Hamlets-ak

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recent works: ◦ i prefer it by moonlight, tc ◦ ease the pain, tc ◦ soul kitchen, tc

sink ༊*·˚

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synopsis: regulus is gone forever and you can’t believe it

for a more painful experience read his last letter first

Death is said to be the great equalizer. Laying low the rich, the poor, the chaste, and the glutenous. Yet in the end, it is not the one who dies that feels the most sorrow, but rather those around him. The ones who loved, and were loved, the ones that stayed behind.

It wasn’t a bang, an apocalypse, or some biblical disaster that ended your world, but some sloppily written words on a crumpled paper.

It's so cold here and I can’t stop remembering. My heart has no pity on me.

I love you forever.

R.A.B.

Your lips twitched still looking at the paper, forehead slowly creasing as you brought the paper close to your mouth until it touched your lips. It was his damn scent, his damn handwriting, his damn words.

« Is... », you pressed your eyes shut for a second and then lightly shook your head, glancing at the Elf that was standing right in front of you, frozen like a small statue. « Is this some kind of sick joke? » His eyes fell to the ground at the sound of your voice. What could the poor thing say to console you when he could barely console himself?

Kreacher chose not to reply. Words didn't matter anymore.

The last words that mattered were his, and he had spoken them.

You sealed your mouth, biting hard your upper lip as if trying to rip off your skin.

« Kreacher, » you held your tears inside, "this isn’t funny." Your body felt hot, yet you were shivering. You were paralyzed, yet your jaw was trembling.

You were utterly shocked, unable to understand the words that were written on that paper. The world was crumbling around you and you were the last one standing.

The Elf breathed out and shook his head. You leaned yours trying to catch his stare and forced a small smile that fell immediately.

« This isn’t funny, » your voice cracked pressing your mouth hard.

Kreacher slightly raised his gaze only for your glossy eyes to meet his cold orbs. Your lips separated studying carefully his features. Puffy cheeks stained with droplets, a long hooked nose colored in a red shade all enlarged from crying, pinkish thin lips. You locked eyes, but he couldn’t keep looking at you with that minimal shadow of hope you were still carrying in your heart. The grief was too heavy for him and was pulling his weak body down.

« Please, tell me this is a joke. »

« Master would never joke about something like that, Miss. »

« Then where is he, Kreacher? », your brows knitted together trying to comfort each other. « He was supposed to be here. He promised to be here. »

You wished you could’ve misinterpreted the silence of the creature, but even if you did, nothing was going to change that didn't that slipped from his mouth seconds ago.

Nothing was going to bring him back.

« Why isn’t he here? », your eyes were sparkling from the boiling water beneath them, floods concealing behind the painful expression of loss. Kreacher breathed out heavily looking at your stare.

« Y/N... », he spoke softly.

« Where is Regulus? », you asked tears slowly streaming down your hot cheeks as you squeezed your eyes to stop them.

« Y/N... », Kreacher repeated giving you a pleading look.

« No ! », you cried loudly.

« Master Regulus won’t come, » his stare fell to the ground.

At these words, you gradually took a shaky breath, pulling up your nostrils. Your expression deformed, giving place to anger and the rage of a Maenad. Your eyes turned hard and flinty, glaring tightly at the Elf, which took a step back, his face questioning your look.

« Where is Regulus ? », you asked clenching your jaw to control your voice. Kreacher shook his head.

« I-I can’t say, » he glanced at you horrified. Kreacher swore that he saw flames coming out of your eyes that night. You were terrifying to look at, like something written by Edgar Allan Poe. « He wouldn’t want you to know. »

« Where is Regulus ? » Every word came out with a small pause as you walked forward to approach him. The poor Elf had never seen you like this, no one had. He shook his head.

« I promised- »

« Where the fuck is Regulus ? », you yelled loudly. Without getting a response, your hands fumbled on your clothes bringing forward your wand. « I swear, Kreacher, if you don’t tell me where Regulus is... I will fucking kill you. »

« Y/N, Regulus- Regulus is gone. » Your eyes twitched and your hand trembled uncontrollably, pointing at the Elf.

« Don’t say that ! », you cried. « Tell me where is he or I’ll kill you ! »

« Regulus is dead ! », poor Kreacher cried back. You had to hear it and accept it. Besides, he didn't really care about his life anymore, not without his Master, his friend. You pressed your lips into a hard expression and blinded by pain and sorrow you spoke.

« Avada Kedav- »

You didn’t finish your sentence.

You couldn’t finish your sentence.

You threw your wand away and fell to the ground sent into spasms filled with kneeing grief. Devastated and enraged you burst into tears.

No one could understand the pain you felt. It wasn’t the one with the screams, tears, and sobs. It was the other one; the one with the welled eyes and sobs that were coming up to your throat, and you would rather bite your lips and let the painful tears choke you, break your heart in pieces, than allow them to get out for the world to see.

And as you stayed there, curled to the ground, away from the world and everything that was alive, with Kreacher’s shaky hand on your shoulder and his last letter pressed against your chest, murmuring over and over those same words, he promised to be here, like a prayer coming out of your lips, his scent traveling from the paper to the world, you felt the memories that once warmed you, tearing your bones apart.

And as your hand slipped to the dewy grass, you wondered how could the Earth allow this to happen. Of all the times, the Earth decided to take him at that specific moment, when the branches were blooming and the spring was painting the ground.

Oh, Regulus, you thought, can you listen to me from up there ?

Without knowing it, you were with him, always on his mind. You were the only reason he had doubts about what he was going to do. He thought about returning so many times he had lost count along the way. But that was him keeping his promise. Being good and doing the right thing.

Regulus was sitting on the ground. It was so cold, colder than his house, colder than any place he had ever been to. So cold, that was spreading shivers to every part of his body. His breath was coming out along with salty tears traveling all the way down to his neck.

It was cold, dark and there was water.

He stood up. It was time.

Tears were still stained in his eyes, but he didn’t plan to wipe them because they were for you and he wanted something of you to be with him in his last moments, to somehow have you by his side and feel less lonely in that pitch black abyss of a cave.

He tried to smile thinking that you might be watching him from a corner and laughing at his expression. He didn’t want to look like a coward in your eyes.

Regulus took a deep breath.

The only thing that was comforting him was that in the distant future, you would meet again one day, and then all the nights, all the stars, all the songs, would be yours.

Without much thinking, he walked into the cave.

It was even colder, ever darker and water was everywhere.

And just so you know, his last thought was you. And his last breath was your name.

i’m in a long distance relationship with the stars

his last letter ༊*·˚

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synopsis: regulus writes you a letter before he goes to the cave

My Dear Y/N,

If you are reading this, it’s too late for me.

I am writing you from my room, at 12, Grimmauld Place. My doom is hanging on my neck like a rope. It’s heavy and unbearable. I can already feel it dragging me down.

That night, that I sneaked out just to meet you, I gave you a promise, that I was going to change, that I was going to be good. You said you loved me either way and nothing mattered to you.

It mattered to me though, because I wanted to be good. I wanted to do the right thing. The time has come to keep my promise and be good. And if the right thing is going to cost my life, then so be it.

Y/N, my dear Y/N, I need you to know that I’ve changed. I need you to know that I did the right thing, that in my last moments on this earth, I was good.

I am writing to you determined to do what I have to. Y/N, my heart, please forgive me.

I wish I never had to write this letter to you, but I know that my road has no return. It’s not just me being pessimistic, no. I can feel that this is not going to end well for me, for us. The earth has prepared a deep and narrow place for me and I can do nothing but get in.

Please forgive me for not meeting you tonight. Forgive my sloppy handwriting. Forgive fate. Forgive Kreacher, the bearer of the bad news, and please don't be mad at him. Forgive me.

If I regret one thing in this life Y/N, is not giving you more kisses, not hugging you tighter, not saying « I love you » every minute of every day.

Light of my eyes, a million hearts wouldn’t be able to carry my love for you. I love you unfathomably, no words can describe it. If only you could jump into my body for only a few seconds, you’d see for yourself. But I would never let you. I love you too much for this. You are everything to me.

You were the first person that made me feel truly loved. I know, my brother loves me too, or at least he tries to. I don’t blame him for taking his distance. After all the things I’ve done, I feel disgusted in my own skin. But you… how could you not be disgusted? How could you not leave me? How could you be there for me? How could you love me? People like me don’t deserve to be loved. I wouldn’t love me... I don’t love me; myself, what I am.

The only times I’ve ever loved myself are the ones spent with you.

You made me feel like I wasn’t as bad as I thought. I had a good side, I wasn’t always as menacing and misanthropic as everyone believed me to be. With you I felt like a person, normal, I wasn’t a burden. You truly did love me and your love made me beautiful. Honestly, I’m still not sure why you loved me like that. But I know you did. I could feel it every day, even in our worst moments.

I need you to know, you are the one and only for me, and you will always be. No matter what happens to me tonight, my soul will always be with you. I will always be yours. You will be my last thought, and my last breath will be your name.

I love you.

I’m afraid that you’ll forget me. Me, and everything we did together, everything we were.

Please, think of me sometimes. But not the bad things; the fightings, the tears, the sadness, the fear… think about the good things.

Do you remember the night after that stupid Ravenclaw party? I was pissed. I could barely walk and, oh Merlin, I was so, so dizzy. You couldn’t stop laughing watching my anarchist side come to the surface, as I was going up and down in front of Dumbledore’s office. I thought it’d be hilarious if we managed to get inside and burn the place to the ground. Well, we didn’t do that, obviously. From walking so fast, I ended up sick, vomiting in front of the gargoyle. I could still listen to your voice, as I was holding my knees, letting my guts out, and your laugh — I love it so much when you laugh. You then walked beside me, pulled my hair back, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me. I was staring at you like an idiot because I was too drunk. You smiled and then hugged me with your warm hands, your smell being the only thing I could sense.

That was the moment I first realized you love me. Who else would kiss the lips of a person that was vomiting only seconds ago?

I’ve never told you, but until now I’ve been thinking of that moment. Why would you be so kind to me? To me, of all the people on this Earth. And how can you love me?

Remember this time I was crying so hard without a reason, and I was just so angry that I was kicking the bathroom door and I was completely out of control? That day was terrible. I was hitting the wall so hard that my fist started to bleed. You had never seen me like that and I knew you were scared of me, but you hugged me tightly and didn’t let me go until I calmed down.

I asked you that day, why didn’t you leave me alone? Why did you have to be there? You said that you loved me so much nothing could drive you away. When you left I cried and didn’t go to class.

I was so confused. But I knew one thing, I wasn’t one hundred percent evil like everyone wanted me to believe.

We had so many dreams and plans that will never come true. I should’ve left this whorehouse when I had the chance. I should’ve left with Sirius. If it wasn’t for my ego... And then, when we were done with school, it was foolish of me to stay at my father’s funeral. We could have been in the countryside now, married, away from everyone. I really wanted to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you.

I’ll stop thinking about that.

You have no idea how much it hurts knowing that you are reading this letter. It feels like a knife twisting deep into my soul.

Please, Y/N, you have to understand why I did this. I had to. I owed it to everyone. I owed it to myself.

I know it’s very selfish. I left you just so I can live up to the expectations I built for myself.

I am never going to see the day that awakens with you ever again, but I hope the light of the world is bright and gentle to you. I hope the people are good. I hope you smile and laugh every day. I hope you think of me sometimes, just once in a while.

My love, my heart, please don’t do anything crazy. Stay alive, do it for me. Live. I need you to keep going. If you love me, keep going. And please, get out of this place. Go to your friends, to my brother and Remus. I don’t want you to be here. And don’t even think about passing by my house.

I don’t know what else to say. I wish I could write you everything but time is running.

Please, know that I am not scared. I am not scared at all. I want to do this. It’s my decision, probably the only one I’ve ever made.

Don’t forget to burn the letter.

It’s so cold here and I can't stop remembering. My heart has no mercy on me.

I love you forever.

R.A.B.

a night on the balcony ༊*·˚

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synopsis: in which you and timothée go to a party during your vocation in venice

You were dancing crazily like you belonged to the music, like the music was a drug that brought you higher and higher until your heads were buzzing with pure joy. You were uncoiling ropes, with eyes on fire, unruly hair, both out of breath, covered in each other’s sweat.

Timothée gave you an impish look and then took your hand, his fingers cheekily wrapping around your palm, as he guided you through a sea of people. You looked down at his hand and then at the mischievous smile marked on his face, that not even your persistent stare was able to erase it. Your eyes fell again, slowly smiling, holding his arm to be closer to him with your free hand.

« Wait, » he pulled your hand to stop you from walking any further. You balanced your back on the wall, Timothée looking at you straight in the eyes with twitching lips that stayed half-opened. He leaned his head down an arm on the wall next to you, his curls tickling your nose. « I'm getting us drinks, » he pressed his nose against yours, your heavy breaths becoming one for a moment.

« Okay, » you gulped, eyes scanning the room around you as Timothée was lost in the crowd.

Timmy and you were on vacation in Venice, away from everyone and everything. You were both having such a great time, feeling invincible with all the freedom you had.

In the past, Timothée couldn’t really have a fun time with his girlfriends without getting captured by the paparazzi in their very personal moments. He didn’t want the same thing to happen to you, so you decided to keep things out of the public eye for as long as you could.

Finally, you found the time to be together out of the spotlight to have some moments only for yourselves in a place far away from home, and do things you wouldn't normally do in New York out of fear of getting caught.

You were going sightseeing, spending countless hours in museums just staring at paintings and statues that were staring back at your souls. You were having late night raids to the cinema that was close to the apartment you rented. One night, DUNE was screening and you begged Timothée to rewatch it on the big screen. Timothée couldn’t stop smiling the whole time, feeling extremely uncomfortable at the view of himself, his face concealed by his cap and his body deeply buried in the seat. You were walking on the cobblestone and on extremely quiet alleys that were either washed with sun or under the light of faint square streetlights, as you were eating gelato, and exchanging your cones. You were meeting with friends at their houses, having dinners, going to clubs together, getting drunk.

That was one of those nights. Your friends knew this couple that was having a party at their house and you were invited to join as well. You had both decided to get dressed, well, in the case of Timothée undress, because he just wore his jacket, torso bare, with the excuse of the weather being “too hot”. You just widened your eyes looking at him and nodded eagerly making him laugh and rub your whole face with his hand playfully.

However, when you got out of the apartment waiting for Tim to lock the door, you quickly realized that he just wanted to show off his abs after all the training for his new film. Even though you were wearing a long dress, your back was exposed and you could feel the chilly breeze hit your spine.

You didn’t have many days left in Italy but you smiled at the thought of your lovely stress-free vacation. You headed to the balcony only to realize that it was actually very narrow and right underneath your feet and the layers of concrete, was running a canal.

As your eyes gazed at the water dancing slowly in harmony, a pair of hands lightly pushed you to the front making you gasp and slightly jump. Timothée quickly turned you with his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and leaned forward to kiss you. You chuckled moving your head to the side for his lips to land on your cheek.

« Got scared? », he laughed. « As if I’d ever let you fall. »

« I didn’t get scared, » you gritted your teeth holding tightly the sides of his face to look at him. He smiled warmly, slowly his gaze moving to the ground and then with a quick move he pecked your lips.

« I got our drinks, » Tim said separating from you, getting them from the inside table where he had placed them. « And Stéphane gave me something, » he fumbled in his pocket finally getting out a joint.

« Ooh, » you grinned taking a seat on the narrow balcony. He chuckled and sat across from you on the railings. « You are going to fall right into that canal and everyone tomorrow will think that I killed Timothée Chalamet, » you said.

« Oh my God, » he shook his head with a smile taking your feet on his lap to remove your heels.

« Sorry, I care, » you widened your eyes lightly tilting your head to the side.

« Sorry, I care, » he tried to imitate your voice making it a little too high-pitched causing you to almost spit your drink. Timothée looked at you with an impish smile, the one he always gave you after doing something incredibly funny - according to him. You lightly kicked him on his belly. He gasped squeezing your legs for revenge but finally brought them close to his mouth to kiss them.

« I hate you, you always make fun of me, » you pouted your lips sadly.

« Oh, come on, » Tim smiled at you. « You can’t stay mad at me. »

« I can try, » you clenched your jaw to stop smiling.

« You can try? », Tim asked playfully, as he let your legs down and sat next to you. He pulled one arm around your shoulder bringing you closer to kiss your forehead, as your lips landed on his chest.

« I’m going to miss this, » you said. Tim’s lips separated and looked down as your fingers followed the line of his jaw, to his neck, to his chest, pulling his jacket to the side. You leaned down to place kisses on top of his soft skin.

« These were the best days of my life, » he pulled your hair out of your face, behind your ears.

« Mine too, » you breathed out getting your drink back and taking another sip.

« It’s fucking ridiculous, » he mumbled after a long pause. « I wish people could just mind their own damn business. I can’t do that, » Tim held your hand intertwining your fingers. « I can’t do that, » he kissed your lips. « Or that, » he moved to your neck.

You took a long breath, your eyes moving up in the night sky at the stars that seemed like gems scattered around the black veil. His hand cupped the left side of your face pulling the hair behind your ear, his thumb moving alongside your jawline, as he kissed you deeply.

You felt his tongue lightly licking your lips making you chuckle against his mouth. He smiled back, as his curls fell on your forehead almost covering your eyes.

He slowly pulled back and finished his drink before leaving his jacket to the side. You were staring at him. You had seen his body so many times, yet you were always looking at his porcelain, sculptured, skin as if you were gazing at a statue of an angel and had to pray.

He took out of his pocket the joint and placed it between his lips while searching for a lighter. You leaned down and took it from his mouth to place it on yours. He glanced at you once and smiled.

« Got it, » Tim said trying to light the joint for you.

You breathed in slowly and then released a cloud out. You smiled rubbing your eyes once and then passing it to him.

« Oh my God, you hear that? », he suddenly widened his eyes slowly moving his head to the beat. Without much thinking, you got his jacket and put it on, his smell slipping onto your body. You could feel the joint working as you pulled your hair out of the jacket, hearing Timothée’s voice in the background singing along to the rhythm. « It’s time to make your mind up, aight // To wake your mind up, aight // Ai-aight, we-we aight, aight // We, we, we ai-aight. »

You chuckled watching Timmy vibing with eyes closed, his shoulders and his head swinging smoothly like air running around trees.

You closed your eyes too.