

A shaky breath left my mouth as I opened the door that led to a place I hated with all my heart. But I still went there. Warmth enveloped my body, which was numb from being outside for so long. It was the end of November, and the weather this year was extremely hostile. I walked down the long corridor to see the secretary, who, as usual, was piled high with papers she was tiredly trying to sort through.

I coughed softly, gaining her attention. At first, clearly frightened, she looked up, and when she recognized me, her lips slightly stretched into a small smile.

– Hello, MC. I haven't seen you here in so long that I started to miss that beautiful face. – she said with obvious amusement, which made me lighten up a bit as well

– Yes, it's been a while since my last visit. I replied, playing with the sleeve of my black coat. – Is she free yet?

The woman nodded and went back to her papers. I sighed softly and headed towards the office that had been haunting me for months.

I knocked to make sure it was empty except for the doctor, and when I heard a soft 'come in', I went inside. The white walls matched the gold accessories nicely. Everything about it was exactly as I remembered, and I hadn't been there for the past two months. My gaze moved over every square millimeter of the room, consistently avoiding the silhouette of the therapist, who was sitting in one of the armchairs as usual.

– MC. Nice to see you. – she greeted, and I nodded to her, in the meantime taking off and hanging my coat on the hanger. – Please, take a sit.

I took the seat across from her, crossing my legs. I wanted to start a conversation, but I didn't know how.

– You stopped therapy. – she said, to which I nodded bitterly. – May I know what was the reason for that?I sighed, biting my lip nervously.

– I knew where our conversations were headed, and I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about him. – I replied without looking into her eyes. I didn't like making eye contact with anyone. The eyes were windows to people's souls, which I always found very distracting.

– Then why did you come back?

– I got a letter. I do not know what to do with it. – I said as she gave me a questioning look. I finally looked up at her and handed her the paper I had in my hand. As she read it, I stared at her face, which so painfully reminded me of Lilly's face. She was a woman with short blonde hair and sea blue eyes. They could be soothing and calm like the sound of waves, or stormy and menacing like a storm in the middle of a deep ocean. She finally looked at me, and I saw just a hint of that anger in her eyes.

– Hannah and Thomas getting married? – she asked the obvious question, because the card I gave her was an invitation I got two days ago. - How do you feel with it?

I snorted a little mockingly, but my reaction didn't put her off at all.

– I don't feel much. It's none of my business anymore. – I looked at the vase of flowers on the table between us

– I can tell when you're lying, you know? Why did you come to me if you don't want to tell me the truth and let me help you? – she asked me a sharp question that made my jaw clench

– I think I feel angry. – I said, playing with my fingers – No. Anger is empty. Two days ago, when I first read that stupid invitation, I wanted to rip her into little pieces. Fury seized me, my whole body burned. I still wonder how could they? Next week is the fifth anniversary of finding Hannah, the fifth anniversary of Richy's death, and the fifth anniversary of his death.. – I blurted out, breathing shallowly, my nails digging into the palm of my hand – Jake's death. And suddenly they're going to throw a huge wedding party, enjoying themselves and having fun like nothing ever happened? And they have the audacity to invite me there after all they've done to me?

– Next week is the fifth anniversary of the mine events. Don't torture your thoughts. Pour them out, don't fight them. – she said in a quiet and calm voice, completely ignoring my outburst of anger at Hannah

I closed my eyes heavily, letting out a breath full of frustration, fatigue and reluctance. We've been rolling this topic over and over again for eight months. I was tired of analyzing and wondering if I could have done something to change the course of events. If I had gone to meet the Man Without The Face, would everything have turned out completely differently?

– I feel the same as two, three or four years ago. I feel betrayed by Richy, yet his death still affects me. I would like to talk to him, find out and understand him. God, I wish he'd shot himself in the head instead of setting himself on fire and blowing up the entire mine. – I said taking a deep breath

– You're furious because you lost Jake because of Richy. You blame him. It's normal.

– You shouldn't be so understanding. I think I need someone to blame so I don't blame myself for the death of .. – his name still hurt – for Jake's death. The problem is that...

– The body was never found.

I nodded, swallowing. For eight months of therapy, I'd been trying to put a wall between my thoughts about the black-haired hacker. I accepted that he died. It was driving me crazy to wonder if he had managed to escape the mine after all, only to be caught by the FBI. Literally. I knew he was dead. He never contacted me again, leaving me with the bittersweet taste of his last three words.

– You never told me about him. You mentioned him only at our first meeting, when you were nothing more than a wreck of a human. – she said, and I understood her unspoken request to tell about him

Uncontrollably, my mind began to flood with memories of our conversations that I had so strongly resisted. I remembered the sweet smiles he used to send me, how we analyzed things together and how good team we were. I remember him confessing that I was fascinating to him. He could text me things that made my heart beat faster and my breath quicken. He cared for me and defended me when the group attacked me with their vote. At some point, he was my everything.

– I can see that he must have been someone special, that you flew away like that. – she said, a small smirk playing at the corners of her lips

I bit my lip to hold back my smile.

– And he was. He really was. Of the whole group, he was the only one worth trusting.

– Why do you think so? You told me about Jessy. You told me about all of them and the friendship you made.

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

– I haven't spoken to any of them in almost five years. Hannah at Richy's funeral gave me enough reasons to disassociate myself from them.

– The group had no influence on what the traumatized Hannah accused you of. – she cut into my sentence

– But no one interrupted her. Nobody took my side or Jake's side. – I answered a little harsher than I had planned. – She made me mud, blaming me for Richy's and Jake's death. From taking Jake away from her. And then no one dared say a word to her. Dan and Thomas were happy as if nothing had happened. They didn't give a shit what happened to Jake! They didn't care at all but that fucking Hannah had been found, completely forgetting who had helped find her! Jake had dropped everything for her, and his death hadn't affected them at all.

– How did Lilly react? It was her brother, after all.

– She apologized to me for Hannah after everything. She put it down to her trauma, but you know what? I didn't give a shit at all then. Lilly was the only one who tried to keep in touch with me.

– But you cut them off after returning from Duskwood. How did you do that? How did you manage to cut yourself off from an important part of your life back then?

I bit my lip as I thought about my answer. My eyes became slightly misted from not blinking for a long time.

– I started to imagine a world where we don't collide. A world where Hannah hadn't sent those stupid few numbers to her stupid boyfriend who thought it was someone else's number. A world where I wouldn't reply to them at all. And most of all, I imagined life in a world where I wouldn't fall in love with this wanted hacker. – I gasped as I felt my pulse quicken

The therapist looked at me with satisfaction in her eyes, because I finally opened up to her. I got carried away by my emotions.

– What are you going to do with this invitation?

I swallowed hard, feeling my nails almost pierce the center of my palm. It was supposed to help me, but it only unleashed a storm inside my mind.

– I'll burn them.

The therapist smiled slightly, knowing full well that it wasn't true.