Huh, And Here I Thought I Was The Only One.

Huh, and here I thought I was the only one.

i have a disease called “i believe i will have the love i have been reading about all these years one day”

🥺😭❤️

i wish i could be with you.

This is so funny because as the oldest child I actually love tea and would prefer it over coffee. I really only drink coffee if I pull an all nighter and need to be somewhere that day. My sister though, the middle child, tries to always get an ice coffee whenever possible. And my brother, obviously the youngest, isn’t allowed coffee because it would send his ADHD into overdrive. My mom will let him drink ice tea though.

is being into coffee an older sibling thing bc everyone i know who loves coffee is the oldest child

Okay I need to either:

A) Create my own wacky edit

Or B) actually learn to edit like this

❤️😭

WHAT WAS THAT SOUND?

I was so entranced that when I looked up I totally forgot I was even in my dorm room lol, loved this! And poor Maddie! 😭❤️

Trigger fic. Early season 3 Maddie. She gets a head injury somehow. It’s a bad concussion but she’s had a LOT of those. She’s in the hospital and it’s like she’s forgotten she’s not in Hershey anymore with the head injury and confusion and she’s so lost in the trauma of it all that she calls Chim or Buck (your choice) Doug and keeps apologizing. Maybe Buck since he hasn’t seen a lot of her triggers. And I hurt my own heart bye 😉.

The last thing he should be thinking about is how awkward it’s going to be when Chimney turns up but with the lawsuit and everything that had happened over the last few days, he’d almost not even called him. But he’s Maddie’s boyfriend and if she were at all cognizant right then he knows that it’s Chimney she would be asking for. Buck gulps down the lump in his throat as he looks at his sister; it was the second time in less than a year he’d been next to her as she lies in a hospital bed and he hates every single second of it. 

More than anything though, he hates how terrified she looks at the moment, as though she’s not entirely with him. Her eyes are wide, darting from one side of the room to the other as her breathing quickens. She’s been this way since he’d found her and part of him is worried that she’d hit her head so hard that she’s actually done herself some serious damage and of course, he’s not even sure he’d be surprised. It’s the Buckley luck; a truck had crushed his leg and by some miracle, he could walk but that was where his luck had run out. Now he couldn’t work, or rather… Bobby wouldn’t let him work, even if he felt perfectly capable of doing so. 

He stares at her, wishing he could figure out whatever was going on in her head right then. She’d rang him when she must have gotten in from a date with Chimney, a little tipsy and upset, muttering something about how she didn’t know what to do or what to say because she was stuck in the middle between him and Chimney and she never wanted that. The guilt had started to creep in right then because he hadn’t thought about how his friend would feel about all the secrets that come out over the last few days until he was sitting across from him and then he hadn’t thought about the fall out that could come afterwards because Chimney was dating his sister. Of course it would be discussed, of course Maddie would feel the need to see both sides. She was always playing the diplomat between him and his parents and then with Doug, and now… with him and the people he used to call family. 

Buck wasn’t stupid, he had seen the hurt on the other man’s face when he’d been told that everyone knew about Bobby’s relapse apart from him. His frown deepens when he can visibly see his sister shaking as though she’s just realised where she is. He had rushed over to her apartment the moment she had stopped answering his texts, not even because he was worried about her but more so, he couldn’t stand the idea of another person hating him or being angry at him. He doesn’t know if there’s any turning back now for him and the rest of the 118 but he’d only just gotten his sister back. 

She must have slipped and hit her head on the sink, although he doesn’t know how, she hadn’t seemed that drunk on the phone. But there had been so much blood and even just seeing it and feeling it in entirely different circumstances from months previously in the snow, he was taken right back there for a moment. He’d had no choice but to call 911, she wasn’t responding and then when she was it was as though he wasn’t even in the room with her and she’s not said a single word and each passing second feels more painful than the last. 

“Maddie? I’m sure they’ll have your test results soon, we’ll be home before you know it and Chimney… he’ll be here soon.” He’s met with silence again and he tries not to read too much into it as he moves both of his hands to clasp over one of hers, squeezing tightly in the hopes it’ll pull her out of whatever she’s going through then. Her breathing is starting to quicken even more so and she looks more terrified than he’s ever seen her before, even more so than the times he had ran to her bedroom late at night after Doug had died, when she had been woken up from another nightmare. She just looks so scared right then and he feels more helpless than he ever has before. 

“What the hell happened?” 

Chimney’s voice is enough to pull both of their attention, watching as the man walks towards Maddie and carefully presses a hand against her cheek. It’s something he’s seen him do before and she always leans into the touch but right then, she flinches back as though he’s burnt her and all he can do is shake his head when the other man looks at him. Maddie seemingly isn’t going to answer, tears threatening to fall in her eyes as she so desperately avoids eye contact with either him or Chimney. Instead, he takes a breath, “I-I went to talk to her in person because she hung up on me and… I found her unconscious. I think she hit her head on the sink. She has a severe concussion, a few stitches but she’s pretty out of it.” 

He considers Chimney to be like a brother to him but right then, he’s not looking him in the eyes and it hurts. It hurts to know that he had hurt Chimney’s feelings and gotten his own hurt in the process. It’s just a mess… a complete and utter mess than he wishes he could have gone about differently but… he felt as though he hadn’t had a choice. He needed his job, he wasn’t anyone if he wasn’t a firefighter, he didn’t have a family if he didn’t have the 118.

He can see the confusion on his face, “She was tipsy when I dropped her off but she was okay,  just… we had a stupid argument about this lawsuit and it wasn’t a big deal or anything. But that was why I didn’t stay the night and… she was fine. I walked her to the door and… she was fine.” As guilty as Buck had felt, Chimney looked about ten times worse right then, carefully rubbing her arm in an attempt to get her attention. It does. And Buck quickly stands up at the intensity of which she snaps her head towards her boyfriend, fearful that she’s done more damage than she already has. 

“D-Doug?” He’s never heard his sister sound quite as petrified as she does right then,  his heart clenching and his head spinning. Chimney stumbles back a little, his face immediately paling, looking as though he’s about to throw up which is exactly how Buck feels right then. “I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t… I just… I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry. Was my fault. I-I didn’t… I didn’t mean to.” 

The silence was better; Chimney looks as though he’s just been punched in the gut or as though Maddie may as well have just ripped his heart out and for that moment, everything outside of those hospital walls is forgotten when they look at each other. Even from where he’s standing he can see the way the man is trembling before he moves to stand next to Maddie’s bed, “Maddie, it’s… Chim--Howard. Howie. Doug is dead and you’re in LA with me and your brother, he’s just standing right on the other side of your bed, do you see?” 

The tears fall down her face and Buck can do nothing but watch as Chimney gently wipes them away, despite the way Maddie flinches at his touch. He doesn’t know whether this is concussion related or trauma related but there’s this awful tension that lingers in the air and he wants to reach out and hold his sister but he doesn’t want to make anything worse. “I’m sorry… I-I didn’t… it was… it was my fault… I must have…” She’s gasping for air and with each anguished sound, there’s an ache in his chest and his stomach flips. 

Chimney’s entire bloody slumps in defeat, turning away for just a second to wipe the tears that fall down his own face before he turns back to Maddie with a devastated look on his face. “It’s okay, Maddie, it wasn’t your fault. It’s going to be okay. Take a deep breath and close your eyes, I want you to breathe with me, okay? Your brother is right here, too and I promise, we’re gonna take care of you.” He doesn’t know how his voice can be so calming right then but he supposes it’s years of practice as a Paramedic. “There we go, nice deep breaths... you’re doing so good.” His voice is low, gentle, carefully brushing a hand over Maddie’s cheek as she moves to lie back, “Close your eyes and I promise that when you wake up, everything will be okay.”

Neither of them say another word until the even sounds of Maddie’s breathing can be heard and she’s stopped trembling as much and Chimney can’t take his eyes off of her, just in case she wakes up again. “I-is she okay?” Buck gulps, almost afraid of the answer, terrified that this is more than a concussion.  

“Yeah, she will be… just… confused, probably thought she was back in Hershey… thought I was… Doug.” He looks queasy just at the sound of his name, enough to cause a shudder to run down Buck’s spine when he thinks of everything Maddie had been through at the hands of her husband when he had been so unaware. “It happens… she has PTSD and when the concussion eases… she’ll be okay.” She’s not sure if he’s trying to convince himself more than he is Buck but he’s grateful for it anyway, sinking back down onto the chair as he holds Maddie’s hand once more. 

“Will we be okay?” 

Chimney is slow to sink down onto the chair on the other side of Maddie’s bed, taking her other hand in his own as he brushes his thumb against the back of her knuckles, “We’re family, Buck.” That’s enough of an answer, at least, although he still won’t look at him, feeling at least some of his fear easing as he stares at his sister’s anguished face whilst she sleeps. It’s a concussion, he tries to remind himself, trying to force himself to be as calm as Chimney is pretending to be right then, his heart beating fast and the tears falling before he can stop them, falling into a comfortable silence as they both focus on his sister.