Nz - Tumblr Posts
#bluebridge #ferry #picton #nz #photography #nature (at Picton Victoria Domain)
#auckland #aucklandcity #nz #newzealand #skycity (at Queen Street, Auckland)
#lookout #marlboroughsounds #landscape #nature #nz (at Lochmara Lodge)
Finding out that somebody online is also from Aotearoa is a terrifying experience, because we're all only two degrees of separation away from each other in this fuckin country and that is far too high of a probability of a random person on the internet who sees me posting fanfiction knowing my parents irl.
I swear its always like 'oh yeah Jacinda's my cousin' (Jacinda Ardern is our former PM through covid) or 'I went on a harrowing journey through the fires of mount doom with your mother forging a bond that can never be broken.... how's she been doing recently by the way?'
Finding out that somebody online is also from Aotearoa is a terrifying experience, because we're all only two degrees of separation away from each other in this fuckin country and that is far too high of a probability of a random person on the internet who sees me posting fanfiction knowing my parents irl.
Who are you voting for this Bird of the Year?
People not from Aotearoa may not know this, but every year there is a national election for the bird of the year. It gets cutthroat, and was the actual 2020 election that featured significant voter fraud. You may remember last year that John Oliver got really excited about a bird? The puteketeke?
So- want to vote in a foreign election? Want to experience the epic highs and lows of NZ bird politics? Want to experience the joy of ranked choice voting?
Propaganda under the cut :)
Kārearea: The kārearea is always my first pick. We have a special relationship ever since I was violently attacked by one while I was lost hiking and trying to figure out where I was. Its actually quite terrifying to see a falcon speeding silently towards you at your eye level. Mad respect.
Kea: Deeply seriousness birds and they know it. One tried to steal my shoelaces once. While they were on my feet. These parrots are too smart for their own good. They set off predator traps on purpose because they like to make things go bang. They have been known to use road cones to redirect traffic according to their whims.
Mohua: I was adopted by a flock of these birds when we were hiking and my dad played their song to try bring them in. They instantly swarmed around us and looked very confused as we were very large birds, but all are welcome in the family I guess. They are known to welcome other species into their flocks.
Kererū: FAT FUCKS! These guys are really fat pigeons and in summer they get drunk off fermented fruit and fall out of trees. They consistently forget how heavy they are and misjudge their ability to land on trees.
Pūteketeke: John Oliver's pick in the last election. They have floating nests and funky mating dances :D
Tokoeka: a species of kiwi, their name translates to 'weka with a walking stick'. They're very fluffy and wiggle their buts when they forage.
Takahē: They were thought extinct but were rediscovered! They're very dinosaur looking birds, but the two in a sanctuary still harass my uncle for food (they're elderly advocate birds). 10/10 on the orb rating
Kākāpō: Another super rare bird. Stephen Fry made a documentary about them, and one of the birds started shagging the guide's head. They don't fly but look super cute.
Titipounamu: another very orbular bird. These are tiny lil guys and have a call that sounds like laser guns.
Ruru: Who doesn't love an owl with those big eyes and swivelly head? They've been making a comeback in NZ cities! Also feature on Sir Terry Pratchett's coat of arms
Weka: A common bird but no less charming. Little menaces they will try and steal your food, and will also walk through your bivvy while you're sleeping.
Mkay so we weren't going to talk about anything related too closely to our country for privacy reasons
However,
After today
I say fuck that.
I want the world to know that the present New Zealand government has just removed most kinds of usable funding for disabled people. Without speaking to the disabled community. And said they are doing it for the benefit of the community.
I never saw myself saying this but I'm with Guy Fawkes. Burn the government to the ground.
Did I have to turn this into a sex joke? Probably not
Did I do it anyway? Yep.
Whooohooo! Guess who's enrolled to vote 😎😎
(I am not in America, just making that super damn clear lol)
BUT IF YOU A R E OF VOTING AGE, ANYWHERE, MAKE SURE YOU'RE ENROLLED.
WHOOOHOOOO GET GAYYYYYY
This is awesome info! Link
Things I love about living in New Zealand
native bush
native wildlife
beautiful beaches
Things I do NOT like about New Zealand
Earthquakes.... the bloody great fault lines that run under a good portion of the country
GOAL!
Holy shit! New Zealand scored a goal!
I'm sure I'm not the only person in NZ who's surprised.
WELL DONE BOYS!
I'm loving the fact that football is finally getting an audience in NZ. I'm not a rugby fan, so this pleases me greatly.
Yeah, NZ isn't the best team at the Fifa World Cup. However, the All Blacks aren't looking too shit-hot are they?
Because it's important
Most of the short life of this blog has been consisted of me doing two things: ranting and being a smart-arse. Which is good. It's what I do. This post is different. Suck it up.
While doing a google search for more info on prostate cancer I stumbled upon a blog about one NZ man's journey as he deals with prostate cancer. It is honest, clear, simple, thorough and informative. Above all, it's incredibly, almost brutally, personal. I couldn't stop reading it.
The whole website is wonderfully informative - filled with links, news stories, survivor stories, treatment and dietary advice, ethnic issues and a load of other information. Prostate cancer claims the lives of so many NZ men and it's important to have blogs like that which inform people in such a simple way. The author exposes so much. It's kinda breathtaking.
Why am I telling you this? While reading it I was shocked to find that I knew the author of this blog. His name is Jim Tucker and he taught me how to write. His voice still haunts me whenever I type out a badly worded sentence (this is alarmingly often). I will be forever grateful to him for accepting me in his Journalism course while I was still a wildly arrogant, unconfident, shit-for-brains kid and giving me the foundation to achieve my childhood dream of becoming a storyteller. He's currently the journalism tutor at Whitireia. So, here's to you, Mr Tucker. My small shout-out to the man who taught me how to "fill in the spaces between the ads" in newspapers.
Now, back to the regularly scheduled snark and rant.
2010fifaworldcup:
dubliner:
taf:
New Zealand drew with Italy 1-1 this morning.
The All Whites are ranked 78th in the world, while the Azzuri are ranked 5th.
Fuck yeah!
(This Reuters shot is from the game with Slovakia, which they also drew 1-1. How amazing is it? I bet the photographer creamed their pants when they saw it.)
Man, if I was the Italian Footbal team I'd be praying, like really praying, that the Mob hadn't placed any massive bets on this game.
You can see the thoughts of every player in this photo:
Goalie - What the fuck?!?
Italian Player - <gasp> OMFG!!
Kiwi Player - FUCK! YEAH! BITCHES!!! <followed by manic hip thrusting, removal of shirt and victory lap around bewildered Italian players>
Cigarettes and Porn
So, some guy wants NZ to only sell cigarettes in adult shops. That means that cigarettes are just as bad as porn!
Let me just take a deep breath and count to five.
WTF!!!
Was that supposed to put me off? I've already given up smoking, but I'm getting tempted to take it up again. If there's a chance that I can pick up a sweet pack of cancer sticks and a Shane Jones-approved movie at the same time, then shit. I'm in! After all, everyone knows that cigarettes taste better after sex. You learn that from watching (mainstream) movies.
Okay, I understand that cigarettes cause cancer and can harm my unborn baby (even though I'd be amazed if anything managed to survive in my uterus). I know it makes you smell bad and gives you wrinkles. I know it's bad for you. The whole world knows it's bad for you. I used to smoke and I remember the bad side of it all. I'm aware that it was the worst thing I could do to myself. I'm the child of a smoker - I've seen the worst that can happen. I get the message. I really do.
I still want a smoke though. You can increase the price, stop the smoking ads, tell all the kids that smoking ain't cool and reduce the price of nicotine patches. Go ahead. I'm a big fan of all these things. But people are still gonna smoke, especially when you make it a commodity that's expensive and hard-to-get. It goes double when you try to give it a 'bad' image. I'm not saying that people should give up the fight to stop smoking. I'm just saying that they should be smarter about it. I stopped smoking for one reason - it gives me wrinkles. Smoking highlights wrinkles and makes you look older. Seriously, look at anyone who's been smoking for years. Check the lines on their face. People should really play this up more. It should be on cigarette packs. Do you want to look like a dried up hag when you're in your twenties? No, didn't think so.
I understand that people don't want smoking to be a part of their lives and have made a conscious choice to make this happen. That's great and I congratulate them on their willpower and their choice. They are officially awesome - until they decide to enforce their ways on me. That's not cool. I'm getting seriously annoyed at paying the price for someone else's regret. What the hell happened to personal choice? When did it become a dirty word? When I smoked, I did it because I wanted to. Enforcing your 'no smoking' world on me is gonna activate my nicotine cough and make my backhand itchy.
Unfortunately, I've been in around long enough to know that these people are not gonna quit. So, to those bastards people, I say this: You want to sell cigarettes in adult shops? Well, that's fine. Adult stores are almost always open, and you can get your porn at the same time. Score!
agentpoptart:
I watch Rugby for the men and the shorts. I watch football for the same reason.
If the team wins, then that's a nice bonus.
Rugby; Where being a Queen is bad but being a Whore is a wonderful thing.
So, this is a tumblr. In the world of tumblr there is a popular meme called Topless Tuesday. In NZ, it is a Tuesday.
TOPLESS TUESDAY!!
Once you click on the link (embedded in the heading) you get taken straight to a neat little interactive thingy that has 5 Super 14 Players. They are all top-notch to look at and probably heinous to drink around (except for Jimmy Cowan who has reportedly sobered up some since his infamous smackdown 2 years ago) and then you'll be able to make the players take part in one of the most popular traditions of Rugby - shirt swapping! Pick any two players and make them swap shirts. There is even a slow motion option available.
This is actually quite an old link. Do I care? Hell no! Apparently this was an ad campaign to draw attention to the players shirts? I don't know. I don't really care. Let's face it, you probably don't care either. I'm gonna go ahead and say this is safe for work. I'm probably wrong.
Yes, I do have an idea for a proper post today. I just wanted a reason to talk about this.
No more smoking for prisoners!
Judith Collins is either a complete badass or is on a suicide mission. It's hard to tell at this point.
Collins announced yesterday that smoking is to be banned in prisons from 1 July 2011. This will be known as the day when prisoners all over the country start experiencing nicotine withdrawal symptoms. Damn, I would not want to be anywhere near a prison that week.
Prisoners and smoking - it's a natural combination. I know this is true, because I see it on films and TV. And they never lie to us! Collins seems to have other ideas.
Why is it that every other workplace can be smokefree except for Corrections? I find that unfair
Say what? Man, the prison guards probably have a very different definition of 'unfair'.
I'm a fan of banning smoking from the workplace. Banning smoking from, say, the offices of an accountancy firm is kinda sucky, but you'll live. Office workers will bitch to hell and back if you ban smoking. In extreme cases, there may even be an email petition but they will eventually step into line or find another job. Banning smoking from a prison is hella sucky and you are almost guaranteed a riot. Shit will get real.
In all seriousness, I understand banning smoking from inside prison cells. That's all cool. But why aren't there smoking areas for those who do smoke? There are smoking areas in other workplaces (usually in the parking lot out the back or something of that description). I'm sure that it would be easier to manage if there were options available to those who wanted to carry on inhaling the sweet, smoky taste of nicotine. Of course, I could be wrong about all of this. I'm not a politician/almighty decision maker and I don't need to reassert how much of a hardass I am.
Like the McChrystal fracas, this isn't about health. It's about politics. Any idiot can see that. Yes, it's important that we respect the health and rights of non-smoking prisoners and employees. I totally agree with this. I just think that this could've been done in a smarter way. A way that ensures the prison guards don't end up shitting themselves on 1 July next year.
OMFG!
So, someone saw Eclipse and DIED! Just died in the cinema. The cleaners found him the next day.
This leaeds to a few thoughts:
Which cinema?
Which chair?
It was in the front row? I am never sitting in the front row.
OMG did I know him?
Twilight movies cause death
If I see this film, I might die
Shit. I should stop washing my sugar down with whiskey