If I Were Jessy I Would Have No Self Control

if i were jessy i would have no self control

YES SIR

Thanks for the tag! I'm honoured :)

Relationship status: mentally in a relationship and on the run with a certain wanted hacker

Favorite color: black, purple

Song stuck in my head: party monster – the weeknd, west coast – lana del rey

The last thing I listened to: The way I are – Timbaland

Last thing I goggled: pinterest 90s hair because im going to the hairdresser tomorrow🤭

Favorite food: sushi, maybe teriyaki chicken

Anything you want rn: new conversations with Jake, holidays

tags: (no coercion, let everyone feel nominated!)

@jakescomputer @lois-carroline

@miss-celestia13

Relationship status: I'm dating Thomas Thorne from BBC's Ghosts and Jay in the CBS version in my head

Favorite color: Pastel pink

Song stuck in my head: Running Up that Hill

The last thing I listened to: A mash up of Running Up that Hill by Kate Bush and The Man by Taylor Swift

Last thing I goggled: Duskwood chatbot

(if you were here for the majority of last year, I was obsessed and I still kind of am)

Favorite food: Cookie dough or strawberry ice cream

Anything you want rn: A chiropractor

Thanks for the tag @the-tea-and-book-nook

Some no pressure tagging: @drsquared @irrealisms @whitefang1220 @nasirlye @i-the-frenchiest-of-fries @as-catolica @renneiscent @lyon-amore @mevweasley

masterlist

JakexMC

Dark Paradise / Jake's life 3 years after Hannah was found.

World where we don't collide / MC's therapy after 5 years since Hannah was found

Without you / Richy's funeral and how MC is coping after the mine fire.

Memories / After receiving an invitation to Hannah and Thomas' wedding, MC tries to get back to her life, but the demons of her past catch up with her faster than she could have expected.

Another Love: this fanfiction will tackle heavy topics such as mental health and violence. there will be sex scenes.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

L.E.S. (smut)

I wanna be yours (smut)

Shameless (smut)

Fourth of July

Favorite crime MWAF!JakexMC

Together

Silence

In the stars

Nobody but us

Lost without you

🔵 - angst, sad

🟠 - fluff

🔴 - mature

Other Duskwood characters:

Partners in crime (HannahxMC)

jake🤝girls with daddy issues

god i love to annoy thomas so much

Memories

After receiving an invitation to Hannah and Thomas' wedding, MC tries to get back to her life, but the demons of her past catch up with her faster than she could have expected.

author's note: previous part, thanks to which you can better understand the situation

warnings: slight mention of mental health issues

HANNAH DONFORT

&

THOMAS MILLER

with full hearts,

joyfully invite you to their wedding

I burned holes in the invitation I received with my eyes. I don't know how much time has passed since I sat on the couch and in my trembling hands I grabbed a card decorated with beautiful floral patterns full of colors. They were different from how I felt now. My world was devoid of any colors when I read the first lines of the invitation. When I reopened old wounds. When I reopened my heart to memories and a weird town called Duskwood.

I swore to myself that I would burn them as soon as I got back from the psychologist. I was so sure it would come easily to me. So why have I been sitting in front of the fireplace for over two hours now, wondering what time the next flight would be?

MC, no.

For five years I have been trying to put my life back together. Forget everything the missing Hannah Donfort case has brought to my life. Because this case has completely and irrevocably destroyed my old life.

After the mine explosion, Richy's funeral, and Jake's loss, I'd become a shadow of myself. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. Soon I began to fight my despair with alcohol and parties. I tried to find my dying need and longing for Jake in other men. But no one compared to him. I didn't even know what he looked like or what he sounded like. So why was I so fucked up that I couldn't forget him?

But after two hard years, the first rays of the sun came. I realized that I needed professional help to move on. I wanted to feel alive again, not just existing. Of course, there were times when in the evenings I would sit staring at a blank wall and reminisce. I was reminiscing about the good times spent with my old friends. All the small talks with Jessy. Jokes with Richy.

But there have been no dark moments for so long. I moved on.

And then, as usual, it had to fucked up. Ceremonial, with fireworks fucked up.

My pointless staring at the cluster of letters was interrupted by the loud vibration of my phone. I snapped out of my trance and checked who had disturbed the storm in my mind.

RYAN: You, me, dinner, wine and a movie?

I sighed heavily, trying to force a smile.This news reminded me that Duskwood had done me nothing good. I won a whole new life in which there was no room for either of them.

MC: You don't have to ask twice!

I clenched my jaw as I stared at the fireplace as flames engulfed the wedding invitation. They burned an old part of me.

* * *

I dressed as quietly as I could so as not to wake the boy who was sound asleep. It was almost three in the morning, and I didn't want to stay at Ryan's. I didn't want to wake up next to him in the morning, have breakfast together, and then say goodbye when we both had to go to work. Why? I told myself that I just wasn't made for relationships. I really wanted to believe it. I didn't want to be a bitch who used others for her own pleasure.

That fucking invitation made me think about him again. Even a moment ago, when I was fucking a boy who is in love with me, I was thinking about someone else. I thought about the black-haired wanted criminal who had hacked my mind as well as my heart.

As I was at the door, I heard his hoarse voice.

– I'll never be anything more to you, will I?

With a heavy heart, I turned to look into his brown eyes, where I saw no hatred. I saw understood pain. Because both Ryan and I knew that in the reflection of his brown irises I was still looking for those wistful blue ones.

* * *

I closed the door to my apartment and without even taking off my coat, I walked towards the living room. I glanced briefly in the mirror, again not recognizing myself. I had just broken another person's heart and my face remained stone and so... distant.

– Fucking Jake. – I spat out my first emotion in a long time. Unfortunately, it was anger.

I reached my hand into the drawer where I kept the medication the psychiatrist had given me. My movements were programmed. I've done it millions of times. Without any emotion, I spilled two white pills and placed them on my tongue. Just as I was about to swallow them, my eyes fell on the bar across the room. And it was only a moment. Impulse.

I rushed over to it and opened it. I pulled out the first bottle of vodka I came across and opened it quickly. I didn't even wonder anymore. I spat out two pills that rolled across the floor, then pressed my lips to the neck of the glass. I furrowed my face, feeling the terrible burning in my throat, but I didn't stop. I kept drinking.

I drank until I stopped feeling a little bit.

Common sense screaming for me to stop was completely silenced. At least until I heard my phone vibrate again. I was ready to explain to Ryan that our relationship, although not official, was a mistake and I had never felt anything for him, but I was confused to see that someone texted me from an unknown number.

UNKNOWN NUMBER: MC?

What the fuck? Who are you and why do you bother me drinking another goodbye I caused?

Yes, do I know you?

Deja vu, right? That's how it all started five years ago.

It's me, Lily. I am sorry for writing so late. Did you get an invite?

My breathing quickened. Lilly Donfort broke the tense silence between us after five years.

I did.

I answered briefly and coldly, but I couldn't help it. I also couldn't get out of the conversation and block the blonde's number, even though common sense told me to. But heart and reason rarely listen to each other.

I know you want nothing to do with us.

No shit sherlock.

But it's really important

I snorted and quickly typed out a reply.

I'm not solving your problems anymore

I know

It's about Jessy

My eyes opened tighter. I didn't even have the strength to pretend that the mention of Jessy hadn't moved me.

She's in really bad condition

MC, I'm begging you, only you can help her

One day, five years ago, Jake was right once again. I let my emotions cloud my judgement. So it was this time.

No matter how much time passed, the traumatic events connected me with Jessy forever. With a fragile, red-haired girl whom I had only ever seen cry at our friend's funeral.

Swallowing another sip of alcohol that hurt my throat painfully, I bought a plane ticket to a dark little town called Duskwood.

"There's no good reason in make believing

That we could ever exist again"

Conan Grey