Guys I Am In Physical Pain Rn.

guys I am in physical pain rn.

I still don’t know if she’s straight but I saw her tonight and she’s just sooooo pretty ugh I wish I could know I wish I could know

When the girl asked me why I did not believe in God, I told her about my sorrow. I made her sense the sting of the loneliness that still lingers after years. I told her about the night I came so close to death that it took me months to come back into life. I said to the girl, “Would God do these things to me? Why didn’t he help me?” The girl looked at me blankly. “You’re still here, aren’t you? Whose hands lifted you up from death that night?” I walked home alone and slept easily that night. The girl may have been an angel, I have never been sure.

just went from singing along with Julien Baker ab religious trauma and depression to singing with Olivia Rodrigo about getting her ex back. It’s amazing how much dichotomy exists in womanhood

I cannot seem to leave behind the lives. all of the ones that I cannot live. all of the ones stolen from me, ripped out from under me. why must I have received the visions if they were not possible for me? It has been more painful to live the lives in my dreams than to have not known they were there at all. I wish I did not know. I wish I had not held those lives in my hands, had not kissed the lips of those lovers. They were never going to be real, but now I must grieve them as if they were.

I keep having this really particular feeling. It’s the most disorienting feeling I have ever accessed in myself. It happened when I was a kid whenever I contemplated the existence of god or tried to process how the world was made. things that are incomprehensible to the human brain, much too vast and complicated for us to cover in one lifetime. but this one is particularly odd, because it isn’t so much a feeling, but a memory. I am in the middle of doing something, and I get this weird sort of glitch within my mind. “Haven’t you been here before?” My inner self asks. I don’t have a definite answer for her. I want to say no, but I just witnessed this moment in my mind. I swear I have been here before, many times. Maybe I’ve never not been here.

we are going to be okay, aren't we? our hearts will find a warm and safe home, right?