World Where We Don't Collide

World where we don't collide

Short story about MC's therapy after 5 years since Hannah was found

words: 1600

warnings: probably none, maybe a bit mean MC

A shaky breath left my mouth as I opened the door that led to a place I hated with all my heart. But I still went there. Warmth enveloped my body, which was numb from being outside for so long. It was the end of November, and the weather this year was extremely hostile. I walked down the long corridor to see the secretary, who, as usual, was piled high with papers she was tiredly trying to sort through.

I coughed softly, gaining her attention. At first, clearly frightened, she looked up, and when she recognized me, her lips slightly stretched into a small smile.

– Hello, MC. I haven't seen you here in so long that I started to miss that beautiful face. – she said with obvious amusement, which made me lighten up a bit as well

– Yes, it's been a while since my last visit. I replied, playing with the sleeve of my black coat. – Is she free yet?

The woman nodded and went back to her papers. I sighed softly and headed towards the office that had been haunting me for months.

I knocked to make sure it was empty except for the doctor, and when I heard a soft 'come in', I went inside. The white walls matched the gold accessories nicely. Everything about it was exactly as I remembered, and I hadn't been there for the past two months. My gaze moved over every square millimeter of the room, consistently avoiding the silhouette of the therapist, who was sitting in one of the armchairs as usual.

– MC. Nice to see you. – she greeted, and I nodded to her, in the meantime taking off and hanging my coat on the hanger. – Please, take a sit.

I took the seat across from her, crossing my legs. I wanted to start a conversation, but I didn't know how.

– You stopped therapy. – she said, to which I nodded bitterly. – May I know what was the reason for that?I sighed, biting my lip nervously.

– I knew where our conversations were headed, and I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about him. – I replied without looking into her eyes. I didn't like making eye contact with anyone. The eyes were windows to people's souls, which I always found very distracting.

– Then why did you come back?

– I got a letter. I do not know what to do with it. – I said as she gave me a questioning look. I finally looked up at her and handed her the paper I had in my hand. As she read it, I stared at her face, which so painfully reminded me of Lilly's face. She was a woman with short blonde hair and sea blue eyes. They could be soothing and calm like the sound of waves, or stormy and menacing like a storm in the middle of a deep ocean. She finally looked at me, and I saw just a hint of that anger in her eyes.

– Hannah and Thomas getting married? – she asked the obvious question, because the card I gave her was an invitation I got two days ago. - How do you feel with it?

I snorted a little mockingly, but my reaction didn't put her off at all.

– I don't feel much. It's none of my business anymore. – I looked at the vase of flowers on the table between us

– I can tell when you're lying, you know? Why did you come to me if you don't want to tell me the truth and let me help you? – she asked me a sharp question that made my jaw clench

– I think I feel angry. – I said, playing with my fingers – No. Anger is empty. Two days ago, when I first read that stupid invitation, I wanted to rip her into little pieces. Fury seized me, my whole body burned. I still wonder how could they? Next week is the fifth anniversary of finding Hannah, the fifth anniversary of Richy's death, and the fifth anniversary of his death.. – I blurted out, breathing shallowly, my nails digging into the palm of my hand – Jake's death. And suddenly they're going to throw a huge wedding party, enjoying themselves and having fun like nothing ever happened? And they have the audacity to invite me there after all they've done to me?

– Next week is the fifth anniversary of the mine events. Don't torture your thoughts. Pour them out, don't fight them. – she said in a quiet and calm voice, completely ignoring my outburst of anger at Hannah

I closed my eyes heavily, letting out a breath full of frustration, fatigue and reluctance. We've been rolling this topic over and over again for eight months. I was tired of analyzing and wondering if I could have done something to change the course of events. If I had gone to meet the Man Without The Face, would everything have turned out completely differently?

– I feel the same as two, three or four years ago. I feel betrayed by Richy, yet his death still affects me. I would like to talk to him, find out and understand him. God, I wish he'd shot himself in the head instead of setting himself on fire and blowing up the entire mine. – I said taking a deep breath

– You're furious because you lost Jake because of Richy. You blame him. It's normal.

– You shouldn't be so understanding. I think I need someone to blame so I don't blame myself for the death of .. – his name still hurt – for Jake's death. The problem is that...

– The body was never found.

I nodded, swallowing. For eight months of therapy, I'd been trying to put a wall between my thoughts about the black-haired hacker. I accepted that he died. It was driving me crazy to wonder if he had managed to escape the mine after all, only to be caught by the FBI. Literally. I knew he was dead. He never contacted me again, leaving me with the bittersweet taste of his last three words.

– You never told me about him. You mentioned him only at our first meeting, when you were nothing more than a wreck of a human. – she said, and I understood her unspoken request to tell about him

Uncontrollably, my mind began to flood with memories of our conversations that I had so strongly resisted. I remembered the sweet smiles he used to send me, how we analyzed things together and how good team we were. I remember him confessing that I was fascinating to him. He could text me things that made my heart beat faster and my breath quicken. He cared for me and defended me when the group attacked me with their vote. At some point, he was my everything.

– I can see that he must have been someone special, that you flew away like that. – she said, a small smirk playing at the corners of her lips

I bit my lip to hold back my smile.

– And he was. He really was. Of the whole group, he was the only one worth trusting.

– Why do you think so? You told me about Jessy. You told me about all of them and the friendship you made.

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

– I haven't spoken to any of them in almost five years. Hannah at Richy's funeral gave me enough reasons to disassociate myself from them.

– The group had no influence on what the traumatized Hannah accused you of. – she cut into my sentence

– But no one interrupted her. Nobody took my side or Jake's side. – I answered a little harsher than I had planned. – She made me mud, blaming me for Richy's and Jake's death. From taking Jake away from her. And then no one dared say a word to her. Dan and Thomas were happy as if nothing had happened. They didn't give a shit what happened to Jake! They didn't care at all but that fucking Hannah had been found, completely forgetting who had helped find her! Jake had dropped everything for her, and his death hadn't affected them at all.

– How did Lilly react? It was her brother, after all.

– She apologized to me for Hannah after everything. She put it down to her trauma, but you know what? I didn't give a shit at all then. Lilly was the only one who tried to keep in touch with me.

– But you cut them off after returning from Duskwood. How did you do that? How did you manage to cut yourself off from an important part of your life back then?

I bit my lip as I thought about my answer. My eyes became slightly misted from not blinking for a long time.

– I started to imagine a world where we don't collide. A world where Hannah hadn't sent those stupid few numbers to her stupid boyfriend who thought it was someone else's number. A world where I wouldn't reply to them at all. And most of all, I imagined life in a world where I wouldn't fall in love with this wanted hacker. – I gasped as I felt my pulse quicken

The therapist looked at me with satisfaction in her eyes, because I finally opened up to her. I got carried away by my emotions.

– What are you going to do with this invitation?

I swallowed hard, feeling my nails almost pierce the center of my palm. It was supposed to help me, but it only unleashed a storm inside my mind.

– I'll burn them.

The therapist smiled slightly, knowing full well that it wasn't true.

Memories

After receiving an invitation to Hannah and Thomas' wedding, MC tries to get back to her life, but the demons of her past catch up with her faster than she could have expected.

author's note: previous part, thanks to which you can better understand the situation

warnings: slight mention of mental health issues

HANNAH DONFORT

&

THOMAS MILLER

with full hearts,

joyfully invite you to their wedding

I burned holes in the invitation I received with my eyes. I don't know how much time has passed since I sat on the couch and in my trembling hands I grabbed a card decorated with beautiful floral patterns full of colors. They were different from how I felt now. My world was devoid of any colors when I read the first lines of the invitation. When I reopened old wounds. When I reopened my heart to memories and a weird town called Duskwood.

I swore to myself that I would burn them as soon as I got back from the psychologist. I was so sure it would come easily to me. So why have I been sitting in front of the fireplace for over two hours now, wondering what time the next flight would be?

MC, no.

For five years I have been trying to put my life back together. Forget everything the missing Hannah Donfort case has brought to my life. Because this case has completely and irrevocably destroyed my old life.

After the mine explosion, Richy's funeral, and Jake's loss, I'd become a shadow of myself. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. Soon I began to fight my despair with alcohol and parties. I tried to find my dying need and longing for Jake in other men. But no one compared to him. I didn't even know what he looked like or what he sounded like. So why was I so fucked up that I couldn't forget him?

But after two hard years, the first rays of the sun came. I realized that I needed professional help to move on. I wanted to feel alive again, not just existing. Of course, there were times when in the evenings I would sit staring at a blank wall and reminisce. I was reminiscing about the good times spent with my old friends. All the small talks with Jessy. Jokes with Richy.

But there have been no dark moments for so long. I moved on.

And then, as usual, it had to fucked up. Ceremonial, with fireworks fucked up.

My pointless staring at the cluster of letters was interrupted by the loud vibration of my phone. I snapped out of my trance and checked who had disturbed the storm in my mind.

RYAN: You, me, dinner, wine and a movie?

I sighed heavily, trying to force a smile.This news reminded me that Duskwood had done me nothing good. I won a whole new life in which there was no room for either of them.

MC: You don't have to ask twice!

I clenched my jaw as I stared at the fireplace as flames engulfed the wedding invitation. They burned an old part of me.

* * *

I dressed as quietly as I could so as not to wake the boy who was sound asleep. It was almost three in the morning, and I didn't want to stay at Ryan's. I didn't want to wake up next to him in the morning, have breakfast together, and then say goodbye when we both had to go to work. Why? I told myself that I just wasn't made for relationships. I really wanted to believe it. I didn't want to be a bitch who used others for her own pleasure.

That fucking invitation made me think about him again. Even a moment ago, when I was fucking a boy who is in love with me, I was thinking about someone else. I thought about the black-haired wanted criminal who had hacked my mind as well as my heart.

As I was at the door, I heard his hoarse voice.

– I'll never be anything more to you, will I?

With a heavy heart, I turned to look into his brown eyes, where I saw no hatred. I saw understood pain. Because both Ryan and I knew that in the reflection of his brown irises I was still looking for those wistful blue ones.

* * *

I closed the door to my apartment and without even taking off my coat, I walked towards the living room. I glanced briefly in the mirror, again not recognizing myself. I had just broken another person's heart and my face remained stone and so... distant.

– Fucking Jake. – I spat out my first emotion in a long time. Unfortunately, it was anger.

I reached my hand into the drawer where I kept the medication the psychiatrist had given me. My movements were programmed. I've done it millions of times. Without any emotion, I spilled two white pills and placed them on my tongue. Just as I was about to swallow them, my eyes fell on the bar across the room. And it was only a moment. Impulse.

I rushed over to it and opened it. I pulled out the first bottle of vodka I came across and opened it quickly. I didn't even wonder anymore. I spat out two pills that rolled across the floor, then pressed my lips to the neck of the glass. I furrowed my face, feeling the terrible burning in my throat, but I didn't stop. I kept drinking.

I drank until I stopped feeling a little bit.

Common sense screaming for me to stop was completely silenced. At least until I heard my phone vibrate again. I was ready to explain to Ryan that our relationship, although not official, was a mistake and I had never felt anything for him, but I was confused to see that someone texted me from an unknown number.

UNKNOWN NUMBER: MC?

What the fuck? Who are you and why do you bother me drinking another goodbye I caused?

Yes, do I know you?

Deja vu, right? That's how it all started five years ago.

It's me, Lily. I am sorry for writing so late. Did you get an invite?

My breathing quickened. Lilly Donfort broke the tense silence between us after five years.

I did.

I answered briefly and coldly, but I couldn't help it. I also couldn't get out of the conversation and block the blonde's number, even though common sense told me to. But heart and reason rarely listen to each other.

I know you want nothing to do with us.

No shit sherlock.

But it's really important

I snorted and quickly typed out a reply.

I'm not solving your problems anymore

I know

It's about Jessy

My eyes opened tighter. I didn't even have the strength to pretend that the mention of Jessy hadn't moved me.

She's in really bad condition

MC, I'm begging you, only you can help her

One day, five years ago, Jake was right once again. I let my emotions cloud my judgement. So it was this time.

No matter how much time passed, the traumatic events connected me with Jessy forever. With a fragile, red-haired girl whom I had only ever seen cry at our friend's funeral.

Swallowing another sip of alcohol that hurt my throat painfully, I bought a plane ticket to a dark little town called Duskwood.

"There's no good reason in make believing

That we could ever exist again"

Conan Grey

jake are you on drugs

masterlist

JakexMC

Dark Paradise / Jake's life 3 years after Hannah was found.

World where we don't collide / MC's therapy after 5 years since Hannah was found

Without you / Richy's funeral and how MC is coping after the mine fire.

Memories / After receiving an invitation to Hannah and Thomas' wedding, MC tries to get back to her life, but the demons of her past catch up with her faster than she could have expected.

Another Love: this fanfiction will tackle heavy topics such as mental health and violence. there will be sex scenes.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

L.E.S. (smut)

I wanna be yours (smut)

Shameless (smut)

Fourth of July

Favorite crime MWAF!JakexMC

Together

Silence

In the stars

Nobody but us

Lost without you

🔵 - angst, sad

🟠 - fluff

🔴 - mature

Other Duskwood characters:

Partners in crime (HannahxMC)

I MEAN-

if we not get words like this in new game i swear to you

are you ready to be heartbroken because of fic about jake's mother?