Timothee Chalamet Angst - Tumblr Posts

just friends - t. chalamet x reader

been getting in my Timmy feels lately and haven’t posted in a hot minute since I keep procrastinating so here’s a timmy imagine

pairing: platonic!timothée x platonic!reader

warnings: lil angst, mentions of drugs, just some platonic fluff and some swearing

part 2 , part 3

You and Timothée met years ago, back in 2015. He was 19 and you were 17. You ran into each other at an awards show and clicked. You knew from the moment you started talking that there would be a friendship.

As time passed, you got closer and closer until you were inseparable. Only a few months after you met, you had opened up to him.

“My dad’s been in jail for 10 years,” You shrugged, sliding down the wall next to Timothée, who had his back pressed against the door and his legs spread out wide in front of him.

He looked over at you, with curious eyes. He wanted to ask, but didn’t want to pry. You noticed the look, and smiled sadly. “He killed my mom.”

His breath got caught in his throat, and he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have much to say, and he didn’t want to pity you. So he just grabbed your hand that was resting on your knee and scooted closer to you.

He didn’t treat you different, or give you pity, and you admired that. You knew there was something different about the boy.

You were a singer, and he was an actor. So obviously, your lives were very different and you both had very different schedules that made it hard to see each other. Especially when you were on tour and he was shooting in a completely different place. There was a whole month where you didn’t get to talk to each other because your time zone differences were constantly switching and when you were up, he was asleep and when you were asleep, he was up. But when you got to talk again, it was like nothing had changed.

The longest you went without seeing each other was 9 months. Those 9 months were hell, but you were proud of Timmy because he had gotten one of his biggest movie roles yet and he was proud of you because you sold out every single show on your tour.

The doorknob to your apartment jiggled, and you sat up warily because the only person who had a key to your apartment was Timmy.

Timmy.

You jumped up, at the same time he opened the door. There he was, in all his glory, your best friend. He closed the door behind him and smiled at you.

“Long time no see, stranger.” He joked. It took you a minute to fully comprehend what was happening, but once you did, you were running across the room and jumping onto him.

He stumbled back a bit, but hugged you back tightly. He squeezed you and lifted you up off the ground, burying his face in your neck. It gave him a sense of home, and made him smile.

“You told me you weren’t coming home for another 3 weeks.” You mumbled, your hands clenching the back of his shirt.

“Ended filming early,” He replied. “Took the first plane back.” His curly hair tickled your cheek and you smiled. You didn’t realize how much you missed Timmy’s hugs and the way he clung to you so tightly.

You think that maybe that’s when you realized you had a little crush on Timothée.

Yeah. Had. As in, after a while you realized how much that would ruin your friendship and pushed your feelings away. Eventually, it worked.

You’re glad it worked, because a few months later, Timothée got a girlfriend. Her name was Reilyn.

He spent all of his time with her. You thought back a few months ago, and thanked God you didn’t still have feelings for him, because if you did, you’d be crushed to death.

At first, you didn’t mind. You were happy Timmy was happy. Then, he started ignoring your calls and ditching your plans to hang out with her. You let it slide for a while, but when he showed up 3 hours late to your birthday party, you brought it up.

He defended Reilyn, of course. And that started one of your biggest and only fights.

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You woke up to your bed sinking. You were a light sleeper, always had been. The slightest noise or touch woke you up.

You groaned, shifted around and opened your eyes to see Timothée sitting at the side of your bed. “Hi,” He whispered. You didn’t respond, just stared up at him.

Then your mind replayed the events of the past 2 days, and you wanted to crawl in a hole and die. “What do you want? I just want to sleep right now.” You grumbled, burying your face back in your pillow.

“You’re naked.” He noted, his eyes running over your bare back, not covered by the sheets.

“No shit, sherlock.” You scoffed, mad at him. “I had a guy over. I asked him to leave.”

Timothée was silent for a while. For a second, you thought he had left. Then you heard his soft breathing. “You called me a lot yesterday and today. What’s wrong?” 

Anger bubbled in your stomach, and you clenched your fist around the sheets. “It doesn’t concern you anymore. You were with Reilyn.” You spat, not bothering to hide the venom in your voice.

“I’m sorry, y/n/n. My phone’s been shut off, it was our year anniversary. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.” He pleaded, his hand finding your back.

You didn’t respond. You didn’t want to think about it, or talk about it. You’d be reliving it all over again, and that’s the last thing you wanted. Timothée pulled the covers over you, pushed you over, and crawled into your bed. He turned you so you were facing him and froze when he saw the tears in your eyes.

“Please.” He sighed, gripping your forearm. You gulped, looking away from him.

“Josh called me yesterday.” You started. Josh was your brother. After your mom died, your then 15-year-old brother decided you guys should go live with your aunt, here in California. He began using drugs, more and more as time passed.

“oh.” Timothée breathed out. He met him once. He was worried for the dude, because he looked like he would collapse any second. In all honesty, Timothée didn’t have any words. He felt guilt piling up because he wasn’t there for his best friend.

“I met him at a cafe. For a while, it was small talk. Then he asked me for money. Of course he asked me for money. He told me it was for gas, but him and I both knew I wasn't buying that. I left after and that’s when I called you. And you didn’t pick up. Then, later that night, I got a call from the hospital and they told me he OD’d. That’s the second time I called you. I went to the hospital, waited for 3 hours to get at least some information, and I was on the verge of a panic attack, that’s the 3rd time I called you.

Two hours later, when I went home to shower and get him some clothes, I came back and the doctor told me he discharged himself. I tried to get a hold of him for 3 more hours, looked through all of the sketchiest streets in L.A. for him, then gave up and went back to my apartment only to find it trashed and Josh asleep in my bathtub. I called you. When he woke up, we got in a huge fight and he took cash from my wallet and left. At least a couple hundred bucks. Then I called you again. So I called Jack over, we fucked, and then I asked him to leave. Then I called you for the last time, and went to bed.” You ended, turning away from him.

“I’m so sorry, y/n.” He croaked out, and you knew he was crying. You wanted to yell at him, wanted to scream at him, and wanted to blame Reilyn, but you weren’t like that. So you didn’t do it, and let him hold you and tell you he was sorry.

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You walked into your dressing room, breathing heavily. Another night, another show. You found Timothée on the floor. His back was resting against the couch, and he was playing with a rubix cube. He looked up when you closed the door behind you.

“Hey superstar.” He laughed. “Amazing show.”

You smiled, walking over to him. He pulled you down, right between his legs. You let your back rest against his chest and put your head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around your middle. “Seriously, you did great.”

A couple days after the whole fiasco where Timo didn’t answer his phone, he broke up with Reilyn. You felt guilty but he assured you it was for the best and that it wasn't your fault at all. That was almost 5 months ago. You were back on tour and Timmy wasn’t shooting so he was able to come to a lot of your shows.

Your fingers drummed on Timmy’s knee absentmindedly. Times like these made time go so fast, but slow down at the same time. You felt at home, a haze over you that only Timmy could make you feel. In a strictly platonic way, you reminded yourself. “Timmy?” You mumbled, grabbing his knee.

“Yes?” He replied, muffled by your hair.

“I love you. Thank you for being there for me, always.” You sighed, feeling his arms squeeze you and his lips press to the back of your head.

“I love you more, y/n/n.”

sorry. really wanted something to post and low-key wanted to make this a little series where she realizes her feelings are coming back but I wanted to see if people liked this first. also, im a new writer so sorry if this is crappy ahahaha

if u want to see a lil series for this lmk and i’ll try and make it happen without procrastinating :)

just friends (pt. 2) - t. chalamet x reader

really no one asked for a part 2 but I had it in my drafts then one person asked so here, one person that I love dearly :) @eternaleviee​

pairing: reader x timotheé chalamet

warnings: swearing, mentions of the hanky panky

part 1 , part 3

lil recap: just a background, how they met, the beginning of their friendship, when y/n had a lil crush on timo

It was tearing you apart. Eating at your insides, making you feel all guilty inside. You’ve been telling yourself all these years that your crush on Timotheé had vanished, but in reality, it had grown stronger and you didn’t even realize it.

How didn’t you realize it? You aren’t sure. You told yourself the butterflies in your stomach was the happiness of seeing your best friend. 

You were in love with Timotheé, and you couldn't ignore or deny it anymore. And it was all because of a little comment. A stupid comment on an Instagram post of you two.

the way they look at each other... y/n looks at him like he puts the stars in her sky.

“Like he puts the stars in her sky.” That made it all the more complex, but much more sense. Timotheé did put the stars in her sky. He put the happiness in her life. The hope.

You were brought out of your thoughts when Timotheé tugged on your wrist, pulling you down Hollywood Boulevard. The simple touch sent jolts up her arm and shivers down her spine.

“I don’t understand why I had to get so dressed up.” You grumbled, looking down at your black dress and heels. “Aren’t we just meeting our friends?”

“Yeah, but we’re going to Chateau Marmont and there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He grinned over his shoulder. Your heart dropped in your stomach, and you felt sick.

The last time he said that, you met Reilyn. His controlling, invasive ex-girlfriend that stole all of his time. There was someone else, now.

You sighed and put on a fake smile, nodding. You wished you never read that comment. Maybe you wouldn’t feel so sick to your stomach right now.

You arrived at the restaurant and Timotheé spoke to a waiter before following him to a booth in the very back, in a different room then everyone else. You saw your whole friend group, and an unfamiliar girl sitting next to (y/b/f). Everyone looked up when you two arrived, and the unfamiliar girl got up and smiled at Timotheé, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

I should’ve stayed in bed. You thought, scanning her. She had shoulder length blonde hair, beautiful facial structure, and perfect height.

She turned to you, and held out a hand. “Hi, I’ve heard about you a lot. Timo talks about you all the time.” She smiled politely.

Funny, I haven’t heard a word about you. You looked over at Timotheé, seeing him stare at the both of you nervously. You were the only person who ever called him Timo.

“It’s nice to meet you...” You went on, gesturing for her name.

Something flashed in her eyes, and her gaze flickered to Timotheé for a short second. He hung his head and she looked back over at you. “Lily.”

“Nice to meet you, Lily.” You smiled, shaking her hand. She smiled back and returned back to her seat. You sat at the open seat next to one of your friends and got lost in conversation, but couldn’t shake the thought of Lily and Timotheé out of your mind.

“I think you should tell him.” Harry shrugged, taking a sip of his tea.

You and Harry Styles had been friends for a while. You collaborated on a song and continued to be very good friends after that, and you often went to each other for advice.

“He’s dating Lily.” You reminded him, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I know. But if he never told you about her and he always talks about you, there’s something going on. Tell him, y/n/n. YOLO.” Harry smiled, nudging your hand that was resting on the table at the small cafe you were at.

You looked up from your cup, narrowing your eyes. “Never say that again.” You tried not to laugh. He laughed, which only made you laugh.

“Just promise me you’ll try.” He realized you weren't going to tell him. You sighed, and nodded.

“I’ll try.”

Nope. Nope. You weren't going to tell him. You went over to his place in hopes that he was alone, but as soon as you got to the door you heard the moans and headboard slapping.

That was almost a week ago, and you couldn't get the noises out of your mind. You missed being on tour and being occupied every second so you had no time to overthink anything. Now, you were doubting everything.

A few days after the... incident, you went out for coffee with Lily and Timotheé, determined to force yourself to like her. There was nothing not to like, except for the fact she was dating him.

You proved yourself wrong. The whole time, she was glaring at you while Timotheé tried to engage in conversation. When he got up to go get another coffee, she was off on a rant about how you were obsessed with Timotheé and that you needed to stay away. As soon as Timmy came back, you said your goodbyes quickly and rushed out of the cafe, your blood boiling.

It took a week for Timotheé to realize you were acting strange. He walked in unannounced to your apartment just in time to see your regular fuck buddy, Jack come out.

He was pulling his t-shirt over his head, and once it was over his torso, Timotheé could see that he was panting. His eyes snapped up him, and he nodded. “Sup, dude.” Jack breathed out, smiling at him before leaving the apartment.

Timotheé felt his heart clench and he rolled his eyes. He wanted to like Jack, he really did, but he couldn’t bring himself too. He sighed and walked to your bedroom, where you were getting back into bed.

“What did you forget, Jack?” You sighed, your back facing him. You climbed under the covers and then you noticed Timotheé standing by the door, wearing a jean jacket, a graphic tee, and grey sweatpants. “Oh. It’s you.”

Timotheé scoffed. “Yeah, it’s me. Sorry to disappoint.” He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Not happy to see me?”

You shrugged, but your insides were going crazy. Push back all the feelings. Don’t let him know. “Nice girlfriend.” Was all you said, pulling the covers up to your chin.

“This is about Lily.” He acknowledged. “I don't understand. Every time I get a girlfriend, you hate her. What’s wrong with you? Why won't you let me be happy?” You scoffed, turning over to look at him. “Let you be happy? That’s exactly what I’m trying to do! Every time you bring a girl near me, she automatically sees me as a threat. That’s why I stay away, so I don’t fuck up whatever is happening. I know you like Lily, and that’s why I haven’t been talking to you! She hates me, so I hate her. Just don’t bring her near me and we’ll be good.” You went off, throwing your hands up in the air at the end.

Timmy didn’t say anything, just raised his eyebrows. You stared at him, waiting for a response.

“...Sounds like you have a crush on me.” He shrugged, smirking at you.

Your heart sped up, afraid that he had caught you. Now everything was ruined. But you were going to do your best to deny it. “Grow the fuck up, Timotheé. This isn’t 2nd grade. I’m trying to be a good person.” You growl, laying back down and turning your back to him.

It was quiet, again. Then, you felt Timmy’s hands on your back, pushing you over. Then he was climbing in next to you, and he wrapped an arm around you. “Don’t be mad at me, please.” He mumbled, his forehead resting on your back.

God, curse you for falling for this scrawny, adorable, stubborn boy that is Timotheé Chalamet.

“I told you, I’m not mad at you.” You grumbled, trying to ignore the goosebumps on your skin from the arm that rested just below your breasts.

“You are. You’re just not admitting it,” He mumbled, his lips brushing against your skin with every word. The small action sent chills down your entire body. You couldn’t take this anymore. You thought you were going to explode if you didn't tell him.

“God damnit, Timotheé.” You whined, sitting up. You looked behind you to see Timotheé still laying down, staring at you. “How fucking oblivious can you be? How could you not see? Or maybe you did, and you’re doing this on purpose.” You shook your head, getting up.

“Slow down, y/n/n. What the fuck is going on?” Timmy furrowed his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms.

“I’m fucking in love with you, Timotheé. I have been for years. You were too blind to see and I was too scared to tell. Are you happy now? You can get rid of me and go see your precious girlfriend. I’m staying away because I’m jealous, god.” You spilt out, not caring anymore. You kept your eyes anywhere but Timothee’s face.

“Y/n.” Timotheé said.

You sighed. “How hard is it for you to understand? I’m waiting. Just break my heart and leave.” 

Your eyes finally landed on Timotheé only to see him centimeters away from your face. Then, he was leaning in and kissing you.

The feeling felt nothing like you thought it would. You thought it would bring butterflies to your stomach and make you feel all giddy, but it just ignited the flame inside you even more and your whole body felt like an oven. You didn’t realize you were kissing back until your fingers were tugging at his hair.

Your lips moved sloppily, but with so much passion. The way Timotheé’s hands fisted your shirt said it all. You were sure after this, there was no way you were going to be able to let him leave.

He was pulling you closer and closer to him, until there was no room in between you two. But then, his phone started ringing.

He told you to ignore it, but you shook your head and pulled away from him, using all your self restraint to do so. You were breathing heavily and so was he as he grabbed his phone, to see the contact name on the screen.

Lily.

so... part 3? idk. only if y'all wanna see it. this really did suck and I wanted to make it longer but I am a very shittayyyy writer.

check out my other stories here !! this is my first timo imagine, so there are no others for him unfortunately! I have written one piece for sweet pea from Riverdale and 2 for Kian Lawley :)

hope u all enjoy ur day!!! luv u <3

about the reality house series w kian- i sadly do not have enough ideas to do a full blown story, but it is a pretty lengthy imagine! am editing rn and will try and have it up for this weekend

as for the reality house imagine w Harrison- it’s coming along quite nicely! I will be doing a part 2, since so many people had different requests for the imagine!

just friends pt 3- it’s been done for a while now, just unsure if i should post it or not because part 2 flopped :( but part 1 did v well!

just friends - t. chalamet (part 3)

 part 1 , part 2

pairing: reader x timothée chalamet 

warnings: swearing, lotttssss of fluff

recap: timothée starts dating lily, lily doesn’t like reader, reader realizes she's in love, kiss

some of you who wanted part 3: @thenerdiverse​ @sadhwstudent​ @0verthnking​ @eternaleviee​

4:48AM.

That’s the time the clock on your bedside table read. You were completely aware of the arm around your stomach, the hair tickling the back of your neck, and the soft breaths into the crook of your neck.

After the kiss, and the call from Lily, you both stared at the phone. Your heart was thumping erratically in your chest, and you were too afraid to see Timothée’s reaction. What surprised you the most, was when he pressed the off button on his phone and denied the call. He grabbed your hand, got into the bed and pulled you in with him. He turned you on your side and wrapped an arm around you, resting his head in the space between your neck and shoulder. He mumbled a “goodnight” to you, and only a few minutes later, his breath had evened out. 

You’d been up since then, replaying what happened. Like a broken record. Goosebumps were all over your body, just remembering the feeling you got when he kissed you. Had he felt the same way all along? What did the kiss mean? Or maybe it was closure.

You used to call Timothée over all the time when you couldn’t sleep. He’d hold you or talk to you until he was sure you had passed out. It was quite funny that now, he was holding you, and you were unable to sleep because all of your thoughts were consumed of him.

Your body ached for you to turn around, and just stare at him. You wouldn’t let yourself though. Sleeping Timmy is just another way for you to fall more in love with him.

And wow. You had confessed your love for him. It came out at the least expected time. But you did it. The thing you've been stressing about all week, leaving a heavy weight on your shoulders, was off, and it felt good. But it brought a whole new set of worries. What was going to happen now? He doesn't feel the same way, and you try to keep your friendship but it’s too awkward for you so you end it? He does feel the same way, but doesn't want to hurt Lily and the kiss is never brought up again?

The possibilities were endless. It made your head hurt. You finally couldn't resist anymore and slowly turned over to face Timmy. You could make out his facial features in the dark. His arm suddenly tightened around you, pulling you even closer to him. And your heart melted into a puddle, of course.

Christmas was approaching and it was coming fast. One of your friends decided to have a Christmas party, filled with only your closest friends. Timothée was here too, somewhere making trouble. Unfortunately, you two hadn’t talked about the kiss at all. But he certainly didn’t ignore it. The smiles held more meaning behind it, the random staring, the small touches you knew were on purpose, like grazing your waist, or brushing his hand against yours.

No one in your group had any idea what happened to Lily. Timothée hasn’t mentioned her to anyone at all, since the kiss. You all could only assume it was trouble in paradise. Maybe, he told Lily and they got into a huge fight. Who knows?

Y/f/n’s Christmas parties always brought the spirit to the holidays. The beginning of December is when it was held each year. There would be a naked tree, untouched by any Christmas decorations, and containers full of ornaments next to it. Some people would take over the tree, while others would decorate cookies in the kitchen, and others would just sit around and drink alcohol.

You were around the Christmas tree, helping place ornaments, with a glass of wine in your hand. “I put the mistletoe on the kitchen doorway,” One of your friends mentioned. You all turned around and saw it hanging discreetly. “I wonder who’s gonna end up there first.”

You rolled your eyes and turned back to the tree. This year, most of the girls were working on the tree while the guys took over the kitchen. You could hear the rustle and laughter, and wondered how much of a mess they were making.

You spotted a bare spot on the tree, and grabbed an ornament to fill the space. Unfortunately, it was just a little bit too tall for you. You reached on your tip toes and just barely grazed the spot, but still couldn’t reach it. You were the tallest out of your girl friends, so it’s not like you could ask them.

As if answering your prayers, someone came up behind you and grabbed the ornament, hanging it with ease. When he dropped his hand, he wrapped his arms around you from behind. “Timo,” You acknowledged. Your friends sent you knowing glances, but turned back to what they were doing. “Shouldn’t you be decorating me a cookie right now?” You grinned.

“Already did.” Timothée gloated, bringing one of his hands up to your face, showing you his creation. It had white frosting and a bunch of sprinkles on it, and it looked like he tried to make a snowman but gave up. “Timmy, you never fail to impress me with your artistic skills.” You joked, leaning on him. He put the cookie to your lips and you took a bite of it. “The flavor though,” You added, throwing out a chefs kiss. “Exquisite.” 

“I tried my best, okay?” He laughed. He looked up at the Christmas tree, resting his chin on your shoulder. “The tree looks amazing. You guys did way better than we ever do.” He said, referring to the guys.

“Girls are better than boys at everything, Timmy.” You snickered. He gasped. “Take that back, or you’ll regret it.” “I’m not scared of you.” You shrugged, his head moving up and back down with the gesture. He only made a humming sound, turning his head slightly so his nose brushed against your cheek. He kept it like that for a few seconds, before he unexpectedly licked a bold stripe up your cheek. You squealed and he jumped away from you, running off. You wiped off your cheek and ran after him, chasing him around the kitchen. He made a run for it and ran back out of the kitchen. You were hot on his heel, and then he stopped unexpectedly. “I give up.” He sighed. You grinned, and when he turned around he stuck his tongue out at you.

“Giving up so soon?” You pouted, holding back your smirk. He only laughed and shook his head.

“Um, y/n? Timothée?” One of your friends called out. You looked over at her, and saw her with a few other of your friends, all looking at you.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Look up.”

You and Timothée both looked up at the same time, seeing the green leaves tied with a red ribbon above you. Shit.

The kiss was still fresh in your mind. He never gave you an answer. You looked over at Timothée, seeing him already looking at you. “Well, what are you waiting for, woman? We have to kiss.” He pointed at the mistletoe. You rolled your eyes and his serious face turned into a grin as he leaned in, cupping your cheek. He looked down at your lips, back up to your eyes, and back down. Then, you both hesitantly leaned in and your lips connected. Bringing back all the feelings.

Your head was spinning, your stomach was turning, and your legs felt like jello. Your hands clutched onto his sweatshirt, as your lips moved in sync with one another.

You became aware that there was still a crowd, and slowly pulled away. His hand didn't leave your cheek as you looked around at your friends who were all staring at the two of you. Some, with a smirk, some with their mouths opened wide, and some were winking at the two of you and grinning like crazy.

“Well, let’s watch a movie, shall we?”

It was a week later when you were in your living room, watching TV, and the door opened. You automatically knew it was Timothée, because he’s the only one who has a key.

He didn’t say anything, just joined you on the couch. “Mickey Mouse? Fantasia? Really?” He looked over at you, raising his eyebrows.

“Hey, sue me. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen in my 23 years of living.” You scoffed. He shrugged and turned his head back to the screen.

It went on like that for a few minutes, until you reached for the remote and paused it. “Timmy, we need to talk about the kiss. Kisses.”

He looked over at you, nodding. “Yeah, we do.”

“W-what did that first kiss mean? Why’d you kiss me? What was the answer to that?” You blurted out, anxious to hear what had been keeping you up at night. Your heart sped up. It was all or nothing. He could have feelings for you, or he could reject you and possibly ruin the friendship forever? Not that you wanted to ruin your friendship over this. But you weren't so sure you could live knowing your best friend rejected you and you have to watch him move on in a life without you.

He kept eye contact with you, shifting his position so he was completely facing you. “Y/n, I’ve been in love with you since we met. I thought you knew and didn’t want to reject me, so I busied myself with other girls. If I’d known you felt like that the whole time, I would’ve kissed you a long time ago.” He smiled slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. Your heart sped up even more. He felt this way the whole time?

“I think we both know I’m pretty clueless when it comes to how other people are feeling.” You sheepishly grinned. He laughed, nodding. “You are kinda oblivious.” You both laughed at that.

“So... what does this mean?” You asked awkwardly. Lord knows you had no idea what to do in these kinds of situations. You avoided his gaze.

Then, your chin was being lifted up and Timothée’s lips were connected with yours. You kissed back immediately, your hand going to the back of his neck. This kiss felt similar to the one at the Christmas party, but with more emotion behind it. You both knew how you felt now and that made it all the more special.

Your hands played with the curls at the nape of his neck while his gripped your waist. He pulled you onto his lap, wanting you closer to him. When you both pulled away breathless, you rested your forehead on his. “I love you, Timmy.” You mumbled, a curl wrapped around your finger.

He grinned. “And I love you, y/n/n.” 

should I write a pt 4 to just friends kinda like an epilogue lmao

you don’t think i’m a bad person ? ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which you find out that regulus got the dark mark

You leaned against a pillar, your back feeling the cold transferring from the marble to your exposed back, making shivers run to every part of your body. The music coming out of a pianoforte filled your ears, fading all the other sounds of people surrounding you, dancing, laughing, chatting…

The House Elves did great job with the decorations. The place was filled with white roses, his favorite. Your eyes traveled to the fresco at the ceiling, falling down to the paintings hanging on the walls and moving slowly to the marble ground in front of you.

There was no point of you being there if he wasn't. You had examined every single face in the room and none of them belonged to him. To your one and only. To the light of your eyes, the light of your soul, the light of your everything. To your Regulus Black.

Regulus Black, the person you would kill every star for, burn every tree, drain every ocean. You would trap all the earth's oxygen in a jar and give it to him, you would shrink the moon so he could carry it in his pocket. He was your everything.

And it was killing you like a slow-acting yet painful poison the fact that it's been a while since you exchanged your last words. He had decided to abruptly cut the ropes connecting you without any explanation.

You had written him plenty of times about how much you missed him. How much you missed the days you were lying in bed together wrapped around one another, his hands on your forehead as he was staring at the ceiling calm and serene, and your eyes sinking into his stare. You would give the world to go back to these days, when you were walking around the room feeling his eyes fixed on you, and you pretended that it didn't affect you at all.

You had written to him that your life didn't have meaning without him. You were miserable.

Only then did he send a letter to you with two sentences written in a sloppy handwriting you've never seen from him. It concerned you because even though you could tell that it was his handwriting, his letters, it wasn't his hand that was writing it:

Dear Y/N,

I'd rather see you miserable than dead.

Burn the letter.

R.A.B.

Of course, you didn't burn the letter. If these were his last words to you, you wanted to have them, even if they hurt.

Every time you read those two sentences, you could feel knives piercing your heart, breaking it, and letting it fall in pieces right in front of his feet.

You breathed out heavily, feeling like you were suffocating, like you couldn't breathe. So, you decided to go for a walk around the manor. Besides, there was no point in you staying at the ballroom and watching all the people having fun, when he wasn't there with you.

You made your way deeper into extremely quiet halls, then to another and then another, as if drawn by a supernatural force to a lane that was leading to another world.

Weak square lights were balanced at the pillars, as the gleaming moon was pouring her pale light inside. Everything was dark but you kept walking.

Suddenly, the sound of your shoes started to quieten and got replaced by a painful scream. It turned your blood cold, utterly horrifying. Your body froze for a few moments before you took out your wand.

From the last door to your right, you saw a faint light coming from a half-opened door. You moved slowly deeper in that direction your grip tight around your wand ready to attack or defend yourself from the scream.

Another animalistic scream was heard and you felt paralyzed by fear. You gulped but you kept going until you heard another painful cry followed by sobs. You weren't sure if it was a wild animal or a poor child.

« Fuck! », the voice cried loudly. Your lips separated and your wand fell down. Without much thinking you burst into the room, letting the door hit back at the wall with a thunderous sound.

Regulus was curled on the floor, his back balanced against the cold wall, legs close to his pounding chest. His dark curls were concealing his face that was buried between his legs.

The moonlight slipped through the window swimming inside to give light to his form. His tie relaxed hanging from his neck and the sleeves of his shirt raised as he was holding tightly his left forearm, pressing his fingers on it.

If it wasn't for the damn moon you wouldn't have seen anything, but your eyes fell immediately on the place he was holding.

Your lips quivered and you stood there like a statue looking at him, not being able to move or say a word.

« Y/N, I'm not joking, get the fuck out of here! », he shouted looking at you angrily. You opened your mouth taking a few steps back. Regulus had never raised his voice like that, not to you, not to anyone. You were completely terrified by his tone, his mad expression, and the Dark Mark stained on his arm.

« What the hell Regulus? What is this? », you asked your voice high as you kept shaking your head in disbelief.

« What does it look like to you? », Regulus glared back at you. His face was deformed by pain. Your lips couldn't stop trembling and your eyes brought tears that were streaming like small rivers down to your cheeks. You wished the old Regulus could come to you, hug you tightly, and with his tongue lick the sorrow away.

« Regulus, » you murmured his name sweetly like a prayer. Regulus breathed out and covered his face with his palms. He started to cry as well because he hated being the reason of your tears. If he could cry for both of you and stop those drops from running down your chin, he would.

« Please, get the fuck out of here! », he screamed at you through sobs. Watching him like that made you walk closer. Regulus wouldn't hurt you, not your Reg, not the guy that was putting flowers behind your ear.

You sat right beside him slowly slipping on the floor. Regulus shook his head. He couldn't understand why you weren't leaving.

« Please, leave, » he murmured. Even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't. You were drawn to him like a magnet. You loved him so much, nothing mattered to you. He was in pain, that's all you saw, you wanted to take his hand and kiss it. You wanted to kill anyone who did this to him and caused him that much pain.

« I am not going anywhere, Reg, » you said, voice soft.

« You don't get it, Y/N, » he replied. « I had to do this! » You touched his shoulder and pressed your eyes shut tightly. You were so scared of him, but you loved him too much. If he was going to be your doom, let his shoulder be the last thing you touched. « I had to, » he cried even harder.

« Why? », you asked. You didn't know what else to say. « Because of your parents? » Regulus lightly raised his gaze for you to meet his swollen gloomy eyes. « We made plans, remember? That we were going to get the fuck out of here. »

« And you think he wouldn't find us? », Regulus asked with a bitter smile. You didn't speak back. « Y/N, I didn't do this because of my parents. » He looked away.

« Then? »

« I did this because of you, » he said and bit his lips. « I did this because if I didn't, he said he would hurt you, in ways… you don't even want to imagine. » You gulped and for a moment felt completely vulnerable and exposed.

« Me? Wh-why? »

« Because the only way he could get me, was through you, » his lips quivered for a moment. « Because Y/N, you are the only thing I care about in this life. » More tears ran down your cheeks as you looked at him. You sealed your lips together to get strength. Your arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. For a moment he stayed still, surprised by your reaction, but then he tied his arms around you too, holding you for dear life. « That's why I wrote you this stupid letter, » he said to your ear. « I can't be with you, Y/N, not like that. » His forehead touched yours lightly rubbing his head against yours. You held him on the back of his neck, feeling his curls tangling between your fingers.

« I missed you so much, » you said. He wrinkled his eyebrows pleadingly, the fingers of his left hand wrapping around your wrist to feel your pulse. He was shaking and felt heavy, as if the earth was dragging only him down and no one else. Frozen thumb drew the line of your most prominent vein. He tried to show you how it felt to be with someone like him; someone heavy, and cold, and helpless; someone in pain. But you didn’t care because you were holding his head steady and would never let it fall.

« You're killing me, » Regulus sealed his eyes, shaking his head. He let his fingers slip down. « Please, don't say that. We can't. I can't do this to you. »

« Regulus, listen to me, » you said, lightly lowering your head to look straight into his eyes. His gaze couldn't meet back yours and fell to the floor. « There is nothing that can drive me away from you. » He left a shaky breath slowly raising his stare.

« You don't think I'm a bad person ? »

« All I think is that I love you. »

his last letter ༊*·˚

masterlist ◦ askbox

synopsis: regulus writes you a letter before he goes to the cave

My Dear Y/N,

If you are reading this, it’s too late for me.

I am writing you from my room, at 12, Grimmauld Place. My doom is hanging on my neck like a rope. It’s heavy and unbearable. I can already feel it dragging me down.

That night, that I sneaked out just to meet you, I gave you a promise, that I was going to change, that I was going to be good. You said you loved me either way and nothing mattered to you.

It mattered to me though, because I wanted to be good. I wanted to do the right thing. The time has come to keep my promise and be good. And if the right thing is going to cost my life, then so be it.

Y/N, my dear Y/N, I need you to know that I’ve changed. I need you to know that I did the right thing, that in my last moments on this earth, I was good.

I am writing to you determined to do what I have to. Y/N, my heart, please forgive me.

I wish I never had to write this letter to you, but I know that my road has no return. It’s not just me being pessimistic, no. I can feel that this is not going to end well for me, for us. The earth has prepared a deep and narrow place for me and I can do nothing but get in.

Please forgive me for not meeting you tonight. Forgive my sloppy handwriting. Forgive fate. Forgive Kreacher, the bearer of the bad news, and please don't be mad at him. Forgive me.

If I regret one thing in this life Y/N, is not giving you more kisses, not hugging you tighter, not saying « I love you » every minute of every day.

Light of my eyes, a million hearts wouldn’t be able to carry my love for you. I love you unfathomably, no words can describe it. If only you could jump into my body for only a few seconds, you’d see for yourself. But I would never let you. I love you too much for this. You are everything to me.

You were the first person that made me feel truly loved. I know, my brother loves me too, or at least he tries to. I don’t blame him for taking his distance. After all the things I’ve done, I feel disgusted in my own skin. But you… how could you not be disgusted? How could you not leave me? How could you be there for me? How could you love me? People like me don’t deserve to be loved. I wouldn’t love me... I don’t love me; myself, what I am.

The only times I’ve ever loved myself are the ones spent with you.

You made me feel like I wasn’t as bad as I thought. I had a good side, I wasn’t always as menacing and misanthropic as everyone believed me to be. With you I felt like a person, normal, I wasn’t a burden. You truly did love me and your love made me beautiful. Honestly, I’m still not sure why you loved me like that. But I know you did. I could feel it every day, even in our worst moments.

I need you to know, you are the one and only for me, and you will always be. No matter what happens to me tonight, my soul will always be with you. I will always be yours. You will be my last thought, and my last breath will be your name.

I love you.

I’m afraid that you’ll forget me. Me, and everything we did together, everything we were.

Please, think of me sometimes. But not the bad things; the fightings, the tears, the sadness, the fear… think about the good things.

Do you remember the night after that stupid Ravenclaw party? I was pissed. I could barely walk and, oh Merlin, I was so, so dizzy. You couldn’t stop laughing watching my anarchist side come to the surface, as I was going up and down in front of Dumbledore’s office. I thought it’d be hilarious if we managed to get inside and burn the place to the ground. Well, we didn’t do that, obviously. From walking so fast, I ended up sick, vomiting in front of the gargoyle. I could still listen to your voice, as I was holding my knees, letting my guts out, and your laugh — I love it so much when you laugh. You then walked beside me, pulled my hair back, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me. I was staring at you like an idiot because I was too drunk. You smiled and then hugged me with your warm hands, your smell being the only thing I could sense.

That was the moment I first realized you love me. Who else would kiss the lips of a person that was vomiting only seconds ago?

I’ve never told you, but until now I’ve been thinking of that moment. Why would you be so kind to me? To me, of all the people on this Earth. And how can you love me?

Remember this time I was crying so hard without a reason, and I was just so angry that I was kicking the bathroom door and I was completely out of control? That day was terrible. I was hitting the wall so hard that my fist started to bleed. You had never seen me like that and I knew you were scared of me, but you hugged me tightly and didn’t let me go until I calmed down.

I asked you that day, why didn’t you leave me alone? Why did you have to be there? You said that you loved me so much nothing could drive you away. When you left I cried and didn’t go to class.

I was so confused. But I knew one thing, I wasn’t one hundred percent evil like everyone wanted me to believe.

We had so many dreams and plans that will never come true. I should’ve left this whorehouse when I had the chance. I should’ve left with Sirius. If it wasn’t for my ego... And then, when we were done with school, it was foolish of me to stay at my father’s funeral. We could have been in the countryside now, married, away from everyone. I really wanted to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you.

I’ll stop thinking about that.

You have no idea how much it hurts knowing that you are reading this letter. It feels like a knife twisting deep into my soul.

Please, Y/N, you have to understand why I did this. I had to. I owed it to everyone. I owed it to myself.

I know it’s very selfish. I left you just so I can live up to the expectations I built for myself.

I am never going to see the day that awakens with you ever again, but I hope the light of the world is bright and gentle to you. I hope the people are good. I hope you smile and laugh every day. I hope you think of me sometimes, just once in a while.

My love, my heart, please don’t do anything crazy. Stay alive, do it for me. Live. I need you to keep going. If you love me, keep going. And please, get out of this place. Go to your friends, to my brother and Remus. I don’t want you to be here. And don’t even think about passing by my house.

I don’t know what else to say. I wish I could write you everything but time is running.

Please, know that I am not scared. I am not scared at all. I want to do this. It’s my decision, probably the only one I’ve ever made.

Don’t forget to burn the letter.

It’s so cold here and I can't stop remembering. My heart has no mercy on me.

I love you forever.

R.A.B.

sink ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: regulus is gone forever and you can’t believe it

for a more painful experience read his last letter first

Death is said to be the great equalizer. Laying low the rich, the poor, the chaste, and the glutenous. Yet in the end, it is not the one who dies that feels the most sorrow, but rather those around him. The ones who loved, and were loved, the ones that stayed behind.

It wasn’t a bang, an apocalypse, or some biblical disaster that ended your world, but some sloppily written words on a crumpled paper.

It's so cold here and I can’t stop remembering. My heart has no pity on me.

I love you forever.

R.A.B.

Your lips twitched still looking at the paper, forehead slowly creasing as you brought the paper close to your mouth until it touched your lips. It was his damn scent, his damn handwriting, his damn words.

« Is... », you pressed your eyes shut for a second and then lightly shook your head, glancing at the Elf that was standing right in front of you, frozen like a small statue. « Is this some kind of sick joke? » His eyes fell to the ground at the sound of your voice. What could the poor thing say to console you when he could barely console himself?

Kreacher chose not to reply. Words didn't matter anymore.

The last words that mattered were his, and he had spoken them.

You sealed your mouth, biting hard your upper lip as if trying to rip off your skin.

« Kreacher, » you held your tears inside, "this isn’t funny." Your body felt hot, yet you were shivering. You were paralyzed, yet your jaw was trembling.

You were utterly shocked, unable to understand the words that were written on that paper. The world was crumbling around you and you were the last one standing.

The Elf breathed out and shook his head. You leaned yours trying to catch his stare and forced a small smile that fell immediately.

« This isn’t funny, » your voice cracked pressing your mouth hard.

Kreacher slightly raised his gaze only for your glossy eyes to meet his cold orbs. Your lips separated studying carefully his features. Puffy cheeks stained with droplets, a long hooked nose colored in a red shade all enlarged from crying, pinkish thin lips. You locked eyes, but he couldn’t keep looking at you with that minimal shadow of hope you were still carrying in your heart. The grief was too heavy for him and was pulling his weak body down.

« Please, tell me this is a joke. »

« Master would never joke about something like that, Miss. »

« Then where is he, Kreacher? », your brows knitted together trying to comfort each other. « He was supposed to be here. He promised to be here. »

You wished you could’ve misinterpreted the silence of the creature, but even if you did, nothing was going to change that didn't that slipped from his mouth seconds ago.

Nothing was going to bring him back.

« Why isn’t he here? », your eyes were sparkling from the boiling water beneath them, floods concealing behind the painful expression of loss. Kreacher breathed out heavily looking at your stare.

« Y/N... », he spoke softly.

« Where is Regulus? », you asked tears slowly streaming down your hot cheeks as you squeezed your eyes to stop them.

« Y/N... », Kreacher repeated giving you a pleading look.

« No ! », you cried loudly.

« Master Regulus won’t come, » his stare fell to the ground.

At these words, you gradually took a shaky breath, pulling up your nostrils. Your expression deformed, giving place to anger and the rage of a Maenad. Your eyes turned hard and flinty, glaring tightly at the Elf, which took a step back, his face questioning your look.

« Where is Regulus ? », you asked clenching your jaw to control your voice. Kreacher shook his head.

« I-I can’t say, » he glanced at you horrified. Kreacher swore that he saw flames coming out of your eyes that night. You were terrifying to look at, like something written by Edgar Allan Poe. « He wouldn’t want you to know. »

« Where is Regulus ? » Every word came out with a small pause as you walked forward to approach him. The poor Elf had never seen you like this, no one had. He shook his head.

« I promised- »

« Where the fuck is Regulus ? », you yelled loudly. Without getting a response, your hands fumbled on your clothes bringing forward your wand. « I swear, Kreacher, if you don’t tell me where Regulus is... I will fucking kill you. »

« Y/N, Regulus- Regulus is gone. » Your eyes twitched and your hand trembled uncontrollably, pointing at the Elf.

« Don’t say that ! », you cried. « Tell me where is he or I’ll kill you ! »

« Regulus is dead ! », poor Kreacher cried back. You had to hear it and accept it. Besides, he didn't really care about his life anymore, not without his Master, his friend. You pressed your lips into a hard expression and blinded by pain and sorrow you spoke.

« Avada Kedav- »

You didn’t finish your sentence.

You couldn’t finish your sentence.

You threw your wand away and fell to the ground sent into spasms filled with kneeing grief. Devastated and enraged you burst into tears.

No one could understand the pain you felt. It wasn’t the one with the screams, tears, and sobs. It was the other one; the one with the welled eyes and sobs that were coming up to your throat, and you would rather bite your lips and let the painful tears choke you, break your heart in pieces, than allow them to get out for the world to see.

And as you stayed there, curled to the ground, away from the world and everything that was alive, with Kreacher’s shaky hand on your shoulder and his last letter pressed against your chest, murmuring over and over those same words, he promised to be here, like a prayer coming out of your lips, his scent traveling from the paper to the world, you felt the memories that once warmed you, tearing your bones apart.

And as your hand slipped to the dewy grass, you wondered how could the Earth allow this to happen. Of all the times, the Earth decided to take him at that specific moment, when the branches were blooming and the spring was painting the ground.

Oh, Regulus, you thought, can you listen to me from up there ?

Without knowing it, you were with him, always on his mind. You were the only reason he had doubts about what he was going to do. He thought about returning so many times he had lost count along the way. But that was him keeping his promise. Being good and doing the right thing.

Regulus was sitting on the ground. It was so cold, colder than his house, colder than any place he had ever been to. So cold, that was spreading shivers to every part of his body. His breath was coming out along with salty tears traveling all the way down to his neck.

It was cold, dark and there was water.

He stood up. It was time.

Tears were still stained in his eyes, but he didn’t plan to wipe them because they were for you and he wanted something of you to be with him in his last moments, to somehow have you by his side and feel less lonely in that pitch black abyss of a cave.

He tried to smile thinking that you might be watching him from a corner and laughing at his expression. He didn’t want to look like a coward in your eyes.

Regulus took a deep breath.

The only thing that was comforting him was that in the distant future, you would meet again one day, and then all the nights, all the stars, all the songs, would be yours.

Without much thinking, he walked into the cave.

It was even colder, ever darker and water was everywhere.

And just so you know, his last thought was you. And his last breath was your name.