Comment From The Following Story: What's The Nastiest Thing You've Ever Seen In The Subway?

Comment from the following story: What's the nastiest thing you've ever seen in the subway?

Stuff like this is why I always read the comments at Gawker. No other website gets this distinction (blogs are exempt from this rule). This particular comment caught my eye because it has so much: a narrator (commenter), a villain (damn hipster!), an anti-hero (tiny puking asian man) and a movie like quality (check that last line. It's like a cherry on top).

I always read the comments here because there's just so much gold. Mostly because the commenters, like the writers, tend to be smart and funny and sarcastic. Partially because the first dickhead to spit out a youtube style comment ("1st!!1!!" "FAKE!!!") will get devoured like the last piece of fried chicken in the ghetto. I appreciate that sort of spirit in an internet community. It's a sign of quality.

soupsoup:

itsbedtime:

This song has been blowing my mind for a hot minute now. BLOWING MY MIND.

Commodores : Nightshift

One of the greatest tribute songs ever. I've spent a good chunk of the morning grooving to it and you should too

Cigarettes and Porn

So, some guy wants NZ to only sell cigarettes in adult shops. That means that cigarettes are just as bad as porn!

Let me just take a deep breath and count to five.

WTF!!!

Was that supposed to put me off?  I've already given up smoking, but I'm getting tempted to take it up again. If there's a chance that I can pick up a sweet pack of cancer sticks and a Shane Jones-approved movie at the same time, then shit. I'm in! After all, everyone knows that cigarettes taste better after sex. You learn that from watching (mainstream) movies.

Okay, I understand that cigarettes cause cancer and can harm my unborn baby (even though I'd be amazed if anything managed to survive in my uterus). I know it makes you smell bad and gives you wrinkles. I know it's bad for you. The whole world knows it's bad for you. I used to smoke and I remember the bad side of it all. I'm aware that it was the worst thing I could do to myself. I'm the child of a smoker - I've seen the worst that can happen. I get the message. I really do.

I still want a smoke though. You can increase the price, stop the smoking ads, tell all the kids that smoking ain't cool and reduce the price of nicotine patches. Go ahead. I'm a big fan of all these things. But people are still gonna smoke, especially when you make it a commodity that's expensive and hard-to-get. It goes double when you try to give it a 'bad' image. I'm not saying that people should give up the fight to stop smoking. I'm just saying that they should be smarter about it. I stopped smoking for one reason - it gives me wrinkles. Smoking highlights wrinkles and makes you look older. Seriously, look at anyone who's been smoking for years. Check the lines on their face. People should really play this up more. It should be on cigarette packs. Do you want to look like a dried up hag when you're in your twenties? No, didn't think so. 

I understand that people don't want smoking to be a part of their lives and have made a conscious choice to make this happen. That's great and I congratulate them on their willpower and their choice. They are officially awesome - until they decide to enforce their ways on me. That's not cool. I'm getting seriously annoyed at paying the price for someone else's regret. What the hell happened to personal choice? When did it become a dirty word? When I smoked, I did it because I wanted to. Enforcing your 'no smoking' world on me is gonna activate my nicotine cough and make my backhand itchy.

Unfortunately, I've been in around long enough to know that these people are not gonna quit. So, to those bastards people, I say this: You want to sell cigarettes in adult shops? Well, that's fine. Adult stores are almost always open, and you can get your porn at the same time. Score!

I agree with Simon Sweetman

Yeah, I know. I'm just as surprised as you are.

The man in question (I'm not gonna say his name again. It already appears in the title and that's more of him than I can take) called out people who ventured their opinion about hip hop being a passing fad (see comments here) and bitch slapped them.

That wasn't a wholly accurate summary. The opinions on hip hop ranged from one guy saying that the genre had "talentless morons with gold teeth wearing their hats on sideways endlessly telling us how much 'bling' they have" to another saying that hip hop had "morons going on about how bad they think they are and how good they think they are with the opposite gender" to others talking about how hip hop promotes mindless violence. Seriously, bitch? Your beef with hip hop stems from that? Well shit, if that's going to be the deciding factor then yeah, let's play.

Firstly, I'm not going to call them racist. I don't play the race card unless it's blatantly obvious. This isn't blatant enough for me. I will call them ignorant for judging a whole genre of music on a few dickheads (Lil John, T-Pain, 50 Cent etc I'm looking at you) who plaster themselves with grills, long chains and an inability to speak English properly. This is not the entirety of hip hop. It's a few people who hog the cameras. There are artists such as P.O.S, Nas, Erykah Badu, Janelle Monae (big ups to Mr Sweetman for naming her), The Roots, Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Raekwon and RZA to name a few who are producing quality work that is both thought provoking and has an awesome beat. This is music that resonates with people because it's raw and gritty with powerful lyrics. You think hip hop is violent and demeaning to women? Go listen to Video or Brown Skin by Erykah Badu. You think there's nothing intelligent in hip hop lyrics? Go listen to anything by Lupe Fiasco or P.O.S. You think people in hip hop are morons? Go play chess against the GZA. He's one of the founders of the Hip Hop Chess Federation. Get out there and know your shit before you spout off and look like an idiot.

Hip hop isn't just morons - it's a whole spectre of people and music. Some of it's good, some of it's bad. Just like everywhere else. But don't go judging something on a few badly put-together tracks that play on C4 or the local radio station 25 times a day. Explore some other sounds. If you want to remain ignorant to the genre then fine. That's all good. But don't make a blanket judgement until you're actually well-informed.Anyone who knows me knows that I'm passionate about pop culture. I could wank on about it for hours and hours (and I have). If you're gonna have a stupid opinion about pop culture and you're gonna defend it then you better bring your A game. You can be damn sure I'll be coming in with both guns firing. I agree that opinions are just opinions. People are allowed to have them. I'm letting you know that I have an opinion too - if you stand on your soapbox and talk about your an opinion on something and you don't know your shit, then you deserve the burns that will follow.

Man, this is a long rant. I should stop.

Oh, one more thing before I sign off - my favourite music genre isn't hip hop. It's electronica.

She's just not that into you

So, there's this guy...

Those words are enough to set off a bit of excitement amongst my friends (that, and "free!") or at least make them listen really closely. But it's not like that this time.

So, there's this guy and he's really annoying.

His lack of social skills is a driving me nuts hard to deal with. And by that, I mean the following:

Talking down to people

Clicking your fingers at me - this is punishable by death! You've been warned. If it happens one more time imma fill your world with pain.

Calling a girl fat - I still can't believe you did this. Don't ever do this. Even if she calls herself fat, don't agree with her and especially don't laugh about it. Pretend the comment didn't happen. Christ, what is wrong with you?

Don't call me a boozehag. You aren't my friend. You haven't gotten me drunk and/or put up with my crap while I'm drunk and/or nursed me through the awful day after, so you aren't entitled to say this.

I know you're smart. We all know you're smart. Did you think you were the only smart person here?

Um...he's boring?

Anyways, I can put up with all of this as long as I can rant to my friends about occasionally and cringe behind his back. But now he's hitting on my non-single, non-interested friend. Watching this play out is one of my daily pieces of entertainment: his excitement at seeing her, the nervous OMG-it's-him-again-why-won't-he-take-the-damn-hint tone to her voice - it's all gold.

But now I'm starting to feel sorry for him. Poor dude ain't got game, and it's embarrassing to watch. I pity the poor fool. I wanna help him, even though my track record ain't nothing to boast about. Although there was this one period where everything was just gravy. Good times, (damn) good memories, good boasting stories. Ahh. Where was I? Oh yeah, tips for this poor boy.

So, you ain't got game but you still wanna get laid? A few pointers:

Note: These are just my tips. I don't speak on behalf of all girls. Take it with a grain, or a massive truck load, of salt.

Figure out if she's actually interested. This is key. If she gives you tips to ask out other girls, she probably isn't interested. This doesn't apply to everyone, but it's a good general rule.

Aim low. Women can smell desperation. Get a track record, know your stuff, then come back for what you really want.

She may not always do what her friends say, but she will listen. So be nice and don't call one of them fat. Jeez...

Confidence. Everyone responds to it, not just women. I would give you more advice on this, but I have a mad tendency to go beyond confidence and become egotistical and arrogant.

Ask that friend. Everyone knows someone who gets mad amounts of ass. Talk to the guy and get some pointers. He won't be mad at you, but he will laugh. Then afterwards, he'll give you the advice you need.

That should be enough. Hopefully it helps. Oh, and I feel I have to say this one more time:

Dude, she's not into you.

twism:

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Alexander Skarsgard has signed on to star in Battleship. Here’s the BEST part: He’ll be playing Taylor Kitsch’s brother, ooh rah! Alex will reportedly be playing a straight and narrow naval officer, while Taylor will be the wildly spirited naval officer who idolizes his brother. You know what, the movie’s probably gonna be cheesy and all, but hey, IT’S ALEX AND TAYLOR, WEARING MILITARY UNIFORMS, IN THE SAME MOVIE. I rest my case.

I plan to see this movie for it's incredible plot. And by "plot", I mean "ridiculously hot scandinavian-looking boys in uniform".