Im Drowning In My Tears

im drowning in my tears

Dark paradise

Short story about Jake's life after Hannah was found.

warnings: Jake's POV, mention of sex, slightly different version of Jake that you rarely see here

*3 years after finding Hannah*

Tired, I opened the door and a pleasant smell entered my nostrils. Home. It smelled like home. That was a pleasant mix of the smell of dinner being cooked, the warmth, and the plants she cared so much for. Exactly, she was the reason that I could call this apartment home. Her perfume, scent and presence weresomething to call these four empty walls home.

With a sigh, I hung my coat on the rack and headed towards the kitchen, where I could hear the faint clinking of pots. I stood in the doorway, leaning my shoulder against the doorframe and crossing my arms over my chest. I watched with delight as my fiancée stood with her back to me, stirred something in the pot and at the same time rocked to the song that was played from the loudspeaker. The corner of my mouth went up as I recognized it as "Hips don't lie" by Shakira. MC was wearing my gray sweatpants and a black T-shirt with the word GHOSTBUSTER engraved on the back that I had given her for Christmas. I had an identical one. She wiggled her hips and sang one of her favorite songs, oblivious to my presence. She was too focused on cooking and dancing to hear me open the door. I loved seeing her like this. When she didn't care about anything at all, when she was completely happy and devoted. I loved the way she moved her body because damn. She did it damn well.

And that really made me want to learn to speak Spanish.

Finally, the young woman turned to reach for the plate on the table. When her eyes landed on me, she jumped up and screamed softly. My smile only grew bigger, so I moved towards her to place the sweet kiss on her lips that I had been craving all morning. MC turned around and turned off the speaker, then turned back to me. She placed a hand on her chest, trying to control her breathing.

– Christ, Jake. Don't scare me like that unless you want me to have a heart attack before we get married. – she said and I leaned in to kiss her. Her lips tasted the same. They were sweet and addictive. Her hair was shiny and soft. They smelled like the shampoo she'd used for as long as I could remember. Her skin was smooth and so silky that I wanted to melt into it forever. Her beautiful eyes were filled with love and tenderness. She was my mainstay of safety.

– Never. First you will be my wife, and then I will scare you every day as long as you wait for me here. – I murmured into her mouth which made her giggle

– Two more months, Mr. Donfort, and then we'll be married. – she replied and kissed me. Hot and passionately.

I pushed her to sit on the counter. She immediately wrapped her legs around my waist and I started hungrily devour her neck. Oh my god how much I adored her. I loved her whole, more and more every day if that was even possible. Moans came out of her mouth and I felt my own erection. Soon she grabbed my hair and pulled hard to tear me away from her skin, which made me look at her a bit hazy.

– First dinner, then dessert. – she said, smiling slyly. – I can't wait for you to tell me about your day at work.

That was our daily routine. I came home from work and she was waiting for me. We talked about our days, listening to each other with delight. It felt like a dream.

– Living with you is a dream I never want to wake up from.

She leaned down to my lips an..

I woke up abruptly.

I looked half-consciously around the room I was in. It was dark. The only light that illuminated it came from the computer in front of me. I groaned softly as I realized how hurt I was. I must have fallen asleep in the chair at the laptop where I was working to confuse my pursuers.I froze, breathing quickly and shallowly as fragments of my dream began to reach me. I clenched my jaw and fists, remembering literally everything. Damn it! It was so good already. It was getting better, I didn't think about her as much as before. The last dream or daydream about her was three days ago.

For the past three days, I've been free from memories of her.

And now it's all started all over again. My loneliness made itself felt again. I felt like I was dead, I believed I was in purgatory, and my punishment was her. MC. The girl who's been stalking me almost every night and day for the last five fucking years.

As I stood in front of the mirror in a dingy motel bathroom across the globe from her, I felt self-hatred and disgusted. I was so weak. Five years ago I wrote to her that I was at her mercy. After all these years, nothing has changed. She still had me and I hated it so much. After what happened in the mine, I never wrote to her again. Throughout the search for Hannah, I knew this moment would come. I knew that eventually I would have to break her heart, break her whole, but I kept pushing our relationship further and further. It was incredible nice feeling, after all these years, to feel that someone cares about you. I was totally addicted to it and couldn't stop it. At first I tried to fight this feeling, but eventually I gave up. I knew that I wasn't able to give her safety and I couldn't let her run away with me. I was the asshole who confessed his love to her and then left her without even saying goodbye.

I'm weak, I thought as my fist hit the mirror. The glass shattered into millions of pieces, hurting my hands, but even that pain was nothing compared to my still bleeding heart.

* * *

The next night the dreams came again. I woke up drenched afterwards. My hands and my whole body were shaking. I immediately drank half a bottle of water and then vomited all morning. It was worse than usual because I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything in over two days. It's been a long time since I felt such pain in my stomach, when all I was throwing out was bile and saliva. I spent over 2 hours lying on the cold tiles. I lost consciousness a few times and I think I had a fever. There was nothing I could do to help myself. Barely alive, after closing my eyes, over the toilet bowl, I saw her face in my mind. I started vomiting again. How romantic.

When I had recovered a bit, I swallowed a handful of pills I found in my backpack. Some of them were just painkillers and others were something I couldn't even name. I needed some drugs to be able to ensure my survival.

Quickly looking at how far away my pursuers were, I called Mercedes. The government was far enough away that I could afford a little pleasure while still in Colville. Mercedes was something of a prostitute with whom I had quite a long relation. Whenever I was around, I would meet her when I needed a... distraction.

The woman immediately agreed. I heard a knock on the door not even an hour later. Our clothes quickly ended up on the floor because girl didn't bother to talk. Neither do I. Sex with her was the same as always. No. Today was better, best of all the times I've had sex with Mercedes ever. I felt better because I was thinking of someone else when I was fucking her.

I was thinking about the fucking MC.

Mercedes smirked slightly as she put her skimpy clothes back on. She was smoking a cigarette while I tossed her money for her service. I was feeling fucking sick again, and I couldn't get the bile taste out of my throat.

Mercedes left, but this time she didn't say she loved my body like she always did. This time she gave me a mocking smirk so that next time I wouldn't call her MC, and today I reportedly did it six times.

I definetely needed more drugs. Or alcohol. Or their mixtures.

"Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine

But I wish I was dead

Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side" — Lana Del Rey

i just watched hannibal and

will graham as jake???

jake are you on drugs

jake🤝girls with daddy issues

masterlist

JakexMC

Dark Paradise / Jake's life 3 years after Hannah was found.

World where we don't collide / MC's therapy after 5 years since Hannah was found

Without you / Richy's funeral and how MC is coping after the mine fire.

Memories / After receiving an invitation to Hannah and Thomas' wedding, MC tries to get back to her life, but the demons of her past catch up with her faster than she could have expected.

Another Love: this fanfiction will tackle heavy topics such as mental health and violence. there will be sex scenes.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

L.E.S. (smut)

I wanna be yours (smut)

Shameless (smut)

Fourth of July

Favorite crime MWAF!JakexMC

Together

Silence

In the stars

Nobody but us

Lost without you

🔵 - angst, sad

🟠 - fluff

🔴 - mature

Other Duskwood characters:

Partners in crime (HannahxMC)